Shame , Embarrassment, Dissociation, Trauma & Procrastination - AKA 158

[@CFChristian]

For what it's worth - I recently found out through Patrick Teaghan that procrastination is linked to the perfectionism caused by a strict and/or judgmental parent. The idea being you need everything to be perfect, or else you will face harsh criticism, judgment, ridicule, etc. So your brain is like "Yeah why would I want to do that?" and then it turns out the "that" is everything. That definitely clicked with me and I hope someone gets a chance to read this and it helps.

[@stacyjaye6350]

Hey. You just put two and two together for me. This is why I read the comments, people like you. Thank you so much for your contribution.

[@CFChristian]

@@stacyjaye6350 Glad to hear it. I wasn't sure there was any traffic on an "old video" in internet terms. That makes it worthwhile. ☺️

[@einsteindarwin8756]

@@CFChristian yea. Makes it worthwhile.

[@einsteindarwin8756]

This is so true for me. I am trying to learn boundaries now.

[@einsteindarwin8756]

@@stacyjaye6350 it’s so true I was the same way when I was a child and now I am slowly learning how to cope on the job and it makes it debilitating almost why even go outside or go anywhere

[@thesymphonyset]

The eye contact thing can sometimes be neurodivergence. I focus better when listening to someone if i don’t make eye contact. Looking off to the side or down helps me absorb what someone is saying. If I’m making eye contact I won’t retain what is being said because I’m trying so hard to make eye contact.

[@raven4090]

I'm the exact same way. I'm autistic.

[@katherinebourne3813]

I do the same thing I don't know why

[@AndresHernandez2]

I do exactly the same thing. I thought it was guilt or shame but I'm always like "hmm I dont feel any shame though" its like a self fulfilling prophecy that I know Im going to feel uncomfortable making eye contact and now im hypervigilent of what theyre going to think of me if i dont make eye contact. Its a mess lol

[@thesymphonyset]

@@katherinebourne3813 it can be a sign of neurodivergence. There are tests you can take as an adult to find out.

[@thesymphonyset]

@@AndresHernandez2 find an adult asd specialist and see if you might be on the spectrum. It’s a common trait for the neurodivergent. I’m great at making eye contact for my job but it is not natural to me. Making eye contact look natural and doing other arbitrary things that neurotypical people demand end up draining you and causing autistic burnout. If you struggle with eye contact and find yourself having to be alone because you are exhausted from interactions, then it could be signs of asd. look into it, there are a whole host of traits you could have different combinations of. Most adults have gone undiagnosed. It helps to be diagnosed so you can know how to better use your strengths, map out your needs and plan around them etc. When picking s therapist it’s important they understand neurodivergence so they don’t make the same mistake as this video, where the professional while well intentioned, forced eye contact. Eye contact lights up different receptors in out brain and our neuro-pathways were mapped out differently in our brains than a neurotypical. This means we are great at different things and our rationale is different. Being average is not the goal though. Learning about yourself so you can enjoy your life and your strengths is. A good spectrum informed therapist can help with that and much more.

[@Lemonady]

Timestamps! Q1 - 0:41 Q2 - 10:06 Q3 - 23:35 Q4 - 40:06 Q5 - 50:07 Q6 - 58:05 Q7 - 1:08:26 Q8 - 1:13:04 Q9 - 1:17:11

[@Keriousity]

❤❤❤❤

[@Lemonady]

@@Keriousity ❤

[@sadeboss1564]

Thank you. I was triggered by one of the questions and wanted to move on but didn't know where to. Thank you so much ❤

[@KrystalKonnectSG]

❤❤❤Thank you. This really helped.

[@iamasooner86]

The dissociation part is spot on. I experienced a full blown dissociative episode that led me to being in the fetal position on the floor hyperventilating and crying at the same time. I began to not recognize anyone around me and I was told that I was totally gone. I was unresponsive but conscious.

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

Autism sucks.

[@kevseb66]

I thank you for committing your life to this kind of work. People like us really need it.

[@fritzginger15]

One of the things I like most about my therapist is that they seem to know instantly when iv started dissociating. And sometimes anticipates it when she knows we are going to touch on something tough. Iv never had anyone actually “see” my dissociation before. Was scary at first but now it helps me feel safer in their office. She hasn’t told me what I do that tells her I’m dissociating other then she mentioned that my voice changes. And I know I definitely do the loss of eye contact. Also to help me come back from dissociation she asks me bicycle questions. Like how to change a tyre or if “blank” was wrong with her bike what should she check first. It brings me back really fast somethings. And if I’m starting to turn towards panic then she will remind me that I can sit on the floor and gets my an ice pack to hold on my hands and forearms. Iv never thought to ask her about how she knows I’m zoning out but I may ask now so maybe I can mention it to my one friend that is my biggest supporter. (And other friends in the future)

[@jessicawoods814]

I was put in a mental hospital at the age of 10 and would just like to confirm that there most definitely was an “isolation room,” if you could even call it that. It was more like a tall closet with padded walls. That’s one of my most vibrant memories from being there, along w having no shoelaces. I got put in once, I don’t even remember what for, but I know I never went back in again. Second most vivid memory was seeing my roommate April tackled on her bed by 2-3 employees as one of them gave her a shot in the ass and put her in the white room. It’s calms you down I can’t remember if I got one of those too. I’m 34 now. Just starting to connect something’s from my childhood to my adulthood and watched this video on a whim and was very taken back by this Q in particular bc I could relate 100%. Great video! Very insightful.

[@intrusive-th0t]

The shots don’t “calm you down”, they incapacitate you. Saying they make you calm is like saying getting roofied and date raped is a calming experience

[@dhanasausa825]

i can relate to this

[@jessicawoods814]

@@intrusive-th0t ok I understand what you’re saying and I’m sure you can understand why I said it that way… I was just recalling a memory from childhood.

[@jessicawoods814]

@@dhanasausa825 thank you!

[@ravneiv]

For me I think procrastination feels like having some control. Also I have a difficult time with compliments and praise, so finishing something early I am a bit disincentivized to do, however procrastinating until under pressure gives me a hit of dopamine from the stress-relief of finishing it.

[@delonreinhardt589]

I’ve never identified with a statement as much as I do this … 100% Me

[@user-ez4vz5lz9z]

On the question around procrastination - I recent read somewhere that procrastination, when linked with self sabotage, can be a way for us to control the outcome. This means that in order to gain a sense of control (that maybe we feel like we haven't had before, or that we feel was taken away from us) we self sabotage so that we can predict the outcome. If procrastination is how you self sabotage (versus maybe wanting to avoid uncomfortable feelings that arise with the task - or something else), it's something to think about.

[@user-ez4vz5lz9z]

Also on procrastination: For me personally, I like to be productive. Why? Who knows. So I do sometimes procrastinate life tasks and uni stuff because I know that once I do those things I no longer have anything productive to do (whether that is for a few hours or a week). Honestly I think it's me avoiding relaxing/winding down. I have never been the type to fully relax so it makes me feel uncomfortable. Anyway, just thought I'd add a few other reasons for procrastination and see if anything resonates with others. It's something that we all do, but for different reasons!

[@ardeaeichner2111]

I relate to the shame based procrastination! I'm pretty sure I have ADHD (assessment coming up lol) but also, my greatest passion lies in something I've always been discouraged from pursuing too much-- been told it needs to be a hobby and stuff rather than part of my work or anything. So I do think I can feel stagnated by the idea that I shouldn't do those things too much, but also not feel able to do the stuff I'm not that passionate about.

[@BelleResells]

hearing you discuss dissociation was the most imortant thing i've heard in years and explains so much. i'm diagnosed bipolar, but I wonder if i'm bpd? but i also went years surviving a DV. so i don't know.... maybe it was my untreated bipolar but i just want to live life and not feel like every day is so hard

[@LIVE-SAGT]

I grew up in a family we're feelings were not allowed neither were opinions. I've done a lot of boundaries work but I continue to choose people who mock feelings. There's so many layers to emotional abuse.

[@AJManol]

You managed to make a title with every major issue I currently struggle with🤩🙌🏻

[@filmfan3697]

And me!

[@alyssamalecki8344]

Exactly the same!

[@steaktartar4175]

Amanda!!!!! Hi!!!! it's Iva!! I found you! hahaha

[@hexane8]

I wonder if she makes a ton and the Goddess of Algorithms takes over from there.

[@juanborjas6416]

Yeeeeah😂

[@Touay.]

I just want to say what a great resource this is for kids these days. I look back at my childhood and I really could have done with help like this.

[@calliope6623]

These people asking if their experiences being institutionalized could qualify as trauma? Man I feel traumatized just hearing about these stories. The idea of having my body autonomy taken away totally freaks me out. Hang in there!

[@calliope6623]

Also wanted to add, I was diagnosed with PDDNOS (autism) as a kid, but looking back on it, I think that a lot of my “autistic behaviors” were actually dissociation. But also, maybe a lot of the more outwardly noticeable “symptoms” of autism are in fact just symptoms of an autistic person dealing with trauma? Or maybe not, I don’t know. Something has to give though, either I was misdiagnosed, or autism is completely misunderstood.

[@too_tired_for_this]

I actually prefer dissociating and wish I could do it more often. The big sign that I’m dissociating is that I lose my words. I got from being coherent and a good communicator, to barely being able to speak.

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

Sensory overload or burnout?

[@MS-ns4ki]

@@gothboschincarnate3931I am burnt out break time

[@Touay.]

Dissociation. i was very aware as a child that it felt like I was looking out at the world like I was looking up at the sky from the bottom of a well - the world was 'distant' somehow.

[@anniemac7545]

Hi Katie....love your work. I'm in Australia and have CPtsd/ADHD etc...I procrastinate daily , over just about anything. I believe my procrastination is due to perfectionism. My psychologist (trauma specialist) agrees with me. This procrastination can waste so much time. It's tough!

[@nikkimckay860]

AKA & OTDM. Hello Kati good afternoon from Nikki here in uk time is 16:45 pm I'm so glad to see you and watch and listen to your mental health podcast again I have honestly been feeling so depressed since I returned home from my holiday last week iv tried to pick myself back up and get on with life but I'm really struggling anyway you looking beautiful and I love to see your smile and hear your soft calming Voice there are all good questions as always just to add I have been trying to get my question noticed for a couple of weeks but I'll keep trying much love to you and your podcast ❤️❤️❤️

[@BelleResells]

in my relationship, my partner would notice my dissociation before i even knew there was a word for it. he'd notice i would just, space out or just check out or leave, and he'll go, "where'd you go? come back to me!" and he'd hug me or rub my shoulders, because i would freeze up or become very paralyzed, like i couldn't move my head and he would literally have to try to pull it forward, or my arms will be stuck holding myself tightly. and at work, every job i've had, the word you used "disconnected" "removed" that's the words, there will be things i just left undone and i just, i don't remember at all there's a blank space, or that i could swore I had done it, I could've swore i walked into the room and did that thing....

[@Gamergirlyoshi]

This has been happening it’s really weird. I don’t remember it till the next day. Now I know why my boss was worried I just layed my head down and the next thing I know I was confused and wondered why I was even in the room. I have a hard time expressing my feelings it wasn’t allowed.

[@bayoulafourche]

As for disassociation, when I start feeling too uncomfortable, afraid that the things on the top shelf of that mental closet might be taken down and examined. I will literally stand up and say I'm leaving now. I'm so afraid I'll cry and I feel like my heart might literally break right open. I start thinking about my cat to calm down. The love we have for each other is so comforting. I wouldn't tell anyone that because I would be laughed at. But it works. Even makes those tears that are welling up, retreat. I don't even know why I'm writing here. No one even cares and you want money, which I don't have because I just had major surgery. So depressed. I'll go away, don't worry

[@stacyjaye6350]

People do care, rabbit! And don't feel like these KZbin counselors that have courses and books are money hungry. Everyone has to eat 😆 just take all the positivity that you can from the videos, and don't go away! I haven't spent any money on any of my counselors' books or courses, but I still learned a ton. I just had surgery also, it really does a number on your emotions! If it's a small surgery, you feel bad about making a big deal, if it's a big surgery, you feel bad about making a big deal! 🤔 The way I look at it, it's your body, it's all a big deal! Now's the time to go easy on yourself. Your comment really hit me. I'm sending you strength, courage, and hugs, from Tulsa. 💪⚔️🫂PS my cat, Punky, is sending you Good Vibes also.😻

[@nicolefontana]

I’ve always felt like this… I’ve never been open and vulnerable with any therapist I’ve had. I actually never realized how bad I am with this until I read your comment… so I’m glad you decided to write it. 💜I’m gonna try to start changing this slowly but surely at my upcoming appointment. Hugs

[@bayoulafourche]

@@stacyjaye6350 hey Tulsa. Thanks for the kind words. I'm not far from you, over here in Fayetteville. I have lymphoma. Which normally I can deal with, but I needed a new hip. Took me two years to get healthy enough to have the surgery. Being in pain and eventually in a wheelchair for 2 years kind of changed me. The surgery was very traumatic. It didn't heal right and they wanted to do another surgery. I shut down and quit answering the docs calls. I started treating myself. I know which antibiotics work on my body and I made a phone call and got the medication that worked. I didn't get better right away though, and it left me deeply depressed. I haven't left my house since January. Yeah I know councilors have bills too. I guess I'm spoiled. I'm retired Navy and go to the local VA. I've had a couple of video appointments. I like the VA docs because they get paid no matter if I keep my appointment or not lol. No ass-kissing or spare words. The mental health appointments are new to me. I'm still deciding if it's worth it to allow myself to be raw. I'm not a big fan of digging around in old wounds to feel better. So I stay busy lol. Compartmentalization is fine with me. When I wrote that above, I must've still been very ill. How about you? Are you doing better?

[@bayoulafourche]

@@nicolefontana hi Nicole. I didn't remember writing that post. But I was very sick and depressed at the time. I still am lol, just walking a little better now. I promise, if you met me you'd think I'm the funniest, most outgoing person you've ever met. You may be like that too. We put our "game-face" on and walk out the door. I've always loved being that way until I had to move away from my hometown - New Orleans. I've been in NW Arkansas for two years, for health reasons. My sis moved up here. Unfortunately she's too much like me! Lol. I think the last thing she said to me was, "oh then, call me when you decide to get out of bed." I'd say we're a tough crowd lol. But here's the thing, when you have people like us that keep our game face and shields up, people learn to stand back. They think you got it going on and don't need help. I desperately wanted someone to hold my hand and bring me an ice cold drink, but to get that, I would've had to ask for help. Pitiful. Don't be like me. There are advantages, but not when you truly need help. My sister is two miles from me, but because I couldn't get up and make my house perfect, I wouldn't allow her to come over. On a side note, my neighbors won't take "no" for an answer. They've mowed my lawn, weeded my flowerbeds, put my mail on the doorstep, left homemade bread, cookies and other goodies by my door, all against my wishes! They won't tell me who does what, but they leave me notes that say things like "I know you said not to, but this is what neighbors do." I don't even know these people!

[@nicolefontana]

@mcchaudoir2585 Yes, I know all to well about putting that game face on! I’m from the New Orleans area too. Small world! Lol I’ve lived here my whole life, but can’t wait to move away from here now. That’s so awesome that you have such great neighbors in AK. What area of Nola are you from?

[@leentjiedekker9282]

I have body dysmorhia and anorexia. I often dissociate when I have to be physically examined by a doctor especially gyne exams. Imso anxious that I will explode if I don't space out and go somewhere else in my head.

[@blankearth5840]

In a nutshell, I come from a dysfunctional and psychologically abusive relationship with my father who was a covert narcissist and had robbed me of my self-worth, I was homeless with him for a very long time during my upbringing and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape that and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet, I genuinely felt that I would belong with them and I thought they felt same way, but unfortunately, I guess they didn’t. What seemed like a gift from the universe, just turned into something that only contributed to my psychological and emotional wounds, I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they were to live with, and how conditional their love and regard was towards me, couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am and only if I meet certain criteria, and had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved. It’s just really unfair to me how my upbringing pretty much got robbed by a narcissist father and is something no kid should ever have to go through, while my fully related brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’. Yet, some online stranger on discord said to me “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and even a former friend laughs at me and invalidates me and minimizes my feelings saying “well they raised your brother and not you so he’s their kid and not you why do you think you deserve everything what he always gotten.” and that put more salt in the wound…it’s just really unfair, my aunt didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and was like “why not come stay here?”. It has put me in a constant endless loop of rumination. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere. They treated me as equally as their 2 boys… I wanted that with my brother… every other kid gets to have a family home life, the most basic thing in the world… except for me I guess…

[@kaylalatham1370]

love the talk about procrastination and how non-judgmental you are

[@DianaMarie23051]

I compare it to almost passing out. Everything starts to go dark & yes the hearing can get a bit muffled. It feels almost like an out of body experience. And also I can feel a slight panic at the same time sometimes.

[@murielbilly4296]

Hello, I have Asperger's syndrom and I experience dissociation, derealization and dépersonnalisation. I can't look people in the eyes, if I do, I can't focus. But I really feel from inside that it's not the same avoidance. When I'm dissociating, I almost don't blink, my body language is different, i speak slowly and softly or later because it's difficult to process reality. The person looks far away, and reality becomes like a movie. I had a therapist for a very long time, i often said what's happening but she can see it by herself. We talked a lot about that and she shared how she felt when I 'm ''away''. The inconfort of being 'erased', the efforts while she tries to make me come back. The episode ended during the therapy, only with her. The other therapists, psychiatrists are lost, they sometimes ask what they can do to help, I 'm just able to answer 'take me back'. Thank you for your tips, and your work.

[@75sadiegirl]

For me, smells would help me get out of dissociation in therapy. So I'd bring a blanket from home that smells good. Gotta love that fresh laundry smell. ❤ I definitely agree it's on a spectrum.

[@theedgeofoblivious]

I worked as a staff member in a high school about ten years ago,, and the school also had a mental health professional who cycled through as you described.

[@user-ez4vz5lz9z]

Also on this topic, many schools now have mentoring and mental health programs that are either one off's or run for a term.

[@eloisemarie5219]

Always comforting to hear your voice and to listen to your advice.

[@temi4116]

Her voice is helpful to me also.

[@ravneiv]

Yes. I don't mean this in a negative way but listening to her videos reduces my anxiety and helps me go to sleep.

[@angko-pe]

Kati, thank you so much for replying to my addon question about dissociation and how I wish my therapist would approach me. Geez, listening to your reply to the main question was super triggering to me as you said you do exactly what I wish my therapist didn't do, but it was also really reassuring to me that she, in fact, knows what she's doing and not just making things up. I know that might sound strange, but I really wasn't sure she knew how to deal with someone who dissociates. I will try and tell her at our next session.

[@ameliorated]

To be honest I think maybe being asked to ground back in is perhaps triggering because you don't want to come back.... you dissociated for a reason. Something made you want to leave.

[@angko-pe]

@@ameliorated yes, absolutely.

[@Kristinck456]

I believe I procrastinate on tasks that are set for me by others because I don’t like people to expect things from me. I associate it with the expectations my abuser had for me. I think procrastination is like an FU to my abuser. Crazy, I know.

[@BrickNewton]

I have just started therapy this year, I always knew that myind wandered at times but never realised that I was disassociating until counselling. My counselor will ask me where did I go (in a nice) then get me do grounding exercises.

[@SelkiesSong]

it's interesting that you brought up the feelings wheel and then said to look at media if you struggled with that. I enjoy media because I feel like I vicariously feel emotions through the characters (even complicated ones) but tuning into my own is very very difficult for me.

[@jessantoinette556]

Yes, Psyc units in hospitals are not fun and many people, including myself, find the experience to be traumatic and humililating. You're just not treated like a human being with dignity and intrinsic worth. Even the medical staff, who you would think know better, mistreat patients. Yes, I get that psychiatric patients can be difficult, upsetting and even a little scary because of a variety of illnesses they suffer from. But based on my experience and people I know who've been hospitalized, it is common that all or most patients are thrown in together. So, not only are you dealing with your own issues and the horrible meds they give that cause you to be totally out of it, but you're also afraid of the other people hospitalized with you, in addition to the the staff who can be incredibly harsh (maybe callous because of past patient experiences- not all of them are like this) and you feel like you're in a prison environment. They yell commands, yell at patients, you have no say, your family is cut off and you feel all alone. And yes, there is the "quiet room" which is infact a padded cell (just painted to cover up what it is) with a platform attached to the floor and a matress pad on top. Nurses and staff speak to you like you're a child (the med students doing rotations were the worst - shame on them). If you're lucky, you might come across some compassionate staff. I've heard patients ridiculed, yelled at, complained about at the nurses station. This is not your normal hospital stay when you need surgery or hospitalization for any other illness. I wish they would do more to separate patients based on history and medical diagnosis, and severity, and do more to provide a safer, compassionate environment to help people heal.

[@DianaMarie23051]

I think procrastination is probably common for people with agoraphobia & social phobias. Thoughts??

[@NNaadah]

When I disassociate; it’ll happen in levels depending on what’s going on around me. I lose the ability to talk because I’m hyper vigilant listening to everything going on around me. I usually “dawn the long stare”; waiting to see what happens as to what would I do next. I’m “with it” but I’m only “half there”. If someone touches me unsuspected; I’d probably attack them. I can describe what’s going on. And I may start hearing things that I know aren’t there. Sometimes I hear music that is unfamiliar. Usually it’s classical music and I know it’s only in my head. I know I’m the only one who can hear it. Sometimes it lasts for hours and I feel like I’m caught in a time warp; like I’m living out of sync with the rest of the world. Just about all my memories don’t seem real to me. They seem like a “past life”; and when I’m stressed or tired, I frequently feel like I’ve been thrown into someone else’s life. I’m occupying a body that I can control though; and I’m rather methodical about what I decide to do. Sometimes I can go to sleep and wake up “feeling like I’m back in my present self” and other times I will just “walk around and do mundane things until I feel like I’m back in the present”. I don’t have “dissociative identity disorder” because I don’t “lose track of the host personality”; but I feel like several people living in different phases of time, all at once. The disassociation from my feelings is what keeps me in control of my actions. And when I “reintegrate back to the present”; then I can “find my emotions”. Sometimes when I “come back” though; every thing may seem loud. I’m a survivor of repeated childhood sexual abuse and I grew up with an alcoholic mother. I’m also a veteran who did clean up after Desert Storm. So yes, I’m formally diagnosed with PTSD. I’ve been suicidal in the past; but it’s been 15 years now since I’ve had those thoughts. I function fairly well in society because of my ability to disassociate. Although yes, I experience a lot of grief in my life. I’ve had a lot of losses; and dealing with the grief is probably the hardest part right now. I pray for wisdom, strength and perseverance. I am surviving. I’m not sure I’m “living life” but I am surviving it.

[@RubyDawn4303]

Drifting off (not as in sleeping but as in dissociating) while driving scares the daylights out of me. I don't understand why it happens when I drive, since none of my trauma is associated with cars or driving. There have been times recently that I had to literally punch my leg over and over til it passes and just hope I can get somewhere safe without drifting off. Why does this happen more specifically when driving? Anyone else? Should I just give up driving?

[@jennifererickson2355]

I struggle with dissociating and tend to freak out when others acknowledge or notice that it literally terrifies me. I'm trying to figure out why this is going on

[@44suiluJ]

Thank you Kati 45:18 spot on… i am working on it. To listen better to the ones i love and to myself

[@poloparker0420]

In my experience it wasn't an isolation room, rather an observation den...pushing a traumatized person into insanity via mental/psychological overload. While left alone with the mirror they view you through and a metal folding chair....Not everybody who has been fitted for a straight jacket is honestly fit for one.

[@YoucancallmeMarcie]

I had a heart attack two days before my 45th birthday. i didnt know id had one because it presented as just a bad case of heartburn or indigestion. anyway i went to dr and long story short ended up in the hospital wherein a cardiologist would be consulted and when he was saying that id had a heart attack, possibly several over the past week and that i would be undergoing surgery, he sounded like charlie browns teacher, its the only time ive experienced this and i had to ask him to repeat himself.

[@LoveAuntAshley]

Is dissociation and overstimulation the same thing? I zone out A LOT when there are a lot of people around and it's too busy and the room is too small to comfortably accommodate that many people (I am claustrophobic and have been for years)

[@temi4116]

I do that among a group also. It's just too much energy and mood for me to process.

[@supermichaelssecondchannel4342]

Thank you for the work you do. It’s appreciated.❤

[@leslier302]

I would like to submit a question: Can you speak a little about splitting on yourself with BPD? I find that sometimes I'm triggered and I split on myself. Thinking I don't deserve love or kindness, that I'm a bad person and I don't deserve to live. It's such a dark place. It's even worse than splitting on others. I'd like to know more about this and what I can do in this spiral. I feel so implusive sometimes and it's so scary. I want to learn how to pull myself out

[@christinaheagy4602]

I used to stare out the window and daydream in 2nd grade, got yelled at by the teacher. One time in 2nd grade I didn't see my class go in and stayed past our recess time (there were other kids out there). I got in trouble when I came back in. Was that disassociation?

[@kalaodonnell2390]

I have been in several psychiatric hospitals very similar

[@nikkimckay860]

Kati Morton.the way you go into so much important helpful surportive advice in deep details on everyone's question s I'm really struggling to focus and connect with my therapist doing video call therapy session s is all I get right now I really lose interest and all the work we was doing .I so appreciate you please can I have some helpful caring advice?I feel I'm really dissociated in my video call therapy session s feeling like a failure and a disappointment to myself and my therapist ❤❤❤

[@amberhaynes9541]

Focusing on five sounds helps me so car outside, somebody typing,conversation close to me etc

[@YoucancallmeMarcie]

also i find myself drifting off in almost every conversation and i will listen a few times to your videos till i am paying attention.

[@aliciabadashian7234]

I procrastinate when it comes to self care and I link that to my self worth from growing up in a home with abuse. I also believe procrastination is a habit for me. I am aware of it and have to talk myself through it.

[@jontnoneya3404]

You should put chapters on your vids so we can easily skip over questions that don't apply to us. It's annoying to have to listen to questions we don't need and/or try to find the next question cuz it's difficult to do.

[@CyberTranceHero69]

Therapists at the veterans medical center always question you and assume you are lying.

[@iloveFreedom.]

🎉brilliant, love how multi perspective you are, and respectful of uniqueness

[@temi4116]

Laurie, I agree with your compliments of the speaker. I'm new to listening to this material. Today is my first time learning of this topic.

[@iloveFreedom.]

@@temi4116 🦢🌸🦋

[@hayliee4938]

I would give anything to be able to have you as my therapist. I’ve never gone, and I have so many mental health issues. I’m afraid of therapy altogether..but I KNOW I need it. I will not have a life if I don’t go

[@ababy6074]

Thanks for another great video from here in Queensland, Australia! I just got your book Traumatized already enjoying it! I am still hoping you will answer my question and will keep trying 😊

[@YoucancallmeMarcie]

my therapist told me to try to allow myself to not try to anticipate or thinking of respondiing

[@jenniferferris44]

😂 if thats what dissociating can appear like then i wonder if anyone thinks in ever not dissociating. I 'disconnect' from the world nonstop whenever i don't fight off excitement when i hear/see/think about one of my special interest. I'm autistic i dont do eye contact n if i do i freeze, brain goes blank, sometimes i snap into obedience mode cuz ABA. No Stimming, no movement, sitting still, then comes shaking(this is from trauma) difficulty breathing, rocking, crying, meltdown and im frozen in place untill im TOLD to take a break, then at least i only shutdown. Dont like shutting doen but omg so much gentler, i used to call it dissociating and still do sometimes, autopilot can do minimal basics such as put stuff in mouth, chew, choke, walk towards quiet area, lay down, cry, sleep, be confused(im not processing ur words), under 10 word vocabulary. But i can do most these in meltdown but fight not flight mode.

[@ILoveFountainPensCdn]

when I disconnect, I completely visually black out, even though my eyes are open, I only see a black screen and nothing else until I 'reboot' and come back to.

[@jackx6786]

Wat do u mean blackout?? Do u lose time? Or forget ??

[@yb4691]

Thanks Kati!

[@SleepyStardust3]

Watching reality TV and discerning what they feel is such a helpful thing! I started doing that recently. That and eye contact helps a lot. I HATE eye contact and looking at people though, but it has been worth it so far, even if the thought right before I look makes my stomach hurt. I have also had very bad experiences with therapy where they didn't believe me and even bullied me...

[@cassandra2685]

I disassociate when a dialogue is not interesting to me. Im aware It’s a rather selfish trait .. For example, I chose not to have children, when if I find myself amongst mothers who are talking about their kids I zone out.. or act like I’m listening because there is zero commonality in the dialogue. Do I suffer from a dissociation syndrome or am i simply not interested.

[@liadanlei]

Hey Kati! Thanks so much for the podcast, it's so so so helpful and I learn something new about myself and my relationship to therapy every episode. I noticed recently that you don't share anything about your personal life in the beginning like you used to. Is this a boundary you are setting or unintentional? Hope all is well with you and that you're feeling less burnout these days!

[@DianaMarie23051]

What is the difference between disassociation & derealization?? I can never remember. What can help me to remember the difference between them?

[@heatherbrenner8275]

When I took my son to see a therapist she said to me "I treat my minor clients the same way I treat adults, that is, I don't share anything with parents unless it's something I'm legally required too" I just said i was fine with that, I kind of thought that's how it should be anyways.

[@DianaMarie23051]

I would never trust a school counselor with my children these days.

[@lovelyrainflowerfarm]

The question raised around 55:00 - I believe what the commenter was saying was: she started talking about her trauma in therapy, and then after the third session her therapist asked her: if she was sure she wasn’t dreaming. she answered the question calmly in session but when she left, she began feeling tremendous rage at the implication that her trauma was imagined, and not real. I’m not sure if that was clear.

[@lenablanc7162]

*8: Gosh I wish my OCD would only take an hour a day. I'm barely functioning. My OCD compulsions pretty much control my day. I maybe have 1 or two hours where I can just sit and eat something for example.

[@princesschelsea1558]

It gets better ❤ for years I was the same way with my OCD, it became the focus of every second everyday. I’ve been on medication and in therapy for years now, and some days I barely notice it. It gets easier, I promise.

[@lenablanc7162]

Thank you. I hope it will get better..I'm going insane. I'm so exhausted and done. If you don't mind me asking. What medication do you take? Mine is not helping and it keeps getting worse. I'm happy you're so much better now.

[@princesschelsea1558]

@@lenablanc7162 I actually had a hard time with regular antidepressants for my OCD, so my therapist in college recommended Clomipramine (brand name is Anafranil) which is a tricyclic and I’ve been on it since which has been about 8 years ❤️ it’s been working extremely well for me

[@SunshineDaydream0717]

Omg... me too... it interferes with my whole life... it's so debilitating. I'm almost 37 and for me it seems to be getting worse the older I get. I'm also on meds and they do absolutely nothing. I feel chronically fatigued and like you said... I maybe have one or two hours where I could sit but most times I just end up falling asleep bc I'm so tired and then it feels like I'm getting no 'me time'... I'm a mother of 2 and I feel so burnt out. Sending you much light and love ✨️

[@M.Shepardbee]

Hmm how does one know if they are connected? I think I was connected one time; which is why I am listening and thinking.. there is no difference between being attentive in the conversation and pulling back to think, except that one time where I was probably the funniest I've ever been. That felt connected.

[@M.Shepardbee]

Would ASD make my stance make more sense or less?

[@dezzirose187]

3:19 I think no matter what you do when you parent there will be adverse effects, but it's ok no one is the same as the next and it's all part of the making of who you are yk? Humans are so complex, very very interesting to me.

[@jcthegirl]

55:25 Isn't this person saying the opposite, that their therapist invalidated them by implying the trauma they experienced was actually a dream? Or am i misunderstanding?

[@leannedoolan5463]

Hi Katy I was wondering when my young parts front they feel like they want like a hug or a physical touch. Is it ok to ask therapist for a hug or is that not ?

[@oliviashale5653]

isolation rooms definitely exist (at least, where i live, in Australia). super unhelpful. i was put in one once for the weekend due to a psychiatrist not believing that i had gained weight (which i had), and thinking that i had water-loaded for a weigh in - thus, they restricted my water intake over a couple of days, and isolated me - to then re-weigh me, and discover that i truly had gained weight. 🤦‍♀️ i feel for that person - and i'm sorry that you have been put through similar too. isolation isn't helpful for anyone, and it is a really dehumanising experience. all my love to you. also, kati, whilst on the topic of involuntary treatment - may i ask you if you believe if it is okay to force ECT onto patients, despite them being unwilling (this also happened to me, and it was something in which i really did not like, nor agree with - it is so invasive) - as a last ditch attempt to "heal" depression? thankyou so much for all of your videos and time - you are a gem.

[@intrusive-th0t]

Forced “treatment” is always unethical unless the patient is already unconscious and in a life-threatening situation or if someone has an advanced directive saying that that’s what they want.

[@cherylschumaker1366]

Would you say Most rooted symptoms come because one feels not worthy enough.....

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

Does anyone know how too disassociate so much you leave your body..without pain and suffering?

[@ThreeLittleTrees]

Do you see patients via zoom and if so are you taking new patients?

[@kitak24]

Thought it was interesting that she never saw anger and saw it as out of control and uneccissary but I saw way too much anger and think the same as she thought

[@FromAllowed2Aloud]

Yeah be careful about watching and commenting on lack of eye contact, Katie. Commenting on where her eyes are in an undiagnosed autistic person would absolutely be retraumatizing. Undiagnosed (and even diagnosed people sometimes) receive can be a sign of growing comfortable with you and not having to “mask” her real self. Don’t ruin that trust. Patterns of lack of eye contact may warrant an autism evaluation.

[@Gibbsong1]

I interpreted her discussion as referring to when a client has a baseline of confirms eye contact but then veers from that baseline.

[@FromAllowed2Aloud]

@@Gibbsong1 I had a typo or two in the second half of my reply, which may have made it confusing to read….but what I was saying is that in an autistic person, the deviation from ‘baseline’ good eye contact might actually be a sign that comfort is growing. If an autistic person is making lots of eye contact, that could largely be because if autistic “masking”. When the mask drops due to being more comfortable, very often eyes will do more of what comes naturally: avoiding eye contact more. It’s a testament of trust. Effortful Masking is automatic because they get berated for lack of eye contact so much in their lives.

[@kpanyc]

Right, but if the drop in contact came with more connection, that would be the opposite of what she's describing, which is eyes and attention both drifting off.

[@FromAllowed2Aloud]

@@kpanycnope. Incorrect. It’s the opposite with autism. Eyes drifting away from contact often means more attention. You should read up on it. Feeling the need to not mask with eye contact often allows the autistic person to actually attend *more* not less to the therapist.

[@anniep855]

Parents should be involved in their child’s psychological healthcare. If needed, the parents may also need help, and closing them out could only make it worse for the child.

[@intrusive-th0t]

My abusive mother was involved in my psychological healthcare and it only made things worse and gave her more shit to hold over my head and exert control over me with.

[@qamaruzzamanmalik7152]

You are not a mistake at all.

[@oneoftheninetynine3953]

The person who asked your first question sounds like she's suffering from not eating properly regardless of any other issues.

[@judyconte6566]

Would be interested in knowing how to become a patient with you and do you do tella health ? What type of patiences do you take on ? Is there a phone number I can call to get more information ????

[@GeorgePalmer-m8m]

At least I'll be drunk when I die. Alcohol is my true love.

[@rebeccahartmann9083]

The new thing schools use are "interventionists".

[@A_Me_Amy]

I love God. God is so beautiful and cool. He does so many awesome things :p Seek his best to find your best.

[@witchkingfire]

how old are you you dont look 40 are you 30

[@lwright1554]

Honestly, why does every one of these videos, from sewing, to recipes, to life hacks, and NOW, therapy of all things, have that irritating jingly, happy, intro music! Shame, as the subject is valid and and an excellent topic to cover. Pleeease turn it off.

[@Jaebee2626]

❤🙏🏻🫶🏼

[@vikki4now]

She didnt say her parents were abusive. You should never advice a minor to get advice without the parents knowing. I DONT trust your advice at this point.