Malfunctioning GF Appliance: "My boyfriend wants to be served his dinner"

A Redditor shares her frustration in a post about her boyfriend's expectation for her to serve him dinner. She expresses her annoyance at what she perceives as outdated gender roles and the imbalance it creates in their relationship. The post reflects her struggle with feeling undervalued and her desire for a more equitable partnership.
*Hashtags:* #RelationshipStruggles #ModernLove #GenderRoles #Partnership #EquityInRelationships

[@itsmainelyyou5541]

If he wants to be served, he can go to a restaurant. Don't forget to tip your server.

[@user-blob]

Yes! 😂😂😂

[@GwendolynPorter-w6c]

NOW I DON'T HAVE TO SAY IT! 😂😂😂😂

[@Tess-k4o]

Good one!!

[@HorseLady1109]

Great idea!

[@kerensagreen2]

She should fix her plate get her drink and sit and start eating

[@oanaion4899]

She should fix her own meal in another house away from him 😂 my cooter cat would never get wet again if a man did half the s*it the man in the first story does to OP. Sir...your "body confidence" issues cause you to underperform in bed and you have the audacity to call your lady fat 😂 sit down.

[@OGfromQueens]

And start a conversation with him WHILST eating 😃

[@Michadoo]

Absolutely

[@em7937]

Exactly!

[@erniechipdouglas9779]

I brought food to the table for him I also cooked it all I also cleaned the kitchen after he did nothing I’m so glad to say I’m out of that hellhole relationship

[@oanaion4899]

So the man in the first story has "body confidence isssues" and underperforms in bed but he wants to call HER fat. That's rich!

[@pipermcpickles5283]

It's always the damn projection with the XY's.

[@oanaion4899]

@@pipermcpickles5283 BINGO.

[@IAmTheAnswerer]

The projection is unreal!

[@fayepatrice1672]

Yep. He’s impotent and gaslighting her to make her think she’s the problem.

[@oanaion4899]

@@fayepatrice1672 bingo. I bet he has not seen his manman in a long while 🤣🤣🤣 that's why he's mad

[@Bebe.B.]

Men often use these small little power plays to subjugate women. He is testing her resolve and if she gives in, he will probably move on to larger things in their relationship. She should consider if she would want to invest more time in this manipulative guy.

[@IAmTheAnswerer]

This is exactly what is happening! She needs to leave expeditiously.

[@clvsterfvckofwhatthefvck7981]

100%

[@user-lt3yb4fm6q]

Spot on!!

[@c16621]

This is a huge red flag for NARCISSISM. This is also misogyny.

[@yakzivz1104]

You're so right!! I would have cussed him out, which is why I'm single

[@Greenplanet949]

These guys understand. They pretend they don’t. I would have to stop cooking if he’s so into his male role that he can’t put a couple of lousy plates and cutlery on the table.

[@manifest2203]

Exactly. He uses words like trad wife. He is manipulative.

[@oanaion4899]

@manifest2203 glad the lady from the 2nd story got away.

[@stefaniebraun3319]

​@@manifest2203If he wants that, he should pack his bags and start looking for someone else. Goodbye and good luck! The jerk will need it, once he joins the passport bros this time next year.

[@just1desi]

​@@manifest2203also if he's so trad why is he commiting fornication.

[@rudejunk]

Yep, I think women like this just have too much empathy. Men don't view the world the way women do, everything for them is a power play. He understands, he just wants to win.

[@Lysistrata2025]

He sees her as an unpaid cook and maid. Then goes "Why is my maid appliance not functioning? Let me kick it a few times!". Break up with him. Him mentioning Tradwife, self confidence issues, and intimidated tells me he is broken by the meanosphere.

[@ebonynaomi1085]

He is not even married to her lol 😂

[@antoinettejohnson2188]

1st story this man is useless get rid of him and get a dog. Lousy intimacy, demanding, insecure and lazy what are your getting again?

[@Br0nto5aurus]

I would stop making enough food for him at all. Single servings, I'm eating by myself, loading the dishwasher, and going to bed happy.

[@somebodycomelistentothispo7217]

They will always make sure u are unhappy because they are

[@OO9O9]

​@@somebodycomelistentothispo7217then that's when you leave

[@moonhunter9993]

yes

[@moonhunter9993]

@@somebodycomelistentothispo7217 then they must at least be hungry and unsatisfied.... or single

[@Nighthawk5015]

I would just leave. You don't need that person in your life

[@anne-vc7bg]

My parents taught me to accept such disrespect as normal... These men do have this audacity because someone taught them they could.

[@moonlight34134]

Yeah unfortunately people prefer familiarity … good or bad 😢

[@br3669]

​@@moonlight34134 Most of the time they probably believe the familiar-bad were as good as it's going to get - more than that they actually prefer it. 😢

[@Michadoo]

Yup. In my family, the kids get served first but I have definitely seen families where it's the men who eat first and get served food.

[@ahsatan74]

@@Michadoo that literally made me shiver. Eww

[@PandoraBear357]

My mother tried to. It didn't work on me. Worked on my brother though, because it benefitted him. Had all the younger sisters serving him and doing his bidding. I would literally fight him so he stopped trying to pull that ish with me by the time we were 12 and 11. My mother would try to get me to stop eating and go make him a different meal if her precious boy didn't like what we were eating. Handed him $20 every week even though it was us girls who earned it getting up early to pick produce and mind the stall at the farmer's market while he slept in and played videogames. OP's boyfriend probably had a mom like mine and that's why it's never been an issue for him.

[@yujuy.1329]

All of these women always say “oh we love each other “ and then tell us the most toxic abusive bullish

[@pigeoness22]

They are delusional. Trying to convince the whole world and themselves in that BS.

[@Tessy29k]

It's annoying when they say the relationship is perfect and then they go on to describe some nonsense the man has just done.

[@seabreeze4559]

trauma bonded

[@afriquelowery6861]

It is very hard to hear this mess all the time! Why do these women think they should be a damn servant to some man!

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

he just doesn't "get it"? Nope! He does, he just thinks he's entitled to HER service after she spent an hour cooking an elaborate meal for him!

[@joyofdance999]

Yes. Stop serving him.

[@dharma6481]

Stop dating him. This guy is trash. The “serving” him is the least of the issues.

[@oanaion4899]

​@dharma6481 this. My cooter cat would be relocating to the Sahara Dessert if I had to deal with that man...I can't have that for too long. My flabber is gasted at this lady still being attracted to him at all and complaining they don't have enough married people tango sessions 🥲 at 42 and 6'2 he's probably built like Shreck and smells like the donkey 🤢🤮

[@unicorn73212]

As far as I know they were married that's a little more complicated than just dating a man. It doesn't mean she couldn't divorce but they make it kind of complicated to do that now of days because she would have to save money in secret, file for divorce, if she has kids this can add to the situation too because she would have to go to court over custody. I left a guy like this several months ago but it still wasn't that easy because you have to live frugally and not take any bribes from strangers. Breaking up with a man is more complicated then dumping a boy in high school. Telling them to just leave is irrelevant. If it was that simple she would already be gone. So this is actually his fault men program themselves into thinking there helpless so they don't have to get off there ass and leave. If you learn how to fight, move quickly she wouldn't have to help him anymore if she got a hotel and just let him keep the apartment but in order to pull that off effectively you can't be married or have kids with them. They know this kind of relationship puts women at a disadvantage but if she followed her instinct and stopped catering to him and looked for a job instead this would be the first step but she still needs to stop being afraid of him and learn how to fight if they know your not going to put up with it eventually they will have to let her leave but it's not something that can happen overnight they find women that are poor valuable because they can build off them. Women need to be taught these things early on in a relationship not years later after it's too late to do anything about it.

[@dharma6481]

@@unicorn73212 the title says “my boyfriend”. So, not married. Probably living together. She needs to leave because how he’s behaving and speaking to her now is the best he will ever be. I agree with you that she needs to get her financial situation together first.

[@belladonnichazeyjane4887]

​@@unicorn73212It sounds like they're in the UK. She'd most likely be high priority to get council housing. Or she could get an affordable private 1 bed flat. She'd be fine.

[@Asia-yt3cg]

I can't even say that this man acts like a child having a tantrum. Because even a two year old wants to be independent and feed themselves. 🤷

[@aazhie]

It's an insult to children!

[@kaedatiger]

I remember 10-15 years ago when I was still on fb, there was this meme going around about how women make their husband's plate before the children's plate, and me being confused why these grown men are allowing their wives to make their plate for them like children. It was framed as some kind of "respect" thing which just never made sense to me. How is it respectful to treat him like a helpless baby who doesn't know how to portion his own food? The men in these stories want to be babied. I couldn't respect a man who thinks like this.

[@imabosssorta1923]

Exactly. Why would a grown adult want to be served food before their own children, let alone their wife who cooked the dang meal?

[@PandoraBear357]

I feed my kids. My husband and I get our own plates. We're both grownups who can decide for ourselves what and how much we want to eat.

[@TheePrincessBrat]

Story 2: I always clown men that act like this and they get defensive 😂. Like do you need to live in adult assisted living? Why can’t you do basic things for yourself? It’s not cute 🙄🤮

[@ahsatan74]

Nope. It’s gross

[@b1njjj95]

This would be my exact reaction too if nem ever tried this shit with me. "Is there something wrong with your hands?" "How are you [insert age here] and incapable of fixing your own plate?" 😂 Because what do you think this is, a restaurant??

[@JooLee-x3o]

It's so sad that women ask AITA for just being human and reacting normally. How could she even believe she's an asshole for that ? The fact that these clueless men have no empathy for how much work it is to cook and THEN to have to set the table and do all the serving. Jettison this man! It will only get worse if she marries him. Not a long term prospect.

[@Michadoo]

💯💯 it's crazy theyre not even married.

[@somebodycomelistentothispo7217]

It’s not normal to put up with this so women are actually dysfunctional

[@b1njjj95]

Unfortunately, there's just too much conditioning to cater and to accommodate [Redacted] behaviour at a young age. It's sad how many women need reassurance for simple being human.

[@missmadam2797]

Ladies, this is an important lesson. He KNEW he wanted to be served all along. He wasn't absent mindedly forgetting to set the table. Apply that logic to other things.

[@bgranger_842]

This reminds me of one of my mother's favourite stories about my dad. When they went on the honeymoon my dad was only carrying a supersmall suitcase so my mum asked "how will you have enough clothes?". My dad replied "well, you'll wash my clothes for me every night". My mum basically rolled out laughing and told him "go pack a bigger bag 'cause hell will freeze over before i do that" and spent the following decades telling this story to tease him in public. It was the early 80s

[@GwendolynPorter-w6c]

Mama was smart! Dad was a dufus goofus!😂😂😂😂

[@bgranger_842]

@@GwendolynPorter-w6c dad ended up with a daughter that calls him out even more frequently than mom 😂 he has gone a long way fortunately and is a good sport. He recognises he was an idi0t for expecting that but nobody had taught him otherwise

[@shanellegillespie5737]

Go mama go! Go mama go! 🎉🎉🎉

[@ahsatan74]

😂😂😂 that’s awesome

[@saggguy7]

When are adults going to stop expecting unconditional love from other adults? Unconditional love is a MOMMY’S JOB.

[@MizMorgue1]

Edit. It's a PARENT'S job

[@melimoo6656]

If my husband behaved like this, he’d be wearing his food!! I married a grown up!!

[@lolgrigio]

Straight up!! "Babe could you set the table?" "Of course, sure" DONE. I can't believe that there could be an alternative answer from someone who is your partner

[@martibee8984]

I suggest to tell any new potential partner that you can't cook, or just don't do it often. Start the relationship without any expectation for your servitude. This will weed out a lot of the men who are only looking for a new mommy. If you can't lie about not being able to cook (he already knows you can) then state that you'll only cook if you're compensated more than fairly when it's not for work/social obligations. The amount of men who disappear when they realize you're not going to cater to their every need is high. Most will still try to at least "hit" before giving up on you though, so watch out for that.

[@moonhunter9993]

I agree. Say you don't cook. Early in the relationship, if it's "your turn" to cook or invite him over for dinner: make something simple and burn it a little.... See how he reacts. If he says anything about you "not being wife material", break up with him.

[@b1njjj95]

Or don't even cook at all. When he comes over, just order in or tell him he can have leftover spaghetti from 3 days ago. If he's up and arms about you not cooking a new meal for him, dump him. 😂

[@sdc8598]

He doesn’t want to get up once in the room but doesn’t care to see how he can help set a table before sitting down! He does not love or appreciate her, if so his actions would be reciprocal.

[@templemanning6180]

This toxic behavior with food is a power play that narcissists and other controlling types use to devalue the people around them. My ex used to say he didn't want to eat what the family was proposing to make and that he would 'make something for himself'. Then when we were done cooking, he would show up and eat it anyway even though the rest of us did not prepare any for him and someone else would go without because he had eaten it. And of course he never offered to prepare anything for the rest of us.

[@MythicLife-v6j]

Yeah, my X would always tell me what I cooked was not quite right. He would sabotage what I was cooking and then didn't understand why I stopped cooking for him.

[@templemanning6180]

@@MythicLife-v6j 👿

[@shani.ninety]

@@MythicLife-v6j my ex gave me a fear of bacon because he shouted at me while I was making it not well enough apparently. I don’t like bacon n it made me feel sick cooking it I hope those everyday bacon sandwiches catch up with him 😂

[@MythicLife-v6j]

@@shani.ninety conditioning. I bet he ate all of the bacon.

[@fayepatrice1672]

Ugh my ex husband was the same. He would make up all these ridiculous rules around food. Like no leftovers, no fish that I bought at the supermarket (only fresh fish, and he was a pescatarian so he wanted fish everyday), no vegetarian meals, different mains and sides every single day, food had to be fully prepared by the time he got home at 6:00 (if it needed 5 minutes more he walked back out the door!). Every time I gave into one thing it was immediately followed by another demand and he always insulted the food, while still gobbling it down. After 2 years of this (I was young and really trying) I just stopped cooking for him altogether and he spent 5 years cooking for himself and begging me to cook for him again. He would even try to gaslight me that I imagined how difficult he was being and that stuff never happened.

[@AseRa-therealAnnaKateD]

I refused to do any of this for my ex-husband 35 years ago. That was his excuse for having a whole other relationship & multiple side pieces throughout the 5 years we were married 💯

[@MyTruthTriggersYou]

Thay make sure we have zero leverage after giving them everything than asking, "please be respectful." Their reaponse" "I'll just cheat on you." Ugh, sorry you went through that

[@AseRa-therealAnnaKateD]

Thank you. It's all good, been over it for decades. But honestly, the man should be in prison for all he did, and not just to me.

[@dawn-gk2tr]

Yours needed an excuse?

[@AseRa-therealAnnaKateD]

Only after being confronted. He was quite shameless. He left right before our third child was born. After she was born, he tricked me into thinking he would work things out, but he asked me if I would live with the other woman, too. This was after I had already rented another place I assumed he'd be helping to pay. I refused, I was so disgusted. I never took him seriously again after that and didn't even want him around our kids. He slandered me after that.

[@Timmywhimmy]

Glad you threw out the trash!

[@elenam1626]

Ow wow, even primary school kids can put food in their plates and fix a dinner....

[@shani.ninety]

Why do they think they deserve waiting on hand and foot

[@jerrit20]

This reminds me of taking my fiance, then bf to my family dinner for the first time. When it was time to eat, I went to fix my grandma a plate and then she asked me in front of everyone why I wasn't making his plate. In a non disrespectful way I said, his arms aren't broken , he can make his own lol. She was shocked 😅 My grandma is low mobility due to severe arthritis, hence why everyone chips in to make her a plate. He's an able bodied adult, I don't mind doing it sometimes if he is doing other things at home like setting the table etc. but I'm not here to serve him.

[@br3669]

This has never been an issue for him before? You can easily make sure it'll never been an issue for him again, either.

[@j.munday7913]

#1 - I kept thinking "sis this man doesn't like you" until about the 7:00 minute mark. I was wrong, he actively hates her.

[@manifest2203]

Lol cooking food is a big task. It takes much more time to cook than to serve and wash up. When a woman cooks the man should plate up and should clean up. It’s the least he could do. And that too at 42, if he is acting like this it’s funny. He uses words like trad wife. He clearly knows what he is doing. He is manipulative. Also, wmn please don’t go around saying that you show “love” by cooking for your loved ones. Most mn will make use of it, but won’t value it. They will still look at you as the ma7id. They will ask “well you said you show love by cooking, why haven’t you cooked today?” even when you are sick. They will become even more entitled (mn are already entitled enough). Just say you like to cook now and then. And please expect the partner you end up with to cook for you too. Leading with cooking is a bad idea because most mn are ungrateful beings.

[@kaedatiger]

Rather than playing those games I'd clown on his expectations. I also wouldn't date him because any man who has to be bullied to get it right is not mature enough.

[@b1njjj95]

This is why I only cook a few times a month. I always make enough food to last me several days, just because I hate how tedious cooking is. Even though I live alone, I make enough spaghetti to feed a family of 5. 😂 It's also so much harder to be motivated to cook when I live in a tiny studio basement apartment that has a kitchenette.

[@kristinapaxton9686]

I would leave before pregnancy & babies come into the picture. He will expected to be served even when the gf is 9 months pregnant and about to pop.

[@dawnettwatson9569]

I was born in the 70s. My mom told me a story from when I was a baby. She and my father were arguing. She cooked soup for dinner. He always wanted the broth in the bowl, and the “food” (chicken vegs etch) on a plate, separated. She did that. He left the house, went to the store and bought a sandwich. She ate and put the food away. He then insisted on “fresh food” the next day; and repeated the store/sandwich thing from the day before. She ate, put the food away, said nothing. Day 3, she warms up the food from the past 2 days. When he went to the store this time, he came back and she dished out the food on top of him & the sandwich. That ended that foolishness. They’ve been doing this crap forever. 🙄

[@audrablue515]

I know this is a thing, but it still surprises me how much men hate us. It truly is staggering.

[@BlackRaven000]

Ikr?! What did we ever do to them? There's something wrong with XYs.

[@Michadoo]

It doesn't surprise me anymore, sadly. I'm surprised when they actually like us.

[@b1njjj95]

What always gets me is how loud they are about their hatred for us, but then when we leave they burst into tears and act confused when we no longer want to entertain their nonsense. You don't get to berate and disrespect women and then expect them to put up with you. That's not how this works.

[@GreatOutdoorSerenity]

With the price of grocieries these days....she probably would save money just making enough food for herself with no leftovers in the fridge for him to steal.... He probably would eat fast food, frozen pizza, snacks and then complain about how much it's financially costing him ...🤦

[@BurbNBougie]

This is a great point to bring out today

[@leehalloway8787]

Then he'd complain about health complications.

[@moonhunter9993]

absolutely

[@GratitudeGriot]

Men and food always brings up for me when I was breastfeeding my daughter. her dad and i were not together but he would sometimes come to my apartment to "help". he wanted to bottle feed the baby (or just do whatever bs he wanted to do) i told him the help i needed was making me food and giving me water so i could hydrate and keep my calorie count up to produce enough milk. that was too much for him. one day i remember i cooked but by the time he got there, it was cold. I told him he could warm a plate. that dude sat there and ate cold rice instead of warming up his food 🙄 our daughter is 2 now and we live in different states. if there's traffic it can be a 4-5 hour drive for me take my daughter to visit her dad. this dude wont even offer me a glass of water after a long drive. i had to tell him to make sure he had a meal ready for our daughter. I give her breakfast before we get on the road and a snack during the trip. you would think he would know she's going to need lunch when she gets there. one day his mom cooked. this dude went into the kitchen to make our daughter a plate and was secretly shoving food in his mouth and didnt even offer me a morsel to eat. if his mom is home she always offers me something to eat and sends me home with food. Idk wtf is wrong with her son...

[@soul-deeplevel-up6179]

Why are you taking your daughter to him? How does that arrangement benefit you? Is it court mandated? He needs to meet you halfway or come the entire way for his child. You’re already doing too much and then expecting him to appreciate that. He won’t. Visitation is the least he can do since it already sounds like you’re the custodial parent. If he falls off of that then that tells you and your daughter the type of father he is. Just my two cents. Wishing you and your daughter all the best.

[@SuperMrsMar]

It shouldn't be on you to ensure he develops a relationship with his kid. That is his job. He needs to be the one coming to you or at least meeting at a park or something half way. It is not reasonable to take a 2yo 4-5 hours in a car that often. Plus all the expense on you (not just gas, but wear and tear on your car). He needs to step up, he is not doing enough.

[@moonhunter9993]

@@SuperMrsMar I agree.

[@LisaNewton1]

Idk wtf is wrong with her son or why anyone would have kids with him??? 🤔

[@JukuduB]

Now I finally realize what I love to go out to eat. It's not only trying a variety of different foods cooked by a variety of different people. I think part of the reason is I don't have to cook for anyone, I don't have to serve anyone, I don't have to clean up after anyone, and I'm fully relaxed to enjoy my meal. I started doing the majority of cooking in my family's house when I was a teenager. My mother suffered several strokes and by the age of 23, I became her full time caretaker. I was engaged and recently we split up. My fiance knew how to cook, I just hated the mess he would make when he did cook. I, of course, prepared pretty much all of the meals in our household and he enjoyed being served. I was raised to serve a man, and it really wasn't that big of a deal, until it was! I just got tired of doing it all the time. I'm better now because I'm by myself and I can't wait to go out and enjoy meals with out the thought of having to serve another human being.

[@cynthiainpublic]

They want to date their mother. Had an ex that would never eat the food I cooked unless I PHYSICALLY SERVED it to him too. Even when it was his fav meal. He would beg me to cook then never touch the leftovers (unless I reheated for him). I think these men are just man-children trying to either do power plays to feel superior or want you to mother them.

[@moonhunter9993]

Sorry, you went through that.

[@seabreeze4559]

coercive control using food

[@MythicLife-v6j]

Forget! Why do they always demand you forget and then claim if you don't you haven't forgiven if you don't forget? So, manipulative. Forgetting is a suckers bet. They assume they can do it again.

[@GwendolynPorter-w6c]

The reason I've been alone for 12 years AND IT'S GLORIOUS 😂😂😂😂 WHAT THE DOGGONE HELL!!!!!???!!

[@JoySprinkle-i1e]

I can’t imagine having someone take the time to cook elaborate meals for me and all I have to do is get our drinks and silverware out. What an entitled, unworthy piece of 💩 he is. Why is she letting him run all over her though? Stop making the meals completely or only serve yourself and see what he does when you’re eating and he doesn’t have a plate, a drink, or silverware placed in front of him like a child.

[@AmberColeman-gq1wn]

Smh. When you are afraid to be “single”- which she literally already is , you will endure things like this for years. She stated they had been dating for years- which signals to me she’s pretty much been groomed to be his servant. And is just now getting to a point of frustration with it all. He’s not going to change- & he likely will treat her as the problem. He may shine the light on other affairs to get her to “compete” for him, etc.

[@Michadoo]

He definitely won't be changing at 42. She needs to date her own age.

[@coffeelover5780]

I tell everyone from the beginning. I don't cook period if you're hungry go find some food. it's not my job to feed a grown person.

[@Hollyberrystreats]

"This has never been a thing before him in his life" Well, now it is. Set the damn table. If my niece understood that concept at 4, this 42 year old boy can too!

[@LILLYleGUIN]

If my fiance did this I would leave him. Serve him? Excuse me? Are you a medieval lord?

[@vladimirazubcekova7727]

And medieval lords paid for being served

[@BlackRaven000]

Not that medieval lords were worth serving. Those were messed up times.

[@ajwinberg]

I know a man who expects his wife to not only fix him a plate of food but expects that he is fed before everyone else including thier children. It is so toxic.

[@BurbNBougie]

I can't imagine feeding a grown man before kids. I can't imagine my husband fixing his mouth to want to be fed before his kids.

[@moonhunter9993]

That's the old patriarchal way: men first, children second. Women serve during dinner, then go eat in the kitchen, often the leftovers...

[@seabreeze4559]

he'll wonder why the kids never visit him

[@Welcomewearehere]

Something I’ve noticed about gay men is that they clean up after themselves and are organized and pretty much attention to detail with their appearance. Since it’s to attract other men for the most part. I believe all men are gay, it’s just the ones that hasn’t come out yet or ever will completely neglect themselves because they date women and only believe women should clean them up and clean up after them. They know how to do it, they simply do not feel we are worth doing it for. They just do not have any respect for us and believe our only existence is to be their little servant.

[@ArcadiaHoneyseed]

It obviously hasn’t worked out well for him because he would still be with any of the other women his life prior to her.

[@VagabondAnne]

If this were a restaurant, we would call this Front of House work vs. Back of House work, so kitchen vs. dining room, chefs vs. wait & bussing staff. It is a natural division of labor, because doing the FOH work takes away from the time and focus in the kitchen. In a family situation, it's the youngest kids who set the table. If he wants her to do whatever it is his mom did for his dad, or his mom did for him, she needs to make it clear that she is neither of those persons. Her kitchen, her rules!

[@seabreeze4559]

infantilisation is abuse too so he shouldn't ask

[@MujerAmigaMia]

Could you imagine not having to cook or serve yourself for months probably years and then act like that? 😮 He never deserved to eat any of those!!

[@traveler7929]

That man doesn’t even like her. If she stops serving him he would totally be gone.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Now is a good time for her to find out then.

[@moonhunter9993]

yes, which is why you should never even start. You'll do yourself a favor because many users will fall to the wayside.

[@KossolaxtheForesworn]

"going out for few years now" so she has been putting up with this for YEARS at this point this should have lasted a month at absolute maximum

[@bgranger_842]

This reminds my of one of my mother's favourite stories about my dad. When they went on the honeymoon my dad was only carrying a supersmall suitcase so my mum asked "how will you have enough clothes?". My dad replied "well, you'll wash my clothes for me every night". My mum basically rolled out laughing and told him "go pack a bigger bag cause hell will freeze over before i do that" and spent the following decades telling this story to tease him in public. It was the early 80s

[@jayare6804]

with that last example, there was a comment about her love being conditional because she enforced a boundary. I think that's a red flag- men will often manipulate women by saying such things, but you only owe unconditional love to your children. and women may show love through all sorts of actions and means, but if a man violates boundaries, is abusive, or dismissive, etc., should a woman just continue to love and love to her own detriment? of course not. I'm quite sure. some men think so, but that doesn't make it right. mutual respect is a must and if that is broken, then the contract is broken and terms can be renegotiated at any time. Just because something was always one way doesn't mean that it must remain. so if a man always beat you, you can never change that? That's preposterous.

[@shareetz3154]

yep, that commenter blamed the OP of the story for her BF’s manipulative behavior & glossed over the way he disrespected her. it made me even angrier than the actual story tbh.

[@attitudeproblem6462]

If I ever have to explain something that’s _already_ very simple and a man says he “doesn’t get it”, I’m dropping everything I’m holding and walking out the door. He can “reason” w/ himself from then on.✌🏾

[@susanlovesjava4961]

Does this mean if they go to a buffet or potluck he's going to starve? Or does she have to try balancing and filling two plates?

[@AmberColeman-gq1wn]

I try so hard to maintain a level of empathy for these kind of women- dealing with these insufferable men. But a part of me imagines that these same kind of women would never have that empathy for another woman. They would be quick to call a woman a “ side chick”, follow along with some man’s empty lies for the sake of being “ number one”. Married or not- they label innocent children as outside children, enable men to neglect children , etc. In fact , in my life’a experience, just being honest- many of these women like the ones who detail their intimate relationships in these Reddit stories with men, can “never get along with other women”, can’t sustain female relationships, etc.

[@sun-kissedgoddess9874]

Why is a 42 year old with a 31 year old?? Problem right there!! Screams gaslighting and manipulation 😢

[@kyliefire5008]

31 is fully grown with a fully developed brain. This guy though, like most guys, is an entitled jerk. Women need to set the tone of the relationship at the BEGINNING.

[@manifest2203]

Exactly.

[@manifest2203]

@@kyliefire5008 not all wmn are aware of ma4le nature. This woman clearly doesn’t.

[@oanaion4899]

@kyliefire5008 still a weird age gap. I am 26 and I wouldn't date a man over 30. If you were not in highschool at the same time with me I do not want you 🤣 we are different generations.

[@kyliefire5008]

@@oanaion4899 That's your personal choice, but it's not weird for full grown adults to have relationships with each other.

[@petraullmann389]

I love making elaborate meals, but if I get the feeling you feel entitled to it and no help…. mac n’ cheese it is 😈

[@tmajuru559]

Mac n cheese is still a meal...? Why would you cook for and serve someone who treated you like Story 1 AH?

[@petraullmann389]

@ no I meant, they can make Mac n’ cheese, not me

[@matthewhuszarik4173]

This woman needs to move on now he is never going to get any better.

[@Niccy26]

I would stop even plating him up and tell him the food is in the kitchen. If that's an issue, I would stop calling hime for food

[@moonhunter9993]

Just, stop cooking for him.

[@LuvsTruth-fs5nd]

These men talk about their expectations of their wives as if she is breaking a contract she agreed to follow. Which is not the case for most marriages.

[@CreativeCrisis-Art]

As an older woman (70), I grew up in a traditional midwestern family where my mother did all the cooking/cleaning/childcare/shopping/household management and served lunch, breakfast, and dinner to my father every day of her life. He was literally helpless (although he did put his own food on his plate). To hear stories of the the same crap happening in contemporary households blows my mind. Can we please just leave the woman-as-servant model in the last century and move on??

[@MelissaThompson432]

The woman should make him understand that even though you enjoy cooking, it's not something you do for fun; it's still a job. Nobody earns the privilege of eating without respecting the person who prepares the food.

[@Tessy29k]

I hope when women decide to date this year they really start looking at choosing men who cook and cook extensively and see it as a lifestyle to cook. A lot of these men literally cannot cook and do not want to learn and expect women to be cooking for them forever like babies. This guy would HATE me. He would starvee ooo😂 My hubby does majority of the cooking and he enjoys it too.

[@lemonlime2288]

Do these women know they can break up with these guys who are just their boyfriends ?

[@jessikajane4967]

Stop cooking for him & stop living with him. He'll figure out how to eat.

[@Nijah89]

The guy on the second story made food for himself anyway, so why couldn’t he put what she cooked on a plate and eat?! These men are so annoying.

[@mabel9701]

One thing is doing it for him, but him expecting, demanding and/or commanding to be served? He takes you and your labour for granted. And it’s only tobe worse with kids. Leave him! Respect and stand up for yourselves fellow women, because men’s audacity towards women will never stop.

[@CapytanCrimp]

"trad wife" red flag, get out of there

[@SarboxCGJ]

His ssa would starve. 😒

[@Holisticallycarol]

Another age gap situation where he's acting like he does not get it. Bye to that fool. You haven't been fasting, he's got a perfect young servant.

[@Holisticallycarol]

Spell correct,yikes, but he needs to be alone.

[@sarahmivbudulu826]

At this rate, I feel bad for the women who are treated like wives or girlfriend appliances. They're not appliances their are human beings, and they should be treated as such.

[@Hermellatsegay4889]

I don’t they accept it so at this point so be it. If they wanna be dumbasses and desperate let them.

[@darlenefedor1692]

Start ordering pizzas , or make yourself a frozen meal for a week or two, let him cook for him self

[@br3669]

or cook for yourself. no need to deprive herself.

[@moonhunter9993]

yes

[@TiemposDePaz]

lol the way I’d stop cooking for him!!! This wouldn’t have started. I recently went out with a guy who asked if he got home he would want a meal ready. I said, as long as you prepare a meal when I get home from work too. We didn’t even go on our first date lol. But set the precedent early! If he doesn’t like it he can find it with someone else. Women have to TRUST they will find the right guy. My current guy has bragged about his cooking and is inviting me to his house to cook for me. See if I stayed with the last guy? That would have never happened.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

The first guy.........now THAT was a TEST! The audacity of it though.

[@moonhunter9993]

I agree. Don't start doing these things. Let the users fall to the wayside.

[@b1njjj95]

This! Always establish the boundaries early on in the relationship. It saves you years of disrespect.

[@Sp4c3G195y]

S1 She needs to leave. This is a v troubling situation. So he’s belittling her because of his own insecurities (the BS of her being too big- she was at least this height when they met + he knows her ED makes her vulnerable), manipulating her by switching between love bombing (saying she’s beautiful) and saying she’s too fat, so she’s in a constant state of confusion. Also invalidating her by saying he forgets things, so she should too. I could go on but this man just wants a live in maid. He’s not even into the sex and uses excuses to not be intimate. This is not a partnership. This is simply a roommate / indentured servant situation and he occasionally cosplays ‘boyfriend’ to keep the peace.

[@lucindabreeding]

Just the other day I saw a story on Facebook. A black woman had prepared food. She was sitting at a counter or table with her husband. And the caption said when he is used to you serving him. In the video, she fixes her plate and begins eating. The man suddenly looks up, looks at his wife eating, looks at his own plate, and then gets up and leaves in disgust. There were so many black women in the comments crowing about how they always serve their husband. It really struck a nerve. I have fond memories of my childhood where we all came to the dinner table and ate family style. Everybody passed serving dishes and served themselves.

[@starojunes]

We need to start normalizing leaving men even sooner. To be called fat in a negative way as the reason to why he cant be intimate with you??? There would be no going back after that. I would leave. Theres no way I can be comfortable sleeping with a man who said that to me even if he apologizes.

[@TititoDeBologay]

"It's never been a thing for him" well he can go back to his ex then. TF!? That pan insults and belittle her while underperforming but she's proud of him for being in therapy. Yeah ok.

[@labelledujour5855]

This is why I am and always will be against leaving together with a partner without marriage, it is not practical, ladies please don’t do this, you can have a roommate, not leaving with your partner ever.

[@moonhunter9993]

it doesn't get better AFTER marriage either

[@b1njjj95]

Yup. Especially since the living together phase makes it so much harder to escape in most cases. Finding a new apartment fast is very stressful, and too many nem get so damn aggressive when they realize they will have to find a new host. Also, why would you want to live with someone that doesn't even want to talk about long term relationship goals with you? This is how you end up being a gf for 10 years raising a bunch of kids while your bf cheats.

[@GreatOutdoorSerenity]

On breakingmom..."it's all on me again..." Today Reading and thinking WHAT?? She's with a divorced dad and it sounds like she's pregnant and he's holding her responsible for their future kid's cost of daycare by working a 2nd job after working her first job and then take care of the kid at night ....when is she supposed to sleep and why is she with this guy in the first place? It sounds like a divorced dad that doesn't want any more kids and is planning on ignoring the kid before it's even born!!

[@AeriaGl0ris]

Whenever I start to think it might be nice to have someone besides a pet to come home to, these AITA vidoes remind me of why I chose to always have my own space to begin with.

[@LCL1979]

Seriously. My gawd!

[@b1njjj95]

This!

[@UGOOMERO]

GIRL STAND UP! He knows she looks better than him and he probably has ED issues. He got someone young and naive to throw psychological warfare and manipulation on.

[@sarahcover7248]

If he wants to treat her like a cheff and waitress then he should be charged as such. No way would i do all that without any support.

[@rengurenge]

He just negs her to keep her in "her place" and acts like king baby. He most likely isn't attrected to her (lack of intimacy) just keeping her around for services she provides and as young thing until (if) he finds younger that's why he doesn't want to marry her just keeps her as placeholder. What is she getting out of this relationship, why is she tolerating this?

[@iktus1818]

1. Time to go 2. I hollered

[@dawn-gk2tr]

Lay down some rules and do not ever put our cutlery , drinks etc . On the second occassion put out your own only. He does not love you because he does not care how you feel. This issue is a whole bag on its own and then we add the controlling and the abuse. Leave him . He will not i0mprove but worsen until you disappear as a person.

[@biblioholic7139]

We have got to unlearn this doing everyday tasks = showing love bs. Anything people get on a regular basis will eventually be taken for granted and then the giver will burn out and snap over the entitled attitude they accepted for years.

[@cindybeck9372]

Break up with this man. Wow.

[@dmc4426]

Tell him to go to a restaurant.

[@roguewolf128]

The great switch has been flipped! * random pagan noises * The tragic seer Cassandra will believed!

[@marysmithson8070]

Well he does the dishes he thinks that serving dinner, including the cutlery, is one item.

[@Blech-h9z]

Well, she's one up on me, HE does the dishes.

[@justaride1366]

She should tell him not to come into the room and sit down before he has set the table, and set out all the condiments. Don't serve him food until he does.

[@MizMorgue1]

I don't remember it verbatim, but I really like the comment about tradition. Just because something is traditional, doesn't make it right, it could also mean that a family has been doing something wrong for a long time.

[@queenreg7]

I’ve learned to just cook the food and let folks know it’s ready. It’s worked out well so far. Only exception is my elderly dad with mobility issues.

[@rmercedes971]

This sounds like he doesn’t really like her, but is reluctant to give up the convince of having a partner/mommy bangmaid

[@MelissaThompson432]

7:30 "I forget everything I do or say that you don't like. Why can't you?"

[@HorseLady1109]

They’re just dating. Imagine if you married him. Get out of the relationship.

[@llamababiezhellyeah]

I 31 (f) m (42) have been going out for a few years now?????👀👀👀👀👀👀????? If it's more than 2 years this 40yo is dating somebody in their 20's and we're worried about serving dinner????🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

[@tok1879]

You mean 30yo? You know how math works?

[@br3669]

​​@@tok1879 Yup. 2 years ago (minimum of "a few years") the guy was 42 years - 2 years=40 years old. She was 31 years - 2 years=29 years old. => This 40 year old was dating someone in their 20s. See how the basic arithmetic works?

[@tok1879]

@@br3669 so he would have had 1 year dating someone who was in their 20s, a twenty nine year old. So a 40yo dating a 29yo is strange to you? Are you like 14 or something?

[@llamababiezhellyeah]

@tok1879 31(thirty one)-2(two)= 29(twenty nine). 29 is twenty nine, it starts with twenty(20) and is in the twenties(20's), not the thirties(30's). You can tell that 29 belongs in the 20's place because there is a 2 in the leftmost spot in the number. I hope that helps.

[@llamababiezhellyeah]

@@tok1879 you can't subtract 2 from a single integer under zero time constraints and social pressure, and call someone else childish? I would assume you were a minor if you weren't acting like a predator.

[@bloodbuddy7]

Every day that goes by makes me dislike men more and more

[@celesteadeanes4478]

They have been together for years. And she is “serving “ . Time?