MANAGE THE CONVERSATION | HOW TO DEAL WITH SOMEONE WHO TALKS TOO MUCH!

[@MisterBurtonshaw]

My late dad cracked us all up once. Dad's cousin is a very "flamboyant" ;) fellow, massively confident and about as successful as one could be in his career. Dad was brighter but not very pushy. After one encounter of the two of them, dad ended the conversation with "well, it's been nice listening to you" I don't think his cousin got it. I'm of a rather garrulous bent, so am well able to compete.

[@Chancer]

I'm going to have to use that one.

[@Olyfrun]

Mysteriousbb (I'm sorry, I can't) I just wanted to say merely having a problem does not make one a failure. You've reached out to your peers and betters to find a solution- an excellent approach.

[@bigbadbith8422]

Your dad ia a star.😊

[@MisterBurtonshaw]

@@bigbadbith8422 Sadly we lost him in 2017, damn shame, there are plenty of people I thought should 'go' first ;)

[@mysteriousbigboy6744]

Sir Ash, I Deeply Appreciate and Highly Regard your Mindfully Detailed, Sensible Perspective , yet also Gracious, Heartfelt, Respectful and Empathetic Gentleman's Approach. You have dedicated much more Time, Energy and Personal Insights for this personal matter, than I was hoping. Another Labour of Love and Dedication, as your all videos are. You deserve all the support and growth this channel can get.

[@TheChapsGuide]

It's my pleasure

[@ronaldpoppe3774]

Great advice Ash. I would say that also as this gentleman is from academia he is used to giving long lectures to a captive audience. If you don't allow others to talk you are not opening yourself up to new ideas. I think we are all guilty of this at certain times. Your advice is a good way of opening a conversation to more interactive dialogue. Very best regards Ron

[@roccotarulli2464]

Good conversation Ash, we have all been on the receiving side of a monologue but to tell you the truth on occasion I've been in control of the conversation, so your thoughts help people on both sides if we all want to be effective listeners to your words. Thank you.

[@byN91]

Excellent topic

[@johnbunton9177]

In my small circle of a half a dozen friends who meet regularly for coffee there's an unspoken rule that everybody should get his, or her, turn when it comes to speaking, and that they should leave an opportunity for others to contribute. I do make allowances for a couple of members of this group who are widowers who live alone and don't have as much opportunity for social interaction as the others in the group who have wives, significant others, and children who live nearby. Sometimes the most magnanimous thing one can do is to be a receptive and patient listener. Excellent, thoughtful advice, Ash, as always.

[@TheBlueOwl21]

I know a husband and wife who are exactly the same as this gentleman, either on their own, or as a couple, they will start relating a story, which is delivered like a lecture, they go on and on and literally do not come up for breath !

[@mysteriousbigboy6744]

In this case, the person speaking is in moderate/medium slow speed, which means they do not gasp for air, ever! So, there are not short breaks in their speech. Their next thougths are all ready to be served. 🙂 No genuine pauses exist.

[@philparkinson462]

Reflecting back is extremely useful as an individual feels understood and listened to, sometimes for the first time in their life, which can be very helpful in establishing a meaningful bond. It may also be that the gentleman in question would be very grateful for your intervention and learn positively from the experience. It may even allow him to reflect on previous interactions or relationships that may have soured and grow as a result.

[@JamesAlexander14]

Great video Ash and certainly reminds me of my time as a Customer Advisor and trainer. Other things to add, is that you can allow the steam out of the one sided conversation, because they will run out of steam and then you can respond. In between, you can use what we called verbal nods, and that is acknowledging what they say such as “Aha”, “I see”, “I understand” and so forth whilst they are speaking. This helps them know that you have listened to what they have said and then you can respond appropriately. Absolutely correct in assessing that the outpouring of conversation may have a more Psychological root to it, but the professional conversationalist can easily detect this.

[@chrisblanc663]

Anyone else find the humor that Chap ends his lecture on how to stop people from dominating a conversation by saying he enjoyed the conversation?😂😂 Obviously a video like this makes it so he has to dominate the conversation in video. (Obviously our part of the conversation is relegated to the comments section) I just thought it was funny.

[@T.hunstiger]

Excellent information. Thank you.

[@vevey75]

This resonates with me. I think there are two scenarios people who have an ego and want validation and those who are lonely and used to being the centre of attention. The old saying is relevant, in that you have two ears and one mouth for a reason.!

[@mysteriousbigboy6744]

The Old Saying is spot on! Now, regarding the fellow conversationalist, lonely and desiring to be the centre of attention do not have to be linked. They can be two different things. It is not just lonely individuals who seek the centre and exposure. Loneliness is definitely one factor. Humans have the innate need to express, some more other less. Form Introverts to Extroverts, the range is wide. Balance is key. Awareness and Understanding are necessary.

[@Nightdiver20]

Enough about me, let's talk about me

[@lynn5447]

Good stuff! Great video.

[@easily12]

I remember an episode from a popular TV 📺Series in America 🇺🇸 from the 90's, that has since been sindicated called "Fraiser"!😆 Funny show!🎭 In the episode it addressed this topic concerning a Character named "Poopi" who was a well bred, wealthy, attractive young lady from a good Family, but had poor Social intelligence and was a tireless conversation hog! One of the other Characters who had just left Poppi's presence said they felt like a Mongoose🦦being held captive by a chatty Cobra!🐍😂🤣

[@Heywood.Jablome]

I get interrupted mid sentence all the time. Imma bout start crushing tracheas. Wish i had Darth Vader silencing skills!

[@DavidHalfordsLane]

I genuinely think I attract these verbose people. I’ve been trapped on many occasions so your tactics are welcome. I think most chatterboxes are insecure.

[@mysteriousbigboy6744]

It can be a welcoming factor to them. Perhaps they (talkers) see respectful listeners as an opportunity and fertile ground, not giving the other side space to deploy , since they have so much bottled up. It takes time to know of a person. Sometimes,heavy trauma can affect people and talking and externalizing protects from depression. One way to look at it.

[@nairazone9838]

❤ great video sir

[@MikeB071]

Ultimately, he's going to have to make a decision about whether this "friendship" is even worth having. It sounds like he's not really getting very much out of these interactions other than an unending mudslide of empty blather.

[@philw4053]

Great ideas and impressively presented. Having just listened to a recording of me delivering a presentation (Teams at work) I notice that you hardly ever "umm" or "err" as you talk. Is this something you've practised, or is this just natural for you?

[@TheChapsGuide]

I am conscious of ‘umms’ and I think I do it all too often when I see a video of me talking. The key is to master your content, then you won’t need to umm, as you know what you are about to say. We generally umm, when our mind is searching for the next word.

[@philw4053]

​@TheChapsGuide I guess we are all super critical when listening to ourselves speak. Objectively, I can say that you are at the "professional" end of the spectrum- so give yourself a break 😊

[@freshpressedify]

They know what they are doing

[@StephenCowley001]

If the problem fellow is an academic, I think you need to realise that he is probably a world-expert on some special area of study, so an equal conversation on that would actually be disrespectful to him - or at least, he might see it that way. Hence, I would suggest simply changing the subject to something about which he knows little.

[@chrishoyt7548]

Ash, excessive empty talking is an issue for many today. I avoid those with no emotional intelligence. Life is too short. For good or for ill conversation is your advertisement. When you open your mouth you let men peer into your mind. Kipling Regards, Starlight

[@davidjarnot8548]

If you choose the nuclear option then if he's a decent human being he'll take it well.

[@mysteriousbigboy6744]

I am also curious about Him and us, in general, under well-intended critique. 1)Most do not like it, and can get aloof / sad/ bitter / angry, etc I obviously would prefer to not hurt his feelings and create a lasting, negative impression of his own self. He is a decent human and helps others. Whether that decency works under crtitique for the personal benefit, is unknown. 2)Other do not care and do not give a second thought what others think. 3)Few actually care to listen, reflect and learn. Sir Ash is correctly providing the most gentle and delicate approaches first.

[@davidjarnot8548]

@@mysteriousbigboy6744 I'll just clarify that if he doesn't take it well and hopefully you don't need to go down that route, doesn't mean he's not a good person. But you can be sure if he takes it well he's a good person. It's a very difficult spot to navigate.

[@mysteriousbigboy6744]

@@davidjarnot8548 You are so correct, David. There is a lot at play. As with every person, Ego and Pride play games and an important role in behaviour.

[@davidjarnot8548]

@@mysteriousbigboy6744 I wish you the best of luck with this situation hope it goes well 🤞

[@w.adammandelbaum1805]

I find that projectile vomiting on the overly talkative person often serves to allow you to express your opinion through an otherwise incessant stream of verbiage.

[@Santoshlv426]

I find engaging with domineering conversalists of this ilk patronizing and insulting as they have no respect for the opinion of others. I had a manager with this trait and engaging was impossible. Unless you're being paid to listen to this individual, my advice would be to avoid this time-waster. Salient advice from Ash, but one has to ask - is it worth the effort? What tangible value has this person espoused, really? Time is precious, spend it wisely.

[@nairazone9838]

Change the topic so other person stop for a second .

[@mysteriousbigboy6744]

Not easy to change topic, if there is very tiny window of opportunity. If they are well-read, well-versed, educated and informed, sort of moving libraries, changing subjects can have no effect as they have immediate responses.