I Told My Mother That She Did A Bad Job Raising Me, She Ran Off Crying r/Relationships

[@lilfairykiki122]

Story one: op has a right to live his life, his moms clingy and putting her own feelings over his. She needs to cut the cord and let him be, so sick of controlling parents who play the victim when their kids set reasonable boundaries.

[@kbf9644]

These overbearing parents always get the same thing wrong. 🤦🏻‍♀️ She’s correct about a young adult needing their parents. What she and all the rest get wrong is what is needed. They need you to be their rock. As they branch out on their own they need to know that no matter what you’re a text or call away. They need to know no matter what goes wrong they can call you for advice without you going ballistic. They need to know that you believe they can do it because you’ve known them their entire lives. If you don’t think they can how can they believe it themselves? In short, to be a parent, not a master. Help your kids become happy, functional adults, not hold them back by keeping them forever 5.

[@sophdog2564]

When I was at college, my mom was happy when I didn't call her every day because it meant I was doing well and growing independent

[@thedarkestkinghtstar]

I was in the military soon after high school and mom didn't like it. Not one bit. The amazing women still supported my dreams despite her fears. Poor women must've been crazy with worry but she still supported me and would only call if she didn't see us (older sister lived with her own family but that didn't end mom's worries) on Facebook for a couple days. That's how she looked out for us to calm her worries but still allowed our independence.

[@locusxe1411]

Same here. That’s going on currently actually

[@justine8387]

@@thedarkestkinghtstar exactly as parents we all have the right to our fears and anxieties. We don't have the right demand our children make their lives smaller to accommodate them.

[@lilyblue3205]

I just had to text mine once a day even if that was "I'm studying, we'll talk tomorrow"

[@tgbedini]

I just want to say, OP shouldn't be concerned about crying when finding out about his dad. After all, he's 17, and it's an enormous event. Heck, I'm 72, and I got a little misty eyed just hearing about it.

[@StaraptorEagle]

My eyes are watering too. I’m so glad his dad found him. I’m so happy for OP.

[@BenKonosky]

When he said about leaving the back pages blank and making memories, I teared up a bit too.

[@shannap.lawnerd8107]

I’m so sorry his mom didn’t share this with him when she had the opportunity. I hope he can understand that parents are just people too- we make mistakes, we have pasts, we even keep secrets sometimes, and that’s not always the best for the people around us. That said, we have feelings & get upset/embarrassed about our actions/choices too… I’m so very glad this situation turned into a great thing for OP and his (bio) parents!! His bio-dad seems like a stand up guy, and he wants to ensure OP that they will not lose contact again. OP is EXTREMELY LUCKY- he has had not 1 (one), but 2 (TWO) fathers who cared for him and wanted to be around & provide for him!! This is a rare treasure, and I wish the very best for all involved in the future. Stay safe out there, be blessed. 🤓🤘🏽💋🔮⚖️

[@Tiger54658]

story 2 has so many more updates then just the last part. I spent all night yesterday reading the whole thing and it is a rollercoaster!

[@panicattheanimationstudio5673]

First, nice 👌 The update on story one is nice but yeesh the mom demanding he call and text every day and have no love life or partying at all? He needs to set up some boundaries when he goes to college.

[@RockyGems]

Yeah, that’s a little fucked.

[@LeggoMyGekko]

It boggles my mind how parents will tell their adult children that they “aren’t allowed” to do something, and the child just, listens? Such a simple solution. “Sorry mom, you don’t get to tell me wether or not I’m doing this. I’m an adult and if I want to go, I will go. You also don’t get to tell me what kind of lifestyle to live while I’m there.” Boom. Easy. I guess if you’re financially dependent it’s a little different but if you aren’t relying on them for some kind of assistance, you literally have no obligation to do what they say. None.

[@ThemActually]

Oh my god I’m crying because of the second one. Especially the memory book part

[@fluidwolf]

The mom demanding constant communication with her and no social life or romance allowed for her son when in college as an adult is creepy and possessive to me. They are an adult, they can socialize and form romantic bonds if they wish and they don't need to be joined at the hip to you. Let them go and live their own life

[@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon]

Story two is what I wished would happen when I found my bio dad online at 16... but it didn't exactly play out the same way. He lived across the country, but was deployed for a good while, so we never even got to meet in person before he died suddenly a couple of years back. We were planning to meet when either he and his wife or me and my husband could afford the trip, but... all I'm left with are regrets, a few mementos his wife sent me, and anger at myself for not making the effort to reach out more and get to know each other better. I wanted a real father-daughter relationship, one where I knew that he appreciated me as a person, mb even loved me... but it was just so awkward that neither of us really tried. We thought we'd get to know each other when we met up. But that didn't get to happen, and now all I have is heartache and a lot of aching, bitter regret. I envy OP so, so, so much.

[@ChaoticNalilitoMC]

My mom tends to be very emotional and tends to guilt trip (unintentionally, she's kinda...oblivious? to how expressing her hurt feelings sometimes can come off). When I went off to college in FL, living on my own foe the first time, my mom had to stay for an extra week to help cope with the reality that I was growing up and going to college. Yes it was a bit overbearing and annoying, but we all know how she is.

[@ladyv5655]

Your mother can be how she is, but it doesn't mean you have to make it your problem.

[@ingloriousbetch4302]

she's likely far less."oblivious" than you think. it's one of the oldest manipulation tactics.

[@ChaoticNalilitoMC]

@@ingloriousbetch4302 I understand that it would definitely seem like that hut she really is. She's actually a bit of a Kevina. She once asked if Jurassic Park was a real place we could take my nephew when we were watching Jurassic World and got confused when we explained it was fake and how the dinosaurs in the movie weren't real

[@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon]

@@ChaoticNalilitoMC Omg, that's golden. Quality memories, right there 😂

[@kristinwiebold2433]

OP, your not a crybaby at all. You just had a ton of information suddenly dumped on you and anyone would get emotionally overwhelmed. It is good to cry because it lowers your stress level and makes your body feel better after. if he looks down on you for that then he is a huge AH.

[@jusaminit]

💕 I love all the happy stories of late Markee, thank you. 🤙🤙🤙

[@melvinyoung3474]

In a post post you had mentioned mentioned Menlo illnesses. My entire life I battled mental health issues that were not diagnosed until my late 30s( iam

[@ladyv5655]

Adult or nearly adult children have the right to be critical of how they were parented. OP should not apologize to his mother as it sets a bad precedent. Then she will be able to tell herself and others that he didn't really mean it and won't rethink her parenting.

[@mariecole9948]

I’m like the sister in the 1st story. I have 3 younger siblings that I pretty much raised. They consider me their mom more than our mom because I’m the one they can turn to for the stuff you would usually go to your mom for. I was only 13 when the 1st of them born and 17 when the youngest was born. I spent my teenage years taking care of babies and toddlers. Now my mom wonders why I don’t want kids, I’m 36 now and don’t plan on having any for multiple reasons but one of the reasons is that I feel like I already raised 3 kids.

[@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon]

Lol I've said the same thing so many times! "I already raised 3, I don't need to do that again and this time with the financial obligation too!" Of course, once I learned I couldn't have kids, I wanted one. Go figure 🙄

[@68jroche]

Bio dad: If he's a lawyer, some nice cufflinks will always be welcome.

[@lanuit1978]

I've heard the last story before...OP gets to spend time together, dad loves the album but little bro is not having it and causes issues

[@stephaniewithrow4685]

Love the last one

[@frst78]

My adult daughter just told us we were terrible parents. We never over protected, never had wacky rules, respected them and expected respect back, gave them everything and more they needed but they had to earn their own money for cars and whatnot which they never had issues with, we always always always went out of our way for their happiness and safety, indulged their hobbies and whims, laughed more than yelled, attended every game, recital, pageant, play, etc., as they got older we respected their privacy (including sexual affiliation) and any religious beliefs, I'm a gourmet cook and photographer so they benefited greatly from both skills, and have offered to pay for anything they need as adults within reason. All their friends have grown up and have weirdly become our friends now because we're the "cool parents" (not our words) and we're fine with that I guess but try not to overstep the original friendships with our kids. My adult sons adore us and are beyond grateful for everything. My daughter, whom we probably favored a bit more as a girl, now isn't speaking to us. Literally no idea why. I think sometimes you just accidentally raise a toxic asshole despite your best efforts at raising an adult lol.

[@shannap.lawnerd8107]

Just that one phrase, “laughed more than yelled”, tells me how you parented… and BRAVO. 👏🏽💪🏽💗. I wish so much that I would have had a mother who lived by this ideology!! I had to move out when I was 14yrs old… When my parents split, 9yrs old, I raised/cared for my brother until I started refusing around age 12-13yrs… Mother tried to lock me down… after being forced (+10x) into leaving (“Pack ur sh*t & get the f outta MY HOUSE!!”), then reported as a “runaway” , which at that time flagged me in the system as a “juvenile delinquent”, subsequently placed on juvenile probation… which made parents probation officers (with a liaison at adult probation), incarcerated by her request… I was lucky to get out… but all that showed me how to NOT parent. Keep being amazing, keep loving her through the misplaced anger- she’ll come around, I just hope it’s sooner than later. Stay safe out there, be blessed. 🤓🤘🏽💋🔮⚖️

[@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon]

Maybe your daughter is being swayed by some nonsense pop culture armchair psychology that things you did as a good parent (like set boundaries) are "toxic" and "abusive". Those terms are thrown around pretty carelessly these days, so maybe she's being influenced in that direction. Kids of any age also tend to have a very different perspective of parenting behaviors than the parents themselves, because they lack the context of the other choices available and the decisions the parents had to make, any financial/emotional/mental/relationship stressors affecting things at the time, etc. They only know what was, and that can lead to some misplaced feelings until they gain the wider context. That's my armchair behavioral psychology two cents 😆

[@KrittersCorner56]

First story. Go ahead and set boundries NOW!!!!!!!!!!! Start reinforcing them cause if you don't do it now then you never will.

[@alg94]

story 1: op needs to drop the "rules" his parents gave him. u of waterloo and their neighbour school laurier are known in ontario for their parties. and speaking from personal experience, they're a ton of fun. its like half of the uni experience up there.

[@Yusei1Fudo]

If you go to story 2's post history, his story is nuts and was depressing for a while.

[@Dohyden2]

I'm sorry, "text every morning and call every night"? uuhhh screw that.

[@kat1722]

For the bio dad, I’d get him a new dad mug

[@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon]

Hah! That's genius!

[@Faith12996]

My dad basically said the same thing when I moved across country to go to college. Of course I rolled my eyes at it in the moment but I did call him almost every day even if just for 5 minutes. I continue to do so with him, my mom and one of my sisters. And my aunt that had a hand in raising me I try to call at least once a week. It's not that crazy of an ask and not that hard to do.

[@HackiePuffs]

It isn’t hard but to demand that you do something nice really makes it less of a nice thing and more of a burden

[@TheBigChubbyBunny]

First story he's allowed to have girlfriend

[@nightdweller6446]

The Markee pop up commentary is an interesting view point.

[@laiminhmabulay7529]

i think every asian could relate to the first story.

[@renaeodonnell4558]

Story 1: no girlfriends…. Dates boys instead 😂😂😂

[@pandamoniumtwo21]

I'm not sure if this has been asked or not. But how come we don't get Markee face cam at the start anymore? 😔 Hope everything is okay.

[@IForgetWorlds]

Early! Have a great day!

[@freedomlindsay3084]

2nd never been this fast ever

[@MorganVsTheInternet]

1- ESH except for Ari and her husband. My older brother raised me, and he was miles better than our bio dad, but OP shouldn’t have lashed out at his mom, and the parents need to let OP make his own choices and start learning how to adult.

[@judiththoren6176]

S1 HARSH OP, Mom's are closer to sons vs. Daughter you should have chosen a better way to say you want to grow up and give it a try. As a mother, I would have been incredibly hurt, let you go and struggled alone with my hurt.

[@divine6867]

you should treat your kids equally.

[@HackiePuffs]

Oh YOUD be hurt by your kids calling you out on how you mentally affected them freaking deal with it

[@allie773]

You would deserve it, for treating your kids differently and messing them up. Sick and vile woman