Learning to Love Beyond Blood Ties | Can Ask Meh?

[@OGS.Official]

Thank you so much for the support shown for this episode. We're glad that so many of you found solace in Dewy's sharing 🙂 Some of you have informed us that adoption disclosure workshops usually encourage parents to let their children know when they are younger, to build a trusting relationship with each other early on. Dewy's unique experiences informed her stance to not let adopted children know at an early age, but we wanted to also highlight the alternative, to reassure parents who have disclosed, or are considering to disclose to their children at an early age. I've linked some resources below for workshops and additional information if you're interested to find out more 🙂 - Tan Tong (Producer) Adoption Disclosure Workshop by MSF: app.adoption.gov.sg/RegisterWorkshopIntro.aspx Consolidated List of Resources by TOUCH Community: www.touch.org.sg/about-touch/our-services/touch-adoption-homepage/adoption-service

[@jessical7083]

Yes most people in the know will advise to tell the child early. I feel that Dewy didn't have the best adoptive parents and so this has brought on her 'blaming' the fact that they are her adoptive parents. She even calls them 'fake parents'. I wish you had another view from other adoptees as Dewy doesn't paint an accurate picture at all. Yes I know it's her view, but there are many adoptees out there with great adoptive parents who are glad they were told when younger that they were chosen and not birthed.

[@tangjy]

Mine was the opposite. They lied whenever I asked, & only told me when I was leaving for university. That made me feel like I was crazy/ delusional for over a decade!

[@bhaktichou]

"no one taught them to be parents, and they did their best" really shows how much of wisdom, maturity, patience and love Dewy taught herself in her life

[@ivanteo1973]

not true. every parent's parents, whether foster or not taught them to be. Likewise you learn from who took care of you.

[@macandtoes]

Dewy is such a outspoken person, very fun... she rarely shows this side of her, never would guessed that she was adopted.

[@OGS.Official]

Before working on this video, I mostly knew Dewy through her TikTok content too, so it was really nice to sit down and chat about something more sombre. Glad you enjoyed the episode :) - Tan Tong (Producer)

[@eddy-currents]

@@OGS.Official This was a really good episode, hope you guys keep up the great work

[@genitalman4016]

Lol yeah

[@TotallyGlar]

Damn the part when she talks about her angry inner child.. I felt that. I loved seeing this side of her!

[@ciggytwiggy]

Can tell she is in a lot of pain internally. I hope that she gets help professionally from a very objective counsellor. Her feelings of abandonment can translate to her other personal relationships especially romantic ones.

[@ABC-ed8cg]

All adopted children experience the same. Esp when their adoptive parents treat them as an insurance for old age. I’m adopted too. I regretted sharing about my background with one of my secondary school friends cos she judged me.

[@Howardggoh]

what an insightful episode about dewy, never knew she was adopted

[@estylim]

It's so beautiful that she imagines her own child will be the first person she will know that is blood-related to her. As someone with a typical family as the default, I initially thought that blood or not it doesn't matter because family is determined by relationships. But this really put into perspective how being blood-related can matter a lot to some people and it's something many take for granted. Was very moved by this :")

[@MengLeeLim]

NOBODY taught your BIRTH PARENTS good parenting BUT they have INDIRECTLY taught you HOW TO BE A GOOD PARENT!

[@snuffypancake]

wait I’m actually kinda impressed how dewy could still rmb what happened at 2 years old and actually understood the word “adopted”...

[@vivsmeliatz4397]

Im kinda wondering too…

[@Wra8h]

It says at 12 years old

[@zhiqiangng95]

Im adopted as well but i think everyone has their own unique “situation”. I accidentally found out that I was adopted when i was 12 through some adoption papers that i found but my parent’s still did not know that I knew that till today. I am very grateful that my parents have showered me with love even till today and i appreciate them. I am actually happy that i was adopted and have always maintain a positive mentality regardless of what others do/say. You live for yourself. Dewy, stay strong!

[@kaelynong8046]

me too! i am adopted but my parents showed a lot of love to me and I never felt lonely because I know that my parents will always be there for me ❤

[@joyteo1155]

Adapted or not its up to us if we choose to be greatful and thankful. Its easy to say what parents should have done but only time can tell if they can do it once they become a parent.

[@sophiaisabelle01]

This seems like an emotional testimony. Somehow I can relate to her not feeling enough in everything I do in my life. May God bless you all.

[@ridhwannabe]

Dewy is going to be a great mom one day. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@tanjunhao9546]

Healing the inner child is a pretty recurrent issue and should be treated seriously. I'm glad people are able to open up and see that side rather than just denying and ignoring it, thinking that they're rid of it.

[@ABC-ed8cg]

Many ppl make ignorant comments like ‘She should be grateful’, “Why is she so bitter?” Most of you don’t even know half of the things experienced by adoptees. We can forgive the verbal and emotional abuse by our adoptive parents, but we will never forget. I’m still grateful towards my parents for bringing me up but this doesn’t take away the fact that i truly suffered esp in childhood when i was the most vulnerable. I was from adopted from China at 5. My adoptive mum made it very clear that i was a last-resort insurance for old age. She had a miscarriage once and was told the foetus was deformed due to my adoptive dad being an unhealthy eater. My adoptive mum was too afraid to conceive after that. If I dared to talk back or raise my voice at my mum in Pri and Sec sch, I was punished to sleep on the cold, hard marble floor without mattress or pillows. She’d even kick me with her feet when I was already sound asleep. She demanded 100% obedience. If I fell short of her expectations, she’d be like “难怪别人跟我说中国女人真的不可以要”。She’d even say “I should have tried for another kid of my own again!!” Other times she would say things like “You’re an UNWANTED CHILD. EVEN YOUR OWN MOTHER DOESN’T WANT YOU. I kindly took you in, yet you’re like this! Such a disappointment!” Birth parents scold their children but the words will never be this cutting. I have contemplated suicide countless times but I’m scared of pain, that’s why I’m still around. I have been self-employed for close to a decade and when she learnt about my job, she said I’m a useless person & that I’m so xia suey that I could only give her $400 a month unlike her friend’s children. So if you’re talking about ‘’bitter’’, she is the bitter one because I didn’t fit her dream of the ideal child who can give her thousands of $ of allowance every month. One time she kept nagging about how useless I am. I got so angry and swiped the small table fan on the kitchen counter. She called the police!! And told the police I’m adopted yet I’m not grateful. Is there a need to share such info willy nilly!? And call the police about such things?!! I did lots of things alone in childhood and adulthood cos I didn’t have much support from my family. When I booked for LASIK, I also got the nag of my life. I was given cold shoulder for a long time and was told I’m wasting $. I went for the surgery alone and came back in a taxi by myself. Just like there are nasty birth parents, there are nasty adoptive parents. In my 30’s, I moved out and my r/s with my mum has improved. Normal children given my treatment would already have cut off ties with them. Whenever I got scolded, I’d confide in 2 of my sec sch classmates. One of them is nice, the other judged me even until now! Most ppl have bad impression about prc girls & if they know we are adopted, all the more they’ll look down on us. I recently bumped into her at a mall & I said hi to her, she looked at me disdainfully as if to say “What are you an adopted China girl doing here?” And made it like she needed to rush off even though she was earlier chatting leisurely with her friends. I regretted sharing my origin cos ppl do judge. Even within the family, relatives judge me. One uncle told another, “This China girl is here to get inheritance” & my mum heard it and scolded him. But my mum would sometimes bring up what the uncle said against me. She would say “You see, so many ppl look down on you! So you must prove them wrong. “🙄🙄 I wish I wasn’t adopted. But most importantly, I wish I wasn’t born. I’m an anti-natalist largely because of this. Life is suffering and it’s unfair to impose a life of suffering and illness on another life. I will never give birth. Even if I wasn’t adopted, I wish I could make the sensible stand of anti-natalism, what with the environmental destruction going on.

[@MsTinkerbelle87]

They will never get it💔

[@dewychoo_]

Thank you for having me ❤

[@OGS.Official]

We had a great time speaking to you too! Thanks for being vulnerable with us on set

[@musenw8834]

Just read up about you actually. I think whether step or real mother, what matters is having a real parental figure in your life can make an impact on you.

[@krollpeter]

@@musenw8834 right, even if the parents are not perfect, they are your parents! The worst is having no parents as a child, not having "not the best" parents.

[@knightthezero]

My husband is adopted and he doesn’t talk about it much but this was really enlightening and a great source of information for someone who loves an adopted person. Thank you Dewy ❤

[@amandaheng8345]

You have legit just taken all the words from my mouth that I have not been able to say as an adopted child. It’s scary that everything you said is what I felt and still feel sometimes. Thank you for sharing Dewy ❤

[@chilli4453]

Such a raw and vulnerable confession. I really appreciate that you shared your feelings with all of us ❤

[@chuatimothy9330]

Well, I'm adopted, I know it as I'm adopted from another country, I grew up fighting with classmates calling me an alien and calling me name and ask me to go back to my country. My parents are Singaporeans, they divorced and both of them don't want custody of me. Yet, I am grateful, serve the country, sworn my diligence, and I am grateful for being adopted.

[@mtpei3006]

Dude. I wish for you to be surrounded by people who are there for you and support you so you have your own family.

[@krollpeter]

"Well, I'm adopted, I know it as I'm adopted from another country, I grew up fighting with classmates calling me an alien and calling me name and ask me to go back to my country." And I thought we are over that

[@jessical7083]

Actually the advise is to tell adoptee children EARLY that they are adopted. From Dewy's interview, I don't think she had good adoptive parents. That's why she 'blames' them when they don't treat her well, and feels that it's because they aren't her biological parents. She even calls them 'fake parents' which is telling la. I wish this program had different views from other adoptees as Dewy isn't the norm for adoptees. Many I know are grateful to being adopted, feel like their parents are their 'real parents' and don't regret being told early on that they weren't birthed by the adoptive parents. Dewy didn't get a good deal I'm guessing, that's why she's so sour and sad and regrets being told she's adopted. This is an issue of her adoptive parents' shortcomings, and not about adoptive parents per se.

[@ABC-ed8cg]

You don’t even know half of the things experienced by adoptees. I was from adopted from China at 5. My adoptive mum made it very clear that i was a last-resort insurance for old age. She had a miscarriage once and was told the foetus was deformed due to my adoptive dad being an unhealthy eater. My adoptive mum was too afraid to conceive after that. If I dared to talk back or raise my voice at my mum in Pri and Sec sch, I was punished to sleep on the cold, hard marble floor without mattress or pillows. She’d even kick me with her feet when I was already sound asleep. She demanded 100% obedience. If I fell short of her expectations, she’d be like “难怪别人跟我说中国女人真的不可以要”。She’d even say “I should have tried for another kid of my own again!!” Other times she would say things like “You’re an UNWANTED CHILD. EVEN YOUR OWN MOTHER DOESN’T WANT YOU. I kindly took you in, yet you’re like this! Such a disappointment!” Birth parents scold their children but the words will never be this cutting. I have contemplated suicide countless times but I’m scared of pain, that’s why I’m still around. I have been self-employed for close to a decade and when she learnt about my job, she said I’m a useless person & that I’m so xia suey that I could only give her $400 a month unlike her friend’s children. So if you’re talking about ‘’bitter’’, she is the bitter one because I didn’t fit her dream of the ideal child who can give her thousands of $ of allowance every month. One time she kept nagging about how useless I am. I got so angry and swiped the small table fan on the kitchen counter. She called the police!! And told the police I’m adopted yet I’m not grateful. Is there a need to share such info willy nilly!? And call the police about such things?!! I did lots of things alone in childhood and adulthood cos I didn’t have much support from my family. When I booked for LASIK, I also got the nag of my life. I was given cold shoulder for a long time and was told I’m wasting $. I went for the surgery alone and came back in a taxi by myself. Just like there are nasty birth parents, there are nasty adoptive parents. Even though I’m still grateful for my adoptive parents for bringing me up, I suffered a lot during my childhood all the way to adulthood. I’ve moved out now and my r/s with her has improved. Normal children given my treatment would already have cut off ties with them. You don’t even know what we have experienced, so you have no right to comment. Even within the family, relatives judge me. One uncle told another, “This China girl is here to get inheritance” & my mum heard it and scolded him. But my mum would sometimes bring up what the uncle said against me. She would say “You see, so many ppl look down on you! So you must prove them wrong. “🙄🙄 I wish I wasn’t adopted. But most importantly, I wish I wasn’t born. I’m an anti-natalist largely because of this. Life is suffering and it’s unfair to impose a life of suffering and illness on another life. I will never give birth. Even if I wasn’t adopted, I wish I could make the sensible stand of anti-natalism, what with the environmental destruction going on.

[@TheCalendarfish]

Thanks Dewy for sharing your journey so candidly. It made my eyes... dewy 🥺

[@spikeyholly3023]

My whole childhood I felt unwanted, and the sad thing is that I’m not adopted. I couldn’t tell myself that I was being treated badly because I was adopted. I remember almost jumping out of our moving car as it was speeding down the highway in Malaysia. I told myself the next scolding, I would do it, and even today, I know that I would really have done it. It wasn’t an empty threat I was making to myself, but a solemn promise. Miraculously, the next scolding didn’t come until the car ride was over, so I hadn’t jumped. I was very close to suicide that day

[@Natsumiychoco]

I hope you have better days from now on! everyone deserve to be treated right! I had feel that and its horrible(to jump from a car )

[@cheowweikoay2601]

God loves you. You have to live through that spikes no matter how times it come in future ... It won't be easier, but it will be better.

[@krollpeter]

Some parents scold and nag too much, I must say: Specifically Asian parents vs. European parents.

[@rickapicka5043]

every time i watch any of can ask meh episodes, i know i WILL cry. thank you for ogs staff and dewy!

[@norhyzadaud9040]

I was brought up without a Mother's Love...till now i'm already 46yrs old. Mom still ard but relationship still sour as before...i feel her..i really feel her on how one is being rejected. Hugs to you Babe...😘

[@longhl]

My grandma was adopted as those were the days when sg was poor and parents gave their children especially girls away if they were poor. She confided in me she blamed her birth parents for giving her up and she could not grow up together with them and her two elder sisters. She felt angry her whole life and her adopted parent worked her hard like a horse. Young Singaporeans, all of us should treasure the peace and prosperity in sg now! Thank you for sharing Dewy, you brought back my memories of my grandma who had a hard life.

[@jenniferh189]

Thank you so much for willing be so vulnerable...I promise you are helping other families out there. I have an adopted toddler and I just adore her, she is everything to us. We want to be the best parents in the world to her. People like you really help guide understand the pain and experience of adoptees. I pray for your comfort and thank you for your help.

[@prisca0065]

Thanks Dewy for opening up your heart with the emotional sharing, touching on such a sensitive subject that is so close to your heart. May you find great joy in the process through appreciating your adoptive parents as they age.

[@lydiat5819]

I do not know which is worse - being adopted and feeling unwanted or not being adopted but repeatedly told that I should have been given away for adoption and not felt any love within the family. Which one is worse ? I always wished I was adopted, life was such a misery and frequently thought about suicide but was not brave enough to do it. It hurts so bad I can't even talk about it.

[@renek2913]

Both are equally worse. That's why I think people should really only have kids if they wanted and love kids but so many parents think they are entitled to grandchildren and pressure their children even if they doesn't want to have kids. This situation would only end up with the children end up resenting their kids instead

[@farihamohamedhilmy4700]

It’s such an eye opener to hear Dewy’s story about being adopted. She is such a strong girl for having to go far in life ⭐️

[@Chloeee.c]

Found out 2 years ago that i was adopted & didn’t know what to feel at that point of time. After my mom came out to me about this, i felt closer to my family than before & told them i was grateful for them and to be here. Without them i would still be in Indonesia’s adoption centre 🥲 & now I understand that family is more than just blood 💜

[@OGS.Official]

Thanks for sharing your story! We hope you found this video comforting :'')

[@Chloeee.c]

@@OGS.Official thank you for making so many amazing videos 💜💜💜

[@lamivan9637]

You’re so blessed, Do you still remember when u are age of 2?? .. I can’t remember when I was age of 2 🥹 I hope I can remember it.

[@Chloeee.c]

@@lamivan9637 sadly i can't rmb anyt :(

[@krollpeter]

@@Chloeee.c they chose you, so ... they wanted you!

[@kaylahuang9852]

8:14 damn thats such a beautiful way to look at it, idk this part really got me tearing up

[@pllin240]

thank you for being courageous to share your life 🙏🏼

[@AM257.]

this hits hard because i was also adopted, I knew since I was 5 or 6. my parents don't know that I know, but my aunts and uncles do know and have confirmed that I am adopted. growing up my mom was very tough on me, I remember having days where I would daydreamed about having a loving mom. thank you for this beautiful video, and dewy you are not alone. much love

[@chickenmcnuggets9238]

I dont intend to get married and was considering adopting a child in future when i have more financial stability. This is really thought provoking and shows how important it is when you communicate with your child on the adoption matters. Would certainly research thoroughly if i am going to break the news to my adopted child in future.

[@MsTinkerbelle87]

Stay positive towards birth parents, that’s so important! Mine talked so much bs but when I finally met her, she was the most loving person.

[@user-gq9ub7tb1z]

It would be a great episode to gather different adopted children to get different perspectives! It would be so interesting to see their views and feelings

[@mono9196]

+1 and also on orphans

[@wzchen5071]

I was blown away when she says her child will be there 1st person she knows with blood ties... It certainly mean a lot to her. Jiayou Dewy💪

[@collonbiscuit]

Dewy's so amazing for being willing to be vulnerable in front of a camera..

[@ChirpyChat]

What a lovely lovely young lady. You don't owe your adoptive parents anything because you are their reward for loving you well enough to let you come into your own - with your own identity conflicts and eventually - growth.

[@zyaanna]

thank you dewy for your vulnerability

[@maxinehugo]

THIS MADE ME CRY BROOOO

[@carinetan1026]

such an interesting perspective to understand how an adopted child views her parents! We are more familiar with the narrative of how couples choose to adopt instead of having their own kids so that there would be one less orphan in the world. Thanks for showing us this insight :)

[@amisguidedbutterfly]

I genuinely feel broken for you. So many circumstances but you have this 1 life, resolve these issues as best you can and live it as best you can. You are unique and have the most unique experience to share for life.

[@ashleyee4656]

Stay strong Dewy, we're here for you!!💗💗 Love ur tik tok content,hope to meet u irl one day:)

[@jen3850]

She’s so strong to answer these questions. 🥺

[@raydiane1]

Our parents are product of their generations. Some of my siblings sometimes blame them for certain things but I will never do that. Parents are humans and have their own faults and they raised us the only way they think it’s right or know how. I had thought about adoption many years ago but decided against it. After watching so many adoptees complaining about their adoptive parents and have embarked on a quest to locate their birth parents, I was discouraged. Now I only adopt and rescue dogs and cats. They love me unconditionally. Best decision of my life.

[@ello4869]

guys. if u wanna ask sensitive stuff from a person, at least give them a sofa or smth comfortable to sit on. this looks like an interrogation.

[@CalFM]

It's nice to see family members growing together. As much as no on is perfect from the start, I believe like what she said "being grateful" is a good mindset to put on. Stay strong Dewy! (:

[@leliaseah5388]

i actually cried watching this cuz i can relate to the part where she talks abt like, being loud and stuff cuz i feel like, if im not funny, im not good enough like, im not important or maybe even sort of hated by others, im 13 and idk where i get it from, i mean, my childhood wasnt hard, it was quite smooth and easy, yk?

[@haleylow]

Just to let you know that different people feel differently and as a adopted person myself I can relate to some things she said and don't agree with some things so pls don't think that all adopted people feel neglected as a child

[@ABC-ed8cg]

Your statement is so duh. It goes without saying that every adopted child has diff adoptive parents. You say it like adopted kids feel unwanted just cos their birth parents have given them up. There’s more to it. Adoptive parents’ attitude towards us plays a big role in how loved we feel. Just cos your adoptive parents treated you well doesn’t mean all other adoptive parents treat their adopted children in the same loving manner. Growing up, whenever I had a conflict with my mum, she’d say “You’re an unwanted child. Even your own mother didn’t want you. I so kindly took you in, yet you’re like this! Such a disappointment!” So yes, some adoptive kids do suffer verbal & emotional abuse by adoptive parents through no fault of their own in being abandoned by their birth parents

[@ycottingham822]

Completely relate to this, I was adopted at 2 and a half from China and found out at about 4 or 5 I think but I definitely feel everything Dewy is saying here.

[@ABC-ed8cg]

I’m the same. I was adopted from China when I was 5. My biological sis was 4 then & was adopted by my adoptive mum’s friend. I’m curious about your experience as an adopted child & your relationship with your adoptive parents. I hate my origin cos I feel that I have a slight prc accent even when I speak English now (I’m already 35) even though coming to sg at 5 is still considered young. It didn’t help that my adoptive father is a Chinese teacher so all the more my Chinese got even better & my English didn’t get much chance to improve. In adulthood, I compensate by going full English mode. I only converse with my parents in mandarin. I speak to hubby in English. I read mainly English materials & watch mainly English shows & listen to English songs. Growing up, my adoptive mum was only nice to me if I met her expectations. As I’m the only child and a daughter at that, she was very strict with me. I have never felt much love from her. Whenever I had a conflict with her, she’d say “You’re an unwanted child. Even your own mother didn’t want you. I so kindly took you in, yet you’re like this! Such a disappointment!” Whenever I got scolded, I’d confide in 2 of my sec sch classmates. One of them is nice, the other judged me even until now! Most ppl have bad impression about prc girls & if they know we are adopted, all the more they’ll look down on you. I recently bumped into her at a mall & I said hi to her, she looked at me disdainfully as if to say “What are you an adopted China girl doing here?” And made it like she needed to rush off even though she was earlier chatting leisurely with her friends. I regretted sharing my origin cos ppl do judge. Even within the family, relatives judge me. One uncle told another, “This China girl is here to get inheritance” & my mum heard it and scolded him. But my mum would sometimes bring up what the uncle said against me. She would say “You see, so many ppl look down on you! So you must prove them wrong. “🙄🙄 Wish I wasn’t adopted. But most importantly, I wish I wasn’t born. I’m an antinatalist largely because of this. Life is suffering and it’s unfair to impose a life of suffering and illness on another life. I will never give birth. My sis recently got married. She didn’t tell her hubby about our origin for fear she’ll get judged. In adulthood, my mum was still occasionally nasty to me and I confided in my hubby about my origin. I feel very vulnerable after sharing that I’m an unwanted person with no other family members or relatives caring for me. It puts me in a bad light whenever I have an argument with him too.

[@bernyplays]

I didn't expect to cry at this video.

[@taeshand_elephant8257]

I rly relate to the part where she said she was jealous of her friend's rs with her parents. I keep trying to improve my rs with my parents bc I want mine to be as good as theirs, n it gets exhausting sometimes bc to diff ppl, there are diff ways of 'being close'. And my parents may not be as friendly/sociable/express love the same way.

[@MsLilac88]

I am adopted at a young age too, my adoptive parents are okay. 👌 I can relate to her, she is really courageous.

[@leewayne4458]

Totally agreed with you, on family is beyond blood. Glad. 😊 you are not alone. Keep up the good work and strive towards your goal and future drewy.

[@prickleecactus23]

Humour and sarcasm are her main defense mechanisms

[@clementng7718]

Thanks for sharing, really touching 👌🥰🌹💗

[@MsTinkerbelle87]

Oh Dewy💔 Same! You’re not alone….

[@VilotAngelzxc]

A big hug to you dewy 💓 nobody is here on Earth to be alone :)

[@imbomi7845]

I related to this so much, thank you Dewy.

[@jessical7083]

This poor girl didn't get good adoptive parents la, just as many get bad birth parents too. THAT is the issue here. Not all adoptive parents raise angry and sad adoptee children. Just leaving this here.

[@ABC-ed8cg]

Sad & angry? Are you hearing yourself? You don’t even know half of the things experienced by adoptees. We can forgive the verbal and emotional abuse by our adoptive parents, but we will never forget. I’m still grateful towards them for bringing me up but this doesn’t take away the fact that we truly suffered esp in childhood when we were the most vulnerable. I was from adopted from China at 5. My adoptive mum made it very clear that i was a last-resort insurance for old age. She had a miscarriage once and was told the foetus was deformed due to my adoptive dad being an unhealthy eater. My adoptive mum was too afraid to conceive after that. If I dared to talk back or raise my voice at my mum in Pri and Sec sch, I was punished to sleep on the cold, hard marble floor without mattress or pillows. She’d even kick me with her feet when I was already sound asleep. She demanded 100% obedience. If I fell short of her expectations, she’d be like “难怪别人跟我说中国女人真的不可以要”。She’d even say “I should have tried for another kid of my own again!!” Other times she would say things like “You’re an UNWANTED CHILD. EVEN YOUR OWN MOTHER DOESN’T WANT YOU. I kindly took you in, yet you’re like this! Such a disappointment!” Birth parents scold their children but the words will never be this cutting. I have contemplated suicide countless times but I’m scared of pain, that’s why I’m still around. I have been self-employed for close to a decade and when she learnt about my job, she said I’m a useless person & that I’m so xia suey that I could only give her $400 a month unlike her friend’s children. So if you’re talking about ‘’bitter’’, she is the bitter one because I didn’t fit her dream of the ideal child who can give her thousands of $ of allowance every month. One time she kept nagging about how useless I am. I got so angry and swiped the small table fan on the kitchen counter. She called the police!! And told the police I’m adopted yet I’m not grateful. Is there a need to share such info willy nilly!? And call the police about such things?!! I did lots of things alone in childhood and adulthood cos I didn’t have much support from my family. When I booked for LASIK, I also got the nag of my life. I was given cold shoulder for a long time and was told I’m wasting $. I went for the surgery alone and came back in a taxi by myself. Just like there are nasty birth parents, there are nasty adoptive parents. Even though I’m still grateful for my adoptive parents for bringing me up, I suffered a lot during my childhood all the way to adulthood. I’ve moved out now and my r/s with her has improved. Normal children given my treatment would already have cut off ties with them. You don’t even know what we have experienced, so you have no right to comment. Even within the family, relatives judge me. One uncle told another, “This China girl is here to get inheritance” & my mum heard it and scolded him. But my mum would sometimes bring up what the uncle said against me. She would say “You see, so many ppl look down on you! So you must prove them wrong. “🙄🙄 I wish I wasn’t adopted. But most importantly, I wish I wasn’t born. I’m an anti-natalist largely because of this. Life is suffering and it’s unfair to impose a life of suffering and illness on another life. I will never give birth. Even if I wasn’t adopted, I wish I could make the sensible stand of anti-natalism, what with the environmental destruction going on.

[@Jesstherandomer]

this was so sweet, i am so proud of her for being so self aware and open about it especially🥺

[@spectacularangular637]

dew you are so precious and lovely. stay strong and love you!

[@aisyahmohamed1170]

I am adopted too. Vulnerable feeling

[@mahamuthafathima12b19]

I can say that she is deeply wounded for sure.......i would really want dewy to have her own kid before she adopts one cause her soul is just aching for a biological blood relationship. One day she will definitely own someone with all the due raw rights and she will definitely experience unconditional love. Dewy, you got really jealous seeing other kids having a loving mom but i'm now we all going to be really jealous of your kid cause he/she is going to have the best mom ever, that is you.

[@yangtzeling7468]

The taboo of being adopted is so ingrained in her that she idealises the idea of blood relation. There are no perfect parents. And I can imagine bringing her up is no walk in the park either. Best to not adopt this victim mentality and live life with gratitude.

[@ABC-ed8cg]

I wouldn’t call it a victim mentality. You don’t even know half of the things experienced by adoptees. We can forgive the verbal and emotional abuse by our adoptive parents, but we will never forget. I’m still grateful towards them for bringing me up but this doesn’t take away the fact that we truly suffered esp in childhood when we were the most vulnerable. I was from adopted from China at 5. My adoptive mum made it very clear that i was a last-resort insurance for old age. She had a miscarriage once and was told the foetus was deformed due to my adoptive dad being an unhealthy eater. My adoptive mum was too afraid to conceive after that. If I dared to talk back or raise my voice at my mum in Pri and Sec sch, I was punished to sleep on the cold, hard marble floor without mattress or pillows. She’d even kick me with her feet when I was already sound asleep. She demanded 100% obedience. If I fell short of her expectations, she’d be like “难怪别人跟我说中国女人真的不可以要”。She’d even say “I should have tried for another kid of my own again!!” Other times she would say things like “You’re an UNWANTED CHILD. EVEN YOUR OWN MOTHER DOESN’T WANT YOU. I kindly took you in, yet you’re like this! Such a disappointment!” Birth parents scold their children but the words will never be this cutting. I have contemplated suicide countless times but I’m scared of pain, that’s why I’m still around. I have been self-employed for close to a decade and when she learnt about my job, she said I’m a useless person & that I’m so xia suey that I could only give her $400 a month unlike her friend’s children. So if you’re talking about ‘’bitter’’, she is the bitter one because I didn’t fit her dream of the ideal child who can give her thousands of $ of allowance every month. One time she kept nagging about how useless I am. I got so angry and swiped the small table fan on the kitchen counter. She called the police!! And told the police I’m adopted yet I’m not grateful. Is there a need to share such info willy nilly!? And call the police about such things?!! I did lots of things alone in childhood and adulthood cos I didn’t have much support from my family. When I booked for LASIK, I also got the nag of my life. I was given cold shoulder for a long time and was told I’m wasting $. I went for the surgery alone and came back in a taxi by myself. Just like there are nasty birth parents, there are nasty adoptive parents. Even though I’m still grateful for my adoptive parents for bringing me up, I suffered a lot during my childhood all the way to adulthood. I’ve moved out now and my r/s with her has improved. Normal children given my treatment would already have cut off ties with them. You don’t even know what we have experienced, so you have no right to comment. Even within the family, relatives judge me. One uncle told another, “This China girl is here to get inheritance” & my mum heard it and scolded him. But my mum would sometimes bring up what the uncle said against me. She would say “You see, so many ppl look down on you! So you must prove them wrong. “🙄🙄 I wish I wasn’t adopted. But most importantly, I wish I wasn’t born. I’m an anti-natalist largely because of this. Life is suffering and it’s unfair to impose a life of suffering and illness on another life. I will never give birth. Even if I wasn’t adopted, I wish I could make the sensible stand of anti-natalism, what with the environmental destruction going on.

[@yangtzeling7468]

@@ABC-ed8cg You could either use your experience to be stronger or you could allow it to consume you. Wishing you were not adopted or born is futile. As an adult now , you can severe all ties with them. If you still choose to be in contact , it’s your choice.

[@abdulrajaf6]

Hi..Dewy..Honestly..Grateful to survive after....you are Adopted..n make your way UP..True Many Orphans than PARENTS...as a PARENT myself...Take a LOT of Patience.....when things Don't work out as PLAN...

[@samasan7027]

Last time, i know a teenage come from a complicated background. He was adopted at young age and get into serious issue during teenage stage . Adopted parent divorce and remarry. I spent some time communicate with him. We cant chose our parent but at least we can choose our path .

[@nlorens]

"We cant chose our parent but at least we can choose our path". Love that.

[@ABC-ed8cg]

But parents play the most crucial role in shaping our worldview and in providing us with a sense of security. If we don’t experience that in childhood, we will definitely be affected somehow.

[@drwuxu]

Her life seems to be filled with fun

[@stacieberries]

I once saw this: Birth parents = your parents might not choose to have you Adopted parents = your parent chose you.

[@ABC-ed8cg]

That’s just an over-simplified and not very nuanced way of looking at the issue. I’m still grateful towards my adoptive parents for bringing me up but it doesn’t take away the fact that I truly suffered esp in childhood when i was the most vulnerable. I’m sure many other adoptees feel the same way. Lemme share about my experience: I was from adopted from China at 5. My adoptive mum made it very clear that i was a last-resort insurance for old age. She had a miscarriage once and was told the foetus was deformed due to my adoptive dad being an unhealthy eater. My adoptive mum was too afraid to conceive after that. If I dared to talk back or raise my voice at my mum in Pri and Sec sch, I was punished to sleep on the cold, hard marble floor without mattress or pillows. She’d even kick me with her feet when I was already sound asleep. She demanded 100% obedience. If I fell short of her expectations, she’d be like “难怪别人跟我说中国女人真的不可以要”。She’d even say “I should have tried for another kid of my own again!!” Other times she would say things like “You’re an UNWANTED CHILD. EVEN YOUR OWN MOTHER DOESN’T WANT YOU. I kindly took you in, yet you’re like this! Such a disappointment!” Birth parents scold their children but the words will never be this cutting. I have contemplated suicide countless times but I’m scared of pain, that’s why I’m still around. I have been self-employed for close to a decade and when she learnt about my job, she said I’m a useless person & that I’m so xia suey that I could only give her $400 a month unlike her friend’s children. So if you’re talking about ‘’bitter’’, she is the bitter one because I didn’t fit her dream of the ideal child who can give her thousands of $ of allowance every month. One time she kept nagging about how useless I am. I got so angry and swiped the small table fan on the kitchen counter. She called the police!! And told the police I’m adopted yet I’m not grateful. Is there a need to share such info willy nilly!? And call the police about such things?!! I did lots of things alone in childhood and adulthood cos I didn’t have much support from my family. When I booked for LASIK, I also got the nag of my life. I was given cold shoulder for a long time and was told I’m wasting $. I went for the surgery alone and came back in a taxi by myself. Just like there are nasty birth parents, there are nasty adoptive parents. Even though I’m still grateful for my adoptive parents for bringing me up, I suffered a lot during my childhood all the way to adulthood. I’ve moved out now and my r/s with her has improved. Normal children given my treatment would already have cut off ties with them. You don’t even know what we have experienced, so you have no right to comment. Even within the family, relatives judge me. One uncle told another, “This China girl is here to get inheritance” & my mum heard it and scolded him. But my mum would sometimes bring up what the uncle said against me. She would say “You see, so many ppl look down on you! So you must prove them wrong. “🙄🙄 I wish I wasn’t adopted. But most importantly, I wish I wasn’t born. I’m an anti-natalist largely because of this. Life is suffering and it’s unfair to impose a life of suffering and illness on another life. I will never give birth. Even if I wasn’t adopted, I wish I could make the sensible stand of anti-natalism, what with the environmental destruction going on.

[@MsTinkerbelle87]

I think that’s a very complicated answer because me personally sometimes I feel like most of us who were adopted, we were simply a dopamine fix 💔🥺

[@iansilverlight4540]

True indeed... paraphrasing Les Brown Biological mother gave me Life.. Adoptive mother gave me Love.... (ideally for Dewy) Dewy.. you found Love through Life.. Love and Protect your future children for they are your Heart; yet to meet you with hugs and kisses that you deserve.. from headaches and naughty bouts to that special.." I Love you mummy.." I was fortunate to hear my late daughter who hugged me "I love you daddy" in her final weeks in KKH 2013. Keep reaching out. Be Strong as someone.. maybe more are just looking out to you or waiting to be borne by you to be their loving mother. God Bless you.🍀🌷❤🙏

[@wwpoof]

Maybe it's easier said than done. I know that. Being adopted can be a journey of struggle for both the adopted person as well as the adopted parents. It's not easy. My own late mom was adopted and she was somehow bothered by it alot throughout her life and altho she didn't share her feelings much, she didn't seem a happy person. From her experience, I am thinking maybe if you step backwards and look at the bigger picture, life in general. Seriously even blood siblings and/ or parents (relationship wise) may not be any easier. If an adopted person keeps mentally harping on negative thinking, then that person will always be bitter and angry (like my late mom). Perhaps an adoptee needs to decide for herself/ himself whether she/ he wants to be unhappy all their life? How about if you look "the other way", for example, if you have not been adopted, would your birth family be able to provide for you fully, including your education (which is important you know... it's basic survival!), a decent living without hunger or poverty, abuse etc. If u think of what you have "gained", maybe you could be more grateful and alot more happier. If you think that the current family is your family, the only family you have, and if you have love in your heart, maybe you can turnaround the situation, hopefully for the better. I hope you do not carry the negative stigma of being an adoptee like my late mom did. I am sure all of us wish that you will put the past behind and live a happy life in the future. Wishing you luck and may God bless you. Cheers 😘❤️.

[@ngyeemoy6949]

Yes I fully agreed. Well said...

[@ABC-ed8cg]

You don’t even know half of the things experienced by adoptees. We can forgive the verbal and emotional abuse by our adoptive parents, but we will never forget. I’m still grateful towards them for bringing me up but this doesn’t take away the fact that we truly suffered esp in childhood when we were the most vulnerable. I was from adopted from China at 5. My adoptive mum made it very clear that i was a last-resort insurance for old age. She had a miscarriage once and was told the foetus was deformed due to my adoptive dad being an unhealthy eater. My adoptive mum was too afraid to conceive after that. If I dared to talk back or raise my voice at my mum in Pri and Sec sch, I was punished to sleep on the cold, hard marble floor without mattress or pillows. She’d even kick me with her feet when I was already sound asleep. She demanded 100% obedience. If I fell short of her expectations, she’d be like “难怪别人跟我说中国女人真的不可以要”。She’d even say “I should have tried for another kid of my own again!!” Other times she would say things like “You’re an UNWANTED CHILD. EVEN YOUR OWN MOTHER DOESN’T WANT YOU. I kindly took you in, yet you’re like this! Such a disappointment!” Birth parents scold their children but the words will never be this cutting. I have contemplated suicide countless times but I’m scared of pain, that’s why I’m still around. I have been self-employed for close to a decade and when she learnt about my job, she said I’m a useless person & that I’m so xia suey that I could only give her $400 a month unlike her friend’s children. So if you’re talking about ‘’bitter’’, she is the bitter one because I didn’t fit her dream of the ideal child who can give her thousands of $ of allowance every month. One time she kept nagging about how useless I am. I got so angry and swiped the small table fan on the kitchen counter. She called the police!! And told the police I’m adopted yet I’m not grateful. Is there a need to share such info willy nilly!? And call the police about such things?!! I did lots of things alone in childhood and adulthood cos I didn’t have much support from my family. When I booked for LASIK, I also got the nag of my life. I was given cold shoulder for a long time and was told I’m wasting $. I went for the surgery alone and came back in a taxi by myself. Just like there are nasty birth parents, there are nasty adoptive parents. Even though I’m still grateful for my adoptive parents for bringing me up, I suffered a lot during my childhood all the way to adulthood. I’ve moved out now and my r/s with her has improved. Normal children given my treatment would already have cut off ties with them. You don’t even know what we have experienced, so you have no right to comment. Even within the family, relatives judge me. One uncle told another, “This China girl is here to get inheritance” & my mum heard it and scolded him. But my mum would sometimes bring up what the uncle said against me. She would say “You see, so many ppl look down on you! So you must prove them wrong. “🙄🙄 I wish I wasn’t adopted. But most importantly, I wish I wasn’t born. I’m an anti-natalist largely because of this. Life is suffering and it’s unfair to impose a life of suffering and illness on another life. I will never give birth. Even if I wasn’t adopted, I wish I could make the sensible stand of anti-natalism, what with the environmental destruction going on.

[@onghing6966]

Look forward

[@tohweileng1412]

I feel you dewy, i felt the exact feeling that felt

[@yxlim8981]

Love you dewy!!❤

[@Sugar1192Says]

thanks dewy for sharing

[@idawiningsih8251]

Thank you for sharing, and I wish for your happiness dear❤

[@areyoud3ad105]

Aww I feel you man, I got adopted when I was very young and found out im adopted at 7 because of papers saying that ill be adopted for 10,000 pesos. I spend my childhood with my both biological parents with my siblings and my adoptive parents. It just hurts bc my biological mom didnt show me enough love and so distant to me when i was younger, because my twin died when I got birth so I always think that they might give me to my adoptive parents bc they cant stand seeing me. My relationship with my adoptive mother is love and hate so I dont really mind that much but sometimes, I needed and wanting to feel my biological mother's love even though she left my siblings to my father (This also cause me and my siblings hate towards her) I just wish her goodluck with her new family:)

[@douknodawae7805]

i relate to this so much

[@klioon8611]

I am adopted by another race than I am originally. I can't remember how I got to know that I am adopted but it is kind of spontaneously when people asked me. My parents explained well to me later on too.

[@kissininthemoonlight6337]

1 min into this vid’m finna cry omg

[@shamzambada]

solid episode ❤️

[@marytian902]

Always remember 养母比生母大。 though adoptive parents didnt give birth to you , they love you unconditionally ❤️. Thank you for sharing 💖 😊

[@ishane]

I love Dewy

[@vonnechow]

she knows what’s adoption at two ? 🤔

[@kaitlynsky8080]

Some kids can speak in full sentences at one... I could - it depends on upbringing and environment too

[@lynnsartncrafts]

Agree, I started speaking at one and a half too... they won't understand adoption but they understand what's yours and what's not yours.... hearing 不是你的 is enough to break a heart

[@dabianshyt]

Interesting episode, hope she manages feel more love from others. Would love to hear from someone that is from surrogated.

[@dianaahakim2001]

I personally wouldn’t tell them until later in life, like when they’re 16 or something. So that they have the maturity to understand

[@lynnsartncrafts]

I asked my parents for a brother from when I was in kindergarten all the way to pri sch..... I finally got him when I was 8, I was over the moon when I heard we would be adopting a sibling when I was 7.... so in the same way, my parents broke the news to him on his 8th birthday.... he did cry that night and asked why he wasn't wanted, but when we told him it's the opposite, it was because he was wanted, we became closer than ever and grew more patient and understanding towards each other Teenage years are probably the worst years to break the news as they're growing through puberty.... toddlers won't understand the concept well.... so I'd say anywhere from kindergarten to lower primary school is best (girls go through puberty earlier at upper primary)

[@Wuyh99]

2 year old know 1+1 alr super good alr, let alone the word adopted

[@Carolf1213]

Hugs. To be great in life.

[@ericlingggg]

That’s one brave and beautiful girl ! 😁💪🏻❤️‍🩹

[@slayer-dj3dc]

love u dewy

[@toixcchicken4019]

I feel like women's body check up is like quite important. But you know, coming from a traditional mindset family, it's hard to like ask about these question. What if I feel wrong but just dk who to ask, how to find out. This has make me feel less confident. so, really hope that yk there's a sharing of where to contact or what can we do

[@nurulhudaisabella972]

I feel u too dear!! At least you found out u were adopted when u were 2.. I found out i was adopted when i was 19!!! Same thoughts went thru my head.. Always negative... Yeaahh

[@zir200]

crying

[@hangezoe6725]

“your childhood will always haunt you no matter what” 😭

[@taeshand_elephant8257]

Quite surprised that she's able to rmber memories from 6 yrs old and she knew what the word adopted means. My earliest memory is from 6 years old, maybe slightly earlier but they're all very limited and vague

[@Fidacats]

I found out I'm adopted at 26 yrs old. It sucks.

[@lamivan9637]

i cant remember when im was 2 years old.. 🌪️😭

[@longhl]

A bit suspicious a child can remember what happened at 2 years old.

[@mono9196]

my mom passed away when i was 3 plus. she was ill for some time before she left us. but i can still remember several moments with her when she was still active and not ill. that could have been months or a year plus before she passed on. so i could actually have been around 2 plus during that time. so yeah some of us can remember when we are that young. for my case i can remember certain things with her so vividly even until now 34 years later

[@imbomi7845]

The intro hit like a ton of bricks because Im adooted too..

[@sammmmm1981]

Very cruel thing to tell a 2 year old.

[@alui5362]