Life Update April 2021: Relapse into a Depressive Episode | BIPOLAR BARBIE

Welcome to My Crazy Life!!! ! A video diary of my daily life unflitered & unedited. Promoting Mental Health Awareness by documenting my struggles & triumphs as I navigate the murky waters of recovery & Uh just life! Giving an identity to the often forgotten or missunderstood brave warriors of the "invisible illness". Join my army as we fight & battle the war inside our minds. Find comfort in my laid back company. Voicing lived learnt lessons about life. True reflections. Fact not fiction.
Sharing my inner dialogue out loud about lifes journey with:
Bipolar Disorder Type 2
Generalised Anxiety Disorder ( GAD )
Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder ( PMDD )
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD )
Low Latent Inhibition ( LLI )
Complex PTSD
Compounding Trauma
Psychological Abuse Survivor
Drug & Alcohol Abuse
Qualification? LIVED EXPERIENCE!!
Hi I'm Bipolar Barbie,
Mental Health Advocate-Motivational Speaker-Artist-Author-Fashion Designer
My Motto "Get real or go home"
I believe in being the change you want to see in the world and leading by example. When people ask me why i talk so openly and honestly about Mental Health I simply reply "it never occured to me NOT too!"
With years of psychotherapy including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy ( CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy ( DBT ) under the guidance of qualified clinical psychologists who specialise in mood and personality disorders my knowledge on these conditions has grown. Consultations with a range of mental health professionals including nurses, psychiatrists, social workers, personal helpers and multiple psych ward admissions have helped piece together a recovery plan that works for me. Battling the war inside my head for so long has made me dedicate my life to spreading awareness about the "Invisible Illness" to promote a better understanding of the life inside my mind.
Hoping to change the face of mental health by giving others the words to express their own unique journeys and life stories. Blogging the way to a better would being an ambassador for positive change.
INSTAGRAM: @the_bipolar_barbie
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FACEBOOK: / thebipolarbarbie
TWITTER: @bipolarbarbieau
SNAPCHAT: mycrazydays
GET THE LOOK!: www.attitudeapparel.com.au
Much love to all the warriors out their battling their own demons!

[@mariasantosa9878]

You are the shit my friend 💯 been watching since ur old LLi videos and those made me feel understood when I was in a dark place 💗💗💗 much love

[@Shines-On]

I really hope you are in a good place now. Please please do some more videos!!! I don’t have Bipolar but I do have BPD and there is a lot of things that we both seem to struggle with. Like the FATIGUE!!! “I have mad resistance in like doing anything.” I couldn’t have said it better!!! Girl, I feel you. We are all on a journey in this life. And our journey is our own. It’s unique and I think it makes us more compassionate. I also think that we see so many ppl on TV and/or social media and these ppl are doing SO MUCH on top of looking fantastic!!! We have to remember that they struggle with things too, they just don’t talk about it or show us. That’s why I love your channel. You are real and authentic! You are incredibly brave for even having a channel where you tell us what is really happening to you. So you ARE doing something! You are helping ppl!! That’s enough in my book. You are needed!!! I get so much from your videos. I have always been an overachiever too. I was also a perfectionist. So when I started to get depression, my house went from super clean to, well, not. It just made my depression worse because I was like, “what the hell is going on?” Zoloft has helped especially with my OCD. If I go without it, I just cry and can’t stop. I can relate to almost everything thing you said in this video! Showers, yeah, I go sometimes 7 to 10 days without showering. I can’t even explain why. Before I started dealing with mental illness, I showered everyday and would put on a whole face of makeup and then curl my hair. Every day! Even if I knew I was just staying home. You would have never caught me going outside without looking the best I could. Btw, both my parents were/are narcissists. So I HAD to look good ALL THE TIME! Because they never saw me as my own person, they always saw me as an extension of themselves. I finally had to go No Contact with them. And that has been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through thus far!!! And I’ve been through A LOT!! Because I was so enmeshed with them. But all I was getting were crumbs. I relapsed probably 5 times. I would go months without talking to them and I was feeling better so I would break down and call them. Then get triggered and the fallout was hell. But I’m done trying to get love out of 2 stones. They don’t know how to love. They both grew up in dysfunctional households so it just continued into our family. Because they only cared about themselves, on top of my mom being an alcoholic, and my dad, well when he was home, he was checked out. Learned later that he had/has PTSD from the Vietnam war. But nothing was ever explained to me, so I just assumed I was the problem. So I was very neglected. Not just at home but also neglected by my babysitter that took “care” of me since I was 6 months old until I turned 11. She had her own kids and a few more toddlers she was watching. And that’s why I think I stopped taking care of myself. Maybe my subconscious was/is telling me, “If your parents didn’t care about you, you must be trash.” It’s a real mind fuck!!! I’m so sorry this is so long but I think it’s important to tell because it might help someone else. I know that other ppls comments sometimes have a lasting impact on me. Good impacts. Don’t worry so much about your age and what ppl expect from you. You have a very real mental illness. Just take care of yourself, that’s what is the most important thing you can do! Thank you for uploading this. I really needed to hear it. ❤ love and hugs to your brave and beautiful soul. I’d love to get in contact with you. I honestly think we could help each other!!! I am older than you (so I do have more wisdom than I used to) but I have the mindset of a 30 year old. Probably because I was addicted to pain killers for 10 years and it really stunted my mental state. Anyway, thanks again! And I hope you will post something soon. Much love, Vanessa.

[@Katie333Jane]

This is the best best way I've heard "bipolar depression" described. Spot on and just where I am right now!

[@4thelement011]

Nice to hear from you. Hang in there. I’m currently on the same boat. Just lost my job along with my jobs health insurance plan. I’m frightened to relapse into a manic episode following depression.

[@hereinhergarden]

Sending you love and hoping this passes soon.

[@BioagtiveCalvin]

good to hear your not gone forever

[@Stefan.n]

I'm glad you are back, you are a voice of reason! Also I was thinking of you, glad you still are doing well with your coping mechanics

[@joeadler5379]

Bipolar Barbie. I have bipolar 1 I'm very psychotic. I prescribed asenapine I can't tolerate this medicine because of the sedation. Also I take lamotrigine like you take. I use amphetamines and alcohol. To treat my bipolar 1 antipsychotics help me but the side effects are so horrifically. Especially asenapine with akinesia and being hungover from it. I love your content and you're discussing your struggle with bipolar. Keep up the good work my Austy sister.

[@Zudhg]

Hugs and love hon. It’s been sooo long since we’ve caught up.

[@Zudhg]

❤️

[@briza2022]

I feel identified. I am diagnosed with anxiety and bipolar disorder. So when I feel tired it usually happens after many things were overloading my head and stresses me out. Like a burntout. But then if I do gardening or something I love tooo much then I never stop, kind of obssess about it. Then I ask myself... Did I take my pill? Oh shhh! 😁 But still the pills don't cure, it relieves my pain from my emotional life. Much love 💕⭐ love your videos. All the best 🐬 wishing you a properous year.❤

[@paper3691]

Another good video, you always make good videos. I’m sorry to hear about the emotional despair you’re experiencing right now. Stopping one medication and coming off another in a small window of time was always going to be difficult, as I hope you were informed. I wonder if you have seen Professor Ivor Browne’s presentation on KZbin “Excerpts from Prof. Ivor Browne Presentation” (from 5:14 to 6:05). With your personal experience, do you think he could be right about the connection between antidepressants and “bipolar”? Thank you.

[@lore9446]

Darling... you helped me A LOT when I must need it!!! You are a light for a lot of people, like me, in Mexico City. I know depression and how suicide thoughts arise... but I also know we should look for help when we need it, and that depression is a consequence of a chemical unbalance in our brains.. and also of circumstances around us. Things that have solutions. In Mexico is quite common when people say “échale ganas” to someone with depression. This expression means that you have to fight depression with all your strength... I find it absurd. But what I do tell you is that we are here, like it or not, and that we must try to live as easy as we can... help from good professionals is a great solution... but also your determination to stay easy and cool. In my darkest moments I took refuge in my biggest passion. So, submerge yourself in something that makes you happy and gives you peace. For me, as weird as it might sound is World War II in Europe. Do you know something? while being hospitalized, for depression, we used to hear someone crying... but we never found her... when I told that to my physician, he told me: imagine if you kill yourself and you stay here suffering... without being able to speak with someone who can really help you...that freaked me out! So, when you feel like killing yourself, imagine what if you end up suffering more without being able to overcome what in fact is just an episode of solvable depression... that idea has also refrained me from killing myself. Darling you are really a light!!! And you are stronger than you think. So, anytime you fall again do not get desperate... just enjoy your passion... relax... and I assure you everything will be ok. Lots of love and hugs from Aztec soil! God bless you!!! I have faith in you!

[@sweetluvgurl]

I’ve been in a deep depression for quite a few months now. It’s really hard. I was doing a bit better last summer and kinda getting stuff done.