Lies we tell ourselves about our clutter | Overcoming barriers to minimalism

[@vivian9803]

Guilt is paralyzing to decluttering. Instead of thinking I’m “getting rid of things,” I view it as “paying things forward.”

[@ElinLesser]

Love that! Great point.

[@MelindaPlainandSimple]

The "lie" I tell myself is: "You can make something out of this." I NEVER end up doing whatever project I imagined---whether it's sewing, crafting, repurposing, or whatever---and yet I still fall for the lie. Last year, before I started decluttering, I found some old sheets in my basement that I'd kept to use as tarps when I paint. And then I found MORE old sheets that I'd saved to use as tarps. And then MORE. (I don't remember what I was searching for at the time, but it wasn't old sheets.) I ended up with so many I decided I could also crochet a rug. I ordered crochet hooks online (this was during lockdown) and while I waited for them to arrive I watched videos to learn how to crochet a rug (I don't even know how to crochet with yarn, much less ripped up sheet fabric...). Needless to say, I never did make a rug. I didn't even WANT a rug! I finally put the bin of sheets back in the basement, because OF COURSE I might change my mind, and since I have the crochet hooks and I paid money for those, I should hang onto the sheets just in case I do...and there's still the painting to do. (Rabbit hole, anybody!!!) Well...I'm finally getting around to the painting now (much easier since I've been decluttering), but I didn't bother going to the basement to look for the bin sheets that I didn't label, because of course I would remember which one it was. I started decluttering my whole house on December 31. When I find that bin of sheets, they are leaving my house. I don't want to hear one more word from myself about the many uses of old sheets. Maybe I can gift the crochet hooks to somebody. Climbing out of the rabbit hole now...

[@justineharper3346]

I feel your pain. I have saved so many articles of old clothing because I think I can use the fabric to make something. I don’t even sew. 😂

[@MelindaPlainandSimple]

@@justineharper3346 😂

[@kimberlyhannemann7026]

@@MelindaPlainandSimple Many Animal shelters use old sheets and blankets!

[@vivianhudacek1556]

We were obviously separated at birth! :)

[@MelindaPlainandSimple]

@@vivianhudacek1556 😂🌼🎂🌼😂

[@wendykircher6490]

Giving a very expressive purse to a friend felt amazing. She had no idea how much I paid for it, she couldn't imagine it. I didn't tell her. She had just complimented it many times. So I loved giving it to her!

[@malazkarar1171]

That's a great gesture ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@maisway6527]

I know what you mean. I had this beautiful new(ish) purse long ago that i gave to this lady next to me who complimented my bag. I emptied out the contents and gave it to her right there and then. Her eyes were wide open and shocked! It felt so free to give.

[@anthony-dc4dc]

that is so beautiful. very inspiring. thank you

[@ginaoelkers5670]

p

[@judylloyd7901]

I'm presuming you meant "expensive" rather than expressive!? 😳🤔

[@joannafoster3423]

Lie: this item is part of my identity.... books, movies, collectibles, etc. Truth: our identity lies within us, not in our possessions.

[@ElinLesser]

Love this one!!

[@TheWaterlou25]

This is what I struggle most with

[@Marsolan]

Great video!! Very thoughtful and kind and very helpful!! I am currently looking at $3000.00 worth of surround sound equipment that we splurged on 5-7 years ago and we did not install it. It's in still in boxes. My friend who is knowledgeable in this said that the technology is old and we could get $200 for it by trying to sell.. Wow, so much money that we work extremely hard for is down the drain. I am not a good seller. I will donate. These were bought with the IDEA that we will listen to the music throughout the house. We never do. Such a fantasy purchase. So I pulled it out of storage, put it in the middle of the hallway and said : its time to make a decision. I made mine, but I still have to work with my family members to let it go. The main argument I will have to overcome with them: we spend so much money. So your video is just on time. Thank you for your hard work!!!

[@KM-nq7ez]

I have also made sooooo many fantasy purchases, fantasy purchases for a fantasy life that I never created. So much money wasted

[@orangepets]

Please forgive yourself. We've all done versions of this.

[@LorreneRomanic]

I was just thinking today, that there are certain items that I received as gifts from family or friends, and I *do* think of them every time I see the items. But, if the items were gone, I don't think I'd miss the items. I have other things that remind me of those people. But I still feel a little guilty getting rid of that type of thing. Also when you mentioned shampoo, etc. that you don't like, and struggle with letting go because it seems wasteful. It reminded me of the first decluttering person I heard of (Flylady) and she said to use it to swish your toilet bowl to keep it clean. Then it isn't going to waste. It's helpful to think outside the box when thinking of ways to use the things we have so that they don't go to waste. But ultimately, if we can't use it, it should go 😃

[@christinebeames2311]

Hi I took photos of things with attachment , then let them go to someone who would use them

[@Christinamychas]

This was super helpful to think of these barriers to decluttering - all so true!

[@ElinLesser]

Thanks so much, Christina! Means a lot coming from you :)

[@Emjadchris]

2. Wasteful to get rid of it- this is the hardest for me.. I have been given so much from family and so I hate to just “get rid of it”. I tend to hold onto it until I find someone to pass the blessing to. I end up with so much more stress by holding onto items.. I am working on dropping items at a donation center when I declutter right away. Lowering my inventory has made my daily tasks so much easier. Thanks for another great video!!

[@ElinLesser]

It’s so hard! Glad I’m not alone. And that’s an awesome approach!

[@msmander87]

I always get in the mindset of "someone else can use this item more than me" or "I wasn't using this thing anyway." Sometimes it's hard when I had something a lot time.

[@akikokina1732]

wow thank you for the great contents! my favorite from this video is " wasteful is already happened" 😆 and "be mindful of what you bring to life." lesson learned🙏🏻

[@bex438]

Thanks for sharing this, I found it really interesting and relaxing to watch and I recognised some of these lies in my own decluttering journey, in fact only today I kept repeatedly questioning whether I wanted/needed 2 items that I thought I wanted to declutter picking them up and then putting them down only to pick them back up again and again and half telling myself that I'll use them now - This continued until I realised that the amount of questioning I was doing was a sign I should just let them go as I know instantaneously which things I truly love and value without questioning them at all.

[@helenebedar7636]

# 4. To reassure you; there is ALWAYS someone who will benefit from an item you do not wish to keep; let them decide (it may dress someone who cannot afford to have this piece new!)...you feel so much better and, you are kind to others! :)) #6. The difference is that...while you are not using an item; you take it away from someone who..would! ;) I do agree with everything you said. We have to love & to respect one self enough to be...true to one self! You are generous for saying out loud what many think ...it helps to keep our passion/decision on...and/or to encourage others who are attracted in that direction!!! Bravo!!

[@andreaandmattence9666]

I read a book about hoarding a few years ago called Buried in Treasures. It listed many mental blocks people have to decluttering. I have a hard time getting rid of items because I worry too much about them finding just the right home or I get to sentimentally attached.

[@sundoesshine8800]

Book sounds perfect. Our families' hoard is antiques - that they "sell".

[@plynn136]

Sounds like the tape running over and over in my head LOL.

[@kaycee625]

Thats one of the biggest things that I continually think about. Where is the right place to gift each item. It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting but I can’t seem to switch it off.

[@valiaudet3415]

@@kaycee625 in lockdown I'm stuck not being able to get rid of things. The lockdown got me started on decluttering. I have so much I dont want to go to landfill

[@inspiredby624]

@@kaycee625 one of the easiest ways to get rid of items is to put them on craigslist or facebook marketplace etc. as free for pick up. Where I live it's also gotten pretty common to simply put cardboard boxes with items on the curb and people passing by can just take whatever they need but I'm not sure if this would work in other places

[@olivemaycards]

Ugh, I am well familiar with all of these! Another point to the idea of guilt in the long run vs short term - if you feel angst about what you should do about an item every time you see it, decluttering will mean that you feel the angst for the last time. Keeping it for 5 or 20 more years just means more angst sessions! We are deep in a massive household declutter with an older relative whose wife had a shopping problem and whose family always associated stuff with love. It’s overwhelming how much stuff a house can hold, and most of it is (or was) good stuff. Yesterday we saw 4 massive container ships in the bay outside his house, waiting to unload more imported STUFF at our ports, and looking around we just couldn’t believe we don’t already have far more than we need…

[@katfangtastic1420]

Omg, it's like somebody went inside my head and wrote out the thought process that I've gone through hundreds of times 😅. I'm currently in the middle of ANOTHER massive decluttering round and I'm hoping this one will finally be the last one, the one where I learn to let go of all of my "just in case" junk - whether it be crafts, hobbies, clothing, kitchen stuff.. I've held on to so many fantasy self items that even if I wanted to do all of the things, it just would not be physically possible!! Thank you for a very useful reminder and a kick in the butt 😊

[@tw418]

The stuff you own, owns you

[@gusmonster59]

Not if you don't let it. I have stuff I love. Could I get rid of it? Yup. But it brings me joy so it stays.

[@johnyang1420]

Fight Club!!!!

[@trishmitchell4548]

Great video, thank you. Kindly and compassionately put across. After a day spent bumping into some of these excuses during a declutter, this was very helpful. 🌸

[@ElinLesser]

I’m so glad! Thanks for the kind comment, and best of luck with the decluttering!!

[@anjanarao3527]

I am practicing minimalism everyday since I came to know about this a few months before. Love our planet. Love today's post.💚

[@CoreySchmick444]

I get a sense of comfort from what I have around me. I am an artist and I do a lot of projects, have an Etsy shop etc. So having a lot of materials around is a good thing for me. I will admit that I do fall into these traps though with things that I will never end up using and then they do just take up space. But as an artist I don't know if I could be a minimalist! I think if I had a dedicated garage for my shop it would be a lot easier, future goals! Thanks for sharing your mindsets!

[@lyaadonara1386]

My husband is an artist & I am struggling to convince him to let go certain things (old paintings, brushes that I think are too old, glue, cloth etc etc.). He always thinks he will finally use them (& sometimes it's true. So, maybe adjust the mindset to our personal life is the best way. Be flexible on certain area is ok.

[@kathyesargent9088]

Give your things to people you know. Tell them they can’t use them pass them on. I have been thanked two years later for a bunch a clothes I gave someone. One was a fluffy robe and we when through some very cold weather this winter and her Mom took a picture and thanked me for giving to her daughter. That makes you feel happy.

[@sweetpeace5]

But that can be unfair in many circumstances; it’s called foisting😁I guess..know your recipients situation.

[@moongal456]

Great advice and insight into holding on to things and letting go of things

[@corinna_maybe]

Loved today's video, t's so on point. You really have a knack for reflecting on your reactions and feelings, as well as analysing and generalising them for your audience. Always looking forward to your creations. :)

[@saychi5043]

It isn't waste if it gets tossed (any more than it is already waste), because it isn't used, either way, whether it's stored in your home or in a landfill.

[@Sobermama927]

This is such a good point

[@jonawesolowski-thecommunit9968]

These are good suggestions. The one about but I spent so much on it, I should keep it-. Hit home big time. Thank you

[@neonpinkflurrydog]

Thank you for this video. I've been listening to it on repeat while I clean out every closet. I have so much guilt around stuff my parents have given us, but it's just crap we don't need. I'm overwhelmed with the amount of inventory that we have in our house. This stuff has got to go!

[@MyGoldloeckchen]

Yes! This really resonated with me! I get so much crap from my parents 🙈

[@pompom2025]

First time I've watched your channel-- this is a random comment---and saw you playing violin! 🙂 I've played my entire life and have taught public school orchestra for 17 yrs.

[@OTLMAKES]

Great video! I am trying to work out how all of this stuff got into my house in the first place. I am putting a limit on gifts from family. I usually tell everyone that I like candles. When I do need to buy something I will put it on a shopping list and after a week or so I will buy/thrift it. I have a weakness for table linens and collecting white milk glass. I started to resell on a platform to part with some of my collection. I have put on a little weight during covid and have had to thrift for bigger clothing. I am having a hard time parting with my smaller clothes. I have them in my closet to remind myself to get the extra weight off. My goal is to donate or sell the clothes if I can't get into them by the end of the year.

[@devika2527]

Good points well made. Thank you!

[@johannabjorkell4226]

This was a really good thoughtful video on minimalism. I’ve been on the journey for 4 years now. Fumio Sasakis book is the best. Just stumbled upon your video in my feed (from watching too many minimalism videos, fo’ sho’) Greetings from Finland! 🇫🇮

[@ElinLesser]

Thanks so much!! And yeah, that book is so good. Greetings from MN!

[@johannabjorkell4226]

I forgot to mention I am an ex MN, Blue Earth 4E ❤️😊

[@iamjane9628]

Ah-ha! You live in Minnesota -me too. I am watching this a couple weeks late, so it is much nicer outside today than it was when you posted the video. I am going to get outside today after being cooped up in the house for weeks. I used the hot days indoors to do some more decluttering in my home. Lie #2 is a tough one for me. I feel so bad about the impact all our "stuff" has on the environment. I have learned to bring much less in to my life, so that there is less to feel bad about getting rid of in the future! I like the clip of you playing your violin in this video! It inspired my to practice today! :)

[@TRU3IND33D]

Needed this, thank you so much!

[@cin4195]

The guilt and faster track to minimalism can start a person on more meaningful/ less purchases sooner than later. The longer it takes to reach a comfortable click point, the more objects can find their way in to the home in the meantime and delay the goal of ideal personal minimalism.

[@Margo714P]

Hello fellow Minnesotan. I was out weeding before it got too hot this morning. It almost was, even at 9 am!

[@sush.8526]

You point out some very good points.

[@kaleneification]

Great video! I love how you laid things out. Subscribed :)

[@ElinLesser]

Yay! Thank you!

[@isadorasmiles9339]

Really liked this video and a lot of points resonated with me. I would love a video on any minimalism type of books you’ve liked

[@Fannin7]

I really need to declutter family photos without tossing most of them. I'm wanting to organize and move them to some kind of books that make the most of the space.

[@jillgroth]

I had always wished I kept photo albums through the years but didn’t. So this year I sorted all photos & put into Iris photo cases-twelve 4x6 plastic cases in one larger case. I made general categories that fit our lives in no particular order within the smaller cases. I have several of these big cases-one for each family member-as we have lots of photos. Now they are accessible & fun for everyone to go through. I also have a 5x7 case for each of us & a couple 8x10s. After doing this I realized the cases take much less space than all the albums would have & are archival-safe. Now to go through & write names on the backs of the photos!

[@yopatricio1391]

One day I went on a rampage... grabbed all photos in the house, cases, albums, frames, drawers, whatever... put them in one place, tossed every possible frame or conteiner and sorted them into a relative small box. They will be homogenized in some chronological album in the future, but now I know where they are, and most important, not taking useful space.

[@jillgroth]

@@yopatricio1391 a good start!!

[@StarsHollow214]

@@jillgroth great idea!

[@01baia]

I'm much better now! But the biggest lies I would tell myself were the ones about how I was "going to" become a new and different person! This new person would be a fabulous entertainer! So I really would NEED all those dishes, platters, serving bowls! This new person would also be an amazingly productive crafter! Unlike the real me, who loves certain crafts, but has many UFOs (un-finished objects) and certainly does NOT get things done at lightning speed! Also (isn't she amazing - this new me!) I would become so responsible for caring for my skin and would wear full make-up every day. So I NEEDED all those skin products, all those make-up items, all that beauty equipment.

[@01baia]

About two years ago, I realised I was already sixty seven years old. The time for this "new me" to emerge may have been over-looked! Nothing in my life suggested I would ever become the "new me". And I did not regret that in any way. I did have pangs discarding some things - that lovely set of one dozen ruby glass dessert dishes for example. But now, having decluttered at least three times, I do not miss anything I let go. I'm much happier accepting the "real me" instead of my fantasy me that I always thought I should be.

[@damnbro_idc]

I am about to move in a month and I am decluttering and I have accumulated so many beauty products like hair removal cream and some makeup so I literally started using them today. Did a face of makeup, I have smooth legs, I will finish it and never buy it again. Also I hate samples. Like creams. I don't use it. Its so small and I genuinely don't need it. I started to put all the little cream samples in an old cream container and I use it for my hands because many of them are not even good for my face

[@Kira-uo5lh]

Thank you very much! The main cause that doesn’t permit me to declutter is the lie number 2 about the waste. Thanks to your video I succeded to throw some things today, That I cannot either sell or donate 🤦‍♀️

[@ruthmanor70]

I have a dear friend who loves to shop at Goodwill stores wherever she goes. She always picks up "prisoners" to bring to me. She says they're not gifts, but we can do a "prisoner exchange". I love the idea that she thinks of me and what I enjoy, but to be honest, I no longer have room for any more "prisoners" and have gently let her know that I'm decluttering my house room by room. She has taken the hint and only brings me one item occasionally, but I need to make a decision about all the other "prisoners" I no longer want or need. It's hard because my friend's heart was in the selection of these items just for me.

[@kellycook4347]

Get rid of the prisoners that don't make you happy. Only keep a few. My Mom would buy me clothes that she wanted me to wear (pink!). I would put them in the donate bag with the tags on sometimes. Or, wear it once around her. She finally stopped buying useless items for me in my 40s. We can't keep things that don't work for our lives. That is just junk.

[@teri8964]

If you no longer want a "prisoner," just acknowledge that the "prisoner" was not given a life sentence. It's served its time and should be paroled or set free!! No guilt! Problem solved! Lol

[@Mary-ui4im]

Everything you say is true. 🌞

[@VagabondAnne]

Honestly I found it very satisfying to have garage sales, and just sell that stuff super cheap. If someone else pays even a tiny bit of money for it, its more likely to get used than if I donate it.

[@jeanniestaller797]

Items that remind me of something I have to do. How about major maintenance and smaller updates on my house! Get rid of my house? Lol

[@lizzabbott]

Lovely ! Your videos are so insightful & helpful. Peaceful, & practical. Thank you for helping me to be more aware of these lies we often tell ourselves during a declutter. Yep esp ( for me) that 1st one & the “sunk cost” one.... Oh that last 1: “WILL it make a difference if I purge this 1 item?”. I often stop & ask myself that ( still!) ! Happily, I’ve been at this long enough to know that, YES ! It all adds up & makes a difference ! Woo hoo ! Your space is gorgeous & inspiring ! I am so happy for you that decluttering has freed you up now to play your violin more ! What’s a favorite song of yours to play ? Love & best wishes from Liz in Buffalo, NY

[@leoren2685]

Having watched many decluttering videos, I am really aghast at how easily people put stuff in a bag and "donate it"!! And feel that this is a happy outcome. It is for the decluttering person, but it's just dumping their bad choices etc. on donation centers (who will often junk a big proportion of it), or just throw it out into landfills. Americans are SOOOOO wasteful! I don't think it's such a "win" unless you really make a good effort to find a decent home for things that have use. So this video struck me as just an excuse people need to "just junk stuff!!! It doesn't matter!!!" It does matter if you are throwing things that have use.

[@nnnnn1610]

I'm in the process of decluttering. It's been a bumpy road. I've lost count of the amount of times Ive sat on the floor looking at my things thinking I'm doing the wrong thing, who am I without it (it's mainly cardmaking stuff, an over decade long hobby).. really though, should I be asking myself who will I be without stamps, card and pens!? I started two weeks ago, maybe three, I've lost count(!), I've spent days packing, selling, worrying I've made a mistake listing or with an address.. getting fed up with rude people (I had a horrible woman collect something), it's made me snappy, impatient, worried I've no time for other things, people.. Then I took a break. I went for a walk and realised how peaceful, quiet and how much like myself I felt - a reminder I am doing the right thing. I want to be stress free, have time for moments, not sticking things on card that people will only throw away after the event anyway (that's no to say ppl who enjoy making cards shouldn't do it, I'm just leaving it behind). I'm so glad it's going. I have a long way to go, I've done round one with my wardrobe, I have piles of "for sale".. in the end I'll likely donate it so someone else can enjoy it. I've sold and donated gifts, it can make you feel bad. My dad is always buying me things I don't need, just because it was on sale, he's always done it and I've ended up with the guilt of it.. in the end I've said no, "Thank you for thinking of me but I just won't use it". I know that's harsh, but I just can't take the guilt anymore and while saying it makes me feel like crap, I hope that it puts a stop to it.. he did actually ask me if I wanted something *before* just buying it, which was a massive step forward.. I hope it lasts! I hate him wasting his money on me. It's easy to see the negatives when faced with the piles of stuff, money wasted, time spent on it.. You just have to remind yourself of the good that will come from it going and the lessons learned- it's not all a waste x

[@laminage]

I donated alot of stuff like Books, Jewelry, and the like. It feels good and I found out to my embarrassment I had more than One Book, CD-Rom or DVD focusing on The Same Subject learning to play Piano as well as Books.

[@elfje9036]

Trying to declutter and telling yourself that it would be a waste to throw away a hobbymaterial. When you are more decluthered, you will have time to use it.

[@elizarodriguez2876]

I was my mom's caregiver, attempting to toss out stained, damaged or things that no longer fit her was nearly impossible she always resorted to "I can sleep in it" lol I usually resort to donating because reselling clothes takes longer than a thrift shop haul, I'm sorry😕

[@cultureal9544]

Having a bday bash for 3 people's special day, and making them bring 5 items unopened new to giveaway as prizes for games. We are expecting about 25 people.

[@krisie1649]

Random but Her sofa is soooo cute !

[@SaiTeadvuse]

The first one is right on point today for me aahhahah

[@TheAfterWorkChannel]

Such a great video. I feel attacked but also... I totally needed to hear this haha!

[@franzimng]

Could u make a roomtour? Find that very motivating🥰😍

[@ElinLesser]

Thanks for the idea! I may do that at some point :)

[@alessandraferrara240]

Could l please ask you where is your sofa from? Thank you

[@gracewaterlilly8023]

Hi, does anyone have any ideas or advice on living with a maximalist while being/striving to be a minimalist ? I want to be really respectful with my partners things but his stuff/clutter drives me nuts. I'll be so happy about any advice, thank you :)

[@cultureal9544]

Show him/her how a space is already filled, it is useful to just have space. Ask him/her if some objects are junk.

[@gracewaterlilly8023]

@@cultureal9544 Amazing, thank you !

[@upnorth316]

When I get stumped on an item, I ask these three things: 1. How would I feel if this item spontaneously combusted? So often, it's relief! 2. What could I use instead of this item? 3. What do I GAIN by ridding myself of this item?

[@twilde3754]

Here's my lie, or rather, reason I don't get rid of things I need to get rid of: "I'm planning on selling that." I've got 2 garbage bags full of clothes that have yet to go to the thrift store because I want to "try and make some money by selling them first." GRRRRRRRR!!!

[@Itallnew]

Been there! Selling stuff is honestly more work than it’s worth. Just donate and let it go.

[@cultureal9544]

Oh you have added to your own stress with more to do list!

[@ladybird491]

If I haven't used it in the last 30 days, other than books, it gets put out my house. 🤣 It took me many months to get 40% of MY useless stuff out of my house. My family wants to keep waste, and it's making me want to bail on them. I can't stand keeping waste or clutter yet they don't seem to mind. I have a room I stay in that I totally decluttered, and I stay in that room because all other rooms has clutter that my family want get rid of. 🙄

[@kimchapman2210]

Valuable

[@homemakingwithdenise]

I tell myself I will start using it. That’s the biggest one. Hmmmmm.

[@Cat-ik1wo]

I just moved into a top floor apartment up qnd down the stairs qll day long for 7 days straight. Again I wonder why U have so much stuff. I am so annoyed with myself. What I really want to do is have a bonfire! I was thinking how I should just live and have camping stuff.

[@juliagrun7812]

When I tell myself I would be wasteful when I want to throw something Away, I remember myself that it can be at least recyled that Way (for example old school papers). It is more waste to keep them unused. I also like your idea that eventually someone has to get rid of it anyway after my death.

[@beckyowens8232]

You said the first one, and I belly laughed. So on the nose. Such a lie.

[@japonesa5186]

My Mom doesn’t understand how to stop giving me “gifts” 😩😩😩

[@Sophie-kn3gh]

👍

[@garyforbespianist]

De-Clutter Judge: So Mr. Forbes, how do you plead? Me: Guilty Your Honor, very guilty. De-Clutter Judge: And to what charges? Me: All of the above. De-Clutter Judge: Mr. Forbes, I sentence you to write "Liar, Liar - Pants on Fire" 100x by tomorrow morning.

[@yopatricio1391]

I come from a dinasty of hoarders. It took me years to get rid and sell all the clutter and real estate purchased to just use as deposit. Now I am a millionaire. Lol. Just kidding of course.