Madame Web: 2 Truths 1 Lie

[@jesterflows8010]

the blank piece of paper bit was about a favourite memory of mom and Cassie starts rambling on about her mom dying during childbirth. the baby name part was immediately after

[@pikeman777]

Thank you. I was going to point that out, too.

[@Dustin_Frost]

Someone who's a blast at parties.

[@outsidextra]

You are correct! I must’ve miswrote that in my stream of consciousness when I got home! This film turned my brain to jelly! She also avoids guessing the name, but just verbally. -E

[@Moocow2003]

I fucking love the scene where the pregnant lady tries to say her kid is called Peter Parker but for copyright reasons she can't say Peter Parker so every time she tries to say it a balloon pops

[@kieranhair37]

I actually wrote when I reviewed this movie that this one scene makes Cassie immediately unlikable because she had the option to not put in a paper at all, and instead she just decided to steal the spotlight at someone else's baby shower by doing something weird that made it all about her dead mom.

[@penguingonemad]

"Ellen watched a movie and now that is Luke's problem" has to be one of my favourite types of Oxtra video

[@lu-gp4ld]

Are there more? 👀 If so what are the titles, I can't seem to find them

[@penguingonemad]

@lu-gp4ld "Ellen's Seen Avatar in 4DX and Now That's Luke's Problem", mainly!

[@KaladinVegapunk]

I thought Adams YMS video on madame web was the funniest but this is goddamn great

[@Cat-Bus-Stop]

I challenge Ellen to wear even more purple and completely vanish into the couch!

[@MrOuest]

It would be more challenging for her to wear less purple.

[@thomasbailey4616]

I agree with this plan. Invisible Ellen. Think of the rights she could give luke.

[@DPowered2]

I like to believe the coach cover is hers

[@yushakader4991]

@@thomasbailey4616I vote for the rights to Spider-Man so web can be cannon

[@sirennightshade4977]

I saw a post once that summed up the "purple is my favorite color" type of person, and it's yet to be proven false: "Purple is life. Purple is love. Purple is everything. All that I am is purple, all that ever will be is purple. If you don't like purple, I will end you." The fact that Ellen comes into this video with purple hair, a purple cardigan, and a shirt with purple on it, really just reinforces this state of mind.

[@Pixeleyes]

I almost pirated it but then I remembered that my life is finite so I decided to pet a dog instead.

[@rosskwolfe]

You made the right choice.

[@jordinagel1184]

The dog definitely appreciated it too

[@beesforbreakfast]

Yeah I just lit a tenner on fire and fell down some stairs

[@ArDeeMee]

You‘re growing up so fast! 🥲

[@nerovondoom6298]

You cherish your dog.

[@Michael_Lindell]

Ironically, the film was so bad it cured Ellen of her arachnophobia.

[@ryadinstormblessed8308]

🤣🤣🤣

[@danielizzo1166]

Clearly the only way to test this is a new installment of "Aracnaphobe Rates Spiders in Videogames"

[@coltonwilliams4153]

@@danielizzo1166 And if she hasn’t been cured of her arachnophobia, then another installment will be an excellent punishment for inflicting this pain upon us all.

[@tinyrogue1320]

lol

[@primykins106]

😂😂😂

[@mullac4148]

My favourite oversight of the film is how Cassie gets to Peru. The film is set in 2003, so airport security is at an all-time high. And yet, this woman - who is wanted for the kidnapping of three teenage girls - drives a smashed-up, stolen taxi to the airport and easily gets on a flight to Peru. And returns to the US with similarly no trouble at all.

[@mullac4148]

Not to mention when Cassie returns from Peru, she is still driving the same stolen taxi. How has it not been towed away? It was driven through the walls of a diner. Luckily no one's looking for the stolen taxi nor thinks anything odd of the wrecked taxi in an airport car park.

[@mullac4148]

I've thought of another one. When she goes off to Peru, she drops off the girls with soon-to-be-uncle Ben. He's heard on the radio that Cassie is wanted for kidnapping three girls. Nevertheless, when Cassie shows up at his apartment with said girls and tells him she now has clairvoyant powers, and to hide the girls and don't let them get seen by security cameras for a few days so she can flee to South America, he goes along with this unquestioningly.

[@peterb6834]

My confusion about the Peru section was firstly, why didn’t she change her clothes to something more suitable? She has jeans, a shirt and a leather jacket for the middle of the Amazon! Secondly, she takes no time at all to get back, it seemed like she was just away from the 3 girls for a few hours. She’s in Peru, the she’s just back in the middle of Queens like no time passed

[@lucaz02]

Wait if it's set in 2003 than that's another thing that makes no sense, cause MCU Peter Parker was born in 2001

[@boobah5643]

@@lucaz02Not the only problem the movie has with staying period; you may have noticed the PSP product placement despite the PSP's North American release in March, 2005.

[@merepseu]

I loved it when Ellen said "It's Ellenin' Time" and Ellened all over the quiz.

[@donweatherwax9318]

It's funny, but it is no joke.

[@davidhelmer9124]

I wonder how much Coke paid to have Pepsi in this movie?

[@mr.mephitis2492]

Nice.

[@D33zNutzOnyaChin]

😂😂😂

[@KeithFraser82]

I see what you did there.

[@greenhydra10]

I loved the part where Ellen said "It's Morbin' time" and morbed all over the place. It really says something about how bad the movie is that a *gaming* channel had to talk crap.

[@SidneyBroadshead]

Yes. That Ellen saw a spider movie and couldn't laugh harder at it, inspiring her to make a content video about it.

[@GarmrKiDar]

*"It's Ellening time!"*

[@fabianlaibin6956]

@@GarmrKiDar Merilwen meat grinder special?

[@franciscopina2899]

​@@MarvinPowell1 LMFAO!! You sir win the Internet for today!! 🍻

[@Tickerbee]

I'd like to contribute some other out of context scenes: - In the process of altering the future to save the three teens, Cassie causes AT MINIMUM five bystanders to be killed. Two in the helicopter ambulance blown up by one of the fireworks she set off, one in a car that she explodes while ramming a stolen ambulance into Ezekiel, the emergency patient who she stole the ambulance from, and the paramedic who she causes to collide with traffic by delaying him. - Cassie alludes to the fact that Ben will one day die and smirks knowingly. Despite the fact that the entire film is about her changing the future, this scene seems to imply that she doesn't intervene in her best friend's death. At this point Cassie is basically omniscient and decides who lives and who dies, and she seems to decide that there's nothing extremely sketchy she won't do for the sake of these three specific teenage girls and one pigeon. It's like Doctor Strange in Infinity War except Cassie isn't depicted as ambiguously machiavellian. - Ezekiel is somehow able to use the NSA technology to download an image from his dreams, then unmask the girls from his dream image, and then de-age the image. Also he seduces and then kills an NSA agent to steal her NSA login credentials at gun point and then continues to use the credentials for three weeks without them flagging that as suspicious. - The reason Cassie and the girls don't go to the police about Ezekiel is because the police believe Cassie herself is the kidnapper, this is demonstrated to the audience when she sees a newspaper about the incident in a diner four hours later in a different state. Also despite being a wanted fugitive, she drives to the airport in a stolen taxi with the licence plate ripped off, boards a plane to Peru, returns and finds the stolen taxi still waiting for her in the airport a week later, all without being flagged by the authorities.

[@coltonmarkusson2397]

My favourite bit was when she went to Peru to talk the spider people tribe. It went from several people who were all red with like spiderwebs on their bodies instead of clothes who seemed to use a sort of sign language or maybe vague telepathy to communicate with one another to just 1 guy who is dressed normal and now speaks perfect English.

[@Dustin_Frost]

"three specific teenage girls and one pigeon" was a detail that just had me dying.

[@Paradox-es3bl]

The not saving Ben Parker thing COULD HAVE been explained VERY well with a line of like, "If I save him, I kill millions." or like, pretty much literally any attempt at an explanation lol. Because Uncle Ben is one of THE ONLY characters who HAS TO STAY DEAD in Marvel. It's like Batman's parents in most of DC, aside from Flashpoint which was actually really interesting by basically doing the opposite. (To be fair, I think there IS a universe where Uncle Ben and Mayday Parker are alive... but it's very much not even remotely a mainline universe. Like it's not 616, it's not the Ultimate Universe, idk if it's even numbered officially lol. That's how much Ben Parker NEEDS to stay dead)

[@CptBonex]

​@Paradox-es3bl If I recall correctly in the universe where ben lives spider-man kills his enemies cause he never goes through the trauma and gets that life lessons.

[@donweatherwax9318]

Yes yes, it's all quite believable but you have to look at the time period. The film happens in 2003. In December 2002, Congress had just released their Report about why 9/11 was allowed to happen. In other words, getting that one detail right - showing Cassie just flying to Peru and back with no oversight at a time when overseas flights were being scrutinized like never before in world history; thereby presenting the US's overpaid intelligence community as slow, compartmentalized clods who never share info - was just good period detail, like playing "Toxic", or killing a lot of innocent bystanders. (Paul Verhoeven's last American film having just been released in 2000.)

[@OllieChamberlain]

When Ellen said "3 spider powered women" at 10:00 I had visions of women filled with spiders on hamster wheels running furiously

[@labradude]

Ellen you forgot the best part about the Pepsi warehouse. Literally one week prior to the finale, the warehouse was on fire and was deemed structurally unsound. So I guess the city looked at that and said 'that's ok we'll put more flammable things inside of it anyway.'

[@Jonas-lj8ul]

It IS New York....

[@ka-mai]

This is the most realistic detail.

[@armelior4610]

"That's the best thing bout Madam Web : I still haven't seen it yet" ... and never will

[@ArDeeMee]

Well… you did TECHNICALLY watch snippets of it. Your day is now ruined, you’re welcome. =P

[@alessayui5575]

One of the ridiculous parts about the scene in which the paramedic dies, it is that later they show the street that the truck was going toward and it ends a bit further into water, so the truck was accelarating nowhere.

[@DuelaDent52]

And also she kind of caused his death since if she didn’t delay him then he wouldn’t have been in the collision.

[@billyalarie929]

@@DuelaDent52but it sounds like he would’ve otherwise yeeted himself into a watery grave

[@ArDeeMee]

Is this a Final Destination situation, where a bus came hurtling out of a blocked off street?

[@RealDoubleJ]

Can I also shoutout a moment Ellen didn't mention, Cassie steals a New York Taxi to escape with the girls but then just drives around casually for the rest of the film as if she owns the car cause no one reported it stolen!! She also steals an ambulance for the climax with no repercussions, which makes me think she shares the same superpower as the 90s film Captain America

[@weneedaladder8384]

She also doesn't mention that, while wanted by the NSA, Cassie drives this stolen cab to the airport and flies to Peru. In 2003.

[@darthsirrius]

To be fair she takes the license plate off, not that that the cops wouldn't definitely stop someone without a license plate LOL

[@RealDoubleJ]

@weneedaladder8384 aaaaaah, I forgot about how convenient in 2003 it was to just leave a homicidal maniac to chase 3 teenagers so you can go on a vision quest in Peru and be back in time for Chinese takeaway!

[@RealDoubleJ]

@darthsirrius I was driven more insane by the script putting that in because NYC taxis have numbered medallions fixed to the chassis to identify them as officially licensed!! I didn't mention that in my initial post cause that is waaaaaay too nerdy nitpicky 😅😅

[@jamesclarkson156]

As the pitch meeting put it. Her powers are Precognition and Grand Theft Auto.

[@ChrisCandreva]

NYC trivia: The Pepsi sign is real. It was on top of the Long Island City Pepsi bottling plant on the waterfront until 2003, when that plant closed. Pepsi sold the plant for development, and the sign was relocated to a park on the waterfront nearby. It's still there. Conceivably in a fictional universe, after the plant was closed the building could have been used as simply a storage warehouse, for fireworks or anything else

[@mortifidpenguin]

The sadest thing about this film is Madame Web is actually a good character in the comics , as is Ezekiel Sims. There is a basis for a good story there but much like the Hellboy reboot .... it feels like a bunch of people sat around and said "Hey that thing is cool, lets just copy that without any context to explain it"

[@beesforbreakfast]

Part of Sony’s licensing deal with Marvel is that they’ve got to chuck out something Spider-related, or they lose rights to Peter and his perpetual money-printing license. I _hated_ The Other but I’ll concede that Sims is an interesting character

[@DEEJAYWAL]

Yes, Ellen's remark about it being made as a tax write-off is not far off the truth.

[@mortifidpenguin]

@@beesforbreakfast Honestly I think Dakota Johnson would have made a far better Jessica Drew than Madame Web. But I have to agree that the licensing deal was probably a fairly large part of the reason this movie was always destined to be underwhelming. Also imagine the writers strikes and what have you didn't help either.

[@boobah5643]

@@mortifidpenguin "the licensing deal was probably a fairly large part of the reason this movie was always destined to be underwhelming" Or, and I realize this is crazy talk... they could actually make a good movie that uses the license? Or, if that's not an option, not spend hundreds of millions? Unless there's some demand in the agreement for a minimum budget for the movie, why would you spend hundreds of millions but not care how effectively those millions were spent?

[@psoma_brufd]

​@boobah5643 Put simply, they don't care, they likely couldn't get anyone decent to do it so got it done for the sake of keeping the license.

[@manigen]

All together now: 🎶 show of the weekend, show of the weekend, show of the weekend, show of the weekend, show of the weeee-kend 🎶

[@jocosesonata]

25:30 - "You've just seen Madame Web. You could walk out of the cinema and get beaten up, and you'd be like: Nice." Luke's delivery of that line is just peak comedy. See, folks. This is exactly what he's saying, you wouldn't have gotten this hilarious line without the existence of Madame Web. The rainbow after the rain.

[@beesforbreakfast]

Every Madam Web has a savage beating

[@theforgottenstorytellers8763]

The “hears prophecy, tries to avoid it thus making it happen” is actually a trope that goes back to Ancient Greece. One of the big questions of Greek literature is about whether people can change their fate.

[@kieranhair37]

It's a Greek trope, which they probably thought made sense for Cassandra. But Greek Cassandra's actual heel was that no one trusted her prophecies. That happens in this film too, mind you. But the biggest problem with her making fate happen is that it doesn't really go anywhere and isn't used much again. It's crazy to have to say this, but Kung Fu Panda made better use of that trope. "A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it." That line has real meaning in that movie. It doesn't have much meaning here.

[@jasonjason9270]

“I feel so good today” aged terribly in 30 minutes. Record time

[@ArDeeMee]

L: I‘ll just be in the recovery position for a bit… E: I‘m SO sorry! *giggles* L: Not accepted… =.=

[@rayquazzenron3853]

L: That would really sum up my day if you stopped my heart.

[@DMBLaan]

So fun fact, Ezekiel Sims is a good guy actually in the comics, with a few rare events where he's more Chaotic Neutral. In fact he was often shown to be a mentor to Peter Parker.

[@kieranhair37]

It's almost too bad Sony can't use Peter because, as much as I hated Sims wearing that spider-suit, I hated even more that they framed Cassie for the kidnapping. I think the suit should've been seen and well-known. Then, when Spider-Man appears later in a similar outfit, Jameson actually has some really legitimate reasons for not trusting him. It's like, even Sony's worst ideas could be redeemed with just a few tweaks, but it's like everyone who writes for them just actively wants them to fail and makes saving them as hard as possible.

[@Ovetupp]

Ellen seems to have been bitten by a radioactive purple sofa

[@Tabbyclaw]

@@SimuLord With great purple comes great responsibility.

[@chefbreccia2642]

She will use these powers in some truly violet acts.

[@rodrigocampos1302]

​@@SimuLord With great confort comes great snuggleability

[@Sableagle]

Once her powers are fully developed, her name shall be Indigo Montoya and she shall say: "Hhhallo."

[@Sableagle]

Then, being Ellen, as she gets more powerful, she also becomes mauve virtuous.

[@Tabbyclaw]

Luke, *obviously* you want your factory to be right on the water. If it's good enough for Amadeus Astor, it's good enough for anyone.

[@bryanellis459]

This makes me think of Star trek; ""Of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?" "They're all true." "Even the lies?" "Especially the lies."

[@Amaritudine]

"Lying is a skill like any other, and if you want to maintain a level of excellence you have to practice constantly."

[@minntaaka]

My dear doctor...

[@philiphunn194]

Luke: “IT IS REAALLLLLLL!” Ellen: “IT’S A FAAAAAAAAAAAKE!”

[@ClassifiedRanTom]

Wait, I haven’t seen this movie and have no interest: Ezekiel kills Cassies mother at the Rainforest while she’s still pregnant with Cassie!? How the hell was Cassie born then!?

[@davidwells5611]

1. Cassie's mother crawls into a pond and goes into labor, has Cassie, then dies 2. Ezekiel performs a c-section with a butterfly knife and leaves Cassie in a nearby village 3. Magical spider people

[@khamjaninja.]

Giving birth after dying is also a spider power.

[@eddythefool]

Magical time spider paradox

[@Jbluez1]

@@davidwells5611Two true one lie. Well played.

[@jaspersagem9469]

​@@davidwells5611I'm guessing 2 cause it's the funniest option

[@Tsanito]

"It's Clawolverine time!" went by so fast, i dont think people had time to appreciete it properly

[@ArDeeMee]

I did hear it, if it’s any consolation. But everything just kept moving so fast. 🫣

[@NoName-Me]

I went to watch this by myself and made it about 30 minutes in and realized I could be any where else. This was the first movie I walked out on in about a decade. I went to a cafe next to the theater and had an affogato with a cookie. It was a much better use of my time.

[@quinndrakon9468]

"My friends call me Cassie. You can call me Madame Web" reminded me of 'Robocop 3': "My friends call me Murphy. You can call me Robocop."

[@rovaan57]

For me, the best part of watching Madam Web is that it hasn’t happened yet.

[@ArDeeMee]

The best part about this statement is that it will remain true until the heat death of the universe.

[@jayrose4572]

Someone please also tell Luke that at one point Ezekiel is going to try to kill the girls with a grenade even though he could do it with his bare hands (which was proven multiple times in the movie at that point), but at that moment Cassie ramps a stolen ambulance through a parking deck at him, he uses his spider senses to jump and get hit by it (even though, if he didn't jump it would have went over him) , then drops the grenade on himself when he hits the ground

[@misamagica]

No fucking way

[@jayrose4572]

It's not even the first time he's hit with a car in the movie😂

[@Moocow2003]

Ezekiel "You can't kill me if I kill myself first" Simms

[@chadflanaganCFC]

I like how despite not watching this movie, I've gotten most of these questions right, simply by assuming whatever is stupidest is the right answer(s).

[@Sivick314]

the same people who made morbius made this... HOW DO THEY KEEP GETTING WORK?!?

[@nicholashylton6857]

I guess they work cheap & fast.

[@pikeman777]

It's Sony. They could keep making this crap for a decade before it would hurt them financially.

[@BusinessSkrub]

Woke activists infesting everything

[@queenoffabulous2156]

I THINK sometimes a studio will be like who wants this movie, and when no one good takes it they'll give it to anyone

[@whocares9033]

They create spectacular losses for tax purposes

[@skemono]

I was expecting another Ellening so by the time of the final question I exclaimed "They're ALL the final line of the movie!"

[@zack8596]

I thought it was going to be the final three sentences put one right after the other.

[@Wolfencreek]

"How far are we through the film?" "Not far enough"

[@alankerrr]

It's worth pointing out that this film is NOT set within the MCU and Tom Holland's Spider-Man is not the baby that is born - but Sony are desperate for people to think that's the case. Even the cast were under the impression that they were joining the MCU. Kevin Feige wants no part of this travesty

[@AceOfSevens]

Yeah. The timeline doesn't line up. This Peter Parker is born in 2003, which would make him 12 or 13 in Civil War, and no way is he meant to be that young. It's really, close, though. If this were set in 2001, it would be plausible.

[@Dustin_Frost]

Didn't they do that in Morphius?

[@TurinAlexander]

@@AceOfSevens Yeah, but since when the MCU have a coherent time line?

[@kieranhair37]

@@Dustin_Frost I mean, they had Vulture show up. But the rules of this multiverse are so unclear that it's hard to say if it's the same Vulture or just a really similar one. I mean, it's not even clear if the Kingpin and Daredevil in Hawkeye and She-Hulk are the same ones from Netflix. There are good reasons to think they aren't. So far, it seems that Spider-Man characters are the only people who look different in every multiverse. Either way, I think it says more about Marvel than Sony that they looked at Morpheus and said "yes, this is a movie we would like our characters to cross paths with."

[@Moocow2003]

BTW, because the film is cheap the same forest is used as the Amazon and also the forest that Cassie abandons the teenage girls in. So, because the film has a problem with characters traveling absurdly far with no delay, it kinda totally looks like she dumped them in the Amazon Rainforest.

[@james.b.mcgill]

Don't forget, it's early 2000s facial recognition, used on what would have to be an artists interpretation of Ezekiel describing what the masked Spider-women look like in his dream. And then de-aged with technology that didn't exist in the early 2000s. (De-aging of the time was based off also using photos of the parents, which the girl-in-the-chair didn't have)

[@RobinJohnstonphotography]

Ceiling Man! With all the powers of a ceiling! Maybe he bounced off a radioactive ceiling?

[@danielizzo1166]

Ceiling man, ceiling man, covers your room as best he can...

[@tmatthewnielsen]

Maybe it was actually "Sealing Man"?

[@MisterHanRPG]

Just use Ceiling Man's weakness, ceiling fans. They'll floor him every time.

[@lisah-p8474]

I'm a little disappointed that Ellen didn't mention that when he's not in his spider suit he's running around the city barefoot. Because his feet have to be naked so they can stick to the ceiling. 😂🤣 Just a normal dude in a suit, barefoot, walking around Queens. Yep.

[@beesforbreakfast]

Ceiling Man, Ceiling Man Does whatever a ceiling can Shelters me, keeps me dry Blocks my view of the sky Look up! There is the Ceiling Man

[@grumble]

I loved this episode of "Now it's like you watched it, only worse" 😂😂 It's a game my friends and I play all the time; just recently I summarised the plot of about half of a 100 episode kdrama series to my friend over facetime in a breathless rush of 30 minutes, and she's been ASKING FOR UPDATES. I really need to finish it. Anyway, I had no idea this film even existed, and now I don't have to worry about it! Will be randomly cracking up for about a week, though, so thank you, all three of you (very much enjoyed Producer Jon's commentary as well) ❤

[@BarbelithFilm]

My favorite part was when the girls kept asking Cassie "But when do we get to the FIREWORKS FACTORY???"

[@mrbrainly]

The zoom-ins on Luke's face whenever he was trying to comprehend the plot of Madame Web were brilliant

[@jasonhubbard6775]

This is a much more fun way of learning how horrible a movie is than listening to the droning of Cinema Sins.

[@beesforbreakfast]

I’ve got a couple pals who are fans of Cinema Sins, and whilst I endeavour to keep a civil tongue in my head whilst in their company, I quite deliberately do not go to the pictures with them

[@Splurge7589]

The ad that played before this was a Madame Web trailer. The ad that played after was a Madame Web trailer. I laughed quite a bit during the after trailer.

[@beesforbreakfast]

There’s an edge to the cackles that a layman might conflate with a sob, but same

[@rossjones1530]

Cassie’s power is basically “Final Destination but worse and more ineffectual”.

[@khrisbreezy3628]

It's sad that they'll make movies like Madame Web but shelf a Batman Beyond animated movie in the style of Spider-verse

[@Canadian_Zac]

Because that one would require skill Good Writing Good CGI Which hollywood has decided they just don't need anymore

[@KeybladeMasterAndy]

​@@Canadian_Zac Don't forget good executive decision making. Batman Beyond is Warner Bros. Discovery. THIS movie is made by Sony. That studio is run by largely the same people that tried building up a sinister six movie that didn't happen. And it's not too far away from where Fox was when they needed a fire lit under their ass to get Deadpool greenlit because they thought he was "too niche" of a character.

[@Hopalongtom]

To be fair this is two separate companies doing two separate utterly awful decisions!

[@bjchit]

@@Hopalongtom Don’t forget Universal canceling the Popeye movie for The Emoji Movie for the trifecta!

[@troppypop]

Pour one out, also, for Coyote vs. Acme

[@84Reyn]

Luke's pain is palpable through the screen

[@8ACCraftworks]

There's no explanation as to why Ezekiel has his spider-suit; does he do whatever a spider does? Not that we're aware of. He also turns up to murder the three teenagers on a train, in front of many witnesses, in his ordinary clothes before changing into his spider PJs to assault the police. I don't think Cassie actually drank any of the Pepsi products, I think she just held them awkwardly to make sure the branding was towards the camera.

[@Dustin_Frost]

The spider-suit is for... Other purposes. I'm not judging.

[@kieranhair37]

As far as I can tell, he does basically everything Peter would do if he didn't build his web shooters. I was going to say the suit makes sense because you shouldn't show your face while trying to murder teen girls in public but I forgot about the train scene. Which, as Ellen said, is probably the best scene in the film (weird that two movies with female protagonists had awesome murder train sequences around the same time this year). My poor brain has instead decided to forget the best scene while remembering everything else in vivid detail.

[@alcheman12]

Ellen made this sound like the funniest comedy of the year

[@glassesman15]

When she hits him w the "they're all true!" I died lol😂

[@CristanMeijer]

There's just so many more hilarious parts to this movie. Like when they scared off a super powered bad guy who was standing on an ambulance by putting defibrulators at the ceiling of the ambulance, the absolutely spectacularly bad lines they added through ADR or the fact that Cassie would have missed the bad guy when driving an ambulance out of the first floor, but then the bad guy jumped up towards it 😂

[@Flaris]

Madame Web is basically a slasher movie where almost no one dies. Just a super powerful jerk following teens around and trying to kill them. And yet somehow failing the whole time.

[@igamealex]

1. It’s not a name guess. The paper in the hat is “your favorite memory with your mom” or something like that. 2. I watched it alone, had watched Dune 2 earlier in the day. Had a great time. BUT: The best part was when she was blind and paralyzed. The madame web I remember from my childhood.

[@kieranhair37]

Yeah, I didn't actually hate it. I gave it a very bad score when I reviewed it for work, but my job is to be as objective as I can and write about what average viewers should expect. Personally? I can enjoy terrible movies. Seems like Ellen can, too. That's a rare superpower these days, when people start getting angry at a movie's existence the moment it's announced.

[@FanDanGo86]

I get why Luke looks defeated by the end of the video but at least he didn't have to sit through the dumpster fire of a film. Full respect to Ellen for seeing it and not walking out 🤣

[@ArDeeMee]

„No, no, I can work with this!“ *hectic scribbling*

[@katherinehunold1828]

New Yorker here-- I've seen a couple different reaction/review videos baffled by the Pepsi-Cola sign in the movie but it is a legit location here in NYC! It was first made in the 1940s and once hung over Pepsi's bottling facility along the waterfront in Queens. It was given official Landmark status in 2016 and now hangs in Gantry Plaza State Park! (Though I can only assume product placement $$ is the main reason that scene was set there at all lol)

[@scottneil1187]

Don't know why anyone is confused, that sign has been in hundreds of films over the years, I recognised it instantly and I live over here in Scotland. Modern audiences not watching decent films because 'they're old' probably.

[@pettespizzaparlor3245]

For me it was SIGN randomly showing up. On a fireworks factory? But also I'm a comic book person and intuitively know that when you need a dark and brooding MOMENT. A roof top with a random sign to lean on and look out from is useful. The confusing part is that's not what they used it for. And they didn't clearly sign post that this sign is a visual marker that we are in Queens, NY.

[@jerbar1280]

The confusion is not about why there is a Pepsi sign on a building near the water, it's why was is there a working neon pepsi sign on top of a building that was damaged in a fire a short time ago, which was also now filled with fireworks? Answer: product placement + explosions equal profit. "I don't care how you shoehorn explosions and Pepsi into the big final fight, jus do it."

[@yt_Ajay_]

I love how we didn't even precede this video with a spoiler warning for Madame Web. 😂 29:05 Luke, have you seen Nicolas Cage's Next?

[@AaronMcLin]

Methinks that anyone who clicks on a thumbnail that says: "Madame Web" and "This film is unbelievably stupid" in all caps should just maybe expect some spoilers...

[@oxfanblink4115]

Think Ellen knows it’s unlikely many of us will watch it due to the decline of marvel movies since Endgame except Guardians 3 and both Shameik’s and Tom’s Spider-Man series

[@beesforbreakfast]

Madam Web arrives spoilt. You ever bought a pasty from a 24hr shop on the way home from the pub and bit straight into a raft of mould?

[@Viglin123]

😂😂😂😂 this and Pitch Meeting is the only gift Madame Web gave to the world . I wish you had mentioned the dancing on table scene 🙀

[@Adam-uh3hy]

🎶 Show of the weekend, show of the weekend, show of the weekend, show of the weekend, show of the week eeeennnnnd 🎶

[@octochan]

There already is a film that tries to teach you "life is pain", the rest of the quote goes "...anyone says differently is selling something".

[@austinsebben1402]

The KEY thing about Madame Web is that she’s a campy snarky 80 year-old lady on life support who gives Spider-Man wierd prophetic advice, and she looks like a Nosferatu, so it’s incredibly funny to make her a young superhero type. You gotta look at it’s as a Final Destination teen slasher with the Smider-Man IP

[@tylerbarnes972]

I’ve been having a rough couple of past days, but this genuinely helped put a smile on my face. Thank you.

[@terencedigan3932]

Video idea: can Ellen completely camouflage herself into the couch?

[@merepseu]

Hold on, I'm getting a Madame Web vision of a tombstone. _Here lies Ellen Rose_ _19XX - 2024_ _Beloved Daughter, Crunchy Cushion._

[@VonBlade]

I didn't know I needed thirty minutes dunking on a film I'll never see, but oddly, I did. Now everyone go and watch Nimona.

[@laurendyer2838]

Don’t need to tell me twice. Don’t know how much I’ve rewatched it now, but it isn’t enough

[@beesforbreakfast]

I was at a panel with JD Stevenson for Thought Bubble back in November, and one of my big takeaways was to expect a _lot_ more animation out of him. He talks about the process with such passion and affection.

[@JWest8606]

Nimona is SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD!!!!

[@PanAndScanBuddy]

Also at no point does Ezekiel think "Hey maybe I should plead my case. Please, teenagers who don't know me at all, I have a horrible recurring nightmare vision of you turbo murdering me with spider-powers, and it would be great if we could come to an agreement to not do that, on the basis that you've never even met me so like, don't?" Of course he probably shouldn't have killed Cassie's mother, but hey, sometimes you get caught up in a bad decision and don't send your partner away so you can snag Spider Powers.

[@PanAndScanBuddy]

11:59

[@crouchingmarker]

@@PanAndScanBuddy - But they're going to destroy everything he built! You know... the stuff... that he built. The company that does... the thing... and the apartment, I guess? It was a pretty sweet loft, with adequate space for a hacker and a dead NSA agent.

[@kieranhair37]

I mean, it raises the question of what they were going to kill him for if he hadn't gone after them. That might make sense if he had some other villainous plan they'd try to stop one day, but we're not given that. I swear, even the most minor changes in storytelling could've made this movie at least 50% better, yet somehow four combined screenwriters couldn't figure that out.

[@masakazuishiguro8525]

If an Adam Scott’s character’s name is Ben, my mind definitely will autocomplete it to Ben Wyatt

[@austinsebben1402]

Madame Web kicks ass, she can see the future so well that she can fight someone as strong as Spider-Man by perfectly arranging events like smashing into him with a New York taxi, and then dropping an ambulance she’s driving 50 feet onto him, saving Ben and the girls, she REALLY Final Destinations him

[@BigWill076]

23:48 Lmao you can hear someone off camera absolutely cracking up from this joke, and that makes it so much funnier.

[@VonBlade]

Cameraman James wheezing away.

[@kieranhair37]

You can actually hear him a few times throughout this video. He doesn't seem to have seen it either, so he's just losing it when Luke gives his take on what he's hearing.

[@bretthake7713]

11:26 I love that this is Luke's reaction at just 1/3 the way through the quiz, what a saint

[@danielgemas2117]

I knew 'Ellening' originally as 'Calvin Ball' from the comic strip Calvin and Hobs.

[@ArDeeMee]

And reborn as Grudgby. „The rules are nonsense, but it’s kinda fun.“

[@Pikey34]

I also love the part where she has kidnapped these girls but wants to go to peru so she just calls ben to come look after them. At no point does it show her talking to him about whats happened or does he see any of whats happened but just does it cause hey, hes a good guy

[@davidioanhedges]

What do you get if you film a movie, rewrite it extensively during filming, then rewrite it again after filming, remove all explicit references to Spiderman after filming when you own the IP ... decide to remove all the dialogue of the villain and re-record it badly, and give the project to a bad director .... I would say there is an OK plot struggling to get out ... but there is a badly written movie that was then ruined by the studio ...

[@kieranhair37]

Wait, is that really what happened? Because yeah, this movie had a lot of potential. But what you're saying suggests they actually worked really hard to make it as bad as it is. Which makes me wonder if it was even worse before, or if it was ironically better and they just tanked it for some reason. I wouldn't call Clarkson a bad director, though. She's worked on some really great series, even if she hasn't done a feature before. And even though I've been blaming her for the writing, she is last in the list of screenwriters. So I doubt the whole script was in her hands. But her direction seems fine through most of the movie. It's just an unfortunate reality that most of the scenes she's directing are really, really stupid. And somehow, competent directing of a stupid scene elevates stupidity to sheer melodrama. Which is really funny when your melodrama involves the life of a pigeon.

[@davidioanhedges]

@@kieranhair37The other writers were the writers on several recent flops ... I think it was mostly badly written, then made worse by the studio, and in the edit ... I don't think it's possible to see if the Director was OK or not ...

[@kieranhair37]

@@davidioanhedges It's very possible, especially for anyone who knows or has worked in film. There are clear signs of a good director here. A good director who took a dumpster fire of a project.

[@KageMaxwell]

This video had me in tears. Thank you so much. I need to see this trainwreck of a movie at home.

[@ChrisPreece]

I'm having so many flashbacks to my experience of watching Cats the movie. It genuinely felt at times like I was having a sleep deprivation fever dream.

[@Mulbert]

I watched it twice at the cinema for laughs (and because I genuinely like some of the songs! The railway cat one slapped), there were walkouts lol. When Sir Ian McKellen, one of the greatest actors of his age, started lapping milk from a saucer I lost it 😅

[@beesforbreakfast]

I had a colleague who _loved_ the Cats movie and insistently declared that its detractors “just didn’t understand the story.” I haven’t seen it, but I’ve seen the show, and: my good bish, Cats does not _have_ a story. Cats has a bunch of horny dance numbers and then one of them gets yeeted into the stratosphere

[@altothesting]

As someone who saw Madame Web too… I still find it bafflingly funny that the main villain was defeated by a Pepsi sign, and at the same time, Madame Web herself also got blinded by fireworks… which were BOTH at the same factory

[@theinspiredgamer1949]

As a massive fan of Spider-Man and anything Spider-Man adjacent, these characters all deserved so much better than to be in this film.

[@najibzulkafli5820]

oh yes, the characters definitely deserved better...

[@darrienjones8917]

Weird thing. I know this could've worked if given to people who actually were competent. But unfortunately the only competent people Sony Marvel has on hand write for Spider-Verse.

[@snorpenbass4196]

That's okay, none of the comics characters were in the film. Only the names were used. ...okay, Ben Parker seems to have been about right. But everyone else is some complete douchecanoe with a comic book character's name.

[@kieranhair37]

@@snorpenbass4196 And in a few occasions, a couple of decent actors behind them. I've seen at least two of the Spider-Girls before and they were great. No idea why they decided to cast them for this film if they were just gonna run around the woods and dance on tables and do pretty much nothing else. Either way, you're right about Ben. We've only gotten him twice on film, yet somehow I can picture Adam Scott growing into either version. They should've just let the casting director write the movie because she clearly cares more about her job than the writers do.

[@dwlr007]

8:56 He actually takes on the mantle of Spider-Man at a few points in the comics and is more of an anti-hero-esque character. 26:28 She has telepathy (which includes being able to do psychic surgery on other people's minds), clairvoyance and prescience with a touch of astral projection thrown in there for good measure. She definitely isn't all powerful, but she sort of pulls the strings in the spider verse in the comics at least. She's oddly tied to the spider people especially Spider-Man which sets off the events that Into the Spiderverse stole from where she gathers Spider-Man from multiple realities to stop Spider-Man who is fused with the Carnage symbiote from destroying the multi-verse.

[@nunyabiz7699]

The thing is. I am a HUGE Spiderman fan. Like. For Decades been a fan. So I am pretty familiar with the character and DESPITE the movie. Madam Web is honestly a really cool character. (So is Morbius. But they ruined him to) So honestly. I can not even watch these movies.

[@Dustin_Frost]

Who do we get to fill the shoes of Joan Lee, mother of Spider-Man? Spin that wheel!

[@lichking410]

I think, in the comics, Madame Web wasn't one of the Spider-People. She started out as a psychic that Spiderman visited to get info on a crime he was trying to solve (and was in her 80s or something). After that she just kinda became a recurring character that helped out the various Spider-People. I believe she was finally unalived by someone from a different dimension that was offing Spider-People to harvest "the spirit of the spider". It was a big Spiderverse story line that featured Silk pretty heavily. (please correct me if I'm wrong, Spiderman lore isn't my strong suit.)

[@kieranhair37]

Killed. The word you're looking for is killed. Notice that KZbin has not banned me for saying it.

[@SomeGuy1117]

I can't believe a human proposed this, got it approved by others, wrote it with a team, got actors, a crew, and a director together, yet no one thought "this sucks" anywhere in the process. Like, there are so many good film concepts that never come to light but this did? How? Why?

[@paultapping9510]

some studios purposefully make bad films for complicated financial reasons. It would not surprise me to find out this was one of those.

[@SomeGuy1117]

@@paultapping9510 Tax purposes probably.

[@TheRaven8]

Just stumbled across you two. This is wonderful content. You two are a blast together

[@lukas8670]

I love how Luke died at the end and then just stayed there while Ellen finished.

[@claywalker1980]

I love Ellen's laugh. It makes every joke funnier when she finds it funny and gets all giggly.

[@scottnicholson3147]

Fun fact. The writers of Madame Web and Morbius also wrote 2016's Gods of Egypt

[@toadcola]

Proof that neither spider powers nor time travel exist.

[@mattyt1961]

which sucks because they all had potential and completely f'd them

[@flameboy_wonder]

My favourite thing was the timeline. Everything from the Grand Central Station attack to the diner attack happens in the same day, but in the diner, a man calls the police after recognising the 'kidnapped' girls from the newspaper in his hand - HOW DID HE GET THAT NEWSPAPER ALREADY? (Also, Cassie gets to and from that exact spot in Peru on commercial flights so fast that that section of the movie also takes less than a day.)

It was not an Ellening. She did not put in a blank piece of paper for guess the baby name, she put in a blank peace of paper for best memory of your Mum game where the Mum to be has to guess whose memory it is. And then told everyone it was her cos she had no memory’s cos her Mum died in Child Birth to the expectant Mum. She just left rather than guessing the name which had to be done outloud not written. Honestly was no one paying attention to this masterpiece. 😂

[@Moocow2003]

That was such an INSANE vibe kill. Like who even says that?? I swear Cassie got brain damage from dying for a lil bit at the start of the film. She shows up to a baby shower, tries and fails to open a can of Pepsi for several minutes, tells an expecting mother all about how her mother died in childbirth (neglecting to tell her she died from being SHOT over a spider dispute), started having increasingly bizarre reactions (because she was being time looped or something), then sat there in brooding silence whilst people tried to guess the baby name but balloons kept ominously popping every time they tried to reveal the name. overall just a terrible time for poor mrs parker

[@kieranhair37]

@@Moocow2003 The problem isn't that she said it. The problem is she actively prompted them to make her say it by putting in a blank paper. The idea of putting in no paper at all did not occur to her, as if this blank paper wasn't going to come up in conversation. Which, come to think of it, she still could've said nothing and they just would've moved on from the game. Movie wants you to know that this baby shower is more about Cassie than the mom.

[@Moocow2003]

@@kieranhair37 yeah that was crazy she really could've just been like "im gonna go fumble with some more pepsi cans" then leave whilst they play that game if she actually wished to avoid the question

[@amonkmusic139]

Luke had a FULL physical reaction to hearing Ellen describing the plot. I did as well when I saw the movie. Love them and this episode! Much love to everyone on the O/X team and thanks for the continued content!!

[@darthsirrius]

I think they're actually implying that this movie is connected to Andrew Garfield because they're talking about his dad being off gallivanting around the world, which is something Andrew Garfield's dad does. But honestly this movie is such a mess that who the f knows LOL

[@danielizzo1166]

It was originally supposed to be in Amazing Spider-man's universe but they changed that at the last minute and just didn't bother rewriting...

[@Jamesotronart]

Madame Web saying to herself "I can change the future, I saved that pigeon!" In every situation she gets into.

[@khrisbreezy3628]

Haven't seen madame web memes, which is proof that Morbius is way better

[@TheSeventhChild]

My favourite part of The Matrix is when Morpheus said "Its Morphin time" and assembled the Megazord

[@mintyr9368]

I love experiencing a trainwreck piece of media through secondhand information without having to actually submit myself to the piece of media in question. Thank you Ellen, this was great!

[@bjchit]

You should see the Screen Rant Pitch Meeting for this train wreck too.

[@mintyr9368]

@@bjchit Well, that was the wildest 7 minutes of my life! Loved "So her powers are seeing the future and also grand theft auto?" 😂

[@bjchit]

@@mintyr9368 Mostly the grand theft auto, but yea yea yea.

[@nemoniemand9264]

I really liked this video. The contrast between manic Ellen and depressed Luke really sells the dread of being in a universe where madame web was made.

[@Skewtank]

Genuinely one of my favourite videos in a long time, sorry Luke! Actually I loved the Garfield video too, maybe I just like suffering? Nah

[@p3nguin0]

There's no way Cassie could be held responsible for the ambulance crash. That truck waited for the captain to drive there, driving full speed at what would be the end of the road into the river, and the Captain didn't look both ways at the stop sign [that wasn't there].

[@MrJuliansnow]

Ellen, just turned into Collin Robinson.

[@mattwithoutfear]

Luke's read on the "future hasn't happened yet" line is 100% analogous to Sony's Spider-Man film slate. There's a load of s*** to come but at least it's not here yet! 😂

[@kieranhair37]

Probably not to come. Kraven is still happening and Venom 3 is still happening, but supposedly they're rethinking a lot of their slate after this movie. They have to keep making movies to keep their license. But maybe they're starting to realize there's better profit in making their movies good. I mean, Sony was going off the rails back during ASM2 when they announced there would be a Sinister Six movie that didn't feature Spider-Man. At this point, we're just watching the inevitable conclusion of that spiral.

[@notoriousbmc1]

Madame Web is "The Room" levels of "So bad, I kind of have to see it".

[@TwoWholeWorms]

Ellen just _savaging_ this film by changing a small detail in practically every question so the fact becomes a lie is brilliant. xD

[@AngelBeatYunara]

The web is wide. Wait, that's Natural Six.

[@kieranhair37]

"It seems like watching this by yourself would be a really weird and unpleasant experience." Well, I wouldn't necessarily say weird.