Let's Read Boatmurdered: Episode 1, Introduction and Year 1

[@maxscott3349]

That's got to be the most nonsensical phrase I've ever heard: "quick introduction to Dwarf Fortress".

[@SommerSen]

You know a DF LP is going to be madness when the players are so insane as to try and introduce THIS game

[@mikeFolco]

I remember watching something like 15 hours of video tutorials when I got into the game.

[@jade_capricorn]

Boatmurdered has been immortalized as a song called Koganusan in the soundtrack of the Steam release. In it the name Koganusan is sung multiple times.

[@arcticbanana66]

A few years ago in the gamer's club in college, our regular DM had to leave for a week so each of us players took turns DMing one-shot games. One of them decided his session would be an all-dwarf game, leading a trade caravan to a new outpost that had been settled a few years prior. It was basically "Dwarf Oregon Trail", the wagon train being ambushed by predators and angry natives, crossing dangerous rivers, suffering from diseases/dysentery/superdiarrhea, and general discomfort about being under the sky for weeks instead of underground like a sane dwarf. When we finally got within sight of our destination, our DM narrated, "As you approach down the last few hundred feet of road, you see a short distance away a number of rampaging elephants, dwarves hauling corpses away en masse, blood and vomit everywhere, and what appears to be the leader of the settlement just outside the front entrance. He looks at you with eyes filled with a strange mix of madness and done-with-this-shit, and greets you, 'Welcome to fucking Boatmurdered!'" And that's where we all just lost it.

[@gallantblues5328]

So it was basically a quality several hour lead up to a reference? That's epic

[@anexplosion5436]

Well, did the party like the Miasma?

[@NBH-xh3nq]

@@anexplosion5436 I hope so

[@drpp1052]

The moment you said "superdiarrhea" I instantly went and bought the game.

[@flamingdog9207]

I love that Boatmurdered is so legendary, so iconic, so famous(or perhaps infamous would be the right word), that you could say it's effectively become a part of Dwarf Fortress lore. Hell, whenever I think of Dwarf Fortress, Boatmurdered is the first thing that comes to mind.

[@surrealhumor1235]

indeed. heck, the steam release soundtrack has a track chanting Koganusan honoring boatmurdered

[@athis8329]

I remember YEARS ago I wished someone would do this. Now that I've finally come back I'm glad to see someone did. Only missed it by two years haha.

[@DrProfessorRobot]

+Athis Well you got to see it eventually. That's better than most things we want in life, eh?

[@FuzedBox]

When you wrote that, you were already THIRTEEN years late; Boatmurdered took place in 2006.

[@FuzedBox]

@Freddy Manchild It was vaguely worded, numbnuts. I interpreted the first sentence to mean "group let's play of Dwarf Fortress"; there was no mention of Boatmurdered nor was there implied knowledge of it. I finished school fifteen years ago; keep your projection to yourself.

[@FuzedBox]

​@Freddy Manchild You're awfully angry about this. Grow up.

[@SommerSen]

@Freddy Manchild Told you "grow up" after responding seriously to a meme as if you actually made a projection on his life

[@SommerSen]

I imagine a cinematic style trailer *Dynamite exploded, breaking the camera and killing the cameraman* *StarkRavingMad grabs the camera* StarkRavingMad: WELCOME TO F*BLEEP*ING BOATMURDERED!! HOPE YOU LIKE MIASMA

[@wowliker642]

That would be perfect for a movie trailer, just imagine the fucking crazy ass dwarf named StarkRavingMad saying that into the camera as he holds it up.

[@shyspacewolf4675]

could probably be sankis killing the camera holder gibbering madly while catching fire or something

[@JefferyEpsteinOfficial]

Sounds cringey

[@lordfelidae4505]

@@JefferyEpsteinOfficial no u

[@Arcanua]

Needs more elephants. ;3

[@WarDaft]

When listening to this, you must have dwarf fortress open to have that majestic guitar refrain in the background.

[@EnDSchultz1]

Or some Simon Swerwer.

[@SommerSen]

The best OST with just one song (I know the intro and main menu have their own themes, but yeah)

[@Loverapten]

Anyone else still listening to this series? I often use this playlist for sleep! My fav bedtime story.

[@jameshunt9208]

Same. I actually did today. Was really ill today, and I listened to this while truing to get to sleep. It worked. 😅Didn't see your comment until I switched to "newest".

[@SomeKindaSpy]

If you ever play Dwarf Fortress, you MUST make the pilgrimage to read or listen to Boatmurdered.

[@CertifiedFreshMemes]

Re-listening this gem while playing the Steam release

[@DeisFortuna]

WELCOME TO FUCKING BOATMURDERED! HOPE YOU LIKE MIASMA!

[@DeisFortuna]

***** When were there boats?

[@DeisFortuna]

***** I know. I've read the whole thing, dipshit.

[@kingkong381]

I don't know why but the first time I read that I imagined it being bellowed by an incredibly angry Norwegian. XD

[@BirdieRumia]

0:23 with captions: "epic pork importers" ...sounds about right. The most of the meat the dwarves raise themselves is cat, after all.

[@deadjuice1880]

This. This is what got me into DF. I still need a tile pack to understand things, I'm still such a noob. But fuck is this "game" awesome.

[@Majyenta]

DF was just release on Steam with graphics!!! (Though you probably already know this) That’s ultimately what led me here

[@deadjuice1880]

@@Majyenta I got it already, loving it. So happy they did it up.

[@Zeon081]

someone needs to animate Boatmurdered epc story of Elephants, Miasma and Cheese Engraving!

[@gallantblues5328]

So glad you put this up! I'm a Rimworld fan and Boatmurdered is still referenced sometimes, but I've never been able to get through a reading....also it's been like 5 years so at this point thanks for not taking the vid down.

[@notsusan]

the golden age of the LP forum was magical, and this is definitely one of the highlights.

[@snickle1980]

Legendary forum...I miss the comedy gold page and the mod challenged. 🥲

[@SaltpeterTaffy]

13:37 Things like this always give me the urge to play DF again.

[@mr2octavio]

The dog giving birth to get some reinforcements lol

[@Ajehy]

This started me playing DF a few years ago. I couldn’t really get into it, the interface threw me off and I got constantly slaughtered by werehamsters. Hearing about other people’s nightmares is more FUN for me.

[@glassramen]

Yep, all these years later and I still come back to this specific reading. Time for the ritual listening of Boatmurdered.

[@JR111192]

I'd love to watch more of this. You've got an excellent narration voice, if I wasn't so interested in what you were saying I could have fallen asleep. Subscribing.

[@DrProfessorRobot]

Hooray, someone listened to me talking and almost fell asleep! ...wait... Seriously though, thank you :)

[@jayofthe400]

drageuth I am really liking this as well! Please keep going!

[@shayneoneill1506]

Ahaha fuck, I forgot about the dog that gave birth during an attack on the mandrils only to have the puppies join in the fight. God this thing is so good.

[@Gerugon]

"The Dwarfs you (pause) control." +grins+

[@snickle1980]

I'm here from Day9's steam edition playthrough of DF. Just thought i'd mention that...

[@ASquishyBean0126]

Is it sad that I enjoy listening to this while trying to relax or work? Cuase this is that fucking awesome. I would love to hear more from you. ^ ^

[@MEMAndersen]

Really loving this! I never quite got into reading boatmurdered because i'm too lazy, this is perfect for me!

[@Laevateinn102]

Back here after listening to Jabroni Mike and Fredrick Knudsen read Boatmurdered. It was okay but I personally think you did a better job.

[@Dewey_the_25U]

This needs to be archived it's some good stuff!

[@LuizAlexPhoenix]

Oh... I remember this fondly, specially StarkRavingMad.

[@dickspider8393]

"Got some traps the lads love staring at them" Are you thinking what i am thinking?

[@DrProfessorRobot]

It's an entirely heterosexual activity, for sure.

[@dickspider8393]

@@DrProfessorRobot This is coming form an irl trap, i have heard of an exploit not patched yet, its not gay if you say no homo after it.

[@DrProfessorRobot]

*nod nod* It's even easier to be sure if the balls never touch, or so I'm told. I've never really had to worry about it, since I just cheat around the issue by being bi in the first place.

[@dickspider8393]

@@DrProfessorRobot You madlad you found away to tame traps with out getting the questioning of sexuality debuff . Btw are you on the DF discord?

[@DrProfessorRobot]

Honestly, I'm surprised more people don't go with my build, it's pretty OP. I have discord but I more or less only use it as a skype substitute, rather than getting into the hangout things. I'm never really sure what to do with myself when the chats seem to just be a neverending stream of several concurrent conversations, yaknow?

[@BoatSniper49]

Wish I could go back to when this was uploaded.

[@bookmoth-d1q]

Absolutely love your reading of this

[@wesleythomas7125]

"You start with seven dwarves and scarce few supplies at the face of a mountain. Your only objective is to survive the elements until you inevitably die. Have fun!" D"8

[@christopherwall2121]

LOSING is FUN!

[@comradestylin]

Coming back to kill time before the paid release. I'm so excited.

[@melelconquistador]

It's poetic, I'm sure she passed on glad that even though it was in vain her comrades came to rescue.

[@TheUnknownLegend1234]

Saw your post on the Forums. Great job brother!

[@DrProfessorRobot]

Thank you! I hope this little piece of craftsdwarfship serves you well :)

[@Manikinator]

+drageuth Same here. This is epic, thanks!

[@roughrambo1000000]

I quite like this reading of Boatmurded. No stupid jokes inserted, no stupid sound alerts from a Twitch sub, just a dude telling you the story

[@SimonSwerwer]

Great idea! Could you mirror an audio-only version as well sometime? Perhaps even in (raise pinky to mouth corner) m4b format? I'd love to listen to this and other DF stories while going to work.

[@skivvy3565]

Ahh ty for this. I needed this

[@tehevilmouse]

Would you ever consider attempting to read and decipher the madness that is Drunk Fortress?

[@skidmark2704]

We will never forget

[@TheFunky333]

I guess one of the wardogs was considered a respawn point. :D

[@NetracFreeman]

Awesome work. Keep it going

[@xtrems2]

Coming here after the release of 0.47, it's almost funny how outdated boatmurdered is.

[@rottenpoet6675]

you know I would love to see some DF youtubers/streamers band together to make a story like this(or anyone)

[@flamingdog9207]

Boatmurdered II: Electric Boogaloo when

[@FumiTheSillyGirl]

Any examples of how it is outdated?

[@xtrems2]

@@FumiTheSillyGirl Just the fact that it's from when the game only had one z level is enough of an example. Elephants being hyper aggressive is another one. There have been way too many changes to count.

[@oddcrafter1270]

I like it already!

[@Bluecho4]

_This_ brings back memories. Been a while since I read fuckin' Boatmurdered.

[@willsith9762]

Now's a good as time as any to get into the fandom ig...

[@ghysling]

Crazy that this kid grew up to be Christ Wade.

[@drafkey1]

Once you are done with these, could you move on to other Dwarf Fortress reads or even non-related ones?

[@DrProfessorRobot]

That's a ways down the road, but I'm open to any suggestions

[@drafkey1]

drageuth Sounds great, it's just that I can see myself enjoying your work.

[@DrProfessorRobot]

Edgar B. Thanks, glad to have you listening :)

[@azhf258]

drageuth I'd love you to do Headshoots. It's my favorite personally, and your voice is great. Boatmurdered was pretty good, but Headshoots is what reaalllly sucked me into dwarf fortress, now one of my favorite games.

[@DrProfessorRobot]

azhf258 Well, right now Headshoots is the most likely thing I'm gonna start on after Boatmurdered is done, so you're in luck! Thanks for listening!

[@jameshunt9208]

Anyone still here in 2024?!

[@Stoneforge1501]

Hell yes! 👍

[@TaelluricInterlude]

Oh, cool! Now I can listen to this while playing!

[@TaelluricInterlude]

Just finished listening to it. Those poor, poor souls.. Such innocence when they first struck the earth.

[@IndustrialBonecraft]

My only complaint is that I'll have to wait for the next episode.

[@kanrup5199]

I find this soothing

[@TheHalz]

I fancy this game's concept but never got into it out of lacking the time it requires to learn how it works. Any suggestions/"starter pack" you'd recommend for the newbies?

[@alexanderstanczyk9978]

+Alberto Linares google for LazyNewbPack and check the dwarffortresswiki quickstarter guide and video tutorials made by captnduck here on YT

[@elguapo1690]

Five years late, but yeah, it's called Rimworld. DF is... A challenge to enjoy

[@pbovymligsvim4182]

When i first heard of df as i seen the fey moods . i imagined starkreavrnmad

[@MegaNormanne]

I want another boatmurdered x_x

[@DrProfessorRobot]

Have you listened to Headshoots yet? kzbin.info/www/bejne/mmO4h3mDlpmFd7M

[@MegaNormanne]

Dr. Professor Robot of course I have and we demand another one 😘 I am rewatching the episodes right now😁

[@Parelf]

KZbin randomly recommended this to me. I'm downloading Dwarf Fortress as we speak! (I know its hard, but I'm a smart bird.)

[@amberblyledge7859]

I know a few of the leader's names. Huh.

[@JoseCastillo-us6ou]

This is good stuff!

[@j03man44]

This sounds like the guy who read unsong.

[@Toxic9813]

Keep it up dude!

[@franklinblankenship8991]

is this exposition based on the let's play or is this the games actual generated text?

[@DrProfessorRobot]

A bit of both, probably. DF has a 'legends' mode that generates a history for every civilization in the world. *Most* of that history is just kind of like 'And in year X of the Age of Giant Tree Sloths, the hero Urist McHammerPhallus slayed the Forgotten Beast MucusMembrane the Ring of Laughter.' But it also does things like listing major wars and the battles that were their turning points, the deeds and adventures of the leaders of all nations, things like that. Sometimes you can get pretty epic stories: dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/Cacame_Awemedinade So essentially, exposition on DF history is usually a mix of legend mode stuff, and the writer's own skill at weaving it into something actually listenable.

[@franklinblankenship8991]

Dr. Professor Robot thanks for the reply...I watched through to episode 9....will finish up today...a very interesting game, but something I'd rather read others' stories that play my own....nice reading btw....its something I'm thinking of getting into professionally.....any tips?

[@DrProfessorRobot]

I'm hardly a professional, so I wish you the best of luck. Only real advice I can give is to just relax, speak naturally, and get into it and have fun when you find something you enjoy.

[@therealmodernwalking9695]

I readed the preview as: L E L

[@JefferyEpsteinOfficial]

That accent he made and the way he said "lads".....

[@DarkVeghetta]

It's been a while since I watched DF content - years, perhaps. I've also never managed to get past the first turn in DF due to the abysmal control scheme and, at the time, the ASCII graphics. Yet, even I _faintly_ remember the fabled name *Boatmurdered.* That can't be good. Likely hilarious, but never good.

[@Vanux867]

What version are they running?

[@Parker8752]

Actually, this was originally a succession game played back in 2006, over on Something Awful. It would have been whatever the latest version was back in November 2006...

[@wesleythomas7125]

"Epic" means "bloody long"

[@kharnifex]

so many dead goon dwarves

[@legofanguyvid]

17 elves disliked that

[@tsunamio7750]

lovw it, I sub

[@thehomicidalcupcake3171]

So, how much of this is real and how much is story?

[@Isvoor]

Some of the talk about the background of the expedition is just for flavour by the writer. But pretty much every event that is narrated and shown in screenshots is something that happens in the game, even if it isn't described in the game as colourfully as the narrator tells about it.

[@EnderCrypt]

subscribed, for more :P

[@BalgaBear]

Truly the inspiration for Sims I'm sure. But sadly, Sims was far from interesting.

[@TyuErt]

Dude, the sims is older. By at least two years.

[@fatrick9001]

don't know why you bothered explaining what all the shitty symbol graphics mean, people either know already because they play the game or just want to hear a story. It looks like inexcusable shit, not something I would want to bother to learn to interpret.