Lysa Terkeurst Shares Her BEST Advice for Recovering from Betrayal

[@Zee-zj2uh]

God is so good at healing our wounds. Lisa is very brave in speaking out and sharing the heartbreak of deception. She didn't let a root of bitterness take over her thinking and turn her story into Art's. She chose to forgive and move on. May her marriage to Captain Chaz bring joy along with praise to God!❤ He is a faithful Father of His bride!

[@rebeccadowden7711]

It's so hard to be betrayed by people u love and then have them tell everyone they know that u betrayed them😢. It's so painful

[@KathyLolas]

I've never witnessed someone articulate this elephant in the room so brilliantly. Thank you both.

[@CareyNieuwhof]

Hope it was helpful

[@gmat8202]

I've had a double whammy - betrayed multiple times over 25 years by church leadership as a pastor's wife, and then my pastor husband divorced me 10 years ago. I don't trust churches now as I've even been hurt and betrayed during my 10 years when I was trying to rebuild my life so I dont want to commit to a new church. I appreciate your wisdom and will listen to this multiple times to try to allow God to work this out in my heart and spirit. I'm sorry for all you've been through. I've listened to your story many times and it broke my heart. Praise God for how He has healed you.

[@carolinejames5495]

Huggs❤

[@mariajantz3502]

I'm praying for you and for me and asking God to relocate us someplace where we can put our whole ❤ into it for our destiny in The Kingdom of God

[@jeanettehigginbotham]

I pray you can replug into a new church that feels safe. ❤

[@theynot4u]

Please remember that churches are just a group of imperfect people trying to serve a perfect God. It's the people who hurt you, not the Lord. I pray you're able to find the right church to help facilitate your healing and growth.

[@LoneStarLady-]

Such a good description of all the levels/areas of betrayal. Infidelity completely blew up so many areas of our life and did so much damage to the family.

[@CareyNieuwhof]

I'm so sorry to hear that

[@gab1402]

😢 I am so sorry for the additional betrayal from those that really should know better. Unbelievable. Very painful! Good for you, you are still ministering to our hearts. I needed that today. Been there, still healing. Thank you 🙏

[@thawso]

“ what you don’t trust, you will try to control “ another great episodes

[@rennell714]

Or how about just walk away? Some things/situations/people are only for God...

[@thawso]

@@rennell714 agreed

[@NoelAndersonhere]

Just been through two years of this. I so appreciate the articulation of the different levels of betrayal. What gets us through? The path of Christ, the cross of authentic discipleship, and trust that we are growing more closely into the image of Christ by the suffering.

[@CareyNieuwhof]

Thanks for sharing Noel

[@jrubidoobidoo]

Each layer is sooo spot on

[@Lilyflagg719]

1:02:20 WOW!!!!! So powerful & I am writing it all down to read again & again & again!!!!! Repeat it!!!!!

[@feliciaforde5750]

I understand the betrayal aspect with God, however it was in his mercy that this infidelity was brought into the light whether through the betrayers confession or your discovery. God has revealed these things to me in the most unlikely ways that I know God was showing me the truth. Please don’t ever lose your faith in God. That is the main thing that will pull you through this and keep you a loving gentle person. Turn your back on God and blame him and bitterness takes root. I’ve seen it change people. I’ve seen it turn their loving personality into an angry person. God is always faithful. Lose him and you’ve lost everything precious in this world.

[@MichelleCoonRealtor]

I paused the video to run an errand and it began again when I returned. I almost didn’t finish it, but I am so glad I did. The entire interview, but especially the last 10 minutes of this video, were truth bombs for me. Wow. Thank you Jesus! This is a powerful interview.

[@CareyNieuwhof]

wow, so glad it resonated with you

[@michellemorkel5956]

Thank you this was such a great conversation ❤❤❤ Lysa you are Amazing and so inspiring to my journey towards healing from betrayal and I have new Hope 🙏

[@CareyNieuwhof]

Thanks for watching

[@LauraNicole-q4u]

Praying , good insight to use . I did The same thing after my divorce looked for healing first .

[@jane77722]

Outstanding.

[@bethanyburrage]

Great conversation. Thanks Lysa and Carey.

[@CareyNieuwhof]

Thanks for listening

[@LaiYunLuk]

Love that Hyper spiritualising and leap fogged the progress of healing. We must be healed not out a band aid to cover our bloody wounds. Be healed from the inside out. Amen ❤

[@CareyNieuwhof]

Great insight!

[@birdagram]

Yes. I first heard this from Tim Fletcher. His series on trauma work on KZbin is phenomenal. He calls it spiritual bypassing. We have to do the work to heal from trauma.

[@grandmasstories3418]

Thank you both for taking the time to share this very enlightening, wise but still "tough loving" brain storm.....

[@brucew.martin606]

All relationships carry risk with it. True that.

[@laurabaier9363]

This has been insightful ,you were able to explain perfectly some things i had been through as well . Great interview !

[@CareyNieuwhof]

Glad it was helpful!

[@teresaeisenlohr8541]

I can't believe someone would use another's misery as a marketing tag line! Dear God! Lots of good wisdom here. Thanks!

[@CareyNieuwhof]

It's sad, but it happens :(

[@anjknelson9013]

43:37 Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing a therapy practice of drawing to describe memories. That narrative that we say to ourselves - Dr Gabor Mate describes it the same, that trauma is not what happened but how it changed you (paraphrasing); he also talks about the working theory - two people may be communicating but there may be four persons...

[@cece8095]

This lady reached right into my brain & spoke what I feel & think fairly often in this season. I too am a recovering betrayal survivor, I’d like to call myself right now. Deff healing from a couple situations that happened over the time span of about a year’s time. The situations are over & done with. Now, I’m just noticing the way I react to it. I’ve been through quite a bit of betrayal in the last 4 years. I do think all of us collectively can relate to this. Bc a lot has changed.

[@fayettewaligorski8132]

Needed this … good timing today

[@CareyNieuwhof]

Hope it's helpful

[@fayettewaligorski8132]

I believe it most certainly will be (helpful) … it’s generating soooo much prayer and deep conversations !

[@zadabeasley]

This is such a relevant topic. The discussion here is so rich. I am currently trying to develop coping mechanisms with the increase of lying and inconsistent Christians. There are many transformative ideas and concepts shared with authenticity. So grateful the algorithm offered this discovery on my feed. Thank you! To God Be The Glory! ✨🙏🏽✨🙏🏽✨

[@CareyNieuwhof]

So glad you came across our conversation

[@juliedomey5478]

Spiritual bypassing! I totally did that!

[@EdG-rn7dk]

I found this discussion interesting. Will definitely explore more, of your work. I leave this with the thought of we have to be consistent in our thoughts and actions.

[@victorial8764]

Such an original interview topic with her. So well done. Thank you all. ❤

[@CareyNieuwhof]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@carwin9761]

I love this interview! The honesty and insight is beautiful and inspiring! It was so helpful to me today. I needed it! Thank you, Lysa!❤ Also, I'm from Montana, and it's beautiful! We would love to have you here!

[@CareyNieuwhof]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@deborahclavette879]

This oversimplifies disclosure: In my case, after a 30 year marriage, I asked a question, and he answered in the affirmative (while still cloaking the details and blame shifting), with very little or no desire for reconciliation - basically a "it is what it is." Disclosure is not always "cut and dried." I appreciate the statement that we will all be betrayed, so Lysa is helping to give us the tools to better navigate. Jesus was betrayed. We best learn from Him, who entrusted Himself to the one who judges righteously."

[@maryannkinley5802]

Oh my gosh. This is so me. I overthink,overspiritualize and when things are ok i think whats going to happen cause its not normal for me to be happy or not worry. I tey to control out of fear.

[@praveeng1824]

Carrie, it was so really helpful. Would you also kindly discuss bully pastors /church bullying/spiritual abuse by pastor,coz definitely there are some good church folk and aspiring and some current church leaders who may be going through such tragic experiences from their Church Pastors which is real heart-breaking thing. It would really be helpful for people like me. Thank you in advance.Your podcasts are truly a blessing.Thank you Carrie. I am from India

[@grandmasstories3418]

My, my... the sad thing is that I have almost fallen for it myself more than once (still do at times, GHM!)..... until I catch myself or HE catches me on the leaning side and wakes me up to the Way, the TRUTH and the Life.....

[@Pp4Gd]

As a child my Mom told me that if I wasn’t perfect it would be my fault if my Dad committed suicide. Most of my relatives would tell me how wonderful my Mom was except one Aunt who told me I could come live with her. No, I did not go live with her, too much fear. My Dad never committed suicide, he had struggles like people do. When someone says to me your Mom is great I reply thats great she is ____ for you. I have lost trust and hope. I always feel like the other shoe is going to drop and I live in quiet fear all the tine. I don’t completely trust me but I did move to another state so I am not in the drama. But the saying you take it with you wherever you go is so true. Counseling is hard because I really don’t trust. I would appreciate prayers as I do love the Lord and daily try to trust.

[@brendahemphill6957]

disclosure is still a betrayal, still a shock.

[@LisaHerbstreit11531]

“Hope is the most brutal risk”🎤 drop

[@VonHeckman]

This was excellent and worthy of two or more listens! A "broken picker" was a great analogy of how we settle for dysfunctions as the "norm" and continue to reinforce negative patterns in life. SO much more here than just responses to betrayals...#holisticfaith

[@wq177]

Thank you so much! I feel validated by much of what you shared. I was curious, what do you mean at the end by “giving the devil too much credit”?

[@gloriahorvath3778]

I don’t trust anyone, and everything is a red flag. I was married for 30 yrs. He had his narcissistic mask on for the first 20. My dad passed and he became very abusive verbally, emotionally and eventually physically. I don’t think I ever want to trust again. Being around men makes me nauseous. I don’t even want to bring myself to trust again. I will never get trap in any kind of relationship to get hurt again.

[@lakelady7793]

My husband had an affair about eight years ago after 21 years of marriage. We decided to reconcile. Things appeared like they were going well for the first couple years. However, things slowly returned to how they were pre-affair, maybe worse. Now we were at our place where emotional abuse has entered the relationship again with no empathy or communication. A lot of gaslighting and manipulation happening once again I feel like I've wasted another eight years of my life on somebody that I thought I could trust again.

[@soulhappyshapewear]

Another betrayal not mentioned is those that knew what was going on but didn't tell you.

[@Ruby-wise]

Diminishing the closeness reduces the risk of closeness. … yes.

[@natashacampbell3231]

Im going through this now. I discovered and I am not getting any answers

[@theynot4u]

So sorry. 🫂

[@cherylross393]

When we're lonely after family deaths 💔 and divorce it's so hard to trust new friend's and new dating relationships. Sometimes it's about what can you do for me type of thing in friendships. Otherwise the friendships don't go forward. 😢

[@cherylross393]

Betrayed is very harming to our bodies this woman is so brave God bless her troubled emotions and heal her.

[@blgallas]

I do not know you or your full story, but just hearing the intro I can say that we can expect more betrayal. God is separating the wheat from the tares. I’ve been in this desert awhile and I can tell you that He will set a table before you in the presence of your enemies. Just keep going, say to church, where you are snubbed, made to feel less than. Etc. God is going to strengthen you to stay where He puts you. If it’s time to go, He will make it plain. Their acceptance of you is nothing compared to pleasing Jesus. After all the Pharisees never received who Jesus was. It’s going to be made plain who are tares. But I dare not judge. I keep praying for them and don’t return evil for evil or insult for insult lest you become like them. Keep your eyes on Jesus.

[@michellejefferson7776]

Lysa, what is the name of the scan you had?

[@lhjmom]

Yes yes yes yes and yes, minus ever dating again. 40 years married-too much intimate treason.

[@yougethehorns]

Yeah, everyone did that. It's why I don't go to church. I've seen it for years and it got sickening. Sorry for the brutal truth but it's the truth. Love is patient, not blind.

[@cherbears4446]

@carey any links for Lysa book? Or name of book?

[@CareyNieuwhof]

everything should be in the Show Notes: careynieuwhof.com/episode681

[@thebriderises]

Too much of Lisa being a victim in her story….God is faithful. He works all things together for good.

[@carolinejames5495]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@bethjoy7675]

Some of the red flags sound like a description of ADHD challenges. Makes me wonder

[@thebriderises]

I wouldn’t feel upset or “betrayed” by the comment your friend made about you traveling a lot. There may be some truth in that statement. And if she was a “lifelong” friend as you stated, it probably came from a place of love. You might not have been ready to face that truth. Who knows…maybe if you hadn’t traveled so much things would have been different. Maybe your husband felt you were “married” more to the ministry than him as some women feel. I’m so sorry for that you went through. You seem happily married now.

[@danastandifer7402]

To me there does seem to be more women today who are in ministry, working TOO much outside the home and becoming more career oriented over being what I consider “committed “ to being their husbands helpmate. To me, I personally find many women(not necessarily saying this lady) trying to find their identity outside of God and their marriage to find “themselves”. It is very important that as women we aren’t trying to be in the spotlight over our husbands. I would never ever put a career, hobby, even ministry of any kind over my role as a humble, quiet, strong Biblical woman and wife. It is not good for women to be so concerned with even ministry over the calling of being an excellent wife. One thing I have not heard her say (maybe I just haven’t seen it) is any humility on her part and even considering that she in any way contributed to the breakdown of their marriage. I personally find it shocking that she implies that his infidelity was only due to his actions. She did have some role in how she made her feel as a man and husband. She seems to imply she “knows it all”, “she is the expert”, “she has no sin at all” in the marriage. That is quite arrogant and prideful. We all at times dishonor our spouses, act pridefully and often rise above our husbands with our attitudes of “superiority “. A beautiful woman is humble, gentle, has a quiet spirit and is adorned with speech that is exalting Christ, not self. I personally pray she quits focusing on her betrayal, her hurt, bottom line herself. She’s not even now speaking with godliness to me but focusing on her self. I do not defend her ex husbands actions but nor could I defend hers. I just wish she could put this entire topic to the side and get back to the true gospel which is to repent, turn to God, love His word and quit talking about HERSELF. She seems to love herself more than anything .