Lolo Jones and The Fertility Conundrum

[@iwasbornunderwater]

At 36 I started saving up to freeze my eggs after researching it (yearly costs, IVF, etc). At 37 I decided to change careers and halted the saving. At 38 I had an oopsie and fell pregnant with the WORST man possible but I had a miscarriage. My doctor told me to think about immediately trying for a baby instead of freezing the eggs. So at 38 I had to really thinking about what I wanted to do and I couldn't make a decision. I took a year to think about it and decided I wasn't willing to be a single mother. I was raised by one and it was really tough. At 40 I took the "egg savings" and put down a deposit on a house. I'm still grieving "the dream" but I have no regrets.

[@ololusername]

@@tonyalston4838 you would know about growing old alone. btw every woman is too good for the "average man"

[@alibalbee2883]

Girl! I see you and I came to the same conclusion. Most of my friends are single mothers and they have struggled. My mother raised us on her own and it was hard. I didn’t want to be a single mother either.

[@Indigolily80]

In 2020, a few months after turning 40, I started contemplating doing artificial insemination. I came to the conclusion that I had never wanted to be a single mother and that having a father in my child's life was always very important to me. My parent's were married for 35 years. I have a great relationship with my dad. I had always wanted that for my offspring. I want the best for them

[@ForMySoulSistas]

What a story thanks for sharing 🙏🏾

[@foxyboop4164]

Absolutely 🤗 who wants a child and not be able to pass on generational wealth to them anyways? We're saving for a home now (my husband and I) we're 40 and have 3 fur babies 🐾🐾🐾 and I'm perfectly fine with that!!!

[@princessm8977]

A helpful realization for me: Mourn the life you thought you'd have and then embrace the one you do and move. I will not spend my entire life mourning.🥂

[@LGnLA]

🗣💯💯💯💯💯🥂🥂

[@Nat0528]

I love this ‼️‼️❤️

[@Leo_Lise]

Very true ❤️

[@shereenlovelace6217]

I love how you said this. ❤️❤️❤️❤️💯💯💯💯

[@TWForeeever]

Ooo I love this

[@lakeishag76]

I wish social media was a place where women over 35 could be honest about a myriad of things: fertility, motherhood, marriage, aging, spirituality. Would be such a warm, welcoming space for young women learning themselves through life.

[@CharisMaggieTV]

A few content creators over 35 who do are Shameless Maya and Shan Boody

[@ad2094]

@@CharisMaggieTV and I love them!

[@CatEyeGem]

It is an can be but ignore the roaches

[@jasminexxx3911]

We must create our own lanes for single child free women to feel safe

[@Hintedbymarina]

THIS!

[@punkybrewstar83]

I'm 39, never married, no children, not brought up in the USA or in the church. I have that knowing you are talking about. I've cried enough over men for a hundred lifetimes. It is a relief in a lot of ways. And children are everywhere... you can have children in your life without giving birth to them.

[@midnightgardenmysteries5916]

🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 I have had so many wonderful children in my life (and raised a couple of them), but they’re not “mine”. I did want my own biological children, but I also grew up & am thankful for the experiences I did have with babies/children. I will still probably have someone else’s kids in my life in the future, and hopefully I’ll love them & they’ll love me right back. My uterus is fine with all of it 😁

[@winxclubstellamusa]

Exactly! Adoption is a fabulous option. Orphanages are always over-flowing. Saving a child and loving it is an undeniably beautiful and honorable thing to do.

[@ifunewme]

I hear you but it’s not the same as having your own children whether it be by birth or adoption. For someone who wants to be a mother just having children around you would not be enough.

[@winxclubstellamusa]

@@ifunewme no, true family is by love, not blood. Adoption can fulfill that 100% need. Especially when most mothers hate their biological children! Blood doesn’t mean anything, what makes a true family is caring about each other’s feelings.

[@24-7onfocus9]

@@winxclubstellamusa most mothers hate their biological children?

[@lyssanicole4469]

Girl seriously when the misogynists see that there is a 40 year old single woman is who sad about not having found a husband they are LITERALLY like roaches. Or leeches just sucking the life out of everything saying things like “you’ve hit the wall” “it’s because you turned down the nice guy”. It’s sickening.

[@mthompson5383]

Yes, and they are bogus for being so mean.

[@BubblyViolin11]

And the vast majority of them are projecting because they were rejected thinking that they were ‘the nice guy’ when in fact, they were the assholes. Like you said, it’s gross.

[@lalittl]

@@BubblyViolin11 this!!! Literally the only men I’ve seen describe themselves this way are the absolute assholes or deadbeats. I remember this guy in my church complaining that he couldn’t find a wife because womens standards were too high. Meanwhile. He hadn’t (by choice) had a job in SEVEN years, he would give “long overly touchy church hugs”, and he would always be the brother to let you know your cleavage was a little too prominent for church, and he was just generally pervy

[@shereenlovelace6217]

@@BubblyViolin11 Absolutely 💯

[@shereenlovelace6217]

Studies say that men experience loneliness more than women. Those men who follow and preach that misogynistic rhetoric are the main ones who let good women pass them by because they didn't "look" appealing enough or they only thought of them as a bedroom prospect. Those men are also angry that their preferences rejected them; and they usually end up ALONE, especially in the Black American Community, which Steph speaks of.

[@Lynndra80]

These same people would of bashed her if she was 40 and a single mother. They want you to choose better but doing that can lead to you being 40 and childless. They are attacking the good christian woman they claim we are suppose to be. You really can't win with some people. Turning 40 freaked me out (this is very common) and I started the therapy. It's a hard adjustment when you feel like your life hasn't turned out how you thought it would.

[@EclecticGiraffe]

This is something that I’ve noticed - whether you’re single and childless (past 30) or single with children, you’ll still be criticized. The only way to avoid criticism seems to be if you’re with a man. That’s the only way value will be ascribed to women. It’s a ridiculous notion.

[@kamigriff]

@@EclecticGiraffe with a man or a man. So just live your life however you want. We only live once enjoy it while you have it.

[@MsLiberianLady]

@@dkt4377 oh tk there is no win win for her.. so if she didn’t get the metals..had sex… u would still criticize her..she waited to have sex and ya still have critique..god damn

[@idi.h5460]

@@dkt4377 typical dusty living in a basement without any prospects sitting online yet again in women’s business but still unable to google something so basic before talking shit online, everyone knows child bearing years are until 35 and even after women can have children it’s just a higher risk pregnancy. Get a job loser

[@IagainstI.]

@@dkt4377 Was she supposed to be chasing men? She made a legacy for herself, and obviously there were men that she tried to have relationships with that couldn't yoke with that. Being a wife/mother is road that leads to no where; I'd rather be in the history books with Olympics medals.

[@angeltangle]

Met my husband at 37 first child at 42, 10 years on I'm living the dream according to these women afraid they'll miss out. Trust me you're not. A man, child or family don't complete you or make your life better or easier just different. To live life for yourself on your own terms is a blessing so many women can not have access to. Please believe you are just as worthy, valuable and essential to this life whether you have kids or not. It's the absolute truth ❤

[@leilak.6640]

That's a great comment. Although it's totally understable that women want to be married and have children, it doesn't guarantee a fulfilling life (like "the grass is always greener on the other side"). I have some friends who are married and have kids, but they are exhausted and even consider divorce. Of course this doesn't have to happen, but happiness comes in different forms and you can have everything you've always wanted and still be unhappy.

[@Mar-fl7cx]

🙌

[@bellladonna2071]

Ikr. My daughter is 12 and my son 15. I'm counting the days when they go to college. Being a wife and mom is great. But what a lot of single women don't understand is that as a wife and mom you don't get a break. Ever. I'm exhausted. And I'm a stay at home mom. Can't imagine trying to have a demanding career and balance everything.

[@ForMySoulSistas]

❤️🙏🏾

[@PSdotdotdot]

❤️

[@Haulapsychology]

I'm so glad I found this video. As someone who is 34 year old, with the husband that i've been with for 16 years and been having fertility struggles since I started trying at 32, this conversation resonates so much with me. Been through hell and back the past 18 months. All i'm seeing is convos about childfree by choice women which are absolutely valid, (the best thing a woman who doesn't want children can do, is not have them especially for the child) So it's important to see this side of the conversation. I'm gonna be documenting my fertility journey and speaking about this too because I don't see it being discussed, certainly not with black women! It can be such a lonely space to be in.

[@stewpeas4741]

"you're too picky, I bet that's why you're still single" is the most irritating thing I hear when I tell persons I'm single. I don't even have options to choose from!🤣 that's what they seem not to understand... There's nothing to pick! Lol

[@amarjotsingh8455]

Thank you, I’m 29 still a virgin and never had a bf. I’m starting to accept that it will always be like this

[@raisaa1537]

@@amarjotsingh8455 I feel like a lot of Indians have had the same experience as you due to how conservative our community is. Are you considering arranged marriage?

[@amarjotsingh8455]

@@raisaa1537 have you seen Indian matchmaking? That’s how most Indian men are 😂

[@diandriasmith889]

Exactly. And if there is something to pick from, it is toxicity...that has been my story. Some people--predominantly men--seem to believe that women are just swimming in options, and it's pretty hilarious 😂

[@amarjotsingh8455]

@@diandriasmith889 men are super lonely so they think we have more “options” but we don’t have quality options bc look at the state of men today… they are not husband material

[@LorryHill]

This is such an important video !! Thank you for making it !

[@eleonorastegemann3846]

Absolutely loving how you are showing support for smaller and less known female KZbinrs, always happy to find you in a comment section 🥰♥️

[@nikkisovain9429]

@@eleonorastegemann3846 Yes I love it. Lorry is such a doll

[@LorryHill]

@@eleonorastegemann3846 ❤️🥰

[@LorryHill]

@@nikkisovain9429 ❤️🙏🏻

[@catcoffee7958]

Love your videos 💖

[@afua1990]

As a Christian woman in her early 30s, I believe a major failure in churches is pushing young woman to participate in purity culture with false promises that everything will fall into place (husband, home, and baby). Then when it’s not happening, it’s still the woman’s fault. “Are you praying? Are you fasting? Have you knelt at the feet of Jesus?” I have zero issues with woman choosing to remain virgins until marriage. However; my main issue is the incentive behind it. The truth is that not everyone who chooses this path will end up with a family between 30 - 35. And the sad part Is that the women who want that aren’t emotionally equipped, or have the right support to walk them through that reality.

[@queenie2424]

You are so right. There is actually very little incentive to wait till marriage. And if I am being controversial, the reality is people who are sexually active are more likely to be partnered than virgins/abstibent people. Not because they are having sex but because they are more open minded about dating and about what a good a partner entails. The church also fails to mention that a "good man" is more than a man who is religious. A good man is more than religion. The church clings to to religion too much. There are tons of good men out here who are loving, present and great partners but the church wouldn't know that. I am in no way encouraging women to forsake their religion for a man but realistically would it be so bad to date outside the church? I don't think so. Also, the few men in church are hardly abstinent or dating women in church. They date all women. Why don't women in church do the same?

[@elmoworld850]

This right here👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾. I've been saying this for years. I wish that they were more honest about the fact that not every lady is going to be paired up with a man; especially when there are more women in the church than men. This whole if you wait for marriage, you'll get your Boaz is wrong because: - The bible never states that. - You're wasting these women's time.

[@anissa2361]

They put more pressure on women to remain virgins than men.

[@JanJan4Infinity]

You can also add that there are barely any eligible bachelors attending church nowadays or is it just me who is witnessing this?

[@queenie2424]

@@JanJan4Infinity Girl, you are right. In my experience the men in church do not have their lives together (eg. Broke, still finishing school despite being older, lack of emotional ontelligence etc). A woman basically has to forsake a lot just to be with a Christian man.

[@fatumsoare]

A lot of men rely on women settling to have a chance in having a relationship/ being with a woman. This is why they never put any effort on personal development or in pursuing a woman in a respectful way and that's why they get so mad when a woman chooses not to settle. In the end though there's a lot more men who end up alone than there are women who don't get what they want in the end. Even though this woman is going through all of this now, she got there on her own terms, she made her own choices and that deserves nothing but respect.

[@iwasbornunderwater]

👏👏👏

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Preach.

[@ololusername]

PERIOD

[@tuneunleashed]

I disagree. Men can live alone women can’t…men don’t want to marry a woman like Lolo Jones.

[@antereaw6178]

@@tuneunleashed you can disagree all you want. Men cannot live alone. That’s why after their wives die, they die soon after or after a divorce they get remarried quick whereas women continue living and have no desire to remarry.

[@missmimigny]

As a 39 year old woman single no children, it has been hard to come to grips with the fact that I may not ever have kids. The more I talk about it the easier it gets. But the way our society is setup it truly makes it hard. Thank you for talking about this.

[@sweetluvgurl]

Yeah, even nowadays, you feel like as a woman that you are supposed to have kids, even if you aren’t sure if you necessarily want that.

[@Seleste777]

I typed in Lolo Jones in KZbin and dang! They number of videos about her hitting the wall and this is what feminist and modern woman get. Huh!? Lolo Jones is literally a traditional woman. She is literally all the things that they say they want. She's fit and feminine, she's a virgin, she's a Christian so I'm betting she probably believes in submission. This is what I thought they wanted. The real tea is that she has not been able to find someone to fit into the role of a traditional man. I know she's crying and upset about where she is but it shows a lot of strength that along the way she didn't settle for just anybody. I hope she in time gets the things that will bring her fulfillment.

[@catcoffee7958]

I respect her honesty,,,

[@tuneunleashed]

Disagree. How many men has she passed in 40 years? She should not have had a problem since she is extremely fit, beautiful, and a virgin. You think there would be no man who would not desire a woman of such caliber? Certainly, I would. Surely in 40 years, she'll have met a great man, no doubt about it. Due to her analytical nature, one bad quality would outweigh 11 great qualities in a guy. It's true, because I've been turned down by women due to my Zodiac sign. She publicly ridiculed Blake Griffin for his "bad kissing" and the bad date she had. Is it fair to judge a man after just one date night? Does that describe the qualities traditional woman? Are we now supposed to come together and feel pity cause she's hit the wall? A committed relationship takes 2-4 months .She had 40 years. It went downhill for her, and if you ladies don't learn from Lolo Jones, you'll be crying for a boyfriend, husband and kids in your mid to late 30's. Y'all don't want hospital seed without a father, trust me️.

[@whyaminotoriginal]

@@tuneunleashed no answer to her not finding a traditional man? Are you mad at the abundance of single older men who can't find long term partners?

[@IagainstI.]

@@tuneunleashed Lolo knows those men weren't worthy of being with her which is why she passed them. Why does it always baffle men that women are smart enough to recognize their own worth and not operate in desperation?

[@dkt4377]

Lolo Jones didn't use her time and focus wisely. If she wanted to be a wife/mother, she should have been more strategic.

[@J_Summer69]

I am in my early 50s now and no kids. A lot of people are surprised when I disclose this ( I think there is an assumption that all black women are mothers). A lot of people also assume that I didn’t want kids and it’s hard to explain that it wasn’t a choice. I remember my mid and then late 30s and early 40s being an extremely difficult and desperate time and making bad relationship choices as a result. I also remember feeling really isolated and less than because motherhood is an expectation in my culture. I am pleased that women are now having these conversations. Not all of us who want to be mums will be and we have to reconcile with that. There is so much to unpack on this subject!!

[@bkwcanton5615]

This is so true? I am 43 and no children and the shock on people's faces coupled with the judgement is astounding!!

[@sp123]

I talked to a guy from Argentina who said blake woman always have children because they are traditional

[@coconutwater4531]

@@sp123 lol! If they are so traditional why are they having kids out of wedlock? There’s nothing traditional about single motherhood. People always forget that part.

[@sp123]

@@coconutwater4531 hes from Argentina, he hasnt interacted with any of them in his life

[@moniquelionbridge970]

This is probably my first comment on YT, but I HAVE to let you know that as a 25-year old woman who has never been in a relationship, and is very aware of the fact that I might never get married or have children, I absolutely ADORE your content. I've always thought that this idea that everyone was supposed to find their person was very unrealistic, and seeing women like you being honest about the fact that their romantic life didn't turn out the way they had planned but still thriving and trying to make the most of what they have is refreshing. This is the content more women need to see instead of those stupid misogynistic "How to get a man" videos. Thank you ❤

[@aishabrown2014]

Such a lovely comment, just being nosy but can I ask why you believe marriage and children is something you may not get?

[@CatEyeGem]

I never cared to be married since 12. As young as that was alot of the ideals seemed like a prison where women are often discarded after a time. I never really wanted a child but said I would do it 😂 to make society happy. Then at 23 I said no that it was way too expensive. Do not live by society's script because women irrespective of the chosen path will be miserable because they are trying to live by it. Be true to yourself as either end of the spectrum has pros and cons especially that misogyny is alive and well

[@blakesilvermark1]

@Tony Alston I can agree I will say this keep you standards high but realistic

[@xiaolongbaoenthusiaist457]

@Tony Alston you sound bitter and broken, why would you say something like that unprompted to someone?

[@4drep]

I guess y’all don’t know what misandry . Accountability will be the down fall of so many women today. Y’all need to talk about this . The lies society tells women and when men speak truth it’s misogynistic. No the lies are misogynistic they are using y’all against y’all selves and y’all can’t see it. Try helping women get the results they want rather than focusing on what men you don’t want are saying in comment sections

[@Rocioslane]

It just hit me that going through that process as a virgin must be especially traumatizing 💔

[@JESSKISS19]

Stay a virgin

[@alisondavis1437]

Absolutely. I’m currently looking at the same option and in the same boat as LoLo. I am 36 and living with a chronic illness which is another layer to it all. The courage this woman has to speak publicly about what she is going through is amazing to me. It is incredibly hard even in the decision making stage. The process to freeze your eggs is invasive and difficult enough all on its own let alone having to go through it as a virgin. The hate that has been thrown at her in a time of her life when she needs all the understanding, love and support she can get is honestly defeating.

[@prettymelanin4870]

@@alisondavis1437 Me too but just recently turned 30.

[@Ms.Yana83]

I’m 39 and have been married for 6 years and haven’t been able to have a baby yet. My husband and I are at the point now where we have discussed deep down how we feel if we never have kids and both decided that if it’s “just us” we would be ok with it. I try to look on the bright side and say yea we don’t have kids but we do have the ability to travel all over the world which we do and we have each other to share our lives with.

[@LadyK007]

💗 love to you

[@natural4lifemiss]

You know there are a lot of babies and just kids in general that are in need of loving parents!Adoption is an option.

[@musthave4540]

Im 39 married for 17 years no bio kids if our own. It was nice seeing your comment. We are finally at this point too.

[@MsHenrei]

@@natural4lifemiss People keep saying that. You do know that adoption is expensive right? We're talking tens of thousands of dollars. You can go through foster care system but open your heart to heartbreak because the kids can be reunited with family members at any time.

[@natural4lifemiss]

@@MsHenrei yes I do know as I'm adopted!

[@didyallseethat499]

We need to start showing more women in their 40s, single, dating, and with no children as a viable and fulfilling lifestyle option. I’ll be 44 next month and I never married because I didn’t want to!!! Growing up my mom was a foster parent who wound up adopting, so if being a mother is something that you really want, please consider adoption…you can be a mother and not risk your life in the process. We really need to discuss all of our options as women in the 21st-century.

[@quickpstuts412]

I think someone should start a Reddit group for us to connect. I'm 46. Never desired marriage or kids and I wish I could connect with more women like me.

[@butterflymage5623]

They know it’s an option though. Everything you’ve said is everything they a lot of young women say if they aren’t specifically hoping for a husband and their own kids. For the ladies that are at that point or past they need to accept and move on. For the young ones they need to be taught how to move today to get what they want long term, waiting for a man to find you specifically that you also want out of billions of men and women just might not work for you. You might have to fish a little.

[@dreamyx01]

@@quickpstuts412 this is me.

[@arcticbeach]

Honestly, I'm 27 and I'd rather never have a child than give a man who doesn't want to marry me a baby. I know I still have time but with my social anxiety I stay in a lot. If I'm not at work chances are I'm home. I figure if I really want a child later I'll just adopt.

[@KingBluetooth66]

What city you in? If it's a big one like la or New York it's actually harder because there's way more competition

[@jcmor4856]

@@KingBluetooth66 Not really, depends on the age and race of the child.

[@arcticbeach]

@@KingBluetooth66 it's not that big like 70k people.

[@kayyx2563]

@@KingBluetooth66 not really. I’m in NY and there are plenty of wealthy men everywhere I turn.

[@KingBluetooth66]

@@kayyx2563 yes but will these wealthy men still stick by you after they sleep with you

[@patrickdavenport6254]

I am a woman over 50. (These are my family names, not my name.) I'm straight, have never been married, never wanted kids. I'm happy and have no shame. Good luck, everyone. I'm rooting for you and your happiness.

[@catwhisperer1253]

Same. I wrote my story above. I am 52, straight, never married, and never had kids. I am happy and have no shame like you. Oftentimes, I think I am better off. I dodged many bullets. I am also rooting for all of you and your happiness. You don't need a traditional life to be happy. There are pros and cons to every situation.

[@patrickdavenport6254]

@@catwhisperer1253 Thanks! I wish more women understood this, or were even aware that it's possible.

[@bullitt0713]

I was always told growing up to focus on my studies. A man will come later. I believed them. It never happened. I graduated from college and got my career. Everyone told me, focus on your career. A man will come when you least expect it...when you’re not looking for someone. I took that advice and never looked for a man, thinking he will come naturally. I am now in my mid 40s. Never married. No kids. I wanted children. I expected to have children. I even think I would be a good mother. I’m a school teacher and love children. With my job, obviously I can’t afford the freezing of eggs or IVF treatments. I’m heartbroken....and that’s the truth. Thank you for talking about this.

[@catwhisperer1253]

I am 52 and a school teacher. I never got married or had kids. I am still very, very, very grateful that I focused on my studies and got a career that can support me. I have taught in 3 different countries and have had some amazing adventures. My mom, unfortunately, never was encouraged to go to college. She was encouraged to just get married. She did and was very abused. My parents got a divorce when I was 9. She did not get custody of the kids because she had no college education, no job, and no money. She suffered a great deal from that and would say, "What type of mom leaves her kids?" In addition, for the rest of her life, she lived in extreme poverty. So, focusing on your studies and getting a good job that can support you no matter if you end up single, married, or divorced is a good thing. Whether you meet a partner or not is another issue.

[@bullitt0713]

@@catwhisperer1253 yeah. Our choices are half luck I suppose.

[@catwhisperer1253]

@@bullitt0713 I am sorry that you are so heartbroken. I wish women had longer childbearing years or that humans had longer life spans. I often think that if I could live to 200 and old age didn't start to about 175, I would probably have a family. But, we only have so much time to do so many things. I guess for some people, it is still a possibility at an older age. My childhood friend just had twins at 50! She is not married, but I noticed on Facebook that she has a new boyfriend. I don't know if he is the father. I don't know if she froze her eggs, had IVF, etc. She has always been fit and done triathlons. I wouldn't want kids at my age though. I am happy being single, free, and doing what I want. I am happy that she is happy and it will be fun watching the kids grow up.

[@bullitt0713]

@@catwhisperer1253 twins at 50! Wow! Truly incredible!

[@auntiemaye2419]

I completely understand. I was told the same thing. I am now a 53 year old virgin. I am Black. I was hurt until about age 44 when I let it go. I never looked back. I am raising my brother’s daughter. She is all the child that I need. It’s tough (how many times have I heard “you’re not my mama!), but I love her.

[@angiem1704]

People who write disgusting comments like that are usually very unhappy in their own lives and take it out on other people. Instead of having empathy for someone who wants kids and can't have them for different reasons, they judge the person. At the end of the day, I feel sorry for them .

[@SheIsFearfullyWonderfullyMade]

I’m 39, never married, no children. I’m not a career driven “boss chick” or was just playing the field. I literally only had 3 relationships so far… I desire marriage and children so I have empathy for Lolo… I’m having fibroid removal surgery next week. Hopefully after that, I can explore egg retrieval and freezing🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@veenegrabella5345]

Good luck with your surgery.

[@deevah2450]

Good luck to you. Several friends of mine have had their fibroids removed and I think im next.

[@bedazzlinbeauty]

good luck sis❤

[@dkt4377]

You are in my prayers

[@wistfulwriter7]

The amount of people that told me to "think positive" when I had lost my baby was SO toxic. Thinking positive isn't going to change genetics FFS. And in all future pregnancies, too. Toxic positivity sucks, and it's invalidating, and I will continue to call it out when it happens because I lost all my effs with my baby.

[@kyliCatherine1]

Yesss! Toxic positivity! That’s a good one because that’s exactly what it is. I am sooo sorry for your loss btw… and while I haven’t been in a situation like that, I have definitely been in really bad situations that weren’t caused by me, but had people telling me that somehow it’s my fault. Because of this spiritual movement, people now think that we all can control every little thing that happens in our lives thru thought and manifestation, and that’s just not true. I used to be very into spirituality, before it even became trendy, but that part of it is such a turn-off. It’s just another way to victim blame.

[@coachkrish]

Devastating. Loss is a horrible fatiguing pain. I'm so sorry your experience was minimized ❤️

[@lilah337]

Went through the same, really made me feel some type of way once the nurse told me I’d be miscarrying. I broke down emotionally. She told me I could just have another one. My significant other had already left me. He changed his mind about having the baby we planned. My doctor refused to give me a d&c because saying the scar tissue could make the next pregnancy more difficult, miscarriage took 3 months. Took a toll on me. My miscarriage revealed I had Lupus and I had to put a stop to my cycle because they were causing flares. Sorry for your loss.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

@@lilah337 I'm sorry for your. Your doctor and nurse don't sound too understanding.

[@ayanomar1408]

excuse my french but fuck that toxic positivity, very few things are worse than losing your baby and I am sorry you went thru this and that people’s shitty supprort made it worse

[@JessicaLanear]

This is why I rock with you. You are the only one that I see talking to this demographic. I’m 38, single and still chasing my career. I’ve moved all over the place and I don’t have children but I’ve wanted them for years. I’m not giving up hope. Until I do, I’m the ultimate auntie Gladly!!

[@Jk-ex6jk]

Praying that God gives you everything you want and more !

[@Lisette121]

I feel like finding a man to have a baby with you is not as hard and that's if your standards are in the gutter. I feel like many people expect you to entertain a random dude off the street or club, or online who 9 times outta 10 won't be able to support you or the baby. Also, you have to, like you said, want to be compatible with that individual and want a connection, as well as a commitment before having intercourse. So yeah I think people in general need to understand that just because we can have a baby with some random dude off the street doesn't mean we should. In a 'modern' society money matters. Dating a broke man is a recipe for disaster. Literacy matters, having good fatherlike and husband qualities matter. So if a woman desires those qualities in a spouse then let her. It's like they want us to have no standards (which are realistic standards) just to have a man or a baby. I feel like those men laughing at her are those type or men who don't measure up. I feel like because society has changed so much, like you said women who aren't on that same page are left to pay the price. A woman who wants marriage before babies, or an established man may have to weigh her options carefully especially since many men don't value marriage anymore, or being a provider. At the same time, settling also doesn't work because in the end the woman will suffer. So I understand women who hold out hope.

[@shermaynebrown5165]

Lizette you get it!

[@Lisette121]

@@shermaynebrown5165 wish more did.

[@fizzychizzy]

Exactly. Doomed if they do. Doomed if they don't. Wait for the right man that may never come. Or settle for a man that may never step up. And what happens if you find that man and have a kid. You have like a 50% chance that it doesn't end up in divorce. And now you are a divorced, single mother. Hopefully, it ended well and it is an amicable relationship with the father. Maybe its not. And now, you end up being the talking point that all these people talk about. An unwanted, single mother. Entering the market again in your 30s/late 30s. Or you settle for a man that doesn't step up to be a good father and partner. And you end up an unwed, single mother. And now you are another talking point. Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.

[@Nat0528]

Yup!!! All of this!!! I’m 40 with a 17 y/o. I always wanted to have another child, but after divorcing my ex hubby yearssssss ago, i have never met another person that i could or desired to procreate with. Dating in itself is hard, so imagine trying to find a person that is capable of being a parent together with you. I was lucky to be partnered and had my daughter young, although we divorced, he’s an amazing dad and coparent. So i know at 40, if i didn’t meet my ex, i’d be probably be 40 and childless. So many men these days are not even good fwb! Muchless being good fathers and me making one of thrm immortal with my womb! abeg!

[@Lisette121]

@@fizzychizzy yup

[@divatashi]

These kinds of hateful comments come from extremely unhappy people. Their opinions shouldn’t even be acknowledged. They’re seeking attention

[@pauletteorhii8200]

I think there is something to be said about the fact that there are tons of women who are raised with conservative backgrounds who are having trouble finding a similarly conservative man (i.e. virgin until marriage, etc). I think it's because men are only conservative where it benefits them (i.e. patriarchy) and discard the other teachings. Not only is this accepted by the Church, but it's encouraged, and I think a lot of women could benefit from learning this lesson early so they can manage their expectations. Saving yourself is great if you genuinely just want it for YOURSELF, but if you're doing it for a man, the right one probably wouldn't care about whether you've had sex. Toxic men tend to be the type to want to 'own' your virginity. Everyone is entitled to desire certain things but understand what comes (or doesn't come- no pun intended) with those desires

[@anissa2361]

This is so true. In the church if a woman loses her virginity men and women make a big deal about it. But let it be a man and it's rarely talked about. Women are taught to keep themselves "pure" more than men in the church are. On top of that, there are few Christian men. So outside if it being hard for women to date in general, it's even harder for Christian women. Men who claim to be Christian don't want to wait until marriage.

[@dkt4377]

Frankly, men have not changed. Women have. The feminist sexual liberation movement of the 1960s culminated into this current swipe left swipe right phenomenon plaguing the dating scene, Hook up culture. Men have always wanted commitment free sex, women fought for this and are now complaining about the outcome.

[@coconutwater4531]

Yes the Christian men seem to be the most promiscuous

[@laurena8538]

Absolutely! I’d love to see a video on this topic. I was not raised to “save myself for marriage” but I knew some girls (never boys) who were. I always wondered where they were going to find all these men who have the same values. Don’t get me wrong, I think they exist, but probably in very small numbers.

[@blakesilvermark1]

@@laurena8538 honestly I'm doing it for me really as a person who already had gone through sexual trauma as a child. I have a hard time even thinking or doing sex at all. My therapist said think about it first if you had a boyfriend and you had sex with him and he decided that he didn't want to be with you anymore it would destroy you because you already had someone take something away from from already. So for me I'm saving it for myself and someone I'm engaged to hopefully because then I know that this is only gonna be with him and I need lots of time with feeling comfortable with a guy and there's other things we can do in a relationship I'm okay with doing light sexual things but theirs some sexual things I'm going to hold off on until I'm married to him. But he'd have to help me feel comfortable with him and be a patient guy don't rush me into things too quickly or sexual things etc. But I'd want someone who's serious about me and sex is on the table but it's not the first priority to him

[@Balgees24]

I just search her name here, alot black men dragging her, just imagine if she was black women, people need to say nothing if they can't say nice things. I'm 35 virgin and if I never get married I'm looking to adopt a boy and a girl. It's sad that she treated like this, she just didn't meet her match. This has nothing to do with finimest, people acting like she rejected her dream man, it just did not happen. She is fit and healthy woman and I hope her dream comes true.

[@SwatiBornGirl]

Amen

[@corina4100]

My mom had me and my twin brother at 44 with the help of an egg donor. I just donated my own eggs last week to pay it forward! Hope that gives a little inspiration :)

[@karidelmar1214]

Im 33 and single and at times struggle to fight the fears that society has embedded into me. I am so grateful to have found you. I cant thank you enough for sharing your experience. You may not be a mother but there’s something so powerful about hearing you speak about these topics that is beyond comforting. You’re a rebel and as a woman, you gave me strength and courage. Thank you. Continue to reclaim your space and purpose. I will do the same.

[@flowersforreal2026]

This

[@lizacopeland2388]

I found my husband in my mid 30s but got married to him at 43 and he at 42 years old. Doesn’t Matter when you get married it matters how awesome your man is to you.

[@diandriasmith889]

YES YES YES! THANK YOU for talking about that manifestation bit. People, especially SOME of my fellow church-raised black women, IRK me to no end about how you can "manifest" and "speak into existence" some imaginary partner. They refuse to understand that it's the luck of the draw, and even sometimes THAT may not work out. I have a family member who is prayed up and always speaking relative positivity. Yet, and still, her husband has a whole side family. Anyway, I will not believe that I am so broken, beneath other women, and resistant to destiny that I am blocking the arrival of a husband. That is ridiculous thinking.

[@nowwhat1434]

Preach! Great comment.

[@ChristinaLove844]

Yes! I need y'all around me in real life when I'm fighting the manifestation folks.

[@SH-vj2ce]

Manifesting is witchcraft. Speaking what you want to see in life is different. I want certain things for my life and walking in congruence of my words and thoughts produces action (on my part) which has brought about what I have in my life. My mom used to tell me as a child, "stop saying your sick or don't feel good" eventually, you will NOT feel good and she was right. Even now, when I feel under the weather, I'll say "my body needs rest" or "I will feel better soon". Words do have power. Ps... manifesting is not a Biblical practice for the sake of acquiring things or people, lol. However, speaking in faith is a Biblical practice. I'd rather do that then speak of doubt and demise. We all get a choice.

[@diandriasmith889]

@@SH-vj2ce I agree on the part of positivity. But to me that's just using positive affirmations. Rather than tearing yourself down, you should speak productive and helpful things so that you don't internalize negative attributes and make yourself go into a depression. In that instance, your words do have power. Also, it's important to speak positivity to others. However, I don't believe that positive statements go so far as to tell the future outside of yourself. I believe that I can say to myself I will personally reach a goal. But I can't say someone else or the universe is going to do anything. It may not be found in the Bible, but I've only heard fellow Christians use that terminology. The future is literally unpredictable, and really, I think we have the most agency when it comes to how we react to circumstances. And that's probably why speaking positively is so important. So that you don't internalize "failures" or blame yourself for circumstances, avoiding falling apart when the future goes in another direction.

[@SH-vj2ce]

@@diandriasmith889 Nothing wrong with positive affirmations. We agree there. The "Christian" community is not all the same. As I'm sure you notice in your community and on social media. A lot of witchcraft has seeped its way into the church. I don't know if you believe in Jesus or not but that's not my point. My point is, manifesting just for riches or saying "The Universe" this or that is not Biblical teaching" a lot of Christians got this manifesting/universe teaching mixed with the Bible and that's what I'm calling out. Ask me how I know, lol... I fell victim to the teaching and realized it was wrong. As people the Bible says we will go through trouble in this world and not everyone will be able to manifest by sheer will of saying " dear universe send me a husband". Naw fam, you got to get out here and date and use your faith that the right person will come into your life. That's all I'm saying.

[@Rina021]

Ladies, freeze your eggs in Europe. Countries like Spain, Greece and Czech Republic have very affordable and good quality options. I did it in Athens and it was so easy and not expensive (relatively speaking). Got 22 healthy eggs at age 35. I was there all by myself and managed it fine.

[@nowwhat1434]

I been thinking about this. Glad you posted.

[@Fatima-kp8hi]

Thank you for the note Irene. I know with some places when you do surgery, they provide the housing. Was that still the case for this procedure. I might have to go alone.

[@Rina021]

@@Fatima-kp8hi I'm not sure about other places but where I went they didn't provide housing. I stayed at an airbnb nearby which was fine.

[@TheLovelylove]

How👏🏾much👏🏾does👏🏾that👏🏾Cost?? Your idea of inexpensive can be Completely different than others,esp if you're talking to single women with normally one income. Not to sound rude but if money is the reason plp wont get it,at least let us know before we start calling and look stupid when it's still not the right price range.

[@Rina021]

@@TheLovelylove I paid around 2,500 Euros for the procedure including the extra medicines (the cost of medicines can vary a bit depending on the dosage you need). Then airbnb to stay for around 2 weeks was around 500 Euros (again this will depend what you find, time of year etc), and of course the flights will depend where you're coming from. If you're coming from the US of course the flights may be expensive. The eggs are then kept frozen free of charge for the first year and then 200 or 250 Euros (I forgot which) per year to keep them frozen there. This was in Athens, of course it varies in different countries but I had checked around and it was more less similar cost-wise in Spain and Czech Republic too.

[@catherineb.]

I just turned 30 this year. I believe having children is an immense responsibility that I currently am not ready for. I haven't found my "Mr Right" yet, but I don't worry about that either. FYI: there are 430,000 children in the foster care system, of those 430,000, there are currently 120,000 waiting to be adopted. Adoption is an option if you want to go that route. No matter what, a woman's life doesn't stop at 30, it doesn't stop at 40, it stops when you are no longer breathing.

[@9darshana]

Well said.

[@rachelfrombefore]

This is why you are such an important creator in this space. This experience is something that needs to be talked about with empathy and grace.

[@Mpz3cat]

Practice stoicism. Don’t have expectations you cannot control and just accept how things are. It’s hard but we have to learn.

[@aries8597]

Good and underrated advice

[@skyfalldeadpool1633]

In this day and age. You are damn it you do and you are damn if you don't. As long as you won't go through the traditional ways you will be judged. If you are a woman and have children single you will be judged! If you have them and divorce you will be judged if you can't have children or don't want children you will be judged by mostly manosphere men and women! That is why y'all need to unplug from online and live your lives outside of this internet sphere if you want true happiness

[@ZariaWorldwide]

Single, child free and 40 this year! I must say, once I hit that birthday and let go of the motherhood gambit, a weight lifted off my shoulders. When people say, “Oh, there’s still time!” I say, “No-no-no. I’ve officially aged out! Leave me be.” I probably would have been an amazing mother, but alas… the time has passed. 🤩 C’est la vie! I’m so glad I always prioritized following my gut, respecting my values, and pursuing what brings me joy. I’ve lived and traveled all over the world, I’ve experienced great loves and romance worthy of books, I’ve had an organic career, my money isn’t funny, and I have a global and active friend network that welcomes me with open arms wherever I go. I find the joy in my freedom and in the fact that I can continue to live a child-like existence because I am not responsible for someone else. I don’t have much to complain about. None of the seriously heavy worries of a husband and children that pop culture glamorizes. It’s a lightweight life and I recommend it! 😍

[@Soyodiggity]

This is why I'm freezing my eggs for my 25th birthday next year . Everyone around me thinks I'm crazy for it but I'm seeing too many women 38-40 plus crying about not being able to have kids. I'd rather learn from their mistakes than my own.

[@marlenequialarafael1408]

👏🏾

[@TomikaKelly]

Congrats! How are you paying for it? 📝

[@bkwcanton5615]

I'm 43 and chose not to have children I was married young with the same man throughout my 20s and single by 30. I have not found anyone since then to be with long term and have children. I didn't want just anybody's baby. Women are dragged for not being mothers and dragged for being baby momma's. Can't win!!

[@mck318]

I’m 42 with no children, never been married. I am the only person I know who wanted kids and didn’t have them. I have been in that mourning phase for the past 3 or 4 years. Let’s start a support group!!

[@mrandall1979]

I totally understand the "mourning phase"....grieving over not having the life that I really wanted. And trying to wrap my head around the fact that so many of my friends who always said they hated children having families.

[@flowersforreal2026]

Yes! Can we start a discord or something please?

[@angelahairston4761]

I really don’t even want kids, but when I went to the doctor at the age of 31 and they asked if I wanted to start the process of freezing my eggs, I realize that I might actually never meet somebody that would even Want to make me think about having kids! And that experience really made me sad because I had gone 31 years in my life and never had a boyfriend and it’s been some years since then and I still have never had a boyfriend. Any situation that’s still trying to figure things out! I pray we all come to peace with the terms of life is going to end up!

[@sanara77]

I’m 40 right now and pregnant. I think there has to be a balance between what society says is timely and how we envision our lives for ourselves. Turn off social media and stop listening to unsolicited advice. Take life into your own hands and be happy no matter what. Our lives are like finger prints we are not programmable robots coming off a conveyor belt. Everyone is unique and one persons reality and experience does not have to mean that’s your experience and reality. Stop with the group think and be independent and live life on your terms. The more you chase something the more that thing alludes you. There is a difference between chronological age and biological age. Mentality means a lot if you think your old and washed up, or hit a wall… guess what, you are!! I have a friend 40 got married on a yacht last year to a doctor, off the coast of France. She never sat around whining about her age or prospects. Lol

[@SH-vj2ce]

THIS!!!!! Especially the "get off social media" and poignant "unsolicited advice" Too many ladies on the gram and YT not out here living life! What happened to society that we'd rather thumb up some strangers fake lifestyle on SM than out here creating your own life??? Congratulations to you sis. May God bless you and your family. I know if God did it for you he can do it for me and others. #gogetwhatyouwantfromlife #stopwastingyourowntime #lifeismorethansocialmedia

[@LadyK007]

💯🎯

[@lk3397]

So true. Congrats on your baby!

[@shalalala868]

Congrats!

[@nirvanawellness3619]

That's my mindset 👍

[@takishasallbeautyzone]

I feel like standing up, clapping, voting, signing the petition...whatever you want girl 👏🏽 👏🏽👏🏽!

[@The_1_She]

Oh steph you are a rebel, a revolutionary… you are speaking to the voiceless and it’s just everything

[@Mar-fl7cx]

100% agree with you on the disgusting misogynistic comments about Lolo. The sad part is also seeing women talking the same way about her, also saw a woman calling herself as a „dating expert“ listing everything she thinks she has done wrong as if she knows Lolo. These stupid people just jump on this topic to make money, exploiting another woman’s pain. Absolutely nauseating 🤮.

[@s.s.5106]

I think part of adulthood is mourning for the life you didn’t get to live. I wish we grew up hearing that or were prepared to experience it. My daughter was an unplanned pregnancy, and it’s taken me four years to finally see a light at the end of the tunnel of my mourning my singlehood and freedom. I single parent by choice, but the older she gets the more I wish things would’ve gone differently. I know I am on the flip side of this discussion, but I just want to share as I think I’ve had to accept this is my life now and God is still good, even though he didn’t send me down the path I was promised by my family.

[@ForeverPalestine]

This is exactly what is wrong with society. God didn't send you down the path your family promised ?🤔 Wth is that. NOBODY is promised ANYTHING. if you didn't want a child then you shouldn't have had sex protected or unprotected does NOT matter NOTHING is guaranteed. God says don't have sex before marriage you didn't listen to that but some how feel entitled to a specific life. The audacity that people think they are automatically owed something or deserve something 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@s.s.5106]

@@ForeverPalestine your opinion amounts to a pile of dust to me. Most black people understand that nothing is guaranteed. I didn’t say I felt entitled or owed anything. I didn’t say my child was unwanted. Unplanned and unwanted are two different things. As I said, I accept my life. I expressed one viewpoint of a small glimpse of my life to share the sentiments of the video, but my life is way more than me getting pregnant from premarital sex. I’m more than a comment I left on a video. I’m sorry you feel entitled to judge others based on sins from their past and felt triggered enough to project your frustrations onto me. I hope that self righteousness brought you joy. As for me, I’m going to continue to share my testimony where I feel lead to. God bless whoever you are.

[@mary_puffin]

Lovely response to the troll, S.S. Single childless woman here - happy you’re moving forward. :)

[@tameraweatherspoon2320]

I also think the conversation needs to be had about familiarity in relationships. My Husband is the father of all 3 of my kids and we've known each other since high-school. But I have found myself thinking about today's society and to be honest, if I hadn't already known him, I doubt I'd have children or be married. I don't go anywhere to meet any male prospects, I don't trust dating websites, and I don't have a habit of approaching men even when I am out. Not to mention the standards that I have for a relationship or a mate. I am a 35 year old who works and returns home then repeat. I can honestly say the only reason I'm married or have kids is because of the sense of familiarity with my husband. I wouldn't even know where to start in today's world. I can definitely understand why it's discouraging to say the least. This is just a different perspective but I appreciate your honesty and I wish you the very best in whatever you decide moving forward. ❤️

[@sweetdoc1472]

I am single but this is me. Work home, stores and little outings now and then. Im not out and about. People say this is why Im single. Is it? People always seem to know why someone is single even when the way they met their person was serrendipitous. It's scary out there.

[@santanacaipirinha9536]

@@sweetdoc1472 Exactly. They basically had their partner thrown into their lap, yet you are apparently doing everything wrong. It didn't happen when I was out and about and I don't see it happening ever. Work, home, occasional restaurant. It's not gonna happen at the supermarket either. The apps and websites creep me out, but of course those are always suggested. I sometimes ask people if they would have used them if they were still single now and they all go "Oh no! That wouldn't be for me". Just...bite me.

[@santanacaipirinha9536]

A colleague told me once that if she and her husband were to ever divorce and she'd have to start over with someone new, it would be like a complete culture shock. And that she wouldn't know how to date or meet someone new anyway. A lot of people just got lucky early on and didn't have to deal with this mess, the others in not-so-great relationships just stay out of familiarity and safety. Ironically, that leaves less people in the dating pool for the ones still looking that might have been a better fit.

[@tameraweatherspoon2320]

I agree with and understand exactly what each of you mean.

[@TheVanity555]

I will never understand anyone who could be negative about someone who is having a difficult time with fertility wanting to experience motherhood. Those kind of people are vibrating on a very low frequency.

[@Indigolily80]

Thank you for saying this. I'm 41 and last fall, I had my own crisis about this topic. I didn't feel like I had a place to publically discuss it or mourn. I had accepted my reality a while back but I'm still not ok with it.

[@pynkbymbo]

Girl! I’m 40 and negative single and I’ve began my mourning process. Marriage and even relationships just isn’t in my cards, love don’t love me and I’m slowly becoming ok with that.

[@keptbygrace6221]

Never give up on love. I have a 44 year-old co-worker who just married for the first time. Her husband is a widower with adult children, and they are living their best life. I'm also going to a wedding this weekend of a 47 year-old friend who is getting married. It will happen when the time is right. 🙂

[@myramilton1833]

I feel the same way sis

[@LadyK007]

@@keptbygrace6221 exactly! Never “late” for marriage!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@sweetpeaj1952]

I first saw this story on of all places recommended red pill videos on youtbe. And yes, they were going in on her. I just don't like the hypocrisy because the same men that are going in on her wouldn't want to meet her standards. Which I believe was remaining a virgin until she feels she has met the right one. Yes, many may say she was very picky, but I notice people are amused and love to taunt people who haven't met 'societal' milestones.

[@chaosswa-ee-ty5911]

That's the whole point, they want to lower your standard.

[@CrystalM1917]

Right now what they can't say is she was for the streets, something else they love to attribute to women who arent married by a certain time..and yet you see how she isn't pedastalized for having remained a virgin in those circles is she?? Which is just another tactic they use to try and control womens bodies/choices. I was a virgin when I got married, though I was young at 23 but I particularly hate that aspect of their rhetoric bc it's disingenuous misogyny

[@sweetpeaj1952]

@@CrystalM1917 exactly

[@xiaolongbaoenthusiaist457]

She’s a virgin & waiting for marriage, it only make sense she’s waiting for someone who’s doing the same.

[@leopie_777]

they won't take accountability for the dating pool being shit. lolo jones is beautiful, successful, she seems like a good person. she's been looking for a man who is her equal, shares her faith, and has the same goals. and she hasnt found it. i dont think thats a reflection on her, thats a reflection on men.

[@Morenita570]

She’s not a good person. She may have grown some, because life is a great teacher.

[@catwhisperer1253]

@@Morenita570 I don't know anything about Lolo, but that is a very negative comment. Can you explain why you think she is not a good person?

[@sdneytaco2226]

how are u light skinned and catn find a men who wont be good too u? it has to be her that the problem.

[@Manifest-222]

Everything that’s good to you isn’t good for you.

[@shalalala868]

We don’t know who she met and how she approached dating to say it was all men’s fault. We don’t know if she was intentional and prudent with her time. Now I’m seeing why men say women lack accountability. Smh.

[@brownsugarz7655]

I’m way past the inspiration age too. I’m introverted socially awkward 40 year old left over blk woman .. I’ve never been married & do not expect for that to change . When i say that ppl think I’m being negative but I’m being honest The 40 year old virgin lady still has way more options than i ever will. Atp in my life I’ve accepted my fate & no it’s not always easy because you still see your family and friends getting everything you thought you would have , but I still root them on & wish them all well…

[@wayawuffin]

as my 30s are fast approaching, this has been on my mind a lot recently. i love love love hearing women talk about things like this, it reminds me that i’m not alone in so many of my fears. thank you for this video!!

[@sunny2themoon]

It's better to be by yourself than be in an unhappy, unequal, and toxic marriage and family, where they continue the trend. There are a lot of men and women in toxic marriages for a variety of reasons and would be better off alone. On the flip side there are men and women in health and fulfilling relationships that they value and work on. It's better to work on yourself, meet someone who you can grow with, love, and support. These people didn't settle and they are doing just fine.

[@princesslamour1985]

Wasn't an article just written about the large amount of single men out here....🤔🤔 everyone is single now

[@blackvegan1341]

I am 42 years old and precisely in this position. I tried egg freezing and am now freezing embryos. Its been tremendously difficult becuse I am on my seventh cyle with only one successful embryo frozen. I need 2 embryos to make the odds over 50%. I have the resources to do everything I can to keep going but no one talks about the depression and physical changes that comes with it. So I got a therapist and am working on acceptance. Covid hit and a lot of women who thought they had time lost 2 years. I was working my career but was dating, the guys were simply not good long term partners. At this point I don't care what other people think, it is true that most women in my position simply chose not to settle and although the consequences are that I may not have a child, I also know that by not settling I avoided a lot if pain and suffering that comes with choosing the wrong person. I am going to go it alone but will approach this with the same dedication as I did my career. My life did not turn out the way I expected but I just know its going to be even better and that God will blow my mind.

[@kaymsov]

Everyone settles. We all have heightened sense of ego in this modern day society. Men think they settle too. They get older and think they can have lots of women, why settle for one. Why can't we realise that we are all human and we just need to find someone we can work with and build together with. We need to mate and procreate it's a must. Sorry you are going through the stresses of embryo freezing. I hope it works but I implore you to have an open mind in dating.

[@blackvegan1341]

@@kaymsov thank you. Very interesting perspective. Will definitely adopt a more open mind. Wish me luck!

[@ChineloNnadi]

You're a kind woman Steph, and its very appreciated.

[@OnTheBrighterSide91]

I love this video!! “What happens next?” We need more accounts of joyful aging 💛 because the reality of it is, only the lucky ones grow old 🌿

[@spacetimecontinuum]

Lolo should swing by Nick Cannon's house, he's dropping babies(No. 10) in women left, right and center, plus she's his type. I do feel for her though. By the way, I know you would never do this-but do think about it- you have subscribers who root for you so hard, that if you were to start a GoFundMe for a round of IVF you could get that money easily, I would ONE HUNNERT PERCENT DONATE. If anyone deserves a chance to be a Mother, it is you, you have so much love and wisdom to impart, a child would be lucky to have you.

[@coconutwater4531]

I would too. As black women, we’re all we got. We have to support each other because nobody else will.

[@spacetimecontinuum]

@@coconutwater4531 Exactly ❤️

[@4drep]

@@coconutwater4531 fathers are not important over I see

[@deez4evs]

Im 41/single/no kids. I think something that people arent talking enough about is whether you want to have kids in this global environment. Watching parents (moms) struggle through the pandemic looked absolutely horrible. It was called the pink recession because it was mostly moms and women who took the brunt of the child care issues during the pandemic. In the United States there are so many things that I would not want to bring a child into. I went through the mourning process, there were many tears,’meditation sessions prayer sessions etc. Ultimately I will not be having kids. But when I took a step back this is really not a world that I would want to bring children into anyway. Also I kept reminding myself that childbearing is just a phase of life, and at 41, many people in my peer group are moving out of the child rearing phase so it gets easier than in my 20s and 30s.

[@quickpstuts412]

I'm 5 years older than you and feel the exact same way. I'm just focusing on my spiritual and mental health. Trying to live my best life and dealing with the cards I've been dealt. There are pros and cons to every life situation so it's really about doing your best with what you have and counting your blessings because we have many of them. Wish you the best!

[@keptbygrace6221]

Every generation since the beginning of time has has plagues, famine, genocide, etc. Did people stop living, loving and having families?

[@rocsib9551]

I’m glad we are having this conversation. I’m married with 2 children. While I’m not in this boat, I have two daughters and I’m terrified for them. My husband and I have conversations about what do we teach them about love, men, marriage and children. Do they pursue their careers, then families, vice versa, a combination? I’m learning so much from this conversation. Very helpful as I decide what to tell my daughters.

[@briannab.8127]

I agree , they should pursue career then marriage . Women become single mothers all the time, and you wouldn’t want them to struggle God forbid this should happen to them .

[@rocsib9551]

@@briannab.8127 I’m leaning towards definitely pursing their careers, but while on that path, being open to love an marriage too, and if a great partner (not a perfect person) comes along, go for it. The trend I’m seeing in our community is that as black women, most of us end up single and childless when we put off having a family to establish our careers. So many of us get to 30/35 and say “ok, I’m ready for kids/marriage” only to realize we have few (if any) good options. If my children want families, I think they should be open to this early. I met their dad in my twenties, and he was not where he wanted to be, but I chose him anyway. We worked together and now we have the life we want. I think being open to all possibilities is wise.

[@coconutwater4531]

If you had them with a black man and they look black, tell them to expand their dating options beyond black men.

[@Gabster1990]

Love happens along the way and just because they don't meet their partners when young, doesn't mean they'll never meet anyone.

[@Nat0528]

I’m 40 with a 17 y/o. I always wanted to have another child, but after divorcing my ex hubby yearssssss ago, i have never met another person that i could or desired to procreate with. Dating in itself is hard, so imagine trying to find a person that is capable of being both a parent and partner, together with you. I was perhaps lucky to be partnered and had my daughter young (at 22) and although we divorced, he’s an amazing dad and coparent. So i know now at 40, if i didn’t meet my ex years earlier…i’d be probably be 40 and childless. So many men these days are not even good fwb! Muchless being good fathers and me making one of them immortal with my womb! abeg! I love and dote upon my only child unimaginably 🌺🌸❤️🌸 and besides loving her more than anyone; i believe i also know that if i didn’t have her, i most likely wouldn’t have been a mom either. So i get it, so many of us would’ve liked to have more children, but that’s not a reality for us either.

[@ant1guan]

Thank you for this video, single black woman in the same situation. I’ve been through IUI and IVF and now on the adoption journey. It’s been a really hard road.

[@beewest5704]

Lolo is a Olympic athlete. She spent her live for this goal that is why most ppl are not Olympiads. It takes alot of sacrifice & training. It must be super difficult to find a conservative man waiting to have sex that will support his partner & come 2nd in her life cause that is the sacrifice you make to be a Olympian. Unfortunately you can have it all but not at the same time.

[@morewithmariama7723]

That hair is everything on you!!!

[@Hintedbymarina]

I love your content and transparency in general, but this one really hits home!! I agree...more conversations among folks that are 35+ about, what now, and what happens next when you DON'T hit those rigid "life goals" milestones need to be had. Those are the conversations that actually inspire women and hold great value....I hope to hear more of them in the future!

[@karynaellis1844]

I am in my late 20s, and the conversation about having kids is a difficult one for me. On one hand, I can't say that I would want to have children anytime soon or at least by the time I am 30 years old, despite the immense pressure from my mum (even though i'm literally still living at her house??). On the other hand, I do feel societal pressure that I am supposed to want to have children, looking at my peers who are married with kids or other friends talking about their excitement to have children. If the desire grew inside me to have children, the elephant in the room is that I have never had a boyfriend my entire adult life as I have never had options. The only interest I have ever gained from men is purely sexual (something that my mother fails to understand when she's lecturing me about never having a boyfriend and the fact that she wants to have grandchildren). I feel as though i'm at the age where I am supposed the be thinking about having my first child in the next few years, however as a single person who frankly never comes across ...any serious candidates - I've had started to prepare myself for that reality. I have already started to settle with the idea that I may never just meet the "right guy", consequently I think the reality of neither having kids is to follow. Something that I think I can come to terms with but I know the elders in my family would not. Honestly I am tired of being told "you're single because XYZ", or "it'll happen when you least expect it". I too would love to see more representation of women who didn't settle, and therefore did not get married or have kids, i'd like to know what life could too look like - not just the cautionary tale we're told of a women with her 10 cats.

[@Carlyon100]

Firstly thank you for articulating your feelings so well. This subject has so many layers but in essence is a personal decision after careful condideration of whether it is viable, sustainable, fulfilling or not. Singleness does not always mean being alone or childless. What it means is serving old wine in new skins. Many women have battled this conundrum without the glare of social media but trust and believe there are communities out there ready to find their tribe. The beauty of struggle is making your life meaningful relevant and necessary to contribute positively to the human condition.

[@coconutwater4531]

Honestly, it’s your mom’s fault you’re not attractive to the opposite sex. It’s because of her genes and the man she chose to impregnate her. So the next time she lectures you, ask why she didn’t pick a more attractive father for you.

[@karynaellis1844]

@@coconutwater4531 omg thanks sooo much for your insight

[@coconutwater4531]

@@karynaellis1844 No problem

[@ChristinaLove844]

...just turned 38 a couple days ago. The work you do here, Steph, it is so needed. I appreciate you so, so much.

[@stewpeas4741]

I understand the passion that many women have for realising their dream of having a child but I'm a much more passive person in general so I'm not one to kick and scream against the prospect of nothing working out the way I thought. But again, I understand. My coping mechanism is I have to trust that everything is as it is supposed to be and I pray that I grow to comfortably trust God's will for me and be joyful in what I do have. These are my personal beliefs, not my recommendations to others (I have to disclaim just in case🙄)

[@sparklyunicorn5431]

Love this sis!! A very healthy attitude 👏

[@beewest5704]

You remind me of my friend who always says " Nothing that is meant for you will pass you by." She is the chillest person ever.

[@lerinewilson5979]

You're a breath of fresh air. Appreciate the content.

[@stewpeas4741]

💖 hearing you talk, as usual. It could literally be about anything

[@melodiedouglas1940]

Wow! I can't love this enough! Such necessary discourse and so well articulated. We need to be having these conversations more without the fear of the "manosphere" chastising us. That said I hope with my whole heart that you, Lolo and all women in this position end up being able to build a life they love no matter what society dictates.

[@dkt4377]

No one is chastising Lolo. She knew, or should have known, the timeframes she was working with. She spent her prime childbearing years chasing gold medals and focusing on her career, which is fine but she knew the trade off. She is a cautionary tale for young women. If you want to be a wife/mother and have a successful career, date strategically. Your fertility begins to diminish after age 28, by 35 pregnancy is generally considered high risk or geriatric. Use your time accordingly.

[@Lynn.B.]

Ladies, if you are in your thirties and concerned about fertility, please do your research on iodine and its role in the reproductive system overall (for example, the prevention of fibrocystic breasts and fibroids in the uterus; and breast and uterine cancer) and in the formation of a fetus. It's essential to your reproductive health, and most women in the West are deficient in it. My own personal experience suggests it may help prolong or extend your menstrual cycle. One place to start for information is the video "Everything You Want to Know About Iodine" on YT.

[@rwankyo3]

This is interesting. Thanks for the information

[@Lynn.B.]

@@rwankyo3 You're so welcome! And FYI: my personal experience is that my period returned after a 4-year hiatus within 1-2 months of me starting to take a liquid iodine supplement after learning that I was iodine deficient.

[@rwankyo3]

@@Lynn.B. where do you order it from

[@Lynn.B.]

@Simple_Life You can order iodine from any of the big box online stores. I'm currently using what's called a Lugol's solution, which is potassium iodide in distilled water, and which is considered more concentrated. However, when I learned about my deficiency, I started off with a liquid version that simply has the recommended daily allowance (RDA) of 150 mcg, and this alone triggered a lot of changes. According to Dr. Group, women, especially pregnant and lactating women, need significantly more than the typical RDA. He points out that the number one place iodine goes to is our ovaries, and that our breasts use and need a lot of iodine as well. According to the research he cites, the lack of iodine is associated with the development of cysts in various places in the body, including the reproductive system, and also breast cancer. So, it's a really important video to watch. The other thing I learned too late is that iodine also helps with maintaining healthy hair. Now that I know what I know, I've been wondering whether I could have stopped my hair from thinning by simply avoiding iodine deficiency.

[@Lynn.B.]

@@rwankyo3 I order a lot of my supplements from an online store that starts with the first four letters of the word "Vitamin" and ends with the four letters "cost." (YT disappeared the comment where I provided this information.) I've been using them for years. They offer really good discounts.

[@winxclubstellamusa]

Adoption is and always will be a fabulous option. Orphanages are always over-flowing. Saving a child and loving it is an undeniably beautiful and honorable thing to do.

[@tonyebriggs211]

Adoption is a beautiful way to start a family. But it is a calling, not a consolation prize. It's also not a guarantee. There are also failed adoptions. The goal of fostering is family reunification. Also, the thought that adoption is "saving" a child could be viewed as problematic.

[@winxclubstellamusa]

@@tonyebriggs211 orphanages are full of abuse and not enough love or safety. Adopting a human and loving it is 100% saving it.

[@welisanerich5376]

Adoption is not 4 every1

[@winxclubstellamusa]

@@welisanerich5376 and neither is having children in general! Most parents do nothing but traumatize the kids. Very few people are genuinely worthy of the humongous responsibility of caring for a child and preparing it for the world.

[@NoName-sp5dp]

@@winxclubstellamusa exactly. People are focused on them wanting a kid. What about the kid wanting emotional, financial and mental stability?

[@lefromthecity]

As someone that just turned 30…I’ve been letting myself finally think through what life could be for me without getting married or having a family. And realizing I don’t necessarily want a child, I want a family; so I wouldn’t just “do it alone”. It was tough but actually super freeing.

[@mthompson5383]

This is a real subject and I'm glad you opened the dialogue

[@Tyda777]

The fact that Lolo is biracial (aka a preference with pretty privilege) just gaz uped that Black manosphere that it MUST be her fault for her situation. But if it happened to her, it can happen to average women.

[@CrystalM1917]

I wonder if that played a part in her NOT finding a partner?...if she has always been preferred she likely had lots of options, and i guess that can feel like a norm...and then one day she woke up and realized like, hey...where did my options go? Not that her options were ever excellent, bc we know they likely weren't but still, I wonder how that experience may have effected her current reality..if there is a connection there.

[@NowIknow24345]

@@CrystalM1917 I sadly feel that she is a closeted lesbian hence why she has had trouble connecting emotionally with men. She comes from a very strong religious background and that may have caused her to bury her same sex feelings. I could be wrong but I think that's why she is in this situation.

[@Christycheri92479]

@@NowIknow24345 I agree with you I think she’s gay but suppressing it and it’s sad that her religion is robbing her of being happy.

[@NowIknow24345]

@@Christycheri92479 Yes, very sad. When she was on Big Brother celebrity edition it was so clear that she was DL. She would be so angry and getting into fight with some of the men in the house. She was acting the same way most DL black men act, bitter and angry towards the opposite sex. It's so sad.

[@TheSomethingnew1]

@@NowIknow24345 I am screaming because I’ve always thought the same. Especially in regards to her still being a virgin. I’m not saying virginity is impossible to hold on to but she seems like she hasn’t dated anyone that she finds attractive at all.

[@riat1015]

I’m 19 but I’ve already assumed this could be a possibility ! Not enough women speak about this I love hearing older women talk about life when it doesn’t follow the cookie cutter path it was supposed to! It opens us up to new paths which aren’t always necessarily bad!! Throughly enjoyed this video !

[@MeditativeMuse5860]

I always appreciate when you address silent concerns women struggle with. Thank you for sharing!

[@ambular0504ut]

I'm 40. I froze my eggs and I had the privilege to do so because I had the 13k that it takes but the experience was hard doing it alone. I wanted the chance at a family but came to the realization that it may not happen for me the way I wanted. I have a village but still...

[@CornellG]

I hope you find what you desire.

[@beewest5704]

Just a heads up to women thinking of freezing their eggs you should ideally do it before age 35 for better chance of a successful pregnancy.

[@tipp8076]

I agree with your point about someone being raised with certain standards, while trying to exist in a world that has different views. I never considered how conflicting that could be on the marriage level

[@neaevangelina1682]

Hey Lady! Thank You!!! This is a subject that needs more attention. Not so the roaches get on us but so we can change the narrative about single straight women who are childless (and man less) by circumstance, not by choice. Many of us don’t evecome from the Christian background, but as all society have been conditioned or raised with the idea that we all follow ONE path in life…. To marry and have kids is what’s expected. I’m 45 and look damn good, am independent and pretty damn happy with my life but always expect that I would meet the right guy…. I had the chance in my 20’s when I dated an older man who was honestly busted in the face. But he swept me off my feet…, and as a young girl who didn’t know squat about myself or life I went for it for all the wrong reasons! It took me 3 years in to realize this man wasn’t it. I was with him almost 10 years and at 30 became single. Since then I’ve discovered ME fully! And all this to say the biggest lesson was To NOT settle again. In all these years I’ve thought at 38 maybe it’ll happen now and I can still have a family. Well it hasn’t yet. I know I will never have children and I’m ok with that. Moral of my rant - some of our critics will say if she wasn’t so picky she’d have it all. But I’ve tried settling and TRUST me that is a worst feeling than being alone! Nea

[@Century-sb3ql]

I just wanna hug you and wrap my arms around you and protect you because as a black, christian-raised woman in modern day western society, i just really appreciate your presence and candour on this platform. thanks for creating this safe space!

[@jaclyncartwright5186]

I got married at 38 and 4 months away from 39. I struggled to get pregnant, had one miscarriage and had to decide if I was going to do IVF. The idea of me taking out money that I couldn't afford to pump HIGH doses of hormones inside of me along with the repeated tests and exams that I would have to do, to me wasn't worth it. I honestly don't know how women who have traditional jobs have the time availability to even do IVF. I don't share my struggles with many people but it's strange how so many people have made comments to me that I was selfish to not have children. I might scream the next time a stranger asks me if I still want kids. I am 43 years old. Leave me alone!!!

[@AnakinsMom]

Thank you for having these conversations and creating a safe space for women to gather

[@ksanaebeauty]

Girl not even thirty at 25 !!! Even at 24 I feel the pressure

[@MCC876]

I understand the feelings of wanting children. It seems to built in us. It doesn’t work out for all of us. It may help to think of it from the unborn child’s perspective. No child asks to be born. We force them here. Once born, the child will face a lot, possibly day care which they may not like, waking up early which they may not like, going to school with other kids they may not like, working at a job they may not like, paying bills, relationship pains, growing old, and knowing they have to face death which we all hope is not a painful process. All of this is prevented by not having a child.

[@sparklyunicorn5431]

Amen!

[@zol2415]

I love this discussion, even though I'm not in my thirties yet I do work in the birth world and this is a topic that comes up often. When I tell people that Black women struggle with fertility issues because of weathering, lack of resources, difficulty finding a partner etc. They just tell me that Black women are very very fertile and I don't know what I'm talking about. They're very dismissive and mean.

[@SCFLEUR]

Everyone has something to say regarding women, their relationships and their wombs especially men. I became pregnant at 42. Although the pregnancy did not come to term I am sometimes almost at peace with it because the next year we had covid and now we have a recession and everything seems so unstable and upside down and I know for myself I would have not wanted to struggle as a single mother because I did not have a village. My mom passed in 2018 and my women relatives (aunts) are in different states. So even as a grown woman of a certain age I feel like I did not have the support I would’ve needed to do it by myself. I say by myself because the would’ve been father and myself are not married although he was supportive it would not have been enough if that makes sense.

[@tessfromtheu.s256]

If you uploaded everyday I would watch I love how you tell stories! Do you script ?

[@OutlawedCreationss]

No girl she just be talking love her

[@productioninquiry8937]

I love that you talked about this, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, but tears are okay, tears are normal, tears are part of the process. It's okay to grieve the life you wanted while making the most of the life you have. And this isn't just social conditioning. Having you period for 420 consecutive months, and growing up in a two-parent household in that 2-story home, can create a deep seated desire to replicate that from which you came.

[@kerrygoring1009]

This video spoke to me. I would love to hear some real dialog from women who do find their 'Boaz.' Was marriage, kids and the two- story house really worth it? As a woman in my late 40s, 4 kids and 20 years partnered, I would say it has been bittersweet. I am not sure the grass is always greener.

[@lalittl]

I love this!! I am so grateful for the vulnerability of you and lolo. there’s officially no safe spaces for women anymore, so to be honest about your plight as a woman is so tough. But I’m grateful some are still willing to do it because we need this discourse so bad

[@catwhisperer1253]

I love your channel! You are so good with words! Well, you asked for it, so here goes...I am 52 years old, white, straight, never married, never had children, and Christian (My family didn't really practice Christianity, but we went to church occasionally. I am the one that sought out a church as an adult, became involved, and read the Bible cover to cover myself. Now I am an Egalitarian Christian which means I believe that men and women are fully equal in all areas of life. I have very high morals/standards. I joke that I could have been a nun if I were Catholic! Lol! So, yes, I am a virgin even at my age. No regrets though. I was never boy crazy. My pastor used to say that some people were called to celibacy.) Yes, I had always thought I would get married and have kids because that is the narrative that we are told in society and in the church. But, I saw my mom be abused in her marriage, get a divorce when I was 9, and not get custody of the kids because she had no college education, no job, and no money. This was in the 1970s. So, I decided that I would never get married until I had finished college. What I didn't know is that it would take me 12.5 years to finish college due to financial reasons. Then, I wanted to start my career and that was a bumpy ride too. Sure, I was looking around for a possible mate, but no one came along that was a good fit. Having kids was never a huge desire of mine. I have seen women crying who were having fertility problems and I have thought, "Wow...I have never wanted a kid that bad." I love kids. I am a teacher. I enjoy other people's children. I get my fill of kids at work. I have had a very interesting and non-traditional career in that I have taught in 3 different countries. I love traveling. Honestly, if I had to choose between a man and traveling, I would choose traveling. I have enjoyed my experiences so much. And, honestly, when I look back, I am glad that I remained single and childless because I wouldn't have had all the awesome adventures that I have had. And, I plan on traveling and having many more adventures! Plus, it allows you to experience a different side of life that married women don't experience, such as always having to depend on yourself for everything, including the bills, fixing the car, etc. I actually like being "non-stereotypical" and watching people's reactions. Many conservative Christian men don't know what to think of a single woman who does everything herself and travels the world. In their minds, a woman is usually at home, dependent, barefoot, and pregnant. I like to be different in that way and challenge people's thinking. I also like that no one else can take credit for my accomplishments. If I had traveled with my husband to different countries, people would have just seen me as the "tag-a-long." But, I always get told that I am brave, adventurous, amazing, etc. Unfortunately, I see the reverse with my sister. Even though she has a college degree, works full-time, and is a wife and mother, I see family, friends, and strangers often diminish what she does simply because she has a husband. They will say, "Well, she has (insert husband's name)." P.S. I also wanted to mention that a childhood friend of mine just had twins (a boy and a girl) at the age of 50! I don't know if she had a sperm donor, did IVF, or had them naturally. She is very fit and does triathlons. And, I noticed on Facebook that she has a new boyfriend. She is very happy to have them at 50 and everyone is healthy. Times have changed and families look very different today. So, to all the young ladies...I hope you have an amazing life...whether it turns out the way you planned or if God has a different plan for your life that He thinks is better. Be open to it, whatever happens. You don't have to have a traditional life to have an amazing life. You don't need to have a husband or kids to have an amazing life. There are pros and cons in all situations. Follow your heart. Take risks. Do the best you can.

[@auntiemaye2419]

I am a straight, Black, 53 year old virgin. I am a Christian by belief in Jesus Christ, the one and only son of the living God. I have no regrets about never marrying and having children. I now work with foster care children. It is interesting to say the least!

[@tarcisiasiniscalchi6641]

You are so articulate, so intelligent, so well-spoken. It’s truly a joy to listen to you. And the “manifest people” are clueless and dangerous. I am so happy I found you.

[@Exodusllfreedomministry]

When you said “I also know of Methuselah” I was hollering Lmfaooooo. No one is living to 900 years Lmfaooooo