They Make It Hard To Grieve

[@rharden583]

For me grief was like large waves crashing over me leaving me broken and exhausted. Ride them out. Over time they get smaller and farther apart. Losing a mom is hard. I'm glad to have my energetic, clingy, most definitely goofy heeler boy.

[@TheHeelerMama]

Yes, grief comes in waves for sure and it's incredibly exhausting. The toll it takes on us physically is insane as well.

[@lindac3129]

Give yourself time, great love has great pain

[@f.prince6642]

It’s always hard to lose a friend. I hope you can heal and remember all the amazing memories.

[@sereneadair4941]

My first two dogs passed within 6 months of each other. I didn't get my sign until the week after the 2nd one passed. I came out of the store and their dopplegangers were in cars on either side of my car. It was crazy

[@catherinelalla-duckworth8219]

Get it out girl! We are here for you always ❤🐾🐾❤❤🐾🐾

[@jeanette_voerman]

Heaven literally wouldn’t be heaven without the presence of our loved ones. That’s how we know our babies will be there with us.

[@martinavelasco7421]

That's exactly how I felt when my two childhood dogs passed away. I felt miserable. I know how you are feeling hang in there. Sending you hugs!❤

[@gregharvey7499]

You are so very welcome Alek 😢 again we are very sorry for your loss. And BTW Boots still says Hey Ladies. Hope that gave you a smile.

[@Piluchi79]

One day at a time Mama

[@malloryw6169]

I’m so sorry for your loss. My heeler passed in 2017 and sometimes I feel like I’ll never be over the loss of my boy. ❤

[@tinadiffee9539]

Oh!! I am so sorry ! We love you and the sweet doggos!

[@witec83]

Dogs don't have souls on their own. They attach to our souls and we bring them with us.

[@redroads4598]

Thank you for sharing, we all feel your pain. Sully is such a treat to watch..XOXOXO

[@suttonmaple-pr4nh]

Sending lots of love..hugs and good thoughts. We love us some heeler momma and her pooches.❤ From Tremonton Utah

[@marykusmirek2436]

Let your dogs help you get thru the days, and keep her in your 💜! They are angels on earth !

[@jaymarx8927]

Maybe you'll get closer to this crew now. That is a painful thought, I'm sure, but these dogs are special too. GO to the woods. Hugss...

[@morganhorsediaries3316]

After my Indigo, I swore I saw her out of the corner of my eye all of the time and with Mac I swore I could hear his distinct paws. I know how it is. I'm with you in spirt and sympathy. Take care of yourself. ❤‍🩹

[@bernadettenemec2705]

Oh Alex...😢😢take a few hours in the car or the mountain walk and GREIVE for her...get it out with no interruptions...it will still be with you, but maybe not quite as bad. Your babies 🐕🐕🐕 don't want to see you down that's why they make you laugh... much love and many hugs coming your way...REMEMBER CATTLE DOG TUFF!❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏🐕🐕🐕✝️✝️✝️

[@cowgirl3144]

It's been 3 yrs in June since I lost my beloved Teddy and Shiloh. God, it still hurts.😢 I have Sparky and Luna now, and I'm so fortunate.......but I still miss them terribly. We will have a celebration in Heaven though! But I do feel your heartaching pain.❤❤ it gets better.......but do I wish they could live as long as we do.

[@sueklein9265]

Silver is still being the boss momma letting those 3 know what you need

[@lynnsullivan8373]

Being mad is very understandable. I use to be mad about my loss and mad because I didn't think anyone understood how I felt. I was mad because I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about my grief. Don't worry about that part of it. You can tell us your feelings whenever you feel like it. I hope you can go on your camping trip soon. The "woods" can definitely help your healing process.

[@H.A.Hiller]

Sending good, warm thoughts and vibes to you!

[@louisebither9921]

I did the same thing when I helped my scruffy and my boomer cross the bridge (a year and a half apart) it’s a normal part of grieving . That feeling of throwing them away is real! Oh boy! Is it ever real! Even the hair I vacuumed up i couldn’t get rid of it for a couple of weeks. I took their favorite toys leash and clothing and created a little shrine in their honor. Keep grieving your way…your babies are truly helping you through this you might not realize it but they are. Thinking about you girlie. yes all animals have a soul and one day, you’ll see silver and all your other babies again. Hugs

[@jodilevel2582]

I'm just a weird girl from Ohio too. thinking of you & sending prayers. My 17 year old girl (pekapoo) is blind & deaf & has been my baby. Her times coming & I'm dreading it. My hubby brought home our 1st blue heeler a year ago. What a ride! Enjoy those walks & take care ❤

[@Oreo_the_CattleDog]

I understand! They are the best breed! And when you lose then it hits hard

[@kaneinkansas]

The key to grieving is to grieve. Grief is like a stranger that enters and co-occupies your body with you. The key is to not react to it, just allow it. Don't try to feel better, don't try to feel worse. Don't try to transcend it, to try to ignore it, don't try to figure it out, don't ask why or what or how, just let it be in you, and live with the discomfort to the extent you can. The more you can allow the pain, and just let it be, the faster it will process its way thru and out of you. Just let the pain be the pain. Once the pain has done whatever it is supposed to do, it will pack up and leave and you will know. Also be aware that grief can feel "permanent" - though it is not. It's much like skinning your knees - it feels like & looks like it will never heal because the process is so slow, but each and every moment that you let it it will process further. At the same time, don't bite off more grieving than you can chew in one go. Sometimes the grief is so big you do multiple iterations. That means its big, and it will take longer. Again, just allow the discomfort, and tolerate it as best you can without thinking too much about it. Catharsis is good and speeds up the process, but don't beg it, just allow it - but almost always you will feel massively better after each catharsis. Also don't take on any new assignments. Just do what you have been doing. Put off as much to tomorrow as you can, or ask a friend or family member to help do what you cannot. Its just one step at a time, one minute at a time. Breath in, breath out, then repeat. Do everything that way, take a step then another. Try not to react, just feel to the extent that you can, the discomfort of grief and grieving. There are 4 levels of emotive pain: sharp pain (initial pain where you cannot breath, sleep, eat, etc) then hard pain (can do involuntary things okay, but still hard to concentrate), then soft pain (can concentrate but still hard to feel anything but pain with it.) What pain does is act like a loud siren that cuts you off - by drowning out - all of your other emotions, especially the positive ones. Happiness, love, joy are sonnets, poems whispered in your ear - grief is the pain that drowns all of that out. At its highest pitch we lose our sense of self, others, access to love (except where sustained by memory) - those losses are why pain is so discomforting. Grief occurs in, what Freud calls the ego - which is what we ordinarily think of when we refer to the mind - like when we say we haven't made up our mind yet. The ego is divided into 2 hemispheres: the intellect and the emotive - but highly connected. So while your are feeling grief, the grief is radiating out to the intellect and imparing that - so thats the reason for not doing anything new while grieving - its enough to try to just maintain the status quo. All the pain, the emotive pain, that is in the emotive sphere. The sharper levels of pain radiates out into the other hemisphere and the other spheres - impairing their function. The other spheres are what Freud called the "id" the animal instincts of "fight or flight", "hunger", "lust" etc... at the other end is the "super-ego" that's where the conscience is. Both the id and the super-ego are kind of farther away, more removed (they are in their own spheres) - so the pain you feel from grief in your emotive-hemisphere in the ego, affects those other parts of the mind the least - so compared to the emotive hemisphere in the ego and the intellect hemisphere -also in the ego, the "id" and the "superego" are less affected - which may be why you feel anger (emanating from the Id) and guilt (emanating from the Superego). There is a high degree of feeling of guilt when one is grieving and in pain. The only empathy you can project on to others is either grief or guilt. The cuteness of the other pups doesn't quite register, and at this time it is not what you need to process. I hope this helps you process your grief. Thanks for the many videos watching your dogs be dogs. That helps me with mine. By the way, I'm not a psych or therapist or anything, those are just the things I had to figure out, and to do, to find my way out of my own grief in my own life (though I did get help from professionals from time to time). Oh, I forgot the fourth/final level of pain it is (reconciled) sorrow (there is also unreconciled sorrow but not part of this post). Reconciled Sorrow is where we fold up our precious memories of what we have lost, and place it in a treasure chest, in our emotional basement, for safe keeping. At that point you are as cured as you will ever be. You will still have that sorrow, but it will no longer interfere with the other parts of your mind, accept when YOU choose to go down into your emotional basement, and open that treasure chest and unfold your memories of what you have lost. In my mind, this is what it means to be human.

[@TheHeelerMama]

Thank you for insight and it all makes perfect sense to me. Two things that really stood out is not to take on new assignments and you are as cured as you will ever be. I definitely have the attitude of I'm going to do what I want and what I can when I can during all this. Grief for sure has all those stages and comes in so many waves. Thank you for posting this, not just as a reminder to me during my process but for others who may find it helpful as well. ❤

[@gailcovey6497]

Tha,k you for taking time out to make this video. We are all here for you..

[@cashesclay9863]

Your doing exactly what you should be doing, keep your head up. 🫂

[@darrinquigley6919]

I’m so very sorry for your loss I miss Silver on the videos 😢

[@TheHeelerMama]

Thank you.

[@jjsolly5039]

Hi Alek, big hugs, dear Friend.😪 I was praying for you about Silver's rug - I knew that would be gut wrenching to remove. The new rug probably has formaldehyde in it! Air it out on your porch or outside for several months! All the symptoms you describe are from formaldehyde off-gassing. Very common in carpet. I tried really hard not to love Miss Ruthie so much, after my 18 year old heart dog passed. Well, a dozen years later and you know how that is going💓! But I kept her at arms length for quite a long time, while I was grieving, because nobody could take the place of my dear heart-dog. We had gone thru so much together, just as you and Silver shared so much life together! And now the one who shared those experiences with you is gone! Angry? Oh, yes! God is big enough to handle your anger so tell Him! "Turn Yourself to me, and have mercy on me, for I am desolate and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have enlarged; Bring me out of my distresses!" ( Psalm 25:16) I am glad you scheduled camping. Hope you get the snail mail from us. 📪We love you! You are not alone, Alek. You are in my most heartfelt prayers, dear Friend💜🙏, Love and puppy kisses, JJ & Miss Ruthie🐕‍🦺💓🙏✝️🏕

[@TheHeelerMama]

Thank you JJ and yes I did get the snail mail! I had to return the carpet. I can't air it out on my porch cuz the feral cats will pee on it so it was shipped back and I bought a different one. Well less smelly and no weird oil film on it. I don't remember formaldehyde smelling like that but glad it's out of the house. This one smells less and is softer. Still a weird feeling being able to sit on the new carpet, we couldn't sit on spots from how much she soiled the last one. Missing her like crazy.

[@frdmbe9258]

Holding you and yours in my heart & mind just as you are. I am asking Silver to direct you, soothe & heal your heart & perception back to knowing doggie heaven is here now. Understand the range of emotions your going through. Thank you for sharing, as always, a supportive cattle dawg admirer of you.

[@strays998]

My husband had to go to the hospital unexpectedly yesterday. I was so freaked out and sad. All 3 of my dogs knew mom was upset and dad wasn’t home. They gave me so much love. It helps so much!!! I know what you mean about going in your room and watching tv to drown out the pain. For me it’s Fawlty Towers. I couldn’t listen to your videos recently because it set off the crying. I understand everything you are saying about getting rid of stuff they had. I wish I could give you a big hug!!

[@sarahhagen2051]

I hope your husband is doing well 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@strays998]

@@sarahhagen2051 Thank you!

[@TheHeelerMama]

I wish I could give you a hug right back! Is your husband okay?

[@strays998]

@@TheHeelerMama Thanks for asking! He’s home and better now. He was in the hospital for 3 days and is so glad to be back with me and the gang!

[@TheHeelerMama]

@strays99 Glad he's back home with you and the crew! Hope he stays on the mend! ❤️

[@riefujimoto4279]

Don’t minimize how u feel bc u can never push down the feelings or it comes out in a worse way - from this Buckeye to u a fellow Buckeye stay strong and Take Care 🙏💜

[@johnmansour-dumas5364]

😪So sorry. I dread the day I lose my boy. It's good you have your other pack to help you through this.

[@TheHeelerMama]

Thank you.

[@kerrywoods5314]

They're not leaving you alone because they know that you're in pain & they want to help, also they are @ a loss too. You sound completely overwhelmed & that's the way grief can be. Put you anger in a note to Silver. Tell her your pain, tell her you miss her spirit & your heart is broken from her loss. She will give you the courage to go on. She'll tell you it's ok & she'll be the one to get you through the hard times. You're a good, strong Heeler Mama. You can get through this🙏♥️

[@TheHeelerMama]

Thank you. I know they are trying to help and we all are still working things to get through this. I've actually thought about writing letters to my boys before and probably will to them and Silver. Writing things out in a journal is helping a bit. I will agree, I'm extremely overwhelmed with everything but I will get through it.

[@bethcunningham4346]

I understand the feeling that the current crew isn’t like my first dog. She was so special but I’ve learned that each of my dogs are special in their own way, too. Sending more hugs and good thoughts your way!❤❤❤❤

[@TheHeelerMama]

They really are all special. They might not be her but they are all awesome with their own way about them.

[@michaelbrady181]

Sweetheart, you take as much time as you need, we appreciate the videos when possible, I so understand the doggies bugging you, they're not bugging but that's what I call it here, I'll go eat on the porch cause my girls are gonna bug me while I eat lol. I have a few trips coming up, going to Kansas for a surprise 80th birthday party for my Dad next weekend, then I'm going to Sandpoint Idaho just me myself and I and super stoked about that one and then I can plan some camping with my girls. I will not sit here and tell you how or what to do love, just do it the least painful way you can girl, we love you too and may the force be with you!!

[@TheHeelerMama]

It's bugging for sure lol But at least it's cute bugging because I know it's out of love. 80th birthday! That is awesome! Always good to do a solo trip too. Safe travels my friend and may the force be with you! ❤

[@1269dougal]

Sending love and prayer, do what you need to do. I dwelled till my boy came to me, he literally gave me a reason to go on. If you need anything let me know, and I will do what I can.

[@TheHeelerMama]

Thank you Doug. ❤ Just listening and being there for me is more than enough. ❤

[@sereneadair4941]

When I lost my dog Ariel at age 6 I was throwing things in my room and watched a lot of crime Tv.

[@brianstarr]

Sending you a hug. I miss my first cattledog she was my shadow. We went camping and she listened to me too. My new cattledogs are great but just not the soul of Indigo. They are part of the family and I believe they are still here in spirit as long as we remember them. Friends are hard to come by so I get it. Take that walk in the woods and remember the good times. You don't need to be mad, you had 17 years. That's a good amount of time. Hopefully this video helped to get out your anger. Deep breathing will help you get the stress out of your chest. Time heals all wounds.

[@andrewmeers2086]

hang in there

[@DeeDoodleBug]

I'm so, so sorry. What you said about longing for the old pack resonated so much with me. I lost my dog 3 months ago, and I still have moments when I can barely breathe because I miss him so much. Our dogs are so intertwined in our lives that when they pass, our lives and routines are completely changed, so I think that on top of missing them, we are also grieving our former way of life. It's so hard, but you'll get through it, and your 3 babies will help. I keep telling myself that better days are ahead.

[@kimsolomon7347]

Breathe give yourself a break your allowed to feel whatever...you were everything to her and she was everything thing to you she was a soul mate. Grief is a weird thing. Hiw does the world keep going when yours feels as though it ended ...your hitting all the stages .she was a great lady we are here and we will listen proof in the pudding here we are ..give yourself time to find your peace...the frowns will turn to smiles

[@TheHeelerMama]

I appreciate you being here to listen. I feel a lot less alone because of that. ❤

[@bold810]

Miss Alex, I listened intensely to every word you said, but watching the background footage of your 3 Musketeers (😊😊😊) , my eyes overruled my ears because all the behaviors are exactly what my 5 months Heeler Honey Blue does. 😊 The first thing I noticed in your videos was one of yours did the.... I don't know, that shake like they are wet? I saw that and I.. just knew it to my roots. 😊 I would so love to send you some pictures of my precious love, my Honey Blue, I don't want to intrude, I love my dog so very much, .. I just want to share her such alive beauty with someone who understands how unique Heelers are, 😊 Okay I am oversharing now but .. just thanks for being a resource, right? ... Your kiddoes are just dynamite. Cheers.

[@TheHeelerMama]

Thank you and I would love to see Honey Blue! You can send pictures to my email [e-mail] or to facebook or insta.

[@bbaff8622]

Please do not be angry, and I hope you are not second guessing your actions. Some things are way beyond out control. I understand every other emotion, the numbness, the emptiness. Unfortunately I have felt them way to many times. On the other side you had 18 years with your girl. It will never be be enough time but try to focus on the good times you had with her. (easy enough to say I know). I still get choked up when I think about my 17 year old that passed 2 years ago, miss her so much still. You did what was best for her and gave her the best you could.

[@mwanstall52]

I felt so ripped-off and angry when my soulmate doggy died. And, like you, I expected to feel super sad, but the unbearable weight of grief, totally stoked feelings of despair and also physically made me so numb. You'll make comparisons between dogs, its too hard no to. You just love Silver the most. 17 years is so much of your life. I'm sending out love and good thoughts. My friends collected their bottles and old plates etc for me to go and smash a few months into my grief. I smashed and screamed and I howled. I recommend anything that lets your raw grief be felt without judgement. I found the kindness of strangers was most unexpected but, meaningful. Take care

[@TheHeelerMama]

I really want to go to one of those rage rooms and just have at it all with a bat or whatever. Screaming in the car has helped a bit and the kindness of strangers has really shook me. Restoring my faith in people.

[@brianchudzik7829]

The only constant in life is change, how you deal with it determines your level of happiness. Alright, that's deep enough for now. Still see that cat running around, how is that possible? To the woods, the fewer people the better!

[@TheHeelerMama]

Well crap I must be miserable then lol. Must be the damn cat. 😉

[@jasonpotts4279]

Ur allowed to be mad Alex 😢

[@loriroush1873]

Hun please let yourself feel the grief. If you can, read-It’s Ok if You’re Not Ok- by Megan Devine. It might help you feel what you need.

[@brianstarr]

Sending you a hug. I miss my first cattledog she was my shadow. We went camping and she listened to me too. My new cattledogs are great but just not the soul of Indigo. They are part of the family and I believe they are still here in spirit as long as we remember them. Friends are hard to come by so I get it. Take that walk in the woods and remember the good times. You don't need to be mad, you had 17 years. That's a good amount of time. Hopefully this video helped to get out your anger. Deep breathing will help you get the stress out of your chest. Time heals all wounds.