Levi Korean Adoption 3 month Update on Grieving Process

[@lynnmarsh1227]

I can’t imagine why people would post unpleasant comments on your videos. You are being very honest and open and this will be invaluable for future adoptees. You should be commended for what you are doing. I truly believe your hard work, patience and commitment to this beautiful boy will pay off hugely. Blessings to you all!

[@anneosullivan5160]

I agree. Very brave of her

[@kaycee625]

She is very courageous and I respect her immensely. It’s hard to listen to, for their sake, because they deserve so much happiness. It must be hugely stressful for them all.

[@CassandraHorton560]

I truly believe because they have never been in this situation as a foster this is all very very real

[@barbibutton9619]

ABSOLUTELY

[@jmk1962]

Adoptees are the people who have been adopted. Adopters are the people who adopt.

[@ddicorcia]

My daughter who is also an adoptee from Korea had similar issues. It took about a good six months for her to calm down. Now she is in college and is the most relaxed person you can ever meet. Nothing phases her unlike me!!!!!! Hang in there momma. It will be okay.

[@chasethecat3839]

Daisy - sooooo wonderful and hopeful

[@cherrymetha3185]

Wow! Well done mum! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@gracieshepardtothemax1743]

THIS should be part of the resources for all potential adoptive families. Myka and James Stauffer should have seen these before adopting Huxley.

[@kiralilly609]

Completely true! Huxley was not a "bad" or "difficult" child himself or whatever they portrait him, he was just grieving...

[@gracieshepardtothemax1743]

Kira Lilly absolutely! I pray he gets nothing but love and patience with his new family!

[@barbibutton9619]

They KNEW and he was adjusting (bassed on an assessment the week they rehomed him). They just didn't LOVE him. They didn't WANT to try. I need to stop there

[@madbornstudio]

They knew what they were getting into. They just wanted views.

[@ellapark8770]

that's exactly my thought whenever i watch these videos.

[@kameshnigovender8807]

I admire the fact that you are truthful and transparent. I think it is essential for future adoptee parents to truly understand the good parts and bad parts of the process so they can prepare in advance, mentally and emotionally to be there for the child and learn ways to assist the child through the transition. You guys are great parents. Love your videos as they are in depth and educational 🤗🇿🇦

[@JoJo-ml2vz]

At last! Someone who doesn’t sugar coat it! Your honesty will be helpful to others and you have relayed this very sensitively x

[@xchloehannahx]

Considering adoption for my future when I’m in a more stable law career and these videos are so important because up until now I have never heard other adoptive families talk about the grieving period!

[@nupur9086]

Yes this exactly. Noone talks about this but this happens . I am so glad they talk about it.

[@auntbssewingquiltingandcra3442]

My husband and I have adopted 6 children. The last one is our grandson. His mom was here until he was about 6 months old. When he was a year old he came across the song his mom would sing to him everyday when he was smaller, he wept as he listened, then cried himself to sleep. I thought it was just a coincidence. Then I noticed it happened every time he heard it and I realized he was missing her. It breaks my heart. He asks why she left and I don’t know how to answer. She’s an addict. How do you say that to a three year old. You are good parents and you will find your way. Levi will understand one day. Adoption has its own stresses, but I wouldn’t change any of it.

[@CalledtoCultivate]

I really appreciate how you’re sharing Levi’s story so authentically, but doing it in a way that doesn’t humiliate him (by sharing clips of his struggles). I hope that he is continuing to adjust and heal from his grief.

[@nikkialvarez1916]

This is why I am very thankful to your family for being transparent because we can see what it's really like to adopt a child. Thank you!

[@anneosullivan5160]

Exactly. Nothing false

[@jmk1962]

I love her honesty and realism as she is not looking at adopting through rose coloured spectacles. I have just subscribed to watch more and I am an adoptee and adopter.

[@MYHelen143]

Thank you for being transparent with what happens when you bring an adoptive child home. This is the first time I ever heard someone talk about the grieving process, the parents dealing with what's happening as well as with the biological children it is so informative.

[@sarahsheridan1284]

You are doing a great job mama. Find time for self care. This journey through grief is not easy. You are amazing.

[@laurafitz3868]

Honestly the best adoption videos ever on your channel. So insightful and educational, thank you xx

[@bostongw]

My dear sweet mother, I am a retired school psychologist and did add three adoptive children, at 4,5, and 9 years of age, to our three biological children. Perhaps not yet, but please consider the idea that your baby may have far more problems than being adopted - you may be greatly concerned with the grieving process and perhaps it is difficult to realize that Levi has real problems, perhaps in the autistic spectrum, maybe a genetic disorder. Levi needs, as soon as you can accept this, a comprehensive multi- discipline assessment from a major center. Please believe me that I have had years and years of experience in this area and speak the truth. God bless you and your lovely family.

[@lenanona-p1x]

bostongw, thank you for your expertise. I am a social worker and agree that this little boy needs a thorough psychological assessment.

[@Barbie_and_Royal]

Agreed. I love this family and say this out of personal experience. He sounds so much like he’s in the spectrum. With a little outside advice, we were able to get this kind of behavior under control with my daughter. Now, one would barely know that she’s in the spectrum and had severe cortical and sensory issues as a younger child. She’s 12 now and just beautifully brilliant and wonderful.

[@ramonahgaerin5136]

I think this turns out well. Don't forget they are behind in posting. I predict he turns around around month 6!

[@jmk1962]

So true. Adoptees can have all sorts of undiagnosed issues along with attachment trauma. Remember the birth parents may also have had undiagnosed conditions like autism too as it often runs in families. Adopters need loads of support and far too often they don't get any and are left to negotiate it all by themselves with outsiders then saying they don't love the child because it isn't their biological child which is rubbish. Rather than condem them, why not offer to help, to babysit to give the adoptive parents some respite so that they can recharge their batteries occasionally. Even a few hours off to go and have a lunch/dinner date can make a huge difference to any adoptive parents. I don't know this channel, it just popped up in my recommendations, but I will subscribe as I love her honesty as I think a lot of uninformed people still have the mentality of "love conquers all" when it comes to adoption when sometimes a lot of extra support and professional help is required. I am both an adoptee and adopter so I do see it from both sides.

[@privateabc6108]

A highly sensitive topic, this idea is something I too, hold in my heart. Reaching out to trained professionals regarding bonding, attachment and cultural child development in an adoptive relationship can raise the stress 200 fold! :) As you are already highly competent parents, I pray that a transparent professional group will be able to created a trusted connection with you and your endeavor with Levi. There may be small things that could support you and Levi, that really encourage him, aspects of what you already do, but perhaps augmented in -certain- ways. Special time with his former foster mother prior to adoption may prove insightful involving -what areas- " Levi had sensitivities, or leanings early on. Above-all, the reaching out is only to augment this process, to be a greater support, like an extended family -respecting all you are doing! and all you have put in place ! as loving competent parents. I envision, a reciprocal type of dialogue, back and forth, where they will likely learn from you folks as well! I pray for everyone.

[@OhMyElounor]

Please don’t give up on Levi 🥺

[@gogowin1]

If your other two boys were fine with the food you provided, Levi should be also fine. You are very loving and I want to give you many hugs. Bless your family. Thanks for educating about the reality of adoption.

[@misselli6903]

They are genetically different. A vegetarian or vegan diet does not suit everybody. If he was alright with the food at his foster mom's, I would look into that and would try to feed him another diet. It is worth the try.

[@eboniz]

Miss Elli there is no need to do that at this point. he is showing no signs that his diet is not sufficient and is only showing classic signs of food obsession seen in a vast amount of adoptive cases.

[@ardythdebruyn7412]

I really appreciate you doing this. When I adopted my son several years ago, I found some information but none so thorough and specific. Never having had a child before, I assumed the sort of grieving behaviors you described here were simply normal two year old behavior (he was 2.5 at the time of coming home and everyone says two is a "terrible age"). Looking back on it now, I see the whole first year as a sleep deprived haze, but it helps my heart now to think of it as both him and us grieving together. I would say grieving changes over time, rather than goes away entirely. There have been some truly wonderful times, our love for each other is fierce and eternal, but it's a very long and complicated process and everyone going into an older child adoption should understand that before committing. The children deserve that.

[@jmk1962]

Hear, hear.

[@chasethecat3839]

God bless you

[@Catcapozzi]

You're really in the trenches, given the grieving and toddler issues! Every day you don't give up is a big win. Don't listen to anyone or anything in the comments: none of us know you, your child, or what you're going through. Adoption is like picking your own mountain to climb with its own terrain, weather, impasses, etc. Just like with children, no two mountain is the same. Similar features perhaps, but each totally different. You can try to plan your trip and prepare to the best of your ability (books, courses, etc), but it's impossible to predict how it'll actually be and what the mountain will actually be like until you're on it. And just like travel, it is never as predicted. Some days, the trail is smooth and easy with amazing views... and other days it's nothing but ice climbing in a blizzard. Just because you started your trip in a wild blizzard doesn't mean the weather will never change! The only thing constant is change, really... and the only way out of it is to keep going through it one step at a time. Keep the radio signal with your adoption counselor warm, they'll guide you through. You got this!

[@jmk1962]

Love your analogy.

[@chasethecat3839]

Beautiful comment...just beautiful

[@tammylong111]

We adopted our son from Guatemala. We live in the U.S. He was 12 months old when we brought him home. The transition was easier than I expected BUT some trying times came our way around the age of 3 and lasted until he was about 12, through no fault of his own. During that time we learned about his special needs and how best to meet those needs. With time, things became easier. He's now 17 and continues to bless us daily. Through it all, adoption was the best thing to happen to us. I admire your transparency and I agree that anyone considering adoption needs to know these things. I hope my comment will serve as encouragement to you during these difficult times! God bless your family💙💙💙.

[@virginiatoscano7394]

Babies thrive being held, cuddled and hugged especially if they were uprooted. Levi is still a BABY. He's missing the close personal contact that he knew in Korea from his foster mom & newly adopted dad while in Korea. Now in the US, he is thrown into competition with bigger kids, trying to keep up & then dad goes back to work after 2 weeks. I think his grandfather gets it. A baby his age & traumatic experience needs to be held & reassured often. In time he'll past this stage & be like his brothers but until then every opportunity to give him special personal attention should be given. The dad is perfectly capable of making his own meals so mom should use that time giving baby Levi that personal attention he needs. I feel like Levi's separation trauma is like a wife who was torn from her husband & taken to a different husband with 2 other existing wives. Different perspective but same emotional nightmare.

[@susanyates4233]

Esther, this sounds unbelievably difficult for you, and also for Ezra and Seth. But perhaps little Levi does need a proper diagnosis. I do hope that he becomes settled. I feel for you all. Love and prayers, Susan, in UK.

[@Annsunshine30]

I love this!! This kind of videos are obviously super important for new parents. Thank you for making them!

[@all4loveand_love4all]

I can't say enough about how much these kind of stories need to be heard by future adoptive parents. I think TBRI or some significant trauma based training should be required by all adoption agencies. Even new born adoption has trauma. Until I started studying trauma on the brain and how that affects childrens behaviors I had no clue how to best parent my boys. All of this was through me digging and asking so many questions. I hate looking back on how I was with my oldest and realizing how many things I did totally wrong. If I had been given just a little trauma training, I think it would have made our adjustment period so much better for everyone in the family. A huge part of this training needs to be "what to expect" and "how to best handle". Trauma doesn't go away. Adoption is never the rainbow and unicorns the public and media try to depict it to be. Love doesn't heal all wounds. You're doing amazing Mama!! The first 14 months was such an adjustment for our whole family. I questioned everything I was doing/not doing the 1st time around. I wish there had been more videos like yours to remind me this is all VERY normal. Keep it up! 💪👏🏼

[@koreanfamilyadventures8140]

Yes, our counselor recommended it to us and I’ve been watching a lot of TBRI Karyn Purvis talks on this. It’s been helpful.

[@jmk1962]

Totally agree. When I adopted 19 years ago there was little or no mention of trauma and separation anxiety which I agree should be compulsory for any prospective adopters so they can j derstand their grieving childs behaviours.

[@kiyafu105]

Thank you for your transparency and honesty throughout this whole process!

[@simonegrosberg4405]

You have explained this so well. It’s so sad the way the child isn’t prepared beforehand, over months to get used to the new family gently not just taken away from the only caregiver they have known. Hopefully a new way of doing this will happen and new parents will learn from your advice. Enjoy your children you are so lovely.

[@JL-tq7uw]

As a person who may adopt in the future, I am so grateful for your willingness and selflessness to share these sometimes difficult, tiring and frustrating experience. And you’ve done it with such grace and patience. Thank you!

[@kathyt3959]

You are both excellent parents ,you are not sugar coating nothing ,you are working with your adopted son for the best outcome ,you are not working against him ,never listen to negative people .💖

[@anneosullivan5160]

I agree

[@rebeccahurley8460]

I adopted 2 children from Ukraine..One of my children had major grieving issues..It wasn't easy at all but we got through it..God Bless you will too.

[@ohiograndma8655]

This is so helpful. Please write a book.

[@anneosullivan5160]

Yes

[@spidey2099100]

Ikr

[@spidey2099100]

Would definitely buy it

[@tf01ac]

There is definitely a hole in adoption preparation for understanding grief and loss... there would definitely be a market for a book on the subject.

[@leannbrower3152]

Your videos should be mandatory viewing for adoptive parents. Thank you for your honesty and candor.

[@vcholog]

Thank you for sharing your story, for the transparent honesty, it's very appreciated and not just for future adoptive parents but for general education to see what families may go through and hats off, biggest respect to your family too. I hope that all the viewers provides you with support and encouragement. Your family, your sons, you know best.

[@chamenchamen8171]

Please don't stop making these videos. Your videos are very HELPFUL for future adoptive parents.

[@SewFrancine6120]

You are so brave I’m sending you all the strength it takes every day.

[@Mae-iw5nm]

I love that you understand he is going through a grieving process. Thanks for being so transparent and vulnerable. It would be so great if you and Levi could one day write a book. 💕

[@icturner23]

I'm not even able to watch most of this video yet (as I'm busy with something), but I just want to say once again that your transparency and willingness to admit and confront difficulties is really excellent. I am adopted myself, and my parents (now retired) were social workers working in adoption, so to be honest I think I have better insight than almost anyone into the issue. You're doing a really ideal job.

[@barbibutton9619]

TY FOR SHARING THAT!!! I MEAN THAT from the bottom of my heart

[@a.i.marvin6180]

My daughter cried everyday after school. We lived in an apartment at that time. I was worried the neighbors might complain. She was seven and after sometime was I was worried about neighbors, so I started setting a timer for 20 minutes. When the timer went off she automatically stopped crying. After 2 weeks she did not cry any more. Also, a 7 year old is more mature than your 3 year old.

[@didipkerabat]

As usual, thank you for your videos! The transparency and honesty is well appreciated

[@annelizzy83]

I always recommend your KZbin channel to anybody who need advice on international adoption.

[@jmk1962]

This video just popped up in my recommendations this morning and I have subscribed to hear more. I am so pleased to see someone talking about adoption in such a calm and honest way rather than sugar coating it all as most adoptees these days will have some kind of issues along with separation anxiety at having been taken away from everything they have ever known, especially if it is an international adoption from another country with a different language, food, climate, and environment to adjust to. Imagine if you were told you were marrying a man who spoke a different language to you and the day after your wedding you had to go and live with him in his country leaving behind everything you had ever known. Would you be traumatised? Most definately Yes. Would it take you a long time to adjust? Yes. Would you long for your old life/foster mother/original language/food? Yes. The list goes on and on and anyone who thinks you can adopt a child and they will settle in immediately is deluded. I'm not talking about this lady, just some adopters in general, who don't do their research before adopting and expect too much from the child as they are still wearing their rose tinted glasses and then become resentful when the child isn't all over them hugging and kissing them or even worse if the child doesn't appear to be grateful like the child they were dreaming about in their head for years. That's why channels like this are so good. This lady is kindly sharing her experience to try and educate future adopters into the kinds of things they should be thinkng about BEFORE adopting, not AFTER the child comes home and their bubble is burst because it's a lot harder than they were expecting. Preparation and education is key here for poyential adopters so that they are realistic of what their child may or may not do when they come home. Forewarned is forearmed and if they get an easier ride then great, as most adoptees these days will have separation issues alongside possible undiagnosed ASD or other conditions, as their birth parents could also have had undiagnosed conditions leading them to be unable to parent their child. Remember children are put up for adoption for a wide range of reasons, and sometimes these 'reasons' only become apparent later on when the child finally settles into their new family and feels safe enough to let it all come out. Love this lady and am looking forward to watching more of her videos as I see adoption from both sides being both and adoptee and adopter

[@theundomesticatedmom6440]

The exiting and entering is a control thing. He’s trying to control his environment. He has to know he’s in control so he feels safe, to avoid the tantrums. It won’t last very long if you don’t fight it. Show him how to feel safe and that he can remove himself from unsafe situations. It’s really hard to explain. Wish you the best ❤️

[@MsTooteh]

You are doing a wonderful job! You have clearly prepared yourself as much as was possible and are now also learning on the job. It is so generous of you to share this knowledge with others. I'm glad that Levi and his brothers have such a loving mama. Wishing you and your family happiness and well being!

[@sarahf2800]

As an in-process adoptive parent for Korea, this has been so helpful in giving us a realistic expectation of what we should be prepared for. We've read about the grieving process, but to hear it explained as it's happening really makes it more understandable. Thank you for your honesty and I hope life has gotten easier for you and Levi since the 3 month mark.

[@daniellegamba3382]

Thank you so much. Your transparency helps so much to prepare as a future adoptive parent

[@youngnope4664]

These issues are so real, yet spoken about with much kindness.

[@notheothersarah]

Thank you for consistently putting yourself in his shoes and always considering his heart.

[@MemoryLane23]

Your video is certain to be helpful for future adopters. Every parent, at times, second guesses their decisions in raising their children. You are an intelligent and educated couple, making informed, prayerful, choices for your family. Your children are blessed to have you. I am praying you find all the answers, solutions, for Levi that you desire and that God will impart wisdom where to turn if professional guidance is required. God bless you. ♥️

[@skater4life1031]

These challenges must be difficult during COVID which is isolating in itself. I am so impressed with your resilience and strength . To be so tired and giving 24/7 becomes a daily challenge. My prayer for you today is peace. I wish you had more daily support to have a quick nap or a few hours away to rebuild your strength and have a fresh start and prospective. Future adoptive families are so lucky to have you guys share this difficult journey. My mom used to say, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s true. Gods Blessings to you all. 🥰😇🙏🏼

[@stephaniereginam8626]

I am not a parent but I have followed your videos. You are an amazing woman & mother to have such compassion & love for this child. I admire you.

[@sfdave65]

maybe this....maybe that... we all have these thoughts that maybe I know the answer so I'll share. i honestly don't know. what I do know, is that you and your family have shown and continue to show an abundance of love and care for someone. may God continue to bless you. you are living a 36 hour day, and to have to ability to sit down and then share this process with total strangers, incredible. i pray that even one family will see this and maybe consider adoption....every child, not matter what they are going through, deserve an incredible family like yours.

[@marizinhalinda100]

Thank you so much for sharing! I am in the process of adopting . Thank you for keeping it real for future parents. You guys are so brave !

[@Sparkl4860]

I truly admire your strength. You are truly a gift. Stay strong. Levi is so lucky to have your family.

[@martinchan503]

I must admire your family's fortitude & resilience. God has brought forth Levi on to you. Some may wonder why. But God's wisdom always prevails!!!

[@elisesanderson7242]

Oh my goodness thank you so much for these videos! We are future adoptive parents and feel so blessed to learn from your journey. Thank you for sharing so openly and helping future parents be the best they can be for their adopted children!

[@EBDower]

My nieces were adopted as babies while my nephew was adopted as a toddler. They have been a joy in my life but I know there are times when the grieving process for all of them was rough. Thank you for being so open and honest to help those who love them to help the parents with respite care and overall acceptance into the larger extended family.

[@TheSarahlou]

I absolutely love this family especially on how open they are with their lives and how you just know these are parents and grandparents who are going tp give all 3 of their children the best life ever (Levi is a very lucky child) xx

[@anneosullivan5160]

I agree

[@JustBethTrying]

I don’t have much experience with grief or trauma especially in toddlers, but sometimes it helps to preempt maladaptive behaviors before they occur. I wonder if it would help if you offered Levi food at a slightly shorter interval than he is currently asking for it. If he is asking for food every 3 minutes, then offer it every 2 and a half minutes. This may make food and its availability more predictable for him. He may come to see food as a given, not something he has to demand. If it is not food insecurity, but a general sense of loss and emptiness this may still help if you pair a gentle touch and reassuring words with the offer of food. I am thankful that you love this sweet boy enough to keep trying. What a beautiful picture of grace you are painting.

[@julieanklam3795]

I'm curious if after 7 months, does he still display these behaviors. If so, I am an trained, certified autism assessor who specializes in differential diagnoses in children. I just evaluated a child like yours and he didn't have autism, however, he did have Sensory Processing Disorder. You can go to the STAR Institute web page to learn about SPD, or their You Tube channel and watch some of their videos.

[@anneosullivan5160]

Def. Doesnt sound like grieving

[@isabellezachary9917]

Grieving doesn’t have an end date, especially for children

[@margaretsofocleous8137]

I wondered if there was some disorder that is yet to be diagnosed. My first grandchild has aspergers but it took a while to diagnose even though the family knew there was something. He is 18 now and a high achiever educationally. He has come so far.

[@janksobiech611]

This child has more problems than grief. He was only a year when he was adopted. Most children forget their beginnings. He needs to be analyzed by a doctor in specialized medicine.

[@tiffanymatsumoto6494]

Thank you so much for sharing all of your videos, especially on grieving! No one talks about this. This is so helpful for a future adoptive family. You share in a very educational, and detailed way. Thank you!

[@Super_Grover_]

Looking forward to the Korean recipes for myself! You’re doing a phenomenal job with all of your boys! Don’t put too much weight into the negative or judgmental comments

[@katluann]

I want to see her recipes too. I had the sleeve surgery awhile back and I love rice and watch their adoption video to try to figure out how they made the seaweed soup mixed in the rice.

[@mytube1728]

I followed the first 5 episodes until you were able to bring Levi home. Thanks so much for these videos and may God continually bless your family. Thank you for being honest with your struggles, I hope Levi will feel at home and feel that he really belongs in this family.

[@tammykoble236]

Thank-you for being real, kind. and caring. I have been heart-broken over Huxley and you give me faith in everything.

[@donnapenn9284]

I can imagine how families who don’t share the child’s language manage.

[@Kelly-wj7sd]

It sounds like the counselor kept dismissing your concerns. I do think there could be an aspect of developmental issues or underlying medical issues that can present in some of those ways, (For example, no eye contact could be a concern for Autism...constant eating can be a sign of Prader-Willi syndrome). I feel like it should not be dismissed as something serious could be missed and the child would miss the opportunity for early intervention. We have fostered 20 children and adopted 2 and the behaviors you are talking about do sound pretty severe. Eating 50 times a day, constant destruction, aggression, body moving...etc. I think something like ADHD is a huge possibility. Therapy has always been helpful to start right from the beginning. Even just to support the child in their grieving. But also to make sure the placement stays successful and the adoption isn't interrupted. I think you guys had it extra difficult because of COVID and living out of your home as well. I can't wait to see the 6 month update. I hope things have calmed. Love these videos ❤

[@anneosullivan5160]

I agree

[@anneosullivan5160]

I think counsellor is dismissive as well

[@kellianderson4569]

As an adoptive mom of 2, I agree with the previous post. This is in no way an average reaction from grieving. Your counselor is being dismissive. You and your family need professional intervention ASAP. We received support almost immediately when we ran into issues and it helped immensely. I can’t imagine waiting 6 mos for professional help. It would have been disastrous for our family. On a happy note our daughter adjusted and is a very happy & healthy, well attached 11 year old.

[@icturner23]

I don't think P.W. is at all likely -- especially as Levi's muscle tone seems good. It is far more probable that it is a response to earlier deprivation, either literally of food or more likely love and affection.

[@barbibutton9619]

But the eye contact, or lack of, is with mom. He is angry at her, which is very common in adoptees. The agreesuve behavior is only to the home, not outside which would be inconsistent with other behavioral issues. He is angry at because ng tube amen from foster mom and his home and that is grief not behavioral imo

[@bronwynnorris6278]

If he is destroying things you need him in arms reach at all times to distract him and move him to another place. As a fosterparent for 40 yrs l build an attachment this way and it works with most kids. He probably has not learned how to,play it is not natural to him. Let him dig, rake leaves, run and play with the hose, help him climb trees. It is hard work but worth the effort. With food l pack a lunch box that the child can have free access to at all times keep topped up but make no reference to food let him lead.

[@Smag-wm4bx]

Throw the glass out..my kids are in their 20's..and once our first one was born we only purchased melamine plastic plates &, cups from walmart/target..because everyone drops stuff & no glass to clean up. Also, every child is SO DIFFERENT(even kids w. The same DNA) & adoption is another level added...even your birthed 3rd born could be a total handful and more issues than Levi. I think thats important to remember. I am adopted & my parents adopted 4 in total & 'to me' it seemes everyone expects there to be issues with the adopted child, so I think they ARE on high alert & are so watching & looking out for it more than tbeir own birthed child...so the adopted child is already at a disadvantage (not saying this family, but parents of adopted children in general) I read people saying get him checked..Add, adhd, spectrum, psychological issues & such..and it goes back to my previous comment...and that is..Everyone is quick to get a diagnosis...his life has turned upside down... Something NON OF us will EVER go through in our life..his culture, EVERYTHING! Yet, we forget that about these adopted children & we put a time limit on them & Wonder why the adopted child hasn't Fit 'OUR' MOLD YET (Side note, my daughter was diagnosed with ADD going into 1st. Grade..her pediatrtition wanted to hold off until the end of 2nd. Grade. Yet Levi is only 2 & everyone is throwing out these words of diagnosis . Yes, Adoption is better then the life these children would continue to have in their country..but patience is first & foremost for anyone thinking of adopting..IT IS FOREVER!

[@lorrainekomatsubara783]

I think Levi is very lucky to have you and your husband!

[@dagmaryork4940]

My heart goes out to you ❤️ And I believe it is important for people considering adoption to see this. Many videos just show the happy times and that is just not reality.

[@pamelavickerstuttle1892]

...thank you for the clarification. Peace, love and joy to your beautiful family.

[@swanyp5707]

Though he's just a small kid, deep in his heart he knew very well he's not your biological son. To him something is missing and he can never get it back. Let him feels he's loved in your family and make him feel secure. May Jesus's love fills his heart and heal him completely, and may God bless all of you always.

[@menufrog]

Esther, I can't imagine how tough this has been for you. Your compassion and patience will be rewarded. I think your honesty is incredibly brave and refreshing X thanks for sharing

[@chasethecat3839]

I love that you understand and named it turbulence in his heart. You KNOW that little boy ready. Your probably doing better than u know

[@sarahf2800]

As an in-process adoptive parent for Korea, this has been so helpful in giving us a realistic expectation of what we should be prepared for. Thank you for your honesty and I hope life has gotten easier for you and Levi since the 3 month mark.

[@bartlebyberlinberlin275]

What an amazing person and mother.

[@marksy4804]

Very informative.... it’s really tough even if you’re an experienced Mom . Maybe Levi is in the ADHD spectrum... hopefully he’s just grieving that’s why he has this attitude... I hope he grows out from it.... and get along with everyone.... I’m praying for you and your family that you will surpass this challenges amidst the covid virus. Stay healthy and stay safe... hope you can do more videos!

[@ngs5554]

Mark Sy My son has ADHD, and that was my first thought as she described his behavior.

[@katluann]

It definitely sounds like he has adhd because of the destruction and not knowing which way he wants to go. My kids had adhd and we didn’t Medicate but they were not destructive.

[@eeebee7420]

I think you should hug Levi and not wait for his approach anymore. You've given him enough space and he has attachments. He is very lucky to have such a beautiful family. Thank you for your honesty.

[@Olympicspirit]

Thank you for being so sincere and transparent, this journey is a very difficult for your whole family. My opinion is that all this situation is not normal after so many months. His behavior might be due to many develepmental issues, like ADHD, austism, etc, and early intervention is very helpful. For this you need a proper diagnosis, this is not mourning after so long. Blaming mourning for so long for extreme behaviors is avoiding the real issue

[@eboniz]

if you were kidnapped from your parent you would be mourning for a very long time

[@anneosullivan5160]

You are so good to post this. Thank you

[@susanyates4233]

I am an adult adoptee, and had many issues with my birth mother, but to add to what I have just written, a friend recommended The Primal Wound by Nancy Newton Verrier. It is an excellent book, and helped me to understand a great deal about my feelings over the years. I realise that it will help you rather than Levi.

[@mymia731]

You are doing a fabulous job. This video series is an incredible gift to people. Thank you

[@katybeth7550]

Please begin early intervention work soon with an occupational therapist. You can learn a lot about his need to move and ways to connect and bond through sensory play

[@vagabondjane3547]

Just a thought from the mom of an epileptic child (grown up now). The developing brain, especially if there is any trauma involved, needs healthy fats-saturated fats. We kept up the Atkins diet modified for epilepsy. It made a huge difference! Feed the brain! The brain would rather eat fats than sugar, but modern American diet feeds it too much sugar. I really encourage you to look into it. It satisfies the brain on a different level and may well impact the food obsession. Blessings on you all.

[@maryannecrisel1006]

My daughter who I adopted had food issues for years we would take her plate of a normal serving and divide it into 3 plates so she would get 2nds and 3rds but only eating a healthy amount , I’m not saying this applies to your situation but it may help another parent ❤️

[@cathybarela4304]

Esther you have a great heart, bless you and your family, I'm praying for patience and strength for you and your family, and for peace in Levi's soul. Hang in there I'm sure he is still grieving, bless you.

[@shamsh5634]

You are a strong strong mama! May God give you strength.

[@manchitas3531]

At 13:45 you describe the scene when he parted with the foster mom. I keep saying this woman acted in a very inappropriate way telling the baby "what are we going to do?" "I am going to cry!", "mommy is saying good bye!". I have believed for a long time that this left his little heart in trauma and tore him apart. I would recommend that the agency educates this woman and kindly asks her to not do that again, to any child. I was surprised to realize she has fostered 11 children. She should know that saying these things to a departing child is very inappropriate. The agency should keep note of this, as it might have increased Levi's trauma unnecessarily. If the foster mom wanted him so bad, she could have applied to adopt him herself.

[@nancyjones6428]

You have the patience of a saint.

[@teelouisem1350]

Another video ?!? YAAAAY. Thank you 😫😭

[@SarahAYu-mc5hs]

You are so strong Esther ❤️

[@icturner23]

Having glanced through the comments, but still not watched it yet, I'll also just add that it's important to remember that many things may just be Levi's personality. It's very difficult for adoptive parents to be objective about what is a neutral baseline and what is actually just their own set of characteristics. This is my own biggest difficulty with being adopted. Your other two sons have the same genes as each other and also as you, so raising them so far and just having your own outlook will naturally have set your parameters of what to expect. You and David both seem very calm so if Seth and Ezra are well-behaved it may just be that they have inherited that calmness. But it isn't normal (or abnormal) to be calm -- it just is. And the same applies to a more tempestuous personality. It may well be that he'll have more diagnosable issues instead/as well, but there's no way to know that now. The important thing to always remember is that your other sons' behavioural style should not set the bar as to what is expected/desirable. (This isn't a criticism -- as I have said several times, I think you're doing a great job. I just thought maybe I could contribute something constructive as well. In my own family, as much as my parents have always been loving and caring, I have always felt like my personality is rather rejected and under pressure to suppress it.)

[@geraldinev.4144]

Why are you commenting without having watched the video. Doesn't make sense at all!!!

[@icturner23]

Geraldine V. I explained in my previous comment that I didn’t have time to watch it at the time as I was in the middle of doing something else. My comment here, which is clearly based on my own insight into the topic, is not predicated upon the particular content of this video. It is about the family in general, and without the names and a couple of adjectives, about adoption in general. They obviously appreciated it because they gave it a ❤️ before I had to repost it for an unrelated reason.

[@diniemadsen4778]

You are great people, don’t care for the unpleasant comments, you are very honest and sweet people.

[@alysonmel3681]

You are working hard. Parenting is hard work. You are kind and brave to share.

[@redonmyhead]

Thank you for being so transparent and willing to share your journey so that this can help other current and future children ❤️ God Bless

[@wasabisazzdafirst]

everyone's emotional capacity is different, i simply just cannot imagine the grieve that these little humans feel. sometimes i go through things that really make my heart wrench but it is okay for me to handle that because i am almost an adult and i have the capabilities and understanding to handle all these painful emotions. but for a little child to handle the pain, which they might not even understand, is truly heartbreaking. thank you for being so transparent about how you feel and on everyone's perspective on this. it is truly hard to deal with these kinds of situations and i pray that it will get better for your family.

[@crystalawrey2362]

Thank you for sharing your story! It is worth it in the end! I would honestly get outside councillors! My friends adopted a child and found out he had autism. The adoption people and councillors did not tell them. Or did not know. He definitely has sever anxiety. It’s just a good idea to have all the support u can get!

[@nyxynoo7903]

I wonder if a white noise machine or nature noise recording would be calming for Levi when he’s inside. Perhaps he senses that he needs those sounds and that’s why he goes back and forth through the front door.

[@monicamejia1687]

You and your husband are so wonderful people. God bless you for what you are doing.

[@MsTitanic99]

I applaud your patience. This must be very hard for you and your family but you seem to be handling this well and with so much strength. Your truth will help others, bless your heart.

[@BarefootGranny352]

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences so that others can have a better understanding of this process.

[@IMP3TIGO]

Just want to chime in to say that I think you're both great parents and to stay strong in your journey with your new son. You will all get through this tough period and come out stronger and closer individually and as a family unit. Btw, much respect for your plant-based diet.

[@wichisworld]

"Adoptive parents, especially mothers, often get the brunt of the adoptee’s anger, for they are present. It is more difficult to be angry with someone who is a mystery (the birth mother). While the adoptee may harbor deep rage at the birth mother, often she is not consciously aware of it. I was plagued with guilt most of my life for the anger I held toward my adoptive mother. I thought it was a defect in me. But now I realize I was angry for some reasons that make sense in light of the losses I had experienced." 20 things adopted parents wish their parents knew - Sherie Elridge . You can find it in kindle

[@jmk1962]

Love that book.

[@beverlycowan6025]

Thank you for your honesty,you will help many ❤❤

[@cynthianapoleon6313]

You are sooo brave and strong.. 😊😊😊