Managing Triggers After Infidelity - Healing From Betrayal Trauma

Infidelity is an immense betrayal and takes a lot of time and work to heal. Triggers are inevitable part of the healing process. Learn tips on how to deal with triggers after infidelity from licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert.
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[@greatfulldays4502]

This is helpful. Infidelity recovery is so hard.

[@andymessman8726]

There is no sharing with my husband! He’s instantly on the defensive. I will never have reassurance or validation!!! He is not truly sorry.

[@LaurenConsul]

I'm sorry. It is truly awful to feel like the healing is one sided.

[@IPAsAndSunshine]

Hang in there. I’m in the same boat with my fiancé. She was/is a serial cheater trying to recover. We never have closure as she denies healing at every corner for me. She’s the type who will say “if you need to know anything at all come to me and I’ll tell you openly and honestly”. But 9/10 times when I approach her she immediately gets defensive and manipulates the conversation away from the topic and if I press it usually goes to how I “talk too much and everyone knows it” or I’m “trying to be her therapist”. The sad reality is some of us have just fallen in love with and started family with people who are deeply selfish and it drives us crazy. Just always know it’s not you, you deserve the truth and the disclosure if you seek it, at the level you need to know. This is a them problem, inside they are little kids who never got the attention they craved so they go get it at any cost as adults. The cost often being the hearts and mental health of people like us. It’s a relatively hopeless situation where you need to turn to yourself and find ways to be happy with open eyes to what they are capable of. Sadly they also don’t comprehend without speaking about the issue we can never have actual trust in them at any level whatsoever

[@lindamac45]

I am beginning neurofeedback to help with betrayal trauma. it's really helping friends of mine

[@LaurenConsul]

I have heard from clients that this can be super helpful!

[@eventhere2788]

It's been 21 years since D-day. For most part, we have a good marriage and I go on like normal. But there are days, never know when it'll happen but the triggers happen. Like the anniversary of Dday. We do cling to each other but I hate that it still happens. Not always but it'll creep up from time to time

[@LaurenConsul]

It's a scar. They heal, but they never go away and sometimes they ache.

[@PJHEATERMAN]

25 years for me and i still ruminate. Especially when were intimate. I have good sex with her but I'm detached inside.

[@CHICKENLIFE336]

It’s great to hear someone has actually made it with their spouse so long after it happened

[@livkye1]

It seems like such a long process, I just want to move on. I can't seem to

[@LaurenConsul]

It is a long road. Instead of looking up at how long the road ahead of you is, try to look at the path right in front of you. Each day look at what bricks you can lay to help you move the path forward, wherever it leads.

[@gregorypeck2763]

Yes, it is a long process. A process that can take more than 2 years, even with both parties working hard to recover and to work on reconciliation and restoration as well.

[@LaurenConsul]

@@gregorypeck2763 Yes, different research suggests a timeline of 2-5 years for affair recovery.

[@CHICKENLIFE336]

I would imagine most unfaithful are no good at holding it with you.

[@bittehiereinfugen7723]

Oh thank heavens! 15 months after the first D-Day and 6 months after the last D-Day (my husband of 30 years, who I now know has been a lifelong porn and sex addict) needed many months to overcome his feelings of shame and guilt and tell me everything). The last few days have been hard for us again because I was completely overwhelmed. Even though these phases lead to more emotional intimacy because my husband tries to be actively by my side, I want more control over my feelings. Thank you very much, I now understand more and already have ideas on how I can implement it.

[@LaurenConsul]

I'm so glad this was helpful!

[@Gotoworkkk]

Yikes!!! Good luck with that dumpster fire!