Lonely? No Friends? 2 Year Update

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Update on my social life and what's been happening
For the algorithm - mensmentalhealth, self improvement, stoicism, spirituality, loneliness, lonely, friends

[@Will-nq1cn]

Crazy relatable man. Especially when everyone around you see to be settling down. Have to commit to getting out there and being social. Video games and alcohol are poison man. I say this because those are my go to activities to hide the loneliness. They don't change your situation. Chin up man. I'm going through the same shit and it seems like others here in the comments are as well. We'll keep doing our best 🤘

[@DCcivilian]

I get this. To be honest I don’t even know how to be a friend anymore. How do I move from “acquaintance” to “friend”? How often do friends call each other? Can you just drop in on a friend? How do you know if that is ok? How do you know if you are bombarding someone with your energy? It’s sad really. I just don’t know anymore.

[@projectfear22]

Are you ok bud? I feel you :(

[@CynfulTruth]

Thanks for sharing. As someone who moved out of US at 23 and built a teaching career in Hong Kong, even more lonely at 35. Wish there was a community where women who are single don’t feel so…left behind.

[@byronjarvis752]

Yo man, I feel you… I feel the same. We grew up around family and friends all the time, camping, camp fires having a few drinks, having braais (barbecues) every weekend then as you get older people move on, I don’t see family anymore. Friends move on and get wed. I also feel lonely man but just have to keep getting out there.

[@byronjarvis752]

If you ever land up in South Africa let me know we can hook up for a beer or two.

[@JayWallace]

Thanks bro, I've actually got a cousin out there right now, looks like an incredible country

[@byronjarvis752]

@@JayWallace it’s awesome 🙏🙏 the weather is great and the property is value for money compared to the uk, Just the crime is out of control but other than that it’s pretty chilled.

[@Slavic_Queen]

Keep us updated. And do the traveling. Open up a blank, new page in your life and become the person you always wanted to be. I wish you peace.

[@jordoncoury7871]

Hearing you and how loneliness affects you, i can’t help but relate because that’s the exact feeling. With lack of connection it’s easy to lose motivation to go out or do anything out of the norm, even following certain dreams or passions. Over the last year I’ve lost most passion doing things I’ve loved doing my whole life and I’m scared because i don’t know how long i can truly endure, but knowing I’m not alone, makes a difference. Thank you for your courage.

[@kieranwhite4856]

I'm the exact same with the supplements and blood tests thing. It's almost like I'm looking for a reason to why I'm not great socially, when in reality, exposure and getting out my comfort zone is what's needed 👍🏼 Keep posting

[@JayWallace]

You hit the nail on the head. I actually wanted to be told I had something wrong with me so then I could work on fixing it but I need to accept the reality that I need to work on my biggest fear and stop distracting myself. Good luck on your journey

[@AnnaSzabo]

@@JayWallaceThere’s nothing wrong with you. I feel exactly as you do at 41 years old, and it’s getting worse and worse, and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t feel this way. So we are just like everybody else - aka normal. This is not to minimize how horrible it is that we are so lonely 😭 It’s only to validate your humanity.

[@JayWallace]

@@AnnaSzabo Thank you, I appreciate the kind words. I find it amazing how many people are starving for connection

[@adamcotton9657]

Respect for sharing brother

[@JayWallace]

Thanks

[@TransmissionEpicts]

Thanks for posting this and your last video! Thanks for sharing and I hope some new adventures crop up in the future for you. It almost seems taboo to say you're/we're lonely these days, so many FB groups desperately make it out to be 100% amazeballs, which I always think is odd. Loneliness isn't some blanket emotion for secluded saddos (which society I think errs on assuming), it's often something that comes and goes, even to busy/popular people at times. It's also not something people can solve just be mastering hobbies or becoming more outgoing or embracing being alone (which is a particularly weird type of toxic positivity as it's trying to force yourself to appreciate being alone), that's not how it works. It's a dynamic situation and series of emotions, different to each person. Like, you can be happy doing you're own thing for ages and then feel lonely if you've made a great meal but there's no one else to appreciate it or make it for. It can be a fleeting emotion or be something felt all the time.

[@monicaleond]

I just watched you first video about loneliness because I am dealing with the same in my 30's and I'm glad I found your channel. It, somehow, makes me feel not so alone in this journey. I wished we could be friends. Thank you for sharing.

[@JayWallace]

Glad the video helped in some way and welcome to the channel. Keep an eye on the channel as I'm looking to start a community soon where you can connect with like-minded people.

[@carlbland68]

people r overrated a where i live there just druggies not interested in anything else so only bother with family who dont do dirty drugs @@JayWallace

[@rogerjohnson898]

@@JayWallace is the community platform ready yet? Looking forward.... to meet liked minded folks!

[@kushsareen6752]

@@JayWallace I would love to be part of this community too, keep us posted!

[@Gladiator_Mindset]

I’m in the same boat. I’m 33 years old and I feel so lonely! Like I can’t connect with people

[@JayWallace]

Keep an eye on the channel, I'm hoping to be a lot more active in the coming months and looking at building a community where like-minded people can connect.

[@alf_lim]

I've got social anxiety and I tend to get lonely and depressed. It has been years and now, I'm trying to better myself by finally going out. I recently joined photography groups and started doing BJJ (still anxious whenever I go). Wanting to quit but forcing myself not to. Thanks for sharing your journey and your thoughts .

[@JayWallace]

That's awesome, well done for making those changes. One thing I would suggest as I said in the video is CBT. Sometimes forcing yourself isn't the answer as you end up reinforcing the fear. CBT helps you to rationalise the fear and realise it's not really anything to be scared on. There's tonnes of resources out there and would recommend doing it with a therapist if you have the resources.

[@tomlyon3273]

​@@JayWallacehey what is CBT?

[@rogerjohnson898]

WHY CAN'T WE, SELF ADMITTING LONELY OR LONELIEST HUMANS COME TOGETHER, MEET UP, CATCH UP, TALK, LAUGH & CRY TOGETHER WHETHER IN PERSON OR ONLINE? WHAT'S STOPPING US??? GOOD CLIP JAY!!!

[@Mada_94_]

Truly inspiring! I wish I could leave my country too since it makes me so depressed but I'm too scared to do anything about it. Kudos to you for being so brave! 👏

[@JayWallace]

Thanks appreciate it and as cheesy as it sounds, you can do anything you set your mind to. I'm terrified of going but I trust that I'll be able to figure it out along the way and it will definitely build self-confidence.

[@martinakoscevic8552]

I moved to another country and nothing has changed.I don't know what to do

[@JayWallace]

@@martinakoscevic8552 There's a saying that goes - "wherever you go, there you are" - means that it doesn't matter where we go, our problems will follow us. I'm assuming the change you're looking is in your social life so I would recommend getting yourself out there, joining groups in your area and getting to know the community.

[@kwood1493]

I can relate to what you are saying! I am about your age. since 2018 I have tried alot of different things to improve my life and make myself feel better. I’ve tried all the fitness stuff, the eating healthy, the super foods/vits, I went to collage to learn painting, drawing and Spanish. I’ve done volunteering as a mentor, I travelled, learned to scuba, faced my fear of heights by sky diving, bought and renovated my house and started business, gave up smoking and drinking among many other things, but I am still lonely and more recluse than ever! I wouldn’t say all those things haven’t worked, but I am yet to achieve the goal of not being alone. I know I will achieve it one day and due to all the work I have put in I will be my best self when I do. I still have to make more effort like you are but I also have to be patient. I wish you luck and I hope you find what it is that you need👊🏻

[@TheVoidOfWhatever]

I'd love it if you did updates on how the trip affects you. Not just when you come back, but during the trip. It would be really cool to see the ups, the downs and the middles. As someone who is thinking about moving for the longest time, I feel like it would be invaluable. Thanks for still sharing and I wish you the best of trips!

[@dancooper4443]

It's time to go on an adventure. Get out of your comfort zone and integrate elements of what you repressed into your shadow back into your ego. I am of similar age (32) and also dread growing up and growing old. The social contacts disappear, there's less impromptu meetings and it's a lot harder to make new friends. Such is the journey of life. One must tackle it head on to fly and not regress back into the nest. I don't know if your GF is coming with you but GL on this new endeavour!

[@gijsbon8065]

yes!!

[@JayWallace]

Thanks and you're right, it's so easy to retreat to the comfort of the nest but growth lies on the opposite side of discomfort. She's not and that's a long story which I might do a video on in the future.

[@Pinaka1991]

Don’t judge yourself so hard man, you are not alone in this struggle. Definitely can relate to you, keep trying out stuff

[@rupey4582]

I find that a sense of purpose or having long term goals that inspire and push me is as important than how much time I'm spending with people. I think the best thing for someone struggling with loneliness is strive to create a path in life and develop a strong sense of identity in addition to having a regular social group. For example, I have recently dedicated myself to really trying to get as good at running as possible, doing 6 days a week with lots of very hard workouts with planned races coming up. I have made a huge amount of progress and the difficulty of what I am doing has made me far more confident and feel a much stronger sense of identity. I also feel like I am capable and the world is full opportunity rather than being a nihilistic place. I would recommend committing to do some hard physical things and then see how you feel about life.

[@jsohjonen6791]

Thank you for posting an update. Its almost bitter sweet to see its not only my feeling of being ill, its whole a lot of us.

[@personalaccount9355]

Hi Jay, such an honest video, really appreciate your courage in putting it out there! it would be great to reach out to you other than via the comments section to share experiences and build a community. Please make that happen if possible!

[@JayWallace]

Keep an eye on the channel, I'm looking to build that community soon!

[@RR-yj9yy]

Thanks so much for sharing. Really resonate with the issue of wanting to isolate more because of social anxiety and that vicious circle. Hearing you share your story has been really helpful for me, and I really wish the best for you, and hope this situation is just for now for us.

[@LoganTommy]

I love your videos, it’s comforting to know there’s people out there who feel the way I do 🩵

[@vienymember1000]

Travelling is great man, hope you have a good time. I really enjoy your videos, someone similar age going through similar thing.

[@mrnintendowii]

I'm rooting for you. I also suffer immensely with social anxiety and I admire your honesty in these videos. It's not just the camera mate, you're stronger than you think. Best of luck in Canada and congrats on finishing your project. I'll be tuning in, would love to see some Canada content!

[@anaisaerksen]

Thank you so much for your videos! I love the simplicity and rawness of them and can relate to pretty much everything you say on the emotional level. Wish you all the best for Canada! I've spent a year there plus several shorter trips and would love to live there permanently, but unfortunately didn't get permanent residency. Nowhere else did I feel so welcome and understood, even though the year I spent there was one of the most difficult and dark in my life mentally speaking. So I hope you find some great connections as well and experience less loneliness

[@juliendeschenes7617]

I haven't watched all your videos but every time I do, it's a hit. It takes a lot guts to open up and to show yourself in all your vulnerability especially as a man. I'm 34 (M) and about to change career. I did a 4 months roadtrip in Australia and New Zealand with my gf in 2022. I would never have dreamt to do that and I was scared af before going. I literally have zero regret about doing it even though I was poor when I got back, even though it was sometimes hell. But an adventure is seldom just happy-go-lucky... I got a job after that but got fired for some shady reasons. I'm at a loss about my professional life. I have a great social circle but a piece of the puzzle is missing. I think one's life is more often than not incomplete and when it feels complete, it's only temporary. It's sad but we have to accept that dark side of things. Take it slow man. Even if it's hard, take it slow and go on one step at a time. Also where are you planning to stop by in Canada? Any chance you go to Montreal??

[@JayWallace]

Thanks I appreciate the support. Your trip sounds amazing and Australia was a close second for options to travel to, will definitely check it out some day. Don't put too much pressure on yourself around the career. At the end of the day it's a means to an end, we do it for the money and once you have the basics covered, everything is just a nice to have. I work in sales and have met literally thousands of people over the years from all walks of life - money was never the thing that separated the happy from the miserable. I don't know where I'm going to be honest. Seems like my best option is to start West so BC and make my way East. That way I should be chasing spring most of the way. I may very well end up in Montreal at some point

[@toniamark]

This is, once again, very relatable. Currently feeling stuck, living habitually day after day. I've had enough of it and will change what I can. Job firstly and then my lack of social life, hopefully. I feel too hesitant to move alone (it certainly feels harde with each passing year), but we will see... Thank you for sharing your experience so openly with us :)

[@judygoddard3869]

You seem a decent, likeable guy. If you’re struggling for friends it’s probably bad luck rather than anything being wrong with you. Luck plays a big part in friendships - finding the right people isn’t easy. I’ve only had one or two genuine, good friends in my whole life. And that’s true of most people. The vast majority of so-called ‘friends’ are really just acquaintances, and a hell of a lot are actually ‘frenemies’.

[@JayWallace]

Thanks for the kind words. I think you might be right in some way but wouldn't call it luck, I just simply haven't put myself out there enough to make friends. Making a lot more effort these days and it's paying off slowly.

[@projectfear22]

I don't think it's luck alone. People usually have established friendships and they don't give enough balance and priority to new people. They're not thinking that they'll find another bestie. So yeah..

[@katrinh.29]

I’m so glad hearing someone talking about this topic like this. I feel so bad hearing all those podcasts and stuff that keep telling everyone how beautiful it has to be being single and that it’s so cool to feel great being single. It’s been a big fight for me and I realised it feels so much better to listen to people who talk about it as in the difficult and terrifying way it just is. It helps me connecting with those feelings… it is isolating and terrifying to not get what you wish for especially in a certain part of your life. Thank you for sharing❤

[@jenbradley2807]

Thank you for making this video. I found it very helpful! I wish you the best of luck for the future. Remember you got this! 🤗

[@JayWallace]

Thanks I appreciate the support :)

[@roadrunner425]

Thanks for your honesty, found what you were saying very helpful!

[@aymericsauzet5077]

I've never seen such a truthfull statement on youtube. This feel genuine to a level I had never experienced before, and at the same time it is one of the most helpful video out there. Your experience really bring something else. Thanks a lot for this testimony.

[@Scar-jg4bn]

Honestly this video is an inspiration for me. My life has been very isolated since 2020 when covid hit and I stayed away from everyone but my coworkers (I'm a nurse) to keep my friends and family safe. In the middle of 2022 I had some surprise scary health issues that kept me out if work, stuck at home and practically bedbound for 9 months. After that I started a new job last summer which was awful and the last day I worked a few weeks ago a close coworker of mine died on her drive home and I was the last person to talk to her and see her alive. Needless to say, it's been a rough 4 years for me, so I'm taking time off to reset my life. Things don't always work out the way we plan, but it's important we keep moving forward and trying. I hope you have a fun trip to Canada! 😊

[@TomassoMd]

First of all, thank you for posting these videos. They really resonate with me in a lot of ways. You are very true and knowledgeable person, and I admire it. As for the dream of travel and having second thoughts now - I will just say this: do it. Scare is natural reaction to leaving your comfort zone. I’ve been in a similar spot many, many times. The easiest to make this kind of step is for people that already travel a lot, they just keep the momentum going, and your case with India when you've came back with lots of energy is a very good example. But when you’ve been delaying the decision for quite some time (whatever the reason), the urge just disappears, vanishes, doubt creeps in and you stop trusting your own beliefs, dreams and wants. It is incredibly difficult to break out from this enclosure, but it is so worth it, to follow your dreams. What I do is usually making the first step - booking a flight, or bus ticket, or an apartment. My approach might not necessarily work for you, but in my case it the first step that cements my decision Really happy about your decision to move to Canada. You really can’t underestimate the power of starting with a clean slate. It can be liberating in so many ways. And the Canadian nature! Wishing you all the best and looking forward to future updates!

[@tomlyon3273]

I used alcohol and drugs to cover up feeling useless lonely and uncomfortable. I still feel those things but at least iv stopped drinking. Now its time to really work more on myself. Just turned 39, life isnt a joke anymore.

[@Martiin_.]

Good luck with the trip, you're brave! If you can please keep us updated how things are going for you, must be exciting.

[@nonalternative8820]

I’ve always found your videos relatable and inspiring. I’m currently going through something similar to yourself in regard to loneliness and anxiety so I can relate to a lot of what you say. You seem determined to make 2024 a year for change and i say well done! 👏 Looking forward to your future videos and best of luck in Canada!

[@JayWallace]

Thanks for the comment and the support. I'm definitely going to give it a good go!

[@assiakessai]

I'm planning to move to alberta too , and I'm soo excited to begin my life again there , I just want to thank you for giving voice to my feelings for my solitude and loneliness , I wish someday find someone who love me and heal me from my solitude

[@sylwester9761]

Thank you for putting your thoughts out there friend. I hope youll fill the gap in your life. All the best. Much love from Poland.

[@JayWallace]

Thanks for the support, really appreciate it

[@1PeteAFC]

Also i grew up in a pub. Very relatable to you bud.

[@Jacobson02]

Can hardcore relate, always finding a way to procrastinate on putting myself out there and instead focussing on 'improving myself'. My anxiety is well managed but I still hold myself back and fear the judgement of others. I've heard social experiments where we deliberately expose ourselves to the 'judgement' of others can help. Eg. lying down in public. I'd buy you a beer but I'm in Australia! Best of luck mate.

[@hayden_mac]

I'm in a pretty similar spot - My close friends slowly all moved away and I lost touch with them over the years, and so I tied myself to my partner's friend group. We broke up and I realised I really had nobody, and making new friends feels impossible. I've decided to travel - a few months in europe and then spending a year or two working in the UK. Absolutely shitting myself because I'm afraid of the unknown; but the alternative of not doing anything, and continuing to be lonely just going through the motions seems so much worse! All the best mate, appreciate you being open and vulnerable.

[@TheNomadBuilder]

Where are you from originally Hayden?

[@Jansen97]

Thats such an admirable step to go abroad. I wish i had the courage etc to do so as ive been alone without friends for 8 years or so. Its gut wrenching. But seeing your videos kinda just comforts me.

[@JayWallace]

Honestly, you'll never feel ready to go but it's worth it. I've done 2 big trips in my life - Thailand and India and they were both life-changing for me. It's so much easier to meet people on the road as well as you're all in the same boat. Glad the videos help

[@colinbooth1265]

Hi Jay, been following your channel for a while. It seems to me like you've got your head screwed on and have a lot of emotional intelligence. However, remember that happiness is manifested from within, not necessarily being around other people. People can be deceptive, selfish and not have the best intentions for your wellbeing. They will use you for what they can gain, it's a reality we have to accept. Being alone and quiet in this world without the 'noise' can also be a wonderful blessing. You have the headspace to make your life the way you want it, answering to no one. This allows you to get to know yourself, take measures to explore challenges outside of your comfort zone and build resilience. I am just speaking from experience, and everyone is an individual, we are all different. Follow a daily routine with good habits and you will see things get better. I say go travelling and follow your heart. I did it when I younger and so glad I did. I am rooting for you, and wish you well.

[@astriddieguez2703]

It’s so hard for me to have that level of vulnerability that is required for deep connections with people. I put up walls so no one can get in. But it also means I can’t get out

[@maryyou556]

I feel u ..I just hate to admit that loneliness and I can't accept it so I try to engage in other activities by myself .pls never stop sharing u're making us feel better abt ourselves

[@1PeteAFC]

If there's a community building here I'd be interested in it. Felt lonely for years and though i can't meet like minded people. Adult life is tough.

[@asdffdsa6319]

I felt like I couldn't connect to people all my life. People don't really talk to me, they just keep playing their games and push their agenda. I really feel lonely even when surrounded by people.

[@JayWallace]

It is really hard and the more we isolate, the more it seems that people are different from us. I would really recommend finding some groups in your area. I found one and went this evening and feel so much better after going.

[@asdffdsa6319]

@@JayWallace Yeah, thanks. However, I find people dull. I'll stay alone I guess.

[@MikeSmith-rd9fi]

Best of luck. Also in the same boat. Keep the videos coming please.

[@JayWallace]

Good to know they're helping in some way and good luck in making your own changes

[@tjwithanak7517]

I’ve thought about taking the leap to travel as well. I’m turning 30 this year and would love to expand my cultural horizon. Likely I won’t have remote income, and the longer I wait to achieve this comfy income level, the more likely it is I’ll never leave where I am. It’s scary but so is the idea of living another 10 years wondering “what if”

[@JayWallace]

This is the boat I was in. I thought it would be a good idea to renovate a property and rent it out so I had an income, thought it would only take a year and it took 4. Don't wait. There's loads of countries that offer working holiday visas like Canada and Australia where you can stay for a year (and sometimes more) to work and travel around. Working in sales, I've met thousands of people in my life and not a single one I ever met regretted traveling.

[@RShanKris]

How odd. I have been feeling that way too. Canada or Australia or Japan. But yes I agree with the fear being a good sign of you wanting to do it!

[@legenddom]

best of luck for 2024 Jay!

[@FearGod333_]

God bless you ! I see you’re an honest person and you’re very transparent. I would like to just tell you something that you probably never really took seriously but it’s God calling you to him, it’s God who has allowed all that loneliness in your life so that you can get to know him. We tend to close the doors of our hearts to God and ignore him our whole lives but he is the one that can fill us with true joy and peace and he is the one that would bring good friends and people around you. Give God a chance in your life and he will transform everything. God bless you and keep you ! 😊😊😊 You do t need to go to a church or anything like that, just open your heart to him.

[@user-uh7wi7op1x]

Listen to david goggins and workout every day, no excuses, it will harden your mind and make you feel unstoppable

[@JayWallace]

I did, he's very intense, like Tony Robbins, need to be in the right mood to listen to them! Hear what you're saying about discipline though, especially at the gym.

[@Daddy2025HQ]

Same 1 year being lonely after braking up.sometimes I won’t even leave my house or answering peoples phone calls or my own families idk what’s wrong with me 😂

[@anaisaerksen]

Regarding suggestions: I liked all the provinces I've travelled and lived, but felt most at home in Nova Scotia :)

[@noztk]

I don't have any friends since early 2020 and vivid made me realize how lonely I was my entire life. Every year I get more and more anxious. It's so bad that I don't feel well outside around others and gained quite of alot of weight. I try to lose it but I simply lack any motivation..im kinda stuck 😮

[@Jansen97]

Me too. I haven't had friends for about 7-8 years and have put on an incredible amount of weight.

[@JayWallace]

Social anxiety is a viscous cycle. We fear meeting new people and so we avoid it, which it makes it more scary, which makes us want to avoid it more. I've put on weight too because I've been trying to replace that friendship with food or other activities - it will never fill the hole. I would recommend working with a therapist if you have access to one - CBT is really effective for social anxiety and helps change false beliefs about social situations. There's tonnes of information online and some great free resources. It's going to suck, but the only way to beat the cycle is to get out there and start meeting new people. It's hard short-term but will be life-changing in the long-run.

[@jacob11269]

Thanks for the update Jay. The move to Canada is an awesome plan, I hope it goes well for you. Similarly to you, I've spent the last couple of years working on myself but I feel like it's been a big loop, that left me feeling just the same as when I started. I tell myself that it's not a loop but an upwards spiral, and the work that I've done allowed me to learn about myself, and clarify what I should be working on going forward. Hopefully that is indeed the case :) I'm wondering whether you've tried mushrooms or any other psychedelics? I've heard a lot about how they can help to get a new perspective, find a feeling of connectedness. I want to try them myself when I get an opportunity, and am curious about the experiences of other people. By the way, I got an A licence in November last year, and am about to get my first bike. It's something that I've always wanted to do, so I'm excited. Your video from a few months ago got me inspired, thanks for that

[@JayWallace]

You're definitely never going to lose by working on yourself in any area. The more you know about yourself that easier it is to make decisions that are going to bring genuine fulfillment in life. Have to be very careful talking about that kind of thing as KZbin has some very strict policies but short answer is no, I haven't. Well done for passing the test! It's in your blood now and you're part of a brotherhood that will with you wherever you go. Find some local motorcycle meetups and get involved in the community.

[@jacob11269]

thanks fir the response. Best of luck man @@JayWallace 👍

[@quasimodoshunchback]

loveeee this and you

[@JayWallace]

Thanks, glad you're enjoying the content!

[@viral262]

Have you heard of workaway? I would do that in Canada if I were you (at least for the start); always found them to be such cool and crazy experiences (where you definitely won't be lonely!). Thanks for your honesty.

[@JayWallace]

Thanks for the suggestion, I looked into and there's tonnes of exciting opportunities on there!

[@TheRitva26]

Who needs therapy when this channel exists

[@JayWallace]

Haha I appreciate it!

[@skatertrader]

Hey Jay have you considered leading a group of like minded people? I'm sure others could benefit from meeting once a week over zoom to share similar stories. Maybe this could turn into a huge thing and more people would want to join and connect together.

[@ThugPL]

Hi. I don't know if this trip to Canada is a good idea. Maybe it's an escape from your problems and yourself? After some time, it may turn out that it will be like your house renovation project, that it is just an excuse. I had a similar experience with my new job, I trained, I earn well, but it didn't solve my problem. I once considered immigrating to another country, but I think it wouldn't change anything if I didn't change as a person. Recently, during my week-long lonely holiday in the mountains, I discovered that I am constantly looking for something and it makes no sense, I am constantly thinking, contemplating and instead of changing, trying to do something, overcoming my weaknesses, I deceive myself that some enlightenment will come.

[@au10666]

You're very self aware, which is great but I think you might be overthinking, over analysing every thought, decision which will impact the social side of things to some degree. Normally the people that are care-free, i.e. they live in the moment, are the ones that are social buterflys. The individuals that are deep thinkers, i.e. on the above average IQ side seem to find it more of an effort to socialise. Anyway, I can't recall but do you have a family, if so does that not help with your situation, for example if you have children, it's a good way to meet other parents, etc. Take care buddy!

[@mattstokie1]

Love your raw honesty. I have some questions, where did you find this mens group? And also I'm curious to know if any older/current friends and family have ever reached out since you started posting these videos and whether those relationships have improved? etc

[@JayWallace]

Thanks, appreciate the feedback. It's a group called Andy's Man Club, haven't been before so I have no idea what it's going to be like! Haven't had anyone reach out no, most of them probably don't know I have a channel

[@mattstokie1]

@@JayWallace Would love to hear how it went and what the experience was like if you want to share

[@JayWallace]

@@mattstokie1 It was actually a really awesome experience. I was nervous as hell at first but you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. Was really helpful to know that so many guys (who I would never have thought were having issues) are really suffering with their mental health. Would really recommend it and I might do a video review on the group at some point in the future. There's loads all over the UK if that's where you are and they're free to attend. The hardest thing is walking through the door, the rest is easy.

[@mattstokie1]

@@JayWallace Really pleased it went so well for you

[@gijsbon8065]

Bro I have the exact same thoughts and feelings.. also been down the rabbit hole with self development.. its like, not even fun really. Have you never thought about just going to south america or somthing, take your passport and go? lol. its on my mind.

[@JayWallace]

Yeah self development is a double-edged sword - can do incredible things for you but also make you feel inadequate when you're seeing all these awesome people doing amazing things with their lives. South America is on my bucket list and will definitely be checking it out, I might even consider a motorcycle trip from Canada, down through the states then into Mexico and onwards but I'm just going to get to Canada first and see what happens. In my opinion, you can't go wrong traveling.

[@szymonkrawiec320]

Hey Jay and viewers. A few things, because I was in a place where you are now and I think I got kinda cured. I worked abroad in 4 different countries. I travel in many places but I am thinking to return to my homeland... why? Let me explain from beginning. You have noticed that being around people makes you happy. Indeed it's true - based on study from Harvard. You can find it its from Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? I don't want to focus on topic that being around people makes us all happy - it's a fact - the happiest moment in my life I see in past is when I am surrounded with people. According to Harvard study they also are happiest around other people. So, what I am thinking now is - why most of us are happy when we were kids? When we were teenager's? Well, in that part of our lives, we don't have money, but we have a lot of time, we are happy with each other company, the smallest things are makes us joy. Same is when we are growing up. We do not need to worry about anything, it's just homework, school. Everyone you meet can be your temporary or life-time friend. New friends are coming to your life every couple of days. The problem is - when we are adults, we are entering to "real life". Real life with problems, with debts, with money, with home, with friends, with wife, with work. Even when we think we resolved the problem the new are coming ahead. I think this is the reason, why we are changing, why we don't enjoy the simplest moments. When you are alone, you can always call / write to your childhood friend you have no spoken for years but I guarantee you, you and him are now completely different people. What we can do about it? Nothing. As David Goggins said - life in 90% will ... We just need to find a purpose in our life, maybe some commitment, find people who make you feel good and pass through this live as best as you can.

[@JayWallace]

Thanks for the comment, very insightful and I'll check out that study. I think the simple fact is that humans haven't actually evolved much over the past few hundred years and we are designed to be social, it's how we survived. The world we live in has changed faster than we can keep up and it's designed to keep us isolated or at least in much smaller communities than we were evolved for. You can't go against basic evolution and we're trying to outsmart mother-nature

[@szymonkrawiec320]

@@JayWallace As you mentioned "humans haven't actually evolved much over the past few hundred years" I would say more - thousands of years. We are the same, have the same problems with money, with house, with transport, with family, with health, with job, with love, with kids. We perceive the same feelings as our ancestors, happiness, smile, sadness, pain, joy. We try to impress other people to have validation from them then we feel valued. How do I know that? I read Marcus Aurelius Meditations... 3x times. It had a huge impact on me and it changed my perception of the world. What impresses me most about this is that we have an emperor who had everything, money, power, and yet it turns out that his thoughts are reflected in our everyday lives today! The fact that he didn't have to get up in the morning for the rest of his life, but he still did it. These thoughts of his were never supposed to see the light of day, but in my opinion they turn out to be one of the best philosophies and ways of life. As for what I mentioned earlier - Harvard's research about happiness around other people, try watching it, I also highly recommend it: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bnzOfKiKeKupsKssi=pPobcwElmmTK0Xcq

[@user-vm9jv4lq2t]

I’m in the same situation as you

[@andyboy2k]

How do you find a life coach? I am in a similar situation moved to a more isolating job and have been struggling with it.

[@JayWallace]

There are tonnes of life coaches out there. Just be careful as it's not a regulated industry and anyway can call themselves a life coach. That said, everyone has life experience to share and it only takes one piece of advice to turn things around. There's a website called coachmefree where you can sign up for up to 3 free coaching sessions. Maybe start there :)

[@DanteRodrigo555]

Come to Brasil, I'll make happy

[@marekp7356]

❤

[@politicsinitsplace3244]

Welcome to Canada! What city are you coming to if not too personal? I'm in Ottawa!

[@JayWallace]

From the little research I've done, think I'm going to start in BC as the weather should be more mild in March then work my way across the country. Other than that, I don't really have any set plans. It's going to be an adventure!

[@kayligo]

Are you from the UK? I’d suggest meetup to make friends but I don’t know if they have that there…

[@user-jz6to8md3c]

Im alone 24/7 no friends no family no girlfriend .

[@pscanva1288]

I think if there are different online communities for lonely people where they can interact each other, that will be easier for them (including me) to quickly improve social difficulties. Online communities can be transformed to real life communities after a while. So why not get together then

[@JayWallace]

Yeah this is what I'm thinking. The one thing that we all share is a fear of social situations for whatever reason and being part of a community where everyone is in the same boat makes it a lot easier to work on it.

[@ryanrossuk]

Hey Jay, where in the UK are you based?

[@captaindebabeche4892]

Now I am 35 years old and I have not been married and have not achieved anything significant. In the last 5 years I have tried a lot to get married but have not succeeded. However, I think you are in a sad situation more than me. Marriage is not just sex and there should not be much in common. Because it can be built with time and understanding. Marriage contains a kind of happiness and familiarity that you cannot find with a male friend. Also, children are a wonderful thing in this life. All of these things push a person to love life more. This is human nature. A person needs a certain amount of happiness every day or so.I am not in your situation and I may not be able to console you, but I clearly see a strong sadness in your eyes. Staying single is difficult. But I can advise you on some things, for example, why don't you try to learn about Islam, you may find what you are really looking for, Something might change

[@JayWallace]

Appreciate your input and thanks for rthe advice. You can take a look at my last video as I spoke about this topic at length

[@DanteRodrigo555]

Man, I have nothing to say, but you are very young and so very much handsome. So, try to enjoy that. Find someone to love brow! Forgive me if I am not so delicated.

[@endyy6671]

Any resolutions for 2024 Jay??

[@JayWallace]

I try not to make them as they're so easy to break! Generally speaking though, I want to feel more fulfilled in my social life and connected to the people in my community.

[@adriancremers5244]

@@JayWallace sounds like a good resolution to me. Now cheers and good luck in not braking it ;) You are speaking of having a hard time connecting to people. One thing I found helpful is involve myself in social/ non-profit work. Awesome way to learn how to really connect to people and helping someone aswell. (My mom always said: help to selfhelp isn't only about helping others... ;) ) Good luck!

[@JayWallace]

@@adriancremers5244 Thanks for the advice and volunteering is on my to-do list, has been for a long time.

[@adriancremers5244]

@@JayWallace start small and look for something you are passionate about! How was your meeting tonight?

[@markuchiha7737]

Hello brother.

[@CoderBoyRobin]

Bro i suggest you to read *bhagwad geeta book*

[@markuchiha7737]

You stopped going to gym you shouldn't. Loneliness will really haunt you if you're not productive.

[@JayWallace]

It's funny, I've started going again recently and can't believe how much better it makes you feel!

[@EdyYT66]

better alone then having "friends"

[@evelyna_paula1747]

Learn game. I enjoy the circus guys play up with their pickup lines that make me laugh but cringe away from them.

[@stuarthill9905]

Have you ever looked into Buddhism?🙏👀

[@JayWallace]

I haven't no, I'm sure there's a lot in there I would agree with

[@stuarthill9905]

@@JayWallace You wont get anything from it, which is important in regard to mental state.🧔

[@thedoghouse8900]

U wanna go to canada??? U must love being lonely then. Good luck

[@tim_despair]

Just move to Russia and friends will find you

[@cryohellinc]

First of all - you are doing great. All you need is a woman. I've lived in UK for more than 10 years. Those were some of my most depressing years in my life. Dating pool is tiny, and low quality. Try to search for girls outside of UK, you are a handsome guy. When you find one and connect with her travel to her instead of just blindly going somewhere. Go to Eastern Europe, Baltic countries or Poland. Lots of wonderful women out there. Lots of Ukrainian girls as well that would fight for you. Don't go for gold diggers or spoiled entitled brats. Find a genuine woman that will be there with you regardless of your finances or looks. Be yourself and find a person you are comfortable with. Good luck to you

[@JayWallace]

Thanks for the suggestion, I actually do have a girlfriend and that's something I'm going to talk about in a future video. I recorded it a few months ago just haven't finished editing it yet.

[@hopekilo8071]

hi jay great video! good lukck with your adventure. do you have social media?