Matt Berry and Peter Capaldi read a FIERY letter exchange

Possibly one of our favourite letter exchanges ever, and at London's Freemasons' Hall back in 2016 Matt Berry and Peter Capaldi joined us to give an incredible, hilarious reading.
In 1675, the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire instructed his army to attack a fortress belonging to the Zaporozhian Cossacks. They were quickly and heavily defeated. Rather than surrender, the Sultan then wrote to the Cossacks and demanded that they submit to him. This fiery exchange was the result.

[@DonnaLang42rockglobally]

Who else wants to see Peter Capaldi make an appearance on "What We Do In The Shadows"? The world needs more scenes featuring Matt Berry and Peter Capaldi.

[@BlueManIan]

ME

[@RapsCalorie]

Wait Matt Barry is on that show? That might be enough to make me check it out.

[@glman99]

​@@RapsCalorie oh yeah, it's lit.

[@miahawksley1765]

If Dracula ever appears in the show, Peter Capaldi could play him!

[@yurmomsaccount]

MEEEEEE!

[@montgoja]

In case you ever thought the comversations in Monty Python and the Holy Grail were too silly to be realistic...

[@jukeboxfandango]

the original text has be altered repeatedly over time and this is using the best parts of all of the different publications. history is rarely that funny

[@ezananigussie3311]

@@jukeboxfandangothe situation itself is funny

[@pemo2676]

@@jukeboxfandango history is just people. it's as funny as it is now, just in different situations with different language - it's as gruesome and as full of vitriol and sinew as it always has been. a lot of shakespeare isn't dissimilar to this, realistically, just less modern-translated

[@jonathannathan7299]

Well these letters are made up, so

[@jackwilliamtaylor5656]

Fun fact; my fiancée’s grandparents once had the Pythons filming something on their farm. His granny did not realise her husband had allowed this, and chased John Cleese and Michael Palin off their back step with a newspaper while they were eating sandwiches.

[@BBBness]

I love how Capaldi is showing amused contempt before he even starts reading and Berry is just standing there like "I don't remember seeing half of that in the script".

[@Goblinkatie]

Berry was 100% perfect with his shocked disbelief at what he was hearing. Neither undersold nor overplayed. And of course Peter was absolutely brilliant in his conveyance of the contempt and sarcasm just oozing with every word.

[@shadowreaper2011]

TBF Capaldi looks absolutely high out of his mind at 0:19

[@austenpowers]

Art that

[@Zadir1984]

This is high art, I just love this

[@WenderPottery]

Im so glad i found this lmfaooo im in tears ​@@shadowreaper2011

[@SteveOnotsky]

"You can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse" is my new favourite insult.

[@warlockofwordschannel7901]

😂😂😂😂

[@erinrising2799]

right? like I really want the occasion to arise when I might use it

[@Garanon5]

What does that even mean?!

[@SteveOnotsky]

@@Garanon5 I have no idea but it's damned funny.

[@1970Phoenix]

I would think that slaying any medium sized mammal with one's naked arse would present a significant challenge.

[@PaidInBoredom]

This just proves there needs to be a buddy comedy with Matt Berry and Peter Capaldi.

[@r.f.switch5847]

I'd be comfortable with them just reading letters like this to each other.

[@heehaw-i6u]

@@r.f.switch5847 Oh there's nothing quite like a Scotsman and and Englishman hurling insults to each other, is there!! x

[@wbertie2604]

Some sort of version of three men in a boat, with Michael Sheen as well, please.

[@Briansgate]

Dear God, please make this happen.

[@ivonahora]

And the very last line should be "you and I were... buddies, weren't we?"

[@raskolnikov2112]

Matt Berry had a letter only he could read with such magnitude and seriousness. Matt Berry could converse with “gods.” Capaldi was also perfect for the more vulgar. They were perfect.

[@frglee]

A Scots accent can be a magnificent thing - both for cursing and shouting, as well as for speaking eloquently and with gentility.

[@Noahloveless1]

Funny considering I only know Matt as vulgar. As my only exposure to him is in The IT Crowd.

[@RickReasonnz]

Truly brought back Malcolm Tucker for this reading!

[@kensimmons]

The best thing is that Capaldi gets to let his natural Scots accent rip instead of having to tone it down to get acting jobs from the Sassenach entertainment industry

[@jarowan]

FAAAAATHERRRRR!!!!!!!!

[@plantpowered269]

Well, as being from Zaporizzhya, this letter is a part of the school curriculum with some swearing removed. But it is a special treat to hear it being read by The Doctor ))❤

[@orionterron99]

SOME swearing removed?

[@rkah6187]

​@@orionterron99Well, you cannot remove all of it, can you? There would be nothing left of the letter!

[@Isusia]

@@orionterron99 well in fact there are 4 versions of this letter with different amount of swearing. And no reliable evidence which one is correct. But most of historians are tend to think some of swearing was ADDED later during copying in next ~100 years after original (1676)

[@sandrahuibers8081]

Wait, so ... That was really real?

[@mortified776]

@@sandrahuibers8081 That was indeed Sultan Mehmed IV's letter of 1676 to the Zaporozhian Cossacks requesting that they kindly cease resisting his rule and that indeed was their reply.

[@franticranter]

"You can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse" sounds straight out of the thick of it

[@1midnightfish]

🤣 All episodes on iPlayer now

[@vinnyganzano1930]

Capaldi killed it in that role, no one does casual swearing like a pissed off Scotsman, take it from a pissed off Scotsman.

[@noeldown1952]

The opening of this letter is unmistakable - you know exactly which exchange this is going to be from the first sentence, without reading the description. Kudos to the translator too - they perfectly translated not just the words, but the spirit of both letters. And, of course, Berry and Capaldi are brilliant.

[@EwgenijBelzmann]

Unfortunately, the rhymes of the original are lost, they make it so much better imho

[@DSQueenie]

What language is it originally in?

[@kucenyatko]

​@@DSQueenie Ukrainian, Correspondence between the Ottoman sultan and the Cossacks

[@ellisr.kinnear164]

Peter Capaldi is one of those actors who just seems to understand how everything should be delivered. It's insane he's routinely an unintentional scene stealer

[@aec9174]

The world needs Scottish Cossacks!!

[@hwelch2]

😄

[@joshroolf1966]

A terrifying yet hilarious concept!...😂🙈🧠💢

[@marioguidotomasone1265]

This wasnae a simple Scottish Cossack, this was a Glaswegian Cossack!

[@Electricshrock]

Yes! Scottish Spartans just wasn't enough.

[@cherylthommo1]

Called Tucker ❤

[@1streetmagic]

This is why you don’t argue with Scot’s, we take insults very seriously

[@gillian3168]

I’m Scottish, my husband is Turkish, we both found this entertaining and yes, he says never argue with a Scot especially a Scottish woman 🤣

[@ophelias4172]

I love it! It sounded like a letter from the Scots to the English.

[@1streetmagic]

@@gillian3168 the deadliest kind of woman

[@syberbeynon]

Capaldi's accent is perfect for that stream of insults.

[@drtmuir]

Malcolm Tucker would be useful in any time period.

[@Latitude6forward-yz4pp]

Billy Connolly… the icing on the cake

[@marcweiss5115]

That correspondence has since been the model for most contract negotiations and divorce settlements.

[@floralovespringandflowers6227]

"An idiot before God." 😂😂😂 "...and we don't own a calendar." 😂😂😂 Btw, I love Matt Berrys voice! He could read mathbooks to me and I would love it.

[@serinatang4184]

Strangely enough, I would love to know if he talks like that at home? Everything I have seen him in he has that voice.

[@erakfishfishfish]

@@serinatang4184I read in an interview that he finds pompous accents funny, so that’s why all of his characters sound like that.

[@serinatang4184]

@@erakfishfishfish Interesting. With other people I think it would wear thin, but for some reason he makes it work in everything I have seen of him.

[@shawnalfaro6943]

SPEAK PRRRRRREIST!!

[@bestsimsmom]

I looove his way of talking. Especially on what we do in the shadows.

[@Citizen_J]

Berry's opening was so strong, you could see Capaldi switch gears in real time. Loved it!

[@MarcusBurkenhare]

This is why I love both Peter Capaldi and Matt Berry. Magnificent.

[@000xyz]

Both fantastic doctors

[@gordondean9189]

@@000xyz I'll get a mop

[@vickyzimmer527]

Peter Capaldi will forever be angry eyebrows to me. His Scottish rage is the MOST entertaining. ❤

[@alextrill5829]

Those are attack eyebrows!

[@folkloreofbeing]

Scottish rage is funny. Except when you grow up with it.

[@HeatyFrog]

The real genius of this is the reaction of whichever one isn't talking

[@HikaruKatayamma]

ROFL! Peter was PERFECT for this! Gotta love that Scottish rage!

[@AmandaJYoungs]

I think Matt was perfect casting too for that opener. It was inspired on both sides!

[@jbrubin8274]

Right? I have a friend who knows it cracks me up and depending on his mood, I’ll receive a recording of him losing it. There’s nothing more entertaining and satisfying than seeing/hearing that happen off the cuff. I tip my cap. 😂🤭🤣💯

[@CatsandJp]

Peter puts my Scottish fathers rage to shame…he’s nowhere near as wild or a passionate when he goes of the deep end.

[@DevinJHiggins]

The 'attack eyebrows' were on full display for this one.

[@Anil18834]

Matt Berry is terrific and this combo is fantastic, but Peter Capaldi is peerless. I fell in love with him in "The Thick Of It" and after all these years, he's still my favorite Scotsman. The vein on the right side of his temple looks like he's about to have a stroke out of anger 😂

[@codibooker5091]

I’m sad we never got that episode of Doctor Who in Capaldi’s era with Matt as the Monk, truly would’ve been a lot of fun 😭

[@graceharrison7066]

Omg Matt as the monk now that's an opportunity

[@Pea_Green]

Just when I think I can't love Peter Capaldi more . . . . . he does this. Be still, my beating heart.

[@alyzu4755]

Oh yes! 😍

[@1midnightfish]

Peter Capaldi should be made an honorary Cossack!

[@kikidevine694]

Just what The Doctor ordered

[@chrishateley5582]

I want to see an exchange between Matt Berry and Brian Blessed. Or some sort of production where they play father and son. I don't care what it's about, somebody just make it happen.

[@firedragonosis]

Watch Toast of London S3E3

[@chrishateley5582]

@@firedragonosis Awesome, thank you 🙂

[@AenesidemusOZ]

I I mediately thought of Brian Blessed too. 😂

[@gordondean9189]

@@firedragonosis JOHN HAMM!!!!

[@midnightmosesuk]

This is a big favourite of mine, the letter never fails to make me laugh. By all accounts the writing was a team effort with the Zaprozhian Cossacks trying to outdo each other with suggestions for insults. I can imagine them all laughing their heads off each time someone came up with a new one.

[@arnaudmenard5114]

well...thats humans! any age, any era...we will draw a dick on a wall and giggle about it...

[@andreynagorny2067]

There is a famous Ukranian painting about that Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks Look it up, it's literaly what you imagend

[@doyinskeiwakr9682]

​@@andreynagorny2067Thank you! I searched it out and you're right it is exactly what I hoped for. They're having such a good time coming up with the grossest insults they can think up 😂

[@jonpopelka]

Right on, man. Slava Ukraini! 🇺🇦

[@chriswatson7965]

It's actually 17thC war propaganda likely originating in Poland, but it makes such a good story it keeps getting retold.

[@TheOodoneOut44]

This is the best crossover ever. Always wanted to see 12 in his true Scottish form

[@jadefire2817]

Watch him in "The Thick of it" (possibly Peter even out -Scottishes himself in it!

[@evalynsinclair9715]

peter capaldi is so funny, he puts 110% into every single word of this delivery, we are truly blessed to have him as the doctor

[@DomR1997]

Peter Capaldi is such a fantastic actor, one of my favorites, right alongside Matt Berry. This was such a special treat to see.

[@notherness]

the moral of the story is that, like us, our predecessor's are deeply adept at verbal nuclear warfare

[@RealSalica]

I love Peter Capaldi so much !🤣

[@LettersLive]

Peter absolutely slays this letter!

[@lifesabeachnyc8568]

@@LettersLiveHe really does. Inspired to start a The Thick of It rewatch tonight. 🤣

[@dingopearl]

Those two guys are the greatest.

[@MSKDphantom]

Peter Capaldi is an international treasure and needs to be protected.

[@hhhieronymusbotch]

Human decency demands we crowdfund a full cinematic adaptation of this asap

[@CeruleanDragon1]

I got this feeling like Peter Capaldi heard all that and then looked at his letter and was about to say, "I think I got shafted on this deal." and at one point Matt Berry looked like he wanted to stop Capaldi and ask if that was really in the letter or if he was making things up. XD

[@Freeden]

Forget Morgan Freeman, I want Matt Berry to read my eulogy. He would make my funeral so much fun.

[@robertriteman3227]

It would even better if he read it as Jackie Daytona

[@Freeden]

@@robertriteman3227 There really should be more Jackie Daytona out there.

[@robertriteman3227]

There needs to be a spin off after the series ends. @@Freeden

[@CloneJFK]

My absolute two favourite actors. Malcolm Tucker / Twelve / The Angel Islington vs Laszlo Cravensworth / Todd Rivers / Douglas Reynholm. Two giants of the screen.

[@ValiantWrestling]

Capaldi was Doctor 13, not 12.

[@TurfyBrolan]

Definitely was in Tucker mode. “YOU WILL SEEE ME AGAIN!”

[@CloneJFK]

@@ValiantWrestling War Doctor doesn't add to the number scheme

[@lasciamidasolo]

finally someone who also remembers capaldi for his performance as the angel islington! he was hauntingly perfect for the role

[@invaderjae]

I have no idea what's going on here. But this was fantastic. I love these two even more.

[@heehaw-i6u]

"We fear no army" Every word of Peter's reply spoken like a True Scot! Proud of ya Pete xx

[@calebleland8390]

I didn't know that I needed this in my life. My heart is full.

[@ottovonbearsmark8876]

I just found this, and I knew from the thumbnail which letter this was. I could not ask for a better combination than Peter Capaldi and the Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks

[@heatherwoods360]

only Matt Berry could convincingly deliver the grandiosity of the Sultan's full title. brilliant

[@WorldGoods]

Even the Sultan didn't know how to respond to that one

[@Eehonda_again]

These guys were perfect choices to read their respective letters 😂

[@tricycle7274]

Those were the days of imaginative, vivid and lyrical writing.

[@MorpheusRishi]

Sir, your 12th Doctor is showing 😂😂

[@jedhood6986]

Why do I really want Capaldi to just call me and curse me out for no reason? Would make my entire life.

[@cmonkey63]

Ah, diplomacy at its best!

[@RedComet1701]

Capaldi could read the ingredient list off the back of a bottle of ketchup and it would be award worthy.

[@ms.antithesis]

capaldi going full Tucker on a letter is fucking beautiful.

[@Football__Junkie]

I could listen to Matt Berry read TV Guide

[@Ordinaryguy82]

Capaldi would be an amazing Van Helsing as the genuine one on “what we do in the shadows”😂🤣

[@ValeBridges]

2:12 I love this little glance. It's as if to indicate that the Sultan is getting upset and looking for a ref to step in, because things are getting too heated for him to handle.

[@Strigulino]

I could listen to Matt Berry reading anything. He could just count for all I care.

[@MatthewCharmanadventures]

In fairness to the sultan, slaying a hedgehog with one's naked arse does seem like a hell of a task.

[@everettharris967]

Thank you KZbin algorithm for suggesting this to me, two of my favorites, both elite at delivering fiery insults.

[@paulEmotionalaudio]

Two fantastic readers. Both masters of expression!

[@stefanthesailor967]

PMQs could learn a lot from these two

[@AmandaJYoungs]

Not Mhairi Black, though! She will be much missed (at least by me) come the next election when she stands down - although to be fair, she was probably only ever thinking it!

[@thomasandrewclifford]

How does this even happen!? Capaldi and Berry is not the combo I would ever expect.

[@Lowlandlord]

Knew and loved this as soon as Matt started reading.

[@remychase]

Missed an opportunity not getting Malcolm Tucker to show up at Reynholm Industries.

[@ravenshrike]

Berry just reads his letter bombastically. Capaldi takes it to the next level and turns his letter into a street confrontation between the two.

[@PrinceoftheAbyss]

That was the most epic string of swearing and insults I have ever heard.

[@estoy1001]

"...so I'll get back to you..."

[@DominickvdHoff]

Amazing readers! Although I feel like the reply should have been given by a group of people laughing together and each adding insults, like the painting depicted

[@Lowlandlord]

Group needs to be all Scots though, Scots swearing is just top notch :P

[@realhorrorshow8547]

In case anyone is interested here's a link to the painting: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks#/media/File:Ilja_Jefimowitsch_Repin_-_Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks_-_Yorck.jpg Those boys knew how to have a good time, stylish dressers too.

[@lifesabeachnyc8568]

@@realhorrorshow8547 Thanks, much appreciated. Was just going to look for it.

[@shahosh]

Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks

[@willpunchit272]

alternate title: douglas reynholm and the 12th doctor read a fiery letter exchange

[@susiew2521]

If only the discourse of the powerful was as direct today . . . at least we'd know where we stood.

[@SunnyAquamarine2]

I couldn't have said it better, lol

[@loggior.speedweed4345]

Been a IT Crowd fan for a couple years yet never once knew who played the boss. Thank you for this!

[@autiejedi5857]

Even better when read by a Scot! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿💜

[@jasonsgroovemachine]

That escalated quickly.

[@justynpryce]

Happy to say, after many millennia, human arguments have yet to change

[@Gambit771]

They lack the wit and quality they once had.

[@TTHBLOX_]

Lazlo and the doctor. Amazing

[@heyyouguuys7939]

And with that I now know exactly what say to Vodafone when they send me their next bill

[@TheWirdbird]

Peter Capaldi was a joy to watch in “The Thick of It”.

[@wellthatagedwell2716]

It’s funny when you recognize the letters from history. And yes these are actually letters written by the Cossack leader and the Sultan of Turkey

[@keyblademasterclark]

I kept waiting for Capaldi to bring out his 12th Doctor acting and just insult him like the Doctor would

[@Abazigal]

I would hate to be the messenger with the job of reading out the reply to the Sultan.

[@GendanoGungakusha]

If you’re an Ottoman, yeah! But as a Cossack, that’d be a different mood!

[@TheRealEricE]

Never though I'd see the Doctor and Douglas Reynholm going at it.

[@EnoVarma]

One of these blokes has an actual, legitimate Academy Award to his merit.

[@Pea_Green]

. . .and well deserved it is too. Although I still think he stole the show in Dangerous Liaisons.

[@An_Awful_Jack]

I went in expecting The Monk Vs The Doctor, and got Laszlo Vs Malcolm Tucker

[@XiscoLozdob]

Ah, what could have been... Matt Berry's Monk versus Capaldi's Doctor would've been glorious!

[@RobCrowley85]

I remember howling the first time I read that exchange. No other exchange has ever topped this for me

[@bobsapdagger]

How did Berry hold his shit together? I was cry laughing through Capaldi's entire part.

[@HayleyFairyGrandmother]

"A crick in your prick!" Priceless.

[@beatlemaniac]

Matt Berry would make an amazing Doctor. I mean, he already has Tom Baker's voice!

[@LauPulstar]

i need Matt berry to read all the letters. he is hilarious

[@GamingHawke]

This makes me wonder what kind of vampire Peter would be and what kind of doctor Matt would be.

[@MitchellTF]

Peter capaldi proceeds to act his rear off...before it's even his turn.

[@captainsplifford]

This is sublime!

[@sarahcoleman5269]

How appropriate was this reader selection? A very proper and polite English accent for the very formal Sulatan... and a very belligerent and Scottish accent for the Cossacks. XD

[@wrennewman6868]

All Peter has to say is" I'm Doctor Who."

[@EllieC130]

I didn’t think Peter Capaldi could sound more scottish but there you go.

[@attackpatterndelta8949]

"Wise words from the distinguished, elderly, gay fucking tennis coach here." - Malcolm Tucker, The Thick Of It

[@beatonthedonis]

This is when talking smack before a boxing match was invented.

[@dlbuffmovie]

WONDERFUL!!! I have already quoted Peter twice and I just finished this like five minutes ago.

[@jewel65]

Same!😂😂😂😂

[@jackdriffill2394]

So that’s where that clip of Peter Capaldi yelling pig comes from

[@malcubed2327]

It's like watching Malcolm Tucker's ancestor in action.

[@grooms93]

I really hope that was an email exchange between 2 coworkers arguing about desk space.

[@marthacastro9162]

Definitely iconic!

[@mainvillain5580]

"The worst she can say is no"

[@safebox36]

I know what this is supposed to be, but with Capaldi's heavy portrayal I'm just picturing a King of Scotland being asked to submit to a King of England pre-union.

[@RichardStrong86]

The King of Scotland before the union (James VI) was the one that wanted the union and became James I, the self-styled "King of Great Britain and Ireland" from 1603 onwards.