The 'Small Cemetery' Doctors Carry

A few thoughts about death and being a doctor, recorded while waiting for an emergency case at 5am.
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[@quart-knee-lee]

We come for the laughs but we stay for the sincerity.

[@lelekelelep]

this! i really feel Rohin's sincerety in each and every video to improve the life of his patients and viewers, in however way he can i'm happy to hear his personal reflection, which i believe can also relate for us - people outside of the medical field too

[@DarkRavenhaft]

"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life." -Jean Luc Picard

[@MedlifeCrisis]

In a remarkable coincidence I literally just watched a KZbin video entitled “Why Captain Picard is awesome”. And of course he has an artificial heart! Glad my future Starfleet colleagues saved his life 🫀

[@Argosh]

​@@MedlifeCrisiseven more than just having it, the incident quite literally made him the man he is in the series. He dared and lost, but your future colleagues gave him a second chance and he more than just took it.

[@therabbithat]

"I don't believe in the no win scenario" - Captain Kirk. Immature and irresponsible and it somehow always works out for him and his senior officers but lots of his crew do get killed. He would be such a bad surgeon, he really would. Captain Kirk as a surgeon would be like the surgeon in Poor Things. The operation was a complete success, the patient died, there is now a goat brain controlling most of his upper body and a sheep brain controlling his lower body and also right arm

[@fxm5715]

@@therabbithat Kirk was a cocky but skilled and perceptive fly-boy, leading a crew of adventurers in an earlier, frontier-based mindset Star Fleet. Picard is an experienced, skilled, mature, wise leader and diplomat, acting as a key representative of Star Fleet and all humanity to the rest of galactic civilization. They both did exceptionally well in their time and place, but had significantly different jobs, even though both held the title of Star Fleet Captain of the Enterprise.

[@JosetteBadger]

BEST CHARACTER EVER!!!

[@RyMcQ]

Thanks, Rohin. I’m a pathologist and now I’m sitting here feeling things. This evening, I diagnosed an 11-year-old with leukemia, left to pick up pizza on my way home, and had a nice quiet night with my family. I don’t think about that stark contrast a lot, but sometimes it’s so heavy and I just bury it to avoid putting it on anyone else. Anyway, I appreciate your perspective. It helps.

[@stevenmathews7621]

Thank God there are people like you that can shoulder that burden Thank you

[@cyan_oxy6734]

And we the public are happy to have strong people able to carry these burdens. Thank you for what you are doing.

[@sciencefliestothemoon2305]

I think you have to switch the POV a bit. Without your diagnosis, at a different time, that child would have died. Now the child and the clinicians know what they deal with, and as serious as it is, the child got a chance and perhaps even a cure.

[@RyMcQ]

@ Thanks. I know my diagnosis is critical so the patient gets the right therapy, especially when there are so many options, some targeted to specific genetic mutations. It’s a far cry from the days when there was no effective treatment for kids with acute leukemia. The leukemia wards in the mid 1900s were dark places, sometimes literally. I feel honored and excited most days to be able to contribute the way I do. But some days, I think about the way cancer touches people, often randomly, and contrast it with my own good fortune. My life intersects with people who are having the worst days of their lives while I get to go on my merry way, at least for today. As Rohin points out, it’s healthy to be both detached and empathetic, as contradictory as that might seem.

[@0ddSavant]

@@RyMcQ That’s the paradox of your profession. [In the US] you commit financial & social suicide to attain a position you hopefully find rewarding before burnout over bureaucracy sets in. You become matriculated royalty only for lay people to second guess you. We want you to have infinite patience and listen & then give you a fantasy version of our history which omits key details, particularly if embarrassing or illegal. We demand you be perfect & have total recall of the most esoteric details, then disregard your recommendations. We want you to make us healthy, but we expect that to come with no lifestyle changes, discomfort, or effort on our part. We recognize yours is a scientific endeavor, but frequently demand miracles. We wait till the last minute then look to you to turn the clock back. You stand as the doorstop between biology & human nature. I can’t imagine how difficult that is, but I can’t thank you enough for being on hand when I’m at my worst, just vying for the chance to make me better. It is appreciated. Keep being awesome

[@llandriell]

We picked up my dad’s death certificate on January 2nd, he died in the early hours on Christmas Eve morning. We were checking the details when I noticed the doctor on shift was the doctor who had been looking after my dad for the last week of his life. I have been thinking about him, how lucky we were he was the doctor that was kind and light. Someone who knew how ill my dad was but was good humoured and patient. And ultimately was the best person to be there when it was all over. I am grateful for you sharing these thoughts and allowing me to consider my own. Thank you

[@exchangestudent2]

Sorry for your loss at this time

[@curious.biochemist]

My sincere condolences. I lost my mum two months ago, and I am really not taking it well. I wish you and your family all the strength and space to grieve you need, and that you may keep the good memories of your dad dear and close to your heart.

[@Starry_Night_Sky7455]

Sorry for your loss. I would give you a set of windchimes. I love the sound as a way to cherish loved ones. It reminds me of It's A Wonderful Life. You probably know the line. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. 🪽

[@CineMiamParis]

My condolences. Beautiful post you wrote there.

[@RICDirector]

No one takes a close loss 'well', my friends. We all deal with it differently, as is normal. Some hide their weepy times, others show it. Some 'get over it' quickly, others don't. If you need to talk to someone, please go ahead and find a counselor who fits your needs. It can really help, especially if you dont have much close family. The people we lose are always with us, not so much in a paranormal way as in our hearts and thoughts. Little things, a particular kind of sight, a smell, a word, can bring them to mind. Love them always, but free yourself to take joy in life wherever you can find it. I am so sorry for your losses, and send hopes for brighter days ahead.

[@bobkoroua]

That is the down side. The up side is my 5 year old clashed heads with another kid and 5 young doctors fought like lions for her life. She has her own two year old now.

[@jackoh991]

😍😭😭😭

[@Sashazur]

I’m happy she’s fine now. But I need to know how one 5 year old can nearly kill another.

[@Cocoanutty0]

@@Sashazurmaybe literally clashed heads, as in hit each others heads?

[@Lucasp110]

This last week I saw a 2 month old baby die. He spent his whole short life between the PICU and the infirmary, born with a litany of cogenital GI malformations, had an illeostomy done, it then began to ischemiate and necrose, he lost 80ml of blood through the illeostomy alone. He was the firstborn of two young parents, they wanted him so much and cared so well for him. Ill see that mother's face forever.

[@kristinev7671]

Some of us parents feel forever deeply grateful for efforts like yours, for showing up with such bravery, expertise, and care every day. The outcome may not be as we would wish, but grief and gratitude are present. Thank you medical professionals for being there for us.

[@djanitatiana]

I certainly won't be arrogant enough to lecture about your job Lucas, but if you're developing any symptoms of PTSD - and I'd be amazed if you weren't - please look after yourself and deal with them. Toughing it out can really be rough later on.

[@MedlifeCrisis]

Thankfully I’ve only been involved in a few paediatric deaths, early in my training, but every single one is permanently etched in my mind, especially a 13 year old girl, whose cardiac arrest I ran in a small hospital as no paediatrician was available. I remember it like it was yesterday. Healthcare professionals who look after children have my eternal admiration, I’m not sure I could deal with that kind of heartbreak. Paediatrician/paediatric surgeon/oncologist friends reassure me that deaths are very rare, but nevertheless I don’t think I could deal with that. I’m in awe of all those who choose to work in the field.

[@Gruncival]

@@djanitatiana My best friend growing up signed on to be a junior EMT. Some months into the job, he described to the rest of our group, all of us in high school, about how he had arrived on a scene where a victim's head was caved in and he had to help wheel the patient into the ambulance. At the time, he said it didn't really bother him, it was just part of the job. As the years went by into our adulthood and he became an EMT, then a paramedic, then got out of the field to do trauma administration... he would regularly use that one single event as the example of how it takes a resilient person to do these sorts of medical jobs. Once we entered our thirties, he went to therapy for the first time. After only some months of therapy, it became clear to him: that event was the start of his PTSD, and he would talk about it to us as a way to reassure himself that it wasn't a bother to him, that he was tougher than it, that he could cope without being affected by it. His tune has fully changed, and he wishes he had been able to process that event and others much earlier and more actively. From his lesson, I am now unsure if any of the tragedies we see before us can be perceived without planting the seeds of mental trauma. Each person might be better or worse at staving off the damage for a time, but I think people should look for what the limits of their capacity for coping are, and be proactive about protecting themselves from experiencing too much at once. To leave off with a tangent, there is a concept in war of the number of battles a soldier can be useful for. Because PTSD, previously thought of as "shell shock", is not a gamble in each fight but an inevitability that there will be a shattered will to fight after the 4th or 8th or 20th engagement. People are not constructed to handle indefinite hardship, and though they may spring back from pressures readily, eventually that spring will bend brittle and break.

[@nevasimsek1]

@@MedlifeCrisis the video title of a small cemetery in a medical setting pulled me in immediately because it’s actually a phrase my mother uses very regularly. As a paediatrician, through her entire career she says that she has a cemetery of children that have died who were her patients, when people ask if it’s hard or not to see children die. She always had an approach very similar to yours and makes very similar points. She can’t be affected by every case that didn’t end well. But there are always some cases that stick with her too.

[@jimbrittain402]

I was struck by the "small cemetery". I worked in addiction counseling for decades; I had about sixty clients who died that I found out about; they're in my small cemetery. Some of them really stick with me. I've been retired for years, but I still remember.

[@Sammy.a1287]

That’s a big cemetery

[@cisco4143]

that cant be easy to carry with you. thank you for all of the work you have done.

[@ladyeowyn42]

Addiction is an awful disease. Thank you for easing their burdens with your work.

[@flarebear5346]

Ive always had friends involved in drugs and addictions, please know that whatever happens or gets said, your patients and the people in their life will always respect you

[@lizsteilkie]

Have you listened to Do this once a day to control your Dopamine from Diary of a Ceo podcast Thankyou for your service.

[@ronondex6]

This makes me think of a quote from Alber Camus "The Plague". "‘You haven’t a heart!’ a woman told him on one occasion. She was wrong; he had one. It saw him through his twenty-hour day, when he hourly watched men dying who were meant to live. It enabled him to start anew each morning. He had just enough heart for that, as things were now”. Just because someone seems cold or detached on the outside doesn't always mean that they don't care.

[@anonimushbosh]

Cold & detached are very different though. If a medic routinely seems cold they’ll routinely be making things more difficult for the people around them. Doesn’t necessarily make them a bad person, but it is something to be avoided.

[@JHaven-lg7lj]

As the spouse of a cardiac patient who had a rough 2024, thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

[@Decentralized_Maze]

I pray for a speedy and proper recovery for your spouse, as well as a smooth and happy 2025 on for you, spouse, family and friends. 🤗

[@nebruin777]

I appreciate you telling us this, sorry for the patient and the way it affected you. Just wanted to thank you for the videos you put out and your honesty. Hope the new year is better for. I greatly appreciate the time you put in to the content, and I realize the system doesn't always reward earnest and honest content, but just wanted to let you know you're deeply appreciated.

[@mh6276]

I prefer this format.

[@QwinnieLu56]

This video greeted me when I opened up KZbin this morning rather than some headline "So-and-so HUMILIATED as..." or, "watch as x "DESTROYS" y ...., This is what they've been LYING TO YOU ABOUT... Fill in the blank/wank clickbait I needed no bait to click and watch your vid. This is a heart felt, much needed video to keep us all grounded and help us reflect and remember the "why" we do what we do. Thank you for sharing your reflections and helping us to navigate some shitty times. Thank you to your viewers/subscribers for their thoughts, experiences, reflections and words of comfort and encouragement too. I don't think I've ever read through so many for one video before. Remember - the stars are always shining brightly in the sky...we just can't see them all the time -during the day, cloudy weather, light pollution, etc but they are twinkling up there

[@MedlifeCrisis]

I get unwanted “AI title suggestions” and it recommended calling this “YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS SECRET ABOUT SMALL CEMETERY DOCTORS”

[@RICDirector]

Figures.

[@Harajukujin]

@@MedlifeCrisis Well, that's not horrifying at all! 🙄

[@cyan_oxy6734]

​@@MedlifeCrisis I'd be suspicious of small doctors practicing in cemeteries.

[@PinataOblongata]

​@@MedlifeCrisisThat is darkly hilarious, and on that note I so admire your ability to keep such a great sense on humour in the type of environment that would quickly destroy me.

[@bdarci]

Immediately upon seeing the thumbnail, I began to think of the first to enter my small cemetery. I hadn't even watched your video, and i was awash in tears. It happened during a student rotation. He was a one year old who had been abandoned at birth because of his numerous birth defects. His whole life had been spent in the hospital. I visited with him every day. His death, although not unexpected, hit me hard. He has lived, both in my heart, and in the little cemetery for over 50 years. I knew there was little i could do for him, except brighten his days by being with him.

[@lauranoble3765]

EMTs have this saying "sometimes the most you can do for someone is hold their hand when they go"

[@blackborealis]

I'm just a nurse at an emergency (A&E) department in Canada. I'm crying rn Of all the videos of yours I love, I think this one has been the most real to me. Thank you for caring! And thank you for knowing when to let go for your own sanity..

[@RICDirector]

There is no such thing as 'just' a nurse. You busted your tailfeathers getting there, and do things I could never endure doing. Thank you! Hugs!

[@lindalaw5466]

Definitely not “just “ a nurse, an essential part of the team ❤

[@fredflintstone904]

Thank you very much. I had advanced aggressive cancer and I "knew" that I'd be fine. It was very clear that hardly any doctor I met with agreed. One was even taken aback when we had a chance meeting in a hall six months later. He said "You look pretty good" with a confused face. But with their wisdom, guidance and probably some luck I've been "no evidence of disease" for six years. My oncologist gets a big smile on his face every time he sees us. Thanks for your valuable work, your thoughts and also your humor.

[@cyan_oxy6734]

Makes me think how many people "knew" as well but didn't make it. Best wishes to you.

[@fredflintstone904]

@@cyan_oxy6734 Well I'll only be wrong once :)

[@Aphelia.]

I am so glad you're still with us

[@joanhoffman3702]

Congratulations on making it to 6 years! May you continue to beat the odds and prove the doctors wrong. I just celebrated my 15th year post chemo.

[@Sashazur]

I remember reading someplace that there is no form of cancer and degree of disease that nobody ever has recovered from. There is always a chance.

[@DivisibleByWaffle]

I am a blood banker, and I feel you. I feel like we blood bankers carry smaller, albeit still significant, cemetaries with us too. Especially when we lose people in massive transfusion incidents after hours of stress and box after box of units of blood going to save the patient, only for the worst to come to pass. The runner nurse returns to the blood bank, not to take more units of blood, but to deliver the worst news. It breaks us every time it happens.

[@Streetpfosten]

I'm a critical care MD and just want to say: Thank you guys for being there, also in the middle of the night, couldn't do it without you. I feel like you guys are never really getting the credit you deserve.

[@tabbitee]

Rohin may have another little grave in his small cemetery, but the stars in the bright night sky brought that patient to life for us tonight. Though we may have only heard the story of their death, they're in our hearts now, too.

[@julesc1665]

very well said and so very true! Their life has touched the heart of every single person who watched this video

[@rmacd]

Hello. I'm an F2. Thank you, I needed to hear this, for so many reasons. I had one death recently surprise me in terms of how it affected me. I don't know exactly what it was, but I think it may have been because I'd noted parallels to my own family, it hit closer to home. "Insuccess" is also something I will remember, not a concept I'd really thought of before.

[@BandidoDeOtin]

This can really get under your skin (guards) and this can get you really rattled. We are humans after all and we have to live with our vulnerabilities.

[@adul00]

Thanks for sharing this, and for your service. In Polish, we also have a word "niepowodzenie", which is a negation ("nie"), or lack, of success. It puts more emphasis on the action itself, and its result, rather than on a person performing such action, where word for failure/defeat ("porażka") gets used to emphasize such outcome from someone's actions. They definitely set a very different tone - first is much gentler, and should be used more. Also, the doctors not being able to save everyone is not a tragedy - it's an unavoidable fact of life. However, doctors having their hands tied, and being prevented from helping someone - especially for financial/business reasons - that is truly a tragedy.

[@Arunnn241]

Something people don't really talk about when becoming an adult is the perspective you choose to have when going through life. I hope others learn from this video on how powerful their perspectives can be in transforming their life. It's something you have done masterfully here.

[@chelseasmith4753]

Yes! Always keeping in mind individual experience and perspective.

[@Celeste-in-Oz]

As a former first responder, the concept of an internal cemetery helps me a lot. Wish I’d had that metaphor years ago. Better late than never. I also totally relate to feeling disgusted with a spritely oncoming shift 😂

[@zacablaster]

I used to be one too. I am becoming one again, still young and now I know how to balance life and not burn out. I will gladly carry this metaphor and share it with as many providers as I physically can. Happy new year!

[@95mudshovel]

sometimes I forget that my doctors who are so kind and helpful likely have a well of sadness inside from things they have seen.

[@cheezeyman69]

A defining moment in my healthcare IT career was walking into to a cancer ICU room where a 14y/o was on comfort care, and to this day the image of that kid with their puppy is burned into my mind. From that day on I've made it a mission to do all I can to make sure that clinicians don't have to worry about technology problems, processes, or organizational squabbles impacting their ability to deliver care. Thank you for sharing, Dr. Rohin, this makes me grateful to have the privilege to serve those doing the Lord's work, even with all the struggles that come with working in healthcare.

[@mokimon5079]

Long time viewer from Australia, I know this wasn't your usual irreverent content and I think that makes its sincerity even more apparent. I really appreciate you sharing with us, and I will remember it for myself and the medical professionals in my life. Thank you!

[@Drew_Vernon]

When I was 15, my father passed away from a single heart attack at the age of 38. I watched the first chunk of the heart attack before he sent me back to school. He must've sat there by himself for ages, waiting for the doctor to turn up, and then collapsed and faded out. Because the doctor found him on the ground unconscious. I just turned 40 this year. The last couple of years mentally have been absolutely wild. A lot of anxiety and panic attacks, palpitations, stress. I've had my heart checked out, all is fine. But it is crazy how much this stuff can affect you throughout your life. I don't have a small cemetery. I've not even visited the real one in over 10 years.

[@PosterGlomper]

This touched me. I'm an ER vet, so similar in many ways but vastly different in others. We have our own small cemetaries, but we have a larger one for our saddest euthanasias. Sometimes on a slow day we'll stand around and talk about them - I think it's so important to be able to express our emotions around them, rather than bottling them up. The saddest ones always have the strongest human component to them - rhe old man who's wife passed away a few years ago and the dog is the only thing he has left of her, or the young couple going through IVF and suddenly losing their cat, the only one that has been able to comfort the wife when she is struggling. Those are the ones that stick in our minds the most. What we do is hard, but sometimes you get to feel like a superhero and it reminds us why we do it.

[@PinataOblongata]

Wait, you have a... a PET cemetery? This can't end well... Sorry, just trying on a bit of Rohin's dark humour!

[@amicaaranearum]

The Helpful Vancouver Vet has a video called “Not One More Vet” that might be of interest to you. It’s about all of the factors that contribute to the “the unconscionably high rate of suicide among veterinary professionals.”

[@Sashazur]

@@amicaaranearum It’s so sad with vets. I recall seeing that video and I think the big factors were the cases of animal neglect, and that often people don’t try to get help for their animals until it’s too late, either because they can’t afford care - or simply don’t care.

[@pantel875]

I’m listening to this while getting ready for my ICU shift. I resonate deeply with this as I have my own graveyard that I sometimes visit. That you for sharing this. For me at least, it makes me feel a bit understood, even if it’s just form a very kind stranger on the internet. Greetings from Germany

[@kve5042]

Thank you so very much for your honest comments. My Mum died on the 16th January, 2013. She died in her sleep because of a massive heart attack. She had been admitted to hospital on the 26th of December, 2012 because she was extremely unwell. The tests revealed that she was suffering from severe pneumonia of unknown origins. Anyways, she was released from hospital a week later, and she was seemingy on the mend. Her specialist physician phoned her the day before the night she died. Just to find out how she was. She was in awe that he cared. So was I. I will never forget that he cared. I don't think my Mum will, either. Keep on being awesome, Mr. Doctor. You matter more than you think.

[@she3479]

Reminds me of Dr. Adam Kay's placental abruption case that made him just altogether leave medicine. You guys are literally heroes. Thank you for all you do and God bless you.

[@michaelweeks5858]

Thanks. I needed to hear this. Sometimes it’s easy to forget why I started out doing medicine

[@michaelhoubart7040]

I love this guy

[@muneeb-khan]

There’s definitely some failures in that little cemetery. I’ve made peace with them, corrected those mistakes. But to the topic of the video. The worst part of the insuccesses is exactly what you said. The intense bitterness of “what if?“

[@latheofheaven1017]

Even your 5am extemporised offerings are so lucid. I have a friend who is a doctor and I know the struggle they've had finding that line between caring deeply about doing their best for every patient, and not being overhwelmed when, having done their best, the outcome is still an 'unsuccess'. Thank you for everything you do, MC.

[@DrRussell]

Sir. Whilst I will likely never reach your level to deserve our paths to cross, I am so glad you shared this side of your thinking. Having gone through my greatest ‘insuccess’ of my own Father, I too reflect on his life and death to remind myself of the privilege I have to contribute to our patients. Much respect to you and your family Sir.

[@jerrahaynes1564]

Thanks for talking about this. There was once a job working with a housing-first organization (for the homeless, for anyone who isn't aware) that I interviewed with. Well -- we did a day's worth of interview and tour and all that. Every bit of the job seemed to fit me perfectly. Then they sat me down and asked me if i thought i could handle it if i went to do a checkup on a resident and they were dead. Now, about eight years later and stably medicated and well/regularly therapized, i do think i could handle it, but at the time i was just getting out of intense psychiatric treatment and I couldn't handle even the thought of it. Needless to say i didn't take the job. But i think that social workers of various kinds/firefighters/*definitely* veterinarians/even some cops also carry those small cemeteries with them, and I think that as a society we should do better at helping those people handle it when they're having more trouble with their mental health than you

[@moydodir79]

Thank you Rohin. Could absolutely relate to driving in the night in silence, looking at the dark starry sky and letting the mind wander. One of the best of times. I'm not an MD / healthcare professional, an math / tech / IT guy, so did not experience anything close to losing a patient. I did though volunteer as math tutor in underprivileged neighbourhood. Had a pupil who was the 2nd child out of 3. His mom had him when she was ~22, having married someone ~10 years her senior right out of highschool - or even a year before. The dad passed away by the time I've began tutoring her son. She was basically my age, and raising a family of 3 boys by herself, having no formal education other than highschool, and being in her prime. I was quite surprised by how well managed the house was, and how everything was in order. I know all this because we had a custom of visiting the family at least once, to establish a more close connection. It was more than 10 years ago. I still don't forget that visit, nor the other of my students. Thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@iceymanz]

I really don't know what to say other than thank you for your dedication, take care of yourself and any time you need random internet strangers - we are here to listen.

[@Digitalhunny]

Doc, this _was_ super important for all of us to hear. What I take away from this is life is short. Make sure your heart is in the right place, for the right reasons. It's more meaningful & easier to endure, during the harder times. Thank you so much, for sharing. ❤❤

[@christophermekala3802]

As a pre-med student I really appreciate videos like these. Its a daunting field to enter and its really helpful gaining insight into the daily experience of being a doctor

[@excalibur9768]

I'm not a Doctor, I'm a Cardiac Physiologist specialising in echocardiography. Whilst we don't make any life / death decisions like the Cardiologists, I can sympathise with the impact some deaths have. As soon as I place the probe on the chest of my patient, I'm acutely aware of the seriousness of their condition and my role in ensuring something life-threatening isn't missed which is extremely challenging in some patients. I have seen a lot over the years and some deaths just stick with you. Being asked "am I going to die?" by a very unwell middle aged patient when you're staring at a malignancy that would take their life the following morning is heartbreaking. That said, I've contributed to saving many lives too which helps (sort of) soften the blow of those lost.

[@mitchelld4355]

What a solemnly beautiful idea the small cemetery is. I think in our faulty S-Tier brain, when we try our best and are ‘insuccessful’, it is difficult to not wander down treacherous what ifs. It is only human to visit this cemetery. However, keep in mind that outside the gates of this cemetery, there is a much larger crowd of people your hard work has kept with their families. Love the videos as always, Happy new year.

[@MedlifeCrisis]

Serious topics aside, don’t think I didn’t notice you try to rebrand the brain as S tier. A treacherous move only a low tier organ would make!

[@amicaaranearum]

@@MedlifeCrisis Cue the “President Obama giving himself a medal” meme.

[@izziet6213]

As a vet student, I feel this. Obviously vet and human medicine are so very different, but just the few cases I’ve seen in clinic, and seeing how I cope with loss, and the vets and nurses around me cope with loss, makes me realise why they bang on about empathy burn out from so early in the degree. Caring for people/animals is so hard, and it’s something I am still navigating. The balance between empathy and ‘not taking your work home with you’. It seems like an impossible ask.

[@hoominwifquats]

Thank you for being willing to take on that task; not many can get as far as you have, see the road ahead, and keep going. I hope you find your path to success and can keep on making a difference.

[@watsonwrote]

In the vet clinic my family uses, they have a sign that gently lights up asking for people in the lobby to mindful when someone has just lost a pet. When I was there last, someone had brought in newborn kittens, I had our old cat, and another person came in to pick up their dog's ashes. It reminded me of when I worked at a hospital -- in training they told us that we should be mindful because you could never know what someone was going through -- they could be a new parent having the best day of their life; they could have just lost a loved one, having the worst day of their life. Pets are family for many, so I appreciated that gesture in the clinic. As different as veterinary medicine is from human medicine, I think the emotional impact on families is strikingly similar.

[@paolagrando5079]

Please, look after your mental health, you need it for your job as much as for your life. As a cat lady and in general an animal lover I'm greatful that people like you exist. Thank you.

[@amicaaranearum]

The Helpful Vancouver Vet has a video called “Not One More Vet” that might be of interest to you. It’s about all of the factors that contribute to the “the unconscionably high rate of suicide among veterinary professionals.”

[@aadityarimal4536]

Hey Rohin! I am currently studying for my 3rd year medical school finals, and I saw your notifications and I had to watch. This really did put it all into perspective. This is a special career that I am pursuing and I think open and honest sharing of viewpoints like this can help budding junior doctors like what I hope to be soon, more aware of how to deal with the problems with nuance and grace and humanity. Thank you for this!

[@eaofdeath187]

As an outsider medicine seems like a field where a good day can be amazing and a bad day can be terrible. I know I couldn't handle the terrible days and I have huge respect for those that do.

[@jmannUSMC]

I appreciate the genuine sincerity. It's hard to press on in a field that can be filled with such grief.

[@india1422]

I had an emergency procedure under general anaesthetic in May. I had a pseudo ileus ( my gastrointestinal tract had stopped working). I’m a cancer patient and a former nurse. I thought that realistically I might die. I’ve always had wonderful anaesthetists. Not this time. He marched in, did not so much as intro himself. He rammed the mask on my face and told me to take deep breaths. He is a doctor who has lost his humanity. He should find something else to do that does not impact anyone, least of all vulnerable people.

[@Sashazur]

I’m sorry you had a crap experience. But I wonder if perhaps he was stressed or was tired. We all have days like that sometimes.

[@mindofown]

Thanks for sharing, your job is to do your best which you did, you are not a miracle worker and cannot blame yourself, however because you are also an empathic human being it is both healthy and the cost of empathy for you to have some remorse and grief over the loss of this young patient. You are a good human being.

[@Abigail-hu5wf]

Thank you. As a final year medical student, this is what I need to hear. I'm personally staying away from critical care and intensive medicine: I prefer working with chronic patients who need detail-oriented, long-term care. As such, the primary areas I'm interested in have been psychiatry and general practice. However, I know that while those fields less frequently see acute deaths, there are a thousand little deaths that the physician can be a part of in chronic fields. I think I needed to hear this. Please don't stop making this kind of video if you want to make it. It helps people like me so much.

[@kayliaanntwoynet4867]

I appreciate everything doctors like yourself do.

[@DavidJBurbridge]

Thanks Rohin. I think that concept of carrying around a little cemetary is something that my heart could scarcely bear, but I will be eternally grateful to the obstetrician who snatched my newborn daughter's life from the jaws of death as her EKG almost flatlined. Apparently he still uses her EKG in his lecture slides as one of this greatest successes. I had him over for dinner a few nights ago. Anyway, where I was going with this was I remember seeing his face during the delivery and seeing the utter panic. I remember breaking down in tears so bad I could hardly breathe as a nurse pushed me towards the door and I contemplated whether I would have to be preparing one or two funerals and I remember his complete relief and pride as he help up the EKG sheet and beamed that my daughter is not only alive but stabilized and unlikely to have suffered any deficits. She's not in his cemetary, but I know he must have plenty. It's part of his job. Since then, I've met him quite a few times and you know? He's just a bloke. He has a good job. He makes a lot of people happy and he likes his life a lot. I'm thankful to those who can bear it and I totally understand why doctors do what they do, including being guarded with prognoses and sometimes just not being capable of coming in to work.

[@josephinegeoghegan2913]

Deep admiration for how you all collaborate. I got burnt out recently while working in a rather high-pressure IT role and had to resign (scary to imagine me managing stress as a doctor), but I agree that it's fair and logical that having a sense of purpose might have helped me hold it together...in part. I imagine that you do have good people and systems in place, despite how much UK politicians want to mess that up. It is a credit to people at every level how they hold together the fabric of the entire thing, don't let them isolate any of you from one another. And tell those whippersnappers to hold onto their humanity and stick together! Personally, all my efforts at encouraging better collaboration were not enough to counteract shitty management, but you all sound like great professionals.

[@andy_ppp]

Beautiful video Doctor, I hope you are doing okay and it’s great to see you putting out videos like this. Being authentic this way helps everyone.

[@DrCBonner]

Thank you for this video. I’m a L&D nurse and I had a really hard IUFD delivery the day after Christmas. The experience has been difficult to shake off, and I find myself thinking about it for long periods of the day, most days. It’s a good reminder that working in healthcare is a special privilege. Although I was with my patients on the worst day of their lives, I also feel honored I could provide them some comfort and care while they said goodbye to their baby.

[@RICDirector]

Helping people bid farewell to their animals was not my favoite part of being a veterinary technician, but you describe it perfectly--it was an honor to be there and ensure it went as smoothly as possible.

[@BandidoDeOtin]

10:00 yes, it’s so annoying seeing fresh and rested faces after night shifts. There should be a special preparatory course in med school to better cope with that. Now seriously: thank you for your well spoken introflection about the human side of your demanding job. I am an anesthesiologist and emergency physician and like any long practicing physician I too have a small cemetery of insuccesses that I visit every now and then. You remind me that the next visit is due… Thank you.

[@alanguile8945]

This was one of your best. I feel I have had a glimpse into the realities of an incredible profession and what drives it.

[@CharlieWilkinsonRes]

Thank you for this. I'm an F1, watching this after finishing my own night shift. Always appreciate your insight and have been thinking a lot about patient deaths recently. Thank you again

[@JoelRiggs]

Thank you. Never apologize for sharing the poignant realities of your profession. I have T1D plus a VSD that never closed. You see things. I want to know that the doctors who treat me are human. We don't expect you to remember us all, but it's comforting to know that you remember the emotional realities of some cases. Take care of yourself, we need you all.

[@Mawbz]

Cheers for this video. I think your content is fantastic and this video has been very therapeutic to hear, in a particularly weird parasocial way. From a registrar in the north west (scouse not british)

[@mariaskoozynska3486]

This is really appreciated. I’m no doctor but as a human, this is beautiful hear.

[@BS-vx8dg]

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us; I don't think you can know how much your honesty is appreciated.

[@DavidAndrewsPEC]

Loss is always profoundly saddening, and failure (especially in in your job!) can be crushing for everyone concerned. So, Rohin, I offer you these words from B. F. Skinner as a comfort: "Failure is not always a mistake. It may be the best that someone can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to give up trying." Happy New Year, sir, and I hope that your 'cemetery' brings you peace to pass on to others when it is needed.

[@GaryGough]

You’re a unique and special person. I thought that all doctors had to be cold-hearted, I’m so glad that isn’t the case. Happy New Year to you, your family, and all medical staff out there.

[@StevenBornfeld]

Thank you for your thoughtful, heartfelt essay. I am sure many feel what you feel. I lost my wife 4 years ago to cancer. I am reminded of her wonderful oncologist, who guided her skillfully through the last 4 years of her life, at the best-known cancer center here in NYC. At some point during this time her oncologist let slip that her husband was seriously ill, and momentarily lost her composure. It made me think about the combined impact of her daily life combined with her very personal struggles in her own life. We choose what we choose in life--I'm a retired dentist. I heard one wag say once of my colleagues the periodontists, that "they're like the dermatologists; their patients seldom die, and they seldom get well". I'm glad for your patients that you had the courage to choose as you did.

[@Tesssasasasaaasa]

I'm not a Dr (but an RN) and thank you for your vulnerability. Watching this is comforting in a job where we deal with such extremes everyday and still turn up for our loved ones. A little cemetary feels like a perfect place to go for my mental health.

[@india1422]

I think about my oncologist. He is unfailingly upbeat. He is kind and caring, had always done everything to make sure I’m pain-free. I do worry about how the delivering of fatal news, the death of his patients , affects him. I’m also a former nurse.

[@frye-er]

Thank you for sharing this. I believe that it's good to share and listen to these kinds of things, not just from surgeons, but also from people from all walks of life.

[@hammer313]

heavy. I'm glad you were able to have a special night with your family. normally calling someone childlike is an insult, but i think you're as curious as a child, always asking questions of yourself and others, always learning. same humour as a child as well. cheers champ.

[@eme.261]

Thank you so much, Dr., for your dedication and humanity.

[@CelestialLunaMoth]

Thank you for sharing this. I can’t even imagine how difficult this must be to deal with sometimes. I really appreciate the medical professionals who care and do their best to help & save people. In the end we are all only human and sadly not everyone can be saved on each occasion. But thank you for trying your best. I’m sure that means the world to the families that lose loved ones. ❤

[@T1000-s6l]

Thanks for everything, I cannot speak for anyone else. But personally, I hope I never need yours or your colleague's help. But I for one appreciate all of you and the sacrifices you make to carry us through some of the most difficult moments in life. Thanks for helping me see the person behind the gown. Have a great 2025 brother.

[@maxleveladventures]

This feels like a throwback to the early days of the channel, not something I expected to see on the main channel. My partner is a nurse in training, and her mental health is something I think about a lot. I always appreciate the more personal, introspective type of videos here, in addition to the more polished, big picture productions. Happy New Year!

[@qps9380]

Nothing but respect for you and everyone in the field of medicine around the world for all that you do. Happy new year.

[@anneimator]

What an absolutely beautiful way to describe this phenomenon. As a pediatric nurse, the losses are less frequent but extremely impactful. I carry those children and their families with me, and think of them often. I also treasure my walk home from work in the dark silence, especially after a particularly difficult shift on a cold winter night. Thank you for your content

[@hanshans387]

Happy new year Doc! I massively appreciate your insights into the world of medicine, it means a lot

[@ladyeowyn42]

Many of us have experienced loss, and I for one am grateful for every doctor and nurse who helped along the way. Young people die and parents die and those losses are indeed very hard on loved ones. All I want from doctors is to be kind and do their best. Medicine isn’t magic, and doctors can’t do miracles. Please be kind to yourself.

[@Shri-Samson]

This was a beautiful slice of sincere, honest, vulnerable humanity that the world needs more of. It may not be your usual style of video, but you do it well and I would watch more of it.

[@graemeclifford6358]

We all should take a moment to reflect. It can help us to improve. It can help underpin our confidence. It can help us learn. It can also prevent complacency. It can show us that we are valued & loved. Wishing you a happy & prosperous New Year

[@ellasheridan7637]

As someone who has chronic health conditions I truly appreciate when a doctor retains their humanity and sees me as a person. Medicine is an incredibly grueling profession as life often literally hangs in the balance. A wrong decision can be fatal. Its why so many who work in health, medicine, nursing, and veterinary struggle with mental health. Oftentimes there was no wrong decision made, it was inevitable but it doesn't make that easier to process. Having a cemetery of patients isn't a bad thing, rather it is healthy to grieve and enables these special people to continue doing what they are capable of. I struggle as a patient with those who have lost that ability. Those professionals are burnt out and lose their empathy. They become dismissive and forget that I still need to live this life after I walk out of the consult or hospital. That my life makes a ripple in the lives around me. So thank you for caring and I respect the pensive, sombre thoughts.

[@darlantro]

I knew a psychiatrist who treated other doctors. Doing your best in the moment is enough. Very proud of you and very happy that you're out there helping us.

[@mrcbeee]

Some genuine lovely comments on here - love to all those that have lost and those going through it. Also, thank you Medlife, a very poignant message, and very heartfelt. Thank you to all the doctors and nurses that work tirelessly!

[@dansonthetube]

A rare opportunity and privilege to sit beside you in that graveyard, thankyou 🙏 Your observations of the NHS in 2025 are very pertinent ✨️

[@Bia_R_4]

This video made me cry so hard. My small cemetery still haunts me.

[@RICDirector]

Same....my cemetery grieves me, haunts me, but also teaches me so much about taking life as it comes and enjoying every bit I can find useful or cheerful. Scroll up a ways and youll see my longer reply....I hope it helps, and Im sending you hugs in hopes they might help.

[@casper1754]

i love your honesty! showing both the ups and downs of medicine on here makes your passion come through on every video because, even when you're making (bad) medical puns, we can understand how much your career means to you

[@bptabata]

On of the chaplains in our ED would always say "the task of medicine isn't to cure, but to care". And that's something I've kept with me through medical training. I think there was a lot in the way you handled and treated the family of the pt you mentioned which made them so thankful for you. I think most people are so focused on the outcome, but its only the process itself you can control. I often think back to a patient that showed up to the ED with a ruptred AAA. He was afraid and he reached out to me. I held his hand before he lost consciousness and I had to start compressions. I think it could be easy to fall into a trap of blaming myself for not being able to save him, but I did care for him. Being with people in these final moments is a rare privilege, regardless of the outcome. If you can care for them in these moments I think it can help you face their gravestone whenever you visit them in your personal graveyard of insuccesses.

[@lohh659]

I really appreciate your authenticity and sincerity in talking about the behind the scenes reality of being a doctor. It makes me just want to coddle up all front line workers in the word in blankets and hot cocoa, and say you're all doing so good

[@therabbithat]

It's awful to lose someone and think maybe something could have been tried and had a chance of working (without being pointlessly torturous of course). Bereavement and grief are always awful but having people care and be on your side is one of the things that can prevent bereavement being traumatic, and you got to be one of those people for that patient and their family

[@AB-zf8lz]

It absolutely does console the family to know that staff did their very best. There’s few comforts available. That one is always available as the years since the loss go on.

[@emmamakescake]

I’m a first year resident in internal medicine, and I really needed this video. I’ve lost a lot of patients recently and it has been getting harder to get up in the morning. Thank you for the reminder that this career is worth it.

[@iLuse87]

Thank you for prioritizing others’ lives and for sharing this

[@Xob_Driesestig]

I just recommended this channel to people as witty and funny, and now you give this incredibly deep and sincere story that touches the soul? Booo!

[@FirstLast-vy6rn]

You're something special! Thanks for sharing with us- I really enjoy learning from you. Happy new year.

[@bookofdaveandsteve]

I really appreciate your voice and perspective - i am not a doctor but i support family and friends who are, so this helps me to understand them a bit which is really valuable for me

[@aussieevonne7857]

Thank you, Rohin. And thanks to all medical staff; nurses, doctors, pathologists, pharmacists, radio techs, cleaners, janitors, receptionists, the list goes on and on. Also, thanks to veterinarians and vet techs/nurses. We're not guaranteed an outcome, but we are blessed with your expertise, energy and love, and we're lucky to have that. Thank you.

[@Aphelia.]

I'm bawling my eyes out after reading the comments, I don't know how I will even manage after finishing med school.

[@Lychee-cf]

Man this brought up more feelings than I like to admit. I'm a resident soon-to-be attending in rheumatology. We are lucky in that, with all of the recent advances, our patients don't often die from their condition. But when they do, it always hits close, especially since we tend to follow our patients long-term and know them well. Recently lost a young patient to myositis, despite us fighting with teeth, nails and every likely and unlikely therapy under the sun. Although objectively we did everything we could and more, it still feels like we failed her and her family.

[@solarmoth4628]

From a rheumatology patient perspective it really means a lot to us when doctors listen to us and try their best to find a treatment that actually works. So often we have to go through a few incompatible doctors before finding someone we feel comfortable caring for us. I’m sure the patient appreciated your efforts.

[@RedFlyingFox007]

I noticed the stars were so bright yesterday as well

[@ElizabethDohertyThomas]

I just sit and hold that freshly grieving family in my heart. Life, love, loss. Life, love, loss. Round and round we go.

[@KatrinaTapio]

This is the kind of doctor we all want. Balancing empathy and hope while not destroying yourself with the grief. You're such an inspiration!

[@UKSeejay]

More people need to see this, I don't know what to say but thank you for taking on the burden what comes with saving and treating us.

[@billbrockman779]

Having spent 29 years in the fire rescue service, I get this strongly. Bless you for your caring.

[@EliStettner]

This video was beautifully intimate Rohin. Thank you so much for making it, and putting it up. Seeing a man so sincerely comprehend his labors is truly arresting.