Redefining Connection: How to Communicate with PDA Children (Pathological Demand Avoidance)

🆓7 Days to Less Chaos Workshop: Discover A New Way To Parent Even The Most Challenging Kids 7daystolesschaos.com
Today we are diving into the heart of parenting neurodivergent children with a focus on Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). Our guest, Amy, shares her personal journey navigating the complexities of raising two neurodivergent children, shedding light on the often misunderstood topic of PDA. Discover how Amy transformed her approach to communication, moving beyond conventional parenting strategies that often led to frustration and disconnect. This episode offers a deep dive into the strategies that foster genuine connection, understanding, and empowerment for both parents and children facing similar challenges.
Key Takeaways:
Understanding Neurodivergence and PDA [00:02:00] - Amy introduces her family's journey with autism and ADHD, focusing on the unique challenges of PDA.
The Isolation of Parenting Neurodivergent Children [00:04:00] - Amy discusses the loneliness and chaos of trying to navigate parenting without a supportive community.
Shifting From Discipline to Connection [00:05:00] - A look at how changing from traditional disciplinary methods to focusing on connection can drastically improve family dynamics.
Creating Safety Through Connection [00:09:00] - The importance of connecting through a safe nervous system and the impact of non-verbal communication.
Strategies for Communicating with PDA Children [00:11:00] - Amy shares specific examples of how altering communication strategies has helped reduce conflicts.
The Transformation Journey [00:16:00] - Insight into the significant shifts in Amy's family, highlighting the decrease in meltdown severity and improved understanding.
Empowerment Through Planning and Reflection [00:20:00] - The pivotal role of creating personalized plans and reflecting on daily interactions for continued progress.
Additional Resources:
Calm the Chaos Framework: calmthechaosbook.com
Understanding PDA in Neurodivergent Children: PDA Society: pdasociety.org.uk
Low Demand Parenting by Amanda Diekman
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Remember, you're not alone in your parenting journey. Together, we can find the strength, resources, and community to navigate the complexities of raising neurodivergent children with compassion and understanding.
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[@VinayaPai1]

Loved this episode! I am so impressed with Any and I wish I could pick her brain for more ideas. I too feel like I can't make headway with my child and he definitely senses the struggle which seems to make him dig his heels in more. I would love to learn more about connecting with a difficult to connect with kid (connecting the way the kid wants... Is a new concept to me that being by your child's side, trying to play, have conversations etc isn't enough) . A new frontier in parenting! Thank you Dayna!

[@bethanytherrell3969]

This all sounds great… my problem is that I have adhd and autism and I’m also PDA … so I have difficulty regulating my own emotions. All of my older 3 girls have adhd (ages 13, 10, 8) Also I need to be more “present” with my kids one on one more often. There’s lots of yelling in our home and there’s lots of arguing and sibling A trying to get the other sibling (B) to stop doing something because “they’re annoying me” (sibling A)

[@hopefortruth29]

Same here I'm adhd pda (suspect asd) trying to parent a adhd pda very strong willed child. I know it's me that has to change and even though I know this I still can't regulate myself in the moment. Gonna keep trying though.

[@CINDXMINDX]

This mom knows! 10/10

[@yourthecrazyone9022]

If I could come out of hiding and fall into a circle of feeling seen. Here I am. No official diagnosis here for my kiddo. I guess it goes way deeper than that. For us all. I will be looking into scripts because sometimes it just turns into a question or a demand in disguise. I wish I could make everyone around me, that I tell about PDA, just have an ahaha moment. Since I've tried lowering demands there has been such a clear path to my child. Thank you for your words. Thank you for seeing us in hiding. And most of all thanks for doing a podcast !

[@CINDXMINDX]

Thank you for sharing! Pda family here ❤ low demand, custom positive discipline

[@BiscoffツEditz]

I had never heard of PDA until my cousin had mentioned it today. I feel so guilty. I hope I can help her a little more with your channel 🙏

[@haylimakana1839]

As a adult, when I stay with my family, have roommates and or partner, I can teach them how to treat me. Teach others about how to communicate wants and needs from those of us with pda.

[@haylimakana1839]

I’ll be doing dishes because I chose too. Than someone who thinks I’m just rising out my cup, will ask for me to do the rest of the dishes. Because a person will not fully know I chose this for myself. Because it now feels like their idea instead of mine. Because now it feel like I’m in a state of slavery. I back away from finishing the dishes.

[@strangertobluewater]

Do you think this could have been caused in some way from overbearing parenting that made you resent taking direction because you felt controlled or minimized in your efforts? Or powerless in the sense that you could not be trusted to complete tasks without being specifically directed to do so? Or like you hated the people making the demands so you reflexively could not trust that the demand would serve your best interest?

[@haylimakana1839]

It’s non of which you suggested. I do know that when I’m feeling overwhelmed in life, the PDA is more sensitive. And more so when person is coming from Trauma and projecting onto me when I’m also feeling anxious or emotionally unbalanced. Because in those times, I’m very focused on getting a,b,c,d projects done. And when someone throws a extra want or how to do something when I didn’t ask for it, i retract and or freak out, and I’d rather retract and hope I regain balance and strength to continue my project and or goals for the day.

[@derekf9017]

Try having autistic PDA narcissist spouse and 2 small pdaers lol