Living with Chronic Suicidality

[@sweetluvgurl]

I hate the “it gets better” campaigns, too. It makes depression sound like it’s temporary and can just go away. If someone has severe depression, sometimes nothing they do helps. That’s just the reality. And some people’s lives just never improve.

[@patrickjohnson7162]

Yet I am sure I couldn't muster up the courage to jump

[@ginichase5648]

Thank you so much profusely for these videos. Until you I have had train wreck Bipolar1 😞 and felt very alone. Thank you for putting yourself out there. This right here, this finally hit right now.

[@florenceflorence6899]

You certainly don't get a chance to get better within that morrons environment mentality !! Let's be honest with them it's a disease to be happy !! Youd best off with your gym buds than in an hospital ,surely you don't have to be Einstein to find that out ,these carers make you lose all your life purpose because they do not have one sadly ! As clear as that it's not you it's the sick environment

[@miguellle]

The worst frase for me is "it's ok to be not ok"

[@TheJoshuaJames]

“What made you sad?” Lol If I knew I wouldn’t tell you 🎉

[@abethepunk]

"It gets better. For some people, maybe it doesn't." I love you lady

[@Solscapes.]

I read a few things suggesting that not having social support is generally the reason mental health issues don't get better, but that that fact wasn't profitable enough for the pharma companies to let it be shared.

[@notsosuavemate]

So true even though I still go through it from time to time.

[@SabiLewSounds]

Yes, this, my life has never gotten away from poverty even as hard as I am fighting

[@Qwertyuiiop123]

@@notsosuavematehi, how are you❤

[@Qwertyuiiop123]

@@Solscapes.hi, how are you❤

[@adamstephens9043]

Absolutely right. If you're not in immediate crisis no one cares. I've been dealing with chronic suicidality for years. It's every day, often all day. I've been sent to the hospital a couple of times, which did nothing for me. It's almost like no one even believes me when I tell them I'm afraid that one of these days I'll finally just do it, spontaneously. No one cares. No one cares.

[@roxannemaguire9844]

I think many people do care very deeply! Unfortunately many things about the mind/brain are still a mystery. Perhaps some better answers are right around the corner!

[@CricketGirrl]

And if you mention it to your therapist, they stop talking to you and make you call 911. Where they don't take you seriously because it's chronic, not acute. So you try to talk to your therapist, who stops talking to you and makes you call 911. Where they don't take you seriously because it's chronic and not acute. So you talk to your therapist.... See where I'm going? It never ends, and we are never helped.

[@missovercomer2488]

Right! And then the very same people who say they care don't really care, because they're never there for you! It's like, do you know how hard it is to choose life every day with this illness? The least people can do is check in, but they can't be bothered!

[@CricketGirrl]

@@missovercomer2488 YES!!!! Omg, this is exactly how I feel. Thank you so much for saying it.

[@Bluemoonjellyfishh]

I feel you hun. 3am here brain won’t stop the skin crawling:’)

[@virginiasummer2619]

My husband completed suicide this summer- I knew he was depressed but he would never admit to it- maybe he had something else, some other mood disorder . I figured out that he seemed depressed/ extremely moody as a young wife. His death by suicide was something I never expected, we worked through some tough times but came through them . It came as a huge shock and felt like a betrayal.Now as I think about I realize that he had a plan, possibly for a very long time. I had not heard about chronic suicidality but this sounds like what he may have been going through. His death was abrupt, impulsive, but so was he. We had a long mostly happy marriage, almost 35 years, ( I’ve had a couple of people say that it can not be true because he died by suicide!), one of our children has been suicidal for a long time ( she gets help through therapy, exercise, a good marriage and some medication). I asked him to get a physical to test for thyroid, testosterone, etc, but he would not. I am not hiding his death and people really don’t want to talk about him but I feel that it would be disrespectful not to. He was a good man, complicated and intelligent but he would NOT accept that he needed help. He was estranged from his whole family but not ours nor mine. There was no shame about mental illness in my family nor ours, I should have been possibly more patient, he was just unreachable by me and our children. Burnout I now think was an issue too when I hear you speak about the larger factors. He had friends too, but he just shut us all out. I miss him so much. I wish he had seen your videos, what a relief to talk about suicidality openly and honestly. You present yourself extremely well, and you make a great spokeswoman for mental health.

[@jhonrydc110]

Sorry for your loss

[@GabrielleTollerson]

omg.. 💔 I'm so sorry

[@debw5203]

sorry for your loss. I can totally relate having been down the dame path with my Children's father.

[@hopelessly.hopeful]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your husband's depression and chronic suicidality did not mean you two weren't OK in your relationship. I know from loving someone with the same condition, they were the closest they ever came to being truly happy, when with me. The darkness... It is something within them. Your external relationship cannot heal that. It doesn't mean you didn't have a good, solid thing 💜

[@franciscasousa2883]

Obrigada por falar sobre esse tema 🙏🏼❤️ parabéns pela lucidez. Só quem convive sabe a importância.

[@mrs.noodles]

Thoughts of suicide have been with me since I was a child. It's always just been there, simmering in the background. When I've talked about it, people freak out and assume I'm about to attempt it rather than just listen to me. The medicalized approach has made things worse for me - not better. It doesn't get better - you just learn to live with it. I'm very glad to hear you speak the truth about how life doesn't really matter. It's true. You have to forge ahead and try and make your own meaning. And then, you die. It's absurd! I'm also glad you mentioned housing and food insecurity. I live in deep poverty and it accounts for about 75% of my chronic stress. Last time I saw my psych, we decided to try a new med. As he was writing the prescription, I asked him "Can you write me a prescription for food and rent?" If those stressors were taken care of, I wouldn't need as many meds!

[@YokaiPie]

Exactly! I've also struggled with these ideas since I was a child and now, as an adult, it can be difficult to stay positive when there are so many environmental factors that make good mental health difficult to achieve. Not to mention there are so many depressing things going on the world that may not directly affect me but still weigh on me.

[@cathy7382]

If I weren't a Christian, life wouldn't have meaning

[@spiritofmatter1881]

Genau gesagt.

[@tracy6568]

OMG! I didn't think anyone else thought like me! Thankyou 🙏 it's not just me!

[@IlaughedIcried]

I feel like I could have written this comment, exactly. All of this. Solidarity, Mrs. N.

[@bjharvey3021]

you describe this perfectly. just a passive desire not to be alive.

[@Valdagast]

There's a Swedish book called "I don't want to die, I just don't want to be alive."

[@cathy7382]

God gives you life, and gives meaningful activity and social connections to help

[@Prisma4321]

What about when every single one of those connections goes away??

[@Guys_Love_Each_Other]

@@cathy7382 god is not real thing, its religious fairy tail book you think is real sky daddy book

[@telena5042]

I explained it like this to my therapist once: I will not jump in front of a bus to end my own life, but if a bus jumps the curb and comes at me - I won't move out of the way.

[@bjharvey3021]

Agreed. Whenever I talk to an expert about feeling suicidal, they turn me away because I have the urges under control ... just barely under control. So the signal from the system is "stop wasting our time and call back when you're serious about it." In the hospital I presented as suicidal and was put in a booth until I got myself under control about 12 hours later.

[@GabrielleTollerson]

yeah I HATE THAT

[@leshikokubika486]

They are absolutely right. Your condition is characterized by how critical you are of your thoughts and feelings. Your thoughts and feelings may deceive you, but you have the ability to determine which thoughts and feelings are normal for you and which of them are abnormal. You don't have to take any thoughts and feelings as a guide to action. Only a fool is led to any of his soul movements. If you understand that suicidal thoughts are not what you would like for yourself, this is not what your mother would like for you, then everything is not so bad. Treat these thoughts as different stuff that gets into your head, but try to treat it with humor. Imagine that a man is walking by and here he is accosting you with this bullshit. And you tell him everything you can say in this case.

[@sarah_ferguson]

The other week, a paramedic refused to take me to hospital. They told me to call emergency the next day and ask for a corresponder. I did what he said to do and the person in charge of sending out a corresponder told me I wasn’t an emergency. I ask police why they don’t want to stop cyber bullying, which was my latest suicidal trigger. I had a senior seargent of my local station literally hang up on me, after my complaint of a detective forcing me to sign a withdrawl of my claims of the gaming abuse. I don’t know what else to do. The bullying doesn’t stop. They continue with other people, not just me. Police and medics don’t do anything to stop bullies, because it’s “not a crime”.

[@tracy6568]

Yup! The mental health here in the UK have not bothered with me in about two years they got fed up with me. I have suicidal thoughts 24hrs a day it's my crutch.

[@mentalhealthmolly]

I made this for people like you and me who struggle with suicidal thoughts. kzbin.info/aero/PL4mWyJOTVD-7jmTIJ9UGufD604wYzhY0s

[@avery-brown]

Ketamine treatments stopped my chronic suicidality in its tracks. Immediate relief in the first 45 minutes after the IV infusion. It was like the heavy blanket finally lifted. I continue to go in for maintenance and my depression is now in remission!! Amazing after such a deep, chronic depression I thought I’d never escape from. It seriously saved my life.

[@sweetluvgurl]

Thanks for sharing. I’ve been wanting to do an alternative therapy. This was one of the ones I’ve considered. What exactly do ketamine treatments do?

[@clemdelaclem]

It's dangerous to hail one specific drug as the solution to everything, psychiatry is a process of trial and error and currently ketamine is at the very end of that process, along with ECT. It's also still illegal in many countries so your post might make someone consider illegal drugs. Anyone reading this should bring it up with their psychiatrist but not consider it a surefire solution I'm not aware of any study demonstrating long-term betterment but it definitely helps short term and I think more countries should consider legalizing it as treatment

[@avery-brown]

@@clemdelaclem Not sure why you felt the need to comment this. My post was about sharing my personal experience and success with the treatment; nowhere did I "hail" it as a panacea for everything. Please examine your internalized stigma. Ketamine is regulated and legal for medical professionals to use and prescribe in hospital and clinical settings. It is, like most medications, illegal for individuals to obtain for the non-prescribed purpose of selling or abusing.

[@avery-brown]

@Terri Caton Art so sorry about your son. Yes, I was skeptical after 13 failed trials of medications. I thought I was the unlucky soul who would never be happy. But I’m so glad I gave it a try because honestly it is about the closest thing to a miracle I’ve ever experienced. I was on the edge, and it saved my life. And I know several others who have said the same thing. I really hope that it is someday covered by insurance.

[@heekyungkim8147]

I wish I could get katamine treatment because nothing works with my depression and wish for death regularly. Unfortunately in my country. Katamine is illegal. Where did you get your K treatment done ?

[@kikitauer]

I usually stay silent because I have autism not schizophrenia. I just listen, I love Lauren she is great. Anyway, autistic people are another group of people where the suicide rate is very high. I myself have had such thoughts for more than twenty years (and never told anyone). But my reasoning is not that it doesn't matter to be alive. It just too painful to push through another day. There are many comorbidities to autism and I myself have some of them and then some other conditions on top of that. So the pain is intense. Otherwise I relate very much to Lauren 💜

[@sarah_ferguson]

I’m autistic too, and I struggle with suicidal thoughts, or a temptation to leave this world. I use all of my power to change the world so it’s worth living in for the innocent people who are opressed. Even that is a struggle. I’m a female gamer who streams. Bullying is really bad. I wish life were easier. Thankfully I have faith in God. Without that, my passion would be minimal. I keep saying to my autistic housemates, “If everyone was autistic, the world would make more sense, and we’d look normal.”

[@youtubename7819]

Yes!!! Bullying from my family, my peers at school, and now coworkers have driven me to want to unalive myself more than once. There is a lot of pathologizing autism as “unempathetic,” but I will never stop being shocked and horrified by how much allistic people ENJOY harming others. Autistic people make mistakes but I’ve never observed one who smirks and crows and enjoys harming others like the average allistic person. It’s sad and painful and chronic and of course I just want to go home/rest forever. It’s tough to stay motivated when experience has taught you that this will be your life, every day, until you die.

[@youtubename7819]

@@sarah_ferguson I am lucky enough to have experienced actual provable divine intervention in my life. Yes, I recognize that sounds crazy, but I just can’t lie about something this important. So from one burdened autistic woman to another, I just want you to know that god is absolutely real and no matter what happens, we all get to go home and rest. God knows your pain and is so happy to hold you and comfort you and you will one day know it fully in your experience. Good luck to you.

[@kikitauer]

@@youtubename7819 Take care 💜 I could talk about my experience but it would turn into the hatefest. I also meant the physical pain too, but I won't talk about it either. It is comforting to know that I am not alone though 🤗

[@kikitauer]

@@D0vin00 Self diagnosis is valid. Sure, it won't give you accomodations in work but we would accept you as community ❤

[@alanefideler7234]

I had no idea there was a name for this, but it's basically the way I've felt since I was about 9, but didn't have a name for it until my late 20s. I've attempted 4 times since I was 17; I've found therapy and resources that help, and am very lucky to have a supportive family. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for talking about it and putting a name to it.

[@howto8086]

Dude! My first attempt was when I was 9, I never met anyone who was suicidal at this age too! Thanks for sharing

[@freshliving4199]

Who are you closer to, your mother or your father?

[@BanjoBitty]

Also felt this way from the same age.

[@BanjoBitty]

@@bens2718 No, that's what your comment is for. Hope you get the help you need to deal with whatever it is you're going through

[@BanjoBitty]

@@bens2718 Someone willing to listen when you're ready to talk about what is actually bothering you.

[@amandakc2169]

It’s scary as a therapist to work through this if you don’t have any training on it. We’re pressured to have people committed or we can get into loads of trouble when we miss things. Someone needs to find a therapist who they feel like they can be extremely open and honest with. We do not get enough training on chronic suicidality, as providers, in school. Sharing your story. I’m sure your video will be shared in graduate schools all across the world so providers can better help people. 💜

[@GabrielleTollerson]

the problems wuth therapists doing this (sorry,I definitely don't speak for everyone,if it helps some people I am so glad 💕 but this is how I felt after being forced into those places along with some others) I was much worse after being in those places because I was treated very horribly in there,one place killed a patient and the state covered it up

[@dubbeljapp]

I totally agree! I work in psychiatric care in Sweden and Im thinking this video could be lifesaving. Im excited to show colleagues and patients. Thank you!

[@boinkadoinkk]

Yes! And it's so dumb that you have to pay so much money as a therapist to be certified in any particular modality of therapy (like DBT, CBT, etc.) - there are so many barriers for therapists when it comes to accessing additional, more specialized training. DBT is really the main way to go for chronic suicidality but it's generally pretty inaccessible to both therapists and clients in the proper DBT classes format.

[@ashtaylor4107]

This is why I oftentimes just won’t mention my passive feelings on not wanting to be alive to my therapist. Unless I feel like it’s getting bad enough that I might take action, I stay silent because I don’t want to be committed forcibly or constantly hounded about it (know from experience and it is not a good time). I wish I didn’t feel like I couldn’t be fully honest.

[@eileendoherty2836]

@@ashtaylor4107 i feel the same way 😢

[@jenniebigley3521]

My Dad made a serious attempt at suicide, he was a rapid cycling manic depressive with psychosis & schizophrenia. He struggled deeply his entire life. I saw him after his first critical attempt. the day after as he had been moved from ICU into psych hospital. I asked him what he thought about his attempt. He told me it was the most foolish thing he had ever done & said he would never try suicide again as an option to end his torment. I am grateful to him for telling me this, for it takes the thoughts that come to me off the table. It’s not an option to end even the worst of his suffering. I have been learning to suffer my chronic pain and despair one moment at a time, just each moment, this moment. I don’t know if this helps at all, but I wanted to share it. Dad died of heart failure at 86yrs old, he really fought to live every minute till the end.

[@MISNM0]

🫂🫂🫂💓🕊

[@user-wb2yv7ll9d]

Wow, that sounds intense that he lived that way,

[@CH-xl7ks]

I’m in my 30s now. I have had chronic suicidal thoughts since I was 9. For many reasons, I only got diagnosed with depression and started treatment about a year ago, when I no longer felt safe being alone with those thoughts. I wholeheartedly agree that, with chronic suicidality, oftentimes it’s not about eliminating the thoughts (which still seems impossible for me), but about changing our relationship with them. What works the most for me is learning to not identify with those thoughts. I feel most safe when I am able to treat those thoughts as some kind of chronic pain: it’s there, but it’s just a non-life threatening symptom that I can handle (with the help of medication and therapy). I’m not saying that this will work for everyone, but for me personally it is easier to distance myself from suicidal thoughts than to eliminate them.

[@MISNM0]

This is a good post.

[@rckildea]

I like this way of thinking a lot

[@SkinCareLuver]

Same here. I am 39 almost 40 and I'm dreading it because I didn't get a chance to make a life for myself or find love when I was younger due to medication Benzodiazepines ruining my life. I have been thinking about committing suicide because I can't bare with the thought of turning 40. I also look no where near so I am 😕 about my age and not very happy. My doctor is unsupportive and doesn't try different treatments for with Mr to get me better. She thinks klonopin and Lexapro is helping and it's doing nothing but making me worse. Some nights I feel OK and others not but I have been extremely suicidal over a whole year. I have been so suicidally depressed I haven't been enjoying things I use to for almost months now since last year and I am afraid sometimes because I don't want to die. Noone does but I'm tired of being in constant pain. I developer depression at 15 due to being badly bullied in school and losing the only friend I truly loved which feels worse than him dying.

[@SabiLewSounds]

I've been struggling with suicidal ideation just as long, literally. Since I was 8 I have felt the desire to disappear on and off always and always. There were times when I was more stable, less triggered less afraid of what I might succumb to... Most of my life has been plagued by poverty and physical disability. So "get proper nutrition and exercise" hasn't even been accessible to me. The years (like now) where I couldn't even get food properly have been the worst. Now as a full-time caretaker for my elderly mother who is slowly passing, the only person who ever really *saw* me and has now forgotten me I don't welcome old age though I don't welcome death either but still the ideation haunts me. Often I think of how little people actually care... Or even know what I fight. I turned 40 about a month ago. I was facing eviction - I still am. Even help surviving physically isn't offered to me, how could I feel valuable, wanted, save-worthy? This all triggers my childhood trauma which lead to the suicidal ideation. All that to say, you're not alone. I hope you're still here with us.

[@KunKosh]

Thank you for your comment.

[@northsouth252]

The knowledge of suicide is the only thing that keeps me living.

[@Nowheart]

I am similar at the moment. The knowing that I have the option.

[@rael.5967]

I've often said knowing I have the option has been a comfort for me.

[@ellisbamps4193]

You have such an objective, neutral and rational type of speaking about this topic. I really like this. I'm a medical student and this was very educational for me, but also just nice to listen to. You give concrete solutions and acknowledge that some tips aren't easy to execute. Still you provide great tools in a helpfull way. Thank you.

[@amberlaminack5727]

Well said. Thank you for this.

[@yelenarotar2307]

Agreed.

[@fembot521]

As a medical student, when you get out and become a DR you will find that you will easily burn out when you realize there are very little resources for mental health for people you will be treating.

[@MISNM0]

Make sure to look at healthygamergg

[@marie-phareboucher1062]

Sometimes, I think of my suicidal thoughts as a headache, of some other physical symptom, instead of a definition of who I am. It helps me to stop focus on the chronic suicidality. Sending you lots of love from eastern Quebec.

[@kylescott169]

Same, not identifying with your thoughts allowed mine to go away. I just paid less attention to them and it took power away from them. We are not our thoughts

[@thenerdgirl1]

Chronic suicidal ideation is a part of my disorder. And it makes friends, family, and health care practitioners very uncomfortable. I want to be able to talk about it without being forcibly admitted. It's very rarely bad enough to be a threat to my life. It's just part of existing for me. And I hear you on how hard it is to make friends. I got off of social media for my mental health and now I'm like, crap, how do I meet people?

[@virginiasummer2619]

As an idea: Try looking online for a local group ( mental health group , or a Death Cafe is another option, as an example) , and then meet for lunch in person ( or coffee, etc) or volunteer somewhere - nice people generally volunteer and are open minded. I belong to a Survivors of Suicide group in my town where I have met face to face with several of the other members. It’s a start. Good for you about not using social media for a while! I have found that it helped me to feel better as well. It is hard to find friends that are willing to listen but they ARE out there.

[@machinethesun9243]

The taboo of not being able to openly talk about it, makes it worse. It then becomes like a festering secret. It should be talked about, because death is a part of life, just like birth. If it was talked about and wasn't a taboo, then maybe all the depressing things that contribute to life being depressing could actually be addressed and society could be designed better, and smart deep thinking people could fit into it better and actually have a place. We used to have artists, poets, philosophers but in this world unless you are a contributor worker cog in the corporate military alliance, there is no place for you. You can't even walk into the forest and go be alone in nature as a hermit or free being anymore as that requires a digital reservation, a fee, and a day pass.

[@thenerdgirl1]

@@machinethesun9243 it's designed to be unhealthy on purpose. If we're poor, we're exploitable. They legit don't want to built better societies. It's why things aren't getting better. The people with power have no investment in things getting better. But they sure do love to see us fight over culture wars. There's a strong correlation with depression and intelligence. When you see it, it's incredibly hard to be ok.

[@LostInParadise8706]

@@thenerdgirl1this. Well said.

[@adambazso9207]

@@thenerdgirl1 Very interesting thoughts. I think too, that most of the people in power are only self-centered maniacs, who don't care about the well-being of others. A lot of them could be even considered to be genuinely evil. And I don't mean in the sense of conspiracy-theories like freemasons etc. Just in the psychological and moral sense. They are truly insane and morally corrupted and corrupt everything they come in contact with. It's actually disgusting. They are not leaders or the "elite", not at all. They're mostly just despicable thugs in well-tailored suits.

[@H2whoaMusic]

Not a single day has gone by for nearly 30 years in which I'm not ideating about suicide most of the day. So this resonates

[@rael.5967]

Same. From 14 to almost 40 now.

[@timmccarty8111]

I'm in this now at 58. I cannot escape it.

[@hopelessly.hopeful]

My 11 year old son, who lives with Autism, is already suffering chronic suicidality. He constantly asks what the meaning of life is, asks what's the point of living. What you've said is basically what I say to him! WE choose what the meaning of our lives are. WE get to decide our focus and purpose. (We both) definitely struggle with the constraints of life, eg money, jobs, school & the things that we must do in order to be part of this world. It does make things hard sometimes, when he doesn't want to have to go to school etc. But in a way I believe it also helps. As it gives us some roots in the ground, some structure. Thank you for your videos. I love what you do.

[@mentalhealthmolly]

I'm an autistic adult (high functioning). I had a long battle with suicide. I found out what was causing it for me. I think your son will really enjoy the content I'm going to be making about the scientific causes of suicidal thoughts. For crisis survival I made this toolkit: kzbin.info/aero/PL4mWyJOTVD-7jmTIJ9UGufD604wYzhY0s

[@linam.9675]

if school is making him miserable he shouldn't be going there. no amount of degrees matters if his mental health is shattered.

[@rosebuddud0307]

I continue to suffer from chronic suicidality after many years of treatment and hospitalizations. I never found the secret to healing this problem. I found this video helpful especially the part about one's personal philosophy about life. I think I need to think about this some more and perhaps find some relief. I used to willingly go into hospital and after a few months of stressful treatment would pretend things were better just to get discharged. It was a revolving door. Finally I got smart and realized that the hospitalizations weren't helping. I have been out for 5 years! Because I know it's my problem to deal with. Thanks for giving me a few more tools Lauren.

[@sweetluvgurl]

Maybe try alternative treatments like vagus nerve stimulation, deep brain stimulation, ketamine, magic mushrooms, or TMS. I’ve heard about different ones that help people with treatment resistant depression.

[@leshikokubika486]

The best way to protect yourself from this is to tell yourself - I will never commit suicide. I have obligations to mom, dad, husband, wife, child, cat. Thoughts of suicide are nothing, it's the wind. I will not enter into the game with these thoughts. These thoughts may capture the imagination, but it's not about me. Let them play without my participation. Let them crash against your position. They will not leave you alone, but they will lose relevance for you.

[@mr.giggles4995]

Thankyou for posting this. One of the reasons I haven't been able to trust doctors is like you said, they don't get at the root of the problem and it's basically more medication or the psych ward. All the meds they had me on usually just made things worse.

[@ricki310]

Thank you so much for talking about this, I’ve been dealing with this for about 7 years and never knew what was happening. At this point, it’s part of my normal routine to not expect I’ll be alive the next day, every day. It feels like a never-ending nightmare, which is why I couldn’t understand why people even *liked* living. And you are so right about the “It gets better” campaigns! I don’t want to get better at some point, I want to feel better now :(

[@consciouscommunity3897]

Yes!

[@mschickie007]

I hate to pry but have you tried any type of medication ?

[@peter0139]

its only get better if things change. if you are stuck, and some things cant be changed, recovery is almost not possible, like in my case.

[@sharonmchugh7730]

The way i coped with it, once i found out what was happening to me was allowing myself to just not try to fit in with all the norms of society. Finding joy in that I could say no more often and not wear myself out with trying to keep up.

[@tcort]

Thanks!

[@mortenrl1946]

I knew I had schizophrenia, but never heard about this before. I don't have any urge, just think about it all the time. Like there's a small vocal part of myself that keeps telling me to do it, even though I don't actually want to? Kind of a difficult thing to explain to anybody, I think it would just worry people pointlessly. We're all gonna die, I'm not in a rush, I'm not suffering. But for some reason the concept of it really sticks in my head. I'm scared to do ECT or go on more meds since I'm doing so comparatively well where I am. Maybe I'll try reducing the loneliness a bit!

[@drewharris7785]

Thank you for this comment. Listening to the first few minutes of this video, I kept wondering whether having suicidal thoughts but not actually feeling suicidal or wanting to die was chronic suicidality. P.S. if it matters, I don't have schizophrenia

[@Goingby20s]

When I had a really big anxiety crisis, I was sorta left for a while with these intrusive thoughts of acting out of impulse and just ending my life, particularly from jumping from high places. Though at the beginning I did experience symptoms of depression, like apathy, those waved off fairly quickly, but these intrusive thoughts continued, I couldn't even get close to my apartment windows or keep them open out of fear. So it wasn't really that I wanted to or planned to end my life, but rather that I was fearful of "losing control" and doing such it. I also would fear just throuwing objects out of my hands into someone out of nowhere, so I do think need of control was really central in all of these. After months and a lot of therapy, meditation, yoga and what else, these finally started to wave off as well, though I'm still much more fearful of heights than before. The psychology of the brain is an interesting thing.

[@sunshine9122]

@Skitso I wish you a good day, Skitso. And I send you a big hug and compassion. ❤

[@mortenrl1946]

@Skitso Yeap, that's me! I hope you have a nice day as well. Take care, things are strange and unpredictable!

[@ja398]

I would love to have you as a therapist. You are so knowledgeable! i always forget that you have schizoeffective disorder while watching your videos because i feel like I'm listening to a very compassionate and expert doctor. I truly admire you! you are awesome!

[@benjibeatnik]

Thank you for making this video. I have struggled with daily suicidal ideations since I was in the third grade and now I'm 32- it's not easy to research or talk about... even mental health professionals make it feel almost too taboo to broach... which makes one feel even more alone, dysfunctional, and beyond depressed. You've made me feel much less alone; honestly, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your work🙏. Wishing you and your family good health.✌️

[@asafoetidajones8181]

I was able to get some relief from those by giving up on idea of stopping them or shutting them out and instead alter their content over time. A gunshot to the head or (for whatever reason) a sword slicing my head off became a near miss, or a fruit or object being destroyed instead of me. In short, I actively visualized something by choice to get ahead of involuntary, intrusive imagery. Nowadays I have control over it even though it still happens randomly. Maybe that technique could work for some people.

[@christopherwilliams4207]

Im 53 and I can tell you that it never goes away.

[@r.w.bottorff7735]

You spoke about something in this video that I had never heard from anyone else, and it is exactly what I am going through right now. I too have stopped eating, in a bid to cause physical and mental collapse, and because I don't want to hurt anyone or cause undo trauma by taking my own life in violence, and the fact that you so courageously exposed that painful, and very personal, aspect of your illness so candidly here has given me a little burst of resolve to try to stay alive a little bit longer, because now I don't feel so lonesome as I did before. I have anorexia too, and I am struggling to maintain myself. Thank you so much.

[@MISNM0]

I'm truly happy to see your post because it is courageous and hopeful. Please know your are very welcome to say hi with an update if you'd like. 🕊🌻

[@lincolnneb]

I have a loved one who is certainly Not Always Living Well with mental illness. As a result, I imagine that I can just begin to grasp the "pains" that mental illness entails. Life is sometimes (or often) tough enough without such an illness. Certainly, those dealing with mental illness should receive the full support of friends, family and society generally. Unfortunately, that is only an ideal that is not even widely shared. The harsh reality is that support at every level is typically both insufficient and inconsistent. Thank goodness Lauren through this channel is making a concerted effort to show love and support for all those who are carrying these heavy burdens. Peace, wellbeing and serenity are too rare and transitory even for those of us without an illness. I wish the best for all mankind but especially for all those like my loved one who face these often severe additional challenges.

[@zonedoyestander]

As a severely depressed man with daily suicidal ideation, I want to thank you for considering us neurodivergents. More neurotypicals should realize that their standards are impossible for millions, but we as a society seem to be moving in the right direction... painfully slowly.

[@karenmatuska3812]

Thank you so much for speaking on this topic. I will be sharing this with many of my clients since this is so very common, yet there is so little focus on chronic suicidality. Most of the community resources want to prevent suicide deaths but are poorly equipped to deal with this type of chronic suffering. I am glad that this video now exists to be a support to those going through this very isolating experience.

[@kaylasitler3536]

This video really does give me hope that someday I will have a life that feels worth living. I'm in a place where I don't really have a lot of control over things, but knowing someday I will be is comforting.

[@MISNM0]

Hopeful for you. ❤

[@kaylasitler3536]

@@MISNM0 Things are actually quite a bit better now than when I posted this. Thanks so much!

[@MISNM0]

@@kaylasitler3536 🙌🙌🙌🎯

[@sageisnotaplant99]

I think having meaningful relationships would help me not be suicidal but I have a really hard time making friends

[@meameab1824]

Especially if you’re severely depressed. If I don’t like me, why would others want to be around me and be friends. Despite having a deep desire to have deep connections through friendship, I think I’m afraid to make deep connections with people. Most are disappointing and superficial.

[@xHaniffax]

I'm so glad you talked about vitamins/minerals and effect on mood!

[@nickclarkuk]

Thank you for this insightful video . This reminded me of a period In my late teens , early twenties . I did most of what you suggested which makes me realise I did a good job at the time with help with a therapist . I still have the suicidal thoughts but I don’t take them seriously now ; they just indicate I’m struggling and I need to take more care of myself

[@stoneyvowell1239]

I find that most of mine has to do with the life that I have to live, not the one I want to. It is really hard to accept a life that somebody or Society forces onto you. I think that that is why finding a reason to be happy or to live for is so important. And if you don't like your life, you need to find a way to change it to something closer to what you can be happy with. Getting out of abusive and invalidating situations is crucial, because you cannot heal in the same environment that was creating your condition.

[@BautistaYarisantos]

I've been through manic depression and suicidal ideation for 15 years (age 30 now). I've had my fair share of therapy sessions, visits to the E.R., and roulette of medications. As someone struggling to live, I agree and empathize with you %100.

[@chickedee1085]

Very different situation

[@starstuff5324]

i don’t know how to express the pain of living with this every day, every single waking day, for over a decade. at best it’s background noise i can ignore, like a refrigrator buzz. other times, like now, it’s so loud i can barely hear anything else. and a million little spots on the spectrum in between. thank you so much for addressing this, all of your videos capture so much that i’m desperate for people around me to understand and explain them so eloquently.

[@yizhou5903]

My suicidal thoughts have lasted for more than 10 years. Most of the time, I have the passive desire that I don't want to live anymore, without actual plans. Sometimes I did actively seek suicidal methods, and even tried some (they turned out to be totally useless) . Thank you so much for making this video. It's good to know that I'm not alone.

[@Guys_Love_Each_Other]

same

[@howto8086]

Even though I understand these states from my own experience it's hard to get how a person like you who is doing such an important job in the field of mental health can feel that way. You're doing better job than so many of psychiatrists, therapists and mental health educators. You're incredibly important and you've changed A LOT in thousands of people's lives just by sharing your vulnerability. Not to mention all the loads of work & research or (as I guess) overcoming personal challenges to make it all available to so many people struggling with mental health, their families and people that could live the rest of their lives with an image of people with schizofrenia straight out of movies like One flew over the cuckoo's nest or Joker. I know it doesn't work this way that a random comment from a stranger make's it any better. Still - you're more precious to this world that you probably feel like. It would be a heartbreaking loss if you're not here anymore.

[@micheleroyce4177]

Thank you so much. I can relate to what you spoke about. Not totally gone for me, suicidality, but has mostly receded into the background.

[@PRS_18]

Couldn’t be said any better, it is an every day challenge at times. Thank you for all your content Lauren and Rob. It’s really helped me on my journey and the education is brilliant. Nice new background too by the way!

[@freshliving4199]

When you refer to “Where there is a will there is a way?” Who’s will are you referring to?

[@sandywilliams2397]

I had this and I got a Bible and prayed back to God all of his wonderful promises to us written in Psalms. I spent every waking hour doing this as I was so desparate. Within weeks I began receiving freedom from suicidal thoughts and incredible hope and joy. It really is true that there is a supernatural being who loves to be trusted, loved and taken at his word. He is 100% truth and love.

[@consciouscommunity3897]

Right, it’s part of my flight response. It’s been a couple of years for me. It not about death necessary KU for me but, making the emotional pain stop. Glad we are talking about this.

[@chriss6136]

what you said about the system failing and it compounding the issues hit the nail on the head

[@OtherwisePanic]

I've yet to watch this, but thank you so much! Edit: Unfortunate it seems to say, but it's nice to hear I'm not alone in this feeling at least. It's been extremely difficult getting through day to day, but I continue to drag on hoping for better days. Though it is hard when the people around you don't understand how you're feeling. Why it may be difficult for you to eat, shower, clean, work... just finding motivation in general. After being on several medications to no avail, I'm able to find moments of relief through the use of psychedelic compounds. Which saddens me, because what works the most for me is illegal and heavily stigmatized. Great video, great information, thanks again.

[@PunkForever-yu1fg]

Been through this. I was homeless for 3 years in NYC. Many psychiatric hospital stays during that time. Suicide was a huge daily obsession for me. Don't give into it. Learn to enjoy and grow spiritually from the suffering. You can grow from these experiences . Your life isn't over.

[@somosuno109]

congratulations on overcoming such challenges. I am very proud of you, and its great seeing that other people CAN get out of such obstacles. wishing you joy, creativity, funny moments and abundance in ALL. thank u for sharing

[@adamferencszi797]

You were homeless and yet psychiatrists were forcing you to stay alive knowing your conditions ? Isn't that the most evil and sadist thing I have heard. Why do we force humans to live against their will if we just throw them to the streets when we find no use for them?

[@barbaraadelman2391]

Your thoughts and comments are spot on.... You've articulated what is so important, misunderstood and so "not" talked about. Thank you.

[@alexsekai]

THANK YOU so much for talking about this! It is SO GOOD to finally hear someone say, "hey, look, I was there." I was like "finally!!". I'm not alone. Other people experience this too. You are awesome for talking about this. It's messed up we don't talk about suicide and the way we deal with it. Thank you.

[@doyoulovehimloretta1607]

My first attwmpt was 3 years old, my 2nd when i was five. Im now 65. It has been lifelong. Right now im in the worst place ive ever been in. Thanks for this it helps.

[@Catherine-mp1yt]

Fast.....for 3 days don't eat ANYTHING. It changes your entire perception. Do it and go from there. Make sure to eat salt for electrolytes. Redmans REAL salt is key.

[@Unwritdone]

Really? Like I’ve been struggling with it for years it’s been a mental exhaustion from 6-25 I’m at a breaking point

[@Qwertyuiiop123]

Sometimes it happens. Sometimes life is incredibly pathetic. It may seem that nothing makes sense, that nothing is working out for you, that there is no way out. Get through it. Hold on a little longer. Take it one more day every day. and finally this wonderful time will come and life will finally become Normal. Do it for yourself.❤

[@richardjessiejohnson9108]

Wow, you literally just articulated my lived experience. Thank you so much.

[@osagejon8972]

Another really good video Lauren. You are spot on about how the health industry misses how to deal with those going through this. I'm not sure what could effectively be done better though. I went for more than a decade having nearly continual suicidal thoughts and two attempts. It was quite frustrating hearing people say "it's a cry for help." I was not crying for help unless it was an end to a very real misery. One either knows or helplessly can't understand which is why I think it's so hard to give treatment. I often refer to ways of coping as tools in a tool bag... perhaps one of the best I have is that thoughts are not the same as actions.

[@capogalassia2816]

Thank you for this video. I wish I could see it when I was in my suicidal part of life, but even seeing it now that I'm doing better had a huge impact on me. Thank you again.

[@chriss6136]

thanks for the video. this topic isn't talked about enough

[@sebk4980]

You are great! Just researched this topic because Ive felt this way on and off much of my life. I feel a lot better after watching this

[@megt4622]

Thank you so much for talking about this. It’s not talked about enough and I agree, it can be so isolating to feel this way.

[@megt4622]

After watching the video in entirety, these tips are so helpful. Every one of them are all ideas that I’ve come to think of lately, and when implemented, are so effective. Especially the vitamin deficiency!

[@lyndawilliams4570]

Praying for you - you are loved and appreciated by millions of people whom you don’t even know.

[@tcort]

What a great video. Thank you so much for sharing this with the world. You and Rob are helping a lot of people. Something that can be helpful is knowing that, at least in Canada, getting help from a doctor or therapist isn’t an automatic trip to the hospital. A psychodynamic psychotherapist can be helpful as well. They’ll ask about what you’re feeling rather than jump into a risk assessment or safety plan. If therapy isn’t for someone, meaningful relationships, as you mentioned, can be really helpful too.

[@davidgagne3569]

Thanks for sharing this. Please know that you are helping people "out here".

[@Lisa-stevenz]

I'm glad I figured out that my ideology wasn't just me. Its not just a bad day. Its soothing at times. I had a date set and I felt better in a way. I made it past that day. Every morning is a bitter struggle. I'm lost without the family I have lost. I don't feel I'm needed here anymore. I always wished there was a button to push to just move on to whatever's next. I'm glad I'm not alone. Thank you.

[@luciachanger6505]

I have lived with chronic suicidality all my life. I still want to end it all, I stay alive for my family but sometimes it’s hard to do that. Thankyou for the tips to help keep going. The meaning of my life is to exist for the benefit of other people around me.

[@wordscythe4450]

Love your content. I started watching, trying to understand my mother and her behaviors better, as she refuses any and all medications. This episode is warmly and beautifully helpful individually. Thanks hon...and thanks to your support systems for helping to keep you here and able to share!

[@Rustyshack33]

This video and the one about being a job hopper are what I really needed to see this week. I don't have schizophrenia but I do have PTSD and this last month has been really hard. I'm about to quit my job because I am suicidal and I just can't give riding lessons to kids right now. I'm searching for a therapist but I don't have health insurance and none are getting back to my calls and emails because they are all full. I'm lucky to have a really solid partner who helps me through all of this but it can be incredibly difficult on him. These videos make me feel less alone. They make me feel like there is a solution and I can keep going, even if it's just to protect my loved ones. Thank you for making this channel. You are so beautiful

[@MISNM0]

🫂🫂🫂🌻

[@jeffbeaudoin4544]

Definitely the system failing you pushes you to the edge. I’m there now. Praying God will take me.

[@caseyblau2669]

Thanks for being so open!

[@ieeiiwieieieiw2012]

Feels like my whole happiness depends on stress. If i'm stressed I feel horrible, but without stress I am happy

[@Teilnehmer]

This video would have been very really helpful for me years ago. I am so grateful that you have put all this information out there that other people might benefit from it! This is really great. I would like to point out that this is really one of those emotional states for which it is very useful to have a formalized coping mechanism for. Basically throw the entire therapeutic book at it. Make a plan of things to do that give you some enjoyment - really having a tangible, physical list helps. Obviously noticing things that give you joy is only possible when you are not depressed, so keep in mind that you actually need to take notice of things that make you feel good in the moment when they feel good - this is annoying at first because why should you care about therapy when you are not technically sick at the moment? But that's one of the things people with chronic, recurring mental illness have to get used to. This list has to be updated frequently, you should always be aware of some coping mechanisms that are easy-to-do and non-harmful. Also, it's totally ok to lean on other people's support when you feel terrible. Now, when you have these feelings you can again throw the entire mindfulness, feelings-based book of therapeutic approaches at it: body scans, locating the painful emotion in your body, breathing, leaning into the feeling without judgment, noting the thoughts and not getting attached and so on. Also be mindful of the values that you choose for your life and how you achieve them on a daily basis. Try to live some of your days with intentionality (make plans in the beginning of the day or take note of how you achieve some values you have chosen for your life) Focus on a memory when someone expressed genuine gratitude towards you or when you have been genuinely grateful for someone else (this should also be turned into a regular practice) This all sounds easier than it is and it requires a lot of practice and getting to know yourself but in the end it will likely be worth the effort you have put into it.

[@brihawks]

Thank you for being so open, honest, and non-judgmental on this topic. I attempted 3 years ago after constantly feeling hopeless and meaningless. The turning point for me was focusing on what value I can bring to this world. I can care for my husband, garden flowers to take to family, do yoga to become stronger. If not you, than who? Sometimes those thoughts return but I've learned to acknowledge them and not beat myself up for having them.

[@sabbynim]

You're such a wonderful person, Lauren.

[@forgiveyourenemiesnow]

what an incredible lady to help so many people.

[@Satellite_Of_Love]

I really struggle with this. Last year a friend of mine committed suicide. It was heartbreaking, and I miss her terribly. I know that this is how my loved ones would feel if I took my own life. I wish it was enough to make these intrusive thoughts go away.

[@kathynietfeld9642]

Our son had suicidal thoughts daily. Are theses demons that were telling him to take his life? He did Nov. 2021.

[@melb2734]

@@kathynietfeld9642 I am so sorry.

[@dianeaishamonday9125]

@@kathynietfeld9642 my deepest condolences, friend 🤍🤍🤍

[@Satellite_Of_Love]

@@kathynietfeld9642 I am so sorry for your loss. ❤

[@eileendoherty2836]

Very sorry for your loss 🤗

[@GlennMeuche]

I discovered this video not only insightful, but incredibly liberating. If only someone had validated my experience and supported me through the process of learning to live with chronic suicidality, I would perhaps, have engaged in life more authentically and one that was free of distractions and illusion.

[@stephmartinez701]

I didn't know there was a name for this. I've had chronic suicidality for as long as I can remember. I'm in a period of reprieve in that I don't have despair over it. I still have it on an almost daily basis. However as I've I gotten older, my self talk and coping skills are better. I tell myself that even though it's not my fault that I have chronic suicidality it's my responsibility to do everything I can to out live it. Thank you

[@michellepeuker7893]

this "for some people it never gets better" scared the heck out of me.. I feel awful now..

[@maryl8539]

It may never get better (it could also get worse), but we can choose to get stronger nevertheless.

[@oliviaacosta6239]

Thank you for helping explain this. I wished anybody going through this obtains the much needed support

[@barbdowns1]

Excellent episode! All these things you described are very helpful. Sometimes, all we can do for ourselves is to just hold on and “wait out the storm”, knowing how we think or feel does eventually change. It’s not my favorite way to cope, but it is an option that works when all else has failed.

[@dianeaishamonday9125]

Ride the wave, friend. As the Dodie Clark song says, "It will all make sense again."

[@ByAnyOther]

What has helped me, is *the surprising effect of perspective,* *Instead of eating healthy,* I convince myself to avoid eating "crappily." Meaning, avoiding things like sugar, junk food, over greasy food, etc.. Even skipping the sugar in my coffee was a solution. It gets lonely not to eat comfort foods... especially when there's no one around we can metaphorically hug (i.e. socialize with at a non-stressful level). *Instead of forcing myself to exercise,* I prefer to call it "giving myself the strength to love and care for others"; because when we're in extreme (chronic) depressions, it's hard to feel motivated to do what "needs to be done" - we just don't feel worth it at that low a mood. *A good thing to know* is, exercise doesn't always need to be vigorous: painting, yoga (even 15 minutes), music, going for a light walk, are all wonder exercises that help alleviate inner struggles. Last important note without being super lengthy, know that *it is great to push ourselves, but deteriorating to be cruel to ourselves.* Meaning, if we aren't happy with our progress for whatever reason, being kind to ourselves, in my experience, is far more effective than negative self-criticism. - Love makes the world go round

[@OneJey]

I just want to say to everyone who lost someone: I just want to say I'm sorry for your loss. I lost a childhood friend and long time crush to suicide just a couple months ago, the morning of his birthday. It's been rough and I have chronic suicidality. I never have plans but it's been on my mind more since his death. I've finally stopped sobbing when I think about him. But when I think about it, I remember him and how it devastated me and his family and everyone that knew him. I almost successfully killed myself in 2014/15 (I don't remember which anymore). When I woke up in the ICU, it was terrifying. They almost couldn't save me several times. Luckily my impulses are better handled. I can identify what I'm feeling and take steps to remove extra meds and sharp objects. Or I say "ill take a nap and see how i feel@ or "wait 30 minutes and if i can wait 30mins I can do at least 20 more" and so on. Or go stay with someone for a few days. It took a decade of therapy for me to get to this point. My psych ward visits always drilled into my head "make a safety plan" which felt super dumb but I finally got it. I just hope to something that I never get too depressed and impulsive that I throw it all out the window. As for my friend being gone... I'm saddened that he didn't get the help he needed but at least he's no longer in agony. A bit of a hot take. But even his parents stand by it. You're loved and important. People love you. Even if it doesn't feel true. Please stay.

[@momentslive1154]

great video, very important topic. Thank you for raising awareness. Cheers!

[@micheleroyce4177]

Thank you. I can relate to what you are talking about. I can say, compared to several years ago, that those thoughts have mostly receded. You are right on about the helps. They work.

[@AubsAndreya]

Wow. You have come so far, you have learned so much! You inspire me to try harder to better myself. Thank you for sharing this and I’m proud of how much dedication you have to improving your mental health and life.

[@curlsandflowerss7887]

I have been suicidal since age 14 and now I am 25. I never knew about chronic suicidibility. Thank you for this.

[@Nonflammable2468]

Can't wait to hear this, thanks for all your efforts. 🙏

[@thelostfoundnation4542]

What gets me through the day is knowing one day regardless it'll all end anyways.

[@sylvainslater7496]

I talked about my suicidal ideas, I was not planning ti kill myself ,I just had those annoying thought and I lost most of my rights for 2 years had to fight in court that was the last time I shared my thoughts with the nurses or my psychiatrist those people cant be trusted

[@beautyalaritz3310]

Were you placed in a conservatorship?

[@sylvainslater7496]

@@beautyalaritz3310 nope but I was forced to take medication against my will . I changed psychiatrist and went back to my regular medication then I was lucky I won in court 2 years after my depression and got the rigth to refuse antidepressant and visit from the care team to my home

[@heekyungkim8147]

I almost got lock up in mental hospital cause i told psychiatrist that i think i heard voices…. Never again i trust psychiatrist…. I hope you are well.

[@lunalu552]

Look, majority of mental health specialists aren't there to help you. They just want you not to be a menace for society or a burden. If you share suicidal thoughts with them they will direct you to inpatient as fast as possible because they don't wanna have that responsibility.

[@christopherleubner6633]

It is almost as if it is they believe that by making you suffer more that they can make you afraid to do it the same way punishing sombody for stealing makes them less likely to steal. Doesnt work like that. Instead you feel that you might as well tell nobody, and the one day it is too much it just happens. Then the people cry and whatever wonder why they were never told. Smh 😵

[@DariusExplains]

You dont need a better therapist, you need a better life.

[@michaelfrye6569]

Thank you for talking about this. 👍

[@amazinggrace8088]

I really appreciate your words. It’s sinking in.

[@evagabrysova8871]

This is the content we need on KZbin!! Great job and thank You! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜❤

[@janeicon8779]

I absolutely love this, and all your videos! Girl, you are an inspiration! Praying for you, your family, and your wholeness and wellness!!! Thank you, keep posting!!!!

[@Qwertyuiiop123]

Sometimes this happens. Sometimes life is incredibly pathetic. It may seem that nothing makes sense, that nothing is working out for you, that there is no way out. Get through it. Hold on a little longer. Survive this one more day. Repeat this to yourself every day. and finally that wonderful time will come and life will finally become Normal. Do it for yourself.

[@BlairPittams]

I've had this since 8 years old my first try at suicide at 9 a couple at times. I think it's my understanding of reality that's always has been hampered, I dwell to much inwardly to see the reality of others

[@eileendoherty2836]

I am a 3 time survivor thank u for talking about this hosp did nothing for me

[@BioShrog]

I am a Schizophrenic as well, and I thought I was alone in this Chronic Suicidality.

[@rael.5967]

Nope you aren't; and it's not just schizophrenics, I have major depressive disorder and have dealt with this my entire adult life.

[@pip915]

True not to try hiding it when feeling down. The world doesn't have to way you down all the time, things will change positive someday and it's good to talk to orhers who can relate... ..

[@Solscapes.]

I can tell people have no community support when I see someone who's suicidal. Been there for over 30 years. You are not alone, however much the people making you suicidial want you to feel that way.

[@raniaislam__]

thanks. youre right it doesnt exactly get 'better' but it gets clearer and that makes it easier and in my definition, 'better'. i really appreciate this video a lot thank you

[@pyenygren2299]

Thank you.

[@QueenofMarine]

Lauren, I've been watching your videos since the very very beginning, I've watched them all, and I really think this is one of the most important and powerful videos you've made so far. Thank you for being so real, and genuine, and from the heart.

[@abbypierce4196]

Great topic to discuss. Also - the new background looks fantastic!