The Simple Secret to Attract Good Men (and how to avoid the bad ones)

It doesn't have to be HARD to attract great guys! Watch this video for a simple shift that will help you draw in the men you're worthy of and filter out the sketchy ones!
→ Get my FREE magnetic love affirmations training: bit.ly/42As5TF
How do I attract good men? Why do I always attract manipulators? Why is meeting men so hard?
I get asked questions like these ALL THE TIME by clients, students and women in my life... so I created a video that goes deep into why some traditional dating strategies actually set you up to fail and a great new mindset that will help you be irresistible to the men you want :)
If you want more support in creating the life and love of your dreams, this is how I can help you ❤️ 👇
👉 I send 1-2 POWERFUL weekly emails filled with deep insights on men, relationship and stepping into your power - (this will also give you first access to all my new programs and courses! You can sign up here (don't worry I''ll never spam you!) → bit.ly/4btQ8Yh
👉 If you want a DEEP DIVE into your love life and the maximum level of personal support me from in your relationships, I work with a select group of women as a 1-on-1 coach. I am not currently accepting new clients, but you can apply to join my VIP client waitlist and I will email you as soon as new spots open up! Apply here → bit.ly/4byESdm
Let's Stay Connected!
→ SUBSCRIBE HERE - bit.ly/2Y0SpEp - for new videos every week! Hit the little bell to get notified when I post :)
→ INSTAGRAM - / matshaffer
→ FACEBOOK (follow don't friend!) - IamMatShaffer
• The Simple Secret to A...

[@Singinbluebird]

This advice is if his energy is coming "towards" you alot. If the guy is cold, nonchalant, breadcrumbing, and ghosting you, please do not follow this rule ladies!! Have strong boundaries, and leave is he is not initiating, moving things forward or leaving you hanging. Yes initiate and connect once in a while but only with men that have shown immense level of interest, been consistent, and pursuing. If not, leave. I wish Matt emphasized this more. As Helena says it is space and warmth that draws men in, not leaning forward. Addrienne emphasises feeling statement and fem energy IS leaning back. Many men want to be pursued but those are more beta softer males. If hes masculine and a bit more alpha, he will prefer being the pursued, giver, and initiator. Regardless, leaning back and observing is very feminine. I do not think leaning forward is good, but leaning during the connection is good. ❤❤❤

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Yep this video is focusing on the initial stages of the attraction/connection and dating with men, it's not meant to be a sustained pattern for relationship or a sustained response if a man keeps letting you down - of course if a man is being consistently inconsistent you want to walk away :) --> kzbin.info/www/bejne/fKu7n3tjqrh4o68

[@patriciajoyce9581]

Hi how are you doing am Alexander please can I know you thanks

[@nishali9549]

so true dont follow rules if some one ghosted u

[@T333TN]

Oh my GOSH! Haven't finished the video yet but the 1st point about "leaning back" is TRUE! I've always been shy, and preferred "confident" men that approach first -- but all I got were manipulators, narcissists and abusers that ABSOLUTELY did not respect me or my boundaries! :'( that's why i am here

[@sandrawilliams3666]

I know of this man who can help you out

[@sandrawilliams3666]

Whats-app him

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I promise there are good guys out there my dear!

[@nathlete87]

May! This is such a great video. I was “leaning back” in every way with men and 3 different men told me that I seemed like I wasn’t interested. That I’m so fun on dates and engaging, then I just kind of disappear and never make contact. They were feeling like I was just using them for dates!!! It was some of the best feedback I’ve ever received and now I’m working on initiating based on how I feel and with positivity. I have a very anxious attachment style, so when I like a man I create all kinds of stories about how he’s going to reject me, but so far so good. These men that told me this are great, masculine men that always take the lead, but they were feeling undervalued and unappreciated all because I was off an island just waiting, leaning back in my ivory tower. Ok, that’s enough, but thank you for this video!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Great share thanks so much my dear!! It’s so powerful to just SHOW UP powerfully as your true self and allow a man to see and be drawn to who you truly are 🤗🤗❤️

[@sandrawilliams3666]

I know of this powerful man who can help you out if you need help

[@sandrawilliams3666]

Whatsapp him 🙏🏼

[@abbymay514]

Every time I have "leaned forward" in a high value way, they mention a wife or a significant other.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

perfect that helps you filter them out nice and quickly!

[@Zwillinge26]

God... same for me

[@a.h.2667]

A couple of weeks ago I took a chance a messaged a guy first and we're already planning our third date this weekend. I'd probably still be frustrated or ready to quit online dating if I had not tried to initiate a conversation with at least one guy.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Good for you initiating!! Look at how beautifully it worked out 🙌🙌🙌

[@tk_erickson]

Mat you are so right! I was leaning back and only being approached and pursued by aggressive men. I’m taking your advice and it’s working :-) thanks

[@vanessamartinsdesouza1718]

Me,too.Only bad guys pursue me .

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Exactly you got it Teresa Erickson!

[@lizzyloca4439]

@@vanessamartinsdesouza1718 Yes we hate to admit that we can attract predators when we lean back but at the same time we truely want ambitious Men

[@Musicismylove888]

Gosh I think people need to just let go and let things happen instead of over thinking everything and using too many heady strategies. I live by Let Go and Let God and the rest will take care of itself. Maybe that's why I never had a problem meeting men because I've never leaned back ever. I love being grounded in my worth and my values because men can tell I'm someone to be respected. Thank you for another amazing video.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

BOOM love this share! you are living proof that this anti-strategy way of BEing WORKS haha ... so happy for you :)

[@marciebaker9816]

Or die waiting

[@KGala-yw5lk]

Thanks for covering this “lean back” topic from another perspective! “Leaning back” has been something I struggle with sooooo much.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

wonderful so glad you enjoyed It!! whats your main struggle with it??

[@KGala-yw5lk]

Mat Shaffer I think that leaning forward can actually be us in our feminine as well. It’s not the actions women take with men or Vice versa, it’s the place those actions are coming from. If leaning forward is NOT coming from a place of fear/ outcome based, but a place of loving warmth and playful curiosity, I think it’s completely safe to do. (Basically paraphrasing what you’ve said as well). 🙏 Many relationship gurus who advocate “leaning back” make it seem as though “ leaning forward” will kill your chances of being pursued (outcome based conclusion). But if you’re an elevated being who is self sourcing your own love, it really doesn’t matter what you do, because the divine masculine or divine feminine person you would truly enjoy having in your life will be magnetized you anyways.

[@vanessamartinsdesouza1718]

@@KGala-yw5lk Agreed.

[@maggiewanjiru2807]

Hi Matt, Thank you as always and remember, You are a great guy besides quality coaching!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Aww so sweet Maggie thank you!!

[@ln8896]

Mat this is outstanding!!! It is extremely true too!!! I started doing this early last month and it's seriously the very bestttt!!! You clarified that what I'm doing it OK and gave me more methods to go about this boldness as a female!!! I thank you❤

[@Mat_Shaffer]

YESSS love this share Lisa!! so happy for you!!

[@amylawrence7356]

Your words hit the most, thanks Matt! Keep up what you’re doing for us! If I do the same things, I’ll get the same results!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you!

[@vanessamartinsdesouza1718]

I DO agree with you. Not always is a good way leaning back ,considering men can be scared of rejection and insecure,especially when they have feelings for a woman.And good men can usually feel like that.Bad guys usually not feel insecure,that s the point!What a tragedy.lol

[@Mat_Shaffer]

mmhmgreat point!

[@deetran5085]

Mat, I love your shared insights and teaching!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks so much Dee Tran! 🙏❤️

[@winxclubstellamusa]

I audibly gasped when you said that “leaning back” is actually a masculine state of having our heart space closed off and having our walls up. That makes so much sense! Thank you 🙏

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You are so welcome🙌❤️

[@crystaldance5731]

You’re so right mat I was out the other day with my son and payed a compliment to a Sainsbury’s delivery man it was playful it made him smile and as we walked home he was driving along and beeped his horn made my day that brief moment thanks mat ❤️😊

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You are so welcome!

[@user-wz7is4os9c]

Thanks so very much for sharing these secrets! I appreciate you and I imagine there are a lot of guys out there that really appreciate this kind of stuff too! You’re helping us to connect!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I’m so glad this helped you!

[@aijakala4606]

I am a too shy woman and I have serious hardships texting or even texting back, but I have to admit that whenever I have done that, it has triggered such a wonderful fireworks in the man I love, such a wonderful reward for me by him whenever I lean forward that I agree with Matt in this and all the rest of his videos a million per cent :D- I discovered you, Matt, just a few months ago and I get this energizing, loving validation which is exactly my perception of highest value men - if a woman he loves leans forward first, he will react with wonders due to the confidence he got from that. Even if I texted him the well-known and often condemned as the neediest message that I miss him - he responded: you can't imagine how good it feels to know I am not alone in it! And our love that began the way Matt describes has lasted for years - this is the gold proof for me. I have met those "high-value" leaning forward and climbing barricades men - they evoke nothing else in me but the feeling of having a predator nearby. While the man who gently cherishes my leaning forward and opening up just in my pace and greeting every single nuance of it, I just can't help melting down to the deepest parts of my heart....and soul... and... :) Yep... body. The highest value men don't have the need to pursue women, they are like real knights - the very first in their own manly battles, but when their lady is nearby , they open the door (all the doors) and let her go first. They conquer all the walls in the world EXCEPT the one around their beloved woman - they let her do it if she considers them worth it. This is just my personal perceived difference between the common high-value men who, in the end, usually turn out to value themselves only (this is why all relationship-coaches have to talk so much about those poor beings and women keep dating and dating...) and the highest value men, real men, Matt Schaefer is telling you about.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Interesting perspective, thanks so much!

[@hijabimuslimah8100]

I’m “leaning back “ never send him text or calling him. Pretty much I’m mirroring him. He calls me every morning before he gets out of his bed (LDR: with 8 hours of time difference, and he’s 20 years younger)and ask me why I never send him a single message (what should I say to answer?) I just said I don’t want to disturb him in case he is busy or change the topic 🤭

[@Sonya9465]

Wow, I've been leaning back all this time. I have a great sense of humor and I am going to try the lean in technique this coming week and see how it works. I'm gonna ask for help, instructions, etc. I'm really excited to try. Thanks for the video, so informative, looking forward to viewing all of your past videos.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Fantastic! 🤗

[@mette1983]

Now I don´t have much experience with men but I started online dating 3 months ago and more than half the times I´ve been the one who has initiated contact first and I have only gotten positive feedback from it so I love this message Mat

[@Mat_Shaffer]

🤗

[@simonesommer8895]

Love it! Playful, unattached, curious! It's fun! :-))) xxx

[@Mat_Shaffer]

YES so glad you enjoyed it Simone! SO FUN!! :)

[@serenaroseauthentics1391]

Yes I’ve attracted a player recently by leaning back too much. The sweet guys were intimidated by too much space & backed off.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Exactly you got it Serena Rose Authentics!

[@serenaroseauthentics1391]

Mat Shaffer I used to be big on the whole leaning back in your feminine energy theory, but I ended up leaning so far back I fell over 😂 & probably came across as a stuck up diva in the process 🤦‍♀️

[@maggiew7293]

Thank you for sharing excellent insight!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You are so welcome Maggie W! 🙏

[@raquelt5342]

Such good points love to hear from a man on this!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

yesss glad you liked it!

[@sustainablediva8109]

NEW UK Subscriber! Wow I just love your videos, just discovered you today! Thank you so much. I especially loved the advice for older women and younger men. In regards to this leaning back, I never found this works and I'm a woman of experience. I think we are all so now socially incapable and regressive in terms of speaking and approaching the opposite sex. Head in smart phone syndrome isn't helping the situation as they are often such an emotional and communicative crutch! It would be interesting to see if there is a different approach from men based on cultural values? I find US men far easier to talk to! however having a British accent really helps:)) British men seem to need to be slightly pissed first:) but there are exceptions. Both sides, men and women we are all suffering, we just need to reach out and touch. Lots of love from across the pond Mat x

[@Mat_Shaffer]

🤗

[@ayatali5057]

These words are way more than perfect ,,, thanks 👌

[@Mat_Shaffer]

🤗

[@SVAsianPhilippinesGo6858]

Thank you Mat, this helped me a lot!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Very welcome! Glad it helps!

[@crose55082]

Thank you for this video. I enjoyed it. I'm going to try some of the things you talked about.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

yay let us know how it goes!

[@crose55082]

@@Mat_Shaffer I will.

[@judysmith6239]

Great advice, thanks Matt

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You are so welcome Judy Smith! 🙏

[@GuessJess]

First off, if he “forgets” to contact you, ladies, he’s not that into you. Checking for him makes you look desperate. Leave him alone. Secondly, relationships are about polarity as far as I can tell. Positive + Negative. Masculine + Feminine. I get that men are nervous about being rejected, they still have to be allowed to make the first move. He will appreciate you more because he made the effort to pursue you and you didn’t follow him too easily. Women have to learn how to flirt and be encouraging and receptive to the men that they like but not take over his role as the initiator. So ladies, if you are looking for a strong, confident, masculine man, go ahead and lean back. If you like weak men that don’t know how to overcome their shyness and project confidence, by all means go ahead and approach him. That’s just my humble opinion. These other dating experts advise women to lean back because of polarity. Two positive magnets will never attract each other. It’s a silly analogy but it makes perfect sense. And I found that out the hard way, so I’m hoping to teach you women not to make the same mistakes I’ve made in dating.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I understand where you're coming from but I promise you it is not that simple! A man can like you and still forget to text you. Women can initiate without undermining polarity permanently So many great relationships are lost when women and men forego courageously connecting with each other over a black and white rule they watched in a dating video :) Life is too short to miss out on opportunities in the name of strategy or fear of being too masculine. Trust me on this one.

[@Lifes_Frosting]

@@Mat_Shaffer If he "forgets' to text you then you're forgettable. He's not that in to you. If he were, you'd be on his mind. Men forget to take out the garbage too!! Best to forget about him and move on. These men need to step up their game if they don't want to miss out on a real connection with a high value woman. We aren't going to waste our time chasing or reminding men that we're here. If they cared, they'd make the effort or lose out. Men should know this instinctively. If he's not paying attention to me, someone else will. Fact. Thanks for engaging with your audience Mat

[@Singinbluebird]

Thank you sister, i cant agree more. Women who lean forward do get the man, but these relationships never last. At the end, he feels emasculated and run for the hill. If she is fem and leans back but welcomes and embraces the connection, thus polarity creates sustenance over time. Nothing is black and white but being too loose, garners lack of control, grace, awareness and ultimately your lack of self respect. Be a lady ❤❤❤

[@Mat_Shaffer]

@@Singinbluebird leaning forward isn;'t something I recommend as a sustained pattern in relationship of course - this video focuses specifically in the opening stages of dating and connection so we don't lean back so far that we miss out on potentially great relationships before they start! I absolutely advocate for healthy masc/fem polarity with the man being the masculine driving force and the feminine being the inviting surrendered energy - I probably have a dozen or more videos on my channel discussing various aspects of that dynamic :)

[@GuessJess]

Mat Shaffer. I appreciate your channel and your mission to support women in their relationships with high quality men, but I cannot just simply trust you on this one because it’s been my personal experience that this advice doesn’t work and also because this advice is contradicted by so many other relationship coaches that I’ve encountered. Bottom line: if a man wants a woman, and he’s confident in himself, he will pursue her. If he likes her enough, and has gotten enough positive reinforcement from her, he will overcome his shyness and reach out to her because he’s excited to see her. Of course, I’m talking about the early stages of dating. It’s been my experience that in this situation, giving the man the benefit of the doubt, If I reach out to him to check up on him, I either get ghosted or breadcrumbed. It’s not worth the hassle. So let’s just beg to differ on this one. I mean no disrespect to you or your knowledge but I don’t agree with you and I fear this piece of advice is misleading to women who are seeking confident, passionate men. Btw, if you can speak more on the subject of polarity in dating, I would be very interested in watching your perspective on that topic.

[@wendyhavens]

Another great video Mat!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@izaito9910]

Thanks for sharing ♥️♥️♥️

[@Mat_Shaffer]

so welcome Iza!

[@laukinelina]

Thank you! Very helpful, I need to work on number 1 😏

[@Mat_Shaffer]

🤗

[@NathalieTaylorRealEstate]

Thank you for sharing this.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

My pleasure!

[@meena5827]

Take what works for you. Thank you for your advice ✨😊

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You're very welcome!

[@astrotricia3671]

45 Single and abstinent for 7 years. I needed to hear this. I was terrified to make the first move looking him up on social media and saying a simple, Hi! That color looked great on you today. But you left early and i could not tell you! I give my clients great advice yet froze on this myself 😂 Waiting on a response, send a little prayer my way.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Aw thanks you’re making me blush;)

[@lydiaveldhuizen3157]

Thank you Mat.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

so welcome!

[@caryleugene907]

Hello Mat Canadian subscriber here You are the smartest guy on KZbin 👌 This is a great video Mattttttt.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

AW THANK YOU Caryl!! So so appreciate that 🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@caryleugene907]

@@Mat_Shaffer 👍

[@melissahopkins1689]

Best advice. Highly underrated.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you for your kind words, they truly touch my heart!

[@hoiliswu6070]

Thank you good massage Awesome see you

[@Mat_Shaffer]

wonderful thanks Holli!

[@meiliya2446]

Wow, this is good video 😊

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you! 😃

[@tanhue1265]

Agreed !!! it attracts the men you want to AVOID! great video

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Yes! Thank you!

[@lizzyloca4439]

Yes omg

[@almak875]

I could write something eloquent, something intuitive or empirical... but instead, I shall offer a resounding SLOW 👏 CLAP 👏 FROM 👏 THE 👏 RAFTERS. This video is perfect in so many ways. It cuts to the core of ATTUNEMENT, and the openness to vulnerability and intimacy. Thank you for creating this. **after slow clapping, uses hands to click subscribe**

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Your kind words touch my heart

[@karinab4478]

Today I was told that the guy I was seeing doesn't want a relationship with me. It's gonna be an interesting time for me though as I'll be seeing that guy at least 2/3 times a week as we are both members of a climbing club and I'm not going to back off and change my lifestyle because of one guy. So maybe it's time I change something and start attracting higher value men that I have been attracting so far... Thanks for your videos :)

[@Mat_Shaffer]

yess time to change things up! perfect learning opportunity through this guy :)

[@kathysmith270]

Love the tip Jason tell about how to track men good for u not good for u

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks so much KATHY SMITH! 🙏❤️

[@anjea9759]

Thanks Mat. “Leaning Back” has far too many problems connected with it. This is a manipulative and ‘low value’ woman’s approach to having a relationship. This is a fear based strategy. I also see anyone who pursues someone relentlessly is overwhelming for both men and women.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you for sharing!

[@alpinelove6225]

Thank you so much, Matt!! This is perfect advice! I was feeling so frustrated with the whole "don't initiate, be feminine, just lean back and only allow him to make the first move." I think your advice is 100% dead on!! Thank you!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks so much my dear!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

QUESTION OF THE DAY - What is your biggest challenge when it comes to attracting the sort of men you want?

[@marazampariolo3200]

That I find 99% of males unattractive

[@simonesommer8895]

My own fear of rejection and how to overcome it! Xxx

[@christeldevrindt3863]

To open up and protect your selfworth so that they can not take you for granted🤲

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Love these shares thank you!

[@midnightagiwan2270]

Fear or getting judged and rejection

[@lizzyloca4439]

I lean back and match energy ...When I do that I attract dominating Men ...but this is excellent how to lean forward as a Woman in a high value way

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Amazing I hope it helps

[@ruthcrawford3015]

I like the idea of 'invite' and receive. I just personally relate better to this concept, but it's a the very same thing as 'lean forward/lean back. "You're welcome to call me, I'd love that" is an invitation, and he can step in, step up, or not.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I appreciate your opinion on this!

[@meyliqg1774]

Girls, if they have such an intense fear of rejection like to not to approach a female... he needs help... and you are probably better off without a guy like that

[@Mat_Shaffer]

lol its a deeply hardwired trait of most men! I still get approach anxiety, as do many of the men I know :)

[@meyliqg1774]

@@Mat_Shaffer we all do, but to the point of paralyzing you, or not going to get what you want then it must be a bigger issue. Most overcome their fears just to go and get what they want.

[@averagecitizen863]

@@meyliqg1774 it's not just the fear of rejection it's also a mix of the following questions : - is she single ? - do i objectivly have a chance ? - is she flirting or just being friendly ? - i'm i bothering when approaching her ?

[@patriciajoyce9581]

Hi how are you doing am Alexander please can I know you thanks

[@Mat_Shaffer]

JOIN MY FREE LOVE COURSE HERE (we start 8/9/21) - masteryofconnection.com

[@TheSwordandPearl]

Valuable content, really love how realistic you are

[@Mat_Shaffer]

thanks brett!

[@brittanywaddell7358]

I'm 28 but I'm very old fashioned and was raised to do so and assume that I should let the man take initiative always. But you make alot of sense and I'd rather be a strong and bold.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

YESS you got this!! :)

[@brittanywaddell7358]

🙂

[@dannym6552]

if you like him, strike a convo, :)

[@brittanywaddell7358]

@@dannym6552 thank you

[@karen68j]

You are a genius😊

[@Mat_Shaffer]

😂

[@Lifes_Frosting]

I'm not sure how I feel about this message. In nature, the male hunts the female. I watched a buck chase a doe all around my backyard. She would run away to avoid him and he would not let up until she was his. It struck me just how much men have lost touch with their masculine and natural instincts.There are a lot of dating coaches and pick up artists giving men and women poor and even damaging dating advice (not you Mat). The media has done a lot to shame men for behaving like men and now they don't know how to behave any more. As a woman, it does not feel right for me to make the first move or to initiate contact. Starting a conversation is one thing, but calling a man to reach out when you haven't heard from him feels awkward and foreign as a female. It's not our natural role. Honestly, if a man does not have the confidence and self esteem to make the first move, he's not my man. If a man doesn't call or make an effort to see me, then he's obviously not interested. Men are capable of going to war and risk death or even be forced to kill others but when it comes to approaching a female they freeze?? If he lets fear make his decisions for him, then so be it. I was not meant for him any way.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Mmmhm I created this video in large part as an answer to the over-strategic pick-up-artisty content I see a lot of out there. Men and women are fundamentally craving the same things. Connection. Love. Support. When we look at each other as different species we create divisions between each other. I'm not saying to hound a guy if he is bread crumbing you, but don't be afraid to send a text if you haven't heard from him. You can gently initiate contact without destroying polarity. Life and love are not black and white exchanges, they are shades of gray. Trust your intuition and your feelings but if you're not getting the connections you want, look at what it might serve you to shift! There's a lot more nuance in human dynamics than the basic push/pull of masculine and feminine polarity - that's the nature of the dance :)

[@Lifes_Frosting]

@@Mat_Shaffer I think there is a lot of misinformation out there. No one knows quite how to behave any more. It's quite sad and is creating a lot of separation and loneliness. I agree with your statement that we are all craving the same things. It seems no one knows quite how to get their needs met these days. This channel and the information you are sharing with your audience may help to sort this all out. Perhaps you could offer some valuable information to men as well. You're hearing an earful from us ladies and seeing things from our perspective. You could offer this information and female perspective with a male audience. Just a thought. Great content - I look forward to your videos.

[@lindat1317]

@@Mat_Shaffer I'm so glad that as a man you say it's OK to lean in (the RIGHT way). I was obsessed with another coach (great, but a lot was against my own gut instincts) that I leaned TOO far back, initiated NO contact (when I wanted to share something funny I knew he'd appreciate) and as a result, two weeks could go by with neither of us moving first. That IS lonely and so non-productive! Love your views--they align with my gut instincts. Thanks!

[@AmandaOwensliterature]

I agree. If the guy isn't reaching out once he has your number, then he doesn't like the woman enough for a good relationship to come from it.

[@lisaquinlan1292]

Mat, can you do a video on why men love one-word-answer? Ive initiated conversation in on-line dating by asking questions about a photo or something they said in their bio. Then I get one word answers to my question. (Even though my question is very open ended). Why is this and how can we get around it?

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for the topic suggestion Lisa Quinlan - it's going on my list!

[@aminahn5776]

Hi Mat, who is a good man or high quality man? What are the expectations?

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Watch my last video on how to attract a king! I go through some traits :)

[@georgiaellen5538]

Mat please help me out here! Is it possible/likely that approach anxiety persists even after a connection has been established? I'm into a guy who's quite reserved and not the type to introduce himself or have a conversation with a stranger (he's expressed that he struggles with social anxiety to a degree (what people think of him) - which actually really shocked me because he always seems so comfortable around people - myself included). So, I'm not sure if he's just not into me or if he's anxious. We can sit and chat for ages, we stayed up cuddling in my dorm and listening to music for hours yet he's rarely the one to initiate (I introduced myself to him first and was the one to go in for the kiss, but based on strong hints that he was throwing my way). Given the fact that I often put myself in his path and I FEEL like I'm sending strong enough signals yet he's not reciprocating enough to fully assure me, how can I tell if he's really interested or if this is one-sided? I'd never want to force or pressure him... I want to know if he wants me and not just because I'm 'there for the taking'.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

YEP it absolutely CAN happen! keep being open and vulnerable and making powerful invitations to connect with him

[@makassajones]

I'm going to take this advice when I start dating again. I'm working on myself right now but I want my next relationship to last forever. So I need to make sure I have the right one for me and my kids. Some men are very childish and take take take...

[@makassajones]

No more alcoholics!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You got this!

[@jayebird8274]

This us such a unique perspective. I was wondering why men who end up narc/ players constantly pursue me...It’s possibly because I’m nerdy and more introverted. I feel ok smiling across a room, or striking up a little conversation, but I don’t have the energy to keep flirting like maybe a waitress or sexy bartender...so maybe by default or nature, I seem to lean back. In short, do I have to stop being myself to attract a good guy? Alpha or Beta sounds silly to me...I want a loyal, honest, curious, intelligent, active, fit gentleman. How do I attract him??

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I promise there are good guys out there my dear!

[@briannaduffney1745]

Your smile is infectious Mat! This was helpful as well as your smile is helpful

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I so appreciate you saying that - that was so sweet of you!

[@crystalporter314]

This is helpful advice. Thank you.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you so much ! So glad my content supports you :)

[@srishtijha3]

Great 🎉

[@Mat_Shaffer]

My pleasure!

[@amberdyer2659]

How can you be sure they are single?

[@guccigirl9416]

I needed to watch this video. I’m afraid of dating because I don’t want to attract another bad guy

[@mongxeemphabminnesota8724]

Just curious. How many bad guys have you attracted in you’re life anyway?

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I promise there are good guys out there my dear!

[@Moon-ld8ii]

But we need to know who truly is interested and wants a relationship. If we pursue them, we won’t know and this typically causes mean to pull away…

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I appreciate your opinion on this!

[@desireeleeanntaylor1925]

Yeah

[@Mat_Shaffer]

yessss :)

[@tanyaklawitter877]

Our kids us what brought us together now bam im 5 months preg and hes moving us to another country to keep me safe and has apparently planned a suprise for me.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

🤗

[@rp6582]

Brilliant Mat! Thank you for this. As a feminist, I can only be happy with this approach and advice. Also, ladies, look at primates, our closest relatives. It is always the female that lets the male know she is ready and interested!!!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

wonderful THANK YOU for this feedback!! truly appreciate it and your insight

[@dbsk06]

6:00 real start.

[@jay-ks4jc]

if he says “i wanna keep talking to you but i don’t know what i want” and its been like 3 months of talking, does that mean i should move on and cut him off or?

[@confusedspoons]

I hope after a month you've sorted it out ❤

[@Mat_Shaffer]

It sounds like it might be time to lovingly release him jay 351, and find someone who is a reflection of what you're worthy of

[@dbsk06]

Be engaged but not outcome dependent/attached.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I appreciate your opinion on this!

[@user-te7gu2ff7p]

This is so confusing to me. My guy is always coming towards me, buys me gifts, wants to help me, looks at me like he loves me. But! Then dropped the bomb that at Christmas he met up with this girl he’s known for years & loves but doesn’t think it would ever go anywhere. He then says he’s not in a place to have a relationship even tho he acts like we’re in one. And he doesn’t think he would ever get married again bc his first wife was a train wreck. Oh.. & just so I know there are 4 other girls who want a relationship with him, but he doesn’t want one with them. WTH! We have not had sex & so I said okay great then we will just be friends & I don’t hug & kiss my guy friends. Now he’s extremely frustrated. What the heck is his problem.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

It sounds like it might be time to lovingly release him L, and find someone who is a reflection of what you're worthy of

[@nothandosibanda-jg9uf]

Hey I have this guy I know he wants to talk to me everytime he sees me I do everything you are saying but he is to shy don't know what to do coz I can feel he is a good man

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Amazing!

[@breakergirl47]

Hi matt

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Hi angie!! :)

[@tanyaklawitter877]

How the heck do i stop this weakness then. I get upset or angry and bam he finds my weakness and snaps me out of it which is not fair i build my ealls up and bam he finds the weak link to make them tumble ag a in it sucks and he knows your videos and your lives work and makes me wrak and come round to him again especially if i am angry or upset.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

🤗

[@marialucilynramirez5150]

Hey Matt so I'm gonna do is to reach out to him even he is having a girlfriend,? I started to know that he is already a girlfriend 6 days ago and I broke up with him, so I need to still reach out to him

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@ElizabetaDante]

Aren’t they hunters? Don’t they love challenges? Well then you have to admit that if we agree to the idea of them being dragon fighters as you said, and if now we agree that we should not lean back..so you will have to agree that it becomes very complicated 😒 Are they brave fighters or tender doves? Are they both?? How to guess this

[@Mat_Shaffer]

we are both lovers AND fighters

[@gerberdaisy2388]

I was under the impression that "leaning back" was a strategy to 'lean' on (pun intended there) when you were already in a relationship and you started to feel the weight of leading in the relationship being shifted to the female. I see that it serves as a 'red-flag' definer. Either you, as the female, are over-functioning and he is stepping back because of it. Or, he is already comfortable enough that he is showing you his true colours and isn't interested in taking up his part of responsibility, thereby stepping back so that you can assume more responsibility for the whole relationship.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

thats one way leaning back is defined and applied within the context of an existing relationship where you aren't getting the momentum you want! and it definitely has validity there. I just think it gets over-used and over-applied in too many situations and too universally, which is why I felt like I had to unpack it a bit :)

[@amberdyer2659]

What about coworkers?

[@SweetUareDesi]

Literally have gotten no where, and I’m gorgeous. I’ve tried many different angles. It’s clearly me but what am I doing!? Lol

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Don’t give up on love sister!

[@cosmicproductionsone7112]

What if they dont find you attractive even if you initiate contact 🤔

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Don’t give up on love sister!

[@yirastar8848]

I just hate the guys that want me to “build”. I’m not a builder , I’m not going to bare my soul just for me to be trampled and destroyed .

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I promise there are good guys out there my dear!

[@AlejandraGomez-wk4xz]

I did that and anyway he was a narcissist. Any suggestions for next time, please?

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@Anonymous-ze2mu]

Closing your arms and legs 😂😂.... Damn right the legs will be closed for a while 😜

[@tanyaklawitter877]

Oh hell no i aint giving my new man up for anything in this world hes the best and he even wabts to shake your hand because of you being a insperation to me as i said in the live he says im.happier when i watch these or the live he gets lucky well he got lucky haha and i had a destressing phone call and got depressed he shoved head phones on me and put uour live on and then made me watch your videos and bam a smile came and he got a happuer partner again even though i am still upset over a great friend and her now suicide but my man was satisfied because the smile and my slirits lifted again.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

🤗

[@tanyaklawitter877]

@@Mat_Shaffer hey mat sent you a message you have a invite the first of since you been.un our lives besides being uncle

[@desireeleeanntaylor1925]

Every on I dean with never won'ts to open up or talk I'm the only one

[@Mat_Shaffer]

In what sense??

[@TuffLuv1984]

This hasn’t worked for me though. 😒

[@Mat_Shaffer]

keep trying! its all about practice !

[@TuffLuv1984]

Mat Shaffer in this day and age of benching and being fed breadcrumbs until you want to tear your hair out it is just making it easier for guys who aren’t really that into you. No guy is EVER too busy for his dream girl. So if he hasn’t called... guess what...

[@mongxeemphabminnesota8724]

@@TuffLuv1984 I wonder how awesome you’re personality is like?

[@sandrakasu9100]

I'm now scared of dating

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Don’t give up on love sister!

[@nothandosibanda-jg9uf]

This love thing is complicated

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Yes! sometime it can be unknown and confusing.🙏❤

[@melliex5921]

Hi Matt - love your videos, but I have to disagree. I think the 80/20 rule is best. If you tell women to lean forward, they will chase! I think it's important to let the man know if you're interested by responding in a very warm and inviting way. If you give him the green light, then that's all he needs if he's interested. Honestly, if a man doesn't message me for weeks, I may reach out with a quick hello, but I'm not going to invest much more. I have a full life and many options. If he is busy or not interested enough to keep up communication, then...next!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for the beautiful share Mellie X 🙏

[@kellb9283]

I am rock, I am an island....trying to become a pebble, a peninsula

[@Mat_Shaffer]

you can strive to be any peninsula... just not Florida. Never Florida ;)

[@kellb9283]

Oh I wouldn’t. Lol. Viva Italia!

[@Moon-ld8ii]

Why do we need to initiate conversation? Are men not capable of pursuing any more??

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Conversation initiation fosters connections, confidence, and opportunities, regardless of gender norms.

[@travelchannel304]

Hmm..dating. that trend went out in the 80s. LOL would be nice to try that out. LOL Shoot ive always been the initiator & wasnt even trying to!! B ut ive never been the one to ask out on a date. I like being asked out! LOL Folks the initiators doesn't have to actually do the asking out!! Just striking up s conversation. Or offering a complement!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@gregthompson9434]

The only feminine women i can find are strippers or escorts, also they are the only ones I feel that won’t be offended by sexual banter I have met some amazing Escort I absolutely love my time with them , the dinner & conversation is always great . It’s much easier for me . I travel for a living , love life . I just don’t have time for games with traditional dating

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Be careful with your beliefs! They create your reality.

[@georgiaoblak8165]

Who could ever reject You?

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks so much for your feedback!

[@christineredoble4494]

Can i find me future’s husband good

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I promise there are good guys out there my dear!

[@DiamondRubyJewel]

*1ST QUESTION.MATT ASKS..ME : YUP!* *I AM RAISED OLDSCHOOL LET A REAL MAN LEAD. DON'T CHASE A MAN*

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I’m always looking for ways to improve, and your feedback is invaluable.

[@DiamondRubyJewel]

@@Mat_Shaffer *YOU SAID NOTHING WRONG MATT. YOUR VALUE IS IMMEASURABLE* *I NEEDED AND NEEEEEDDDDD YOUR ADVICE. I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG. GOOD HEARTED WOMAN SINGLE SINCE TEENS. THANKYOU SO MUCH*

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You’re making my heart happy! Thanks for the sweet comment. 💕

[@yasminleyva2120]

RYAN PATRICK???????????????????????????????????????

[@Mat_Shaffer]

haha whaaaat???

[@marciebaker9816]

Sorry, if your anxiety is so high you can't approach a woman, you should be disqualified as a high value man.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I appreciate your opinion on this!