Matara Has an Honest Talk About Grief

[@ShadowmanEXE]

“Remember them, but live, because that is what they would want for you.”

[@eggman6605]

I appreciate clippers sharing these serious moments with minimal editing.

[@Justa_Clipper]

Thank you!

[@Sergei_Nohomo]

Losing parents made me learn that you dont heal; that hurt doesn't leave, you just learn to live with it and then you remember to just live again. To that point its gotten that i can fondly remember good memories and take solace in that and even get a laugh from what they mightve said if they were still here or the bad memories that i had with my dad that remind me to be a better man. Made me reflect that the bad and good and how much if a profound effect its had on my life and i need to reevaluate because its caused me a lot of bad. Grief takes different forms and i wish the best for everyone when that fight happens.

[@YourTypicalMental]

She's the realest person in Vtubing. I love her.

[@TerrestrisVerita]

One of the scariest things I've seen in my life is watching my paternal grandparents slowly wither away as I grew up. As a young baby, I had nothing but posative memories of them, and as a teenager, I had to witness them become mentally and physically weaker until one day I went to their funeral. Now, as an adult, I help take care of my materal grandparents, and I can't help but also notice the same pattern of deterioration. That one day they will end up becoming bedridden, unable to remember me or themselves, and how much itll hurt when they'll passaway knowing how good they were to me growing up. But what's worse is just how... Normal, it feels. And it is normal. Everyone dies one day. I love my grandparents, but they are not immortal. They're going to die, and I accept that. I dont WANT to, but that's also not really a decision I can control. It scares me to think, though, how much it hurt and how little I can affect that outcome. But like Matara says, one day, it'll hurt less. It'll never stop hurting, but it will hurt less.

[@alexello1189]

Man I really feel you on this. I had a similar experience with mine. In my case it was a bit more f’d up. Grandfather was an engineer that got dementia, grandmother was a farm raised chef that got stomach / esophagus cancer. Seeing them deteriorate was hell. And in truth it broke my faith. But as time goes on I’m learning to cope and forgive better. I’m not over it, but I can’t sit around wallowing in my own filth. I gotta get up and live my own life. We take it day by day ❤❤❤

[@JRTheKnightwalker]

Man, the last few minutes when she talks about unhappiness really spoke to be. I have really dark thoughts constantly, and her speaking about her unhappiness tells me there is still hope

[@Justa_Clipper]

I'm glad that resonated in a hopeful way. I think she has the wisdom of an older person (at least to me, of course), and that knowledge can really help people

[@Lord_Unicorn]

As someone who lost a mother 16 years ago, this is true. I was so shocked I couldn't even think or feel emotions, I was in a deep depression but eventually time will heal, and it will be memories, even if those who you lost are someone who you love. It will become a memory because you are too busy living your life. The only thing I can say to those who lost their loved ones is time will heal and before that, stay strong. I know right now no words will not reach to you. But only time will eventually heal your wounds, and you will start to open your eyes and ears and start living your life. And for those who still have parents you will eventually lose them to live longer than them, so whenever you have the chance, say you love them as much as you can. Or else you will regret like me.

[@KevinKillNation]

I can relate with Matara. Losing my younger brothers, my grandparents and uncles who played a major part in my life. But I gotta stay strong and press on for them.

[@kjarakravik4837]

I'm sorry for your loss. I sometimes have to remind myself that even though it feels like the worst pain in existence, losing people you love is a near universal human experience. If most people alive today can deal with this pain, if all of our ancestors for thousands of years have dealt with it, then I can survive this.

[@cjnf11]

I feel like I just had several different lives at this point and they all feel different. So being a kid with a mother was one life, but being an adult without a mother is a completely different one.

[@VisualEnjoyer9756]

God that's the most accurate way to describe how it feels. The before and after just feels like two completely separate lives

[@Ozzard]

I'm only now realizing how womanly Matara sounds. she sounds like an aunt

[@Justa_Clipper]

She just woke up in the video :(

[@S1e73n]

5:36 that sounds more like cope fear of commitment It has to be progress in some time or action Heard it all before, suppressing feelings

[@st.haborym]

Just because something becomes a memory doesn't mean it stops hurting

[@Justa_Clipper]

Agree, it seems like it took her like 20 years to heal. It's a slow process

[@SuperInsanewolf]

Yea. Lost several family members recently, stings like a sumbitch from time to time but not like it did

[@kjarakravik4837]

I'd say after a few moths or years, it becomes a regular memory that you can recall without feeling the crushing pain, the same way you could fondly think about that person while they were still alive. I'll never stop missing their company, and there are still moments when all the grief comes crashing down at once, but those moments are rare special occasions, and even when they do happen they don't completely tear me apart like before.

[@bat_mobile7545]

Matara speaks truth about her experience, when my Grand Mama passed away it was unexpected and shocked for me since she is my beloved Grand Mama since i wasn't prepare for this moment, but after that i felt normal and my work life keeps distracts me from it. Feeling normal about the cycle of mortaility is just normal. Do i still fear of death? Absolutely, do i fear of seeing my love ones slowly gone until i'm the only one left? Definitely. Then i realized it is a natural thing of being a human, like all other animals on planet earth they experience the same mortality as us. Born, Live then Die. But we human has a choice to do something, to fullfill either grandoise goal or something simple to compensate your sh*tty life. And finally when we die, we won't regret, because we lived.

[@billydiaz2049]

I can relate to the notions of thinking if they would be proud of me, of the what I had accomplished and what I've done. I know my father died disappointed in me. Before he passed I was struggling to find my first job. To be fair to him I was around 28 when I finally got my first job. It took me about five years to get it, five long years. Within those five years my father accused me of not trying hard enough or that I wasn't doing it right. When he passed away I thought how is he going to know now? How is he going to know what my first job is? Would he be proud of me now? Or would i still be a disappointment? I'll never know but I do know that he was disappointed in me up until the very end. I just wished he had more time so that I could show him that I'm not a disappointment. That I can stand on my own two feet or at the very least try to. I just wanted him to stop saying how much he was disappointed in me but not like that. I didn't want him to leave.

[@KuroKomix]

"I didn't respect mine when he was around" Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if that was - at least subconsciously - a factor in why she used to get angry at people.

[@zebra1327]

I remember the day I found out my father died, nearly punched a whole in a dry wall and was more angry than sad. It definitely still affects me, but not as much anymore, like she said, life goes on and people grief differently.

[@MOONWOLF7395]

Time heals all wounds.

[@NecroticFarron]

Except age. Kinda fucked there, for now.

[@jinji_xo]

Time doesnt heal. Moving on does. If youre stuck on one thing for the rest of your life, you'll only end up hurting yourself. Do something that takes up your time.

[@yoya.]

But you've got to give time time

[@Stargazing_night_sky]

I mean its always gonna hurt to some degree, atleast for me. Its been around a decade since mine died and it still hurts some days, it hurts especially when i see people having good lives with their dads. Like im genuinely happy for them, but sad i cant have that ya know? Edit: i also agree with what she said at 6:37 about it being a little easier knowing he would've just been worse off in the current year if he was still alive cause my dad had some mental related issues as well.

[@schlafN]

Greif is like a cut on your finger. The moment it happens you feel the immence pain. It's a fresh wound, but as time as goes on a scab forms to help close the wound. The pain becomes less and less as time passes. But it can break open again if you close your finger or reach a moment close to that wound. But time ticks by and that wound heals. For all the good and bad moments such person had in your life, those moments made you who you are and what you are. The important thing is to reflect and learn from those moments and grow as a person.

[@chiseledmedal2634]

When you remember someone, at least for me, remember their birthday as a way to celebrate their life or choose an important holiday that connected to that person. A close family friend passed after my birthday but I remember her always on 4th of July, she loved it, so my fam and I have fun and drink for her on that day.

[@lllOnSlAuGhTlll]

my father died when i was 14 after slowly withering away for 2.5 years due to chemo therapy. i stopped believing in god. 26 years later and its still the most traumatic experience i have.

[@Justa_Clipper]

I'm very sorry to hear that

[@Estianavara]

That's literally what i fear the most: memory isn't reliable; it's is susceptible to change/being lost to the sands of time. So, even with photos, unless i have something physical to hold onto as a memento, it feels like it never happened. It was all just in my head...that's what i fear the most: forgetting who/what something/someone was.

[@Justa_Clipper]

I agree, specially if a lot of times has happened, the loss of memory feels like disrespect towards that person, even if that doesn't make sense

[@04cassius-jake]

Same

[@catmage]

Is "my ex-husbands" part of her community lingo, or was she actually married?