Leaving the Cult of Happiness | Keely Herron | TEDxJacksonHole

Suffering is an unavoidable reality of being. Yet modern culture teaches us to deny our suffering and put on a happy face, leaving millions of people struggling alone in silence. Leaving the Cult of Happiness is about walking through the darkness of shame and suffering to the light of compassion, purpose and ultimately fulfillment. Keely is a strategist and writer, with nearly 20 years of experience in advertising and business. She's traveled the world in search of a meaningful life, eventually landing in Jackson Hole. She has a BA in Journalism from the University of Minnesota, and an MBA from ESADE in Barcelona, Spain. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@rainbowocean5075]

*hugs this entire comment section*

[@menosproblemos6993]

Karma can take a year to reflect. Hugs to you too, wonderful

[@tmpecho]

k

[@carl6909]

i did consent to you're hugging.

[@murahope]

thanks :)

[@shelaghmckenna2667]

Everyone should hear this talk, and get rid of the hypocrisy of hoping that victims of real atrocities will be 'cured' when they really mean 'silenced'.

[@sbaby1513]

Thankkyouuu

[@laurenajax2000]

Oop

[@MeetByTheRiver]

Exactly

[@AsIAm3991]

Thanks for this! Silenced is really what it is!

[@ladyj.9350]

she has such a soft, pleasant voice. lovely to listen to.

[@theonlyrealgina]

Beat me to it! By 7 months.......

[@sozi6451]

she sounds like selena gomez

[@annadewilde]

she sounds like Debby Ryan

[@halo12390]

Its annoyingly quiet that i had to use my earphones. Couldn't hear on speakers :/

[@-...sAdDaZe...-]

I loved it!

[@michelletaggart157]

I always hated when people employed the game of “Pain Olympics”. I love that she confronted this problem.

[@GMack333]

Michelle Taggart yea...competitive suffering.

[@skabarella]

I hated it from the bottom of my heart and yet I found myself in a completly similar situation when my coworkers were totally riled up about two boys who got mugged but safed. I stood there and was like that, I could not fathom why they would be so compassionate towards those victims, while they treat me like a complete lunatic with my ptsd ticks.

[@KafkasCat]

I started observing pain olympics consciously about a year ago-I observed most people participate in this behavior whether they realize or it not-it’s because of this want we have to not only be validated, but to convey their understanding. So two friends are talking. One states “I have this trauma from childhood” and the other replies “I hear you! I was molested by my parent”. It’s usually not because of a need to trump the other, but a way we relate to each other. Regardless of why, it doesn’t change the perception of this as “one upping” someone else’s pain. Now I try to refrain from replying with a “me too” declaration and just listen and acknowledge. If there is a similarity, I might eventually work it in after that person has said what needed to be said. I suppose this seems obvious to a lot of us, but it profoundly changed the way I listen and communicate in these scenarios.

[@Opeon1]

@@KafkasCat well thought out response, thanks

[@Glace1221]

Me: "My back hurts" Dad: "Yeah mine too." Me: "I feel sore in a weird way." Dad: "I feel like that every day."

[@bethroesch2156]

She's just told my life story. I've never seen anyone else like me until now. I'm 54 years old and STILL working through the wreckage. But I am still WORKING. I came to the realization that I'm not the only damaged human on the planet. Thankfully, the movie Lilo & Stitch taught me a phase that really helped me. "Broken but good". Sometimes our brokenness leads us to exactly where we need to be, to survive and heal and maybe help someone else. None of us are alone unless we choose to be. I personally like the word survivor, because I think surviving is pretty much a super hero move

[@muchsinaf1108]

Somebody is always listening, you can always speak

[@rubymimosa]

I love the word survivor too, I bear my physical scars of survival proudly. Just need to learn the non-physical ones should be honored too. Perhaps as a society we need to follow those who bear those scars proudly and share their stories. And the cult of compassion is a great place to aspire to be.

[@Barbbfly]

G_D Jesus bless you my dear . Shalom and thx for sharing and keeping on working ... good for you!!!

[@kittydream_4717]

Beth Roesch 💙

[@shelaghmckenna2667]

But using the word 'survivor' instead of 'victim' when you're still being victimized by other people's selfishness is catering to that selfishness, which is exactly the subject of this talk.

[@healthandfamily432]

Yes I can tell people get uncomfortable when I talk about my daughter who is now in Heaven 😇. Thank you so much this was awesome 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@tinahochstetler2189]

"They bared witness. They didn't tell me it was going to be okay. They listened." I'll tell you something I finally learned after my Mom passed away and once again, the happy cult that is my family began trying to make be be 'okay.' I learned it's okay to not be okay. Some things are heart breaking. Some things are frightening. Some things in my life, and in others lives, have been horribly abusive. These things change us. And we work through them in our own time and in our own way. And sometimes, it's okay to not be okay.

[@ReigningWomban]

Yes and yessss!

[@ivanasimic2072]

Amen to that

[@cefran667]

When you revealed your traumas I didn’t recoil, I cried. Sending you a big compassionate hug. You are an inspiration!

[@Anna-tj7mp]

Me too, hug to you my sister.

[@LOve-bq4gc]

Celeste Franssen Same🙏🏻

[@locsoluv94]

I've noticed a while ago how obsessed our culture is with happiness. And if we aren't constantly in a state of content and satisfaction, then there is something wrong. We are diagnosed with a disease and given pills and therapy. I'm not saying that mental illness isn't real (and if someone is hurting themselves or others, then there IS something wrong.) I'm saying, what if it was considered normal? Why is happiness the default and anything else is bad? We live in a culture that tells us What is acceptable. What the standard of beauty is. What it means to be a man or woman. What it means to be successful. So I'm willing to bet that this same culture tells us what feelings are acceptable, and if we deviate from what is acceptable, then we are wrong.

[@Barbara-oi3yi]

locsoluv94 that's why I love music. Makes all emotions welcome

[@shelby7188]

Damn that was poetic

[@eugenek1180]

Bingo!

[@bjarnestronstrup9122]

Mainstream media is the main culprit.

[@micanikko]

Well said.

[@ChocolateChipperoni]

When you hate it when people are always saying "It's going to be ok!, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel!

[@malovela]

I hate that, too, although it's an understandable response which often comes from a good place. The problem is that, while it works for some people who are suffering (which is wonderful), it doesn't work for me - quite the contrary. It doesn't work for everyone... unfortunately.

[@ivyrose779]

Yes!! Or, “everything happens for a reason.” It annoys me so much!

[@ornlyornn3403]

@@ivyrose779 i "hate" when people say "you are not alone" or "not the only person", that never helped me because knowing there are so much more people with similar problems seems even more depressing to me.

[@punkrockbebop]

The Cult of Happiness is really just another word for Denial. In my highly dysfunctional, abusive family, we were not allowed to say what was happening or acknowledge the truth because my father judged it as “being negative”. That is spiritual abuse. Very confusing and upside down way to grow up.

[@roxyb9211]

Deep

[@be83]

That sounds like my family! Are we related? 😆

[@travislund1329]

Growing up with Keely, we didn't connect. We went to the same high school and junior high together. She was nice enough, but there was something there that didn't make sense to me. Now I understand what was going on and my respect for her has grown infinitely. I don't know how my 15 year old self would have reacted to her life. My 46 year old self sees her with new eyes and a more complete understanding and new found respect.

[@PassionateFlower]

Who are you to cast judgement on her either good or bad? She doesn't need your "respect" to validate her life or her worth🙄. Your stamp of "approval" or disapproval, of her "making sense" to you or her "not making senses" to you, bares absolutely no weight on her authenticity or value then or now.

[@PassionateFlower]

You seem "nice enough" Travis, but there is something here in your "thought process" that seems unbearably patronizing and condescending to me. She has nothing to prove to you.

[@rajyashreesundaram4990]

Wow!!! This talk is underrated. This whole "positivity", "be positive", "blessed", "gratitude" is so iky! And shaming victims for not feeling the iky fake feelings victims of unacceptable trauma are all supposed...forced... to feel.

[@whalesong999]

It's so simple, culture makes it so complicated: Sorrow is not an illness. It changes and helps the soul blossom.

[@annsmith386]

I srsly hate this cult of happiness bc i can't show anyone when i'm not okay

[@NetiNeti-gm5bz]

Don't feel bad showing your real emotions makes you stronger 👍 you're helping the world heal

[@PCLHH]

That is how people commit suicide and then everyone else is so shocked, because this person was always so happy and cheery...

[@nickmagrick7702]

theres a trick to exposing yourself. Use euphemisms, find common ground thats comfortable enough for people to relate to. And use that as a starting off point to elude to things more serious, deeper. I know what your going through, seriously. And im still on a journey and struggle to figure out how to communicate the things no one likes to hear so that I can finally be free.

[@thinkingvertices8432]

@@nickmagrick7702 perhaps you only think that nobody would like to hear it. Or that nobody is good enough to hear it. I also have noone to whom I'm comfortable enough, so I write and speak to myself in the mirror.

[@babyyoucanridemybike]

I always felt i was too brave to hide how damaged i am.

[@kokopuppy57342]

This dovetails nicely with some of the disability talks. Everyone wants to see people with disabilities cured rather than offering what really helps, a listening ear and support

[@katrinaperry19]

PotsAndPups omg I was thinking the same exact thing while watching this video! I have POTS syndrome to the extent of needing a cane to help with stability and balance. When people see me they think, "oh she has some kind of leg or hip injury". It's after they've come over to ask what's wrong with me and I've told them, that their face changes and they become awkward or embarrassed and wish they had never asked in the first place. It gets even worse if I tell them that there's no cure and I'm most likely gonna have to live with the syndrome for the rest of my life. After telling them all that there is usually a period of scilence followed by lame exscuse as to why they have to leave or a a quick change of subject. Disability isn't something a lot of people like to about because it's most people's nightmare.

[@dotdotdot1985]

Ahhhh and the endless suggestions of what we should be doing to be 'cured' by random ppl we don't even know 😂.... "my sisters neighbours dog's vets wife had a disability. She ate turmeric and kale and was cured" "have you tried reiki?" "you need to let go of your past. You know bitterness causes genetic problems, right..." 😑 not to mention the "what happened to you?“ or worse," what's wrong with you?“ Ive taken to asking people for their medical history or making up stories about falling off mountains and being rescued by goats..... 😂😂

[@ElizabethJoyTV]

👏🏻💯

[@shakunkaushal9396]

She just explained what I have been feeling for years and couldn't quite explain.

[@maskedmildew5437]

I want to destroy the Cult of Happiness because I realize that...... when I'm around people I'm comfortable with and tell them I want to kill myself, I don't want them to awkwardly laugh and go back to whatever they were doing. I want them to tell me I'm going to get through it.

[@lopezcarmencecilia]

MaskedMildew I want to tell you that you will get through it, but in these cases it is better to get professional help. Nevertheless, at least you're not at the point where those words don't even help. So I think you will get better

[@zainabqutub1291]

You will get through it.💜

[@Licorce1239]

try asking first to get them ready, don't just dump such a heavy burden on someone out of nowhere

[@carlinkag2525]

T Dimi I don't agree with what you just said. Never ever tell someone that their thoughts of self harm is a burden to others! It's cruel and untrue. Whomever has thoughts such as those deserve all the help they can get and more, every life is precious and has value. And if asking for help or admitting you have a problem is a burden to the person you admitted it to, then that person needs to take a good long look at themselves to see where their mama messed up.

[@Licorce1239]

Yes they deserve the help I never said they didn't or that life isn't precious. Thats exactly what Im trying to say is if you tell someone and they react like that then that person isn't the right person to tell or they just don't care about you, which will hurt you even more. So instead of saying something like that out of nowhere, make sure the person will be receptive to you first or you will get hurt from the rejection. We can't pretend that it isn't a burden , once you tell someone that, you are bringing them into your problems and they will feel responsible if something happens. So make sure its the right person who you trust and who will actually WANT to help you and take on this responsibility because they truly care about you and your well being.

[@kaw8473]

I was emotionally abused by my mother and just recently became untangled from her. Looking to cheer me up, a family member told me she loved me the best she could. Sometimes silence is the best thing you can offer someone.

[@mandyharewood886]

Hurting people do tend to hurt people. My mother was also emotionally abusive, even physically at times. But she did and does love me, the best that she could. My mother was dealing with her own emotional issues.

[@amiraofhearts6523]

She is truly inspiring and relatable. She's so funny while also being candid.

[@rubymimosa]

Amira of Hearts And brave, I see her sharing of her unkindness in listening to that podcast as pretty dang brave.

[@millaarts4294]

When was she funny...

[@icecreamtruck2993]

I love how honest and not overly "happy" and "thankful" she is. Finally a talk that doesn't make me feel like I'm living in The Truman Show's world!

[@amyfrancis8941]

This hit me so very deeply, I have watched hundreds of these videos and this has resonated with me on a level I could not have foreseen.

[@marissakelly2083]

Amy Francis 0 %

[@cherryblossom4365]

Amy Francis at first I thought you said “foursome.”

[@Here0s0Johnny]

i'm glad to have found another person who's allergic to the word "survivor".

[@hathawyn]

Here0s0Johnny I hate hate hate how this word is used, especially when it's contrasted with "victim"... it's just yet another subtle form of victim blaming

[@suzitee8225]

Here0s0Johnny you’re most definitely not alone!!

[@malovela]

I'm one more.

[@elle706]

What do you want to be a called a victim

[@AsIAm3991]

I agree. There is a certain pressure that accompanies the word. Personally, I don’t care to be referred to as a victim OR a survivor. Human is the only label I bear.

[@ElinT13]

People just forget that almost EVERYBODY has a trauma. EVERYBODY! And everybody deserves to be heard and to receive compassion. And help if they want and need it. Because we all are real, we all have pains and happy moments. We are no heroes, no survivors, no victims, we are PEOPLE. All of us. Sending love and compassion to all.

[@brodude8579]

I usually dont save ted talks but I've had ptsd since I was a child and I keep rewatching this over and over because its so incredibly resonating and comforting

[@Barbbfly]

i acknowledge your PTSD for what its worth . good for you for sharing !!

[@brendasuepete1518]

bro dude there is som incredible helps on the internet to help you find context and calm for the future. Check out science videos on how in works. It’s helped me see my cptsd is not me and was a response that I can have more control over rather than feeling victim to it. It’s been a breath of fresh air. Hope it can for you as well.

[@ellawolf777]

Omg I feel you You guys are amazing

[@zenwarrior3603]

Masculine man here... she made me cry, and it is ok because men are emotional creatures too. Many men die young because they don't address their emotional needs and issues. This was a great talk. We are all broken and the only solution is to confront your issues head on and get to work on them. "The only way out is through". When it comes to learning how to live the line between male and female disappears because at the end of the day we are all human beings who are trying to get by and are much more alike than we are different. Be kind to one another and strive to be content because happiness is fleeting and like the wind.

[@ivyrose779]

I’m so happy to hear that men like you exist. What you received are characteristics of a real man. Continue doing what you do. ❤️

[@nanamiharuka3269]

What's great about this time we are living in is that, although these things are still stigmatized, a lot of people are being more expressive about their struggles, flaws, and mental health in general. A lot of creators on KZbin, Instagram, and even celebrities are being more open, and I hope more and more will be able to share their stories to show that all of us aren't alone in our struggles and traumas and that nobody's life is "perfect".

[@laurareis892]

Authenticity is hard to share. Experiences of not receiving empathy when being vulnerable, and only backlash instead, has been a set back for me. It's made me more bitter over the years. I understand how to give empathy towards others since I know what it's like to want it so badly in the past.

[@Rehlaris]

Why's this talk only have 30,000 views???? Ms. Herron is so damn charismatic and genuine! I love her humor. I love her style. That yellow jacket is baller. I love her philosophy. And I'm not sure I'll ever be able to imagine the bravery it takes to walk onto a stage and talk about things that have made others feel uncomfortable around yourself. My life's been pretty basic and boring. I haven't felt loss or weakness or trauma from my past. Imagining what kind of pain you have to trudge through to present yourself and summarize your life, or an idea in from of strangers is impossible for me. I always admire folks who can be so genuine. Agh my thoughts are all over the place here. My point is this was a damn good talk.

[@tenlittlepiggies634]

Rehlaris -- only a month later, it's up to 129

[@stilianifakidaraki3724]

Your thoughts are pretty much on point, I`d say.

[@yomilalgro]

You took the words right out of my 👄 mouth. I agree, she's fab. 💖💖💖

[@LGW27]

In 5 years, 637, 000 views.😃

[@exploringdimensions4all853]

Not being able to talk about serious personal pain is a big pet peeve of mine. It's already extremely hard and then getting socially ostracized for being "too negative" leads to an even greater pain: Isolation. Many of my days feel like an acting job. When I do bring it up, people recoil. That seems truly cruel to me. Why can't people just accept that truly awful experiences happen? Accidents, chronic illness, child abuse,? etc. They are real. Why ignore them? Out of cowardess? I did find solace for a time in nonprofit jobs that helped people suffering from disabilities and poverty. Thank God there are people out there who ask about pain, and work to alleviate it. I loved working with those people.

[@dallasmarie9325]

When she was talking about the different types of trauma I never heard it put that way and I really like that because when I tell people I self harmed they just kind of shrug it off.

[@thefbiagentbehindurscreen5390]

MaidOfCosplay same, i told my friend i had depression and her first reaction was, and this is literally what she said "No you don't " and i had to actually sens her a link on hidden depression to make her at least consider

[@b.sylphaen]

MaidOfCosplay That's horrible of them! You need better people in your life, my dear.

[@thinkingvertices8432]

I don't think it's really good to speak about depression all the time and to all people. It has a counter effect. Try going to a shrink first, really.

[@rainbowocean5075]

*hugs you guys*

[@brendasuepete1518]

Dallas Marie my sister self harmed and was told it is a way to punish self for something. Usually it’s not the persons fault rather it’s something that happened when younger and self thinks they are to blame. You are precious and one of a kind things can happen to us, but they don’t need to define us. We are current beings and have all the possibilities as anyone. We all wake up and have new possibilities. Perhaps let yourself know (out loud) how precious you were as a baby and child and that the value never diminishes on life’s journey. Each of us need to recognize that no matter how small or how old we are all precious and valuable. Things happen to us but they don’t get to define us. We get to CHOOSE who and what we are. Choose to shine your incredible value. There is only one you this planet will ever see. Search out why you were created and live fully in that.

[@itskenz6161]

I know this was posted a while ago but I'm just now seeing it. Her story is so inspiring and I just love her authenticity. I, myself, don't see myself as a survivor of my situation, but a fighter. I am officially joining the cult of compassion.

[@monicasawyer9015]

She just literally told my story... just different circumstance. How you feel is exactly how I act and feel everyday, I feel as if this is the first time I have ever actually related to anyone's story. Because when you have been through countless traumas you feel so alone emotionally. I'm 29 but I feel like I'm 60 mentally as if I have been through war... Thank you for sharing.

[@TheForman124]

What an amazing speech. She sums up - in only 14 minuts - what some psychologist spend years and years to figure out. And not only that. As a global community with so much poverty, horror and misery that we cannot turn a blind eye to, this talk offers tremendous insights with the notion and concept of the cult of compassion.

[@aging80sbaby]

She triggered me because for me the abuse wasn't the most traumatic thing that happened to me, it was everyone's reaction to it that still effects me...

[@redacted5078]

I love this womans humor she's so charismatic

[@hollycolotta9859]

One of the best most honest TED talks I've ever heard

[@lilgoldenbuddy]

This talk was really nice to watch. As someone who lives with a complex mental illness, I do try my best to ward off the misery with my positive coping mechanisms and tools from my therapy, but some days I am just upset/sad/angry/whatever. I know that not every person is going to want to hear me being upset or talking about the rough stuff I dealt with, but I can't constantly feign happiness either. Sometimes you're just going to be hurting and struggling and working on the bad stuff because it's okay to do that. Also, the part where she makes the little joke about the people being blessed in Italy and saying "Okay I'll just eat my Pringles." was hysterical. So relatable.

[@temptinggal]

"dark night of the soul" is one of the most beautiful senstences I've ever heard! Hope I'll see a cult of compassion someday. In darkness there is wisdom and love to all that is human

[@joannahaszcz]

mountainlion 'dark night of the soul' comes from the 16th C. saint and mystic John of the Cross; and indeed is a beautiful phrase, I see it as the trials and difficulties of life, but also with the hope that after darkness there will be light

[@sandyhowell164]

Thank you for sharing, you are awesome and beautifully empowering speaker!! I've been rejected and judged and still there- thank you I'm listening!!!!!❤

[@lydiab.2662]

We can be heroes, just for one day We can be heroes, for ever and ever♡

[@christinafidance340]

My fiancé died when our baby was only 8 months old and it was literally the most difficult thing I ever had to deal with and while of course I pulled through and lived to see another day (that was almost 9 years ago) I was simply astonished by how many people, my family and friends, simply chose to avoid me at the very time when I needed them the most- just because I guess it made them uncomfortable??? When all I truly needed was an ear to listen and just a simple, “that sucks”. Seriously. That’s it people. Don’t always feel like u have to say something profound to someone who is in pain- all they usually want is for someone just to listen and to acknowledge their feelings. That’s all.

[@randomramyeon4209]

I'm sorry to hear that.

[@kaarlimakela3413]

Resonates with me 100% ... For me I have come to speak of these things over the years ... perhaps artfully, part of any perfection I imagine. I feel that whether I am up or down, I kind of push people into understanding ... by refusing to be invisible, but also framing every word for the best possible effect for the most people who hear me. A perfectiony kink of mine. Including the uncomfortable, the dark ... If 'it' comes up I will say the truest most edifying thing from my POV and expect the people to deal with it ...I extend myself to educate Society as I go along ... because I can ... and it might make it easier for future 'misfits' and whatnot ... If anybody is growing, healing, doing therapy ... it helps them to be HEARD the most ... It takes courage to work certain things out ... respect the effort ... Everything said was spot on.

[@sovietmarshmallow1283]

That thumbnail was absolutely glorious

[@billydiaz7280]

Something that helped me, The etymology of the word victim means sacrifice. Like a part of your life(a traumatic part maybe) is sacrificed. Like a gift. Like something you are giving, a part of yourself gone in tribute to the universe

[@cindyhalpern3187]

She was real. I liked her for her bravery in sharing her story with us!

[@kristinebrosondergaard4691]

This one hit close to home, I'm dealing with mental illness. The thing you said at the is really something I've been thinking about, how people say things like "it's going to be fine" when you talk about your problems. To me it just sounds like they don't want to listen and don't really care, they just want me to shut up about it. I feel like they look down on me and my problems when they say "it's going to be fine". I just need to vent from time to time but it's not easy to find somebody who is willing to listen.

[@emmanuelweinman9673]

How to deal with trauma is an endless goal. My goal is to feel true happiness in as much of my life as possible.

[@skabarella]

Just one big thank you, I finally feel understood on a whole new level. Even psychotherapists and social workers and all the professionells never had a clue or showed any compassion to this problem of stigmatized (or marginalized) trauma and the cult of happiness. They even followed the cult of happiness (kognitive behavioral therapy has some strains that can be very very unhealthy), by diverging your from grief and despair as feeling those feelings will "only contribute to your depression".

[@lemonnomel9416]

I love this. It’s not human to be happy 100% of the time, we are going to have problems and we are going to need others to help us through it and there is nothing wrong with that. If we stop hiding from our problems and the problems of others we could vastly improve group quality of life

[@DemonDarakna]

You ... just told it how it is. You are inspiring! I've been fighting depression since I can remember. And ever since getting better (not being ziplocked in the bag with it), I'm doing just what you've been doing - laying it out there. Talking about what is happening, how hard it is, and what helped me. And what happened was truly amazing. Sure, people don't know HOW to react. Therefore they stay away. I was always the quiet girl who didn't want to talk and whenever she did, nobody wanted to talk to her. But now ... I have people coming up to me, talking about THEIR strugglings. Talking about THEIR forbidden poop. Sometimes even asking for advice. And they have someone that helps them in their fight. Sometimes I even write a blog about some parts of depression - speaking to the suffering, while explaining to those that don't understand it. I am now not surrounded by people to which I have to be quiet, or weird. I'm surrounded by people who go through crisis and are willing to fight it and talk about it and through it, inspire others to do the same.

[@AliceP.]

I'm pretty sure my father invented the cult of happiness. It really grows into you. You can't really leave it when you're so afraid of not delivering. You want to overcome things and then blame your mind daily 'cause it holds you back, but how can it not? You've kept it in such a tight grip...

[@stormhansen1499]

"Life is suffering and unrest." The Buddha Glad I never passed on "the gift of life". Great speech!

[@queenchocolate3549]

My mom verbally abuses me, yet I can't find the courage to call CPS. If I do then I'd have to live with my aunts, uncles, and cousins on my moms side which they all abuse their kids and do drugs. Or live with my deceased dads side which is basically gone, but the people left are either in prison, doing drugs, or mentally ill. Which leads me to two other choices. Stay with my mom or see if my big sister can take custody of me? If anyone can answer good. I feel like I'm drowning and everyone can see me, but no one wants to save me. Your choice matters. Especially in this case.

[@canovwrms2684]

If ur 16 yrs old..job Corp maybe option ..research exchange student applications... research & join as many programs offered in the community or school that limits time wth bullying parent..volunteer at animal shelter these little guys will surround u love or volunteer work that gives u time wth people who appreciate your help ...if the verbal abuse is bad enough don't suffer in silence.....Call. U may actually get help u need.

[@canovwrms2684]

Queen Chocolate

[@JuriAmari]

I think if you already have somebody in mind to live with and they want to help you too, you have every right to reach out and get help. You need to make sure you’re safe.

[@jackietheclown]

Queen Chocolate Maybe ask to live with nice people you know you aren’t related to, like a friend, but if it’s that bad, you should call CPS.

[@Itsamallard]

My life was like yours 100% An I put myself in to foster care when I was 15 never looked back. you are in control if you aren't happy somewhere tell them. tell them you want to look into living on your own after you get placed. they have hundreds of programs to get you prepared to live in your own finance classes how to budget saving money managing school and work. when you are ready for college they have programs that will pay for you to go. I know this is hard but you can do it without them you will always be able to do it without them.

[@sarahmacdonald5169]

This is a lovely talk, with a beautiful message. I loved the humorous and authentic delivery; it made the video so enjoyable to watch. Truly wonderful - thank you so much. You're so funny!!!

[@ellygreen244]

I relate to this on such an intense level. When I was 14 I was in an extremely physically abusive relationship where my best friend and I were practically helped hostage. I relate to this on an insane level.

[@macktheripper7454]

My father also took his own life, I know what she means 100% and it’s sort of refreshing but I feel like she could do some work herself to heal too. I found running and working out mixed with writing has kept me going. God bless all of you who are working through life and also this lady for speaking up about how she feels

[@ivyrose779]

I lost my step-father to suicide. It’s a strange club to be in.

[@boated915]

Wow. She’s such an amazing speaker.

[@donnag.3611]

Her talk deserved a standing ovation!

[@reprogram_myself]

agree! ppl are refusing to discuss suicides, news are not covering this cases at all!

[@NickKont]

That speech need to be seen by far more people then currently done

[@KyokushinKichiKai]

I have different burdens but I've trudged through life like you. Some issues have been dealt with others are still waiting. Bless you and thank you for sharing!

[@pjfetts893]

Thank you. I played the "perfect game" as well. Honesty brings health. Thank you for being so vulnerable as to speak about this.

[@polly4531]

Cult of compassion > cult of happiness More people need to see this video. It is really insightful and brings awareness that life is not colorful and there's no problem with that. Being understanding and empathic is what we should focus on. Just listen, that's enough. Happiness, just like sadness, is an extreme. It's impossible to be happy all the time. Preferably we would have to be in the middle, in peace with ourselves. :)

[@bichtramnguyen1508]

One of the best ted talks I have ever heard. Beautiful. Thanks for the healing❤️

[@EyalBarCochva]

Great talk. A strong, wise, good person. Also not so strong, not so wise, not so good.This makes a whole person. Listening to her, not her story (also that), but mainly to HER, you can learn a lot, and to truely get inspired if you need to overcome your issues. Keely, you are a true hero, plus you're smart and beautiful. On top of everything, I would add that you are so real, I could feel you as a real person, not only as a tedx talker, and it makes all the difference in the world.

[@tanyahouston5635]

I have walked around with tears streaming down my face. When I am upset enough to cry, I don't care if you see me or not. My tears, mine.

[@ifferbythesea]

Thank you for sharing your story. This is exactly how to begin the process of defeating stigma in our culture. Talking about it. Sharing the truth about what it is to have pain that many others feel uncomfortable talking about. Because what you say is so true - we are all broken. You are an inspiration to others who seek to transform the cult of happiness into a culture of compassion! I love that the word compassion comes from Latin, and literally means, "co-suffering." The world definitely needs more compassion and less superficial happiness. Thank you.

[@zachthinkshare]

Well put Jennifer!

[@hecate3062]

Wow... I was very quiet after thuis speach. The start of my problems were beïng bullied by a teacher, but since then i lost all of my selfrespect and i have a completely unrealistic self image. I m fighting this now, bit am sooooo buisy with the happy face that i have no energy left. This speach gave me a little bit more courrage to go on. Thanks a lot!

[@ivyrose779]

Hope you’re doing well ❤️

[@toriagiro9519]

Aside from how amazing she is… her voice is so soothing. It might just me, but I feel like she is whisper talking a lot of the time, where she’s speaking at a normal volume but it feels small and quiet. Anyway, I love it.

[@cathypico]

Thank you 💐

[@killjoyjr7403]

i clicked on this just cuz of the previews part how you move your arms made me smile and i got the game for so many reasons , i wish my best freind could watch this vid so maybe she still be here

[@wistfuloptimist1238]

I am sorry about the loss of your friend. Thanks for sharing, though.

[@ThePFC1898]

Thank you Keely and also thank you for teaching me how to share, then hopefully heal.

[@OfficialTrevorHirsch]

“Be quick to listen…” - LOVE ❤️

[@bobhunley8794]

I'm so proud of you. And remember you don't have to explain your journey. Only at your decision. Its been popular these days that people self impose their philosophy with shaming dogma. And it's the eeriest thing. Except for dating I with I never got into the internet. The Manifestation of the Green Meanies. I understand that when my brain was in a frenzy and I stopped and said " C'mon dark depression. And it lifted. Bob

[@phoenixb.c.2079]

I really relate to this. I've never heard anyone speak about that reaction that people have. Thanks for speaking up.

[@mattasticmattattack8546]

She just spoke for almost 15 minutes, i need more.

[@5zakuro]

it's interesting that she talks about feeling pressured to put on a 'perfect' facade on social media, because my experience with social media has been overwhelmingly that of a bunch of people complaining and talking about all the problems they face and awful things they feel - often in a humorous, self depricating or ironic manner, but never really faking happiness. i don't know if it's the age difference, the site (mostly tumblr for me) or what, but it's curious to see how different the experience is for her and me

[@natashaschmidt6668]

Martyna Sikończyk I think platform and age definitely have a lot to do with it. But so does who the people you follow and pages you follow.

[@jargaria]

I think tumblr is different from Instagram or Facebook because your name isn't really associated with it and people from your real physical life tend to not follow you there.

[@ameliedl7898]

Martyna Sikończyk how do you use tumbler ? I really don’t understand the functioning of this social media

[@chloro8306]

@@ameliedl7898 Tumblr is like a web of blogs. Unlike having a normal blog, Tumblr blogs are focused on connecting to other blogs moreso than making original content. This means you have a dash like other forms of social media where you see posts from the blogs you follow, and can repost them on your blog very easily. You can also make original content, it's just not as central to the platform as reposting or reposting with comments.

[@archilles5037]

I lost my dad to cancer when I was 9 and I had a deep depression between the ages of 12 and 14. I'm 17 now and I still struggle with it from time to time. I live in Sweden where the desire to be as "normal" as possible is so engraved into our society that we have extreme teenage mental illness that adults don't even try to fix because it will hurt the familys idea of normal. To me I always try to talk openly as possible about my past struggles because otherwise it won't ever be something normal. I've meet several people recoil because it makes them uncomfortable but I've also meet people that has been willing to talk about their similar struggles because I was the first one to open up. People need to realise that this won't go away.

[@anyoneiamhere3687]

Heal, heal! I share three of your miseries. If I count my PTSD and the schizophrenia in my family than it's four. Sending love, another hero.

[@harrybrooks8514]

Thank you. You’ve touched some sensitive points in my psyche.

[@mariakordas-fraser5674]

At first I was annoyed with her dismissing bullying as something normal. Bullying is never normal. It needs to end. But as I listened to more of her story, I am admiring her. Speaking up and telling the story, not holding the secret is what we need more of. Happiness is wonderful, but we don't all arrive there at the same time. Some of us have a longer road to travel but those get to teach the world the truth about the pain and abuse that has been hidden for centuries by a conforming culture. Thank you Keely Herron.

[@AngelQuiroz]

She’s my spirit animal

[@louiseerbslisbjerg7854]

As a complex post traumatic sufferer, I feel this so much. It's only traumatic if you recover and get "back" to who you were. Otherwise you'r considered weak and as if you "wallow" in it. I still have so much trauma to work to at 40 as I did when I was younger and did all I could to pretend and live a life as the "strong" survivor. Maybe even more from retraumatising myself in the attempt to be normal...

[@karihelling6398]

Well said, my friend! "Listen" indeed. I also recently heard a great talk and the woman's advice was to "never shut up." So keep telling and sharing. And listening. In equal parts.

[@Golden-Eagle781]

All you labeled are part of my story. Life can be painful and mostly unsharable. I get your pain because I have it too. The biggest hurts are the hardest to gain any empathy. More likely, especially in churches, it can and will be used against the victim--cross that word victim out and make it hero. After all, we still keep doing the good we can. We don't give up. God bless us heroes!

[@theupwardspiral1580]

that was really good. shes totally relatable like youre just talking to your best friend. and thats pretty cool!

[@nickmagrick7702]

she should maybe be a comedian. Shes not bad and shes not even trying. Imagine if she did

[@adiconstantin4598]

Such a good, meaningful, courageous speech! An actor, yes, or many other professions - in a word: a good present and future, as the past sadly remains. Really, happiness is too much a dream

[@Papachabre]

This is legitimately the best TED Talk (not just TEDx) I have ever listened to.

[@ivyrose779]

One phrase I use as a therapist which seems to be effective is, “wow that must’ve really sucked,” or something along those lines. It’s so simple and easy, but it let’s the person know that you’re listening and you care and usually it helps them continue talking about it.

[@Tnowion]

i love her. she reminds me of myself. i wish there were more like us and at the same time i don't wish this on anyone.

[@hollypattersonwriter]

This was really good, i can relate and we do need to stop shaming people for their past.

[@Firegen1]

Great talk! I wish culture would worry less about personal comfort in real talk conversations and more about how these issues arise. I was abused at a very young age. Staying open-hearted to others experiences helped me heal because I realised that child abuse is not rare in the slightest. It scared me to see how unreported it seems to be. Nothing is gained by hiding these truths away.

[@Luziemagick]

She i s right..you cannot undo trauma. Learning that it's not a competition is part of the way.

[@xtina1fan]

I love how she talks about stigmas. I don't understand how people just shoo it off and pretend it doesn't exist. I have never been able to do that, if you want growth you have to be open to receive answers and sometimes it doesn't come in a way thats positive. You have to go through darkness to see the light. yes it hurts but we need to have compassion for people and we need to open our eyes to better the world and evolve, learn, and grow

[@dee-deelove9310]

I had to save this talk for my daughter who’s trauma keeps popping up at unexpected times and feels the need to be perfect because she’s not ready to hear this yet….but I saved it so thank you 🙏

[@dianewilkins4418]

Thank you for sharing your experiences. You made me feel like I’m not alone anymore.

[@karlblume9419]

Truth. We are all broken. Coming to that understanding began the end to the sense of shame, of being less, or oddly made. It also changed how I received the 'confession' of others to their own burdens of trauma, of difference.

[@ShmirchikArt]

This lady drew me in, I couldnt exit the page, really sad and interesting and she is so strong and honest and funny. i like her voice

[@danbark4603]

this has been one of the best talks ive heard and one that has deeply moved something in me, thank you for this

[@yomilalgro]

Yes, my dear, you are a hero! 💖💪... that doesn't need a mask 🎭 TY for sharing your story. "Seek first to understand "