Men Are Repelled When Women Do These 3 Things!

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Get John Gray's complimentary relationship course here: www.marsvenus.com/ & FREE 10 Secrets About Men (Every Woman Needs To Know) Here: whatrealmenwant.com/

[@lisainzunza6337]

Thanks I learned a lot, I appreciate this video

[@Katrn30]

My advice for men and women...learn what narcissism is and then avoid anyone who fits the description. Once I started avoiding narcissistic people my life got so much better.

[@carissajohnson5994]

Wow that is the only reason i watched this. Narcissistic person made me feel i was unsure i what i knew brought me to video and i still believe that narcissism is the key problem... I totally agree...we all know the basic rules

[@charles.patrickbasson4040]

You are so blessed with a deep wisdom

[@angelacotton3504]

Spot on

[@MsFitVegan]

💯

[@tarcisiasiniscalchi6641]

Now everyone is a narcissist

[@Alexi-pj4yb]

Thank you John and Michelle for sharing these nuggets of valuable info. In summary: 1. Appreciate the man from every day things he does to big events. 2. Never say to a man "We need to talk" or complain constantly. 3. Use and understand Mars talk with men - rational logical and leave feelings out so he doesn't feel like the woman is blaming him. Use Venus talks - women use this to express feelings, no nagging. 4. Never be demanding, use a list and remind him occasionally, no nagging. 5. Don't train him to do less, instead reward him when he does things for her that she asked him to do. 6. Avoid questioning him or making him feel less. 7. Show him how he is making you happy 😊 8.A woman's happiness in sex is very important too.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks for watching and for your comments too Alexi!

[@patburg6855]

umm sometimes "we need to talk" needs to be said. Avoiding issues causes major problems.

[@briannab5296]

@@patburg6855 .. the issue with that phrase is all the man hears is "i need to talk & YOU need to listen .. you've been a bad boy" (no man likes to listen) 😉

[@blingmomangie]

He is absolutely correct. I became widowed last year at 51 and we raised two boys that are grown & on their own. It is all the way you phrase your words. We women react or speak way too fast and it puts the male on the defensive immediatley. At the end of the day, you will get what you originally want & much more, if you can convey it correctly without demasculating them.

[@louisecaltagirone6128]

Alexi 2021 ,

[@tamuz9633]

So true that real men enjoy helping and providing for their woman. Ladies learn to ask, learn to receive too. Real men provide and protect those they care about, so be self sufficient and ask when you need the help. Everything in balance, ladies 🤗😊

[@kristin1533]

I like it when a man asks for my help, too.

[@bq1424]

Do you mean Real Ladies?

[@tamuz9633]

@B Q Yes, real ladies, not ladettes ie female lads...😁😂

[@videoettaceo8900]

Why ask for something I don't need?

[@juliaalonzo5998]

I wish I could simply meet a man who cares about my happiness. A lot of the men I met only cared about their own happiness.

[@manomoneysubramaniam254]

if u ask me n sorry for saying u give happiness to receive rejoices happiness that what i ventured in married life of 45yrs till death do us part...that ended my sincere good wishes that u wil get that dream of yours n good luck

[@bonitainthekitchen6032]

you need to work on yourself to attract the good ones not the players, they can smell out insecurities and they are hunters but neither think you are the victim. be realistic, have boundaries and respect them before asking others to respect you. I listen to Sadhguru, esther perel, marisa peer, Lewis Howes has alot of the people that I listen too. heal and you will not need other peoples affection to become happy.

[@Magnabee97]

It goes both ways.

[@diouranke]

Ikr

[@sunnyday4055]

omg yes

[@CoffeewithCarey]

After making three episodes on what men want I still come back to believing that they mostly want to be appreciated.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Yes. That is certainly very important to them!

[@artofmybody2882]

Absolutely

[@mindexpanding1]

@@artofmybody2882 Yes, however it’s rarely communicated and NEVER by a NARCISSIST. American Women Woke Culture 101.

[@domesticdiva1045]

Respect and acknowledgment for their contributions.

[@patriciamartin6550]

Who cares what they want. They are a pain in the a--s

[@wanderwoman5558]

Best part...don't let the past live rent free in your life. It keeps you from being grateful for the Present.

[@jsmum196]

I'm so sorry to hear Dr. Gray is widowed. God bless him.

[@toomuchinformation]

He's since remarried.

[@biondna7984]

I think my second marriage was so happy because we were both previously married, and had made plenty of mistakes and learned from them, and communicating, even arguing, was therefore faster, simpler, and easier. Getting older and learning is where more joy lives, for me. And it's interesting: in my first marriage, my husband was the one who was never happy, never satisfied, always needed me to do more. Ai-yi-yi.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks so much for watching and for sharing your experiences too Joanne! Take care!

[@Refreshing_Words]

Same with my first marriage.

[@ImranKhan-tj3dr]

Or u marriad ??

[@roespo3472]

My ex would demand I remind him of things, then when i did, call me controlling, then not do the things (like buy milk for our toddler) out of spite, then blame me for not reminding him "the right way". In fact, there was never a right way to communicate or remind him as he asked of me. One week he wanted verbal reminder, next week text, next week a call, next week an email, next week a handwritten note, next week note on the fridge, next week note on dry erase board, the next a chalkboard...no joke, all real life directions I was given. Talk about being controlling. Usually men complaining about controlling women, are actually controlling men. And behave like children not pulling their weight. All I wanted was him to actually help without me being his reminder, walking talking robot servant admin. His immaturity and selfish narc ways forced me into being both the mom, dad for our son and parent to him. And his parents still treat him like he is gods gift to earth and like he is a 10 yr old boy

[@teresadavis9557]

I’m sorry honey. I hope your life is much better now.

[@glee105]

He wanted a Mommy not a mate.

[@angelacotton3504]

If you have to walk on egg shells, it’s time to wear runners.

[@geneviveross4234]

In this day of technology, there’s absolutely NO NEED to ask someone else to remind someone of something: SMART PHONE ANYONE..!!! Set your freaking alarm on your --? SMART PHONE…to remind you..I will not let any one play that stupid, controlling, and manipulative game with me….HELL TO THE NO..!!

[@HiLifeItsMe]

My heart goes to you for having to experience that hardship🤍🥹Out of curiosity. How long did you date before deciding to get married? Did you live with him before getting married?

[@user-my2eo9lo1y]

I believe it is how the woman asks, how she phrases the question to the man to do a task. Also, if the man is doing the dishes but not exactly how the woman would do the dishes the woman needs to let it be and let the man know she is appreciative for him helping. If the man is working on a task, for exampe, fixing a drawer, if you see the man having a hard time...the woman simply should approach him and tell him thank you and also say.."Hon I am sorry you are having trouble, your smart and I know you will figure it out and get it fixed."

[@alexandra7950]

True, I can imagine what annoying could be in you critisize him because he didn t hover in your way, or washed the dishes in a certain way or put the t shirt in that place ,just shut up.. Show aprecciation. , move on.. Of course he will stop doing it if he is critisized.People should be more tolerant and understanding

[@waitwhat6882]

It’s funny because my ex boyfriend did all of the things John Grey is saying. It’s not only women who are guilty of these things!!!! He was manipulative and controlling and jealous. He was never grateful, projected his insecurities on me, always screaming and angry. He was upset when I couldn’t spend all my time with him. I have two teenagers FFS. Additionally, I am working on a new career and have a full life. He did not. He is an immature child who needs a ton of therapy but like many men, they won’t seek help. So guess what? None of this “advice” will work or help!. John Grey needs to educate men more. Most men need therapy. Period.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

That's true! Men can do these things too. thanks for watching!

[@kp4911]

Very true. I felt like this video was a bit one sided and some viewers interpreted it as women making all the mistakes, which I found frustrating. It's not always the woman's fault when things don't work out in a relationship. There are a lot of men out there with attachment disorders and anger issues, not to mention immaturity, narcissism and control issues. Maybe John Grey should address these issues.

[@LadyGal]

@@kp4911 totally agree!

[@edithtierce8209]

As a woman… They interpret it that way due to their own insecurities and trauma. It is literally a video about women so why would he talk about things a man does to annoy a woman? lol People need to step back and pay attention. Those types of people who refuse to step back and think for a minute, are most likely why their relationships are on the rocks. It is a video ABOUT women.

[@alexandra7950]

@@edithtierce8209 true they sound like the problem lol, nobody likes to admit their wrongs I understand but it s about what you can change in yourself lol, blameshifting on men just shows lack of accountability and after they wonder why. Maybe you should focus on evolving and choosing better, rather than worrying about who educates men and talking bad about them😳.

[@heidipurcell7606]

This is perfect, my husband will get annoyed with my feelings especially when I am emotional, he says “give me the facts not your feelings.”

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks so much for watching and for your comments too Heidi!

[@michellewall6748]

Wow.... what a selfish man.....not surprised though

[@mindexpanding1]

@@michellewall6748 You have not a clue. There’s an acronym LIL - Loser In Life. NARCISSIST you just can’t see life’s realities . How can anyone except another NARCISSIST feel for you?

[@chrisharris2367]

Interesting. I find that I'm more logical than my husband. I'm into my feelings but back what I think and do by actions and proof. I hate when my husband gets emotional; it's such a turn off to me.

[@chrisharris2367]

@@somewherestuckinl.a.3239 what I meant to say is he uses his emotions to manipulate. He will cry or become too emotional and I think the crying is manipulation. He becomes controlling and rages

[@SteveAubrey1762]

L love that statue of our beloved Blessed Lady behind you, Dr. Gray!

[@googleuser2874]

I feel like the key is showing how you feel and how the man can satisfy you. What can he do to make you happy? What does he already do that makes you happy. I think that is the key, if you can tap that primal instinct.

[@lsp2490]

We focus too much outside ourselves. Let’s focus on doing stuff that brings us peace and joy. Serving others in a way that is not forced. The rest will follow because we’d have let go of any outcome.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

That's a good point! Thanks for watching!

[@me4word249]

❤ this comment

[@helentaylor7132]

You don't have any children, do you.

[@Dina-kw1le]

By what your saying I have to walk around on egg shells for the rest of my life. I had no idea men were so sensitive. I thought men were tough.

[@jeanene72]

Think of a little boy bringing a bouquet of flowers to his mother. Men want to please the woman in their life, and for a small gift to be rejected, ignored, or belittled is very demoralizing. It doesn't cost anything to show gratitude for the small things, which in turn motivate him to do bigger and better things. Remember, we raise them. Learn to be his soft place to land. And it is just good practice when dealing with people in general, to phrases a complaint in such a way that the person can receive it without feeling rejected.

[@BrooklynBaby100]

They’re literally just little boys in men’s bodies who can physically hurt you and destroy your life at the drop of a hat or when he doesn’t get his way. A great thing to be around. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@EthelynSchaefferHealer]

@@BrooklynBaby100 I think what he is saying is 'we can change him/his reactions' by knowing the things that click with his brain. I have just realized that my ex was overly feminine (unfullfilled) to please his mother. I was baggage to him then. I tried to express my feelings (this was 1976 etc) and he exploded. He really wanted (subconsciously) to unload his mother from his life - and the unmasculine way his father was then. His mother bonded with my ex and 'left' her bond with her husband. Just did a show in public. How can a son unhook from that? Actuall HE should do so (the Bible says a mans shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and become one flesh). It's hard when he depended on his parents to be able to farm and make a living. Anyway, I didn't have the strength to do anything about this because of the strong bond. I lost hope when the inlaws joined in destroying me and our marriage. I still regret not being able to conquer the situation but I followed truth and now my children rarely acknowledge me ever due to the father's, again, manipulation, immitating his mother and family. I didn't want to be in the battle. I was hoping the kids would wake up. I'm 65, oldest is 40. I hate giving up hope, but John Gray at least gives me hope for receiving love again. Thanks to John.

[@toomuchinformation]

​​@@BrooklynBaby100You're right, men are women's greatest predators. In nature how many prey live with their predators?

[@videoettaceo8900]

Men expect to be treated like one of the children. They weaponize their incompetence and complain when we "nag."

[@60nygal]

Seems like the woman has to do everything to hold onto the relationship

[@aditigoyal8090]

Yea n why is it only women

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

This channel is to give advice for women, but John has a lot of advice for men.

[@elliehannan5139]

Try saying what you want....as if you already have it...check out Louise L Hay...you attract your beliefs...magnetism.

[@yolandafolotsi9998]

Feels the same. Poor women

[@Peter_Wang]

Men control the ability to get and keep a relationship, women control access to sex. Goes both ways.

[@stephaniep1761]

Nagging and complaining stem from our lack of understanding of the man's tendency to compartmentalize and withdraw. It is simply alien and feels as though he does not care about what is important to us.

[@alewicke]

Don't forget the insults and punishments. My husband spent a lot of time accusing me of things to distract from the fact he did nothing. It was like a scene out of "Gaslight".

[@ImGinaMarie]

It's because they don't care. Sorry but men pretty much have 2 agendas 1 Mate, 2 Find someone to be their moms

[@Charlotte-Willow]

@@ImGinaMarie I recently had the revelation that men don’t need women for anything but sex. They can handle everything else in life on their own.

[@ImGinaMarie]

@@Charlotte-Willow no they can't handle anything on their own, they just want us to believe that. There's a difference between handling something and just doing it because it needs done. Fact of the matter is there really aren't an abundance of the kind of men women want. Its pretty simple, if you are past 35 you are late to the party most of the time but not always..

[@toomuchinformation]

​@@ImGinaMarieFacts. I think that some of the women here should listen to Melanie Hamlett instead of John Grey. I just see women having to dance around men's feelings on just about everything. To attract a decent man, women need to centre themselves in their own lives, not kowtow to attract a man who not only doesn't add to her life, but may actively detract from it. Women have so much more to lose (sometimes their lives) if they get involved with the wrong man. Despite the propaganda, it's men who need women more. It's men who suffer from inflammation after they've broken up with a woman. It's men whose longevity is increased when they marry. Women (esp when older) are often happier and healthier unmarried.

[@8675-__]

My estrogen level gets higher when my man is putting in a swimming pool or a nice outdoor deck! 🤣😁 So he can skip the roses and Ill make him a nice dinner.

[@applesnicolle5144]

A Spiritual foundation is paramount - without it, it’s a shallow exchange

[@loissanchez7220]

I thought that was selfish of me to just want a man do something for me, so thanks for letting understand myself better

[@jekalambert9412]

So Mr. Gray, your theory is that men "thrive" on taking care of a woman and as women we can make him our hero by asking him to do stuff then appreciating what he does. I actually need my guy to help me because I'm feeling so overwhelmed by doing necessary stuff to take care of the house when he's sitting in front of the computer or watching TV, so I ask him to do something for me that would help me feel like I'm not having to do it "all". He blows me off. I ask again. He blows me off. I ask again patiently. He continues to blow me off, and now I'm irritating him by "nagging"??? There's something huge missing in this answer - a fundamental recognition of why women "nag".

[@alysekrysiak2184]

Suggesting a book, "The Queen's Code" explains what to do in this situation.

[@natashaszorkovszky1817]

Yep its funny now days the guy wants nurturing still but the provider protector is a thing of the past. New age man children

[@cm9859]

EXACTLY! MEN STILL WANT TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT. WOMEN HAVE ALL THE FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES EVERY DAY. WOMEN DO SO MUCH. MEN DON'T WANT TO DO ANY MORE THAN THEY HAVE TO. WOMEN SINGLE THRU DIVORCE BC MEN CHEAT. NOW SINGLE WOMEN MUST WORK TO GET HER OWN PLACE, STILL TAKE CARE OF ALL KIDS, SCHOOL WORK, GROCERIES, COOKING, CLEANING, KIDS BEING SICK, DOCTOR, DENTAL.

[@natashaszorkovszky1817]

So funny I watched another of these I should have written down how many times the word needy was used for women. Funny i see the men as more needy, honey my ego is needy, praise me. So funny that his groundbreaking books in the 80s that are so popular did not in fact help the divorce rate. Im sure there are some gems in there somewhere? Men defs use more unspoken communication than women, lile a predator watching its prey 😂 ahhh life, its all perspective. All should just heal and be happy then be around those that make them stay that way... Keep It Simple Stupid (Kiss) no offence meant, its a saying 😜 ps hey women btw your needy (apparently) women thrive on their own more nowdays, funny that.

[@natashaszorkovszky1817]

Ro Pi. Amazing, wow there certainly are some perspectives right there! Gosh those scary women, we better get new skills (tactics haha) to deal with that. Wow. I want to write a book now for both sexes. Its called be happy before you try to share your life with another. If you are not interested in sharing your life then you are probably ready to (really should either be needy? Doesnt that say theres work to be done and you will probably go into someones life with your crap rather than in a place you can give and build well)..thats the whole book there. The end. Looks like people have some major untangling of their brains to do. I do wonder why so many women feel so unworthy these days, are the ones doing all the trying etc... literally wtf? What about get up and do your bit fellas get over your crap n sort your life 😂..and homestly if he isnt doing what he should its more like put some space between you rather than ohh ill be even sweeter because he obviously isnt thinking of me lets reward him for that 😂 ahh perspectives. Im a typical 50s housewife with 5 kids, a beautiful caring 1950s husband and our 1 income provides for all of us just fine 😂 yeah right

[@jsmum196]

Excellent! Thank you Dr. Gray!! I love the beautiful statue of Our Lady behind you!

[@michellelevesque7674]

In the end what I see is that men are so sensitive, so difficult. It’s almost like we have to walk on eggshells so they don’t get offended. I love John Gray, but I don’t see a lot of what to do when we are suffering and being taken for granted. We’re not appreciated. Even when we say that the offended ones are men! We never win.

[@corsalino07]

When a man says he will do something ... He will do it !!! (there's no need to remind him every six months) ;)

[@selenadiaz2665]

When a woman asks a man to do something...she is hoping it doesn't take 6 months...its usually something we want help with sooner than later...

[@gigid4731]

😂😂😂

[@ninanina4799]

Yeah then they blame us we are in our masculine energy 🤦🏻‍♀️ if you want something done do it yourself or ask a neighbour

[@ameliaerin1544]

Yes, if he is honorable.

[@edna_m]

🙈🤣

[@TheAcrenshaw]

I’m female in a heterosexual relationship. Thanks so much for explaining the controlling thing. My guy says I’m controlling and I’ve never understood what that meant; till now. Thank you, thank you!!

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks for watching and for your comments too!

[@BethyKable]

Why doesn’t he do a video on the things men do that repel women? I think men can be twice as controlling as women in my experience!

[@pennyhochhalter3065]

Lol 36 likes tells ya somthing right there

[@jaredmatthews7988]

One explaination is that guys are 100 times more repelled by controlling women then vice versa. I have met many women that enjoy when a man takes control and responsibility. Maybe???

[@aml8760]

@@jaredmatthews7988 fair point

[@aml8760]

Maybe because men would rather listen to a woman, than to a man...most men don't go to other men for advice...

[@bellabong8862]

"When you need more than a man can provide, he stops giving" Profound. So ladies, we must choose wisely among those men who are willing and able to give us what we truly need (our dealbreakers) in a relationship, and resolve to be content with and appreciative of what he can give and not complain about what he can't or won't give us. Period.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks for watching and for your comment too Bella!

[@MelissaLona]

I definitely noticed the less I ask or demand, the more he does for me.

[@misskay8373]

John gray is such a wise man. I love watching these videos. I learn so much from both of you. It really has helped me a lot.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Great to hear! thanks for watching and for your comments Miss Kay!

[@nancycadiente1818]

Yes i learned a lot from him i followed his advice being a woman i appreaciate little things did to my boyfriend and he loves to be being apprreciated.

[@Tazz431]

Wise lol he needs to seriously follow his own advice, he's been married 4x.

[@felicitygrace5113]

So valuable! Especially what you said Michelle, pity I did not grow up with healthy role models to understand this dynamic for a healthy romantic relationship, nonetheless better late than never!! I am truly on a learning journey! 💫💕

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks for watching and for your comments too Felicity!

[@Amelia..B.B]

John has a really happy relaxed persona - you can tell he's got a good marriage

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks for watching and for your comment too Amelia!

[@kk70x7]

I used to ask the ex to do things around the house. He rarely did. But I didnt want to nag so I would hire it out. Then he said I was being passive agressive. Sometimes just cannot win. Gotta just make yourself happy.

[@Findingariel]

If you're married to a narcissist and they see you happy they can't stand it and shut you down.

[@judyhill5433]

I think John Gray needs to talk to men about getting over a lot of their issues. Men need to evolve just as women have. If we both work, the chores need to be divided equally. They need to learn how to be vulnerable. They need to stop shutting down and becoming passive aggressive. Why should women have to constantly adjust to them and all their stupid moods? Men need to be told by the so called authorities (psychologists) that their behavior is immature and grow up.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Hi Judy. Thanks for watching and for your comments. John does give advice for men, however, I interview him for my channel for women. You might enjoy watching this video here where he talks a little about what he tells men. kzbin.info/www/bejne/jobQd5uFlrBlqdU

[@judyhill5433]

@@MichelleMarchantJohnson Thank you for your response, Michelle. I have to say that I think John Gray is too "old school". The reason men are getting away with so much these days is because no one is really holding them accountable. John needs to be tougher on them and tell them to grow up. His story about him showing up too late at his wife's party and not doing what she asked (which wasn't much compared to what she was already doing) was ridiculous. He was being a dick and should have owned up to it. Instead he wanted her to kiss up to him and handle him with kid gloves. NOT!!! Men have gotten away with bad behavior for too long. There are very few good guys out there and a whole lot of good women. The good guys are the ones who should be teaching the immature ones how to behave. I think John is immature. I think he should edit his party story and say he gave the wrong advice and that he should have said he was at fault and should have apologized to his wife. Look at how our ex president treated women. We need to shame men like that. They are perpetuating bad behavior. It's time it all changed. John needs to get into the 21st century.

[@7enterprisesincxyz749]

@@judyhill5433 I agree on your response.

[@a.e.rromero5403]

@@judyhill5433 as a woman I gotta say there are a lot of bad women out there too. This isn't a gender or male issue, it's a societal and family issue. I don't totally agree with this guy, take everything with a grain of salt, but he has some very good information. He's mostly talking from a Western male perspective. This won't be applicable across all males because society and family structures differ all over the world.

[@Justliloleme1]

This is patently ridiculous and insulting to the intelligence of the majority of women. Ladies, be you. If he doesn’t like it, you’re better off without him and his whining a$$.

[@melindaaziz8570]

I'm a very lucky person. I have two brothers that have been supporting me financially until I get an income which is coming in about 6 months . . I now understand why if I complain to my younger brother he ghosts me.. and must feel guilty ... He kind of gives me the run around and it's frustrating but if I don't ask hell do everything. .As long as I'm grateful...I just can't express how many hours he's spent helping me ..He has a girlfriend and a busy business. It hit me when my son said your brothers don't owe you anything.! I think my brothers and son are wonderful ..Even if I complain to my son he ghosts me He's got a podcast a business and a wife ..And 1year old daughter. My cute little granddaughter ! So he's quite busy. Oh I've got to be grateful for anytime he gives me!!! I like when your co-host said about having woman friends! .. I ! I'm going to talk to them .I don't feel comfortable complaining to men too much . .I get to talk to my family when they aren't busy.. I'm happy..! I guess I'm learning for my future boyfriend ..Who knows when!

[@imwatching2960]

I would like to know John Gray's opinion on how a woman "can" appreciate and receive a man in an abusive relationship. I mean, I watched my parents marriage when I was a child. My father used to be agressive, angry, bossy - as I know now, clearly not in his masculine energy. He would yell and frighten my mother (and us kids) and occasionally also beat us. Our whole life was about trying to predict his mood and please him. So my mother kind of rejected anything he then tried to do or bring us, when he finally got to his masculine. Then he got angry again because of this lack of acceptance. I never saw him apologizing to my mother. She guards so much resentment and of course couldn't open up to a man with this behavior. Thank you.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

I can't speak for John, but I don't think a man would encourage a woman being mistreated or staying in and abusive relationship. Thanks for watching!

[@michelen5728]

Maybe the question should be how to leave an abusive relationship? Why would someone try to receive anything with poison ? Just wondering

[@imwatching2960]

@@michelen5728 actually some days ago I more or less got the answer from another interview with John. He said that the woman SHOULD leave the man to not enable and condition such treatment. Telling him peacefully that she's scared and doesn't feel safe and that it's for the sake of the relationship. Something like this. He said it so well and clearly but I can't recall the exact words. I guess the how would vary in each relationship. The important is what we enable, will stay.

[@michelen5728]

I'm watching Oh I’m glad that you had an answer from him. I personally don’t think there’s a good way to leave an abusive relationship. If someone is physically abusive for example I don’t think that being kind will do any good. In any situation however, one has to make sure to be protected by other people. A single prey is always an easy one.

[@arianbyw3819]

It's not easy to leave when you are u under threat, when you have no money and the law looks the other way. Often women leave but get killed anyway.

[@gauriprakash3470]

Ego problem is what all men have! Period. And if women are willing to deal with him, she wins !

[@stephaniep1761]

Men need to feel competent and capable. Their ego is there because they feel inadequate and are defending their own internal well-being.

[@LV-bk4it]

My husband complains, nags, and is controlling!

[@stephaniep1761]

He is not getting his needs met

[@LV-bk4it]

@@stephaniep1761 I'm not to blame - I'm quiet, loving, and make twice what he does. He hates his job!

[@stephaniep1761]

@@LV-bk4it I did not say you are to blame, but we often do not understand our partners deep needs. Perhaps he feels inadequate and is probably more on his female side because you have taken on the masculine role. Do less and appreciate him more.

[@kathleenholt6008]

Well that sucks!

[@brucesanborn7484]

I do a " project " for the wife ,a rather extrapolated project and when completed she says " anybody would have done it for me"😳! My response, " my name is not ANYBODY",I didn't see a line of people waiting to do the work! I go silent, no words of affirmation! Maranatha, Greetings from Tampa Florida 😎

[@debramcmartin905]

BRUCE SanbornVery sad that you weren't appreciated for the efforts. 😔

[@brucesanborn7484]

@@debramcmartin905:"thank you Debra,Maranatha, Greetings from Tampa Florida 😎

[@mrsbee8790]

How disheartening to have an unappreciative partner - can I suggest you both read Gary Chapman's book "The Five Love Languages" or at least look at a synopsis of its message.

[@idahardy4052]

I remember many years ago - we’ve been married about 30 years now but at that time it was only 20 I think... anyway. I told my husband that something was really bothering me. He said well that shouldn’t bother you. I told him yes, maybe it shouldn’t but it does in fact hurt me. And you can keep doing it if you want to because I’m not trying to say you need to change, but when you do this thing it hurts me and I don’t want to feel hurt so if you keep doing the thing, I’m going to leave the room. And it hurts that you wouldn’t care that what you’re doing hurts me and you would continue hurting me knowingly. So, I’m happy that we’re married and I love you so much, but I’m not going to stay in the room when you do that. It’s not your fault. I pretended for a long time that this doesn’t bother me. But it does. I don’t care that other people do it. I care that you do it. I don’t care what other people think of me. I care what you think of me. So. It worked. It was something that maybe no one else would care about, but I do. I acknowledged that it may seem unreasonable, but I gave him some context and I took responsibility for my feelings, and he respected that so much. I think our husbands love us and really want us to be happy. And I think it’s our responsibility to speak up.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks for watching and for your comments too Ida! Yes. There is responsibility on both sides and I'm glad you were able to speak up about your feelings!

[@halothman1500]

His insight and words worth millions! Great channel, great content! Thank you

[@thezanarose]

Not every man provides. A lot of men think women should provide for themselves and raise THEIR kids 🤣😂 thankfully my husband is a provider.

[@sokoens]

The other night I went to meet the guy I was dating. He came to pick me up and we went on an evening walk of an old city. He isn’t the most punctual person. I don’t mind usually. I’ll just read something or put something onto watch. I messaged him I was on the way when he told me he arrived. When I got to meet him the first thing he said was “you’re 8 minutes late”. He’d told me he was coming just 10 minutes prior to his arrival. I was sorta taken aback. I said that’s funny the people who are always late are the ones most bothered by having to wait. But it really bothered me. I was tired and could have gone to the gym and gone to bed early, but I wanted to see him. So I rallied and that was the first thing he said. Not even a hello. I was so upset that I was silent for a bit in the car and then started that tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn’t help it. I don’t want to get my feelings hurt and be blind sighted by rudeness in this relationship. We haven’t been dating so long, but not sure what to do. Is this something I continue or do I try and let go of this. How does one handle impolite behavior from your partner?

[@carmenmyer8985]

Speak up and tell him that's the pot calling the kettle black! Tell him if he can always be on time you'll make sure you are if he can't stop complaining if you are a little late

[@sandrastephenson9467]

In other words you both have to serve and honor each other. Praise going both ways.

[@brendaleverick3655]

Men are the best teachers about how to please a man.💏

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks for watching and for your comments too Brenda!

[@larissareynolds3434]

This is so ridiculous and all the comments from women are scary. Men need to learn EMPATHY. Women let’s not be their mother or manager let’s find PARTNERS. The comment “I do so much and don’t feel appreciated is VALID. This is toxic advice!!!!!! I’m terrified! A healthy partnership has empathy, clear communication. His advice is full of what the woman should do to manage their man so RIDICULOUS!!!! “Men don’t leave women who have orgasms”. This is so hilarious I feel like I’m being punked. He needs to study up on CURRENT research! Check out Esther Perrel. I have had two long term relationships in my life and none of this is relevant. I speak up, I communicate my needs, I have strong boundaries. Yes no relationship is perfect but don’t buy this bullshit. So many variables in this advice that is so toxic. Yes it’s important to be happy but if your partner is failing the partnership it’s important to talk about it and if he won’t take responsibility or acknowledge his part it’s time to go ladies. He does not say ONE thing about holding men accountable in a healthy way.

[@matebohomochai8698]

Wow!!! Thank you for the advice, you are so true. Sometimes we don't know what we want.

[@b.m.t.h.3961]

This is interesting but in my experience, its the other way around. I find that if a man is happy with his life, he has very little interest in his wife or girlfriends happiness, as long as he is ok, its fine! However, if he is not happy for whatever reason, then he makes sure everyone knows about it in the family. I saw this with my father, who was oblivious to feelings of his children and wife but we sure knew about it if he was cross! However he was still a wonderful dad I would not change for the world and no one is perfect anyway. Same with my husband, he goes around in his own little world when content regardless of others but again, he sure makes sure I know about it if he isn't pleased!

[@ReyesRP]

Men go where they receive positive feedback. If the only places that they get positive feedback and feel valued is at work, with their male friends, or pursuing hobbies then that will be a larger part of their world.

[@kp4911]

@ReyesRP It's hard to give positive feedback when you have a father or a spouse who takes their anger and insecurity out on their family. My father had horrendous anger issues. He would explode on us children and my mom, vent his fury, feel much better and then be completely oblivious to the pain that he put us through or the negative energy that lingered in us to the point where I felt sick, while he would go off on his merry way. Exactly how are we supposed to give positive feedback to that? Seriously. I'd like an answer. Because from my point of view, it felt like emotional and verbal abuse even though I would not necessarily categorize my father as an abusive individual. Why is it so deplorable to ask a man to be cognizant of what he is doing to others around him and take responsibility for his actions?

[@BasedMarysMemoirs]

@KP you just described my exact childhood. It is abuse. I want to cry

[@wonderlady1422]

@@kp4911 it is abuse. Women get stuck in abusive relationships bc of health, children or finances or all three. They will leave an abuser up to 17 times before finally getting away, dying or killing the abuser.

[@gerafinali4384]

I'm here to learn how to repel men. Ill try those tips.

[@laurahenry3562]

This guy is so spot on ,I wish I knew this years ago ,thank ful I have the knowledge now 🙏💜

[@lisam8001]

This was good. Thinking about it when I'm happy things work really well. Spring and summer 100% fun times .

[@Dina-kw1le]

This tells me men are always right and we have to agree with them

[@cristinaperezmoncada8595]

Because many men don't feel the sense or need of planning UNTIL we mentioned. I noticed that for more than 20 years of EXPERIENCE.

[@thehorsebackheroine5950]

So I see where I've gone wrong for 40 years!...trained him to do less :-(

[@kdmylove]

Same story. I became the servant and he found a lover outside.

[@fatimagray4026]

This is truly awakening. I gave 21 years in my marriage. Totaly gave gave. I see now that is not what I needed to do. Very helpful

[@ReyesRP]

@@fatimagray4026 Alison Armstrong has a great take on this. Men give what they think women need which isn't what they actually need and women do the same to men.

[@EMuro-wu7uy]

Instead of narcissism I would say be careful of any toxic behaviors.

[@ZiggyLu-og3zp]

I put into practice and make a conscious effort to give him as much time as he needs to do his work related stuff. This way he feels freedom and is happier to be with me and doesn’t get easily upset about anything. Plus it gives you leverage for when he does act selfishly. Lol. Also, I don’t complain about things, I just fix them myself or I try. Then when he sees me trying hes right there to help. No one complaint needed. I don’t ask for anything I can do or buy myself. I try to be content with what I have and plan for things I want. This......this was NOT me 10 years ago however! I was ALL those negative things. I owe it ALL to reading the Bible and Jesus Christ who has changed me tremendously and I’m so thankful for those changes He made in my heart and mind.

[@rosalinddavies8466]

I made the mistake of not being grateful enough I have into envy. I’m now trying to correct this

[@cindybain5176]

What about when he never initiates yet thinks your supposed to just do spontaneous. You don't work outside of the house yet he doesn't see you as needing money. Nor will he pay

[@fairplayer7435]

In that case you are simply in his 'friendzone'. He gets what he wants from you, but expends no resources. You are also blinded by the chemical reaction in your head when he is near. He is a Chad.

[@briannab5296]

@@fairplayer7435 .. a 'chad'? What does that mean?

[@purplelillyx9895]

A boy?

[@purplelillyx9895]

Yeah what is a Chad ?

[@sharonHendrix-kv5zp]

I can't stand weekends stopping myself.Sorry Mr Gray I'm not a loved individual I have needs and there not here for me yet I truly need one of those miracles I need smarts help.

[@annielinkous5771]

Oh Thank You So Much For All This Wonderful Convo Vids Of You Two&GladICameAcrossYou🥰🥰🥰

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching and for the kind words too Annie!

[@XXVIII333]

It shouldn't be about pleasing a man.

[@ameliaerin1544]

Then you should stay alone

[@XXVIII333]

@@ameliaerin1544 is it about pleasing the man? For you? Are you a man?

[@cleopatrajones7096]

I love your channel. I think you’re also a great interviewer. Thank you for putting this out there!

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Wow, thank you Cleopatra! I appreciate you watching and thank you for your comments!

[@alewicke]

My husband accused me of nagging when I said "When you get a chance, could you please.....". Can't win.

[@cynthiacrawford1573]

Wow,does he have to ask you to do laundry,cook,clean,shop etc?Its a two way street.And if you go ahead and do it yourself one of two things happens.They either feel unneeded or trained to do even less.If I'm going to have to do it myself,then I will have the freedom of being single.I find that the best relationships have chores for the house.According of course the hours each person works.If they work 80 hours a week then they are too busy to help.When I worked 80 hours a week I still had cooking ,cleaning,shopping,laundry and household stuff to do.And I was overwhelmed.And when I asked for help I was nagging by asking one time ,so I ended it.And if their kids are laying up on you and not helping that's a bad thing.I see that a lot.They learn from the parent how to do less than other people.Its become a modern problem grown kids laying up.Im so glad my kids are self sufficient.

[@alewicke]

@@cynthiacrawford1573 When he refused to do anything around the house, I stopped doing all the other things. If he wanted anything done, he had to make an effort first. I told him I was neither his maid nor his mother. Fortunately, he died five years ago. When I had a near-death experience and saw him with my parents and my dog, I was given the choice to stay here or go to Heaven. It speaks volumes about him that I preferred to stay here rather than to deal with him again. Someday, I probably won't have a choice.

[@cynthiacrawford1573]

@@alewicke well you have your whole life ahead of you

[@alewicke]

@@cynthiacrawford1573 ....at least what's left.

[@ioodyssey3740]

@@cynthiacrawford1573 and cats!

[@newyorkdiva3]

This is such an awesome video, thanks for the lesson.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks for watching Donna and for your kind words too!

[@Dina-kw1le]

Just by me asking my husband nicely to look over a list, he would see as a bitchy demand.

[@yolanda9730]

Yep, been there

[@deanarjones9114]

Yep, it’s me being controlling and bossy

[@roespo3472]

Yep. My ex would complain I need to remind him of things, then when i did call me controlling, then not do them out of spite, then blame me for not reminding him "the right way". One week he wanted verbal reminder, next week text, next week a call, next week an email, next week a handwritten note, next week note on the fridge, next week note on dry erase board, the next a chalkboard...no joke all real life directions I was given. Talk about being controlling. Usually men complaining about controlling women, are actually controlling men. And behave like children not pulling their weight

[@lynnita321]

Another brilliant teaching from the master!

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Glad you think so!

[@babajaiy8246]

So if a womans estrogen levels are low (hard to appreciate anything)...what can we do to help a woman get here estrogen back to balance? (other than direct hormone therapy).

[@vhayashi7369]

Interesting how when you behave like a guy they turn into the woman... Manginas... And all I ever encountered is controlling men. I don't nag or complain rarely ever. I always say I appreciate the smallest things too.

[@jacquelinedegruyter5356]

p

[@jacquelinedegruyter5356]

6 hi there is it OK if I come tomorrow morning at around lunchtime

[@jane7627]

They are spoiled freakin babies! Don't put up with it.

[@jacknjill3000]

That guy looks very familiar! Is the the one that wrote the book men are from mars and women from Venus?!

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Yes. Dr. Gray Wrote Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Thanks for watching!

[@kimf5948]

Yes!

[@angieatvegas]

I am a happy woman, looking for a man to make me and make him, happier, this goes both ways

[@CM-ov8eh]

What if your man says, "If it's not a big deal, why are we talking about it?"

[@stephaniep1761]

Tell him you feel better when you are able express yourself.

[@dannmurray1199]

What if it is a big deal?

[@LMB2301]

If it's a big deal for you, then tell him. If he still refuses to discuss then he's belittling your feelings. If he behaves fairly he will accept that some things are important to you even if not to him. If the things which are important to you are never taken into consideration, then he's behaving selfishly, putting his needs above yours. In this case, consider if you want to put up with it or not.

[@ramjet5192]

Almost every relationship I've had ended because she was controlling, critical and unwilling to pull her own weight. With no kids, no excuses to get more from me and complain if you don't. It's a partnership. Honor that or split.

[@tallspicy]

No one wants anyone who complains, no one wants someone who uses feelings as facts, no one wants anyone unhappy, no one wants someone who thinks what you do is not enough. These are universal, not men or woman.

[@suzihazlove4979]

Why do men NOT UNDERSTAND OUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS.

[@johnhartsock1891]

Do you want some of buffalo wings, or do you prefer spiced jelly beans?

[@suzihazlove4979]

@@johnhartsock1891 lol

[@johnhartsock1891]

@@suzihazlove4979 Your pic looks really hot, Suzi. You married? If not, dating during COVID?

[@johnhartsock1891]

The jelly bean/hot wing offer still stands, Suzi

[@johnhartsock1891]

@@suzihazlove4979 Ok, how about a Dairy Queen buster bar or dilly bar?

[@stanspb763]

This has to be watched by every couple or those seeking a couple. John is spot on in why relationships turn sour and the expectations of men who do everything he can for a woman , and many things he can't do, or have never done before. Divorce attornneys would go broke is women, who leave marriages in 70-80% of split ups. It even happens with friends and roommates. I have been divorced since the 1978 and never remarried, despite raising 3 sets of children of girlfriends. I am living in another country and have many female friends, most of my close friends are women who are a lot younger. I have a roommate who moved in for "2 weeks" while her apartment was being repaired. That was 7 years ago and can't get her to leave. We met at a social event and dated a little, mostly opera or long bike rides into the forest or to the ocean but soon the control increased, (she pays none of the bills but does buy some groceries she preferres by not what I prefer ) and we traveled together for the first 3 years to places she wanted to go. I even created a business for her. But we never had sex or any romantic connection, yet the nagging and trying to control my friend contacts is nuts, as if I WAS married to her.. She calls my longest best friend the "prostitute" simply because I enjoy her company, and claims falsely my friend seeks money from me. She doesn't. But the attraction is that she is consistently friendly and very happy to see me, it is a pleasure to be around her and appreciates anything I do for her. The biggest issue for me however with the roommate is how she has zero homemaking skills and has taken over every square foot of the home with her clutter, piled high so it is too embarrasing to invite friends over to my home. I grew up thinking that women are naturally focused on having a home they can be proud of. Not this one, she seems to be oblivious and ignores my complaints and demands to clean it up or to move out. Being a lawyer she knows the laws in this country and ignores my demands because the laws are on the side of women in a case like this. She is attractive and smart, cultured and well dressed but is a control freak who only recognizers her interest as being valid. Recently I have become involved with a woman a little older than my roommate and in the 3 weeks since we met in a jazz club every second has been a big flashing green light. She is genuinely happy any small jesture or consideration from me, is alway with a genuine smile and sparkling eyes, very pretty, fit and happy and owns a successful business that when I made a suggestion, for a client in her marketing consulting business, she named the strategy after me. This addition has motived me to rid myself of my unwelcome occupant of my home. This long story fits with every point John made about men and women, and their differences in interaction between the sexes. Having her there has interferred with meeting new women in that a woman naturally wants to know why a woman occupies my home and is always calling me when she thinks I am out on a date.

[@dianezemliak5606]

Wow, you have gone through so much with this "roommate" who has taken over your life!!!! You deserve better than what you are accepting!! Set boundaries & tell her it's "time to leave". Tell her to get her own life!!

[@ozarkprepper1718]

Be faithful and attractive. Its that simple.

[@joannwood2854]

I wish it was that simple

[@atypical13thtwin15]

We do have the capacity to appreciate those who appreciate us. You see if a guy brought me roses that I didn't like, I mean the guy is who I didn't like, then I might be a rag and just say "thanks." I'd say, "Thank You!" to someone I appreciate more because lets get real! It's not estrogen! It's how others treat us... or its if we like the other person plain & simple. ~ I Like Men, dont get me wrong, I Dont Like Men who think they Know Everything about women.

[@cj7girl280]

I've learned long ago that you can't change men.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

That's true!

[@tianiemitchell5692]

I like that analogy but yeah sometimes it's good to have all the foreplay that's the main course

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

That's true Tianie! Thanks for watching!

[@dominiknewfolder2196]

I've been in marriage with controlling wife. "I will be unhappy until you will do what I want" was her default mode. After some time I started to feel and think about myself as worst person in the world. Accusations of being narcissist were used as a stick. Only total compliance brought peace and her happiness. Five seconds after saying yes to whatever she asked she was happy. How it ended? I decided to leave. That way everyone can be responsible for their own happiness. Seems fair to me. Be aware of women calling their partners narcissist. Usually those women are controlling by making men responsible for their feelings. Bonus for me was doubling my income after gaining peace of mind.

[@jenniferg.1106]

I love the story of your parents….my question is and I’m asking sincerely to learn….was your dad faithful?

[@fatimataylor4011]

Mrs. Marchant Johnson, thank you for hosting this very informative talk. It has been very helpful!

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks for watching and for your kind words too Fatima!

[@richbeauty212]

Excellent advice!! Such a logical approach that make total sense!🤩

[@stephaniefortney22]

This is so Beautifully Brilliant, Incredible Insightfulness , you’re A wonderful Gift! I appreciate Both of you 🌸🙏

[@catalhuyuk7]

Women are the keepers of the castle. A woman sets/creates the mood.

[@julesoc9677]

Omg this was really good and interesting! I love psychology of relationship. Super cool and true. There are always nuances to learn and perspectives to help us keep being better partners.❤️

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for your comments and for watching too Jules!

[@miranda6738]

Love listening to these, each person should be looking to the advantage of the other. It’s when one or more stops doing that that problems will arise. There is no place for selfishness in a relationship. Love, compassion, respect, trust and honour are must haves. Otherwise stay single.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks for watching and for your comments too Miranda!

[@camilledibenedetto6896]

I appreciate you Mr Gray...

[@thuyvanduong6104]

It's concerning that I use the same principals in training my dog.

[@wynandress2922]

Man, my husband doesn’t represent your typical representation of male behaviour! He’s the one who always wants to talk and it can go on and on until I’m completely overwhelmed! 🤪😳

[@kimfrederick7710]

Many good tidbits of information. Men love to feel as appreciated as women do and there is no harm in that!!! Definitely love to be someone's dessert

[@kimfrederick7710]

@@edwardmarsh4127 all is going well thank you for asking. Hope all is going well with you also

[@kimfrederick7710]

@@MuhammadImran-ln4fz hi

[@kimfrederick7710]

@@MuhammadImran-ln4fz I'm fine thanks and yourself

[@kimfrederick7710]

@@MuhammadImran-ln4fz I'm single

[@kimfrederick7710]

@@MuhammadImran-ln4fz I'm in PA taking care of my aging father. That's why I'm single because my family comes first and no man understands that our wants to deal with that. I'm a great and understanding woman, just need great understanding man too

[@LisaGemini]

I have been married to two control freaks but one of them said I tried to manipulate him! The jury's still out on that but I do try to keep complaining to a minimum. I grew up with parents who were complainers. I can say truthfully that I never nag a man. I know they hate it. As I also hate it.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

That's good Lisa to know you are aware of the way complaining can cause problems in relationships. Take care and thanks for watching!

[@staceyking7911]

Lisa, I say that @ women floor supervisors @ work. They from time to time NAG, NAG, AND NAG and on their WORST DAY, HENPECK!

[@stargazerbarb1574]

If you are wounded heal your wounds, no one else is responsible for that. Don’t marry a wounded child if its an adult you want.

[@piccalillies]

I love that you have the Virgin Mary behind you.

[@anonomous7936]

This is brilliant

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks so much for watching and for your comments too!

[@miriamariel6185]

yes Dr John Gray you are very right.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks for watching and for your comment too Miriam!

[@johnhartsock1891]

Do you know that John Gray was a great wrestler in his younger days? State champ, I think. His forte was reversals!!

[@DLBMOS]

How beautiful the flowers behind the lady

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks for watching and for your comments too!

[@gillyclark2292]

Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.

[@MichelleMarchantJohnson]

Thanks for watching!

[@tarlochansehmi1254]

Stay on the case