Limerence: daydreaming is keeping you stuck

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Hi I’m Marios, on this channel we talk about psychology. I'm doing my doctorate degree in counselling psychology in London.
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Chapters:
00:00-00:17 - INTRO
00:18-01:25 - CAUTION
01:26-04:16 - DAYDREAMING & LIMERENCE
04:17-05:08- LIMERENCE IS EXCESS
05:09-07:27 - DAYDREAMING FUELS LIMERENCE
07:28-08:53 - CATCH YOURSELF FANTASISING
08:52-12:20 - AVOIDING ANXIETY
12:21-14:00 - BE WITH IT INSTEAD
14:00-14:54 - OUTRO
Disclaimer: On the channel we discuss themes relating to psychology and mental health, but it is not advice and if you need support including mental or medical attention please seek support from a licensed professional.
#limerence #obsession #heartbreak
tags: maladaptive daydreaming, fantasy, limerence, obsessive love, obsession, love, why can't I stop thinking about them, psychology, personal development, limerence help, limerence cure, limerence vs love, limerence abandonment, limerence addiction, limerence intrusive thoughts
Subscriber count: 3,730

[@Marios_CG]

Get limerence coaching with me: www.unfoldinglimerence.com

[@myselfasevan]

It happens the most when I’m bored and alone

[@asia1174]

Yep and I am like all the time

[@thehardercandy]

Same. For me it's when I'm working cause I am bored as hell and my mind starts going.

[@ms.x1669]

For me it happens when I'm depressed and feeling helpless

[@kstrat14]

Drugs and alch make it worse

[@blackluxury5585]

All of you guys are me . I experience all of this. I struggle most with daydreaming when I am alone which is a lot or at work during my downtime which is also a lot. Daydreaming hits hard especially at night

[@clarissax2358]

“Your anxiety cannot last forever” Man how I wish that were true

[@nadineappesbacher952]

For me it was really DOING the work of starting to love and accept myself… it takes some time but it makes ALL the difference! I am still learning but the anxiety is mostly gone! I wish you all the best on your own journey!! 😊

[@thalitha134]

My Limerance and daydreaming started at 13 when I got emotionally bullied by my friends. After that everytime something stresses me out or I feel inadequate I just picture some1 Very beautiful in love with me and encouraging me. It's gotten so bad over the years that I can daydream the whole day and not do anything productive or just enough so I don't fail. Living in Reality, everything feels 10x harder in my head than when I actually do it. It's bad but am too scared to ask for help I'll figure it out myself one-day at a time🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

[@blueheadmargaret]

As ever, such a good video! Thank you so much for choosing to post about limerence. I find your videos very reassuring as I am trying out a similar approach to my own condition that I have intuitively built off of scraps of available information as well as my own observations. I don’t have access to a good mental health professional right now, so I do my best to help myself. I’m at the stage where I identified exactly what my fantasies are doing for me. I know exactly when I fall into them and how they function. The problem is that nothing in the outside world seems to come close in effectiveness to what my imaginary conversations with my LO do to me. That’s why I haven’t yet moved on from my limerence completely. Through my fantasy conversations I get real insights about myself that no other person in my surroundings seems to be able to provide me with. I tried opening up to people and build real relationships and it’s going ok, but my fantasy world is like a cheat code to my psyche. It allows me to mirror myself in ways that no other person in my life has capacity for (I love people in my life, but I spend more energy trying to explain myself than actually getting something profound and nurturing from my relationships. I don’t seem to resonate with those around me. It’s like we speak completely different languages. That’s why my limerent object caught my attention in the first place. One of the very few people who seemed to make sense of the world in a way very close to mine. Something I’ve never experienced in anyone else. Something that felt truly validating and wonderful at first but turned into obsession due to distance) I figured that if I have to choose between two evils (two being depression and limerence), it seems like the fantasy bond with my LO is the lesser one. At least, for now. I have suffered from depression my entire adult life and I know for sure that I can’t just sit my way out of it. I’m all for sitting with emotions and letting them be what they are, just as you advised in the video, but I also know that depression isn’t an emotion and it paralyses me. While a controlled dose of limerent fantasy gets me going and helps me digest the world. I even stopped feeling guilty about my fantasies at one point. They are truly wonderful windows into my suffering if I manage to keep them short and concise. The only downside is that I wish I could move on from this particular person. I’m really tired of their image haunting me. So, next on my list is to try and finally own the part of me that “talks to me” in these fantasies. I know very well that this person themselves isn’t present with me physically or in spirit (although sometimes it truly feels like they are, and this is the hardest part to shake off completely). I try to always remind myself that this is my own mental image of them that I talk to. However, I find it difficult to stop visualising them as them. I know it’s just me, and yet I seem to need this image of the Other to keep the conversation going. And more often than not my fantasy hangouts with my limerent friend are simply more productive in helping me navigate the chaos of my inner world than reaching out to other people. This is just the reality of it. I can’t get over it because it WORKS. I just wish I could own this inner dialogue and not be bound to someone who isn’t actually here with me in my day to day. This is where I’m currently at. I’m not sure if I’m toying around with something potentially harmful, but for now it works. Any thoughts on conscious use of fantasy in small doses? Do you think it’s productive? Or do I just bury myself deeper and deeper into limerence?

[@SaraSuvejd-so2zh]

Actually you helped me a lot deconstructing limerance

[@BetweenStations77]

maladaptive daydreaming and limerence over my idols got me through my tough teenage years. at age 46 - i still do it to this day but mainly with regular people. it is a form of self soothing and escapism.😊

[@dougieboy28]

Same here - for me it was getting thru boarding school . I’m over it now I’m going to do the work and sit in the rubble of anxiety. Daydreaming is not healthy I get that now

[@yogapants_teacher]

Same here. I started at a very young age, and I STILL struggle with this today. The difference is that now I see what a huge issue it is in my life.

[@kstrat14]

Totally healthy unless you actually stalk and cross that what's real or not real. Pete Davidson has a funny story on one.

[@Kangkit428]

Well the moment fantasising begins dopamine is released = hard habit to break !

[@clare_intuition]

Thank you for your humility, and your professionalism. Your videos have literally been the missing puzzle piece on my journey of healing. I've had years of therapy and coaching, where we danced around the issue and I found some healing, but never quite hit the nail on the head until now. From finding your videos in December to working on finally taking the steps to increase my awareness and use new tools - I have taken some valuable steps to healing. Not always easy, as you mention in your videos, but not impossible. Knowledge really is power! I hope your Doctoral work sheds some light on limerence and enables more professionals to understand the nuances involved. 🙏

[@Marios_CG]

So pleased to read your comment, thank you for the encouragement and feedback I really appreciate it. All the best on your journey.

[@vitaygeorgina]

I have been doing this all my life, and not oonce has it occurred to me that it might be something bad. I thought I everyone was doing it and that it was completely normal. Now that I'm aware that it is damaging and I should stop doing this, I feel sad. Like if I stopped this, I would be empty and anxious. It is really an addiction.

[@amdonut8091]

What has helped me is breaking down when and why specific daydreams started so that I can start healing from old wounds. For example, i often daydream about being asked questions by people that I want to be interested in me. The questions are often things i can genuinely answer, not like a fantasy like "how is it to win your first grammy?". No. In high school, i was being very bullied and managed to join the punk group if the school. They didn't like me, but to outsiders, I looked like i was accepted into it. Fir survival, I had to make my persona and know everything about my "interests". Of course, i wasnt so interested in these things in reality. So pretty much, i daydream of making sure I say all the right things to keep a status with the group and thus keep bullies away. I am trying to survive. Its been 15 years since that started. Time to change that.

[@2brunhilda]

I’m most interested in this subject and I love the calmness of your voice so I prefer you over other . There is one other soft spoken woman here I like also.

[@rebeccahermosillo6]

I love the visual you gave of sitting with a difficult emotion, like anxiety, to allow it to give you the message it wanted to give you. Sooo helpful to think of it that way! Thank you! 😊

[@donpeace894]

Good stuff -maybe not a replacement for therapy but more immediate and to the point

[@russellschramm6091]

It's crazy how spot on and accurate every one of those limerence qualities you mentioned I relate to. So painful.

[@dhamon-pi6os]

keepng me stuck in a place that makes me feel happy and that is all right for now

[@2brunhilda]

I do love the fantasy

[@dougieboy28]

Nooo! It’s our captor

[@rosemary2483]

I suggest to take a book and start reading as soon as we catch ourself daydreaming

[@user-ny9yc4qh8m]

That anxiety made me not doing anything. And when i do something, that feeling just creep in suddenly and made me can't do the task properly

[@gisimuzz4303]

Thank you a lot! That was really helpfull to me! Very good Input!

[@vegan_joyce]

This was incredibly helpful. 🙏🏻 Thank you!

[@alwandenawa948]

You are doing great work!

[@city687]

Wow this was a super informative and helpful video.

[@agceh]

Interesting. Im 1 year sober now struggled with substance abuse. I met a woman in rehab abroad and she lives in the same city as I live. And we were hanging out when we came back. We had some serious deep contact, platonic, she didnt want more, i also did not initate romantic stuff but we were physical very close and she is also VERY physical attractive. That said contact went on and off and sometimes I just could stop texting and stuff, I dont see the boundaries and so on. Its also an addictive brain so its more then limerance I gues, and their was/is a real friendship. BUT the last time she kind of rejected me 2 months ago it triggered something in me.. I want contact I need contact , I just need it and dont know why... because I dont need if from other people but I need it from her.. its like you need air to breath. Its even more powerfull than any drug I abused. And for the last weeks she said that the friendship maybe is gone, I think she is ghosting me from today. And im completely broken.. I was depressed and suicidal before I went to rehab but its all back now. I dont know what to do anymore.. im so broken it hurts so much. Its more brutal than any drug withdrawal.

[@dilaraatun1304]

Sounds like you’re possessed bro believe do inner child healing . U dont feel the pain of her and your one sided love, u feel your inner child screaming for attention acceptance and love. This is a lot of inner reading work boo but im on it now too . I can understand the pain but we are not stupid we gonna stroke that pain/trauma back bitch!

[@spikeadam]

Wat if you zoned out watching this video

[@Marios_CG]

I will be blocking you x

[@grabbelton]

Thank you, ans your voice is very soothing, fitting your message. Thank you again.

[@NinaniOfficial]

Important 💚

[@blackluxury5585]

Daydreaming hits hard at night

[@jasonfanclub4267]

I can relate with that 100%

[@nodrama6131]

Dissecting every feeling we have and putting a label on it won't get us too far. Everything is a " trauma", every feeling " needs " to be addressed and focused on. AND FOR WHAT? There is no cure for all of these " disorders". We can not create perfect & healthy minds. It is just a rabbit hole that keeps us more stucked in sufference and makes us incredible weak and unstable. We just have to keep ot simple: not hoarding, not overeating, not overthinking. Labels are convinient for those that have a drug to sell. If there is no disorder they can create one in 3 minutes. We try so bad to escape something unscapable unless you die: life. That's it.

[@Anonymous33326]

Icl you the kind of person i would probably get limerent with even though i think im limerent with somone already for a while

[@terrycraig6386]

Too much information,bruh.

[@rockrecordreport7136]

@@terrycraig6386 not at all, bravery actually.

[@yourbigpalal83]

Is limerence always romantic though? The person im focused on intrusively (I do have ocd) I view more like a kid sister then anything really romantic. I confused my emotions for Romantic and that shattered our friendship and now my desire is to reach out and explain to her my feelings never were romantic to begin with. I misunderstood Romance for deep caring. I don’t want to date her or be intimate with her but I do want her to be a part of my life. My goal isn’t to win her over but to correct a mistake I made. Ideally I’d like to regain her trust and respect and friendship again but nothing more. I never even really had any “romantic” feelings for her as I just wanted to be there for her and know she’s safe and happy. So does that mean it’s limerence? I haven’t ever brought up the subject with her since as I refused to make her feel uncomfortable again and I haven’t seen her in months since her breakup with her boyfriend who is a friend of mine out of respect for her and him.

[@lolabus7132]

is there any book in this topic that we can read?

[@jasonfanclub4267]

I want to cuddle 😢

[@terrycraig6386]

Do it to yourself.

[@kstrat14]

That daydreaming had me thinking I am psychic or believing in God. I WILL TELL YA! The brain does funny things based off of trauma or what not.