Can we please STOP pretending this isn't a MAJOR crisis

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The reasons marriages and relationships are falling apart, and the secret to true, holy intimacy based on the teachings of the Kabbalah and Bible.
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Rabbi Manis Friedman is a world-renowned author, counselor, lecturer and philosopher who uses ancient wisdom and modern wit to captivate audiences around the world. For bookings, please call Zalman at 800-656-5669
Produced by It's Good To Know

[@sharonelizabethna]

you are never alone. G-D is with you everywhere. to be alone without G-D is not good.

[@nomorecensoringme]

Interesting that you say He is with 'you', not "us".

[@nomorecensoringme]

Not feeling G-d's presence in your existence is a very personal thing that possibly relates to one's relationship with people.

[@nomorecensoringme]

Whether or not we feel G-d to be near us, He is. That, is the important thing. Saying you're not alone, G-d is with you everywhere ' is a kind of lip service if someone doesn't have a relationship with Him. It starts there. Besides some people need a physical presence and Divine Presence isn't as satisfying. As tangible for them. It's not a deficiency. It can be built on.

[@sharonelizabethna]

@@nomorecensoringme you are assuming a LOT. however removing myself from the subject could possibly subconscious aid in self division so moving forward i will work on that. thank you

[@Samiam5656]

G O D

[@kathleenmolo4520]

This talk has been reaffirming!I understand completely!Luckily,I had a loving marriage for 53.5 years!Definitely,we were one and kept the spark and light alive,and yes,we could disagree,but we did try to find what would make us both happy and fulfilled.

[@WingersWorldwide]

That word i am yours and you are mine is more powerful than love. A marriage produces a home, another powerful word. is there anything more powerful than let's go home?i want you and not the things you have, you have a sense of belonging. That feeling of i am where i belong coz i am home, there is never any regret. The only thing that you regret is not spending enough time at home

[@Smokillo]

that’s why I don’t feel I’m my bf’s and he’s not mine because we’ve been 3 years together and not live together and he’s 41 and lives with his dad and I’m 33 and living alone and seeing each other couple times a week idk why it’s starting to not be enough..

[@Smokillo]

Idk why living alone is just…lonely…

[@leannesampson3199]

Thank you Rabbi Friedman for your powerful teachings. Yes, the foundation of our intimate relationships have gone astray, there is nothing more powerful than really belonging - to someone, somewhere. And, as you say, this requires true intimacy and acceptance - rather than "love", which can be as fickle as good looks and money and admiration, etc - and when these fickle bases for relationships are gone people are rejected and abandoned and damaged. ♡

[@sophiekeen2703]

😅ioooo

[@user-bo8nb2mi]

Except for generalizations

[@rushiaskinnerwallace6175]

Goodness gracious - that “I am yours, you are mine” and the significance of “home” busted my heart open. Beautiful story and imagery to convey a very profound truth. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 to being where I belong, doing what I am suppose to be doing, with the person I am meant to be with. 💕

[@Lgalitz]

That's what I thought when getting married 42 years ago. Sadly I have felt alone most of this union. Guess it happens. I've learned to be happy on my own while living with a chronically depressed unhappy guy. People only change when they choose to. I've changed myself to live around what could have been so much different. And I smile and laugh everyday. That's life.

[@anthonymongelli5567]

You sound like my Wife.! We have been married 52 years as of April 17th 2023 and she feels exactly like your saying about your husband and his description by your words? Like he’s not worth the trouble anymore but that’s too cold to declare 42 years as nothing and you’re all alone now isolating yourself too ?

[@siamaklighvani3951]

I think the formula for successful marriage is to cut slack for each other , for example if you eat pizza keep one wedge for him or her and mentally do not attempted to eat it. That shows that no matter what happens to me , I care for you . That was just a pizza , but in reality means share everything with each other.

[@leandrobaluyotjr5181]

That's true ! A subtle yet meaningful experession of care and / or affection to a partner or spouse.

[@nomorecensoringme]

You don't need to 'share' "everything" 'with each other. That's too much. Share, yes. 'Everything' is not necessary, overwhelming and in a way not confident in your relationship.

[@marktravelinPI]

The scariest thing for people now days is to be dependent on other people. That is what is wrong with marriage. people who both work outside the house loose that feeling of being dependent, so they never get closer. We need to change the mindset of dependency. You can see it in the divorce rate, the couples living apart. Its easy to get a divorce when you were living with someone you didn't have to depend on for anything. People can find sex, and other forms of entertainment without a marriage. When my marriages were going good, they were going good because i depended on my wife for keeping the house and the kids safe. After she got a Job, she spent less time in the house, less time with the kids, and less time with me. So she became independent of all of those things. She started living alone even tho were were still married. I was still dependent, but she was not.

[@gothicyid]

This is a huge problem with people who live alone before they get.married. they are used to doing things on their own. Not true of people married young.

[@Wade-vo6zx]

Simple, yet so profound, this is the kind of wisdom that's missing today. Our ancestors definitely had it right.

[@nomorecensoringme]

Thank you to the "It's Good to Know" team for all you do to share Rabbi Friedman with us.

[@stevestarr6395]

Thank you Rabbi Friedman this is an important lesson that must be practiced and remembered.

[@angusseletto1511]

The 8 year old boy with the milk brought me to tears.With the boy saying i am yours.Almost heartbreaking

[@viverasschweiz]

Dear Rabbi i wish you more followers, hugs

[@yourcanadianscotsauntynanc9946]

The most loving advise you can share with your teens , before they get married

[@reflax6009]

There is a problem as parents don’t love children- same continues in generations

[@esther1914]

Sometimes ppl are near but don't have courage to step forth,

[@jennifersneegas8352]

Such powerful and true words.

[@joecartwright9221]

Thank you 😊

[@Wade-vo6zx]

Thank you Rabbi, for the wisdom. I think this advice will save me many future headaches.

[@equine2020]

Love is putting another before yourself.

[@yvettekatz6696]

Rabbi, My husband pass many years ago, but I know he is with me , thank you for you comment

[@mariebarrett7177]

My friend died at 39 I will always miss him, I've never loved anyone like I did him and I feel him around me sometimes..x

[@lizelleturgeman9717]

If you lonely then you are not connected I'm alone 10 years and it's great because I'm not alone I'm in a bestowed state❤

[@rachelross5829]

Set apart

[@whig4757]

Thank you for sharing your wisdom. It helps to give me additional strength that I would lack otherwise. My history is not such that you would expect me to be following a rabbi, so I am thankful for your willingness to share. That reminds me that, one of the things you taught me is that it is easier to go through life being thankful. Another is the distinction between love and marriage (and the view that marriage involves two individuals trying to "build something sacred")--in fact, I was searching for a particular video where you said this, so that I could share it. I re-watched this video, thinking it may be the one, but while it comes close, I don't believe this is the one. Thank you for your work! I want you to know that at least for me, it makes a difference. Much of what you say appeals to my "spiritual side"!

[@ttenger6182]

I love your summation as "building something sacred"; YES!!

[@whig4757]

@@ttenger6182 Thanks! Rabbi Friedman actually uses those exact words in another one of his videos. In fact, was looking for it so I could share it with a a friend. I would have no trouble nominating him an a candidate for the "Wisest Man On The Internet"! And he has a good sense of humor too! : )

[@nomorecensoringme]

Thank you to the sponsors of these videos.

[@garyseeseverything8615]

Rabbi you have to make More videos you are a good man

[@mirekk985]

Very good talking about marriages. And other things. Thank you.

[@oscarchavez8121]

Rav thank you for your message 🙏 shalom alechem!

[@merleisenberg309]

What powerful lessons his Rabbi give? I really enjoy every sermon thanks

[@nomorecensoringme]

That story of the child is so powerful. Thank you for sharing it Rabbi Friedman.

[@seanleech8214]

Thank you Rabbi.

[@SingleFosterDad]

so powerful so helpful thank God for you rabbi

[@barbaraweiss9398]

I have been a widow since 2010 and I would like to find someone. Yes, it is lonely.

[@pamelaleibowitz3019]

Todah Rabah Rabbi. Brilliant!

[@jeffreyrwilliams9345]

Thank you

[@patriciakuzmicz4456]

Great grand parents escaped Siberia… great shares thank you for your presence 🌸

[@nomorecensoringme]

Baruch Hashem.

[@danniculescu6475]

True and inspired

[@ngwadolvis5279]

Thank you rabbi

[@AndreasHadjithoma]

Beloved ❤️ and wise RABBI MANIS, your explanation , analysing the problems, of today's marriage, is very well analysed and explained in the perfection. The corruption in our world is spread world wide. Religion leaders, with your wistom and sophistication, are extremely rare. Thru your wise speaches you said that is a reason for every individual , to be in this world. I believe, by listening to your speeches your a messenger of God gaiding people to the right path. Many 🙏 thanks , God be with you Amen.

[@user-dy8tn3mo7c]

Very good lecture! ❤

[@Galuppi728]

Wow, absolutely fantastic. Toda Rabah!!!

[@jackfish38]

Perfectly said Rabbi ...thank you

[@Christopherurich33]

I don't mind being alone I'd rather be in good company

[@Thelittleclipstore]

Oh ye it’s better alone then around people you don’t love

[@nomorecensoringme]

Your fellow human being has little or no value? Wow.

[@mariebarrett7177]

Humor makes my world go round!

[@jacklinewaweru5959]

The Irony is that you can be married but lonely when you are incompatible mentally,emotionally,spiritually and socially....yet there are single fulfilled happy people....

[@angusseletto1511]

I love it when Rabbai Manis asked "Hamish Are you Comfortable" My name is Angus and i felt it tremendously

[@user-pr8uo4fp8v]

thank you

[@janetwunder3000]

You hit it out of the ballpark.

[@asonyutonny7635]

Watching from Uganda, I relate to the Entebbe story pretty much 👍🏾

[@susanjaneleitner7670]

Brilliant!

[@heatherlindsay4278]

What beautiful statements when they are trutful a genuine i love my heavenly king when troubles come face to face with me i turn to him asking for guidance be assured he will sort everything out for you perhaps in a round about way but with love and trust in him nothing will harm you or others you love AMEN &AMEN

[@clarametzhagopian2665]

So clear

[@MIKEDIAMONDZ]

I like the way this rabbi talks .. i feel like a dimension is missing from it 😕

[@Agape122]

Actually what he is talking about as " home" is not oposite to love, its actually unconditional authentic love. Love doesn't have to be pleasant all the time, but its excatly the feeling of belonging and of being with somebody just for the person not for anything else that he is talking about when he talks about his grandparents. If in western society there is a superficial idea about love that doesn't mean that is its actual meaning.

[@edgarmorales427]

Thank you so powerful know i see

[@endonalds]

Alone is what I definitely feel.

[@AlwaysHopeful87]

Love and time are symbiotic. Media is a big time sucker. Energy to spend time together, especially if both work, can be hard to find. Excuses? Yes. Reality? Yes.

[@paulpetersen6539]

Subtitles are good. Please speak lots of Yiddish (and other lingo) but please allow the world to learn it (from you too).

[@clarametzhagopian2665]

God bless

[@crystaljonas8246]

Thank you rabbi as always

[@robertguzman3113]

Thank you 😊 for your courage exceptionally gifted sage. The first time I listened to your wisdom & calm judgment I think you were in your home. What is the name of the picture a man leaning over a child, is this a famous artist/portrait ?

[@thomasyamaguchi6434]

excellent

[@rosalynzografos]

Yes!!!

[@rdeye-rb1pe]

Thank you rabbi, I've been married almost ten years now me and my wife we've been through hell we've had our arguments we've had our blowouts I flipped the kitchen table and had to sleep in my studio for a night, right at the end of 2022 with everything going on also got in trouble where I was working at for stomping out somebody sexually harassing me some weirdo guy caught him by the dumpster at 4 am right when he was getting in that added to the stress of why I flip my kitchen table I knew it was wrong my sons were standing there they know that I love them and I would never hurt them but they know dad's got a real dark side when it comes to people hurting him or his family you know, so I slept in my studio that night still together going strong, as I build and learn from my mistakes as well as my wife to that's what marriage is I don't marry somebody because I love them, I know somebody because I need them and I can't imagine living without that person that doesn't necessarily mean it's love, what's use another word devotion? I think that would be a better word to describe why you would marry somebody cuz you're devoted to them vice versa, mind you at the time I studios in the basement in the middle of winter 😂 no I did not get the couch I got my office chair 🤣 but I learned something I needed to learn and she is also patient with me as I hear so in regards to rabbis advice ??? Listen this is what I call one helluva mitsvah

[@nomorecensoringme]

I wish you years together not 'going through hell' since that's not great for your family, including you.

[@CUNDUNDO]

Did you have to buy a new kitchen table or did you manage to fix it ?

[@branko4138]

Some people prefer to be alone that doesn't mean we are weak or vulnerable... 🙂

[@Esther-uk7eo]

Maybe bc they don't have a car at the moment. N are stuck. But their passion is to serve and find the one to unite w.

[@nomorecensoringme]

Does 'weak' mean no solid support system?

[@elmalanmalan2175]

Doesn't mean that but at the same time GOD says is not good for Man to be alone.

[@Thelittleclipstore]

I think a healthy person doesn’t fully block off relationships. I’m very happy single but I think if the right person and right time comes I will feel ready for marriage. It’s not something I constantly feel desperate for but neither push away. It’s a hard balance to reach but reachable .

[@Carlitos1993]

😊

[@gothicyid]

Problem is many marriages of our grandparents was for money or yichus too. But you're right about not marrying for love. Love is built in a marriage you don't need it before.

[@timwhiston8279]

❤ hello community , I'm not Jewish but I love to listen to Rabbi freidman and is it ok for me to wear his merchandise _ I have ordered his book but the what is a secret jumper tickles me , peace to all ❤

[@angusseletto1511]

How about just Marrying someone because they make you feel valued,They make you feel stronger in life,They support you emotionally.Things of this nature

[@anretta]

You're marrying them for what they do for you.

[@novenaesperanza1518]

The main ingredient is God! God is your foundation..without the foundation you will fall!!

[@suenidasa6497]

Funny but true

[@888ssss]

self storage is the new family home and tick tock is the new relationship.

[@cheahjoseph7950]

And codependency is the ugly word...turn inward, into the self and have no need for another is the buzz many therapist are sending.

[@Esther-uk7eo]

I've never participate in ticktock. To me it's boredom. People need to learn to hand out e their friends and enjoy the outdoors.

[@nomorecensoringme]

If you believe that you do. I do not.

[@Esther-uk7eo]

@@nomorecensoringme believe that u do? Self storage is not fam home?

[@Anna-mc3ll]

Thank you, Rabbi! But how do I find the man I’m supposed to spend my life with? What shall I do to find him?

[@jmc8076]

I’m not Jewish so I’m not sure if this will resonate but for me and most it’s when we let go of the future and accept what is now as it is incl us. We attract what we believe we deserve and what we need. No right or wrong. Do you truly believe you deserve the kind of humans/soul you want to be with? Are there wounds or scars from the past you need to face and learn from? When we have self respect and self love, compassion etc even in an empty room then we will attract the same for a healthy compatible loving respectful bond for life. Hope this helps. PS when alone and quiet close your eyes and ask yourself am I ready to be in (fill in the type of relationship I described)? See how your body and self talk respond. When ready it will happen. Peace and health. Hope any of this helps.

[@shannonsmith297]

❤

[@victorolson5663]

7:46 How would you define Heaven? Also, how would I explain it to others?

[@nomorecensoringme]

'Heaven' is the place where all souls are before they're here.

[@shalomroitenburd2225]

It doesnt have to contradict young couples can seek love and attraction and add to thier love creating a home and belonging to each other and creating a bond . Why should it contradict ? Love gives people the power to create a home .

[@leannesampson3199]

Rabbi Friedman teaches that marriage and a true commitment to someone is about more than just "love", because "love" can be fickle - whereas a marriage and a true, intimate (lifetime) commitment to another person needs to be based on more than a fickle emotion such as love. ♡

[@ysiegel]

As he explains in other lectures, and in his book(s) - love is wonderful and important. The problem is when it becomes the ikkar, the foundation for the relationship. Love fundamentally is a selfish thing. So if that's what's driving someone's relationship, that means that they are looking for a selfish, subjective solution to a relationship, when in actuality they should be looking for a solution that involves the SPOUSE - the OTHER. That's what he means with the money analogy...it's fine to love money, and enjoy having money, and so on. It's certainly not a bad thing. It only becomes a bad thing if that's the force underlying the relationship. IOW, if love becomes a CONDITION (even subtly, subconsciously, within the person), that means the basis of the relationship is a selfish one. As opposed to someone marrying/being married to the other simply because that's who their spouse is, no matter what. True love comes as a result of THAT type of selfless relationship - you're mine no matter what happens. THAT'S the real definition of love.

[@nomorecensoringme]

Rabbi Friedman is speaking about changing one thought process for another. Yes his does contradict the other. Or vice versa. You want to hold on to that other ideology and make it work, or cram it into, what he's describing. Won't work. Where did the "love" focus start? Why is it preferable? Who started the "love is the answer" mess?

[@valariesusan52]

You KNOW i LOVE YOU tOGETHER ALONE.

[@btf1287]

I still dont understand how do you gauge it. If you cant guide yourself through how the person makes you feel, their qualities and virtues, the sensations, how to know if that person is for marriage and till death do us part.

[@cookeechoc8824]

This doesn't make sense. In the past, when women weren't allowed to sustain themselves by their own means and had no choice other than to birth and raise children, they married their men for the money and status these men could provide them with ! Clearly, they married for these so-called "things" and it was actually their parents who arranged their marriages by seeking out the most well-off men who would be willing to marry their daughters.

[@emmanelson2406]

My husband checked out on me early in life he chose other women and did it all of our lives. Now he wants to be married he is old and now wants a relationship? I can't trust him again so what do I do? I told him we are good friends.

[@geertruidalitmaath-blank5082]

Jalousy is also an issue. Some people are glad with the idea to ruin anothers marriage.

[@nomorecensoringme]

If people live as Rabbi Friedman describes,in this and other videos, 'jealousy' wouldn't be an issue.

[@brachashighhopeshomestead226]

jealousy is unavoidable in life. in all kinds of ways, like family fighting over a will, it comes with the body - we just have to learn how to deal with it.

[@nomorecensoringme]

@@brachashighhopeshomestead226 that's not true. Jealousy happens as a result of things not as a "given" because you're alive.

[@passthegravy7688]

Sigman Freud said, The husband is almost always a substitute for the beloved man who is not this man himself.

[@anthonymongelli5567]

Honey Moons end and reality takes over which is another test of Faith.! While the Rabbi is correct once we are married we are one flesh with our spouse. Being soul mates is another matter rarely does that occur without our Fathers will in Heaven having similar faith in our Father who art in Heaven helps for sure.

[@brittanyanderson325]

What I've noticed is that long term single people in their 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's become socially awkward. They end up having no one to keep them in check and the little socially awkward things they do snowball over time.

[@ThePinkPantha21]

This is true for my mom, she is in her 60s and divorced for many years. No one to hold her accountable so she destroys all relationships.

[@asclepiushermestrismegistu7489]

Thank you Rabbi. Amrica is at all levels transactional. There are no relationships without wealth and looks. Love is just a construct among Americans.

[@mimigrace7591]

Do the Jews have an understanding of the “Grace of God”? Do they believe if they ask their Heavenly Father for help to love their spouse and have intimacy in the family- that He will provide for them and give them love and an openness to intimacy? I’m just wondering. I’m Catholic- and I love listening to this guy. I think the Jews have a deep wisdom. Love from a Christian. ❤❤

[@user-fj7bj6mw4q]

Of course we believe in grace from G-d. It's called 'chein' in Hebrew. We ask G-d for 'chein' in our daily prayers.

[@lucyadams2790]

Couples don't listen to each other anymore.

[@Thelittleclipstore]

If u feel u have no impact on someone and u keep trying then it’s most probably a wrong match.. but just focus on ur own growth and the right ppl will stick around and the wrong ppl will fall away

[@janetcross5211]

This “love” discussion is interesting. Are we not discussing this subject to our experience of love as delivered by another person, when God vision of us living in marriage is not subject to our limitations? We find the love for our relationships in the love He reveals to us in our relationship with Him? God never turns His back on us so f we need more to meet a need within, are we not to turn to Him to fill us … enabling us to share? He is not subject to our limitations, but instead we choose to be subject to His limitlessness in all things, including love … Is it not meant to be a gentle & patient understanding God holds us in, rather than in some kind of competitive stand-off? Or have I picked the tone up wrong?

[@levanahbatlila859]

What does this mean to BELONG to someone? What does it mean to be MEANT for each other? And how does one know? What makes one person MEANT to be for you, and another person NOT MEANT to be for you? What makes 2 people to be MEANT for each other?

[@natman0707]

Commitment? The conscious decision of commitment to each other, to give and support even if all benefits were to be removed. When we meet a person we're ready to commit our being to.

[@nomorecensoringme]

Sounds like you're reacting to 'belong' as though it's meant like property, which it doesn't mean. 'Meant' to be together is complicated. You'd have to listen to Rabbi Friedman speak about Adam and Eve starting as "one" in heaven, then "reuniting" as a married couple. Your other questions are related to those talks about the "origin" of people .

[@helenbostock2350]

How beautiful. Now this is worrying. So true. Ha twin. Health hasoured. Straight think. That's right party ends. I was alone I found him. My true father.

[@midishh]

you can be surrounded by people and still be alone and feel lonely

[@Abolfazlification]

Please, I've given my parents enough worry. This isn't good for them.

[@daraabdullah293]

As a man when you doing well in life your wife is always Joe full and happy she will have bath and smells good every day, when a man isn't doing well having some sort of bad luck. The wife will turn to in to gypsy sits one place all day 🤞

[@susanflakes6968]

3:33...

[@jocelynbolduc2769]

Soul mate, twin flames concept.

[@sacha1259]

Always remember that which is Sacred.....

[@main2333]

I married for love. Ended after two years of marriage with nothing and or lawyer bills! I will not marry u less I have love and money especially my own!

[@garyseeseverything8615]

Tx Rudhs

[@LIVEFIT5D]

Divorce and remarriage if your first spouse was truly your spouse how is divorce and remarriage possible and or permissible

[@nomorecensoringme]

The rabbi has a few videos about it.

[@lucyadams2790]

[ paying attension ] let's look deeper...at the internal spiritual] hold on to your caps. [ The fabric of this world....I can see....welcome to my world.../of course...fine...super fine] [ let's think about water....[ Deep thoughts ] once I had a bath dripping tap....drip ..drip...drip...after some days...every time I went into my bathroom../I found that dripping tap most annoying. [ Isn't it ? Then one day I thought...I am going to catch the water out [ laughing ] so I tolerated it....after a couple of weeks...i very quietly went into my bathroom....and watched the water drops drip....then it stopped....stoped dripping...for some time I stood there.....[ Amusing ] after thirty minutes or so.../I left the bathroom closed the door...making a noise...suddenly it began to drip again [ laughing ] I was paying full attension to the water drops...they appreciated the attension. [ This super fine- this is too intense....not good for marriage ] meaning couple sometimes pick too much fault with each other, instead of excepting the warts as well....then when attension to each other, is really needed...they ignore. [ I am a spritual being....more so then the physical....some are more physical then the spiritual..//women tend to be more sensitive. Knowing this...a healthy balence can be made...respect each other...that really matters.

[@mariebarrett7177]

I'm not miserable on my own 😅