My Dissociative Identity Disorder Diagnosis

[@MedCircle]

DID is a unique experience, but Encina's mental health journey is very relatable. Which part resonated most with you? Access more exclusive mental health videos on topics like this one HERE: *bit.ly/3KjV6cj*

[@questionablebackyardmeows]

Please go through the comments and remove the preaching and invalidating/hate. People seem to feel free to do this with DID where they do not other things and it is absolutely infuriating.

[@kellymckenzie5686]

@@questionablebackyardmeows unfortunately there are so many people that have been outted as faking so it sadly invalidates the ones that truly have it. Whether you agree or not there is this thing called free speech and that means anyone, no matter how idiotic they are can say what they want. Just ignore them, cuz by commenting like this you draw more attention to the negativity and become part of it which makes you just as bad

[@questionablebackyardmeows]

@@kellymckenzie5686 Or you could stop justifying abuse of a population that has already suffered more than enough of it.

[@kellymckenzie5686]

@@questionablebackyardmeows I’m not justifying it one bit. You give negativity like that attention you give it power. You aren’t trying to help you are tattling, that is not helpful.

[@AndwB]

Encina has a beautiful face

[@gsg5006]

As a psychologist, I respect the fact that we're trying to psycho educate people. And it would be amazing to train the interviewers and let them work from a place of empathy, rather than giving them a bunch of confrontational and close ended questions.

[@rockulikeahurricane]

I felt like he was empathetic, did you not think so?

[@Phiemu]

Totally agree, that was partially quite painful to watch. Those questions about "will you heal", just when she got diagnosed with depression recently ... she seemed so hopeless :(

[@sophiedrossaers270]

@@rockulikeahurricane in my opinion he was not un-sympathetic. But it would have helped if he at least acknowledged her distress, or the fact that she has gone through so much hurt before moving on to the next question.

[@gsg5006]

It is understandable considering a layman's view on these disorders. To the best of his ability he was able to be nice to her, but the way questions were framed could have been better. Because at the end of the day these conversations could be a trigger to the person. I would have definetly skipped all the close ended questions, rather just let her talk and then expand the conversation. I hope it is clear 😅 rather than a Q and A and a back and forth dialogue would have been softer.

[@corps3siren551]

What you mean is a communicative interaction of discovery and i get that, but really he was very empathic to his best ability. and in DID's shoes or any mental illness patient, we very much appreciate the person trying to understand by asking us questions we wish to be asked to feel understood and seen. It wasn't like automatic questions or an interview only for points for his own curiosity or gathered knowledge. From a DID, social anxiety, depression and ADHD perspective, he was sympathetic enough and tried to get to know her not only for educational purposes. He did a really good job you can see how she was comfortable enough to share and be vulnerable about childhood parts most of us would be ashamed to tell. I see that she did feel understood a lil better and that's all that matters. After all it is an interview and he did more than just that. People are work in progress, I've noticed how he praised her many times! It was mostly soothing.

[@ouranos0101]

You don't just ask someone "what is your trauma?" wtf. I salute you Encina for handling it with grace and strength

[@MsWhitekanna]

I was shocked! I hope he asked consent off camera. He could've very well triggered her then and there

[@MellowJelly]

To be realistic I think he sends her the questions before filming so she can prepare answers and approve/disapprove them. These are deep questions and I'm guessing he gives days or weeks in advance before filming. You're right, don't just outright ask that in real life! This is KZbin and it's a planned interview with MedCircle, it's definitely pre-planned

[@camogrrl]

With the caliber of staff behind this channel no way he pulled this question out of the blue without getting fired . Absolutely he cleared it with supervisors and Encina first.

[@Jasmine-wh1hu]

I was so thrown off by that especially because no one seems to be discussing it in the comments. The one person that did had unsympathetic comments in the thread disregarding it because she’s on a public platform. Public platform or not people deserve to have their feelings considered. I really hope it was discussed before the interview like everyone else is theorizing.

[@bakerfritz4681]

I’ve been operating under the assumption that the interviewees are prepared well beforehand and given an opportunity to reject certain questions, but I wish the interviewer had not operated under the assumption that viewers would automatically know that. That approach was like watching someone land a plane with the wheels still up.

[@svetlanathomas3521]

1. The questions are quite invasive and she handles them beautifully 2. Never seen anyone who could pull off purple brows, but she does it so well!

[@ZoeF.O]

Lol where are you from? (about the brows)

[@marya1522]

Those brows are gorgeous. I hope she reaches her goal of healing.

[@calliecat4400]

The questions were previously discussed. Don’t talk if you don’t know

[@kimkerley4218]

I love the purple eyebrows ❤😊

[@wilma8326]

Not invasive at all, just direct. She could handle all the questions, she was so honest and courageous. Yes, some answers were loaded with emotions and that's oké. It's good she wasn't trying to hide that

[@lindadetloff3370]

I don’t have DID but I’ve had trauma all my life and been through therapy a zillion hopeless times. When Encina said “I want to want to live.” I heard myself. I’m over 60 yrs young and I finally got there. Meditation and learning to love myself. Forgiveness and accepting my part in things has brought me a long way. Don’t give up honey! God loves you and so do we!! ❤️🙏🏼😘

[@smiller2044]

I'd like to know, if everyone has trauma, what is it about the brain that some people develop DID?

[@ginacheselka6086]

Yas we Love you Encina you're worth it!!!!

[@mcsaism]

@@smiller2044 everyone does not have trauma and trauma is a broad term, there are very different levels to trauma. Do u mean physical abuse? sexual? Emotional? All or one or two of those? Domestic violence in an adult relationship? Narcissistic parents? Sex trafficking victims?

[@Peem_pom]

I am finding a lot of relief through internal family systems

[@dalniente2020]

@@smiller2044 there are different levels of trauma. My trauma has almost ruined my life but my mind dealt with my trauma with shame and internalizing the memories before i started to heal. In the case of people with DID, their minds can not handle holding on to those memories. So it blocks them out and creates different alters to protect the person from trauma.

[@kylenmaple4668]

“I want to want to live” Man this really struck home, I cried

[@plasticreplica]

i really hope you asked Encina before the interview if it was ok to ask her what her trauma was because i felt really inconfortable with how forward this was....and i hope that she got checked on after the interview.

[@Himeko-wv7fu]

I agree 💯 that really did upset me

[@callmekat1838]

She has talked about it in pasted interviews. I’m sure/hopeing she did get the questions before hand anyway.

[@ChristopherGuilday]

He has already asked her previously, and she said it was OK to ask. This is their 2nd interview.

[@minajdm4343]

She had talked about it in the last interview so it was not new for her to talk about it.. but still she could also easily say no or not talk about it

[@selinaogorman8380]

Yes because you don’t want to add more trauma what she already went through so it’s yes it’s respectful before hand it’s also about consent.

[@penelopes.9696]

She had her childhood stolen from her but still believes in magic ❤ Such a sweet articulate lady. I hope she finds her happily ever after 💞

[@nicholasbarbier7083]

That moment in the interview was moving. Her clarity of mind and presence is remarkable. Although she describes herself as still unhealed, from the outside she strikes me as someone of immense dignity. And her aspiration is so positive and sincere. Touching. 20:10. I wish her all the best.

[@selinaogorman8380]

I know right she still believes in magic and you know what she has courage and bravery she hasn’t lost touch with herself I believe that’s incredible about her she amazing beautiful woman still manages her day by day life yes she may have had her childhood stolen but she trying to live through it and am proud of her for that.❤

[@calzonexiv]

"I want to WANT to live" Girl I feel that 100%. You are not alone, we gotta just walk this path one day at a time and do the best we can. We'll get there in the end, you have a lot of support so don't forget that! ♥

[@alatea4068]

It is usually not ok to ask someone what is their trauma, and my heart stopped when that question came in. But then you were able to say it, Encina, and I am glad that you were. It is not our shame, the shame belongs with perpetrators. If we could survive it, other people can hear about it, and acknowledge that terrible things do happen even to little kids. You are a wonderful person and an inspiration. I wish you so much happiness.💖

[@kellymckenzie5686]

When you put yourself out there publicly, especially on the internet as having something like this, it’s going to happen. I don’t mean this rudely, just sayin….

[@jenford1657]

you have to be able to talk about it eventually or you cant heal from it lol

[@annabelcrescibene4257]

@@jenford1657 sure, but like with a therapist, and your trusted friends/family/partner(s) not the internet/strangers

[@kieransoregaard-utt8]

@@annabelcrescibene4257 well I mean she is on a public platform.

[@missmouse20]

Why is it not ok for someone to ask what a person's trauma is? Or are you speaking for yourself?

[@meganwoehl5277]

When she described how she talked herself through her anxiety attacks....and it finally clicked that I do that all day every day. Just an hour ago I was walking down the hallway at work going "its okay, it's just work. No one's going to fire you. You're going to get everything done. Just get to your desk and everything will be fine. You don't even have to talk to anyone, just get to your desk and sit down and everything will be okay".

[@painalpeggy]

The chronic suicidality is extremely hard to live with when you just dont even really want to anymore

[@jennifers1040]

As a woman with pmdd this is how I feel half the month.

[@topperharley7892]

Think about it everyday

[@arianamooon]

Yep.

[@shaneball2358]

Absolutely, its so difficult!!! Have you tried going to a ACT or IFS therapist to help embrace that part of u? Sounds counterintuitive, but srsly, it helps.

[@karebear7764]

When she said she was desperate to heal, I felt that through my entire soul.

[@andreinalopez7876]

I had such a hard time healing my CPTSD (molested in my childhood) but after talking about it countless times with countless therapists, and crying out the shame; I started to break down what exactly happened to me step by step, and separating the sexual trauma from the life threading trauma that were mixed together. Then I processed my fear of being killed from my abuser, and then the sexual abuse and my relationship with my body. After that, I went into revisiting that trauma like if I was there, 6 year old me in that room, and even imagine the thoughts that I had as a child and how I was processing all of it. It’s so heart breaking but what helps me push through it is constantly telling myself “I’m so sorry, this is trauma being passed down from trauma, I will protect you now, you are safe with me, I love you, you are so strong, I can take this pain from you, etc.” It’s a slow process, it’s been 6 years of me putting in hard work. I too had wishful suicidal thoughts since a kid and now, I finally don’t feel that anymore and I am SOOOO GRATEFUL that I didn’t give on me. That I didn’t give up in that small voice in my head always said “just wait, you have no idea how good life can really be!” ✨🤍✨

[@alanadaniel9907]

Sending hugs

[@delaney9383]

"Do you believe you'll heal?" "I'm not so sure anymore." I felt that. I'm eighteen and have been fighting for years to survive this horde of mental illnesses and it has absolutely whipped me. I wonder all the time about my chances of getting to a sustainably healthy and safe place. A place I can't remember having ever experienced, that I don't even know for sure exists. So many days for years I've thought "please I just want some relief" and I wonder how on earth I've made it to this point, but the world keeps moving and I'm still here in it, exhausted from the fight to live another miserable day and the looming despair that comes with being in a state like that. It's moving to see Encina still going and fighting and having the same doubts and hopes and wishes at thirty. But she's still alive and going, and I guess that gives me a little more hope.

[@jenerin905]

I hope you get the help you need and deserve. Therapy is a healing gift that I started at 23 after a childhood full of stress and trauma which left me with an autoimmune disease that ravaged my body. As an adult, YOU get to decide how you want to live your life. You didn't choose what was done to you or how you were raised, but as an adult you have the ability to seek out how to undo the damage that was done to you. Please know that there is hope. You can't change others or control how they treat you, but you can choose to surround yourself with people who truly love you and make you feel worthy of the love that you give. Also, people don't just have one mental illness and that's it. Even the most "normal" or happy seeming person has things they battle with. Everyone is on their own journey and not everyone is open about their pain or issues. It doesn't feel fair at times, but the hard work you do to make yourself better is completely worth the calm and happy times. Please be kind to yourself. I wish you all the best.

[@sknatheartist]

It feels like something is trying to break you because it is. The question is why? You’re the way you are for a reason, trust me. You have a superpower, you just have to manage it. Take back control of your brain! It’s going to be a fight but you’re going to win bcuz the opponent is you. She made it, I made it and you’ll make it too ❤️.

[@Candyy248]

Therapy can help But it does not do miracles v:

[@Cathy-xi8cb]

Delaney: you need a better therapist, one that can teach you stabilization strategies so that you feel grounded and safe in the present. When you can bring yourself to a safe state and place, you have the confidence to work harder in therapy and build a good life. Good luck!

[@graziaromano3531]

Yes you can...you already have a head start and knowledge..you are so young even if your pain is too deep and too much..you can want to want to live. Look into soul retrieval..when parts of one's psyche split off due to trauma...soul retrieval can help put your fragmented parts back and reintegrate them..you have to find a good shamanic practitioner though and look into it to see if you might want to try that side of things??

[@cassiejohnson6560]

I have DID and was actually diagnosed really young(before i was 10). I had extreme abuse that also left me with brain damage giving me aphasia and deafness due to nerve damage. I went through over a decade of psychotherapy to "merge" them yet I cant remember one session from any of it. I'm so happy to see others speak out about it. As always, love Encina's hair.

[@truthseeker6584]

I am so sorry that you have had to suffer so much!☹️ That sounds like pure hell. Your ability to write is obviously not affected at all. I wish you that through your writing and other unaffected channels you surely have you will be able to find a way where you can live a life with more good moments than suffering. You deserve to feel good about yourself and about your life. You are a beautiful and precious soul. I wish you all the best!

[@TofuTeo]

Know that you can be very normal and thrive as a mutiple too, and I'm saying this as a singular. You are perfect the way you are, even if some parts need healing. For others reading this, know that DID is often linked to ritual abuse and child sex trafficking. The abusers intentionally create DID in children to get them to do their bidding. If you want to know more, search "Alison Miller Healing the Unimaginable quotes" and read excerpts of her book on Goodreads. (I don't recommend survivors to read this as it can drigger dangerous programs created by the abusers, e.g. suicide or self harm) Child sex trafficking is a very sinister industry.

[@duskbear1]

Encina is such a fantastic person. It breaks my heart that she has so much to deal with. I learned a lot about DID by listening to her, and she did remove a lot of the stigma about someone who has DID. God bless her!!!

[@jenerin905]

I'm grateful for her strength and she is such an inspiration. I have different traumas and I don't have DID, but I completely understand how this can happen. Her story and openness make me want to continue my therapy journey. She is wonderful

[@selinaogorman8380]

Bless her indeed I adore her so much to and I never met her but I feel her beautiful spirit and her outlook on life I love this about her she has a huge caring heart for others and animals so I can relate to her on that so I love Encina so much what a great human being.❤️

[@rockulikeahurricane]

When she said, “i want to want to live” absolutely broke my heart ❤️ Watching and listening to her, it seems like she a a person who has it all together but inside she is in turmoil and that just shows that nobody knows what anyone is really going through or dealing with in life under an exterior smile. I pray for this person and want her to start feeling healed. I would love to follow her journey

[@bi.fruitsalad]

“I want to *want* to live” That hit me because this is what I’ve felt for so long. You’re not alone. Wishing lots of happiness and healing.

[@JunoBug427]

She is so clearly intelligent, I'm sure that adds to the grief of what she's going through. I wish we could think our way out of things like this.

[@MellowJelly]

Thankfully a place of stability is reachable with DID where one can live a fulfilling life, it takes time, sometimes it comes and goes, but I hope their system finds that balance :(

[@selinaogorman8380]

She knows who she is which I love and respect her deeply she is confident as she is despite what happened to her she knows herself and exactly that to very intelligent I love this to.

[@rebeccanascimento8234]

I’ve seen a video of Encina a long time ago and I’m so happy to see her again. She’s so absolutely strong is unbelievable. I believe there’s gonna be a special place in paradise for people who struggle with mental health. Ps: Encina darling, your hair color and eyebrows are pure perfection 😍

[@sarahcouture24]

Oh man 😢 the part when he asked her if she believed she could heal, her response broke my heart 💔 because you can just feel the hopelessness and desperation in her voice. She’s trying so hard, and she has been her whole life, it sounds like. I can so relate to the frustration and pain of that. I hope she can find relief from her horrific trauma one day 🙏🏻

[@shrotcake]

I really appreciate you talking so candily about this! My client has DID and it has been so hard for them. Talking about it and educating people helps with the stigma so much

[@sweetest-of-memes]

I’m absolutely sobbing listening to Encina, I feel for her so much. I know that desperation to heal and fight for your life all too well and anyone who’s been on that journey knows it’s difficult beyond words. I’ve been following Encina for a long time and to hear her so bravely and articulately advocate for herself and all of us is a beautiful thing. Keep up the good fight Encina, we believe in you!!’

[@Azulblueone]

So difficult. Getting out of that never ending hole that is depression.

[@TofuTeo]

I wish you well on your healing journey. May you find all the love and support you need. ❤

[@ronitgreenblum7182]

Encina, 30 is young!! You have so much more to live. You will see , you will keep growing, adapting, healing. Mark your progress, every 6 months, every year, and yes there will be ups and downs but you will and can move in a positive direction. Good luck on this journey. You are not alone. We are all here. Life and living are worth fighting for.

[@barb7124]

If 30 is old, then I am screwed. Forty-two must be elderly.

[@kirpdeb]

Telling someone that they have a long life ahead can be a disheartening proposition if someone is struggling with their desire to live… It has been a lifetime struggle for me. It is like telling someone in agony of a horrible huge burn with no real end of the pain in sight. Sometimes it feels better and then something happens and the blister breaks or the scab falls off or you burn the same spot again. I know that it is a well meaning comment but I just want to give some insight.

[@leonora993]

Absolutely agree

[@annaburns2865]

When someone has been through that much trauma they have lived beyond their years. It’s like she is 60 or 90 emotionally. I know that is how I feel at 33 anyway. I know I will never live to be 90 because of all the stress I have been through. And especially when you think of all the people in their 20s, teens, childhoods or even babies that have died of natural causes or suicides. The fact that she has fought and made it to 30 is an accomplishment and should be seen as such. Not told that it is nothing compared to a senior citizen. That senior citizen probably never had to go through what she did.

[@shahilagh]

@@kirpdeb exactly. these words actually put pressure and are disheartening when the situation is just like what you said. I get you but people dont understand when they never experienced this. I used to say to my mom who... do you like to live? and she said of course. so for someone like that, it makes no sense ..

[@bwhitedpencilbox889]

Hearing her talk about holding Minnie and taking care of her is so BEAUTIFUL. Look at her, healing her own inner child, it’s really a miracle if you think about it ♥️♥️♥️

[@user-xg9tv4vu3k]

Encina, I am struggling with wanting to want to live. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable and saying what people are afraid to say. We love you so much! ❤️

[@selinaogorman8380]

I also love her so much as well I never met her yet still I feel like I already do what a incredible brave woman she a beautiful gem seriously beautiful soul.❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@shawnmartin8960]

I could literally feel the waves of pain she was fighting to keep her composure with some of the questions. Unfortunately i can relate to major depressive disorder and among all of my own "disorders" is definitely the hardest to deal with and most debilitating, not to mention therapy resistant.....Seriously thank you, that was very brave and selfless of you and you may be surprised what your words and courage can do for others

[@hindsightpov4218]

25:03 Kyle: “Which one is the hardest for you?” Encina: “The depression.” - I can attest to that. Other than my clinical depression, I have C-PTSD, anxiety, OCD, ADHD, SAD, plus others to a lesser extent. But by far what’s most painful and debilitating is my depression. It’s all-consuming that affects everything in my life including my physical health. I have very low energy that I can barely do my job and basic home chores, much less do activities for personal enjoyment. My depression also exasperates my other conditions. Depression can fluctuate from bad times to less bad times. When my depression gets worse, so does my OCD, SAD, anxiety and flashbacks of childhood abuse become much more frequent and intense. The opposite is also true.

[@lorianne4608]

It really is indescribably horrible

[@annaburns2865]

It’s sad when people don’t realize how debilitating depression is.

[@jenniferstephens4191]

Get you, bro. Bad times, less bad times. Never good, but the "less bad" times can be a sigh of relief.

[@butterfly4537]

May I ask how your daily habits are? Which information do you consume? I mean that on a dietary level, on a mental level, on an emotional level, on an environmental level, on a spiritual level. What do you give your energy to? Which choices do you make that create depression?

[@deren2001]

I had a friend who could be a cheerful childish person one day, and become a sarcastic dark and reserved person the next. Her walk, voice and style of dressing would even change. But it only got me thinking of DID when on several occasions she did not seem to remember, or go in total denial of some story she told me before. It was so confusing for me as an outsider, I can't even imagine how she most have felt. I don't know if she was ever diagnosed with DID, I'm just speculating of course

[@NYLily07]

Sounds like my sister… never thought she could have DID … 👋

[@tiff9540]

That’s not what you think you’re so dumb I swear to god, you think you know everything but don’t at all. People can be happy but also have problems in life. Life is unpredictable. It’s about getting better and happier. The happier you are the happier. You can be happy but still have bad moments in life. That’s just part of life. It’s life

[@MellowJelly]

@@tiff9540 From one mellow to another, you need to chill the f*** out lol

[@MellowJelly]

It could be so many things like another form of amnesia, manic depression, anything only a doctor could find, but yes I think it's good to notice those patterns in friends and be open to the idea that they are going through so much more than we can see

[@mstmarieprov]

I was with someone who likely had DID as a symptom of their BPD. Anyone who thinks you'd have to be a medical professional to know DID when you encounter it has clearly never experienced it.

[@tvdv3416]

I have a friend who would go to sleep; when he woke up he would find all these notes all over his house. Some of them would be weird reminders to do mundane tasks, like shopping lists. Others would be rage filled rants that didn't seem to be directed at anyone at all. Different hand writing, different vernaculars, some looked like maybe they were written by a left handed person. This went on for months. It got to the point where he didn't want to go home, because he thought someone was stalking him. He would stay for a few days at my house or another friend, and miraculously when he would return, everything was as he left it. It turned out it was him. He had a serious carbon monoxide leak in his house, and incredibly, that is a fairly typical response. I recognize that these are different but I can't help but wonder if there is something that can be learned about personality fragmentation that could be useful in treating DID.

[@Anne-pj7ny]

I read that story on Reddit as well

[@ladybug9708]

Yes! Teal Swan has a great video called Fragmentation the Worldwide Disease. Check her out! She’s a survivor of severe abuse! I’ve found great healing using her process she teaches called The Completion Process where we reintegrate our fragmented selves! I hope Kyle will get her on MedCircle she’s a genius!

[@whitneykedzierski2605]

Yea physcologucsl and scientific studies have lead to the belife that major life threatening events cause a natural form of dmt to b realeased in the child's brain and studies show it to b the baseline on how did is formed.. read up on the bodies neuro endocrinological system... you're welcome

[@MellowJelly]

@@ladybug9708 Just know that integration and fusion aren't the ultimate goal for every person with DID or OSDD.

[@ladybug9708]

@@MellowJelly Interesting. Thanks for your perspective. I never thought of that.

[@moni4peace]

I got emotional listening to Enica's voice crack recounting her life story. The pain she is in is heartbreaking. I truly wish for her to feel whole and have joy in her life.

[@seabee5695]

Thank you Med Circle, for opening this conversation and acknowledging DID and potential co-occuring disorders. With time, our professional therapy community will gain greater understanding and acceptance. Thank you Encina! Your Bravery and Fight, is an Inspiration to All on this Journey. Blessings🦋

[@kerenvalentin9675]

It gets much better with time. I have DID myself for many years, and it never truly goes away. You learn to work together and after time it softens. I love my alter, I am them and they are me. Working together makes a big difference, but that also come with time.

[@khalidwarsaw]

as a psychiatrist I need to go back to watch this again multiple times, she is well aware of her mental health, she and her therapist did such a great job

[@sedonna]

This episode moved me so much. I deeply empathize with her for some of her psychological conditions and tough emotions. I just want to tell her she is not alone in this, and these are her testing points in life, which she is dealing with really really well. I congratulate you for being so mature about yourself and doing your best to overcome your struggles. Im sure you will find your healing and relief much more progressively in time. We are together in this girl, never give up on hopes and dreams.

[@ForAnkhee]

She had to relive a lot in this interview just to educate us. The interviewer needs trauma informed education and needs to handle people a lot more delicately. She is a hero and a force of nature. I hope and know she will find her happily ever after and the magic that she seeks. Much love to her 💗

[@LakeGael]

I was recently diagnosed in 2019 with DID and I've struggled to relate to online communities, but so much of what she said made sense to me and to what I experience, thanks for this video.

[@Mariemarie-uw7id]

My fiance he has DID and had two personalities and the other one hates me :( its been truly a difficult road

[@LakeGael]

@@Mariemarie-uw7id that's certainly tough to deal with. One of my alters is a bisexual woman who mostly leans towards women, but I'm a gay man married to another man.

[@tiredallthetime1636]

“I want to want to live” describes exactly how I feel. I’ve never been able to really describe it but that’s it exactly

[@maryhatleymeyer]

I’m so sorry for her. How would anybody not have all kinds of issues with what she’s been through? I hope she will one day find peace and happiness in her life. 🙏

[@suepeasebanitt]

30 is so young to be this far in your healing. Keep going; you will heal!

[@Truthseeker0926]

This video was epic!!! It was informative and healing too!! I now know that I have complex ptsd, diagnosed with Bipolar type Ii, Adhd generalized anxiety disorder and depression and the other one where you feel uncomfortable in social settings 🙃. As an uneducated African American, divorced and poor. I couldn't afford continuing therapy. I still struggle daily on "wanting to live ". I thoroughly understood everything she explained. This was so beautiful and much needed as I am in a depressed state right now.

[@lindadetloff3370]

You are no longer uneducated my dear! Never discount your life! No matter good or bad, we gained something from our struggles. It made us stronger and more compassionate for others around us. You are so lovable!! God loves you!! He doesn’t make junk!! Life will get better very very soon!! Embrace it! Love yourself and grow with God! Best wishes my dear and thank you for stopping and saying hello!! 🙋‍♀️

[@natalieababio8067]

Reading this made me want to cry, I hope and pray and KNOW you will find the strength and support to keep living and really live. I am thinking of you always, and I love you truly. It won’t be hard forever.

[@Candyy248]

The other one where you feel uncomfortable on social settings You mean social anxiety??

[@ThatgirlLondon.]

One your a beautiful educated women! you learn something everyday like the next human being! I hope you are doing okay love

[@many-but-one]

I relate to Encina so much. I was diagnosed with DID in my early 20s. I had no idea i had the disorder in any capacity, didn’t even know I had childhood trauma that could cause such a disorder. When I first started seeing my trauma therapist, it wasn’t for that at all. But after seeing my trauma specialist for a bit over a year, she started noticing a lot of things that she would consider red flags for DID, and when she mentioned internal parts and an internal child and actually addressed what she called my “inner child” I had a breakdown and things started coming out. Alters became known and the alter that kind of runs everything started communicating with me more. It was hell for probably the entire first year of therapy. I was still almost completely unaware of my trauma except that it was probably CSA related, and I only knew about 5 alters. It’s now been almost a year and a half and I know of 28, and there are more I am unaware of according to several alters I’ve spoken to. It’s so scary. It’s a nightmare every day. Trauma has slowly been uncovered and I’ve learned that people I thought I trusted committed horrible acts of atrocity to me, a child. It’s such an isolating disorder, too. We say we’re never alone because we have each other (jokingly) but the reality is that we are so alone. Nobody in my life understands the hell I go through every day. The dissociation, the amnesia, the depression, the flashbacks and nightmares daily. The fear that one day another alter will front and end our life is a real fear of mine. I want to want to live, but it’s hard. It’s so hard. Communication is better now and i know I cope better than I used to, but the fear of never recovering still looms over me. It’s been well over a decade and a half since it all happened and I’m just now learning the effects it has on me. It’s a horrific disorder borne from a mind who was so overwhelmed with terror that it split itself to survive. I have hope that I will recover, but some days truly feel hopeless at times. I’m early on in my DID therapy, but I know that even if I learn everything that happened and alters integrate and fuse, I will always live with what happened to me. My life was forever changed by selfish, depraved men. I am bitter about it, for sure. Seeing Encina is heartbreaking because sometimes I feel like I’m looking in a mirror. We have been through different things, but our brains coped similarly. I understand her pain to an extent. It’s so hard. But she will survive and thrive, and so will I (we). Much love, Encina. We wish you well. -Many But One system

[@msskullyskeletonia7802]

I can't help but feel uncomfortable that he asked her about her trauma. Did she agree to disclose that information? Some people are okay with talking about it, but you have to be really careful bringing up a topic that is that deep. People should never feel pressured to share that if they aren't comfortable with it.

[@AnxietyRat]

With these type of interviews they are usually sent the questions ahead of time....so yeah, she most likely absolutely knew that question was going to be asked. But yeah that's not a question you spring on someone. She has talked about her trauma in other interviews as well...so this wasn't the first time she has ever been asked the question.

[@msskullyskeletonia7802]

@@AnxietyRat oh, ok. that makes me feel better

[@clarebrady1532]

It's good to hear from Encina again. As someone in their mid 30s living with DID and a host of other conditions, mental and physical, all I can say is hang in there and keep going to therapy. Do things that make you feel good. It does get easier.

[@jacquelynklepinger2763]

I never knew DID was a legitimate disorder until I started watching these interviews. Encina, you’re absolutely lovely. Every part that encompasses you.

[@Brittani_13]

Oh Encinca, Thank you for this interview 🙏 I stopped the video to comment at 18:22. I struggle with DID, complex PTSD, anxiety, and major depressive disorder, severe, and recurrent. I’m writing this from my inpatient hospital bed 28 days after a near lethal attempt. I cannot believe you said “I want to want to live.” I quite literally say that ALL the time. Word for word. I hate that you feel that way, but I feel so much less alone. I’m leaving tmrw and am trying to hold onto hope. Thank you for your interview, for your words, for eradicating stigma. I can see the beauty and resilience in you. If I can see it in you and we’ve gone through similar (based on what you’ve shared), it must mean that there is beauty and resilience in me too. I want to want to live, and I WANT you to live. You are a gift 💚

[@anacondrat3157]

I cannot express how grateful I am to Encina and the MedCircle team for taking the time and effort to do this and educate us all. Encina, I can only imagine the hardship you experienced so far... You are beyond incredible, I am in awe. There are so many people out there who live in that Disneyland world you mentioned and still lack courage, resilience, and an honest, kind heart like yours. I hope you'll wake up wanting to want to live day after day for a long, long time. And I hope the world around you will help with that as much as possible. ❤️

[@KimberliRoyal]

I am 57 years old and just recently got diagnosed with D.I.D. I am struggling big time to come to grips with this. I have a wonderful therapist, but I still cannot believe this is real myself.

[@dragunflys]

How are you doing now, Kimberli? ❤ This comment really touched me. I am a young adult that was diagnosed with D.I.D earlier this year, and knowing others have struggled and are currently struggling the way I have been really makes me feel better, knowing that there is hope since others have not given up as well…

[@bsnowden]

This was my diagnosis and struggled very similarly. TMS was the only thing that worked. I no longer have symptoms, just learning to live without constant suicidal thoughts. I wish I'd found it decades ago. Life is now worth living.

[@reason4being868]

What is TMS?

[@Mahogany777]

That's amazing!

[@bsnowden]

@@Mahogany777 it really is. I'm amazed more people don't try it.

[@bsnowden]

@@reason4being868 transcranial magnetic stimulation. It's now covered by insurance.

[@ginacheselka6086]

I want that really bad

[@goldielocks6467]

"I want to want to live". Right there with you. I wish it was easier.

[@moonlightmelodiesasmr3766]

I resonated with this so much. I have CPTSD and a bunch of other things and I totally understand having to fight to feel okay. It’s like an uphill battle through quicksand.

[@teresaherzogmourad2721]

Difficult to listen to insensitive questions from interviewer, Show some empathy, please. Encina, you are an inspiration. Hang in there.

[@maxwellversed]

I love hearing about Encina’s experience, but no one should ask someone to describe their trauma (especially a DID system)... smh 😭 Educate interviewers because stuff like this can be harmful and re-traumatizing.

[@zeldatanit6034]

Yeah i know right? As if anyone is going to give explicit details of their abuse just out of nowhere...

[@maryhatleymeyer]

This is the first MedCircle interview where I didn’t really like this guy, the interviewer. He didn’t seem empathetic or genuinely caring at all. He seemed just curious and detached. This was a much more heavy episode than what I’ve seen previously on MedCircle.

[@reveude]

I love Encina so much. I watched the first interview years ago, also with Kyle, and he was so kind and understanding towards her and Minnie. The question about her trauma was pre-planned, I don’t think it was something that came out of nowhere. Kyle is a really sweet guy and he is considerate to Encina .. if you guys haven’t watched the first interview, I really recommend it. It touches my heart every time.

[@iowagirl19631]

I am so impressed with this young woman!! She has such perseverance, and I'm sorry this was loaded down on her.

[@CONCI3RGE]

I admire her grace, elegance, and generosity. It encourages me, as someone diagnosed with most of those same complications. And it also encourages me as a human who sees her bravery and effort; it gives me a precious bit more faith.

[@leonora993]

So interesting, bless her heart. She's such a strong woman, intelligent and genuine. Much love to her

[@sixelathegoddess4025]

Encina, I thank you so much for sharing! You speak so eloquently and exude charisma and confidence. I also have d.I.d. CPTSD, severe anxiety and bipolar. I’ve lived a life not understanding myself at all. I lived to be socially accepted and to somehow be loved. The men traumatized me so badly. It took a lifetime to figure it out. At this point, I’m 42 and I’m just now understanding the alters. In my case they don’t have names, but I recently read about a man who said his mom was his mom, dad, little sister, best friend and baby. I resonate with that the most. Also I have an alter that abuses me like the men did. And that led to life or death fights. I commend you! Please be an advocate and get a job just helping others through NAMI or another organization. I’m starting life all over again, for the last time. There will be happiness! Meditate, Practice Gratitude and Pray!

[@LSanMarco]

I wish there was a way we could donate healthy mental health “qualities” the same way we could donate our organs… she is everything. Cheering for you!

[@watercolourferns]

"It's just a thought about not wanting to be alive, everyday"... THAT'S IIIIIT!!! FINALLY SOMEONE ARTICULATED IT BETTER THAN I EVER COULD!!! this is exactly what I feel every day. And I sometimes feel I'm the only one in the system who feels like this, but I know I'm not I don't know what breaks my heart more... Thank you for saying that because that's exactly what it is!

[@godandgardening]

You are so strong Encina! You've got this don't give up you are helping so many, and so much is being learned about physchology every day!

[@SnakeAndTurtleQigong]

Sending love and hugs to anyone who needs one while watching this. You’re not alone! 💙🤗🌈

[@nataliagomezsalas6382]

You are magical, a wonderful being that even when going through so many difficulties you seek to help other people. You are not alone, thank you for your valuable presence in this world.

[@ayannalegros8498]

Encina Severa you are incredible! I respect your resilience and self-awareness. I used to skip this video thinking, "This does not apply to me." This is so untrue. We all need to learn as much as possible.

[@aga7548]

watching them talk and go from one topic to another so smoothly is really amazing, i wish her the best luck on battling all the struggles she is dealing with ❤

[@Hummingbird25]

I feel like given her extreme trauma she is already so healed. But of course healing is a journey and I pray she gets complete healing and contentment

[@CrimsonVioletMoon]

Disneyland is mine too. I spend an embarrassing amount of my free time watching livestreams on tik tok and KZbin because often it’s the only thing that can calm me down. I turn those on and I’m instantly relaxed. It’s like the one place on earth where things are always okay and everything works out, and I guess watching them helps me internalize that feeling a little bit.

[@MellowJelly]

I usually cry at Disney and Pixar movies and things of that nature because my inner child gets to fully come out and be at peace and be innocent for those couple hours of movie time. I've never been to Disneyland but it would be so magical. I feel the same way about Harry Potter series. Also love to see Sally in your pfp

[@CrimsonVioletMoon]

@@MellowJelly You should check out some of the walkthroughs and ride povs from the Harry Potter part of universal studios, there are some really fabulous attractions there and the architecture is incredible.

[@xMissQueenxo]

She is so beautiful inside and out.. and SOO strong. I personally dont have DID but do have severe depression and others and even hearing her just talk about that is so inspiring. She is SO inspiring. I hope more ppl w/ DID see this and it helps them

[@ardhanarisvara333]

When she talked about PMDD, I got that. It's not the same, but I now know that I'd had gender dysphoria every time I had a period. But I also had cysts and fibroids that made my periods so much worse than my peers. I had a hysterectomy and it was the best thing I ever did for myself.

[@lovehilaryanne]

she is so brave and strong. I really connect with a lot of what she says. When she says, "I'm 30 years old and I've been through a lot of treatments" I felt that so much. You feel like you're at a point where is this all there is? will this be forever? like it should be fixed by now. Its very hard to just sit with yourself, and say, no there is still growing and learning and healing to do. the work is never done. that relentless pursuit for healing and being inspired rather than depressed. "I want to want to live" GIRL YOURE SO BEAUTIFUL I LOVE YOU AND I EMPATHIZE WITH YOU. I know you and I will have relief

[@WillowWandering]

My heart breaks for her. She is such an amazing person to have endured what she has and still be so poised, creative and still have unwavering determination to heal!!! She is so strong. I wonder if, in addition to her regular therapy, if alternative approaches may help? Like energy work, reiki, meditation, etc. There are so many approaches out there. I just hope she will be able to finally have one psychiatrist or healer that will stick by her for good. I have heard from many spiritual teachers that all she is looking for is already within her. So perhaps regular meditation could bring answers?

[@te9591]

Meditation and reiki are overrated. Holistics methods can help but if someone has a severe chemical imbalance then they should try treating with western practice.

[@WillowWandering]

@@te9591 I agree, I said in addition to traditional western practice, but she’s saying it’s helping but that she is still suffering greatly. So, why not try something different?

[@te9591]

@@WillowWandering yeah, i agree. But I've grown up with a type of new age hippy parents and ive seen how they have no practical awareness towards clinical diagnosis and that kind of mentality may offer other solutions but might not get someone documented progress. And yes, there is a power in positive social practices. Yoga etc.

[@PrincessWestL]

I don't know how to explain it but in this video and the previous, I felt Kyle, whom I usuallty love, may not have tapped into his mpst empathetic self here. I salute Encina for holding her own, answering all the questions with grace. I hope this exposure is healing and not hurting for her

[@kkkkkbbbbb97]

Man I just wanna give her a hug

[@nicitakoski5600]

as a young adult who has now diagnosed DID, i was scared and mad and confused about it, but hearing your struggles, it feels familiar and safe--- and i thought you could be an amazing spokes person about this! MUCH love to you, huggels and snuggles

[@jonathana374]

This is an amazing interview. Truly humbling to listening to Encina.... "I want to want to live".

[@WhosScarielle]

Man I started crying when she talked about having to relive everything with a new therapist over and over. But I lost it when she talked about wanting to want to live because I've never heard someone else say that out loud. I too am 30, and have gone through a lot of trauma and loss. I also feel like completely healing is not possible, but I want to want to be here. Especially for the people I love.

[@erinashley6970]

It's so weird I was just thinking yesterday! You are amazing!❤️ You make me feel less alone. I have so many mental health issues, that they can never tell me exactly what I have. I have been diagnosed with a handful of things, except did. At 32, I'm still confused with who I am & how my brain works. Can't wait to see the other episodes!🙌

[@alisonsattler6396]

I really hope that Encina is being paid for this series as she is truly offering a great education! She offers so much insight into her condition and could help others who have or treat those illnesses/symptoms so much. I hope that she is able to feel better knowing she's making a huge difference in others' lives by sharing hers so openly and compassionately. I'm amazed at her perseverence and stregnth, and hope she finds relief and happiness soon!

[@TofuTeo]

Yes I hope she's paid!

[@lindacampbell9070]

Courage, strength and committment, really impressed with her determination to heal and be as whole as she can be. Encina is being a pro-active as she can in taking her life back and being the amazing, creative person she obviously wants and need to be.

[@jovialnobody]

I highly appreciate what Encina is doing in way of advocacy regarding DID and mental health in general, I learned so much just from watching her interviews. She's such a courageous, clear-minded and kind person and I hope reading some of the comments here filled with love and empathy manages to give her some sense of relief ❤

[@andersonsystem2]

We have DID and we totally understand this and we would agree totally that depression sucks and the loss of time between switching can also be very intense as well. Good interview mates keep up the hard work.

[@twiztidyournutz]

We pronouns confuse other individuals sometimes.

[@natashapeterson116]

Trauma survivor here, I really appreciated when people asked openly about my trauma it aloud me to not hide. That's just me, but I know I'm not alone. God love you.

[@pfcampos7041]

I have very recently diagnosed with DID, I also have CPTSD with depression and anxiety. I also have ADHD. Encina you are an inspiration to me. I understand your frustration, i struggled with suicidal ideation for years! I would say until my mid 30's. I am now 49 almost 50. I still struggle with deppression/anxiety but I have the will to live now. I also have a nephew who is struggling with some of the same issues also. To live this life with these disorders you have to have lots of courage and tenacity. I can see that you have it in spades. You can do it girl! 👏💗🙏😁

[@MellowJelly]

people like you and Encina are my heroes in life because you have had to work so much harder just to survive every day life

[@Cathy-xi8cb]

I encorage you to ask your diagnostician how the two diagnoses differ. Listen closely to the answer. Then check the manual for diagnoses and think about how you fit and how they rule out one or the other. You may be healthier than you think you are!

[@elliottcomber5002]

@@Cathy-xi8cb im not sure what part of their comment youre seeing that contrasts diagnosis wise. It is definitely possible to have multiple diagnosis. CPTSD and DID are almost always co occurring together.

[@Cathy-xi8cb]

@@elliottcomber5002 Read the DSM. You don't have both. You have one or the other. The symptoms of CPTSD are folded into the DID diagnosis, but amnesia and identity separation/ability to act separately are unique to DID. That is how a diagnosis is made.

[@elliottcomber5002]

@@Cathy-xi8cb i am very aware of the DSM, and I see psychologists regularly. Most people have both as a diagnosis. You CAN have both. They are Co occurring/ many people get a CPTSD diagnosis first and then a DID diagnosis after

[@glitterspray]

Encina can’t tell you how much I appreciate you saying that out of all your disorders you’d most like the depression gone. I’m starting to hear this more and more from others dealing with major disorders and disabilities.

[@karenbellini2240]

It's so good to see you Encina. You've grown in the last couple of years. You've got this. You will find what you're looking for. So much determination to live will be rewarded. Keep fighting for life. 🌹❤️

[@j.l.y7418]

She’s so well articulated and smart that she understands herself. I don’t have DID but everything else she mentions about consistency with a therapist, suicidal thoughts but wanting to live life and heal herself. It’s exhausting struggling, I feel her pain and completely understand 🙏🏻♥️ poor girl

[@debbysilence4495]

When I was diagnosed I had the same reaction. I was in denial as well. And as I tried to prove it was a wrong diagnosis I would talk to people who have known me my whole life and when I told them that I had DID they all would say oh that makes so much sense because each one of them had had an experience with me that confused them or multiple experiences if they were close to me.

[@42ls]

Are you able to remember the alter personalities?

[@Hieifireshadow]

SO PROUD of encina. she is struggling but she is so damned strong for sticking around.. she's doing incredible work educating people. as someone with MDD and anxiety, i felt so many of her words to my core. we can both get through this encina. i will remember your words and push through ❤️ also um just want to make the comment that encina did tell kyle this same piece of her trauma in the original interview without being prompted 😭😭 it did come off kind of strong here but like others have mentioned, interviewees are consulted about questions for big interviews like this and she had every right (even if it wasn't scripted/shown to her) to just say no!! i just don't want to see kyle thrown under the bus after all the growth he's made since the first interview 😭 granted this is 4 years old now but i like to see the positives in peoples' journeys. THAT SAID commenters you are all loved and i hope your day was good today ❤

[@CamboTriton]

Proud of your fight against the illness, Encina. I'm right there with you, well, I'm a bit older at 53, LOL. Keep fighting, Encina and I will too.

[@furlycee]

The interviewer asked some really great questions here and responded well with emotions that came to the surface. Lots of credit and admiration to both of you! So much respect for Encina for being willing to open up about this and being so thoughtful and honest with all of the questions asked, even though I know they were all incredibly difficult. It takes a very strong person to be honest with these questions, especially answering them for an "audience".

[@chrisaustin1284]

I love her aura and her name is absolutely awesome!

[@colleenhouser2714]

My brain didn't developed alters, but it protected me by blocking my entire childhood from my memory. I have no memories. I also have severe depression. I am worried that some day those memories will return. Encino is a true inspiration!! She's giving alot of people hope!

[@Javierm0n0]

I gotta thank you for helping us understand the realities that are apparent with DID. Im sending good vibes to you on your journey, i know at least, how the depression gets. 💜

[@ashleyburries1822]

How horrible that she had to go through that with her own dad!!! 💔 I really and truly wish her the Absolute BEST!!!

[@tonirosellosavlog]

Thank you for posting this i watched 2months ago her video that her other alter came out while doing the interview with you kyle,sending lots of hug to you encina.

[@9401maru]

I really want to be her friend. Such strength and perseverance is mind-blowing. Girl, you're amazing.

[@M127-j8l]

What a lovely lady. I hope she finds some solutions to these issues

[@enough1494]

The best part of Google, ATT and Apple is that they are so obvious! I spoke to a family member of my fraudulent diagnosis in a nasty divorce and here is this video, second on my feed! My heart goes out to all of them for soon they will be erased from our lives. Moving forward you are a brave woman to put yourself out there in a world of distorted reality! You are probably more stable than they will ever wish to be! Blessings!

[@christie.grefff]

I just love her so much! I absolutely wish the best for her and hope she finds her Disney Land! ❤️