Mama's boys in Lisbon: Do young guys choose to stay home?

We interviewed guys in Lisbon, from younger to older generations, about the phenomenon of 'Mama's boys.' It's a topic we encountered many times in Portugal, so take it with a pinch of salt! ;)
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[@goncaloaraujo6644]

its not a choice. The rent for a 1 bedroom apartment is higher than a software engineer income

[@harryhenry3053]

Why mama's boys? Is the situation different for girls?

[@Jagm177-f9o]

Girls are more independent they need their own place to entertain men without conservative parents spying.

[@jcarlos8864]

And there comes another foreigner, trying to teach us with their huge and infinite wisdom how we should live, according to their values.

[@FooFightersNerd21]

It's a cultural and social-economic problem, imo. Portugal does not have a "Finance First" type of mindset. People are not encouraging other people to start companies, projects, or to be educated on finances/money overall, because the reality is a lot of burocracy to get small things done, a lot of time wasted, a lot of money spent, and only slight to non-existent evolution/improvement. That creates de-motivation, because things take so long to be done, in such a fast paced world we're currently living on. So, it seems that it originated a wave of apathy towards making money, and the people that do want to make money end up going to other European, Asian, American Countries where they can fulfill their needs. This might correlate to what happened next to the Economy of the Country. Portugal has "high taxes" compared to what people have as an income and house prices are through the roof, making it hard for, in this case, young men, but also women, to get their own home and be more independent. Portugal has 30% of their young-adults out of the country. Portugal does not have the best public services, etc. Trust me, I could go on and on. All this to say the following, I agree that this phenomenon is real in Portugal and it saddens me. I would really like to see more hope on Portuguese people, more independence, more productivity and I think we should all take responsability for our own actions and thoughts. However, I cannot be blind to the history of the country and how that affected families and their mental stability during generations, culminating in young men being captivated by this phenomenon, being almost afraid of stepping out of their known "bubble", tending to stay in their family house much longer, so they can be more comfortable when moving out. Anyway, really like the vid, made me think, keep up the good work! :)

[@isanike]

That was super interesting to read; thanks for that and for your sweet words!

[@annab3184]

What about the divorces and single moms? That's a great breeding ground for too-close relationships between son and mom.

[@Solrac-Siul]

Many comments appear to point solely for economic factors, but that is not fully true. I have been here for almost 18 years and noticed that there is a cultural aspect that is deep rooted. A large portion of the society due to tradition only leaves their "fatherly house", when they marry or get a steady partner, independently of money. The notion that at 18,19, 20 an individual should leave the family house has never been part of the general culture in the same manner like for example the US, where I was born. the US. I could understand that even in the end of the 90s when my father was stationed in Portugal for 3 years. Maybe as a result of that in Portugal parents and sons have, in general, a much closer relationship (it happens also in spain and italy, so in a way it is transversal to southern europe) .

[@pedroferreiradoamaral7248]

18-20 year olds are generally not expected to leave their parents' and one could hardly consider them 'mama's boys' for living with their parents. If we take a healthy average, it is unrealistic that anyone of that age can earn enough to sustain themselves while also studying, for example. The problem arises much later, let's say in your mid twenties. You did everything right, you may have a good job, probably went to uni but the cold hard reality is that staying with your parents is the ONLY viable option if you want to be able to save some money and enjoy life. I know it's easier to through around Souther-Europe clichés, but believe, as much as one loves their parents, there comes a point where the vast majority of people would simply prefer to live independently.

[@Solrac-Siul]

@@pedroferreiradoamaral7248 there is another aspect in this that I normally avoid because it creates some ... disturbance ... To be blunt in the US you can go to college, get a part time job, and make some money and sustain yourself to an extent. It is possible to do that in Portugal, but the moment you do get a regular part time job, chances are that the university performance will suffer, and unlike what happens in the US, grades and classification here are very heterogeneous. There is a very big difference between someone completing an university degree with let's say with an average of 14 or ending with 16 or 17, since when individuals apply for a job at that age often the one with the higher grades is the one hired. As such independently of familiar wealth, intellectually gifted individuals will devote a very large amount of time to their studies .I can see that in regards my kids, that apply , when compared with their cousins in the US , a huge amount of time to University in an attempt to end the degree with an average 16 or more. They simply would not have enough time to get a job that would sustain them even in the level of salaries in the US, much less in Portugal. One of them splits it's time between going to classes and then going to the national library in order to do research for the classes. when they have exams normally in frebruary and june, it is like mayhem, and I have to force them to actually eat and sleep as they apply all energy and time to studies. And I know a couple of other (local) kids, and the situation is kind of the same. University here, if taken seriously is very far from a big party .

[@Noah-yz7yx]

This video makes it seem that young portuguese people choose to live with their parents despite being adults because they value their family and specially their relationship with their mother, barely talking about the main reasons why that actually happens - low wages and really expensive cost of life (and on that matter, crazy expensive housing) 😐

[@rodrigolemos4832]

Other than what has been said, which I think is totally correct (the socio-economic problem), I think portuguese people get to establish better and deeper relationships with their parents, and I see that as a really good thing, because a lot of emotional intelligence problems people have nowadays come from a distant relationship with their family. Parents here are often also seen as friends, they're not "distant" like in other countries. Speaking for myself, I want to have independence to live with my girlfriend, but I don't want to live far away from my parents. Not because of necessity (I don't like the term "mama's boy" because it implies emotional dependence, which is a sign of immaturity and I don't think that's fair for every case), but because I really care about them and I willingly WANT them to be a part of my adult life, they're my friends. Wouldn't you want your friends to be close? Tbh I've reached a phase where I see them more like my friends than my parents, and I think that transition is super important in order for you to become an adult. Parenting is super important, but sometimes, if parents are reduced to the "functional" part of being a parent, you lose a big opportunity of establishing a better background for yourself and for your own happiness, because these people are the ones who taught you almost everything in life, and they are supposed to understand you better than anyone (except maybe your partner). Even though I think it's sad that we don't have the economic capacity to live on our own by an early age, I think living with the parents shouldn't be seen as a sign of immaturity. It really depends on the case, some people are immature, sure, but many others aren't, it really depends on the way you carry your life living at home. You can be proactive, working, helping at home and living in community, or you can be really lazy and avoid doing anything that takes work and perseverance. It's all about context and specific cases. :)

[@johnnydynamite6460]

I lived in Lisbon for 4 years. Most old people barely make ends meet with pensions too low for basic expenses for those lucky enough to already own their apartment/houses, the other struggle to make rent after a life of hard work. Their children are faced with insane real instate inflation, completely dicconnected from wages progression. The young ones can't afford their own place; and a lot of the elders couldn't make it withour the help of their stil-at-home child.. I worked wit several people who could've afforded to leave home, but if they did they couldn't afford their own own rent and to keep paying part of their parents rent, which their parents couldn't cover on their own. They're abit ashamed of still being at their parents place, and the parents are ashamed of not being able to cover rent rent but feel better that they're at least able to provide for their children, and the children would feel selfish to just leave and let their parents struggle, and feel like they're at least helping them out despte stil being at home. It's kind of embarassing for both, everyone still makes the best of it and focuses of the good side of being together while avoiding the painful side of being co-dependant, it's a bit more complex and subtle that what's portrayed in the video

[@Jagm177-f9o]

Only because of you expats. And airbnb.

[@pedroferreiradoamaral7248]

That first guy couldn't possibly be more thrilled with the 15 minutes of questionable fame he's getting.

[@Jagm177-f9o]

I'm 56 and I'm still at home lol, no financial worries, no one to drag me down, total freedom until the end inshallah! 🥳

[@DDZ516]

"MORE TIPO VUNERABLE"

[@rallealyt]

In those kind of street interview it's difficult to have a real picture because it's clear that almost everyone answears according to their biases.

[@egas99]

Hej Isa & Nike. I'm a 25 y/o Portuguese engineer living in Sweden and I have to say I find this title to be quite unfair. They stay at their parents' house until age 30/32 on average because the housing prices are incredibly high in comparison to portuguese salaries, which are one of the lowest in Europe. I like your content, though : ) Genuine interactions, open minded, different points of views and high quality footage. Why not making a special video in other Portuguese cities, like Porto, Aveiro & Coimbra. Med vänliga hälsningar, Egas 😊

[@isanike]

hey! we appreciate your input! there's so much interesting content to shoot here in Portugal, so we'll see where we end up next. 🌞

[@migueloliveira2848]

try living in Lisbon with 1000 euros and then we will talk.

[@vascofiuza5661]

She are saying, the girls have oney, and money, and money to leave the parents house earlier, in Portugal? Is that sexist?

[@dodoreact]

Nice video!

[@isanike]

thanks a lot!