Marie-Louise von Franz on Marriage, Divorce, and the Clash of Anima and Animus

[@The_Jungian_Aion]

From a Jungian perspective, the struggles within marriage, particularly those leading to divorce, often stem from the unconscious interplay of the anima and animus - the inner feminine and masculine aspects present in each individual. When two people enter a relationship, these archetypal energies are inevitably projected onto their partner, shaping perceptions and expectations. The clash occurs when these projections remain unrecognized or unintegrated, leading to misunderstandings, resentment, and disillusionment. Instead of engaging in the inner work necessary to illuminate and integrate these hidden psychic aspects, individuals often withdraw from the relationship, mistaking external conflict for the root problem. Jungian psychology suggests that such tension and friction in relationships offer profound opportunities for growth, nurturing greater self-awareness and individuation - the process of achieving balance and wholeness through the integration of unconscious elements into consciousness. By confronting and working through the animus-anima dynamic within a marriage, both partners can grow, deepen their understanding of themselves, and experience a more authentic connection. Avoiding conflict may provide temporary relief, but the unresolved issues will inevitably resurface in future relationships, demanding the same confrontation and inner work. In my own relationships, I’ve often struggled with recognizing when my reactions were driven by unconscious projections rather than genuine issues with the other person. There were moments when the conflict felt overwhelming, and walking away seemed easier than facing the discomfort of self-examination. However, when I chose to stay and reflect, I discovered layers of myself that I had been avoiding - insecurities, unresolved fears, and expectations rooted in my past. Confronting these dynamics, though painful, brought clarity and growth that not only improved the relationship but also deepened my understanding of who I am. This inner work continues to remind me that the hardest conflicts often carry the greatest potential for transformation.

[@muzjikstb]

My gut says that many relationship conflicts (my own included) come from the difference between my anima image and the real life person I am married to. Is that what she means? Resolving the tension between the internal contrasexual image and the real life person I am in relationship with?

[@The_Jungian_Aion]

Yes, that's exactly what I mean. The anima (or animus) represents an inner, idealized image of the contrasexual that shapes our expectations and desires. When the real-life partner inevitably falls short of this internal image - as they must, being human - it creates tension and conflict. Resolving this involves recognizing that the anima is a projection of our own psyche, not a reflection of the partner's reality. The work is about withdrawing these projections, integrating the anima within ourselves, and learning to see our partner as they truly are. It’s about birthing a genuine human relationship rather than living in the grip of an archetypal one - a challenging, but profoundly meaningful, achievement in life.

[@uprightmovement]

Love is the sacred thread that weaves the fragmented into the whole, the visible into the unseen, and the mortal into the eternal. It is not merely a fleeting feeling, but a timeless journey-a quest, a rite of passage that demands everything from us. Love is the archetypal force that stirs the deepest recesses of the soul, calling us to venture into the unknown, to cross the threshold of the ordinary and enter the sacred. It is an act of creation, a holy stance, and an invitation to become. Love transcends the transient waves of anger, joy, jealousy, or grief; it is the primal pulse of creation itself. Like the rites of old, love initiates us, stripping us bare and shattering the illusions we’ve built to protect our fragile hearts. It demands that we confront the shadowed depths of our being, facing fear, longing, and vulnerability with unwavering courage. Love wounds as much as it heals, burns as much as it illuminates, yet through its trials and fires, it reveals its truest gift: the alchemy of becoming. In its crucible, we are forged into something more-unveiled, unguarded, and profoundly human. In love, we step into the sacred dance of co-creation, where two souls lay themselves bare-not to be consumed, but to forge something greater than either alone. In this reciprocal opening, vulnerability becomes the gateway to trust, and trust becomes the foundation of intimacy. Each shared truth dismantles the walls of isolation, revealing a vast and sacred space where identities evolve, merge, and are reborn. Love is the quest that begins with the self but cannot remain there; it pulls us into the sacred dance of two souls and binds us to the infinite web of meaning that stretches across time and space. But where love expands, addiction narrows. Addiction isolates, numbs, and fragments us, severing us from meaning, from each other, and from the divine. It is the shadow inversion of love-where love liberates, addiction entraps; where love integrates, addiction fractures. Addiction draws us into the abyss of despair, binding us in cycles that shrink our world and numb us to life’s sacredness. Love, in contrast, is the great opposer of addiction-the primordial antidote. It is a fire that burns away separation and rekindles the connection we lost-not only to one another but to life itself, to the sacred ground of being. To love is to dissolve the illusion of the solitary self and to remember that we are woven into the infinite. It is the existential alchemy that transforms isolation into union, wounds into wisdom, and the fracture of existence into wholeness. Love is not a conquest or a destination but an ongoing journey-a sacred mystery that calls us to transcend ourselves and restore the sacred. It binds us to one another and to the vastness of existence, a force that heals the fractures of our being and turns the wound into the womb, the ending into the beginning. It is a return to the sacred ground of being, a journey back to wholeness. In the end, love is the ultimate rite of passage. It is the hero’s journey and the eternal quest. It strips us bare, asks us to risk everything, and demands that we offer our innermost truths. Yet, in surrendering to love, we do not lose-we become. We become vessels for the divine, living reflections of a greater wholeness. Love is the force that calls us home, the sacred act that reminds us of who we are. To walk its path is to participate in the act of creation itself, to discover that love is not a thing to be possessed but a force to be lived-an eternal becoming that calls us to transcend, to co-create, and to remember.

[@emaye9786]

@@uprightmovement absolutely beautiful comment

[@The_Jungian_Aion]

Thank you. Love is the sacred alchemy that strips us bare, unites the fragmented, and transforms the wounds of existence into the wholeness of becoming.

[@ericandersen6163]

I wish I would have read this 30 years ago. I live in the Midwest where the wind is cold and the people even colder. Thank you so much for this beautiful and insightful comment.

[@uprightmovement]

@, I wish my parents had modeled and taught me this so I would have learned this earlier.

[@YugiohArizona]

Love you

[@kristine8338]

I agree.

[@iainmackenzieUK]

tell us more about anima and animus - and the clash/relationship

[@The_Jungian_Aion]

I will Iain, just have a few projects in progress to finish first.

[@iainmackenzieUK]

@@The_Jungian_Aion OK _ many thanks :)