i'm probably at least several hundred of the views on here. i keep coming back to this as my gold standard of what can be made with modular.
@lxfmsound62115 жыл бұрын
Halvves couldnt agree more
@Lightbath5 жыл бұрын
FYI, this piece is making an appearance on a cassette this summer. Keep an eye on my Bandcamp 🖖
@emilyelenaelson3 жыл бұрын
This is so reminiscent of something from Aphex Twin - Selected Ambient Works. Excellent setup and sound!
@raftingrafting84377 жыл бұрын
1:24 *adjusts crystal*
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
lololololol - aligning the energies ✨
@brian25906 жыл бұрын
Are the crystals used as entropy sources?
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
Quite the contrary. Principles of structure. You hear how that change of alignment really ties the room together?
@slothperson786 жыл бұрын
*Patrick voice* ARE LIGHT SHARDS AN INSTRUMENT
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
Yes, but they’re too fast for human ears.
@fahrigonzo5 жыл бұрын
This is amazing...... that conga tho!!!!!!!!
@Lightbath5 жыл бұрын
Ha. Yes. I know. I was blown away when I added that delay to Plonk. It all just snapped into place.
@PnPModular4 жыл бұрын
Beautiful performance.. so gentle and calm.. rings true in my soul thanks
@touchesouffle20366 жыл бұрын
Just finding this now in the beginnings of my modular synth journey. Thank you
@zacharyharris4384 жыл бұрын
Wow. When he was changing the polyrhythm on the drum module......so dope!!!!
@foxillator7146 жыл бұрын
i think youve sold me on getting plonk. that percussion is awesome :D
@YannGuillermou6 жыл бұрын
I think this one's my fave Lightbath
@demagmusic7 жыл бұрын
Nice movement throughout the piece. Very soothing tones
@PlutoniumSlums6 жыл бұрын
Such a beautiful machine
@threefourninetyfour6 жыл бұрын
My fav synth track of all time.
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
🤗
@MrBangen20127 жыл бұрын
This was beautiful
@DivKid7 жыл бұрын
lovely stuff
@amar_paul10 ай бұрын
Simply gorgeous ❤
@motoboy66667 жыл бұрын
Insane, just insane.
@MarcoLongoMusic6 жыл бұрын
Amazing. It makes me think of Oddworld for some reason
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
Thanks. The game, right? I only play Nintendo, so I haven’t heard.
@MarcoLongoMusic6 жыл бұрын
Lightbath yep. It's an old ps1 game with an incredible atmosphere and an hypnotic soundtrack. It's worth check it out if you have the chance (but stay the hell away from the remaster). Also,
@Ellende5 жыл бұрын
No forgiveness needed for this one
@Quantumspace237 жыл бұрын
Is it truly okay to be left speechless or be bereft of thought following this kind of encounter? I'm in awe.
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
🙏🏼
@Quantumspace237 жыл бұрын
I've now listened to and watched this more than a few times and will hope the universe compels you to create longer pieces :)
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
💚 💚 💚 - thank you for the support. I really appreciate the heartfelt direction on what to explore next ✊🏼
@lucasyoung64327 жыл бұрын
love the sounds and the crystals are cool too
@jukkakoops7 жыл бұрын
Superb as always, feeds strong visuals into my brain
@VinylTribe4 жыл бұрын
So good feel in music
@ALLImakessounds3 жыл бұрын
Wow, just discovered this. Beautiful and inspiring, thank you!
@losthollow34597 жыл бұрын
Simply beautiful work sir
@carycrank7 жыл бұрын
Awesome patch. Kria seems to be very inspirating!! And you have a new follower!!
@patrickpetro9437 жыл бұрын
This is just beautiful...
@Lewis67 жыл бұрын
Wonderful atmosphere!
@jvandelius7 жыл бұрын
just gorgeous!
@dancoffeyuk6 жыл бұрын
Wow, this is really nice, the percussion was hypnotic, very inspiring stuff thanks.
@benjaminmauch_7 жыл бұрын
Amazing setup and amazing sounds.
@weaselhack7 жыл бұрын
really beautiful
@tarifanocturnajazz75646 жыл бұрын
Nice, that's a good demo to wach what yu ca do.
@AdnanAlsannaa7 жыл бұрын
Love it. Very serene
@dhmacdonald86056 жыл бұрын
Really beautiful. Thank you.
@ciaranmoloney33155 жыл бұрын
Really liked this dude, good job :)
@triggerbuilder7 жыл бұрын
nice energy here :) continue
@Fluidstructure7 жыл бұрын
Superb!
@nautilus90155 жыл бұрын
Wonderful
@insomniamachine84527 жыл бұрын
Awesome! As a noob, I really wanna know how to start modular synthesis (what to buy and how to learn 'em).
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Thanks. Well, stay tuned because this Winter I'll be starting to make tutorial videos in tandem with a Patreon launch. And I also offer one-on-one Skype lessons (for techniques and compositional approaches) and consulting (for system design and module choice). PM me for more info 🖖
@nefaco7 жыл бұрын
So good ...
@JAdeWii_7 жыл бұрын
Must.. have.. PLONK
@jaeryan13377 жыл бұрын
Dawless Jammin' or 2 lol
@robotboot7 жыл бұрын
sounds great
@Digiphex7 жыл бұрын
Great stuff.
@brndnwilliams420697 жыл бұрын
lovely!
@whitenoisefromelectronicto17286 жыл бұрын
beautiful
@gorgullhabublala53807 жыл бұрын
Beautiful! :)
@kellymerrill52945 жыл бұрын
Forgiveness, even if, even if you don’t love me anymore...Don Henley
@Lightbath5 жыл бұрын
I’ve been trying to get back to the heart of the matter.
@Jaysusitsme7 жыл бұрын
Amazing!
@mrnessss2 жыл бұрын
Really nice 😍
@wigglwrrm7 жыл бұрын
soooo beautiful :)
@jakefladd34116 жыл бұрын
Instant sub. So pretty.
@alb_reuel Жыл бұрын
is the percussion the plonk? impressive. i love physical modeling.
@Lightbath Жыл бұрын
Thanks. Plonk into Rainmaker 💫
@oliverbrunncarstens42157 жыл бұрын
beautiful!
@maurov21046 жыл бұрын
How can synthesis sound so organic?
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
This piece has me marveling at the same notion. Physical modeling is a wild, wild thing.
@maurov21046 жыл бұрын
I agree. AAS especially is doing a great job with synths like Plonk and VSTis like Chromaphone and String Studio.
@AndyPawlakOfficial7 жыл бұрын
Great.
@mathematicwaveformrecordings2 жыл бұрын
Es strog it, es strog it.
@narudh5 жыл бұрын
hey there what's stand you're using? it looks nifty!
@Lightbath5 жыл бұрын
there’s a link in the description :)
@spaceludes7 жыл бұрын
Heady crystals brah!
@max-zl1vm6 жыл бұрын
why is this not on spotify???
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
Ha. Glad you dig it. Simple answer: it's not yet on an album. Fortunately, I'm making a lot of changes this winter and will be releasing some official albums... and this one is at the top of the list of candidates. Head over here if you want to be notified when it all goes down: bit.ly/lightbathemails
@ancestralmemories3 жыл бұрын
desparately trying to find a compact stand for my dual 104 hp erica synths case. any idea what stand is being used in the video? looks small and seems to do the job!
@Lightbath3 жыл бұрын
Ah, yeah. There might be a link in the description. If not, head to lightbath.zone/mall and check under accessories.
@elvishopper44956 жыл бұрын
What are a couple modules you couldn't live without? I'm currently building a rack trying to find my needs. Great work!
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
That's a tough question because I tend to see the potential for interaction between modules over any singular module as an island. But I do love the sound of Belgrad, the pseudo-polyphony of Rings, and the textures that Clouds can produce. I love the Monome ecosystem as well as the new Mutable stuff from this Spring (see my Loom series). I don't currently have Maths, but that's always a good choice to start with as it does SO MUCH in 20hp. Plus, the exponential envelopes sound amazing when paired with some oscillators and an Optomix.
@saysthetedd Жыл бұрын
Does anyone know what output module that is, bottom right? Never seen a 4hp stereo out like that!
@Lightbath Жыл бұрын
Ah, not an out. It takes inputs from footswitches to create logic gates. It’s called ‘Walk’ and it’s made by Monome.
@saysthetedd Жыл бұрын
@@Lightbath oh, friggin rad. Monome can do no wrong. Wish they still made ‘em. Thanks dude.
@nicoraibak7 жыл бұрын
HOW MUCH MONEY IS IT?
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
goo.gl/images/56PxsJ
@cellbiol72987 жыл бұрын
www.modulargrid.net/e/racks/view/530585 more than that
@hern197 жыл бұрын
Nico Raibak alot
@KentBuchla6 жыл бұрын
All of it
@user-ed5ix1sw6i7 жыл бұрын
What's that thing with the 4 silver knobs? absolutely stunningly gorgeous performance too, by the way.
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Thank you. It's a Monome Arc: monome.org
@njdpdv7 жыл бұрын
EPIC!!
@_jurk4 жыл бұрын
Anybody knows what output module is used in the downright corner?
@Lightbath4 жыл бұрын
That’s actually Walk by Monome (footswitch module)
@sk8erboi2010201020107 жыл бұрын
All these beautiful sounds originated from one base signal????????
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Hmmmmm. The short answer is no. The long answer starts with a question: What do mean by 'one base signal'?
@sk8erboi2010201020107 жыл бұрын
I've just started listening to these kinds of things, and I'm very new to this whole modular/eurorack thing, so bear with me. I was under the impression one monotone sound (or "waveform") was initially created from something called an Oscillator(?) and then through the patch cables and modules(or whatever the individual panels are) could be reformed. This is my basic understanding of the whole thing. Hahah please tell me everything I don't know, this type of thing really interests me. The sounds are mesmerizing and the setups just look badass. I have a weakspot for knobs/dials/buttons/lights :)
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Ha. Thanks. Well, I'm using two oscillators (sine waves, inside the ER-301 module) to create the accompaniment voice (the first thing you hear), along with a physical modeling/resonator type of module (Rings) to create the lead string voice (the second thing you hear), and a physical modeling module (Plonk) to create the drum voice (the final voice to enter). So yeah, much more than a single oscillator is being used. But I can't even begin to tell you *everything* you don't know. The scope is just too wide for a KZbin comment, email, or even a single call. That said, I do offer Skype lessons if you want to learn more and one-on-one study is something you do well with. If you're interested, just message me on my website: lightbath.com and we can talk details.
@sk8erboi2010201020107 жыл бұрын
I just took a look over at your site, it's fantastic! Those couple tracks you have blew me away, that sound takes me somewhere else. You'll definitely be getting a few messages from me on your site. I can def say that your stuff is some of the best ambient modular stuff I've found on youtube; some other artists just can't seem to hit that medium between raw sound and melodic overload. Do me a favor and keep doing your thing so I can keep listening, yeah?
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
You bet. Thanks.
@trybtek7 жыл бұрын
Such a fantastic sound! a true modular master. Would you mind telling me what the 301 is doing in this patch beside playing sines? Also what case are you using? It's really nice!
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Thank you. Ch 1+2 are each a sine osc, Ch 3 is a bandpass filter for Rings (Arc control), Ch 4 is some post-processing for Ch 1+2 after Opto + Belgrad. Oh, and the case is great. Submodular Systems: submodularsystems.com Great owner/designer, great design. So simple, small, and light. Search the Submodular case thread on MW. I posted a review of sorts where I describe and show what I did with the power supply and show close-ups of the lid hardware, which is really clever, I think.
@trybtek7 жыл бұрын
Lightbath awesome! I'll check out the cases. I've got a 301 on order so I'm trying to absorb and imagine all the things I can do with it. Also I'm currently teaching an art class for 7yr olds and I have this video on loop, perfect vibes! Zenning out!
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Adrien, that is SO great to hear. I'm honored to be a part of you and your students' art zone!
@erimoog25257 жыл бұрын
Hi. I have a question about the connection. > 1. LOW MELODY: ER-301 sines → Optomix (shaped by Just Friends) → Belgrad → ER-301. 1)Are Optomix and Belgrand a serial wired? (Filter is connected behind LPG) 2)Is JustFriend transmitting the envelope signal while delaying to the 2LPGs of Optomix?
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Yep, Belgrad is patched after the mix out of Opto to further filter the already-enveloped Opto channels. And Opto is being shaped by the envelopes of Just Friends. Straight up sine waves are going into Opto as if the 301 were two VCOs. But no delaying is happening with Just Friends, just inter-related envelopes.
@williamroark5 жыл бұрын
The bottom right.... mixer?? (4 knob thing) Not seeing a description ANYWHERE AWESOME NOISES BTW
@Lightbath5 жыл бұрын
Thanks. Monome Arc. Link in description.
@Riichrd5 жыл бұрын
Really nice stuff! What kind of features of the ER-301 are you using in this patch?
@Lightbath5 жыл бұрын
Thanks. Looking over my patch notes, it appears that I was just using a couple sine wave VCOs (the first thing you hear in the piece) and then some filters.
@Scrambled66537 жыл бұрын
very very beautiful!! what's that output module in the far right lower corner? i'm looking for something similar myself
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Ah, not an output module. It's Walk, by Monome.
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Oh, and thanks ~
@Scrambled66537 жыл бұрын
Lightbath Ah ok thanks!
@nodusk7 жыл бұрын
loving your stuff, I'm just curious, what mixer do you use for your live show?
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Thanks. Allen & Heath ZED-14. You can see it in these two videos: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aXbQlYebZaZsm9U kzbin.info/www/bejne/fmWnkICKnZyLhJo I like the fact that it has long-throw faders, 4 sends, and 4 stereo return channels with faders all for just a few hundred dollars. I got a b-stock unit so mine was really affordable. But, it's big and a bit heavy and when I fly it requires its own Pelican case, so it's not ideal. Mackie makes smaller mixers if you don't mind knobs instead of faders. Granted, all smaller mixers tend to have less send/return options.
@mousymagazine7 жыл бұрын
Absolutely fantastic. I was thinking about picking up a Ansible and running two Krias as well! I'm curious what role does the ER-301 play? Is just just an oscillator or do you ever do any sequencing with it?
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Thanks. I don't use the 301 for sequencing because it doesn't have DC-coupled outs. But, one could do all sorts of internal sequencing with it. Truthfully, I haven't yet developed the proficiency with it as others like R Beny and ioflow have. In this patch, though 301 is doing a few things. Check the thread below with Adrien Harris for more details.
@mousymagazine7 жыл бұрын
Yeah I'm currently trying to expand sequencing in my rack and I was evaluating the 301 as an option for more "song like" sequences. I wasn't aware the 301 could do more than sequencing until watching this vid. Thanks for sharing!
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Yeah, I just use the Monome for sequencing these days. But I'm very curious as to how you'd approach sequencing with the 301. Any tips or links are welcome!
@mousymagazine7 жыл бұрын
Ah I think i got the 301 and the 101 mixed up: kzbin.info/www/bejne/pHrIippsZrmbjck
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Right! Okay. Yes ~ It all makes sense now. I'm surprised that I hadn't caught that. Yeah, the features of the 101 and 102 look pretty amazing. I'd love to explore those someday.
@indiefilmcomposer7 жыл бұрын
is Rainmaker a keeper for you? I am looking at it for my second row of 104....the other effects I will have are clouds, lo fi i junky, and I have the H9 as an external fx loop in my DAW but it gets tied up as a lush multi reverb , delay, chorus send......which it is great at.
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
It's taking me a while to learn it, partly because it's so deep. Granted, I haven't read the manual yet. But as of the latest firmware update (which fixed some issues, one being that modulation of delay time used to create some artifacts) I'm really liking it. Not that the firmware update was an easy process. It took about an hour to update. Compare this with how easy Mutable modules are to update. But you know, different tech requires different... whatevers. So, even though Rainmaker is a huge honkin' monster in a 6U, I still currently make room for it. It just sounds so good and is so flexible. So, yes, I'm very happy with it. And I sometimes miss my H9. I never liked not having real knobs, but it sounded so good and again, was so flexible. I would probably trade my BAM if they made a new version with a few knobs.
@indiefilmcomposer7 жыл бұрын
Lightbath thanks for the feedback !
@yalivec7 жыл бұрын
beautiful as always! please, what output module do you use here? (the first from right in the bottom row)
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Thank you. You're not the only one to think that's an output module. It's actually Walk by Monome. I have a Y-cable coming from a Saturnworks footswitch to give me foot-switchable triggers, gates, and logic. Not using it in this patch, though. It's multitracked. The outputs are the black cables with the colored tape. 1+2 are Rainmaker, 3+4 are Clouds, and 5 is 301 Ch4.
@yalivec7 жыл бұрын
ah, exactly! I did not understand at first it is Walk. thanks for the explanation.
@moondog2976 жыл бұрын
Anyone know if this is a new release- or out on Vinyl
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
Ha, thank you. So far none of my KZbin pieces (on this account or my previous one Fourhexagons, or even before that with the Fourhexagons Vimeo) are on any releases, however I've been speaking with a label about a vinyl release of selected public works. You can sign up for email updates - bit.ly/lightbathemails - if you want to be notified when things like that happen.
@lawrencevaughan53736 жыл бұрын
Hey, I have clicked the link, but it takes me to a dead page. Can you please re add this? I'd absolutely love to own some of your ambient music on vinyl. It's stunningly beautiful.
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
I fixed it. The closing parenthesis was causing the error.
@motoboy66665 жыл бұрын
Are those magic stones?
@Lightbath5 жыл бұрын
Alignment is everything #lawofone
@stethoscanomaly7 жыл бұрын
Gorgeous track. Is there somewhere to buy/download it?
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Thank you! There will be. This piece is definitely going on one of the releases I have coming out soon. Sign up for email updates to be notified when it's available: bit.ly/lightbathemails
@stethoscanomaly7 жыл бұрын
Oh, cool! Beautiful ambient pieces with such a warm mood like this are such a special thing to have on your music player or wherever. Really adds a dimension to life. And the long playtime is great too. Will definitely be looking out for your releases!
@greatmateworkshop97646 жыл бұрын
hi, what is going on with all the drum accents? from what is modulated? im so curious! thank you
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
I know! Pretty great the way it came together. Plonk is doing the rhythms and modulations (including the accents) and I'm running it through Rainmaker to create an evolving, recursive sort of thing.
@Angel-cu5mf6 жыл бұрын
wow 💎💕🎈
@halberkstresser3 жыл бұрын
ah, the obligatory crystals and/or plants - great sounds though. the geodes weren't in sync tho
@Lightbath3 жыл бұрын
Pshaw, I may have actually *started* the crystals and synths trend back in 2015. Look up fourhexagons on Vimeo and KZbin for the early videos 😉
@iguisard7 жыл бұрын
I am curious how do you get the audio out of this? I don't see any sort of output for all this. Is it the module next to the QU-bit? if so there is nothing plugged into it. Yelps
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
The black cables with the small colored tape are the outputs. Look in the description under 'Voices' and then look in the video at the last module in each chain. You'll see the cables coming out of them. All those are going into my audio interface and being recording in Logic. And that module on the right is not an in/out module, but Walk by Monome.
@iguisard7 жыл бұрын
This is great, thanks for explaining. I am in the process of building my own 6u briefcase/flightcase and I am trying to learn about different modules before I buy them.
@92JelaniMusic7 жыл бұрын
How are you communicating with the monome without the monome modules?
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
Two Ansibles next to Pam's. Check the ModularGrid link for details.
@SonicWarfareSF6 жыл бұрын
what are you using as your output module?
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
People think that the Monome Walk on the far right is an output module. It’s a footswitch module. I’m just going out of each module separately into my interface.
@SonicWarfareSF6 жыл бұрын
Thats what I figured. Thanks for the response!
@echohalojohn7 ай бұрын
UWAGA ! W DRUGIEJ MINUCIE SŁYCHAĆ BEAT!!111111
@Lightbath7 ай бұрын
Tak! Bit nagradza cierpliwość 💫
@2628ale6 жыл бұрын
what kind of sequencer is that?
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
It’s a Monome running an app called Kria on a module called Ansible. Check the link in the description for more info.
@raneflewit6250 Жыл бұрын
84hp?
@Lightbath Жыл бұрын
104 😏
@olecranonrebellion99767 жыл бұрын
What do you think of the er 301?
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
I like it. I don't yet spend enough time with it, though, as my 6U performance case uses two STOs and therefore doesn't have room for it. I find that the STOs just sound so much better than the VCOs currently available in the 301. But when I have room for it, it's an amazing toolbox with such a wide range of capabilities. When Submodular releases their spacer to connect two cases, I'll finally be able to get back to the full 12U setup and the 301 will get more of the attention it deserves. R Beny and ioflow (his channel is on Vimeo) are great examples of people making great use of the 301.
@olecranonrebellion99767 жыл бұрын
Thanks. Ive been eyeing the control forge as well. Im usually impulsive, but when it comes to a few of these modules i can wait a bit. I did get plonk. I dig it. Yes the STO is very nice, and may get another.
@thra.x3406 жыл бұрын
percushion
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
More percushion for the perpushin’!
@ursmeyer59136 жыл бұрын
So, we configure machines?
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
Yes, and then react to the resultant processes in real time so as to improvise the composition into fruition in the present moment. Some pieces require more or less user interaction. This piece requires little, just a few nudges at just the right time, whereas my Moogfest 2018 MotS set (posted May 26) is patched/configured in such a way where it requires constant interaction to make any music with it.
@shinedrummer6 жыл бұрын
Which module produces the "drums" here? Is it plonk?
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
Yes, and if you look closely you can see that Plonk is multed and run through Rainmaker.
@shinedrummer6 жыл бұрын
Explains the more complex rythm created. Thanks for answering!
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
something magical happened when I combined the changing rhythm from Chance with the slow delay in Rainmaker. It made this recursive thing that sounds so. freaking. natural. Like an improviser making variations.
@shinedrummer6 жыл бұрын
I also thought so, it has a sample-like quality to it! I mean i love the whole composition, but that sound is something else :)
@Lightbath6 жыл бұрын
thanks - I agree
@phormzlab17437 жыл бұрын
:)))
@TheLoveMaker2326 жыл бұрын
What's in your wallet???
@dwellerinblack78164 жыл бұрын
Probably money.
@NickHchaos7 жыл бұрын
Where does this sub culture of only making incredibly placid mellow sounding ambient music with your eurorack come from? I don't get it. I make some music like that with mine, but to only make tunes like that seems so limiting. Seems to be a very American thing. Don't get me wrong, it's pleasant. I just don't get the appeal of only creating these sorts of tunes. They don't stick with me.
@Lightbath7 жыл бұрын
I follow my heart and do what feels right. Period.
@NickHchaos7 жыл бұрын
Same. Still, this is a certain sub-cultural phenomenon, is it not? The same as people who throw thousands of dollars of equipment at a sound to make staid 4/4 snare sounds. Where do these impulses come from? Certain cultural context, is all I'm saying.
@thankyoumisterspell7 жыл бұрын
Clearly a lot of people enjoy this kind of stuff. If you want a 45-minute trance or acid jam theres plenty of that on KZbin as well. Something for everyone =)
@glasspipe797 жыл бұрын
Too much over analysis and generalizations thrown around. Is there such a rule stating that you have to make cluttered/over complicated patches just because you spent x amount on a modular system? "limited" or stripped down patches are actually the hardest to make as it takes finesse and good foresight to pull off.
@phormzlab17437 жыл бұрын
Why try to pin life down to categories, genres and cultures? ...Why let an experience become an idea of someTHING? This will only lead to feelings of alienation as you have rightly described. I’m not criticising, I sincerely wish you well and hope you have another place that gives you the happy experience of just letting things be as they are.