Malignant Covert Narcissist Becomes Primary Psychopath to Compensate for Collapse

[@maryvera123]

As Sam mentioned before, with the covert you don't see him coming. People would never dream how shockingly different he is behind the mask.

[@margiel2180]

My ex everybody thinks he's so nice nice nice nice nice nice but he's never there for me when I was down he didn't show up I didn't see it coming I didn't

[@israelbeard5481]

I’m going through finding out my husband is a covert narcissist after 14 yrs

[@lucyhanks500]

This reminds me of the oddest dream I had last night; I went into a toilet cubicle and found a head wrapped in plastic in the toilet with some other bits of cardboard box packaging, but when I came out I saw him pulling his cement looking mask forward like it was in elastic band mechanism, where it was attached to the remaining back park of his head. The head in the toilet don’t show a face, only the scalp part, yet for some reason the police wanted to arrest me like I’d done something wrong and I had to go on the run from his possey of women looking for a victim and using establishment to mitre out their sadism. It did look quite like a Mormon version of Fred & rose west, or the mansons, in a nightclub/pub like the London dungeon I would think it a rather strange dream which people would tell me not write about; but I’m so used to opportunists looking for a blank canvas to scribble their monstrous fantasies onto until they get a pop like a small volcano, that I’m not that worried how it sounds, because I’m sure most people know the psychologies of domestic psychological abuse to try to transfer. In simplistic terms, minus all gruesomeness, I analyse my own dream as who I think the psychology in the toilet belongs to, based on on specific traits I find irritating and feel don’t belong as a cultural norm and are corrosive and degenerate to the workplace & community… like pomposity, conceit & covert aggression for example; but then when that’s how I see you and you say that’s how you see me, then what then? Is that my head in the toilet wrapped in plastic? Surrounded by branded packaging? I think they write how they want life to be, like a remote control over a zombie and it’s always an awful tale, like saying I’m called Patric Norman Bates and get found floating in swimming pools at Michael Barrymore type parties.

[@israelbeard5481]

@@lucyhanks500damn that is a wild but very significant dream

[@queenofclovers]

​@israelbeard5481 14 years was my ex's limit too. Makes you rethink everything. Hang in there. ❤

[@sandraforber7834]

12 yrs with a malignant covert Narcissist..8yrs in recovery.. no explanation needed! ..

[@DavidBarry-kn2uk]

50 years married to one,after 2 babies the silent treatment and complete control started ,My patents wouldnt take me in so I just had a breakdown.In the 70s you had to get on with it.we hate each other and he will not go and I have no where to go.HELL

[@elainemcparland36]

35 yrs with one & discarded brutally 6 months ago… hell on earth😊

[@emrubens1103]

Also I.. was 13 years married with a covert narcisist malignant sadistic. I believe they are not humans beings.

[@rubene.3944]

Right on the money. I had to spend 30 years around a family member to realise that they exemplify all the traits of covert narcissism, but that they cover it up with false modesty and pseudo-humility. Its psychopathic. It's so pernicious and undetected that you don't realize the extent of their damaging behaviour and malignancy until it's far too late. These people are truly a great danger to social cohesion within families, relationships and to society as a whole. Thanks a lot for the explanation Sam.

[@charliefarlie2884]

It was the insidious nature of covert narcissism which was the most frightening thing when I realised what he was up to.

[@hodders9834]

When they say to you " There is something left inside you and I want it", you know you're dealing with evil.

[@uk7769]

Wow. Dios mio. That is more chilling than a Steven King book. Vigilance always.

[@emmahallard1949]

Yes!

[@PenLu155]

Evil is understatement.

[@fionahawkes1758]

A narc ex once said to me he needed my soul - does that sort of count as meaning something similar? Because that creeped me out when he said that all those years ago, I remember it well

[@hodders9834]

@fionahawkes1758 Yes that's not a normal thing to say by your ex, once you have been through this experience, the world changes forever, if you manage to survive...there are things that I don't talk about because people would think I'm crazy, and at this point, I probably am....good luck and God bless.

[@Kangaroo211]

It took me 25 years to work out my nasty mother in law was a covert malignant narc. I’ve now cut her out of my life and about to seek therapy with my husband who is in denial that he is an enabler. She has come between us and our marriage due to her enmeshment with him. It makes me feel sick 🤮

[@AsheepAtthewheel101]

Thank you very much for this! Why is all this visible and understandable to the intimate spouse and pretty well nobody else? The covert narcissist has extreme rages once a week that nobody else would believe. This person is an extreme Predator towards me but lovely in the outside world.

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel for "mask".

[@rubberbiscuit99]

It's terrifying to experience being the bad object for one of these people. Having watched my mother act as my father's bad object, I repeated the pattern and called it love.

[@gins8781]

This is very interesting. It explains a change I witnessed in someone whose behavior seemed to suddenly become malicious and sadistic. Prior to that shift they frequently lied and manipulated people, but never seemed overtly hostile and was actually rather charming. They maintained a facade of humility and decency for nearly a decade, then it seemed as if a switch had been flipped. Do individuals transition back and forth between these states depending on the social context within which they find themselves?

[@noobie64]

​@@gins8781absolutely they do, I have observed this in an employee at my workplace. T

[@SatumainenOlento]

​@@gins8781I think that the answer is yes. My sister's covert narcissist ex had the switch gone off when the son was born. After that he has been very unstable and now is in borderline mind state.

[@Lisa-ek8sb]

I'm worried that this malignancy will display in a act of extreme, possibly deadly in nature.

[@onedayatatime746]

I spent 2 years with the malignant covert narcissist. Broke free. Still studying and learning. What a harrowing experience. My eyes are opened

[@mshiker]

Happy for your freedom. It's been over 10 years and it's been a rewarding journey. Finally found my renewed me: free of childhood trauma, feeling balanced in my life. All the best to you. ❤

[@Jehucurliss2kings]

They went out from us because they were not of us. If they were of us they would have remained with us. But they went out to manifest that they did not belong to us

[@Jehucurliss2kings]

1 John 2:19

[@Langolin1998]

My Ex, to a T. This video actually triggered emotions I used to feel around him and after him, as I listened, and could immediately recall specific instances, situations, and events that fit every description you give of them! It took almost 4 years to get rid of the constant anxiety I developed while with him those three years. 3 years together….and over 6 years total, of anxiety and other distress from that entanglement. His mask began to really slip after about 6 months in. I was married for 16 years, prior to meeting this clown, and never had the type or length of recovery that was required after that three year relationship. They are horrible people! You can see the big picture of their disorder, clearly, after you’ve away and have time to heal. Wish I’d never met the monster!

[@andreatheherbalist]

This is so well done. Covert is hard for most to spot because of the grandiose victimhood, I have witnessed everything spoken about in this video. The son that lives off his mother into his forties. Not attracted to relationships, then becoming sadistic enjoying making others suffer. Can only be in a relationship with a mindless slave that will serve and worship them. They should be worshipped just because they exist and everything that is wrong with him is the world's fault. It's not his. He is so great and smart but the world cant see it so he is the biggest victim in all the world. No one can beat him in suffering even though parents supply him with all needs at all times. Woe is me! No one can grasp his suffering because his is the greatest. That is becoming an epidemic. Incels, japanese have their hermits that the parents support while they read manga s and hate real women. And on and on.

[@GustavoGarcia-hi4yq]

Im one of these people unfortunatelly

[@DoHisProphetsNoHarm]

This!!

[@SatumainenOlento]

​@@GustavoGarcia-hi4yq❤

[@SatumainenOlento]

But they DO suffer greatly...just not for the reasons that they think. But being covert narcissist is PAINFUL, they suffer greatly. Maybe that's why they are so good at making others suffer as well 🙄😬

[@fionahawkes1758]

This sounds like my 50yr old narc brother who moved in with my elderly mother after his marraige failed, he has been there a year now (my mums) shown no sign of looking for his own place & is living off her, excessive alcohol, turning up at my mums late & drunk, urinating allover in her house drunk, my mam seems to be under some sort of spell of his though, she looks drained & unhappy yet she won't tell him to leave... Its really getting to me & ruining the family in my eyes, i cant do anything about it, only my mum can, yet she won't, she seems brainwashed by him, he gets away with allsorts of lies & shitty behaviour, mum keeps making excuses for him & won't let anyone say a bad word about him 😢 whenever anyone does she shuts them down, he is like a man-child it's frustrating to see, I am thinking of moving away so I don't have to witness it nomore, at the moment I live in the same neighbourhood (pretty close to mums place)

[@SallySunshine-hs3fg]

Very very true. Was married to one, unfortunately. Get out while you can. They are insane

[@MinakSharma-i4q]

Professor, what a great video. I lived with malignant covert narc for 9 years who turned into a primary psycopath. She secretly affairs with every person who came into my life. I was going crazy with paranoia and had no idea it was her who was doing this. Literally my entire support system has been crushed. At 45 years, I need to build a new life, new friends, new work and so on. Even my twin sister doesn't believe me so even the family is gone. I will stick to the truth

[@lianepinkos6703]

So sorry to hear, I am in a similar situation. I am literally all alone, no family or friends near by due to covert psychopath. It's mind twisting and so heartbreaking.

[@SuzyBee-zs9hb]

This describes my sister exactly. Have been trying to decide if she was a covert malignant narcissist or a sociopath or a psychopath. Now I know the explanation, thank you. They are such heinous, dangerous people.

[@IloveJesus-k4i]

My sister is a covert narc I just found out like last month and I’m 39 it was very freeing

[@amathenderson7318]

When I found this video...the thumbnail/picture of the next video below it read--- "SOUL EATER" & 😅... I thought -- 😮wow ! -- How appropriate is that ! Now that's what they really are !

[@SatumainenOlento]

Wow! 😮 Yes! Accurate!

[@semperdecorus37]

The father of my child is a malignant narcissist. I have never experience so much evil. I can’t even begin to tell you what he did for decades. I don’t know if me and my son will ever recover from his abuse that got even worse after I left him.

[@Pjayysan]

Whew tell me about it. So much evil. It almost seems fake when you try to tell your story.

[@Pjayysan]

My heart goes out to you ❤

[@laceyprovost]

Me too my bd has been so evil to me and my child bc we fled for safety

[@denizivcic2255]

I suspect my ex was a covert narc. As soon as I found out about her affairs, she flipped a switch and became a cruel demon. She was lovey-dovey even the night before I exposed her.

[@nji7772]

They are the worst. COVERT So subtle and so cold/cruel. NEVER AGAIN! My mistake. Lesson learned. Let him into my life too easily. What an experience! Evil to the core.

[@nji7772]

@@elinaselene Perfectly said. They are predators. So many corrupt people in a very corrupt world.

[@JH-td4mn]

I was in a relationship with a malignant Covert Narcissist for 2 years. Harrowing. When he wanted to discard me and his mask fell off, it felt like I was in the room with a cadaver inhabited by something predatory, hateful and evil beyond description. The whole experience in retrospect was like a waking nightmare. EMDR therapy really helped dispel the fog. Over 2 years later and am so grateful for the peace and happiness I now feel. Recovery is possible to the point you are grateful for the insight into this facet of the human condition.

[@lynnienorris5776]

Monsters!

[@JessMariaDwyer]

Brilliant! Professor…you saved my life…you gave me closure…you set me free of the trauma bond. Your knowledge is incredible…the depths like no other…it brings immense healing to your viewers and followers. We appreciate your sharing with us and growing us in wisdom and discernment. God Bless You! 🙏🏼

[@cumdrippers2494]

😊😊

[@zekwilt]

Oh there 100% is malignant covert NPD. Flipped my whole world upside down and literary scrambled my brain 2 years ago when i learned more and more about who i fell in love with

[@sneak9407]

Bro got hit with that narcissistic rizz 😂. I feel for you bro, and I'm happy you never stopped learning and getting better.

[@Artister-t9r]

There is, I live with one. He's evil

[@housecreeper]

The important distinctions between every comorbid condition is very important. This whole presentation was enlightening. 10/10

[@HelenaEcheverryCuartas]

SO Many thanks to you Sam for sharing your extensive knowledge. Because of you, I have now been able to identify FULLY my experience married to a malignant covert narcissist 4 yrs. The negativistic attitude, the projections, manipulation, the auto-eroticism ! The sadism ! The transitions! Everything you explain across the menagerie of profoundly informative videos.... Finally I have clarity! It definitely is the most complex and dangerous disorders of them all. So much goes under the radar. I escaped from it yesterday, My body hurts a lot, but I'm taking your advice, and like you say, I need to keep moving forward now.

[@ambermorris9623]

Finding this channel has saved my sanity! I knew something was off but I couldn't figure it out. Now I have peace knowing I'm not crazy. I think I came across an extreme case and it has been hell! 😭 I blame myself for allowing myself to be a victim.

[@laceyprovost]

I am experiencing this exactly 💯 sad

[@KarenKeating-t2p]

You don't know what you don't know until you know it! Forgive yourself 💛 It's what you do now you do know that matters 🤗🙏✌️

[@JH-td4mn]

Don't blame yourself, Coverts can be extremely sophisticated in their deception and manipulation and I believe they also use hypnosis.

[@WernerMartin-h3r]

​@@JH-td4mn l don't think hypnosis. At the beginning (called love bombing) they mirror people to pretend to be like them to receive their trust very fast. They have not empathy, but a cold empathy to realise what people love to hear and they tell them these sentences. You think to have met a soul mate - too good to be true.

[@WernerMartin-h3r]

Trust takes time. Learn about narcissm to protect you and the people you love.

[@ShellieCordell]

Profoundly helpful. Thank you

[@thewhiterabbitrepresentative]

I had multiple experiences with nearly all kind of human predator due to a very particular context of life experience: and must say that out of all, psychopaths and covert malignant narcissists are definitely the most dangerous. Even overt malignant narcissists are pleasant in comparison with these two.

[@AsheepAtthewheel101]

Glad to finally saying my ex...but this possibly could explain she never would allow org asm with me (only on her own) and after she secured the marriage there was no more physical contact not even kissing or holding hands. There was a point for a year and a half where she was obsessed with photoshopping a picture of herself morphed into somebody else's picture..like a split merg. It was creepy and obsessive. Thank you sooo much for sharing your wisdom Sam!!!!

[@AsheepAtthewheel101]

I dont have any idea. Her magnatism was at a whole other level. Too feel sorry for her. But I believe there is a silver lining to getting out. To awaken and evolve to a higher level of understanding and to help others that are going through this as well. It's like living in the middle of a cyclone

[@c.guinevere]

Something I observed with the covert narcissist (with a lot of psychopathic qualities) that I was with was that he made actions and judgments based on his dreams...he regarded them as being the same as external stimuli. Very bizarre and at times, very scary.

[@SatumainenOlento]

Ooohhh...I know what you mean!

[@SheilaAnnPendleton]

Prof. Sam Vaknin, you were SPOT ON with this one!

[@helencastle4994]

Holy crap, this is the best descriptive explanation of a recent experience🔥 Respect for the narrative delivery Thank you, you have put so much into perspective for me.

[@Born2BeInQc]

Thanks Sam Vaknin, I'm reading and watching video since 3 years over narcissism, I'm more in search of topics about covert narcissism, I rarely find stuff that explains my ex-wife, everyone has their own version of covert narc that resumes itself as "passive-aggressive" , but this video is like the best description I have ever seen, my always victim ex-wife became a psychopath against everyone, even her own family, it is the part that shocked me after her sabotage and discard, even her own pastor couldn't explain why she was staying silent and never wanted to answer his question, why she was not cooperating in the divorce, she has discarded her own parents and siblings, flee to another country with my family name to become a "nanny"... your video even explain why the sex was so strange and so self-centred about her. At the end before the final discard, you begin to see the 2 beings, the little victim cat whom everyone in the world is against her and don't understand her greatness and the lion who even her own family fear and didn't want to wake up...in the psychopathic phase, she has no need anymore to keep her false self, because too many people begin to see through the mask...and accountability cannot exist in her world.

[@DSWH072869]

Mini is back! I was waiting for you to make a video on this topic. This is my Mother. Thank you for all your teachings.

[@johnbraun814]

Bless you Professor! I had one of these in my life. A parasite and lucky to escape with my life.

[@alejandro_vallejo_calvo]

Fascinating topic and information.

[@bradleygrant3531]

Fmd seriously thought I was crazy honestly surrounded by them

[@cristinacri8438]

My ex husband

[@MemeJustme-t8y]

Can’t wait to be able to type, “ex”. I feel there must be so much relief in that….. My divorce seems never ending.

[@mos8896]

Sadistic sums it up!

[@renatapeters3681]

Goodness. My father described here. And yes I didn’t see it coming. A lifetime, over forty years of believing he was something else. Terrifying psychopath inside. I’ve focused on trying to learn the difference between the two, from covert malignant (and cerebral too) narcissism and psychopathy. But after this video, it can be settled on both.

[@TennilleGuerraOrtiz]

This is spot on. I lived with this very particular type for two years. It was unlike anything I have ever seen. Extremely violent, sadistic and aggressive yet able to switch into quiet passive aggressive behaviors in a split second. Extremely vindictive, loves to see you humiliated and in terror. He almost killed me several times. It was like living in an insane asylum. I have seen everything and still can't believe it. Extremely dangerous. If you want any insight into what pure evil looks like I can say I have experienced it all.

[@vengifeugas9348]

Again another amazing video So amazing at how you can explain the exact things that I have experienced with my ex boyfriend He is a covert narc but he changes his state indeed

[@cinamingrl]

I think I know a malignant covert narcissist who is maybe a psychopath. I did not even know who he was, I found out his real name by accident. He was pretending he was my "lawyer". Practicing law after being disbarred and sent to prison twice. He actually has all of the traits, i can list them after knowing him.

[@Coolkid-o9l]

Thank you Sam. You described my ex exactly. I was so confused. I'm understanding better

[@Sither04]

Ahaha! Well done, Prof.Vaknin. This is a brilliant and very well done video you have made, and I applaud you for it! Truly, the malignant covert narcissist is an insidious little creature, capable of burning down everything in its path! I understand if you never see this comment, I imagine it'll blend in with the rest of the comments here praising your presentation of this material (of which praise is due, let's not beat around the bush), but I found it necessary to compliment the work done in making this video! Very well done!

[@Sither04]

I especially found your description of them as "practically insane" and "machavellianistic" to be quite accurate of the covert narcissists I have met.

[@tristalacour2492]

15:00 - 18:00 is the perfect encapsulation of the Covert Narcissist!!!

[@ThehumancatBosse]

How come I already knew this... Sam just validate this for me .. and I think there are many like me..?.. We has to know what We been through for start a new life and move on... Thank You sam for validate what Ive been through even tho I already knew it... It makes it easier.. and I know I speak for many survivors..❤🎉

[@LimitlessThinker]

You're right! I was married to one for almost 20 years. It's insanity.

[@barry_g8443]

Thank you, Sam... A truly amazing lecture.

[@KyuubiivP]

Thank you was great to hear this.

[@SejfoBecirbasic]

Covert narcissist is just an ugly narcissist 😂

[@kristygoodrich7854]

Thank you for this video

[@drmeganmurphy]

Sam, could you speak to the contagion of narcissism, how non-narcissists become infected and then spread that to others...this is something I am seeing daily in my work as a therapist and academic.

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel for "contag".

[@QCDoggies]

The sexuality explanation was nothing short of chilling.

[@TanjaFichtner]

Thanks a lot ❤ You described that, what I discover of my own. So I am not wrong. Thank you ❤

[@amandalea8156]

Wow! Informative.

[@mos8896]

I also said that my ex was not very good at being a narcissist. Now I know why…definitely a psychopath!

[@pysq8]

Would they be taken aback by an intimate partner attempting to share in their personal godlike fantasy? It seems like they find it an intrusion, like "how dare you see my false sense of self and stupid of you to indulge such a lie."

[@samvaknin]

Search the shared fantasy channel.

[@rico-eu2hh]

So many different personality disorders and then covert or not everyone is different how is anyone supposed to be clear on what disorder a person has?

[@dv8578]

This is an Amazing description of my Covert Narcissistic Spouse of 24 years! I have left several times and due to Codependency, and other reasons went back, currently gone again. How do you know all these details? Thanks so much for Clarifying this!😍

[@annamariagoldschmied2592]

Thank you. I was waiting for this too, please make a video how to handel them if no contact isn't option. ❤

[@samvaknin]

Search the playlists.

[@burcugunan6355]

I listened to your previous KZbin videos in which you mentioned Covert and Collapsed Histrionic Personality disorder. Could you please talk in more detail about these personality disorders and what kind of treatment would be effective for them? That could be very helpful. Thanks.

[@keithstewart7514]

These malignant, sadistic,ect of traits define my mothers Covert style of what SADISTICALLY CATHOLIC deep WITHIN

[@JulieGottman-yh3of]

Professor, what is the difference between covert borderline and covert narcissist, if they both have a switch into primary psychopathy? Is it that the covert Borderline has an internally “good” object?

[@samvaknin]

And is capable of loving. And many additional differences. Watch the covert borderline playlist.

[@TheLifeofRileyinSpain]

Yep my ex boyfriend

[@anicapella]

@samvaknin you mentioned in previous videos your new suggestion of a new borderline diagnosis the "covert borderline" one that is capable of borderline/secondary psychopatic/narcissistic traits, but has a good internal object that enables him/her to actually experience and give love, would you still classify this as a failed narcissist if the covert borderline has access to narcissistic defenses? Thank you for your content.

[@samvaknin]

Watch the covert borderline playlist.

[@souperheromc]

This was good

[@espectroarcoiris]

Now I understand my father´s behaviour, who married an ouvert narcisist. Nice couple. Thanks God I am out of hell now.

[@fightforwhatsright]

Exactly this.

[@Theysee1111]

I got the best of both in my partner healing led me down the rabit hole of why i attracted him in the first place which led to some lovley revelation my shitty mother. Thanks mom 😅 in all seriousness no amount of healing will ever change the void in me it was painful revelation to say the least

[@Lisa-ek8sb]

Stonewalling

[@drnirjasheth]

But never becomes normal

[@nonny6990]

Does a malignant covert narcissist start out as a covert narcissist, then the sadistic elements of the personality develop due to environmental cues that trigger it? 🤔

[@samvaknin]

No. Psychopathy is partly genetically determined.

[@itchyscratchy7167]

I'm getting ready to file for divorce from my 6 months of marraige to my narc. We never lived together and have nothing to divide. Any advice, I am new to this.

[@CH-in8dm]

Be so bloody grateful you only suffered 6 months marriage to one. Use it as a lesson learned.... success is the best revenge, get past thus then go find healthy love and make a great new life for yourself. Best wishes to you

[@basselalkhoury7697]

This is me to a T Is the primary psychopathic phase semi permanent or will I fall back to becoming a covert narcissist again

[@raven-yt8139]

It would be interesting to listen how they use language to support the sense of self esteem.

[@GuitarMatt]

This is why the Republic of California supports the Self-Esteem Institute. (And many are moving away in droves from that state)

[@verotoday3033]

Thank you professor ☀

[@VanityPlatesX]

Can you do a video on Winnicott’s theory of the transitional space and play and how it relates to the narcissist’s situation?

[@samvaknin]

Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist.

[@inkanafiji3851]

I am looking for the explanation about my mother type of abuse. everywhere, I stumble upon description of covet abuser, or a narcissist as two-faced Persona behaving in a flawless way in public and showing true evil self in private, and it doesn’t match my experience because my mother abuse was very concealed in private as well, I can’t and couldn’t put a finger on it, and I actually can’t recognise her as an abuser, I spent decades putting her on a pedestal She was very righteous, religious and oftentimes childlike, affectionate and clingy. and there was a lot of subtle suggesting or even not so subtle, that she has a special connection to god and also subtle suggestion that I might be possessed by the devil. She would make sure not to show any features that are perceived as openly bad - almost none physical abuse for example. I am not sure if narcissists or some of them need to see themselves as the most perfect source of love, so they are kind of double binded because they need to abuse at the same time so kind of manoeuvring and abuse in a way that makes them feel that they’re not doing anything that could be recognised as evil or wrong? She made sure I internalised all of the bad object and she was this perfect mommy to me, that I didn’t deserve, and i worshipped her for over 30 years. Feels really gross as well for some reason, she policed my sex life till I was 30 and I’m loosing my mind as I don’t know who is she, who have I been facing?

[@WizardKitty723]

Yup

[@rosered9200]

🎉amazing! Genius

[@Maria_Stancu]

“You can’t see them coming” ~Sam Vaknin You taught me so much. You have been my therapy. Thank you for what you do. I don’t know how I would’ve made it through without your knowledge. ❤️‍🩹

[@BL-sd2qw]

My mother.

[@Laura_Whitney]

Hi Sam, If you ever want some real life examples to talk over let me know, I have an archive that steams over 20 years.

[@clownsyndrom]

fuc*ing hell. its me

[@SehrynBelle]

I am coming out of a 50 year relationship with a covert vindictive malignant narcissist who I believe has collapsed into primary psychopathy He suffered severe social deprivation, isolation, force feeding, and rejection due to TB as a toddler. He was kept isolated in a sanatorium for an extended period of time. His mother rarely saw him but couldn’t touch him. He’s the only son of two extremely misogynistic patriarchal cultures, Chinese father and Irish mother. He was treated like a prince. Indulged. Number one son. In their home, men were served and women hovered in the kitchen waiting to refill their plates and then ate the leftovers when the men had finished. But outside the home he suffered rejection of anti Asian racism. His maternal grandfather hated Asians so the mother would sneak the children to visit her mother while her father was at work. But always with anxiety he’d come home and catch them. He didn’t know he had a half Asian grandson. At school he was called names and humiliated and shamed As a child there was a sex abuse incident with a stranger There is something seriously wrong with him. He has flipped into a very scary state. Watching back to back true murder shows. I believe to learn how to get away with murder. How to avoid leaving forensic evidence. He dug a deep grave shaped hole in our back yard. I believe it was a practice run to see how much effort and how long it takes He is at home in the wilderness and has a 4-wheel drive vehicle he frequently drives into the wilderness. He cannot contain his hatred and rage toward me. He became more enraged toward me when I kept challenging his behaviour. I believe he switched to primary psychopath when he accidentally ran over his little dog. I believe he had already switched his self identity to her once he rejected me as I continued challenging his abusive behaviour. The dog was born premature, fragile, and nearly died. Good reason to reflect himself onto her. When he killed her he lost it. It happened because he’s impatient and didn’t watch out after her properly. When our two grandsons died, he didn’t shed a tear. But he literally howled for days and days for that dog. Crying out over and over “I killed my baby” for days. I thought that was strangely extreme considering he showed little emotion for our grandchildren. But now I realise she was him and he was her. He used to go to the funerals of strangers. I believe to observe how they did grief so he could add it to his ‘persona’s’ emotional/behavioural repertoire His mother was dying of cancer and was begging for him to see her before she died. He ignored her please and went into the wilderness until she died. Im afraid he is plotting to murder me. He is a passive aggressive and vengeful. He always waits patiently then strikes whenever he think you least expect it and so enough time has passed for him to deny his retaliation was deliberate. Passive aggressive - he eg breaks my favourite item then pretends it was an accident but there is a ling time pattern of him doing the same. He doesn’t like any criticism for abusive behaviour, like my objection of him grabbing my crotch as he walks past. He is always moody and angry. He sulks and goes silent. He has stolen objects of mine and of our children’s to ‘generously gift’ to a male he admires and wants to earn admiration in return. He is charismatic to others. My mother would say “street angel house devil”. He is sweet, generous, helpful, kind, polite, friendly, and humble and shy to others. Only family and people who he has no interest in their admiration have ever seen the chink in his mask. He has jabbed at me with a knife. Picked up and gestured with heavy objects to threaten and intimidate me. He attacked our teen grandson. Knocked him to the ground and made gestures with a heavy object as if to bash in his head. My grandson was terrified and won’t trust him now. He also has a very odd laugh. It never sounds genuine. He loves to watch reality tv of people getting hurt accidentally. He laughs at them There is no joy in him. And he cannot carry on an adult conversation. I used to think he had autism and excused his lack of empathy and emotional immaturity on that. But Im sure now he is frighteningly disordered with serious psychopathy Im trying to stay out of his way. But still find myself feeling sorry for him. Doubting myself. And making excuses for him and minimising his cruelty and intimidations What do you think? Narcissist? Psychopath?

[@lianepinkos6703]

What is the difference between malignant Covert Narcissist and covert narcissistic psychopath? The narcissist i am with shows both of these ar times. Sadistic, psychopathic, victim, grandiose, blames me for everything, opertunistic. I think he is more of a narcissistic psychopath. Its mind bending.

[@hibiscus1974]

me too confused

[@kassidyrose8131]

Gross. This sounds like my mom.

[@lusherenren4222]

I finally understand what I am. So it seems professor I have no choice but to embrace my dark side or else I'll be failure for the rest of time PS: I'd like to see a video of your take on Nietzsche

[@sangeetakumari1468]

IT'S NOT A THEORY! ITS REAL!YES EYES ARE BLANK HARDLY ANY EMOTIONS IN THEM! They act as if they have split personality!One of covert and the other one comes out when they have rage they couldn't contain.They have as if they altruism when you are emotional getting validation from you-perhaps he has more disorders than being a sociopath and covert narcissist. I am with one,I have met with all sorts of narcissists,but this one is dangerously different.

[@taniaearle4457]

How do we glue the Mask on 😅

[@sneak9407]

If you are a covert Narc, sorry! You guys can't wear the mask for too long naturally. The NPD shows up, the pyschopathy shows up, you keep buffering, flickering, and switching between states which ends up failing to maintain a concrete "good image" yoy are attempting to project for Narcissistic supply. Skill issue 😂 A typical covert NPD will try to prove me wrong here, but fail all the same as it can't be learnt. However if you were an Overt NPD, you'll be rude almost all the time, so it's easier to be your naturally ruthless self. Only pulling out the Good mask quite for certain occasions (less good mask wearing = less mental toll) So instead of wearing a mask, be a POS... but we all know Covert have to act like "good" people to world... victims as they will see themselves.

[@hotrodfeguy]

This totally is a female friend of mine

[@udemgba1]

So was my biggest set back...a woman

[@annanokas7498]

Sam, would a malignant covert narcissist, that only had one relationship with a woman, after years of celibacy, would talk about her as the beloved, beautiful, sexy, intelligent he lost ? It was the only connection he had and she left him. We met last year and he seemed a very sweet guy. But I felt something was off, but I could not put my finger on. After dealing with a covert narcissist, that love bombed, I was rather confused with the nonexistent approach like this. Firts he talked a lot by message, then started to withdraw....and saying not interested in me at all....then when I agreed with disconnect...he came with the idea of we consciously meet together only for sex. After this we met 2 times and I decided to disconnect since I am not interested in connection just for sex. I notice anger lashes and the implicit subtle hate against women in his speech, I can't pretend I did not see. His very inteligent and goes on with extensive descriptions of how humans behave biologicaly, rejecting love between 2 people... He came with this last one, that women need sex to bond, contrary to men, who do not need sex to bond....He can bond without sex, but a woman will not bond with him without sex. ?! I desagreed and presented view, end up in him saying he was open to change his mind. He said: "Proove me that what I belief is wrong..." Is this my new friend, that spends most of his time alone, have anger issues and shame issues that he verbalizes having, only a traumatized boy, or there is a great possibility that I am dealing with something else? I would appreciate your input! Contrary to my last covert narcissist that would block me everywhere in a second when confronted, this person never did this, preferes talking on the phone, than messages. But can say something like: "Lets just finish this talk because I want to go to sleep. Am I beeing trigered still by what happened in my last connection, being overly caustious, because he is a nice guy that was mimic to me by the narcissist, or should I really be wary and disconnect? I am a bit lost here because I reacted in ways very similar to my ex abusive partner, towards him. Hiper vigilant and suspicious. Thank you!

[@koldburn6853]

My mother

[@ladyoy]

Miss you somehow ❤😂🎉