Limmy's Show: Jacqueline McCafferty: Ceilidh

[@changer_of_ways_999]

I like how out of all of his characters, the female one has the deepest voice.

[@jacquesmesrine8031]

That's Glasgow for you, the only place in the world where men speak like they been bear trapped by the baws and women like they've smoked 2 packs of Rothmans a day. In fact, Limmy might have the deepest voice a weegie can have

[@theguyinthefunnyhat]

"I've not had a good man for as long as I can remember, and I remember fuck all." Comedy gold.

[@masonclements3988]

I feel like Limmy still dresses up when he does the voice over for Jacqueline McCafferty

[@tommillard4193]

😂😂

[@coronalights9693]

he doesn't do her voice though

[@planetofthegapes]

@@coronalights9693 yeah he does

[@ManWalksDogs]

@@planetofthegapeshave you tried chucking him any bits on twitch and getting him to do his old turns, see what response you get...?

[@wyrdscynce]

thats limmy's twin sister, sharon. she actually gets the stubble done to look just like her brother

[@fehzorz]

This is actually a really sad sketch. She has so much shame and such low self esteem that when people are nice to her, she thinks it's a trick.

[@changer_of_ways_999]

It's a self fulfilling prophesy, low self esteem and distrust.

[@pendafen7405]

Reckon she was so popular at the ceilidh because she was so open about what was going on with her. We're all so terrified of gentle honesty and transparency, but it can really be so refreshing and give positive momentum to relationships old and new.

[@Sausagemasterrr]

@@pendafen7405 this is too nice a comment to be stuck in the replies of a limmy sketch :)

[@luisalejandromesav1599]

This happens a lot when you lie an eye upon a not too attractive woman, they usually think one is trying to trick them or have ulterior motives, or maybe one is too social inadequate that has to go for an ugly woman. In the end you end losing your own value due to their low self esteem.

[@Gullysands]

Men will fuck literally anything so not even unrealistic

[@llcoolb85]

The way the camera zooms out to the full kilt outfit has me rolling everytime hahaha

[@gl3110]

Poor Jacqueline, she deserves happiness and her daughter deserves a new da.

[@lonewolfandcub668]

I'm now seriously questioning things because Limmy makes a passable bird

[@ChodeMaster]

What

[@cosmosisrose]

Chode Master ᛉ what do you mean, what?

[@upyoursdotcom]

@@ChodeMaster There are very few things this comment can mean.

[@scottwhitley3392]

Chode Master ᛉ he means Limmy makes a passible woman

[@liverturcxdanpavs]

Bird = woman

[@pakora81]

The night Matthew, I'm gonnae be an embarrassment to maself

[@fezziwig184]

Who is Matthew?

[@gigic2832]

Fezziwig18 she’s referencing stars in their eyes, it’s a show where people would go on and perform as their favourite singer so before they went behind the scene to get ready they’d tell the host Matthew who they were gonna be :)

[@matttzzz2]

I always thought she and limmy (on his stream) were saying "tonight mafia" perhaps referring to a mafia mobile game or something

[@tomimpala]

"Ah haven't had a good man fae as long as I can remember, and I remember fuck all" ahhahaha

[@Crackpunch]

I'm normally spot on with his accent, but this was a tough one.

[@polly6336]

My names' Jacqueline McCafferty and I used to be a junkie. I've not had a good man for as long as I can remember, and I remember fuck all. So I headed round to the community centre for the Ceilidh speed dating. I thought "try it Jacqueline, you'll just be dancing, you won't get a chance to open your big stupid mouth and make a fool of yourself. You could find somebody special, God know you deserve it pal". So I walks through the door and there's everyone staring at us, like I'm on fucking 'Stars in their Eyes', but I didnae mind cos I was looking good and feeling good. Until I clocked that all the guys were wearing kilts and all the women weren't... bar me. I didn't know what I was thinking, I didn't know where to look. Alright Matthew, tonight I'm gunna be... an embarrassment to myself. [The bit during the dancing is about heroine, methadone, his daughter needing a new father, he's done his soles (of his shoes) in.] Next: They all laughed at us, all night long and every dance they were delighted to see me: oh look who it is, it's Jacqueline! I was in there man. In there. But how? How? What is it they see in me anyway? What kinda guy would want to meet up with me? And then I thought, right enough, cos what was it that Groucho Marx once said? "See anyone who would want somebody like me as part of their club... they can get their selves to fuck.

[@hamadaearth]

AND I REMEMBER FUCK ALL.

[@alteredbeast7145]

"Tonight, Mathew, Im gonnae be: an embarrasment tae masel" 😂😂😂

[@GooseMcSwan]

The Groucho Marx quote was profound.

[@TorkG8]

No, he isn't laughing at her, he explained once that he saw someone just like her dancing with her child while in America. She had an air of "Look at me now!" He perceived her as someone with a chip on her shoulder about how her life used to be and how it's so much better now and as someone who enjoys telling everyone about her 'bad times'. It was simply an observational moment and he decided on a similar Glasgow character,

[@TorkG8]

He makes some great sketches from observational moments he's had. It's comedy, you're meant to laugh but I don't feel that makes him a cunt. Just my opinion. :)

[@EXXTSON]

You're mom, stfu

[@johnnys3501]

EXXTSON you are mom?

[@dakota4575]

@@johnnys3501 now you're are getting it

[@coronalights9693]

This is a masterpiece.

[@Macho_Fantastico]

The voice cracks me up every time.

[@crichtonhamilton7775]

This is 3 out of every 5 women in the Glasgow area , and the other 2 have no where near as much class as this

[@88omair]

Bloody brilliant

[@victaylor1]

Cock

[@Harew0lf]

@@victaylor1 prick

[@jadem694]

Can't imagine where you come from with a surname for a first name lol

[@crichtonhamilton7775]

@@jadem694 so okay ,you have no imagination , thanks for sharing that

[@Ianmundo]

“feel like I’ve done my soles in with the jaggin’” 😂 💉 🦶

[@hashmasterflash3951]

Feel as if ave done ma soles in wae the jaggin' no? 🤣😂

[@lithuang]

Hash MasterFlash does jaggin = injecting heroin into her soles? Or dancing

[@jamesthomson3372]

@@lithuang jaggin smack in her feet m8.

[@lithuang]

@@jamesthomson3372 thanks for confirming

[@pendafen7405]

Must say Jac's makeup was really pretty here💖

[@gameking50P]

The average woman in Glasgow 👀👀👀

[@waptek2]

only if you lucky

[@superuberjedimaster]

I fuckin wish I understood what's being said here. I love every Limmys sketch which I can understand.

[@ummno3703]

jacqueline's face at 0:06 lmfao

[@adamg4336]

And ah used tae be a Junkeh

[@rebeccarose3]

Ok since i was born and have lived in scotland all my life, here is a rough transcript since some of you dont understand. Ive tried my best :) (ive also added more info at the bottom and in brackets incase you dont understand the meaning of certain phrases!!) My name is Jacqueline McCafferty and i used to be a junkie. I've not had a good man for as long as i can remember and i remember fuck all (nothing). So i headed 'round to the community centre for the ceilidh* speed dating. I thought, "Try it, Jacqueline! You'll just be dancing, you won't have a chance to open your big, stupid mouth and make a fool of yourself. You could find somebody special, god knows that you deserve it, pal." Woman: "Ok, have a lovely night, thank you." "Hi there, what's your name?" Jacqueline: " Jacqueline." Woman: "Alright, Jacqueline. If you just stand there. I'm just gonna take your photo and put it up here on the wall, and if anybody is interested in you they'll put their card in the pouch under your photo and vice versa. Alright?" Jacqueline: "Alright." --- Jacqueline ( inner monologue ) : "So i walked through the door and there's everybody staring at me like they have stars in their eyes. But i didnt mind, because i was looking good and feeling good. Until i clocked (saw) that all the guys were wearing kilts* and all the women weren't, except me." "I don't know what i was thinking, i didn't know where to look. This night, Matthew, i'm going to be an embarrasment to myself." *Music starts* Jacqueline: "I lost 3 years of my life to heroine." "-and another 5 (years) on a methadone program that was meant to get me off it" "It's because i've got my daughter back, she needs a new father" "You lot have done my soles (shoe soles) in with the jagging." Jacqueline ( inner monologue) : "They all laughed at me. All night long on every dance. They were delighted to see me. "Oh look who it is, it's jacqueline" (sarcasm)" "I was in there man, in there. But how? How? What is it that they see in me anyway? What kind of guy would want to meet up with me?" "And then i thought, right enough. Because what was it that the great Groucho Marx once said?" "See anybody who would want somebody like me as a member of their club? They can get themselves to fuck.*" *door closes* More info: * - Ceilidh is an event with scottish music and tradional dancing, pronounced: kay-lee * - Kilts are traditional clothing for men * - "get themselves to fuck" means the same as "go to hell"

[@onthewattle]

The name is Groucho Marx

[@FrankAtanassow]

Thanks for taking the time to write this out.

[@rukahazuki6650]

Thank you so much for this!

[@andress4780]

hero

[@peterjenkins2838]

Just woke the Mrs up, pissin' marsel.

[@jemimallah2591]

FEEL LIT AHVE DONE MA SOLES IN WI THE JAGGIN

[@ritchyfox]

when the music starts and Jacqueline starts her introductions I am pissing myself, that is so fucking funny.

[@starforever4091]

I stayed in cranhill for a couple yrs when I was tiny so if you know the place back then it was a jungle I swear limmy is bang on with this I knew multiple Jackie’s jimmy is spot on with his sense of humour 👌 All his stuff is basically life in Glasgow well it is for me my whole family and mostly every one I know I love limmy was in my generation ❤

[@CelineRazavi]

This is a proper film.

[@martynduffy]

Jacqueline McCafferty has me rolling every time. Even through such low moods I’d you tube a bit to make the dark a wee bit more light. Priesthill black necks 😂😂😂😂. Poor cow “lost 3 year to the heroin and another 5 year on the methadone that was meant to get us aff it”.

[@Nopperabou]

KZbin captions doesn't work for this.

[@Brazen1234]

when it cuts to her wearing the kilt i nearly died.

[@crystal1329]

We need subtitles aye

[@VampireSock]

The subtitles are hilarious. No where near 🤣

[@TrailBlazer5280]

that ending misquote 😂

[@skavcic]

I understood fuck all.

[@edstars321]

Can anyone tell me what she says after 1:55 i honestly cant understand what she's saying ,-,

[@strewf]

Cos what was it that Groucho Marx once said. See anyone who'd want somebody like me as a member of their club...they can get themselves to fuck.

[@Nullllus]

*Cause what was that Groucho Marx once said, 'Say, anybody would want somebody like me as a member of their club, they can get themselves to fuck'* I'm not a native speaker though.)

[@FaridShahidinejad]

Nullll1111 thanks but I don't get what he meant by that

[@FaridShahidinejad]

@jemimallah hahaha. Thanks for explaining. Damn. Limmy is a genius.

[@waptek2]

I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member' & I wouldn't want to belong to a club that wouldn't have me as a member'

[@michaelcollins1717]

What the fuck is Marty Pellow doing speed dating?

[@ChaossX77]

She has such a beautiful voice.

[@devilntor4660]

if only jacqueline met Dee Dee

[@blakkneit9779]

the moment i saw the theme of the party i knew jacquline had to wear a kilt :D

[@Kieran84ire]

I'm not very bright, can someone explain why she thought she wasn't doing well with the lads and then got a load of numbers?

[@elrosso10001]

She is worried that they only like her because she is an oddity, rather than who she is

[@EAZYED420]

In case you didnt know, she used to be a junkie. Poor thing lost 3 years of her life to heroin........... and another 5 year on a methadone program that was meant to get her off it.

[@coronalights9693]

Because she is very insecure; She uses the excuse that there must be something wrong with the guys if they want to be with her.

[@fehzorz]

She's insecure and ashamed about losing 3 years of her life on heroin and another 5 on a methadone program that was meant to get her off it. So even though she's well the lads she doesn't believe it, and thinks that there must be something horribly wrong with people if they're interested in her. It's a really good sketch about low self esteem.

[@uttaradit2]

2.30 the discos closing - I'd take him home

[@darrenyorkshire]

slamming a slow close door hahhaha

[@jeffb8259]

I wish I understood this language

[@KirbyMario12345_939]

Living proof that nothing is more romantic than a woman rambling about getting over a heroine addiction while wearing a kilt. Now, if you read my comment, noticed the lack of commas, and you're asking, "Is the woman just coincidentally wearing a kilt, while talking about her heroine addiction? Or was the kilt somehow involved in the heroine addiction itself? Or... was the kilt involved in her getting over her addiction?" The answer, indeed, can be whatever you want it to be.

[@kierancaldwell3442]

I mean I doubt she could have gotten over the addiction without a kilt tbh

[@vilentman111]

0:52 Full homo, Limmy looks amazing here

[@TrasherBiner]

What's the name of the song in the dance?

[@danielhorn2322]

any song by drop kick murphy?

[@whocares_bear]

Yeah, I need subtitles for that last thing Jaqueline said (her reasoning for throwing all those numbers in the trash).

[@annabellelin7730]

rebeccarose3 transcribed this in another comment: "How? What is it that they see in me anyway? What kind of guy would want to meet up with me?" "And then I thought, right enough. Because what was it that the Great Groucho Marx said? "See anyone who would want me as a member of their club? Well they can get themselves to fuck."

[@thejuiceweasel]

I really, really wish I was still dating just so I could slip someone a card saying "GEEZA PHONE"

[@missbelladonna24]

This is pretty deep haha

[@froggylord655]

Roses are red kitcats are crunchy 0:00

[@Unfortunatelebanese]

nice

[@PunchMSX]

GIES A PHONE

[@CalumOH]

Season 4?

[@retsuza]

Alba Gu Brath I only really got into it recently but fuck me I need series 4

[@paintdry84]

the way she ceilidh her way out

[@Brazen1234]

jaquline ya maddy geeza phone

[@orange_leaf4913]

why did she throw the cards away I can't understand what she's saying

[@dustinmendel4177]

She made a fool of herself, so she decided that anyone that was still interested in her had to have something wrong with them

[@coronalights9693]

she paraphrases Groucho Marx's quote "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

[@coronalights9693]

@@dustinmendel4177 she did not make a fool of herself

[@eddiefraser4373]

BAR ME!?

[@adzy166]

Tonight Matthew! Ha ha ha ha

[@jay-leeofficialcctv]

never seen this b4 heard it on the podcast tho

[@oliveryt7168]

That lady will turn the weens against us!

[@jadem694]

*weans

[@Kelly14UK]

Names please of the supporting cast from Series 1, then names please of the cast from 2 and 3, plus who played the wee bearded guy at the table in that chip shop sketch ( he'll destroy our way of life) . I already know of Mearns from Legit, but whose the rest of Limmy's supporting cast? Ta y'all. Maryhill. Stay Safe.

[@Kelly14UK]

@Ricky Irish * Maw

[@ManWalksDogs]

Series Cast Brian Limond Brian Limond ... Various Characters / ...20 episodes, 2009-2013 Debbie Welsh Debbie Welsh ... Various Characters8 episodes, 2009-2011 Tom Brogan Tom Brogan ... Various Characters8 episodes, 2009-2011 Raymond Mearns Raymond Mearns ... Various Characters8 episodes, 2009-2011 Alan McHugh Alan McHugh ... Various Characters / ...8 episodes, 2011-2012 Omar Raza Omar Raza ... Various Characters / ...7 episodes, 2010-2011 Paul McCole Paul McCole ... Various Characters / ...6 episodes, 2011-2012 Kirstin McLean Kirstin McLean ... Various Characters / ...6 episodes, 2011-2012 Mia Druce Mia Druce ... Various Characters2 episodes, 2010-2011 William Findlay William Findlay ... Various Characters2 episodes, 2010 Martin Quinn Martin Quinn ... Various Characters2 episodes, 2010 Marie McLaren Marie McLaren ... Various Characters2 episodes, 2010 Sean Howie Sean Howie ... Various Characters2 episodes, 2010 Ryan Fletcher Ryan Fletcher ... Various Characters1 episode, 2011 Duncan Airlie James Duncan Airlie James ... Bed Chariot Pusher1 episode, 2012 Mark Ainslie Mark Ainslie ... Various Characters1 episode, 2011 Robbie Magee Robbie Magee ... Various Characters1 episode, 2011 Frankie O'Donnell Frankie O'Donnell ... Various Characters1 episode, 2011 Marco Branco Marco Branco ... Various Characters1 episode, 2010 Andrew McGeachie Andrew McGeachie ... Pool player1 episode, 2012 Heather Morrison Heather Morrison ... Extra1 episode, 2012 Calum Kelly Bain Calum Kelly Bain ... Mark1 episode, 2012 Gavin Smith Gavin Smith ... Variousunknown episodes Will Jordan Will Jordan ... Jogger (uncredited)1 episode, 2011 Christopher McPhillips Christopher McPhillips ... Clowner (uncredited)1 episode, 2011 Adam Smith Adam Smith ... Yoker Resident (uncredited)1 episode, 2011 Ben Bradley Ben Bradley ... Various Roles (uncredited)1 episode, 2012 Robert Yates Robert Yates ... Bed Chariot Pusher (uncredited)1 episode, 2012

[@yttrv8430]

God knows you deserve it, pal/ God knows you deserve a pal

[@mightytaco123]

Reminds me of my alcoholic aunt who only talks about how much she loves her kids and much she claims that she’s a good mother when she’s black out drunk. Which is a very common occurrence. She literally leaves for weeks and comes back with no money

[@mightytaco123]

Cthulhu The Unholy DK I took her to a male stripper Christmas special for the ladies for her Christmas present cause she’s sort of a party girl, and you know what? All se did was talk about how much she misses her ex in jail. She felt like she needed to pay me back I guess so she took me to a normal strip club because she knows I like my women. And when we got there all she did was talk about how she missed her OTHER ex boyfriend who died and got mad at me when I wasn’t paying attention to her cause I was watching the ladies strip their clothes off and dance. She’s so fuckin annoying to take to strip clubs

[@faire7410]

Your aunt seems like a good person i hope she gets her shit together so she can show her kids the love she got for them

[@Ma_rkw589]

@@mightytaco123 give us some more stories bro these are great

[@mightytaco123]

dark mavid are u sure?

[@mightytaco123]

dark mavid if you really want to hear more stories of my alcoholic aunt I guess I can tell you. But I don’t know If your serious.

[@teammichael4952]

Is Jaqueline still single 😂😂😂

[@akilahthompson3451]

No she got married to a male nurse. She fell down the stairs and broke almost every bone in her body and he was the one that took care of her.

[@starsech12]

@Akilah Thompson her feather would be proud

[@akilahthompson3451]

@@starsech12 100 percent!!

[@OM10PYE]

I remember fuck aw

[@Graterstuuf]

Jacqueline a 9 in a room full of 2s

[@shadon551]

Annnd that's exactly what Aussies see when they look at Scotsmen. And it's not even that which stops us talking to them. It's the fact we can't understand a single word they're saying. And that's in English!! Apparently they go off into a complete language of their own that isn't English. And you can't tell😳 They've even got their own unique tone they speak in as another language only they seem to understand. It's called angry. Everything they say is in frustratingly angry monotone they can't seem to escape from. They even fart angry. And then you make eye contact with one and they say something. And yeah then your stuck in the "did you just say something to me" and they go,, something frustrating and angry sounding And you seriously don't know if he did or not or if he's going into some kind of Gaelic convulsions or just in need of an excorcist.

[@Wombattlr]

I mean, you say that, but our Boganese is even worse

[@peteelderman8606]

I think it's a lovely accent

[@cypher50]

I'm starting to think that Jacqueline McCafferty is just a dude with a wig.

[@retrodude123]

I've not had a good man as long as I can remember.. and I remember fuck all

[@filipl234]

That's jeeeestah

[@TheOneCleanHippy]

I wish Limmy Show had subtitles.

[@omairsh8]

On Netflix it does

[@lilssworld3311]

Hi limmy. My mom says hi cos we're also Scottish

[@pinkmichelefloyd]

I over analyze everything. Why did Jacqueline wear a kilt in the first place? I thought that was men's clothing. Is it a thing at speed dating to dress as the opposite gender? I come to you pleading absolute ignorance. Thank you!

[@lea6555]

You're right, it IS part of the men's clothing, not the women's. She realises this when she walks in, saying 'tonight Matthew, I'm going to be an embarrassment to m' self' (UK tv show decades ago called Stars in Their Eyes, ordinary folk dressed up and imitated famous singers with the entrance speech, 'tonight Matthew (host), I'm going to be......." as she realises she's the only women wearing a kilt 😊👍

[@pinkmichelefloyd]

@@lea6555 I appreciate your response. I've reflected upon it for a month now but I still don't understand. Can you explain to me like I was 3 years old why Jacqueline would have chosen to wear a kilt that night? Your reply was so thoughtful but I still just can't understand. If it's because she's brain-addled, then that's an answer I can live with. Thank you.

[@dougiegraham662]

@@pinkmichelefloyd It's because she is going to a ceilidh(traditional Scottish dance event) As she is from a rough part of Glasgow,she probably didn't know that the women wear different clothes,and only knows that the kilt is traditional for Scottish dancing

[@pinkmichelefloyd]

@@dougiegraham662 You guys have gotten through to me. I get the joke now and laughed for the first time at the costume reveal. I thank you!

[@peteelderman8606]

It's ok I over think things too

[@yatesy117]

She needs a new favour haha

[@boogboog8097]

Jeezo merciless 😆

[@thecstineman]

would you?

[@ianfraserkilmister5608]

Ahv no hud a good man fur as long as ah can remember, and ah remember fuck all 🤣🤣

[@kevinbrown1585]

Fuckin luv it man hilarious😄

[@pinkmichelefloyd]

I get the first dance partner conversation was about three years on heroin and then another five years on methadone, the last dance she was talking about her heroin poke holes in the feet but what is the middle conversation?? Something about how she got her daughter back but what? "She needs a new what??" Someone please help. Thank you!

[@matthoughton8174]

She needs a new father

[@pinkmichelefloyd]

@@matthoughton8174 thank you!

[@rudybronzeman328]

ngl i din nae understan wae he sain

[@LeonardCrassman]

Nani

[@fajitaboys]

right to ya

[@IrishFuryan]

Humiliation ritual

[@TeleportUsToMars.]

🤣

[@saturn1returns]

I liked the podcast better. This is still braw.

[@andym2498]

I dont understand anything he's saying lmfao

[@nervesinapattern7261]

Sharonda Leaky Jackson and subtitles definitely won’t help ya 😂

[@jokedejojo]

She, you transphobe.

[@victaylor1]

Only decent character he has.

[@salj.5459]

No love for Falconhoof?

[@ManWalksDogs]

@@salj.5459or Dee Dee?

[@mapleleafer74]

Fucken class.