Language and rape culture: Kayce Singletary & Alexis Stratton at TEDxColumbiaSC

Kayce Singletary is the Community Education Director at Sexual Trauma Services of the Midlands. Alexis Stratton is the Prevention Education Coordinator at Sexual Trauma Services of the Midlands (www.stsm.org), a local non-profit organization that supports survivors of sexual violence and educates the community to identify and prevent sexual violence.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[@morgankristine6538]

I'm glad these women included men and boys in the conversation of rape culture. It is so important to realize that they are also affected by rape and rape culture. A lot of feminists are critiqued because they speak ill of men and don't bring into question about male victims. This nicely shows that the feminism movement is about equality and fair treatment and breaking damaging, misogynistic barriers that affect both men and women 💕

[@theknowall2232]

'Rape culture' is a term that feminists adopted from a real situation in a male prison. There is no 'rape culture' in our society, it is a feminist propagated myth and the fact that the term continues to be used in these videos and by people like you demonstrates that we live in a man-shaming, false accusation culture.

[@morgankristine6538]

+Theknow All thanks!

[@aracelyemmett3493]

I feel pity for your blind world view. get a life. Feminism is probably even a bigger waste of time than cosplay or having an ant farm.

[@TheBingleichwiederda]

Theknow All Show me your statistics that there are more false accusations than rapes... I will wait

[@exxmormon]

Very well done!

[@LizardKaimin]

Being a Tomboy is NOT a bad thing.

[@KLee21718]

Great video, thank you

[@catsantos353]

I've used genitalia as an insult, & that's a shame on me. I should know better. Everybody can better themselves, no matter how perfect u may think u r. Nothing wrong with self-betterment 💘

[@lockandloadlikehell]

Dark humour is a sign of high intelligence.

[@GDKLockout]

@@lockandloadlikehell if 'sigh" was not a typo this is a legendary quote.

[@lockandloadlikehell]

@@GDKLockout Exactly. She's complaining about possessing an indicator of high intelligence quotient.

[@GDKLockout]

@@lockandloadlikehell you misunderstand me. "Dark humour is a *sigh* of high intelligence" is a great quote. Alas im now sure it was a typo since you edited it. Nvm.

[@alextremodelnorte1905]

The real problem is people using profanity.

[@athenachase3735]

Thank you ladies! ❤

[@CeilidhaChaos]

"She wanted it?" Not from you! FFS

[@2thomask]

16:14 so are we supposing that telling a rapist not to rape is going to stop them from rapping because its illegal is like telling a drug addict not to do drugs they wont stop unless they get caught and that's only from lack of potential victims

[@jeongminyoun5388]

Are you saying the potential victims not exisiting ?

[@asmrrosaa]

uh don’t compare drug addicts with rapists it’s not an addiction.... it’s a choice.

[@AmantraDesign]

I am campaigning for the term "victim" to be changed to "victimised person" to reflect they are not a stand alone victim; they were victimised by a victimiser.

[@damilareoyefeso806]

masculinity so fragile in these comments....

[@barrywhite7771]

How can masculinity be in a comment?

[@bexleann4787]

Right. Like it doesn't exist

[@davidmiranda4745]

As predicted

[@sharadhijaganath2575]

Very eloquent.

[@daa162]

i don't know punching from your ribs sounds like you'll do more PRESSURE damage with your knuckles right? :3

[@vanessakeating]

Great video, I play a gender-inclusive sport and I hear demeaning phrases all the time. I try to call it out and explain why it's so harmful in the context of the game, as well as off the field

[@edwardfala7723]

What are gender inclusive sports? Coed?

[@JT-mx9xq]

Thank you to Eli for providing a perfect exemplar of the way in which 'rape culture' reinforces itself with it's very own brand of reasoning and fosters buy-in to logical fallacies. Thank you to TheGreatgan for lowering the collective IQ of this thread. Borrowing (and heavily modifying) a quote from my favorite pop icon astrophysicist, the thing about rape culture is that it's true whether you believe in it or not.

[@comicocalypse5620]

Instead of personal attacks...why don't you make a logical argument? And I'm extending you the courtesy that you FAILED to extend to the two people you've ridiculed...I am responding directly to your comment, so that you KNOW...someone responded to you. YOU on the other hand, responded in a way that the people addressed have not ONE clue that you were addressing them. You didn't "+" their names, you didn't respond directly on their comments so that they are alerted...This way you walk away seemingly unchallenged. Your ad hominem attacks are cowardly and your arguments are weak. Whether or not a "rape culture" exists is up for debate and I have heard compelling testimonies on both sides of the argument. But what is NOT up for debate, because it is SELF-EVIDENT, is that Feminism is a SOUNDBITE CULTURE.... All you mindless sheep do is repeat Soundbites as if they mean something: "Stop Porn Culture" "Stop rape culture" "Patriarchy hurts men too" " Ban Bossy" "Teach Men Not To Rape" "Don't tell me to smile" "I'm still not asking for it". soundbite...after soundbite...after soundbite...after soundbite...all day long, backed up by shady misinterpreted statistics (If we're lucky) or backed up by NO stats, NO research, NO citations, NO references, and supported by SOUNDLY-DUNKED, and LONG-AGO DISPROVED science (If we're NOT so lucky) And you have offered NOTHING more substantial than that. I hope to GOD (if there is one), that you have other marketable skills because effectively and competently debating is NOT a skill you possess.

[@ItsNotRealLife]

Jennifer Taylor: But it doesn't exist. If it does, then please direct me toward the evidence as i would like to read it

[@lockandloadlikehell]

Jennifer Taylor went silent because she invents fantasy, publishes that online, gets called out on her fantasy, and then refuses to acknowledge her detractors.

[@abcrane]

a Wing Chun practitioner would have been complimented by the "punch like a gal" remark. Wing Chun was a woman, and punching from the center employed the best use of power-centering and protected the center at the same time. haha

[@lockandloadlikehell]

Great band

[@elaineandrepont]

Super! 💜💜👏👏👏

[@djshalimar]

this is great! however i know boys - errr rather ADOLESCENT boys who are learning about all these confusing things, will never watch this. yes us women have a more knowledgeable stance on this issue but we need to get this information out to the BOYS at a young age, along with support and intolerance when it does happen to happen. i 100% agree with everything being said and found myself knowing this even as a young child (female) - i often stood up to my peers as a kid as questioned why it was an insult to do anything "like a girl". and they looked like deer in the headlights. and as you know, its because they really didnt know what they were saying. i hope for mandatory education in schools about this topic so that we dont have to CORRECT someones behavior, but rather MOLD it into respecting, valuing and equalizing females

[@seierkrigfring226]

Shalimar J I could explain it if you want me too.

[@lockandloadlikehell]

I don't think you understand what a comparative is And by your last sentence, I was sure of it.

[@SPQR7117]

Education starts first and foremost in the home. Basics ought to be echoed publicly, but by no means should they replace the role of parents in the home.

[@Rawrsaysmerawr]

Lol all these people saying there isnt anything we need to worry about. The last people who said as a mass culture its, okay to say this word were using the N word.

[@kjsdlask]

Who is saying that there isn't anything to worry about? What we are saying is that there is no rape culture, as our culture does not see rape as an acceptable thing to do, nor does it encourage rape. Heck, even when it comes to murder, the mentality is "innocent until proven guilty", yet when it an rape accusation it's "guilty until proven innocent".

[@Rawrsaysmerawr]

I'm not saying that's okay, but what I am saying is that people get away with rape a lot more than murder which is really sad. Then there are those who pretend and abuse (pretend to be attacked) it like scum. Rape culture doesn't mean that people accept it, it means we allow people to get away with it too much or that people are too afraid to stand up sometimes. It's like a hidden plague. Just like trolling on the internet. In this day and age I am seriously saddened by the fact I have to numb myself on the internet because trolling happens. No one cares what others feel a lot of the time and there is almost nothing done about it because of freedom of speech. Unless people are put out there and made note of, they will continue to be pieces of crap. It's similar to rape culture where most often its done in secrecy which is what makes it hard to stop. I personally think it should be innocent unless good correlation. Like no alibi. Personally I think the problem is all the embarrassment and punishment is not possible and it is two of the major social tools that help us fit in and not do the wrong things. If someone drugged me and sexually assaulted me, I may never know who it is. And what ultimately this means is its pathetic people think its okay to abuse and hurt others for selfish gain. People always love the "ideal world" but never try for it. Sorry if I'm long winded, I'm not the best at explaining my thoughts in short words.

[@kjsdlask]

Annora Rose people get away with rape sadly because most of the time its a "he said, she said" kind of thing. But when there is actual evidence of rape they very rarely get away. And even then, you don't even need to have evidence to convict someone for rape. An example for that is the case of Ched Evans. And even if in the end it proves that the guy was innocent, his life is still over. People will not forget noe forgive a person for being ACCUSED of rape, even if he was peoven to be innocent. That shows that our society does not have a problem with rape culture..

[@Rawrsaysmerawr]

While I agree that all of those are horrible, that is also a part of rape culture. The problem is it is a word with connotations on it similar to feminism. There are extremists out there that make it horrible for others like Christianity. The westburo idiots ruined that image in a lot of ways but that doesn't mean all religious people are idiots. Rape culture as should be it's true definition is the allowed use, abuse, or action of sexual attacks and or accusations. If a guys life is ruined even though hes innocent, that's rape culture because people allow that to ruin his life. Rape culture also refers to when men are attacked by women. A man can't defend himself or she will say she was attacked by him like a bitch. That's rape culture. It's just referring to all the negativity around rape.

[@kjsdlask]

Annora Rose People getting their life ruined because of them being accused of rape is the complete opposite of rape culture.. Rape culture means that people see's rape as an acceptable thing to do, that our culture encourage rape, that there is a epidemic of rape and that people blame the victims. That's rape culture. And none of those things are true in our society. Now, if you were talking about India or some countries in the middle east, now then, sadly, you would be right. But not here in the western world..

[@ItsNotRealLife]

I got so bored after five mins and switched off. I might watch it another time when I'm more patient

[@davidmiranda4745]

Pfft. You could've just as well told us how you farted on your couch while yo mama told you to get out of her basement...

[@lanzhimself]

This left me with a few questions. 1: How does something like prostitution fit into the idea of rape culture? 2: What are rape jokes? Because I'm not sure I've ever heard one, and how does someone even begin to make that funny? 3: Also, are the similarities between the idea of reclaiming gender specific offensive terms and the reclaiming of racial slurs intentional? 4: First!

[@JuicyCharon]

Joshua Stith Lol and that somehow means we have a society that condones rape.

[@edtastic]

That's one of the least accusatory talks on rape culture I've ever heard. I'd say they did a pretty good job.

[@zwiguy9494]

My thoughts are not in direct response to the video but are involved. hmmmmmmm many men play violent video games, why haven't men been killing more people than before, why can't we find a correlation? Joking about rape, saying the word rape in my opinion will not cause people to commit rape, just as killing virtual humans does not cause people to commit murder. I agree that some words and colloquialisms are immature and distasteful, but we should educate people why those words are distasteful instead of calling them misogynists or male chauvinists if they use those words. Telling people to check their privilege or the like is totally unnecessary and foolish.

[@Personmr]

i want to point out that not all feminists are crazy/stupid. there are in fact different types of feminists. these guys seem imo to be in the middle.

[@JuicyCharon]

Personmr If these are the middle ones, then i guess that supports that the average feminist is pretty illogical.

[@c4ghts1]

Wooow i was agreeing with alot of this until they started saying what Rape culture was , this shit is making women look stupid n not to b taken serious

[@rudraom9]

Welcome army

[@JuicyCharon]

The amount of bullshit is too damn high in this video. Every single point can be explained in a reasonable logical way.

[@comicocalypse5620]

hm?

[@halfan100]

this talk does not reach its target, which is surely a positive target. But if people mix up things that are right with things that are simply wrong and try to get a conclusion out of it, nobody (who thinks while listening) will be convinced. The people commenting positively have been convinced before and those who oppose got a good reason to do so. To give an example: Men hit harder as women, because they are stronger (thats not sexist, thats pysiology). Or they tell us that men call women girls, while they dont call men boys. This tells us that the Kayce and Alexis know little about men, because men talk about themselves oftenly as boys. This list can be continued. It is just a mistake to hold a speech in this way. I hope the two 'girls' will do better at the next opportunity.

[@davidmiranda4745]

Pffft. That's a weak disclaimer. I don't know any grown man that call himself a boy. But there would be a good reason to call yourself that: to avoid accountability- as has been done throughout history. Manipulate the girls; indoctrinate the boys- In gods name: amen

[@aaronguerra4066]

i only made it to 8:21 before i had to go throw up. These people just need something to complain about.

[@davidmiranda4745]

You saw yourself there, didn't you...

[@dancar711]

Advising women to moderate their drinking is part of rape culture? It is a logical fallacy to claim that in every scenario where someone is harmed, one party is guilty and the other is blameless and/or had had no reasonable way of preventing the incident. To be clear, having sex with an unconscious or semi-conscious woman is rape, and no reasonable person would disagree. But to imply that advising women to not drink to the point of passing out at a party full of men she doesn't know and fully trust means that a men who has sex with her then she's past the point of consent is bears no responsibility is like saying that someone who steals from unlocked car is also doing nothing wrong. Advising women to not over drink is not absolving any rapist from legal responsibility for their actions, it is promoting taking personal responsibility for one's safety. The speakers are taking responsibility away from women, which is the opposite of what you'd think feminism is about.

[@RAMtrails]

dancar711 drink responsibly? How dare you!

[@aracelyemmett3493]

Someone who has a working brain. You are quite a breath of fresh air on this thread.

[@esotericbeep5923]

If someone shoots me and I become injured, am I partly to blame because I didn't wear a bullet proof jacket

[@esotericbeep5923]

Ignore the other post you're right

[@aracelyemmett3493]

You all needs lives and a functioning social life. So sad,

[@johndoh1000]

Gender is bad

[@LucVNO]

Some people have way too much time on their hands. Stop nit picking language. Tough up. I've been called all sorts things and I'm not crying.

[@vvevv88]

"Some people have way too much time on their hands. Stop nit picking language. Tough up." Sounds like crying to me. Tough up.

[@LucVNO]

=]

[@Chipwhitley274]

I notice how they ignored "dick" when speaking about genital based insults... and I wonder if they can explain why half of domestic violence perpetrators or women. And are they claiming that there aren't women filing false rape reports because they regretted their choices, or because they were slighted and want revenge? I've also heard of cases of filing rape charges against someone they never slept with to cover up consensual sex with someone else.

[@Savnoc]

I thought TED Talks were supposed to be intellectual and interesting, but this is just stuff I've heard millions of times before from uneducated teenagers on Tumblr. How one person perceives society during a subjective event does not dictate how society functions as a whole. And the US is not a rape culture, not in the way the feminists think it is. A "rape culture" is "a society where rape is condoned or even encouraged" and in NO WAY is rape encouraged. Condoned when a male is the victim, sure. Here's some perspective: In 2010, 0.55% of the population was a male victim of homicide. That same year, 0.4% of the population was a female victim of rape. But we don't say "murder culture" do we?

[@kaitlincampanini1092]

1 in 5 women will be sexually assaulted at some point in their life and 1 in 3 will be in some sort of abusive relationship. Rape culture is not people saying "yeah that's okay.. Rape her/him". Rape culture is about societies perpetuation of norms and stereotypes. Like shaming and blaming the victim. Rape culture sadly is real and that's because of uneducated, pretentious people who refuse to even acknowledge it.

[@Savnoc]

Kaitlin Campanini The 1 in 5 and 1 in 3 numbers have been debunked years ago, I'd recommend against trying to use them as a scare tactic. Modern estimates place these numbers closer to 1 in 40 (or even as high as 1 in 1800, as per the Department of Justice) for rape, and over 500 studies show that men and women are equally likely to be the victim of domestic abuse. And no one reputable actually says "rape culture" regarding the USA unless referring to the prison or military. Even RAINN, possibly the most respected anti-rape and anti-abuse organization there is, has told people to stop claiming "rape culture" at every opportunity.

[@Savnoc]

+pkhang Stats on rape showing it's not 1 in 3/4/5: www.d.umn.edu/cla/faculty/jhamlin/3925/Readings/RapeCultureSummers.pdf time.com/100091/campus-sexual-assault-christina-hoff-sommers/ www.baltimoresun.com/news/opinion/oped/bs-ed-rape-statistics-20140928-story.html williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/press-releases/high-prevalence-of-sexual-victimization-detected-among-men-similar-to-prevalence-found-among-women-in-many-cases/ blog.oup.com/2013/07/myths-about-rape-myths/ www.city-journal.org/2008/18_1_campus_rape.html www.nationalreview.com/article/388502/rape-epidemic-fiction-kevin-d-williamson www.cotwa.info/2013/11/is-it-one-in-four-one-in-125-or-one-in.html shetterly.blogspot.com/2012/09/seven-problems-with-rape-culture-theory.html Domestic abuse: psychnews.psychiatryonline.org/newsarticle.aspx?articleid=111137 (one study) frauengewalt.wordpress.com/ (500+ studies) www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm (250+ studies)

[@phillycheesetake]

***** "Those people who refuse to believe there's rape culture are the very same ones who nourishes it." Circular reasoning fallacy.

[@jackcarter3944]

***** Yes, it's idiotic. We deny the existence of rape culture outside men's prisons in the US because it does not exist. --The circularity you note, though, is essential to feminism. Amanda Marcotte recently claimed the decrease in reported sexual assaults on campus can only mean that ever more women are too afraid to report. Amazing. When facts fail her, though, what's left?

[@alextremodelnorte1905]

Lame!

[@bloodmuffin123]

Men can punch harder

[@davidmiranda4745]

Can as in could. Women as well ;)

[@lockandloadlikehell]

I still don't know where all these female blackbelts working as high level doormen and bouncers are. They punch like men, so why aren't they capable of securing these positions? Why aren't elite female athletes dominating male Powerlifting, Strongman, the NFL, and winning male MMA matches and championships, and WBA/WNC titles? I don't get it at all. Language doesn't appear out of nowhere.

[@adambailey3257]

Well i must be the luckiest man alive, can't get near a woman, thank god for that.........

[@davidmiranda4745]

Incel alert

[@racheljordan5450]

Thank god, those lucky women

[@harryseldon6712]

If a girl does throw or punch like a girl, then for her, it is not an insult, but for a male it can be an insult. There is a large *physical* difference between males and females *structurally* and males have greater motor skills due to differences in the brain. The average female can't throw or punch nearly as well as the average male because of these structural and neurological differences (see wiki). This is simple FACT.

[@harryseldon6712]

The language is not insulting to women unless *feminists* want us to see it that way. Males evolved to be different to females; it goes back to when a tribe survived because men could use a spear to kill prey and women evolved to be astute at understanding the needs of children. Women are better communicators. These days *feminists* use their clearly higher communication skills to bitch, complain and demand that they must be as good as, or better than men ... in ALL things. As Margaret Thatcher said, *feminism is poison*.

[@dancarvin2443]

I agree with them that saying "punch like a girl" is sexist and demeaning to women. Anyone trained in martial arts or other physical combat disciplines knows that physical strength is only part of the equation. There's also use of leverage, knowing how to move, etc. A women well-trained trained to fight can probably take on the majority of men. But what does this have to do with rape? If the phrase "punches like a girl" is eliminated from language, is that really going to cause a single would-be rapist to change his mind?

[@harryseldon6712]

Dan Carvin "Punch like a girl" carries a certain meaning in your mind because *you think* that it is an insult. If girls hit the same as boys, or if you thought they did, it wouldn't be an insult. What you should do is take out your brain and give it a thorough spanking. If you KZbin search for "Loose Women" you will see a panel of women in a talk show. They are constantly demeaning men. There is a whole world of language, terminology and insults reserved for men. Most sitcoms display male characters as incompetent idiots while the female character is wise and saves the day. This show that most men can take it when humour demeans them, most women can't. A caricature artist knows he must draw women as more beautiful than they really are, but the artist can feel free to draw males with big noses and other flaws. I have talked to professionals. *Where are the videos on KZbin depicting men complaining about this inequity?* Men don't bother because men are either not interested or they are busy doing the mangina thing and sucking up to women. There are differences between the sexes, The complaints about language expressions based on these differences, come from a portion of oversensitive feminists who don't understand biology. Sometimes men defend this feminists but they are manginas. This oversensitivity of feminists tells all intelligent thinkers that some women are whiny complainers who ignore their own privileges and bad qualities. They want to be equal to men in ways they are inferior, they want to remain superior in ways that they are superior.

[@Lacoux]

Would the instructor be "animalist" if they said the student punched like a mantis shrimp. I don't see why a TKD teacher who may have observed many female and male students can not make a claim about the sexes and the way he generally sees them fight. Its obviously not the girl part that is the problem, but the form that women comfortably and frequently fall into given their general architecture. This is a none issue and as I women I could give less of a fuck if he said you punch like a bear, rock, or tree. All I care about is what about the form is incorrect and how can I correct it.

[@davidmiranda4745]

Very constructive and reflective conversation between men........ hahahah😝😝😝

[@2thomask]

if you are going to get so butthurt over something someone says improve what you are doing in the case of the instructor he has seen thousands of punches and kicks and probably recognized a trend of women punching from the chest and throwing a weaker punch... also the psychology of men and women are completely different women generally need compliments and softer language while guys generally take criticism and learn think marine core drill seargents or football coaches. so if the criticism isn't directed directly at you then don't complain

[@pentfold6534]

2thomas k Are you from Mars? Where have you got that nonsense from?

[@davidmiranda4745]

Just because you convince yourself of this doesn't make it reality. The world is bigger than your little hometown thoughts...

[@jtec99]

I'm sure we can all agree, science is science and men are physically stronger by design.

[@bgchal4662]

Hmm. I feel that it is not a problem of objectification of women or rape culture. When you think of the 1960's and 50's, I would bet that rape statistics are lower. And back then, women had genter roles and much less than today. I think it is a loss of chivalry and respect for one another in the society as a whole. I mean look at all the mass shootings that have been happening. We see our society losing its values thats all

[@Sophiedorian0535]

What a load of nonsense!

[@davidmiranda4745]

How so?

[@joshuadougall2544]

So damn cringy.

[@GDKLockout]

Go out on the street, pick a random young man and a random young woman. Ask them to punch your arm. And then unless you get very unlucky and get aomeone who has trained in fighting the man will either hurt, or really hurt and the woman might break her wrist. Hence forth.....punches like a girl.