Korean Adoptee-- I said NO to my Birth Mother...And Here's WHY

[@jeannebrown484]

As someone who is 66 years old and adopted I totally understand your position. Our home is our safe place. Your feelings certainly are very valid.

[@dianaday1]

I'm not adopted or the parent of an adoptee, but everything you're saying (quite eloquently, I might add) makes absolute perfect sense. It doesn't sound cold at all. What it sounds like is that you have control over your own life, you're not a victim, and that you're making a stand on what kind of relationships you want with your biological family. To me, that sounds very strong and healthy!

[@ummuanas377]

Thanks for bringing up this topic. I recently started to investigate about adoptions and I mostly find emotional videos of people looking for their mothers, hugging them adding them to their lives and so on and this is the first video i find showing the other side. I had to figure out that not all adoptes look for their biological families or if they do, not all of them get along. I can't believe everything is so romantic and ideal!!

[@HH-kg4fq]

You are not indebted to her. Please stop saying that. Also, She is a stranger to you.

[@florag8358]

But hear how much pain that stranger caused to her relinquished daughter. You cant minimize the pain of adoption. You cant deny the pain of maternal relinquishment. It cuts very deep ..

[@hayleyfay4779]

They are not strangers... they spend most important 9 months together

[@tesestilo3925]

Don't feel sorry, everyone is different. Just the decision of acknowledging your biological mother is fair enough. Much love from Canada.❤

[@lucindalove7606]

Yes! I agree! I am in my 40’s and cannot even take the step of acknowledging my biological mother.

[@mamachicken1548]

I gave up a baby boy in 1980. One day he looked for me (as an adult). Actually it was his fiance that found me. He was serving in the navy on a ship. We emailed and sent photos to each other. We did this for a year or two. Finally, when he was back home with his girl. We went to connect in person. It was wonderful!! My husband and I visited 2 more summers after that and then my son and I just stopped communicating after that. He had 2 small children ages 1 & 3. I chose to not continue in his life. I felt he and his family belong to the adopted family. I especially felt this way for his kids for reasons of wanting them to bond with his adoptive parents as their grandparents. I know I could call and talk to him anytime I wanted. I think it was all a part of putting the missing pieces together for him to want to know who his birth mom was and that was a nice closure and also a healing for me : )

[@billiefreitas6621]

I feel like that should have been his choice. It's like you gave up on him 2 times

[@shadowkissed2370]

@@billiefreitas6621 communication goes both ways. He could have kept up with her as much as she could have kept up with him.

[@holkn]

i guess the chicken have come home to roost

[@gtankngeastgreen8424]

I feel its more like an extended family. The bigger the family the more the love. True love multiples. Most times its never easy for a mother to give up her child. Usually there's a good reason.

[@fluffysox6072]

That’s horrible. It’s like you’re rejecting him again. If this is how you are then just stay out of his life for good. He doesn’t deserve that confusion.

[@cynharman6866]

I think she did the right thing finding them now she knows that there is nothing missing in her life .She did not bond with them but had to do it to see where she came from

[@davidweiss8710]

As an adopted kid I can understand your point about not allowing your birth mother in your home. Also I could understand about the feelings you had that when you were in Korea and that you felt "burdened" as you said that she took ownership for your accomplishments. My birth parents were a sperm donor and egg donor in my opinion. Would I like to meet mine? Maybe but I was raised by my adopted parents and they get all the credit. My parents are the ones who raised me, loved me and guided me.

[@karenbutcher9171]

I get it. I’m adopted and met my bio grandmother. My bio mom was going to meet me but we got lost on our way to their home and she left. I thought I’d feel somehow different but it simply made me feel uncomfortable. I love my parents. They have been there for me every step of my life. Knowing what I know about my bio mom and how she just dumped me at the hospital so she could be with some man was a wake up call. Blood has nothing to do with family. It’s the ones who love you and that’s it. God bless you. Lots of us know your struggle

[@karyndewit193]

I have three kids who are adopted and I’ve told them that! Two were adopted from the foster care system so they had a lot of issues to deal with, but I’ve always assured them of my love for them.

[@nillyk5671]

Blood doesn't have to do with family for those whose bio family don't care much. But blood is very important for other people who always felt disconnected and never felt like they belonged, blood is everything to them. The people who raised them weren't the best or were ok but they felt the most comfortable with their birth family. It's different for everyone. We can't make a blank statement: "blood has nothing to do with family" because it is not universally true, it''s just your truth.

[@karenbutcher9171]

@@nillyk5671 I literally said nothing about blood. Sounds like it’s more your truth than anyone else’s.

[@bpedoniquott7971]

You started this process and you want to justify why...lifelong search good luck in your life

[@jaemunns5180]

You've made absolutely right decision, I'm just old Korean grandma but, I fully understand what you trying to say.❤

[@alysonmel3681]

You did the right thing as a new mother. Having a baby that young with visitors would be a lot even without the extra emotional Strain. You are not cold.

[@stanmiller9117]

Marie in CA here. You are so lovely and eloquent. I am an adoptive mother of an adult daughter. I understand your position. But I met her bio mom through a priest when she was pregnant and scared and needed help. I just want to say that you will never know what a woman may have gone through to come to that decision. I understand that you don't want to experience or share her pain, but I hope you can come to appreciate it without harshly judging get her. That she gave you up doesn't mean she didn't love you. She did, and her pain may be that a piece of her heart went with you. But for sure, you made the right decision for yourself at that time. I'm not judging you. Just trying to present what I learned from one bio mom.

[@obicat]

well said!

[@brisingarinstaridavis7084]

That's very interesting you made me think ALOT Thankyou

[@josiemoore2814]

As the mother of two daughters adopted from South Korea, I found this video overwhelming and beautiful. It's honest, truthful and lovely. Your video changed the conversations I will now have with my daughters. I have encouraged them to look for their biological parents and they have no desire whatsoever. I thought they didn't want to hurt me and explained to them that I was fine with it. After watching your video I showed it to them. They feel the exact same way you do and have the exact concerns. Thank you so much for posting this. You have taught me a lot.

[@Steveinthailand]

To be brutally honest, your 'daughters' were victims of the horrendous South Korean dictatorship adoptee programme of the 1980s which targeted single-mom prostitutes.

[@sophiakim5565]

But they may change their minds, so tell them to keep their opinion open. Lots of adoptees are afraid to hurt their adoptive parents if they search for their birth parents. Please go on tik tok and listen to Tik Tokmers who are Korean/non-Korean adoptees who are honestly revealing how difficult life is for adoptees. Adoptees are finally being heard , not just the adoptive parents who have their own rosy narrative,

[@Don-po8vl]

@@sophiakim5565 yeah I have that change of mind since late 30ties.

[@vickielewallen3799]

I am the parent (by adoption) of a Korean daughter. I found your story interesting! I had told my own daughter i would help her if she ever decided to find her birth mother, but the decision would be totally up to her. I am very grateful to her birth mom for having my daughter, for the possibly difficult decision she had to make, etc. But the bottom line is this imo: the adoption was not about me, or the birth mom, it was about the baby (baby at the time), my daughter. I want my daughter to be comfortable with any decision she makes, and i would hope for you that you would make the decision that makes YOU comfortable, not uncomfortable, whatever it is. In my opinion, the whole adoption, any meeting with birth family, *anything to do with the adoption,* should be about (and made by) the baby/adoptee, and no one else. Good luck to you, beautiful girl, and always follow your own capable heart. ❤❤❤❤

[@Jeda5479]

I watched a video of Vietnamese Canadian man who told the 2 women who adopted his biological children that the kids are theirs and they are their parent. He put himself as a friend of those kids. He even bow down to them for taking care of his biological children.

[@beautyallure45]

I watched that also!!! Great story~

[@marfslb5560]

And I still waiting for the last daughter I think shes 16 now so they are waiting until she´s 18 years old hopefully they will meet completely.

[@ssam3826]

I have seen it too. Even the biological mom.

[@alicewon-kim2141]

I think it is great how you are self aware and that you are processing things so carefully on your terms. In my eyes, your choices were emotionally healthy.

[@lauriemogianesi3571]

You are absolutely right to say no! Your parents raised you educated you formed you.They are your parents,your kids Grandparents they are the parents that formed your character.Forget it too many people coming.You owe them nothing!

[@bethroesch2156]

I have been on the other side of this, twice actually. You're not weird at all. I am a firm believer that DNA doesn't make you family and puts you under no obligation to anyone. The person I went through this with made her decision early and chose the family and she knows that's the best thing and only thing she has done as this child's mother. It's easier for siblings, I saw my Mom go through that. You were all children and had no say. The issue with your biological mom are more complex. You did the right thing for you and for your family and owe no apologies. You have the right to decide who has a place in your life and what that place is ❤️

[@brisingarinstaridavis7084]

Well said totally agree with you

[@MikeM.1971.GenX.]

I'm an adopted Korean that is 52 years of age, and I would move mountains to reunite with my birth mother and father. I want to thank them for not having an abortion. I want to thank my biological mother for giving me a chance because I was adopted by a wonderful family. they are now deceased and I will no longer feel guilty for my desire to reunite.

[@butterflylofu]

I feel like your biological mom is a typical Asian parent. There is probably a lot of shame for her and guilt. But typically Asian parents pass that guilt on to their kids too. So what you said isn't surprising to me. Asian parents are victims. ALL THE TIME. As for the taking credit for your life, that's very common in Asian culture too. I think you did the right thing for you. It's a lot. It is emotional and mental. You have to put your feelings first and what's right for you regardless of what the expectations are.

[@obicat]

I don't think it was because she was Asian. Mothers of loss here in the U.S. react the same way that her mother reacted. Somehow, ppl think that losing a child to adoption is like the mother throwing her child away & that's just not the case. She feels every bit of sadness that a mother who has lost a child to death would feel, only it's worse. So, I think that the girl who made the video is putting her mother in the wrong light. Her mother is indeed a victim, but not because she's Asian. She's a victim of a system that thinks a child can be taken from his/her mother and be raised with strangers & everything is ok, but in fact, far from it.

[@nicolem2576]

@@obicat But how is she a victim? After all, it is her mother who abandoned her in the first place. Not every women who is single, poor, etc. decides to abandon their own child. It is her who made the choice to give up her child for adoption. I’m not saying that her mother is evil for doing that because I understand that her birth mother must have had many difficulties in life and probably was not in her best condition to raise a child. But her mother is definitely not the victim here, and in fact, even though the woman from the video has her own family with a beautiful house, the hardships she must have gone through as a child for not having anyone related to her and the loneliness she must’ve felt since she was so young is in fact all because of her birth mother’s fault. Even if the woman from the video grew up fine, she is still the victim here, not her mother.

[@theguynextdoor4978]

I admire your courage to be this candid about it. It's not all rainbows and sunshine. I'm a non-adoptee, but I imagine reconciliations like this takes time. Sometimes it works out, other times it doesn't. A Korean adopted former classmate here in Norway also met his biological mom. It took time for them to form that bond. She was essentially a stranger, since he came here about 40 years ago. Luckily she was a retired English teacher, so they're talking weekly on skype.

[@RobertoNeumann]

I like very much your maturity, your way of thinking, the love you show for your adopted family. You are a wonderful human being, I send you lots of love from Chile

[@JJ-kb4ry]

Adoptee here You are being incredibly mature and acutely aware of your own bottom line and limits

[@shortymcfox2251]

Thank you for sharing your story. You have every right to your feelings and how you handled your situation. Family just isn’t DNA, it’s who you bring into it. Take care and God bless🤗🌻

[@prinhana]

It is your life! You did the right thing for you!! Good job!!

[@lisah3233]

My thoughts as an AP that I have always told my kids is that they are the only ones in the triad that never got a choice in any of this so the choices they make regarding how they feel at anytime is theirs to own and feel. Hugs

[@sophiakim5565]

That is so caring, insightful and touching.

[@pattimercer9357]

You are a very brave young lady. You did the right thing for you. Let it go.

[@lifeunfiltered01]

I think the fact that you're a mom ,I think that it triggered some deep emotional pain it's totally understandable . You don't owe anyone anything , you continue talking about it an just let it all out . your doing what's best for you mentality , emotionally and physically much love to you 🙏🏽

[@Mar-enfrance]

You don't have to justify or make excuses for your feelings. Your home, your castle, the place you feel safe. Grandma is the person who brought you up, who looked after you. Your instincts were correct. Good luck and be happy.

[@lauriegreenwood8946]

You are doing what’s right for you. I’ve been there. You did what you needed to do by giving her a meeting and spending time with you. The rest is up to you and I agree parents are the people who raised you❤

[@einom1236]

Good job knowing and establishing your boundaries!

[@TKILondon]

I am glad that you say no, I only meet my father once in my live, now as I am an adult he wanted to have that family relationship with me, I find it quite hard to feel emotionally connected with his side of family so I understand where you coming from, so please don’t feel bad.

[@mikemollyzz]

thanks for sharing your story. im a Korean adoptee who grew up in Australia and am 36 yrs old now and have just started looking up content about other Korean adoptees. i definately don't think you are cold or in the wrong for your feelings. I can't imagine trying to find my birth parents too be honest but I really appreciate you sharing your emotions about this experience. subscribed!

[@StephanieDrenka]

my sister, her husband, and her daughter stayed with me for about 10 days... i got so frustrated and cranky by the last days. not because of anything that she did, but the level of constant anxiety i felt. i also felt really uncomfortable staying in a small hotel room with my birth mother in korea. just need personal space to process everything.

[@NewEnglandSeoul]

Two of my bio sisters, their husbands and their child stayed ended up staying with us was a full house as it was. Thanks for commenting. I'm glad you can relate and I can't imagine sharing a hotel with them or my birth mother in Korea. Space both physical and mental is key for this journey.

[@timothyzakaria7397]

@@NewEnglandSeoul I was adopted but illegally I really want to learn about Korean culture and women but I don't like my parents my life is really hard and I don't know when my biological mother who is mixed with Korean came to the US. I want to be compensated for being adopted illegally it messed a lot of my life up. I should of been put in foster care cause I don't know either parent and I'm 31 yrs old

[@timothyzakaria7397]

@@NewEnglandSeoul my biological mother has a Korean mother with a Middle Eastern father. For me I don't look Korean but I still like being part of the Asian community. Most likely my mother went through a lot of identity issues

[@serenanorris6129]

I have to thank you. I'm a birth mother. You have given me some insight in how to see my daughters feelings towards me. It is heartbreaking but it's not all about me.

[@caroldonaldson5936]

It sounds as though your intuition was worth listening to. You are right about her pain/guilt - it's not yours to carry and that sense of 'entitlement'(?) you picked up on was worth listening to. Having them all in your home would certainly feel overwhelming - estranged relationships need time, space and sensitivity to grow and heal from this kind of separation trauma. I think you handled it really well and I hope the future with your siblings is a source of strength, love & support for all of you.❤️

[@kellyliu4225]

You made right decision! Your adoptive parents are your parents

[@jayabhadra924]

You are not cold - you are clear and honest and true to yourself and your family . . . stay like that

[@colleenscaffa3422]

I think you did the right thing for you at the time. Let it go-

[@snowwhite2709]

I think you made exactly the perfect decision for you, and you have every right to feel the way you do. Don't give it anymore thought.

[@kevinanderson705]

My personal preference is closed adoption. You made the right choice for you and your new baby at the time you made it. No shame- blessings for you and your family going forward,

[@MPG-ub5ke]

That's very onerous of her to expect you to host her in your house with a newborn baby. No way, not okay. You did the right thing to decline. She didn't raise you, she's a stranger. Your adoptive parents did.

[@christinalopez4026]

You did the right thing and grandma goes to your adopted parents

[@ew7512]

I don't think there's a right or wrong way to be an adoptee.

[@craigkeller]

Trust yourself. Your immediate family is first. But you know that.

[@raydiane1]

I really don’t think you did anything wrong or heartless. I would have done the same thing. You are so nice to even visit her. I wouldn’t have even done that. To me the ones who raised nurtured educated and took care of me is who my loyalty lies. Move on and take care of your own family. You didn’t do anything wrong.

[@francinelatorraca8885]

You are right. Truthfully you owe her nothing.

[@hortonc5996]

She didn’t raise you and your not connected the same way that’s all there is to it. It’s ok to feel like that..you don’t know her as your mother. It’s a bond that was broken doesn’t mean you have to have shame for that❤️

[@anne-mariepritz7649]

I have total understanding and i wish you all the very best in life. People like you make me very proud. Carry on, and never regret anything from your past. It will only serve to rob you of your here and now. Anila from united kingdom. 🙏

[@redonmyhead]

You’re feelings are valid ALL of them. ❤️ No one can tell you how to feel, it’s YOUR journey. Great video. It’s nice to get to see someone telling adoptees to stand for their feelings. God Bless!

[@terrylemal5163]

Every supportive thing I could say to you, you said. You do you. You are the best expert of you!

[@anniewillis8226]

You are you being you and thats a beautiful thing Go forward and enjoy your lifes journey

[@vvmac1]

Bravo. It’s wonderful that you are true to yourself. Greatest gift you can give others. Thanks for sharing.❤️

[@theatequila7367]

I think any of the negative comments are from people who have either watched too many happy reunion stories or maybe even experienced their own happy reunion and are being too narrow in their view. I can only imagine the situation but if I were in your shoes, I would NOT want my bio mother to act so emotional and close towards me. We would be strangers and I'd expect a slow rebuilding of the bridge she chose to cut. There is no wrong way for you to feel about your situation and I'm really happy for you that you owned your feelings.

[@baranturhal2870]

I am so sorry that you have to go through this situation, sending you much love and happiness. LOVE FROM GERMANY 🤍

[@megandunn9462]

Hey, I’m a Korean adopted and you are not cold at all! This video really helped me figure out some things for myself. I completely felt when you said that you have a bunch of different feelings and your own burden about your adoption. I also felt when you said that your biological siblings will not be sisters but biological sister. I honestly feel the same, I feel like adoption has made my siblings feel really close and like we share a bond, and that my inner circle feel like it needs to be hard earned. Any biological family feels distant and like we are only really connected because of the adoption. Thank you for sharing, and it’s totally okay to cry and be sad! I also recommend a therapist who specializes in adoptees, I know good ones can be hard to find and there’s a stigma around them but it may really help! I’m tryin to save money for one for my whole family lol!

[@ruthpena1077]

I understand what you're saying. I felt the same way whenever my bio father proudly tried to claim and say I have "six grandchildren," I told him no because in order to be or earn the claim as a grandfather you had to have been a father and that you weren't. I don't feel sorry at all I feel confident in my honest response.

[@User_dkffkdrkagfgk]

Am just a korean canadian, not an adoptee but as a mom of a little girl myself, i can understand and feel it was right for you to make that decision. Raising a child makes someone a real mother- like if I was given a newborn to raise, the times I spent with her would me closer to this baby. Not to say that biological mother is nothing but the relationship really builds through time and she should have been sensitive of your feelings and ultimately not take charge of you and your upbringing. Hugs to you and other K-adoptees❤

[@sarasullivan4897]

Bless you! You are doing what is good for you now. Your birth mother made her decision, and now she’ll have to make peace with how it is.

[@judymckee5992]

9months old to an adoptee parents who take care of u is a greater loyalty then your real parents.

[@laureencote3423]

There is no bond between you and her, but it looks like you have resentment towards her. There is definitely loyalty to your adopted parents. And this is impacting on you emotionally as seen on your video. You have every right to your choices. Enjoy your life and your children.

[@dragonflygrandma]

It's right to have your own feelings and to react accordingly.

[@MzNesha]

You are entitled to feel what you feel. You should not feel bad. You have your reasons. It's best that you said no then to allow her to come to please them and disregard your feelings. Your brave and I commend you for your honesty...

[@heathergreisen8396]

Adoptee feelings are complicated. No apology necessary. Thank you for sharing. You’re helping lots of adoptees to feel less alone.

[@NancyCronk]

Having family come and stay with you after a new baby is born is stressful and overwhelming, adopted or not. With adoptive family, it sounds like, "too much, too soon". You trusted your gut and that is exactly what was appropriate. You have the rest of your lives to build that relationship. Don't feel guilty for trusting your gut -- that's why we have one.

[@greek_chink3857]

you had every right to have made that decision, as a korean adoptee it’s completely understandable

[@GThompson-ix9bs]

Your speaking from the heart,and your right.

[@bethmaze1881]

I respect your decisions and choices about your Biological relatives. You are honoring your inner guide and that is the very healthiest possible way to live. You need make no apologies. You’re a model for all of us who feel we cannot stand up for ourselves. I appreciate your words and your tears.

[@familyguy160]

You did the right thing. Always follow your gut instinct and trust your gut instincts.

[@michellebeebelewisfrith1544]

What you are feeling is very normal. My Sister was adopted as well. She had a feeling of being betrayed because they had more children after her and kept them. She too felt uncomfortable ☹️. You need to go for counseling. It's important to sort out emotional for your emotional well-being.

[@MrsJackelineM]

I loved coming cross this video.. I felt it. all of it, and cried.💕 I still remember meeting my birth family.. and being where you were. So much to take in and comprehend. I remember saying no to my Birth mother. All the pressure I felt from my birth mother side of her family to my birth father side of his family. It was a lot. I needed my Space, I didn’t feel comfortable with having them so much involved in my life. I keep in touch from time to time. In the end I did what I felt was best for me, to non-adoptees who might not understand that, might seem selfish to them. But you have to do you.

[@ddicorcia]

As a mom through adoption, your feelings are yours. Totally understand where you were coming from. I would feel the same way.

[@anonymousanonymous-wc4wx]

Here what vive I got from your video. I can feel the resentment you have toward your biological family. I get that. I understand why you feel that way. You feel like you have been abandoned and suddenly they want to continue like nothing happened. What I dont understand is why did you search them and reach out to them only to reject them? Times are different now. Back then, in korea, single moms are not accepted in korean society. Not only will your mom will go through hard time, but you too will go through awful and painful discrimination. Back then, a decent men will not marry you in korea. People check families background. I hope you find somewhere in your heart to forgive her.

[@theatequila7367]

While you're stating societal facts, your viewpoint lacks some human emotion. I think it's very reasonable to search them out for so many reasons; wanting a relationship, trying to find some answers or even just closure. Some people want to confront, some people feel something is missing and hope to find it. You seem to be only thinking there's one reason to find your birth family and it's to create a relationship. You don't know how you're going to feel when you meet them and all feelings are valid.

[@icturner23]

She didn’t say she felt abandoned. The point is just that the biological mother hasn’t shaped who she is. She didn’t seek them out then reject them. Sorry if you think that it has to be all or nothing - that adoptees have to have zero contact or tolerate everything. They don’t.They especially don’t have to have all biological relatives stay in their home! She based her decision on the biological mother’s behaviour during the first visit. That was the reasonable thing to do.

[@suziewan115]

do not judge others

[@petersemrod8937]

It's a personal decision and no one should judge you for it however consider yourself fortunate having that option! Some of us do not...

[@lucindalove7606]

I was adopted. Now in my 40’s. I have biological children and adopted children. I was all for meeting my biological family...UNTIL...I gave birth for the first time. I realized I was angry because I, THEN, couldn’t understand how a mother and family, could give a baby away. Each child I birthed the feeling became stronger. I adopted children and met birth mothers I had no mercy for, because I didn’t understand how they wouldn’t fight and give everything to keep and fight for their babies. I am SO grateful for all of my children. I have NO desire to meet my biological family now under ANY circumstances. I am 100% ok with my adopted children meeting bio family. We are ALL different and every story is different. You are brave and strong. Whatever you feel comfortable doing is more than enough, and more than I would ever give. I admire you. It cannot be easy. I am sure after just having a child of your own, you had many things in your head and heart. I know I did. I think that’s normal and fair. I know this all must be a struggle, you have to be true to yourself. It seems that you are and you will never go wrong when you listen to yourself.

[@Lopezflies888]

It is really imposing of them to assume they are going to live in your house with you and your new baby, family. You have moved on. They may have just wanted to come to the States to come to the States and have a free place to stay. To me, she made her choice the day you were born.

[@yesicalll5061]

You are not in debt to your Biological mother you are grateful 🙏 for your parents who were there for you everyday of your life. Give thanks to God for your parents who raise you because you are a great person.

[@letasimionescu1410]

Am 75 de ani ,nu am nicio legatura cu adoptiile ,dar nu te invinovati pt ca ai refuzat mama biologica .Parinti sunt cei care te cresc ,te fac om ,care te iubesc .Tu ai fost data spre adoptie ,dar vad ca a mai facut copii si i-a pastrat langa ea ,deci are cine sa o ingrijeasca ,nu e nevoie sa te framanti tu pentru asta .Tu ai familia ta in State si trebuie sa o iubesti si sa fiti legati intre voi pentru totdeauna .Imbratisari din Romania !

[@trinapellegrino621]

This is what is in your heart ❤️ fallow your heart ❤️ don’t beat yourself up, time will work it out. I think you are part of a family that loves you,.,💖🕊🥀🍀 and. Find this all confusing in your heart ♥️

[@shawnmcquillan3874]

Go easy on yourself. It's hard to process all that❤️

[@roundthegumtree6846]

I'm glad you did what you felt right about. Its okay to process at your own speed and set boundaries for where your are at. I hope that my sons will handle things in a similar way should they ever choose to meet their birth family. Thank you for the example for them.

[@sand7854]

You did the right thing....its not easy to make such decisions....but you and your own new fam deserve a future.....if you take strangers like your birthmother you don't know.....its gone be a disaster.....just live your life and don't feel bad.....they have their own live .....you're gone be sorry to let them come.....good for U

[@paulk8195]

It's normal for adoptees to feel like they have to be loyal to their adoptive parents, but there is space to love both biologic and adoptive families. It's so important to communicate at what speed you feel comfortable with when connecting.

[@jaytycruz]

💕💕💕 so hard for you to articulate what you’re trying to say! It’s hard for you to try and process her pain when you have your own pain to deal with! You’re not cold, you don’t have to thank her for giving you life, you never asked to be born! Even as someone who is not adopted, 5 months postpartum, I was not up for any guests! Hugs to you xxx

[@shanabenjamin8945]

when you ready, you will be able to extend that hand of love and closeness. Self respect is a beautiful thing, well done on checking in with yourself first.

[@siameseire]

I respect you so much and am so glad you protected your self and your family!!!

[@lindapulizzi6494]

Your feelings going through this has to be hard for you, but do not feel any guilt. Your feelings going through has proven that you Adoptive family has given you a wonderful life. Surrounded you with love and happiness without you needing other support. You circle of Love is very strong and all you need. No apologies needed. God Bless you and your "True" family.

[@katharineharrison9091]

I see your pain. I hear your pain. And I whole heartedly agree with your position. Your relationship with your bio-mum is different and more complex than with your siblings and full of wounds. You would see her with the children that she kept. You would feel her wounds. You are a new mother and your adoptee feelings are sharpened and acute. As an adoptee I learned that the birth mother never matures past the age when she separated from you. For me I deal with a 17 year old who never got counselling. You may relate to that with your mother. Take care of your tender heart.

[@janedavis7223]

Her grief is probably deeper than you may be able to grasp but your position is understandable.

[@carolinemarch2626]

Your mom is the one who raised you. I too was adopted by my grandparents. I always knew who my biological mother was. I knew her as a sister. I call her mother. My children know her as nana Smith. Hoping maybe you will do another video update. Much love ❤️ from Canada 🍁.

[@51Saffron]

My son is adopted from China, and although it would be impossible, at this time, for him to find his biological parents, we have encouraged it for the near future. He said he has no interest, and that they would be strangers to him, and he feels secure at home. He is 20 now. He was abandoned, so unless his parents put out their DNA he would probably never know of them. Our daughter is adopted too from another country, and she also feels the same. What you are feeling is not that uncommon. Everyone is different. Both my children have told my husband and I that we are their "real" parents and they love us very much.

[@gabriellsbaby]

I totally understand where you are coming from, I thin it is a good thing that you honored your instinct and your heart. It isn’t your bordon to carry, you closed the circle with her and your bio siblings. You owe no one. Honoring your birth parents at a time when you are a new mother and they were new grandparents was a deep kindness. I think you made a perfect decision. I am the mother of a child who does not share my biology, I hope he never has to deal with that pull but I am prepared to be as supportive and understanding as I can be. I feel a deep love for his bio family, never met them but for me they are a parrot of him, he is my heart so they are my heart. .

[@annsorensen1606]

So glad you had a good life here with your family. Definitely a hard choice your birth mom made, I feel for both of you.

[@sarangilo]

At the end of the day, you should do what’s best for you and that’s what you did. Family does not have to be blood related, it’s the people around you and the ones that want you.

[@lindaruss3772]

You made the right decision for you! And bravo for seeing that your parents are the people who raised you and were there for you and built a life relationship with you.

[@lorettasmith8028]

You did the right thing...always follow your ❤

[@hmrhuang]

you do NOT owe anything to anyone in this life other than your love. your biological mother did what was right for her and you at that time years ago. but this is NOW. you take care of you!

[@hai-pingcheng9129]

You have right to do whatever feels right for you. Don‘t worry. You have our support. We understand you.

[@miaanslow7213]

You just needed time to process. You needed to accept what happened, have feelings for what happened, grieve, question and all else that goes with it. Wonderful you had great parents growing up. Maybe in time, you could contact your birth Mom/Sisters if you wish. No shame in either decision. You may find you can extend your family. Boundaries can also be in play. God Bless

[@gtankngeastgreen8424]

You're a loyal person and sincere retionship is important to you. Nothing to be ashamed or feel guilty about. God bless.