Speak up! 3 ways to stop Doctors from blowing off your concerns

[@lyndalovesraccoons]

Have you ever considered teaching? We, the people, NEED MORE drs with YOUR mindset. ...

[@APang-gw1du]

There are no more Doctors like we have in the 50's; honest, not money hungry. compassionate, not in a hurry, does thorough clinical examination, highly respected.!!! Now they don't do tho- rough exam. The machines make the exam,.for them.

[@blackorchid2180]

Went to my doctor with a continuously high pulse rate ... I was told it was most likely anxiety or stress ... this continued for a few months until he decided to put me on a Holter Monitor ... showed a few minor “incidents” ... still most likely “stress related” ... cardiologist felt the same thing but sent me for other tests ... long story short ... nearly 12 months later it was discovered that my “anxiety and stress” was a blockage in my heart which needed open heart surgery ... the drugs I now have to take are causing some debilitating side effects and keeping me housebound ... but again ... “anxiety, stress and mood” are the cause ... it is so easy for a lot of doctors to dismiss a woman’s health issues as depression and think anti-depressants will solve the problem ... I wish all those who read this health and happiness.

[@Hollyucinogen]

That happened to me, too. For 28 years, my doctors just kept saying, "It's anxiety", "You need therapy", and "You need anti-depressants". Then they increased my dosage to 2 times a day, then to 3 times a day and I still had those symptoms, so they put me in therapy (that didn't help), and then they switched me to atypical anti-psychotics (that didn't help either). I actually had to figure out what was wrong with me myself because they just kept saying that it was psychological. It wasn't. I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. Based on what I've seen, the medical community does this to women a lot (claims that all of their medical issues are psychological). I started bringing my Dad with me to all of my medical appointments afterwards. I'm in my 30s, I shouldn't have to do that. 😒 Edit: oh, and did I also mention that they occasionally stop giving me medication because they "just want to see what happens", until my Dad threatens to sue them?

[@blackorchid2180]

@@Hollyucinogen I am so sorry you suffered for so long before you were correctly diagnosed ... I hope all is well with you now.

[@AfroSnackey]

The only people more discriminated than woman in the healthcare industry are minorities lmao!

[@simon-515]

Going through this right now. I have burning pain in my lower back and both shoulders. Then it turns into musculature pain in those areas to the point I have to log roll out of bed and accompanied by violent migraines and shortness of breath. It feels like my entire body is inflamed. He wants to put me on antidepressants. I cannot take any that they gave previously tried. They affect my heart. So frustrated. Being bed ridden for days at a time is becoming ridiculous.😊

[@mdelorme3698]

So sorry to hear , the 2 commentators here, for the suffering, being snubbed by your docs and misadiagnosed..

[@BanditLeader]

Lots of patients feel like "an object that needs to be fixed" and not "a person that needs help", which is leads to higher stress, anxiety, and distrust

[@ssmouse77]

Good message from you. I think that between fixed vs helped would be a thin blurred line. I'll be thinking on this and I do believe you are making an excellent point. My goal is to see it exactly to lighten up the frustration I am living. Thanks.

[@95mudshovel]

"maybe you're a woman." thanks for acknowledging that we are more frequently blown off than men. it's tough out here.

[@ashleysmith9516]

I had my spine permanently destroyed by male doctors who were more concerned about my weight - and I'm not even overweight. Had to get my own xrays with a coupon from groupon just to force them to even look despite how visible my bones were sticking out of place and constantly dislocating/subluxing.

[@jeancariker911]

Women seek medical care more often than men, so maybe that’s part of it.

[@shaunp792]

I’m an African American female and I get gaslighted by some doctors. I even tell them my family medical history and some are still dismissive about my health. I say continue to advocate for yourself and if you can bring a spouse/friend who isn’t afraid to speak up especially when you’re too sick and getting to the appointment took all of your energy.

[@CreatureGirlInc]

Survive. Adapt. Overcome. I just give them a glare, then smirk and ask if they are "man-strating". (Moodier than usual/hormonal shifts. Which everyone goes through). Confused Pikachu face. People universally don't like it. But it does help people see how chalking up an actual issue to "hormonal"? Just sucks.

[@CreatureGirlInc]

@greengrace21 yeah....tried nicer ways and they were less successful. But if they see what I'm getting at it certainly opens up some discussion. Which is more nice.

[@gabrielsaad2785]

Dr K, I think Medical schools should include your videos in their curriculum.

[@heidimisfeldt5685]

💯%

[@Tru-j5u]

My understanding is big pharma decides/highly influences what is taught in medical school. Pls correct me if what I heard is wrong, but makes sense.

[@MandM-Fish60]

Doctors ignoring women is not limited to gyn issues. It can be anything and everything. I’ve talked with many female fibromyalgia patients who have complained about the medical community across the board blowing off their concerns.

[@mdelorme3698]

I am a female with fibro, and i attest to the truth behind your comment, i have experienced what you are stating..

[@POELLEN]

I'm also a female with fibromyalgia and possibly other autoimmune disorders and I've basically been written off by every doctor. I've been in contact with all they want to do is put me on antidepressants bunch of serious stuff with massive side effects. They keep telling me I have too many symptoms. I have to laugh every time I hear that I had one rheumatologist tell me when I was beginning to think that I had something wrong going on that it was because I was old and that I have hormones. Yes I understand that as you get older your body changes excetera but not with the symptoms I'm having. It's like they have absolutely sympathy in regards to quality of life. Its so absolutely frustrating😢😢.

[@trudymaenza9672]

Amen, yes!

[@robiny.4395]

It’s such a horrible diagnosis. My son has had Fibro for years and he’s 27 now.

[@robiny.4395]

@@POELLEN Most doctors are clueless about Fibro and how to treat it. I researched doctors in California, there’s a top doc in the SF Bay Area and one in Salt Lake City. Also, Mayo Hospitals seem to be finding success. I think an MD who’s a naturopathic doc might be better. There are so many underlying issues with Fibro. Diet, as well as parasites. One surgeon has some amazing studies, and the thought of parasites, even with MS blew me away. Her name is, Dr. Lee Merritt.

[@melanierandolph6953]

You are such a kind man. Wish there were more doctors like you.

[@bigmiked6390]

It never gets that far. When i meet a doctor and feel no proper communication, i simply thank them for their time, get up and walk out

[@CoastieCastaways]

I have complained about being out of breath for 2 years and couldn’t even lay down to sleep. I have also commented about my high blood pressure. I have horrible family history on both sides of family. My dad and brother both died at age 50. I finally took control and saw a cardiologist on my own and had a 80% blockage in LAD and another 50%, 30%, 30%. I got a stent on Tuesday because I finally stood up for myself because I knew something was wrong.

[@lisasharf1442]

Thank God you did! That LAD is known as the “widow maker”. When I was working in cardiology (many years ago), what we knew as a “left main” that couldn’t accept a stent was an automatic ticket from the cath lab to the OR.

[@robiny.4395]

Wow, I’m so sorry you had to go through the added stress of having to become your own advocate. I’m glad you found a doc who listened.

[@inoshishi8]

We know our bodies more than anyone else, and that does not require the sciences the Drs learn to know such common sense. I'm glad you stood up and finally found a Dr not so futile! I hope you stay as well as you can.

[@ssmouse77]

My wishes to you for health and happiness. And yes, you are a "BraveNutt". I wiil be with you in spirit.

[@KatrSayet]

Keep well eat Pineapple..it is a blood thinner💛💛💛💛

[@bethwaller1789]

Every single major issue I have had, I have had to diagnose myself. If I leave it up to the physician, I end up paying through the nose for endless tests before they finally decide that I was right to begin with. I was a Corpsman in the Navy and an EMT and, still, they don't believe what I tell them.

[@MedicalSecrets]

Oh my goodness, that is so unfortunate. I hope that you have found healing through your self-awareness and education 🙏

[@mmsdecorator928]

I just transferred to a different doctor this week because my doctor kept blowing me off. I tried to keep speaking up respectfully and even took a family member with me to my last appointment, but he minimized my symptoms. I meet with my new doctor in two weeks, and I’m hoping this one will listen to my symptoms without acting irritated when I share symptoms or concerns. Some doctors are not going to change, no matter how much evidence you share or how much you try to talk about the care plan. This doctor is planning to retire soon, and acts like he’s already stopped caring. He shouldn’t be working with cancer patients.

[@patriciamika523]

I just went through a year's worth of surgery and infections. I'm so fortunate to have an outstanding team of doctors. I'm sorry about your situation.

[@DianeLee999]

I hope your new doctor has some empathy at the very least! You are not alone. Best wishes 💜

[@KiwikimNZ]

No your right, the day you start to forget that there is a human being sitting there in front of you, then it is a disservice to your patients to continue practicing. If your not inclined to have empathy or compassion for others then don’t enter the health profession! I’m a nurse and this problem is becoming more and more common and I am so sorry your concerns were not taken seriously ! All the very best on your quest fir wellness journey x

[@virginiamoss7045]

A big part of that older doctor's disconnect is due to the corporate takeover of health care in the US. Doctors are as much a victim of it as are the patients. Private equity has reduced health care to a factory floor turning out widgets. It's all about the money and all the profit that can be squeezed out of the populace. We must fix this! No more whining and complaining! Actual action is required now! If I knew what that action should be, I'd work to make it happen, but it's so massive that I have no idea. Still, we have to try.

[@kathyjones4869]

@@virginiamoss7045 the doctors that cause the injuries due to their lack of being able to do the right thing concerning patients and their care needs to have their license taken away!

[@ameliahenderson4955]

Also, don’t be afraid to become a patient of a newly trained doctor fresh out of residency. You may feel that they aren’t as experienced, but I found that with my new gynecologist, she is fresh, energetic and absolutely took her time with me and really listened. I had a bad experience with a more experienced doctor and was forced to find another. I am so happy. ❤

[@vickyalberts6716]

The new, young doctors are much easier to communicate with. They haven’t developed the god complex yet.

[@jeanniejones7377]

❤

[@anaabendroth3460]

Some of my best experiences have been with med students because I haven't had enough time to become jaded.

[@mdelorme3698]

Sorry people but most of the negative experiences that i have had have all been by young female doctors fresh out of residency, i am also a female , not much older than they are, and i wonder if that has had an impact on how i have been treated..Also whether or not i live in Canada and our health care is different, its still a broken system over in Canada..

[@kaypendergast5676]

​That is spot on true

[@erincecilliadyer3900]

My cardiologist asked why I was taking notes and he said that people take notes all the time but never look at them. I explained that I’m aSpeech Therapist with 42 years experience working with children with memory and I have memory issues. At 5he end of 5he session, he grabbed my notebook and asked me what .I leaned. So I told him. The next week, I gave him his own Stenography Pad. The note I wrote in it pointed out that this was for him to use with future patients who have memory problems just like me.

[@elizabethbrauer1118]

touché

[@licksnkicks1166]

Good for you! ❤

[@ioidt]

@@elizabethbrauer1118 tres

[@malomama4750]

When i was sick years ago, i had a doctor who refused to take a family medical history n i tried saying how worried i was about having cancer myself. She replied back n said if i had cancer i would have already been dead from it. Thats something nobody wants to hear. The irony is i found another doctor who gave me a diagnosis on my second appointment--- and it was uterine cancer. Sad i went to the other dr for 18 months and got brushed off - but doctor #2 nailed it right away

[@herahagstoz6934]

Respect and empathy are truly the first requirements for healing.

[@shewolfee4247]

First you have to admit that there is a problem..

[@pattiemoseley8752]

I have called out several Dr's and they completely resented it. One actually asked me to find another Dr

[@cmb3706]

They are too sensitive to constructive criticism. I was told by my doctor once when I was questioning her about why I had to wait so long she tells me to contact the office manager because she has other patients to see.. she didn't mind keeping me waiting but she had other patients to see

[@FartherReach]

Thanks for your advice. I recently had to set limits on an aggressive, narcissistic psychiatrist who seemed unable to listen. I told her that her anxiety was interfering with her ability to be helpful. I found this psychiatrist's dictatorial manner to be so potentially toxic that I reported her to the state medical board. Psychiatric patients can be especially vulnerable to mistreatment by sometimes well-meaning, sometimes oblivious health care workers with personal problems, especially under the constraints of managed care. Your recommendations are extremely helpful in this regard.

[@luzangel9844]

"As a female with spinal issues since a car accident as passenger at 16, 61 today, I speak up assertively with an advocate mindset and have had no problem firing a doctor that chooses to ignore my awareness of my body and mind. Emotional does not mean ignorant. It means pain and consequences of multiple health challenges affecting my abity to trust, therefor, relax. Respwctvis mutual, and being challenged by not being seen or heard by those who swore to help... disheartening! It's not easy starting all over with someone new hoping for better... but better is worth the effort if circumstances allow it! Gracias doctor. . for givin us women an 'I SEE YOU... I HEAR YOU heart!" Bless you! 🧡😇

[@cerezablack13]

1. Speak up assertively 2. Self Advocate mindset 3. Fire the doctor that ignores/ gaslight you ♥ yes yes yes to all of these!!

[@luzangel9844]

"When firing her... I made sure to respectfully but firmly address my missgivings with her superior. Not to get her in trouble and I said so... but to reassure the security of my records so she could not do something against me. Not saying she would but I had not fired a doctor before. I demanded that my records stay intact and at my disposal if needed until I find a more caring individual.. I remember this oncersation still today and it was impowering. Leting ho of the God complex doctor was healthy. I went to her thinking another women would get me. I guess being on government insurance lessens our value as human beings to dome regardless of gender. I am more atcease speaking what I need to always giving them respect but demanding the same in return!" 😇

[@simon-515]

@@luzangel9844 Unfortunately in Canada currently there are not enough doctors. There is no firing. Having a family doctor is a blessing. Mine just decided that ge gas to pull me off all my pain meds that I have been taking for over 15 years. I have fibro so I gave huge sensitivities to many meds. They finally got me on some that control tge pain and give me some quality of life. I gave not had a problem or increase in 15 years. But I complained about the new burning pain and he now wants to pull all my meds. I will seriously be in pain so great I will be in bed crying at least two days a week. I'm terrified.

[@dbullemer]

29 years ago, when I was pregnant with my daughter, I consistently brought up concerns about my daughter's movements. I even brought my mother to one of my appointments for support. My OB completely blew me off every time. I think he tried to chuck it up to it being my first pregnancy. About 2 weeks before her due date she stopped moving altogether. His nurse even said by looking at my fetal kick counts, she didn't think anything was wrong. But she sent me to the hospital anyway just to be sure. Long story short, they took her by emergency C-section the next day because she was in distress. She had had a stroke! Today she's a beautiful 29 year old lady who is an extremely high functioning epileptic. Please stand up for yourself! I now know that if I had done so, my daughter might not have the physical problems she has today.

[@mcrchickenluvr]

As a woman who’s fought to get my hysterectomy, I appreciate you saying something about us being ignored. I’ve had fibroids for several years. I’ve had painful, heavy periods since I was about 13. I wanted to get a hysterectomy a long time ago but not doctor would do it. They said I was too young and that I’d regret it later. Like I’d regret being in pain and vomiting for 2 days straight every month. My last OB finally listened to me but my insurance wouldn’t. All they’d cover was a myomectomy. Even though she told them that the chances of them growing back was high. Now that they have grown back they finally decided to cover it. My last OB sent me to another doctor who specializes in robotic gynecological surgery because she felt I’d be better off. I’m grateful that I finally found doctors who would listen. But it shouldn’t have taken nearly 10 years to do so. Even my current OB is upset with my last doctors and insurance. He said that I should’ve had this done 10+ years ago.

[@juliejanesmith57]

I’m so sorry you have had to go through all this. I have read so many stories like this and it always makes me so grateful for my ObGyn I was randomly assigned at 25. Never downplayed my symptoms. I told her my mother had fibroids and endometriosis and that was enough to schedule me a minor exploratory surgery to confirm that I had it all as well. I told her I wanted a hysterectomy and that I didn’t want kids and definitely never wanted to be pregnant and my husband and I (newlywed at the time) agreed on this. She never once asked his opinion on this though (I just offered it to let her knew he supported me), which I would have found entirely inappropriate. She never tried to talk me out of it or tell me “what if you change your mind?”. I was ready for all those. She just listened kindly then said “well good, this will be very straight forward then and you will be feeling much better soon” and went over the surgery and recovery and risks and informed consent documents. A few months later after some iron infusions to help my anemia before surgery, I had that rotten organ out and haven’t regretted it for a second and that was 14 years ago. The idea that in 20-ANYTHING a woman should be having to fight to get a diseased, not-vital organ removed “just in case our fragile little female brains change their mind later and we want to * give * some man a baby” later… no. Just no. You know what I was going to say to the doctor if she has tried ti fight me? Her: “You might change your mind and regret it later.” Me: “Ok? Do you think I haven’t considered that? I have is it possible? Of course. Do I think it’s likely, not very. Also, even if I wanted a baby right now, I’d have to have have at least 1, probably 2 surgeries just to get my uterus to a point where it might hold a pregnancy, then it would be high risk because of my myriad other health problems. So I don’t consider “keeping my uterus” synonymous with “fertility” when that uterus is diseased. And if I do regret it one day, that’s ok. We are humans, we do the best we can with the information we have at the time. Sometimes things change down the road that make us regret a past decision. We are all adults, we have to learn how to live with a lot of unpleasant emotions, regret is just another 1 of them. But I’m not going to suffer NOW for something I MIGHT regret later. That regret is just a small hypothetical possibility, while this suffering is real, now, here and not going to go away without taking action and this is the course of action I prefer. Haven’t missed having a period ever, especially since being cursed with heavy periods since 11.

[@matthanrath497]

Write down what you think in point form with the pretence of your understanding of what you think the plan is as if it weee common knowledge of what you have researched! Then they can say “ you can’t believe you see everything on line” then ask “what real and what is fake?”

[@reppi8742]

I had a hysterectomy when I was 26, back when doctors had authority. I had one child. I wish I could have given birth to more but I NEVER regretted having the surgery done. I adopted. I've been on HRT ever since. A few years ago my insurance company decided I didn't need the hormones anymore. I went into a depression so deep I was suicidal. My doctor wrote the prescription for off label use. I'm 68 and still on them. No breast cancer - the risk is SO low. Fight for yourself and go to a doctor who understands and tells the truth about risks and benefits and who isn't afraid to actually do the job he/she studied for!

[@mcrchickenluvr]

@@reppi8742 I did fight for myself. I’m having the surgery next month.

[@judycarlsonlayton8458]

I was 54 and having 50 day cycles, my Dr told me to pray for menopause.

[@PurpleBears-y7r]

I have a surgeon that for the most part, I trust. But recently, when I brought up a concern, which I brought up before, he still seemed to brush it off, he actually stood up and walked out. Like he could not handle any input. I was not criticizing him, just wanted to know the best answer. I do suffer from depression from a childhood of extreme abuse. But the office made me feel like I was going even crazier for just asking questions. How do we take control of our health care if treated like we are stupid? Help!!!!!!

[@EvelynSchmechtigCochran]

While I really respect your very good, wise and heartfelt advise - which ideally should be followed. It still puts all the responsibility for the relationship on the patient. While I know doctors are very busy, over stressed etc. I still think they have a responsibility to be responsive and empathic as well. The system sucks, I know. But, I do think the provider has some responsibility to be kind and present. They’d be better diagnosticians if they did this.

[@Jen-ur4ut]

I hate to tell you this, but in the U.S. this is how they're trained. You must advocate for yourself. While they absolutely have a responsibility to be responsive, don't be surprised when they aren't.

[@EvelynSchmechtigCochran]

@@Jen-ur4ut oh really they are trained this way. Will definitely take this to heart!

[@Jen-ur4ut]

@@DieHureBabylon I specified the U.S. because I don't know what training is like in other parts of the world. It isn't solely because we have a for-profit system, although clearly that is a huge source of issues. They are trained to be all-knowing. They are not trained to have patients questioning them. Now that we all have access to much of the same data, the training needs to change. It was one thing 30 years ago when you had no practical way to confirm what your doctor was telling you. There's 100s of years of just blindly believing and trusting doctors because regular people had few if any other resources. Times have changed but the training has not. They should expect to be respectfully questioned and respond in kind. It's not that the profession only attracts arrogant people. It's clearly, at least in part, what they're being taught. Some of it makes sense because if you have someone's life in your hands, you better be 100% confident in what you're doing. Unfortunately, this spills over into rejecting being questioned. The doctor-patient relationship should be a team in treating whatever one has. It's too often a dictatorship. Personally, I won't work with those doctors. If they won't listen to me or take my questions seriously & respectfully, I'm on to another doctor.

[@Jen-ur4ut]

@@EvelynSchmechtigCochran Look into how many deaths & injuries are the result of medical error even at the best hospital in the U.S. That comes from arrogance and missing details that can be provided by the patient &/or their family or caregivers. Never stay in a hospital alone. Always have someone who can advocate on your behalf. Speaking from experience.

[@EvelynSchmechtigCochran]

@@Jen-ur4ut yeah. I do so much research and read many studies, etc. Sometimes Doctors aren’t even aware of much of what is out there. They get frustrated if you try to bring stuff up, regardless.

[@janetbellini8065]

Yes, they should be able to answer all your questions, but a lot of doctors overbook their patients, and you feel like just a number, and they rush you out of their office.

[@moviemakerwannabe]

There are doctors that shouldn't be doctors, because they don't listen or they do blow you off. I was sent to my Gyn because of pain in that region. After he examined me he said "there is no MEDICAL reason for your pain". after few months passed with chronic symptoms I went to the ER. Again same kind of deal, the doctor said to my husband "if she was a cow what would you think was wrong with her?" My husband was a farmer. Then the Dr told me to go home I was just a nervous person. I went home and nearly died with a ruptured appendix. The Dr never even did a blood test while I was in the ER. Honestly I've run into more doctors that treated me like that, dismissive or not really listening, than the other kind.

[@lillyfair8816]

I had EXACTLY the same experience! Female patient, young, petite, intense abdominal pain lower right quadrant, fever. Sent by my (female) G.P. to emerg multiple times. Dismissed first several times as "anxiety", then "menstrual cramps". Told the condescending surfer looking young doc I had had periods for 22 yrs: no, I was not due for my period, no bleeding, this is not cramps. Told "Women don't know their own signs and cycles. They need a (male) doctor to tell them". Dismissed at least 3 times w no physical or tests. Now becoming seriously ill. My G.P. calling the hospital saying Examine and admit her. To no effect. Hospital fortunately close to my apt. Called G.P. "What do I do?" She said Go back. Don't take No. I'll call them again. Hospital close to my apt, so I start walking back. Too ill to manage so I literally crawled on hands and knees the 2nd half of the route. Sweating and gravel cuts on hands and knees. Front desk asks if I've been in an MVA. No, I'm here for abdomen. Do you have my G.P.s info there? No. Points me to ED but no assistance. I continue to crawl. Same surfer guy sees me. I say No period. PLEASE examine. Makes a loud deal in the emerg he's going to do a pelvic, in the hallway, no sheets even available. THAT'll show whatever political party was in charge at the time. I point out that the Min of Health is not here to see my agony so pls don't make an example of me. Btw, still not my uterus that's hurting. Why the pelvic? Older Nurse shoots him a dirty look: I think we can find SOMEWHERE to do tge exam other than middle of the hall. I'm taken to a janitors closet. I have to protest first to get chaperone. Agonizing pelvic. He says it shouldn't have hurt that much. No tests done. No questions about my reproductive organs. Hands me a script for antibiotic and sends me home. Surfer guy won't tell me diagnosis other than You have an infection.I see my G.P. She says he's pronounced an (unspecified) STD. (!?). I am now EXTREMELY ill. My G.P. batters hospital. I haven't strength to get out of bed and begin to think I might die from this, but G.P. urges and I somehow crawl back to ED. This time admitted. Abdomen now totally swollen. ED doc sees all tge gynologically focused notes and I'm told I am probably pregnant and "some discomfort" is normal. (Implicit, I'm just a complainer). When I say not possible, no sex for 6 mos, response is Dont be coy, you were just treated for an (unspecified and untested) STD. (!). SEVERELY dehydrated, my G.P. orders at least an i.v. (very refreshing at that point) and x-ray or CAT scan (can't remember which) is done. I've eaten nothing for 2 weeks, can't hold water down. Scan shows big shadow lower right quadrant. STILL dismissed: now it's just constipation. Sent home with instructions to get enema from pharmacy. Performed as instructed but I am empty north and south. I am too weak to get out of bed to even feed my cat who is more clear than the ED docs that I am ill and hasn't left my side. In a delirium, I phone my estranged but animal loving mother who lives hundreds of miles away and say I'm "not very well". Could you pls help me feed the cat"? God bless her, she's terrified but makes the drive. Retired army nurse, she connects w my frustrated G.P. and they finally get me admitted. I remember an old Marcus Welby about appendicitis and have asked several times about the possibility, but having started off down the rabbit hole of presumptive gynecological problem (with indigestion backup), no one has listened. Everyone mystified, they send me to OBGYN dept where the Dr. asks Why are they sending me their appendicitis cases? (Thank you! That's what Ive been asking). He calls the surgeon. First 2 days says You're too sick to operate. Masses of i.v. antibiotics, but my system is shutting down. On 3rd day, says You're now too sick NOT to operate. With my G.P. who has asked to assist , (she's qualified and wants to know what's happening w her patient), the burst appendix is discovered. Along with the graprfruit sized abscess that has fortunately formed at the site to help enclose the infection. (The shadow misdiagnosed as constipation, and the swelling misdiagnosed as immaculate conception). Upon discharge, my G.P., a lovely woman who was pregnant and had just moved to the area to start her family, advised based on my own and other less traumatic experiences of some other female patients, was now in the process of selling her house and moving back to where she had lived previously where the hospital she had been attached to practiced more female informed medicine.She was appalled and alarmed at having to practice family med and surgery in such a female dismismissive location . I am left with, to quote one surgeon, "terrible,terrible,terrible" adhesions, and have had several directly related surgeries to try and correct some of the damage. Proof of how females are often viewed by medical practitioners thru a lens that notes reproductive organs first. Intelligence and rest of body second. And tunes out the words of the patient and their symptoms in front of them when notes (however erroneous and lacking in evidential base) of a (male) professional are available instead. Wow, sorry, a medical ptsd venting there! Never talked about it before. One golden blessing in the midst of the tumble down the rabbit hole: when finally sent to OR, the anaesthesiologist was an angel. Trying to be brave, I must have looked terrified. He gently brushed my my sweat matted hair from my face, just as gently brought the mask to my face, said close your eyes, I'm going to sing you to sleep, and sang sandman until I did. I had never had such focussed gentleness from someone before (gentleness not a feature of my family of origin). I woke up afterwards feeling happy and safe, best sleep I'd ever had. No pain. I felt so protected and refreshed I could have gone out and shoveled snow for an hour. Never saw his face or knew his name, but am so grateful for that gift of kindness and support in the midst of all that chaos of culturally biased medical trauma. Tho I clearly have trauma from the systemically misogynistic treatment I received, surviving what started as simple inflamed appendix and deteriorated to burst appendix, peritonitis, sepsis and permanent scaring where I nearly died from of -sexist dismissiveness., the attentive and compassionate meficine provided by my anaesthesiologist, I truly believe, allowed the survey itself to be a positive and healing experience, and allowed me to feel safe and hopeful enuf after all of that dehumanization, to heal. 😇🙏❤

[@staceynguyen1876]

Been in medical for 25 years assisting physicians and surgeons. None of them sound or kind like this Dr. One in a billion!

[@47retta]

I was my husband's medical advocate for 30 years before he died. He was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that usually kills you long before that. My system was to take a notebook binder with tabs for each specialist he saw and records of all his labs and other tests. I always had a list of questions and took notes on the answers.

[@tammytoman1334]

I have two rare diseases. I have a suggestion for a video. How we can advocate for ourselves when the doctor refuses to consider other diagnosis.

[@lyndalovesraccoons]

Omgawd... yes. YES.

[@MsMorganThorne]

YES!!! Once you have a rare disease, or an autoimmune disease or anything like that, every complaint is written off as that. I'm pretty sure I could go to some doctors with a limb cut off and they would blame my CRPS for it!!

[@christinemurphy8017]

Hi , Dr Kaveh What a lovely , caring , respectful doctor you are. I too had a rude, disrespectful doctor, who had me in tears. I told her as an ex pallitive care nurse , you would never treat a patient with no respect or dignity. I also told her her attitude was terrible as a doctor , to speak to her patients the way that she does. She did no like it , that i respectfully stood up for myself. I will not be spoken to like that. I asked her where her care & compassion was as a doctor. Because she had shown me known.. She apologised profusely to me , as she knew she had went too far. I also think she thought i was going to report her , as i had grounds too. Alot more was said in her room that day , with her attitude towards me. As i come from a nursing background , i had her on nearly everything she horribly said to me. I told her i would not be back to her , as she treats her patients appallingly. There is no need to speak to a patient disrespectfully. Its totally unacceptable. Take care .❤

[@incognito595]

Their attitude is "I am better than you." Always. Always. Always. Screw them. Find a provider with character.

[@TheAnnetduffy]

If i say I'm worried, or unclear, that doesn't get them to stop and pay attention, it encourages them to write me off. As a woman I never use the word anxious with my doctor. What I find helps me most is being informed, fully informed, doing my research, not in the sense of scare myself witless, but so that I know what the playing field is. So the pen and paper thing is better for me. And the "not normal for me" works so much better in the context of having as good a relationship with my primary care doctor as I can. And the slowing down thing too, really helps me Thanks for all your doing.

[@spvillano]

@Italian69Boi oh? Let's see. 57 year old male presents to the ED complaining of shortness of breath. BP 200/120, pulse 120, respiration 50. Hematology shows no cardiac markers, TSH 0.1, CXR ground glass signs, fluid accumulation in lower lobes. 28 year old female presented asystole, suddenly collapsed in the field with her military unit. Compressions initiated immediately, verifying compression efficacy revealed pulse weakening with every compression, but the third there was no pulse during compressions. Remained asystole to the ED. Blood showed extremely high levels of epinephrine present, none was used in resuscitation attempts. A hint, she was one of my patients, the very first patient I ever lost. A hint, pheochromocytoma was present. What's the treatment for the first, what killed the second? Oh, for the record, the first patient was myself.

[@spvillano]

I was a military medic for decades. We had a saying, if it isn't documented, it never happened. So, I'm known to take notes and I'm quite obvious about it. I also come with notes, as I've forgotten to mention something that was concerning to me before. Yeah, "not normal for me" is highly effective. Especially true when you know your own history well and understand what all has been going on with you in the past and recognize your symptoms. See below for one hospitalization I endured. The endocrinologist was considering administering iodine, but I responded well and quickly to the methimazole. I questioned the need for insulin, as I am now the oldest member of my father's side of the family to remain non-diabetic, the rest usually diabetic and overweight by age 40, on dialysis by age 50. My trick is keeping the weight off, lowering insulin resistance. Nurse reminded me that on admission, I was given a large dose of steroid, which I'd completely forgotten about and didn't take notes to keep track. For coming in with heart failure, by day 3, I was walking the wards, day 4 I was trying to sneak out for a smoke (got intercepted by one of my nurses who was coming in the door for her shift, which had the nurse administrator for the floor laughing at, day 5 I went home. Came home even more worried, as it was during the first peak of COVID and they had beds lining the hallways and elevator lobbies. Not worried for me, but for my wife, who had enough risk factors that COVID would certainly have killed her and more worried for the nurses and doctors. And for our kids, the youngest contracting COVID from work at her hospital, the eldest an RN in the ED managed to avoid infection, despite PPE shortages. The female I mentioned died, no power on this earth could've helped her, she was dead before she hit the ground. Aorta ruptured from severe, prolonged hypertension, secondary to an adrenal gland tumor that was flooding her bloodstream with adrenaline. She actually had just been diagnosed and was to see doctor the following week after field training. Was a damned shame, her doctor never should have cleared her for field training. Indeed, I've sent men home for far less in my unit (at the time, being a combat unit, we had no female soldiers assigned to us, that's changed now and it was a long overdue change, as that hampers promotion opportunities). The ugliest thing I ever saw, measles and polio sweeping through a remote village. Way too many tiny graves got filled. Even our infantry and SF elements were in tears, as they had small children themselves.

[@michellevandersar8690]

Doctors are always more present at there computer screen then by the patiënt. That is what i see every single time. I will use the tips, thank you

[@Snoopy-qe7kt]

I’m going to save this video in my phone so I can rewatch it before every doctors appointment going forward. Unfortunately I’ve had the experience of being gaslit by doctors in the past. As soon as they see it noted in my chart that I’m taking Prozac for generalized anxiety it’s as though the thinking professional part of their brain slams shut. I can see it in there facial expressions and their body posture. In my professional capacity I was trained to pick up on visual cues like this so I know what I’m seeing. My new tactic going forward is to try and keep the focus on “the plan” and try to be as empirical as possible. Thank you so much.

[@joannsmith9]

Because you have so much humility and would respond appropriately, you assume other doctors will respond appropriately too. I suggest most won’t and as the previous reply said: “you are toast”. I’m going to advocate for my patient (I’m a caregiver for a woman who is in chronic severe pain 24/7) tomorrow at the pain clinic. I’ll try the WHO-where does she fall approach and we will see how far we get-I don’t expect to get far , unfortunately.

[@joannsmith9]

I tried the “where does she fall on the WHO ladder? He didn’t even know what the WHO is. He is a Doctor at a pain clinic. I didn’t get any where with that but there are extenuating circumstances. I filed a grievance with the clinic. I haven’t t heard back from them. Yet. It was one week ago.

[@oceanjoker3544]

A female patient did all those things you suggested, and the Dr was very accusatory. GI liver specialist told the patient they didn't come to see him while the patient tried to explain why. He said you should have come. Your lucky I'm here where you live to come see me, etc. 😮 btw, pen and paper in hand and no cell fone use. 3. Calling it out. Frustration and anger. You are right about that. Dr was the one placing blame. 😮 True story. It seems unbelievable right? Well, it's true.

[@lindadove8298]

Hi Doc K, I don't know if you remember I told you I had to have emergency surgery in June, and when I was speaking to the anesthesiologist before we went back to the OR, I thought he understood my concerns! But what I did not expect was that because I was not following his commands and kept moving and asking questions, he kept telling me NO (breath into this mask), and because I was following his directions, he put me out without even saying anything. (it is time to sleep now or something) that was scary then emergency surgery! When I woke up in a room and saw the surgeon for the first time when I was aware I was told never again to want that anesthesiologist. Where is the kindness you see? I am scared! I did not know doctors have the right to drugs without telling you.That was the most scariest thing.

[@jenniferirvine7827]

I am sorry you had to go through that. The negligence I have seen in my own life with doctors has cause severe PTSD.

[@THINKINGEIREANN]

I’m going to be having surgery the end of august, and my surgeon is so nice and sat down next to me and explained everything he going to be doing with my operation and always asks if I’ve questions, I do trust him as he sits down and explains step by step what is going to happen

[@mcrchickenluvr]

@@THINKINGEIREANNsounds like my current OB. The few times I’ve been in his office I spent over 30 minutes with him each time. He’s not the type to sugar coat anything which I really appreciate. He also answered my questions and is fairly quick to respond when I send him a message in my patient portal.

[@cherylkat2342]

I’m glad you did this video … because I was in pain had to have my feeding tube removed and it hurt well they had trouble putting it in I ask for pain med he said no! I never had that problem before all the doctors I had seen had gave me pain meds after so I didn’t hurt . I had my tube for 4 years never been treated that away. But I was not the only one he was be hateful too he did 2 other patients he told a guy why did he come in bad chest pain.and the other one he chewed out was a guy who had a chainsaw cut. On his foot…then I got chew out for coming to the hosp when my feeding wasn’t working . I was told by my regular Doctor to go to ER and my stomach Doctor!!!!!!! Now I am afraid to go back to the hosp had dark blood on my pad inmytube I wouldn’t go .I have ptsd and anxiety from all the surgery’s I’ve had to have. I see my regular Doctor this month I’m going to tell him what happened

[@selfhealherbs13ms]

OMG! I Agree that is soo...scary, how would they feel in that predicament. 🤔

[@lewishenderson7004]

the surgeon that removed the tumor in my spinal cord, was so wonderful i begged her to fix my neck, she did. I was blessed to find her in the thousands of surgeons out there. She retired soon after my surgeries.

[@bearinthewoods9068]

You are a treasure, Dr. Kaveh, one in a million. Thank you for your insights!

[@sherrinunya4079]

I finally got a doctor to listen to me. I told the doctors office that I was interviewing for a new partnership with my doctor. They said it was unusual, but my point got across! Also, you must tell them that you're not going to blindly follow them and that you want to be your own best advocate. In the hospital, I found out that you can ask for a patient advocate, and that person, who is on staff, will be one, just for you! Mine helped me navigate the paperwork needed to get exra helo ginalially from the govt. She also helped me with how to go about geting the next medical steps done. For example, who to see and what things to ask. I wish this was more well known to be available.

[@CreatureGirlInc]

Was a teen. Had unexplained esophageal spasms that temporarily made me unable to draw air if i had a coughing fit. One doctor said they were just panic attacks. We insisted they werent. I couldnt breath till id vomit. She handed me a paper bag. New doctor. Took one long look at me. "Oh shit. You are having a severe allergic reaction. We are putting you on this to bring down the swelling." Went for allergy tests....Im allergic to many, many things. Finally explained why i was hospitalized throughout childhood. Mom realizes i wasnt making up all those "stomach aches" after eating breakfast to get out of school. I was very allergic and it caused severe stomach cramps....i wish i did make them up because, that was/is a lot of pain if i eat the wrong thing. At least i know now. Oof.

[@mhenderson9311]

This really speaks to me. Fortunately I was NOT blown off prior to surgery. With my anxiety panic attack at the time, I realize now it could have easily gone the other way.

[@deadfirefighter]

I had to diagnose myself after 22.5 years of suffering because doctors lack the ability to diagnose and are too arrogant o listen to someone like me. I had to figure out the medical issues that were sending me to the EDs and were putting my life in danger. I then had to figure out what diagnostic tests I needed and where they could be performed and then had to find a new doctor who wasn’t so unjustified in their arrogance. I presented my case to the doctor they way I would have presented a patient when I was an EMT and since I did all the hard work he only needed to have his MA fill out the referrals and sign them. The Mayo Clinic couldn’t diagnose after an entire month of testing and appointments what the EMT they dismissed was able to identify in myself. Not all doctors want to help, some sabotaged my medical care because of their political beliefs that are starting to be shown to have been unethical.

[@deadfirefighter]

@@statistical-anomaly my diagnosis also turned out to be a type of dysautonomia ( we are still trying to narrow it down but looking very likely to be something like MSA). Even with the diagnosis it’s unlikely I’m going to be around for much longer because of the degenerative nature of my type of dysautonomia. Definitely a small world. Also figured out 6 months after my diagnosis of dysautonomia that I had been autistic my whole life and the learning disabilities they identified in me as a kid where just them diagnosing around the autism and have since learned the autism increased the chances of my developing dysautonomia.

[@d.g.7582]

​@@deadfirefighteras a mother and mother-in-law and grandmother of firefighters, it upset me to see the name you use on your posts. I know I can't change the name you choose that I can let you know how I feel about it.

[@deadfirefighter]

@@d.g.7582 it likely won’t be much longer before it’s completely true and not just mostly true. For the most part society and my brother and sister firefighters black tagged me a long time ago. If you don’t understand the reference, ask your family members.

[@californiadreaming567]

As a retired Kaiser doctor once said if you give them a hard time like being an advocate they write a note in your file. You are toast forevermore

[@MedicalSecrets]

I'm so sorry to hear that perspective. Fortunately, it is not a perspective shared by all doctors

[@meggy8868]

Exactly

[@boycott2720]

@@MedicalSecrets Would a voice recording bother a doctor? I don't mean recording the doctor, but taking voice notes as I have Essential Tremor and can't write notes.

[@lindadove8298]

@@boycott2720, you can record the doctor talking if you ask for their permission first. That is what I do because I might forget something, so I have questions to ask and if I forget, then I can go back to the recording and listen to it.

[@abigailbp9294]

​@@MedicalSecretsit is shared by many. And not bc we can be difficult personality-wise...but bc we have seen so many different doctors for the same thing (often due to moving, or the doc leaving the clinic, or bc of insurance changes). So we try to start over and over and over and mosy docs look at us like it must be our fault we have not resolved an issue. It is never starting from a clean slate in the mind of the doctor for most patients. You, doc are a well paid physician in the Bay Area. Most ppl there have ungodly amounts of money and therefore docs care about their reputations and income. The rest of society does not live that way and cannot keep trying over and over again with a new at a lower income or avg income clinic and expect to get consisent care esp if they have challenging issues. I love your optomism and advice...but I fear and believe it only works well in well-funded upper class evironments. Just look at the disparity in health btwn economic classes and tell me I am wrong. The avg person needs advice on dealing with the avg doc. And none of them live where the avg income is nearly half a million.

[@Charlie-Oooooo]

Dr. Kaveh, every one of you videos or posts provides very useful information to help improve the outcome of a patient's interaction within the medical community! I don't know if you teach, but you should. We desperately need people, especially medical care providers (i.e. doctors) like yourself, to help empower patients to have a better overall experience, even if it's simply to show them proper etiquette in the general context of medical communication or which behavior and questions are acceptable, etc. Also, I humbly suggest that you consider getting involved with continuing education (short seminars) for doctors, etc. as I believe many states require a certain number of hours of this each year. I'm sure you'd be a smashing success! Because direct patients-doctor communication is so limited in both number and duration, there is so much room for increasing awareness of issues, solutions, etc. Even if you gathered all of the relevant information that you present here on your KZbin channel, that in itself would be a significant source of topics and content. I just see a big potential for you to make a very positive contribution to the effectiveness and success of all stakeholder interaction in the medical community. I'm sure you have your own great ideas as well! Sorry for the long post. Best regards.

[@melissamoeller9608]

This is such an important topic. I just went through this with my pcp. I have never seen her so flustered and it made the appointment more than difficult. Thankfully I was able to wait until a quiet moment. Then I asked her if i understood correctly that she was frustrated with a specialists because they were asking my PCP to do things that she felt were the specialists responsibility. She said yes that was what upset her. Then we were able to have a much more calm discussion. I just wish I could have also expressed my desire to have a plan for addressing a couple of the issues that I came in to see her about. But we were out of time, and I was a bit shook up by the PCPs behavior.

[@cathyreece9914]

I write most important questions on a index card when I go to the doctor. I then say,” me first? Or you first? I keep it to 3 questions per visit. I write their answers down on the index card by the question. One dr said- “you only get 2 problems”. Made me come back in 2wks for other problem. Luckily he left the practice- so I’m going to go to a different health system for a new dr. What if the 3rd problem was,” I think I’m having a heart attack?” See you in 2 weeks is unacceptable. Hope I have better luck in next health system.

[@lisasharf1442]

@@cathyreece9914I’m a retired nurse, with multiple health issues that caused my permanent disability. If a doctor told me, “you only get two problems,” I’d fire him/her on the spot, and possibly report them to the state medical board.

[@spvillano]

Uh, doc? You do realize that you can bill for the time you spend ordering those tests and evaluating those tests, don't you? And oh, we're not out of time, as I feel a few new ICD codes coming on...

[@spvillano]

@@cathyreece9914 indeed, my wife had a dental infection that went septic in 4 hours. She died that night. You don't want to know how it feels to perform CPR on your wife of over 41 years, feeling ribs fracture under your hands. Couldn't stop dreaming about it for two weeks, couldn't eat for 3, as she had helped me bring in $350 worth of groceries I'd just picked up.

[@JS-xs5hq]

You are so right. Yes, most doctors' mind shares are fractional, because they are mainly concerned about financial profits; while patient care and peace of mind are afterthoughts if there be any. It is truely a broken health care system. Which is why US health care ranks LAST amongst all of the highest income earning nations of the world, according to a JAMA September 2021 report.

[@deborahraymond3317]

Great advice good Doctor! You are one of a kind. Unfortunately. Thank you for all you do for us. 😊 NH here!

[@JACK-wh6jl]

BRAVO !! EVERY VIDEO GETS "THAT-MUCH" BETTER ! . YOU ARE THE "REAL-THING"= A DOCTOR THAT PRACTICES THEIR OATH & THEN EXPONENTIALLY ELABORATES FROM YOUR HEART FOR THE PATIENTS BENEFIT !; WHO COULD ASK FOR MORE ?!!!!!!

[@ComfortablyNumb24]

I had Hydatidform Mole along with a viable baby. I was extremely sick and in very much pain. My doctor blew me off and told me that I was being dramatic, that thousands and thousands of women and had babies, I’m not the only one. He went as far as to have a meeting with my husband and told him not to indulge me, but to insist I do my wifely duties. At 35 weeks I was septic and went into labor, almost died, and my son died the following day. Now I have Willis-Ekbon disease and my NP refuses to acknowledge the struggle I go through. It seems like when I have my appointments she is already mad when she walks into the room. If I speak up, she shooshes me. Luckily, I have an appointment with a neurologist in December. Thanks for validating some struggles that we may have, and for the advice on how to deal with these difficulties.

[@lyndachele]

I'd have gotten a malpractice attorney! Loss of child, nearly died ....pain and suffering alone worth millions.

[@natalievancouver8188]

Wow so sorry❤the wifely duties would’ve set me off so much omg I hope you changed doctors, reported him and saw a lawyer

[@dianeratti5644]

I'm with you that pissed me off wisely duties OMG ! How dare him talking to the husband without her get anew dr. Asap & a lawyer ​@@natalievancouver8188

[@eileenmurphy2019]

After a recent surgery I experienced pain that I was not expecting. I was lucky enough to get a quick response from my surgeon who explained it was normal and that each day would get better. Once I knew it was normal I was fine. The surgery was on a Wednesday and I needed extra strength tylenol for Thursday and Friday. After that I while I had discomfort but not enough for meds. Had I been better prepared I would have saved myself a lot of anxiety.

[@TheFtm22]

I'm having to seek a new primary doc (mine left private practice for a chief medical officer position) and it's been very challenging. It's all about getting you screenings rather than addressing your current medical needs. I am a minimalist patient and thus prefer to focus on my current problems rather than seeing new things for which I have zero symptoms or history. I'll keep these tips in mind as I meet another prospective primary. in a couple of weeks. Fortunately, I still have my previous doc's NP who knows and respects my preferences as a patient. Caring for the patient doesn't seem to be taught in the schoola anymore.

[@moocrazytn]

Maybe you could stick with the NP?

[@TheFtm22]

@moocrazytn apparently I have to be listed as a patient of a doctor in the practice in order to see the NP. She suggested this one as her pick. So we shall see.

[@cathyreece9914]

I have same problem!

[@gailcole9913]

I am an RN and I would only use an internist as my PCP-and someone 45 or older. They handle and address more issues and the more experienced the better.

[@Avery_4272]

What we currently have is often not a "healthcare" system. It often a Disease Management For Profit system. Patients and doctors are extremely frustrated, and it's imperative that a very significant change take place. Med schools need a major overhaul. And so does the current "healthcare" system as a whole. It's absolutely unacceptable that there are doctors who don't take their Hippocratic Oath very seriously. Being dismissive, arrogant, condescending, neglectful, etc., towards patients does harm and therefore violates the Hippocratic Oath.

[@tw23707]

could not have said it better.

[@brendatroth3860]

PATIENT ABANDONMENT!: I was being lied to by the doctor's staff and I called them on it. The doctor was a new doctor who had replaced the doctor I had had for over the last 10 years. On the day of my bilateral Synvisc-One knee injections he had me get x-rays, pay my co-pay and then once I was in the procedure room he refused to do the procedure . He said he was dismissing me because he did not like the way I questioned his staff. THIS IS CALLED PATIENT ABANDONMENT! I HAD BEEN WAITING FOR THIS APPOINTMENT FOR 6 MONTHS. I said to him, "LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!" And he wouldn't. I REPORTED HIM TO THE MEDICAL BOARD FOR PATIENT ABANDONMENT! DOCTORS CAN NOT JUST DO THAT!

[@BrieBrie-hf9nb]

My God that’s insane, I don’t care if you were filled with anxiety and anger and having a full on mental breakdown, no one should be in medicine that can’t handle sick people. Newsflash to these a holes **Sick people typically aren’t in the best of spirits - if you go into medicine do so knowing this and don’t take it personal , you’re not the one suffering. I can’t stand the state of the health care system it’s just absolutely horrific. Also I’m so so sorry you went through that 😢❤ ..lol I get SO triggered hearing these ridiculous stories from friends, family, and all over the country.

[@novaaa468]

Thank god you exist

[@Mskathleenh4656]

Dear Dr Kaveh, thank you for being here. I hope you don't mind, I'm sharing a few of your videos on my Facebook page, called "Where is Lyme Disease". I started it after several doctors here in Northern VA advised me, "Lyme isn't here in __________".

[@louisaa.4614]

my daughter got bit by a tick and then had a rash down her leg and became very unwell , when I told her to the ER most of the doctors didn't know about Lymes Disease and because I had a friend with it previously I knew all about it and had to explain to them about it and push for antibiotics , she is now much better but I shouldn't be the one giving advice to the Doctors , but am glad that I did 🤨

[@jeanetteraichel8299]

I wish I could fight back and question. I had a neurologist appointment yesterday. The prior time I went, she gaslit me so bad I left feeling defeated and depressed as to why she wouldn't listen. I shut down and went into flight mode. Yesterday's visit she started gaslighting me within a minute. I started shutting down and the flight or flight was activated. Flight mode was chosen and I just zoned out and left as fast as I could. I was like a duck in hunting season. Everything I brought up was poo poo'd. I was interrupted in mentioning all of the new things and shot down. She pulled out bogus diagnoses and expected me to buy it. She's supposed to be an expert and has 30yrs of experience. She failed to address that one variant of a disease she sees patients for has a variant where a nerve test is negative, but an EMG will show some problems. An MRI helps too. She only peeled the dried skin off the onion and never cut the onion to see the other layers

[@isixqueenxofxmadness]

Doctors always look me weird when I whip out my notebook... I'll Make them repeat everything if needed. Sometimes there are doctors that don't like me writing stuff down, that all will be in the 8nstructions they give me (never happens) or that it's very simple and I will remember (I won't, I know myself better than you do)

[@nancypatch6228]

I had spine surgery with a surgeon with no bedside manner. He told me none of the risks l ended up with foot drop so now l will have this the rest of my life.

[@PinkHawk191]

I got blown off by a cardiac anesthesia nurse before my last surgery two years ago. She left me in tears. My surgical nurse go my surgeon over to see me. He stayed with me along with one of my congenital heart nurses while the nerve block was being done. I ended up having a panic attack. I was very grateful that my nurse and surgeon got my cardiac anesthesiologist in to the pre op area to sedate me. My nurse had me hold her hand and she rubbed my back as I was falling asleep.I will need another surgery at some point which I am dreading due to what I went through the last time.

[@savanahasargent4856]

😢

[@samanthahayes217]

In 2014 I started getting Full Body Spasms. Now 10 years later, they are worse than ever. I am mostly homebound. The Neurologist I saw said to see a Psychiatric doctor. My GP walks out of the exam room when one starts. The meds I was taking for anxiety years before these began is the medication I take for a Full Body Attack. If I don't take the medication--say if I am in the ER--then about every 30-45 minutes I get another attack. Unfortunately I live in a small town in the South. I also have Hashimoto's Disease---auto immune thyroid disease which has cause heart issues. The only two people who listen to me in my Chiropractor and my Licensed Massage Therapist. Some how, some way I have to make my GP listen to me. Oh yes I have extreme fatigue sleeping about 12 hours a night. NONE of the doctors listen.

[@elizabethbrauer1118]

🤗😍 🙏

[@carolgrier7774]

I live in Canada. If you are lucky, you have a Doctor. Our choice has been removed, there are not enough Doctor's, so if you have one, you arent going to anger the one you have.

[@natalievancouver8188]

Me too but I’ve had zero problems but it totally depends where you live in Canada

[@Kari-w5v]

Some come in with the all body mind healing and aren't eager to take on low income or working stiffs.

[@loribryant884]

WOW 😮

[@may5588]

I was overweight and I got sick in late 2016. I was treated like my illness was my fault. The doctor would not listen to me and he said my illness was viral, I was fighting for my life fighting to breathe for two days until a pulmonary technician asked about the sputum specimen that they left on my table for two days. When they tested it it came back bacterial lung infection Haemopholus influenza, which also causes epiglottitis, which I had my throat was closing. Finally I was given antibiotics which helped they discharged me early and I relapsed into septic shock. As it turned out it took me 7 years to get my diagnosis Dermatomyositis. This causes one major illness in your lifetime which I had and now I have infusions. I am finally getting better.

[@hortonc5996]

Ok I’m just going to say how about telling the drs to be more clear and .. hello.. make sure the patient understands!!

[@stephenr115]

Another reason why I keep saying through the vehicle of a book (audio too as your voice perfect) on “Doctor-Patient Communication” is so important to write. 2 formats 1 for medical students 1 for patients and even doctors in practice. Thanks for all you do. As an anesthesiologist, can you be an advocate for a patient or does the surgeon “pull rank.” Personally I think the anesthesiologist is THE most important person at the surgical table. My father was a surgeon and he always told me how important they were to a successful surgery. I know you are busy but this book already exists in your mind and experiences.

[@bernardofitzpatrick5403]

You are the best Dr. 🎉 awesome advice! Bringing humanity back into medicine.

[@Dan_Alien]

I finally got my doctor to listen to me. It was so hard because I have CRPS and I hate asking for anything. It took me saying you need to hear me I'm miserable please help me. He finally did he's an excellent Doc. Just not the most tactful. Im going for an injection and I feel that I'm finally being heard. He tried to blow me off but I wouldn't let him. I was firm and had my husband there so he could say how long I've been having a hard time. It worked because he finally saw I was not living but existing. Yes, you must be mentally prepared that is important when you want your Dr to hear you. Good advice.

[@lnkc1310]

Terrible that doctors don't believe US . We must bring someone along to confirm our words

[@faylin9609]

I had nightmare periods. For years, they told me it was because of my age. They told me to take birth control pills and just deal with it. Years later, and a trip to the ER, they found 3 orange size fibroid masses. Hysterectomy 2 weeks later. I suffered because my gyn didn't take me seriously.

[@Michbeachlover]

Love this 100%. A little explanation of procedures and what to expect relieves allot of anxiety. Dr.'s routinely perform procedures and understand them in and out, but the patient does not.

[@brledoux7989]

I was literally asked to “shut up” while I was (politely) asking my surgeon questions that I’ve elaborated during my recovery, regarding a 6hrs surgery. I felt dismissed and obviously unheard by the person I had chosen to put my life on his hands. I had a much better experience with the anaesthetist, who was very attentive and thorough with my concerns and her questions. PS: It was a procedure that I’ve fully paid (and it wasn’t cheap!), since it was not covered by my insurance. Suffice to say, I do respect everyone’s time and availability, and it’s become a habit to elaborate questions before any consultation. I don’t think it’s a common practice among patients, but it certainly optimises everyone’s time/schedules. Congratulations for your channel, I’m very grateful for you taking the time by helping people (like me!) by elucidating many doubts and shedding light to a plethora of issues regarding (and many times not limited to) real life experiences in your practice! I share your videos with many people who could benefit from your insights (even friends and family who are doctors - one of my cousins is also anaesthetist!)

[@elizabethmcluskie9370]

This is great dr You should write a book

[@KnightSkyOfNight]

One time, I took my sister to a dermatologist for an obvious pilar cyst on her head that had grown uncomfortable long after hitting her head there (hit your head, and the skin there can build layers of skin underneath little by little over years -- they can become big over many years, but the pressure can cause pain, discomfort, and headaches at pretty much any size). I had watched Dr. Pimple Popper remove one as she explained it, so I knew it would be simple for the dermatologist to remove. Instead, the dermatologist she saw pretended and insisted she didn't see anything there. I figured she was inexperienced, so I asked for her to bring in another, more experienced dermatologist for a second opinion. They looked together and both insisted they didn't see the pea-sized, raised, veined, bald spot on her head! They both seemed annoyed, too. We haven't seen one since then. My reason: I was shocked and hurt and filled with despair. I don't know who to trust anymore. If it didn't involve injecting numbing fluid, cutting a small slit, and stitching it after popping it like a normal pimple, I would have removed it myself for her long ago. I want to help my sister, and since she's recently mentioned it's hurting when she's lying down on her pillow sometimes, I'm going to try again. I'm showing them photos of her head bump for their blind little eyes to see (sorry, it takes a lot to pee me off as I'm always polite and professional in manner, but I will not tolerate people messing with my mom and my sister that way, who have been through too much spit already and don't deserve this), and I'm showing them a pilar cyst removal video in case they cheated on their tests or bribed through or got rushed through med school, and I'm recording everything they say in case it's stupid and/or mean enough to share. I'm tired of this. A lot of doctors have lost their empathy, but it's empathy that keeps their heads screwed on tight and their hearts in the right place. Put them through feel-good weekly character-building trainings or something. I bet it's affecting not just patients, but their relationships with coworkers, friends, and family.

[@KnightSkyOfNight]

My mom has had to remind her doctor several times or been confused when she was getting referrals to a specialist, and had to tell her doctor, the receptionist on the phone, or the specialist that it's not to test this, it's that. These not-this things were guesses the doctor had, things my mom didn't ask for. That's not respecting the requests and wishes of patients. The doctor is also my sister's doctor and has suggested goofy causes that are "just" this and "nothing to worry about" or that "doesn't appear to be anything of great concern", and stuck to a certain guess of something minor, when it's too obviously something we've observed and felt and compared. Every visit with her is an exhausting fight back and forth. The doctor acts as though she knows what a specialist would say, thinking she knows enough in rheumatology, neurology, podiatry, and dermatology so far. I've ultimately convinced her to make the referral by saying we want a second opinion or an experienced person in that field to see what they have to say about the health issue/concern. But not after "deciding" it again like a broken record disc a few times. You really have to stick by what you want, or you'll never get it. I never thought it would come to this, that I have to say this. We literally have to fight to stay alive.

[@KnightSkyOfNight]

If the health care system doesn't improve soon, bad doctors have to prepare with this thought: Who's going to take care of them when they're old? What's going to happen to them when someone finds out they used to be a doctor? In a restaurant, in a clinic or hospital, in a retirement center or nursing home, bank or office, their own doctors even.... There's going to be a lot of angry people younger than them who will want to spit in their food, "forget" feebly bed-ridden, etc. I'm not encouraging that, as revenge and hate crimes are terrible, but I can see it end up happening. If one wants to be treated like a human being when they're old, they need to start treating those who are 20 years or more younger than themselves a lot better (parents, too). It's going to have to come from them now for best results, otherwise the side effects will include getting a taste of their own medicine. And there will be some good doctors, like yourself, who will get mixed up in that and won't deserve that.

[@susanmann5286]

My son is 42 years old with Type I Diabetes. He works very hard to manage it, and is in good shape. He made a positive comment about this to his Endocrinologist. This physician responded with, "You are going to go into kidney failure eventually, anyway."

[@megk.4599]

What???! 😮 I thought it was supposed to be “Do no harm…” 😢! He needs a new doctor!

[@maryeckel9682]

What?

[@mdelorme3698]

The doctor that said tgat to your son is full of bs, i feel very angry that the doctor would say something so negative to your son, it is obvious to me that the doctor has a very toxic personality , made by his comment, here your son who has an incurable disease, and your son takes care of his health by manaiung his weight and i am assumimg eating right, and hge doctor makes that kind of negative comment after hearing the kind of positive steps your son is taking to take good care of himself, i do not belive hgat eventually he will end up with some kind of kidney failure eventully, not true, if your son continues to do what he is now doing...i am beginning to feel as though i hate doctors, i have had several toxic doctors, and as i am reading the comments posted here of the negative experiences people are having, its ,making me feel angry, disgusted and hoping / wishing harm back on these evil doctors, although i know it is wrong to feel that way, at times its only a thought not something i would actually do, however the damage that doctors put their patients through can become emotionally unbearable leaving people without hope, and that is truly a sad and tragic position for any human being to be put in,,,.. there needs to be accountablity, because there is not much accountability , that is why they continue to behave the way they do..

[@susanmann5286]

Thank you for your comments about my son.

[@cathyreece9914]

Doomsday drs are unacceptable to me.I’d find a new dr PRONTO!

[@ssmouse77]

I am trying to take notes by play/reverse/play etc. I am frustrated to get it all down. This is a great opportunity to learn this lesson. Your explanation resonates with me. Please come to Pennsylania, and come with me Be my personal advocate, PLEASE ? Love you.

[@moichou7939]

Doctors can be dismissime or cold. Sometimes they don't even do it on purpose I think. I had nine surgeries in my whole life. Six of them took place when I was under 9 years old. For two if these, I was a toddler. My parents were not allowed to come with me (which is absolutely normal) but I was left alone in the OR, undressed, shivering from cold and anxiety (because it's really cold in the OR). None of the medical staff was talking with me, no emotional support, while I was breathing faster and faster. I was vulnerable and terrified. I would always cooperate though. I've always been respectful and polite with doctors. I remember at some points, my arms were restrained I think. At one point, the anesthesist poked a needle in my hand without even saying hello, and I felt a burning sensation in my hand, spreading through my arm. I thought something wrong was happening, so I tried to talk to him, but he pushed the mask on my face and held it, saying "shhhht". There was just a smell of plastic. And then I was out. I woke up in pain, wondering what just happened, and still nobody would provide any reassurance. Nobody took the time to explain anything or reassure me. I'm grateful for their job and the fact that they did the surgeries properly. But sometimes, I still experience nightmares of these moments. Also this OR smell and the smell of plastic triggers my anxiety. As a toddler, an ophtalmologist sank his nails in my cheek to hold my head still while pouring drops in my eyes. Years later, another ophtalmologist called people to hold my head still for an eye echo as I was shaking. When I felt restrained, I began to panic of course... Many things like that happened to me ... And considering I have a rare genetic disorder, I've seen A LOT of doctors. I can't believe they were all narcissists. Some of them might just not be used to work with children or anxious adults. Some of them might be in a rush and they don't provide as much support as we need. Some of them though, actually feel like they are superior to their patients, which can lead to medical gaslightning or dismissive habits. Sending support to anyone struggling with medical trauma ❤

[@NYPD99STARR]

I've always shown my doctors with the highest respect. I've also worked with doctors through health insurance to make sure their patients were not made to wait for care because an uneducated person on the phone line says so!

[@garybennett5645]

Hi Doc the same thing happens with narcissistic nurses and care providers who betray their trust for money at the expense of the physician and emotional wellbeing of the patient.

[@darriontunstall3708]

I have all good doctors thankfully! If I was a anesthesiologist I would be a great anesthesiologist like you, I really enjoy donating to the anesthesiologist Foundation, since it was hard for me to go to college because of my cerebral palsy, I really wanted to be a anesthesiologist physician

[@lindajohnson9282]

It’s all very well and good trying to be a nice person when interacting with a doctor who literally has control over you life and death but it doesn’t work… they’re too busy power tripping! There are, however, a few words to drop when you get to the point where the frustration and fear are more likely to kill you than your medical condition, and it makes them lift their game at least a little (they make attempts to portray their efforts and understanding of how to help you and allay your fears). These words are duty of care, due diligence, negligence, incompetence and investigation. It’s amazing how interested they become in your overall health and welfare (or at least fake it for a while before offloading you onto another of their equally incompetent colleagues). The one problem we have that’s not going to change until we kick up enough of a stink is contained in the following old medical joke… Q: What’s the difference between a specialist and G-d? A: G-d doesn’t think he’s a specialist!

[@snowcub7139]

Much better format! Wow, a professional who listens. I hope your monitoring the chat worked for you. It certainly made it to the point and much shorter. Thank you, Doctor.

[@cest_what]

Be cautious, attitude-aware, ask questions, do thorough research and get 2nd and 3rd opinions! I've managed to avoid several absolutely unnecessary surgeries and procedures because of this! Also, ask to voice record your consultations.

[@marlainehysell5989]

I have had a lot of surgeries and I am calm in pre-op. A lot of pain meds don't work for me so I expressed concern abt post-op pain control. The doc actually said, I think you will be okay, most pain meds don't really do much anyway. Good thing I am the calm type. 😄

[@SilverSeaOT7]

Says the Dr who isn’t the one having the surgery. Sorry you had to go through that.

[@MartaWomack]

While I appreciate your advice, sometimes there's just no excuse for the way a Doctor or his staff, who are a reflection of the Doctor himself, treat & interact with patients who deserve at least a modicum of respect when they come seeking medical care. I am writing my ex Doctor a letter, personally, to let him know of my experience with his front desk gatekeepers & all I went through just to finally see him after a year of waiting. I can only hope his gatekeepers will actually give it to him. I don't expect a response, but maybe a patient impact statement might make him consider making sure that he & his gatekeepers are kinder to the next patient, in the VERY least.

[@greendragon4058]

Very good this is why I'm a subscriber of yours. I go to my doctor's appointments I have questions the written down so I know exactly what I need to ask what I need to prepare for I tried to work with them to make their job easier I try to make sure that okay this medication works for me because I have been given a pain med I was allergic to the hospital years ago and was terrified then nurses their blew me off except for one who stayed with me the entire night until they got a doctor in there found out that I was allergic to the pain medication and she stayed with me and made me less afraid she was the only one so because of that have notebook I have pictures of every procedure on my phone and I asked 100 questions I'm one of those that I need to know everything therefore I can be prepared so the doctors can do their job easier try to stay calm make their job easier for them because I know what's going on

[@stephenludlum9746]

A lot of doctors lost all their humanity. They don't care about the patient anymore. I had some great doctors, but a few had such a bad attitude I didn't care if they were good or not. In one case, I just got up, walked out, and filed a complaint against him. I don't need a doctor that doesn't respect me.

[@kathleen2020]

I make a flow chart and learn everything I can about what I have when I go see a doctor! That way I don’t forget anything. I find doctors take me a little more serious.

[@sueswain6596]

Feeling blown off again. 75, had a yearly ultrasound on thyroid indicating increased nodule size, with a 2nd nodule now appearing on right side. Needle aspiration recommended by radiologist and PCP. Upon scheduling it a 2nd radiologist told the scheduler that I didn’t need it, and that the size increase “could” be particles beneath pushing nodules up. Go figure…can a radiologist override my doctor and the 1st radiologist report? My symptoms have increased since biopsy a year ago: hoarseness, cough, painful swallowing, hair loss, ache in throat. Perhaps it was my former ENT (that I basically was not going back to because of gaslighting me) saw the report and suspended the biopsy. Who knows. Whatever happened is a slap in the face not only to me but disrespectful to my PCP who is working hep me. Before her referral for needle aspiration was accepted, before being declined by the 2nd radiologist we discussed a plan where I would be transferred to a specialist for thyroid care. I am angry, and have requested a referral to see an Endocrinologist at OHSU.

[@matthewhildebrandt1901]

I had a great doctor from birth to age 21. After that, not so good. How I'd love to find a doctor like you. Thank you for all the valuable info you give us in these videos!

[@barbg3146]

I hope alot of Dr watch you because they need to learn caring and support for their patients again. I get they are drained but so are we. They need to listen sbd remember they took a oath to help not do more damage.

[@oceanjoker3544]

Ty sir for even bringing this up to discuss it. Awesome!

[@p.rcoursey44]

This guy is amazing n the things he teaches are easy n work great❤

[@brendahaynes4963]

I have felt so unheard lately with my doctor visits till I have all of what you mentioned in this video. I don’t trust doctors if I ever did. And I have a list of things going on in my body and when I go to my appointments it’s like I’m being rushed. I always have to call the doctor office back for clarification.

[@irenenavarrette1918]

Thanks so much Dr. Kaveh. I have learned so much! And I plan on talking with my doctors!

[@elizabethlewis3509]

I really wish you could be cloned as a medical professional. You are just amazing. Maybe you should think about giving a Ted Talk.

[@natalievancouver8188]

Great idea I love Ted Talks!🎉

[@teamwarf8905]

Can you PLEASE do a video addressing Dystonia in the operating room. I had no idea that there was a condition for this problem until my hand surgeon said he saw it during surgery & then directed me to a specialist ! I am soo grateful he brought it up, but wonder what he saw exactly since I was asleep & he didn't tell me what part of my body gave him the signal.

[@brendamyers6320]

I had a issue once--foot operation growth on a nerve-- orthopedic Dr took growth off.. I recovered but then had same symptoms -- went back the Dr said " That never happens twice on one foot".. My reply and Thank Good for this Dr. " Sir maybe not but I'm telling you something is really wrong ".. He operated and sure enough said that was the largest Mortons Neuroma I ever got out .. two in one foot..

[@RG-hf4et]

I am in healthcare. Always be pleasant as a patient. Say to your doctor I have lots of questions about (whatever).....I really need to understand this procedure & what is expected, options, possible complications, etc....Can we discuss this now or should we set up another appointment-or is there a nurse practioner that can guide me through this......TOO MANY TIMES, patients come in for 1 problem or one issue, and then they get to the office and want 18 other issues discussed right then. The more you mention on the phone beforehand will help, too. I need an appointment to discuss several things with the doctor-they are: a, b, c, d,......That eill alert the front desk to possibly givecyou a longer appointment if there is time or a second appointment.......

[@MommaduckHI]

I love your videos. I switched orthopedic surgeon, I have a patella femoral replacement that hasn't worked right from the beginning. I've been several infections in the last 27 months. I took my MRI to a new surgeon. I left with a surgery date less than a month away. I can't wait to get my new knee! Thank you for what you do! Your patients are lucky. My favorite anesthesiologist just retired.

[@leonerose1715]

Missed again, wish we could clone your heart & attitude for patients. ❤ Thanks Doc.😊

[@auburnjewels2]

The patient is boss and the Dr. is your employee. If you have a bad employee, fire them. (Depending on the situation you might also consult an attorney.) Who does not know this?

[@maryeckel9682]

It's not always easy to find a new doctor, especially a specialist, and especially if you're not in an urban or near suburban area.

[@mdelorme3698]

They maybe alot of people who are not aware of, the boss and the employee, and with your comment, you are coming off as being arrogant and toxic yourself

[@meggy8868]

Nice try. I don't think it works. Not too many in the sub specialty

[@TokyoBlue587]

The doctors won’t care if you “fire” them, they usually have a ton of patients already. And if you’re in the U.S, you’d better have great health insurance to be able to afford to see multiple doctors until you find one you like. And if you need to see specialists, be prepared to wait months for another appointment.

[@followyourheart33.]

In Australia it's the luck of the draw with the healthcare system. The approach of writing something down would not be very helpful with some doctors, it actually can make the situation a lot worse.This approach would create more of a block to a certain degree with some in the field. Although there is definitely safety in numbers - as long as YOU KNOW THAT the person is supporting your vision for your health outcomes. Drs here already openly mock patients - does not matter if in private health or public health system - by saying "Who's the Dr here?" Or "Are you a Dr ?" Or the latest blow off is "Ohhhh you've been using Dr Google?" Or they undermine the patient saying "Do you actually have (XYZ) or only THINK you have ? " Sorry to sound bitter, but the healthcare system is broken here. However there are some exceptionally good people working in the field in Australia.

[@rorys5972]

It's, exactly, the same in the US. I'm sorry that any of us have to endure it.

[@bernie6817]

Yep I've been fighting to get seen by spinal surgeons.......18 mnths later........

[@amandah1875]

Hmm interesting. I'm in Melbourne Australia and haven't had that experience, but I mainly use healthcare for having babies. What state are you in?

[@charlottelewis5612]

Thank you for being you ❤️

[@Freebirddee]

I so appreciate your transparency. I’m retired from the medical field and I quickly realized doctors are not gods and to speak up if I need to. I work hard to stay healthy and I’m not going to take a chance and not speak up. Also, the back up staff can either make or break a practice. I have left two doctors in 10 yrs because staff personnel were arrogant and obviously unhappy with their jobs. Doctor, you give people hope!!