Parenting a Young Person with PDA

[@margohannon5956]

This video really resonated with me for my little one with ASD. Heard of PDA yesterday. Thank you so so much!!

[@cierraallen9288]

Unfortunately they do not recognize PDA in the U.S. I told the man who did our Autism testing just because it is not recognized does not mean it is not here!

[@normasouza1086]

It’s now starting to be recognized.

[@karaleighgarrison]

My son was diagnosed with PDA in Utah a couple years ago. It’s coming, thankfully!

[@DanJHugs]

It’s still not fully recognised or understood here in the UK either.

[@missdempster26]

I found this video so informative! Thankyou so much for creating this

[@gailhandley4974]

My 13 year old daughter will not get a wash or wash or hair or brush her teeth , I’m at my wits end and don’t know what to do 😭 xx

[@gobbled123]

One thing that helped us is doing numbered tasks. Like a check list which they can do on their own. It gives them a chance to take control and as long as they do all of them it is OK how they do it.

[@MelissaThompson432]

Ask her why. She may be overwhelmed. She may be trying to distance herself from other people. She may resent being supervised (this is a real thing, it's not misbehavior.) I reached an age, and I'm pretty sure it was younger than 13, where I told my mother she treated me like a child and she shouldn't because I could handle things on my own, and to my excellent good fortune, I was blessed with a mother who said, "ok, do it then" and stopped checking up on me. I'm sure I didn't brush my teeth as often as she preferred, but they didn't fall out; I didn't even have cavities. If your child is a PDA'er, they want to be agreeable and will work very hard at it if they're treated like very young, inexperienced adults with self-agency, depending on their limits. They also want to determine what their limits are, so you may have to claim supervisory veto power. If doing a task becomes an obligation rather than a fact of life, it causes a sort of motivation paralysis. We want to do the thing; we just...can't. It's not physical paralysis, but it is paralysis of a very real kind. So, to go back to what I said at the start, ask her. Ask her for her perspective and be interested in whatever she has to say. If it doesn't make sense, keep trying. One other thing that may be a factor: PDA'ers are very high masking, and I recently learned that this may cause them to internalize meltdowns because they feel they don't have a safe place to lose control. In my case, the reason for this would have been that I hate upsetting anyone. I have a history of shutdowns, but every once in awhile flying off the handle can be cathartic. If your child is squeezing back meltdowns, acting out against her body may be a response to that. She may not stop having meltdowns entirely, that's not the point. The point is, whether she's squelching them when she feels the need for them during the times in between. That builds up after awhile and it has to go somewhere.

[@lanni8224]

I’m right there with u ! Have you heard of at peace parents. It helped me look at it from a different perspective. Nervous system disability. , first just stop asking ( low demand parenting I still offer chewing gum , toothpaste past shopping/ toothbrush shopping to switch them up . But just stop asking and “ say I know you can’t right now. After 6 months my daughter started on her own , until I said “ good job” .. big mistake ! At peace parenting u gives me ideas to see if something’s works better then other .

[@oknahh]

It can help to make it fun,more like a game instead of a command. Having her pick the time can also help

[@ahavatrivedi4629]

Thank you so much!! ❤

[@paulmead5434]

Well done indeed Nicola xxx

[@Model_mayhem_mother]

What happens when your a PDA auDHD mum with 3 PDA auDHD kids..this Circus 🎪 ringmaster left town the 🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒 opened the cages and now we have problems and the ringmaster is there out back 🚬 and ducking about with the trapeze artist!

[@sharonmorris1299]

Major problem with this video, many people with PDA enjoy novelty and hate being prepped beforehand.

[@SDesi706]

I think her point was to prep them when they are calm and there are no demands on them to perform an action straight away.

[@dawnroot4293]

very true...depends on the person and situation I think...with my boy its hit or miss depending on the situation...the more i prep him sometimes it makes his anxiety waaaay worse...but other times if i dont...i get the same reaction :/ :)

[@hildegallemaert5132]

Yes, this is just ass

[@theautisticpage]

As we have ADHD that can be true. As we are autistic we may also want Tom's of pre planning. I have done and seen others do both.

[@dawnroot4293]

WOW...i was right....my soooo has PDA. Im in Canada and I have mentioned it to his doctors and teachers and they looked at me like im crazy :( Im a single mom with no real support and he's 14 with 6 different diagnoses with autism being on. Do you ever come to Canada?! #pleasehelp

[@MelissaThompson432]

If you show them the video will they pay attention and take you seriously? I'm fortunate enough to have found a primary that accepts my self-diagnosis. On the other hand, there are no adult ASD resources within several hours' drive of me. 😕🤷

[@chelseamaymaguire4975]

I related to so so much of this. So informative. The sorry thing blew my mind.. i find the same thing with my little boy.