Messages From God | Jim Gaffigan: Dark Pale

“Messages From God” is a segment from Jim Gaffigan's stand-up special "Dark Pale” where contemplates how and why God communicates with humans and imagines what the creation of the Biblical Plagues was like.
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Jim Gaffigan is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and producer. He presently has 6 stand up specials on Netflix and 4 on Amazon Prime Video. He wrote 2 New York Times Best Sellers DAD IS FAT and FOOD: A Love Story

[@marietanner7538]

Jim imitating God and him having an assistant is everything 😂 😂

[@jovetj]

And the assistant is exactly Kif from _Futurama!_

[@janefromcanada6943]

The idea of God having an assistant is so hilarious. Your work is brilliant and original 😂😂

[@kryhigh9302]

Is that not what most religious leaders claim to be?

[@Mortimuss]

Saint Igor! 😂😂

[@robertmcpherson1617]

​@@kryhigh9302 No. Most of these types say they're his buddy and he often chats with them, telling them we should eat fish on Friday (Catholic God buddy) or that we are the elite (Protestant God buddy). 😁

[@28th_St_Air]

And that the assistant would have to tell God that frogs are amphibians as if God is just making shit up with no idea what they are 😂

[@simmonsrenos9111]

Alan Rickman in Dogma... awesome movie amazing cast.

[@matthewmoeckel1048]

If Jim Gaffigan was my pastor, I’d be attending church much more often.

[@David-R.]

Every day lol

[@davidvroege1053]

I’m a pastor and I’ve used Jim Gaffigan’s material in a sermon!

[@David-R.]

@@davidvroege1053 😂

[@skyless7304]

LOL

[@tomgocubs]

I’m a recovering pastor and his stuff makes me laugh really hard!

[@robinsilva4754]

“What about the pandemic, I sent a plague!” “They’re blaming the guy who invented Microsoft Word.” My favorite part 😄😅😂🤣

[@chelonnyamidas]

"I don't think you know what proof is." 😂😂😂 Thank you for sharing this segment!

[@krisquigley4497]

Isn't that just perfect? God did I laugh.

[@margaretcummings6908]

Hilarious and his timing!

[@nielstenbrink]

The man is nothing short of being a comedic genius.

[@tomc2979]

Religion. The best source of comedic material ever compiled.

[@tonystevenson26]

Mark Twain had some incredible religious humor, highly recommended

[@ElizabethJohnston-ti5nk]

"The Diary of Adam & Eve " {wet yer pants funny}

[@zaineridling]

I love how the god sounds like a drunk Charlie Heston. "She's only 14, it would be inappropriate."

[@karenk2409]

I'm Catholic, and I love this!

[@matthewr4836]

Me too 😂

[@drmanhattan6490]

Amazing. One of the best comedians to touch this planet. He’s in my top 5 of favorite comedians of all time.

[@drmanhattan6490]

@@leslieroycroft3569 will do

[@frolickinglions]

Jim Gaffigan makes quality stand up specials appear effortless. He and Jeannie (his wife and writing partner) are truly talented.

[@jamesp8459]

All my favorites are dead, except 1.. Jim

[@annickalexander]

​@@jamesp8459Who were they?

[@lenliu749]

The greatest sermon I have ever witnessed.

[@MagnoliaPantherWoman]

Jim Gaffigan saving us from the dark humor born in our brains during the pandemic. 💯

[@debbie9369]

Imaging Jim as a pastor!!! He’d pack the room!!!😅🤣🤣

[@sherricarrievioletalpha448]

I'd go every week I could and I'm a pagan raised catholic and nondenominational Christian growing up even though I knew i was a spiritualist back in elementary school.

[@bobmalack481]

Your absolutely right..IF he preached Bible. He would out pack Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer, and T.D. Jakes.

[@debbie9369]

@@bobmalack481 And he’d be more Scripturally accurate!!!! 😃

[@jamesprior2496]

​​@@bobmalack481You just listed 3 of the top worst FALSE teachers NOT preaching the true Gospel of CHRIST. How ironic. BTW: It's "you're" (you are) - not "your" - basic 3rd grade English.

[@shak4632]

its really not that big a deal and honestly wasn't even going to say anything but... I have a habit of rubbing people the wrong way so here we go; Imagining*

[@lyndaplaylist1]

Hilarious!!!!! I love watching your clips before I fall asleep. It helps wipe away the day with something funny, fresh and clever. Thank you, Jim, for sharing your gift with us ❤

[@laurabennett-mejia3554]

I agree 👍

[@margaretcummings6908]

I agree as well. Thanks for lifting us up Jim. You’re a blessing to all of us!

[@LloydBraun11]

Jim has the best voice for God, I think I've ever heard!

[@lando9953]

Jim’s new darker take is so good! it must have been a risk but it feels so fresh coming from him! love it

[@wadehaws8613]

I love the edge.

[@joshs3916]

JG never disappoints

[@SpencerMDay]

🙏🏻 Thank you Jesus’s mom, for saving Juan Diego’s uncle, so he could invent the burrito. Amen 🙏🏻

[@sarahdee374]

one of God's great gifts to the culinary arts!

[@mschuster]

Jim Gaffigan, thank you for making a day that was completely unsalvageable 10 mins ago better! You are the funniest man alive.

[@AscheWholeProductions]

If Mr. Gaffigan wanted to record an audiobook of the bible, I'd buy it. If God needed someone to pass his message on to the world, he could do much worse than Jim Gaffigan.

[@firstnamelastname9918]

Thank you for sharing these wonderful routines with us, Jim! ❤

[@runzoni]

God smiles on Gaffigan Good show sir Good show. 💚💚💚

[@FRAILT]

Awesome. Need more teaching comedy like this. Great Job Jim!

[@Brian-os9qj]

Jim Gaffigan= fun and laughter. Thx fella

[@CalvinHikes]

Okay but that Juan Diego story was pretty amazing.

[@ThunderPants13]

I've learned more about the bible from Jim than I ever did in Sunday school. 😁

[@Crimethoughtfull]

God arguing with his assistant! Amazing! HAHAHAHAHAHA

[@lovechallanges1608]

I've honestly never watched his comedy till this yr. Crazy!! He's freaking hilarious 😂😂😂

[@luckrequired5382]

Dark Pale is great stand up show, Jim almost loses the audience with bell jokes but wins them back, great stuff.

[@leese.23]

I always drop everything no matter what and watch Jim when he comes across my KZbin. 😅😂❤

[@callenclarke371]

Somehow none of this crosses the line. Great material!

[@t2themk2thec]

I totally cracked up when God mocked his assistant... LOL! Thanks, Jim, because we need some comic relief about about God these days.

[@brummet85]

Jim! Your new content Dark Pale is soooo good. Give us more!!!

[@princessbitch96]

I would love to see Jim do a skit with Jeff Bridges as God and Jim as the assistant. 😂😂

[@billyeveryteen7328]

This isn't a joke or a funny thing, but I got to visit the Basilica of Guadalupe, the church supposedly built as a result of Mary's visit to Juan Diego in Mexico City. There's a small chapel at the top of the Tepeyac Hill, where Mary supposedly appeared to Juan Diego, but I wasn't allowed up there when I went because it was undergoing restoration/renovations. The unfortunate thing I learned is that Sunday Mass is no longer held at the "Old" basilica, it's held in a far newer one built right next to it; which is really unfortunate because the new basilica is nowhere near as nice because it looks like a circus tent. Even if, like me, you're not particularly religious, it's still a beautiful building and worth a trip if you're into historical architecture. Plus, you can stop at any of the dozen or so tiny restaurants around the basilica and have suadero.

[@markinnis8404]

This was hilarious!

[@quetzal3000]

Thank God for Jim Gaffigan

[@HettiedeKorteDiplomaat]

Jim is brilliant.

[@MariaRodriguez-gc9jk]

His jokes are very funny without needing to use one word of profanity!.

[@itsmarieg5816]

And this is why I love him!!!

[@stephanieharries7746]

😂😂😂❤ you're talking about the building and the proof in the rose petals I realized how much fun it would be to have as a child have him tell me bedtime stories he's a natural bedtime story teller that's if he has any energy after all his stories he has to stay on stage

[@ichijofestival2576]

I may not believe in a magical cloud man, but I definitely believe in burritos.

[@kunkmiceter]

Amen to that. 👍🤤

[@Earthad23]

No one is arguing for a magic cloud man, that’s your myth.

[@clemente1506]

From one Jimmy to another, you are the funniest man alive.

[@Jgjanice]

W o w. What a great orator Comedian genius

[@amostake]

Okay, the space lasers was funny.

[@joblo2671]

God bless you, Jim. I needed that.😅

[@joshapple6905]

Im a Christian, and I LOVE this!! Jim is a great comedian. The bible ssys that there is a time and place for everything. Including Humour.

[@krisquigley4497]

This is EXACTLY how God thinks, I know it.

[@chykim1]

We're gonna freak that pharaoh out😂😂😂

[@moresalad221]

Love you Jim!!

[@ilovemelodyjane]

Amen. 🙏🏻

[@bluezzbastardzz]

I think Jim's physical comedy abilities are way too underrated, e.g. illustrating poor Juan's long side-stepping runs.

[@poodle_soup211]

As a matter of fact Jim is correct about current days events.

[@rosemagny]

Jim is simply amazing 😍 Great stand up as usual ❤

[@KeithCooper-Albuquerque]

Excellent bit, Jim! I love it!

[@lindap7719]

Not Jim's best material for me, but overall he's one of the best.

[@idanatiq]

Simply his best stuff yet

[@mierzwasindiandavidmierzwa7029]

I love Jim gaffigan's God voice too!😂😂😂😂❤❤❤❤

[@davidgregorio3044]

I think even God is cracking up listening to Jim tell bible stories ...he is so funny

[@linshanhsiang]

"Closer to where I live".

[@puirYorick]

I enjoy the way you lampoon religion with gentle humour. It's good to have a spectrum of approaches online.

[@JenniferDomitrovits-xu9df]

I would argue he’s not lampooning religion as a whole, more like a particular type of religion. He’s a devout Catholic.

[@puirYorick]

@@JenniferDomitrovits-xu9dfWhat people call themselves (or how they sincerely see themselves) may not link up directly with all of their public or private actions. The men we have- and do refer to as "The Pope" all profess to be devout Catholics. Yet, each one has (allegedly) diligently worked to conceal or obstruct the criminal prosecution of horrific crimes committed against innocent children under their authority by some of their minions. Also, frauds and financial scandals cause ordinary, hard-working folks to lose their investments. In short, "devout" has become just another word. Many in my extended family are religiously "devout" but have regularly said some pretty unkind things about specific groups of people as it suits them. Jokes, lampooning, bullying, and worse. I've been victimized by religious-based cronyism in a past workplace where the "devout" held power positions after a corporate takeover.

[@davcar23]

As a Catholic Mexican I can confirm the last story is canon 😊

[@MelissaAlejandra96]

Particularly Kanye West on Juan Diego’s cape !! ❤️🥰❤️😍

[@runzoni]

Kudos!

[@ShellyBomb]

Father Gaffigan 🙏 ... 😂

[@deejayk5939]

Love this!

[@pamelas1002]

Gotta love him!

[@ianflanagan209]

Just to point something out, each of the 10 plagues on egypt was meant to correlate to each of their gods because they were pantheistic they had gods related to the nile, the sun, frogs ect. By God controlling these things it was his way of showing himself more powerful than the egyption gods.

[@zacharyjackson1829]

which is honestly just a ego trip on God's part not gonna lie

[@monikag1323]

I just learned that today. The church leaves out 90% of information.

[@ianflanagan209]

@@zacharyjackson1829 Well let me explain it like this, suppose you were a father with many children and you were also a skilled craftsman. As a skilled craftsman you create many beautiful things say chairs, tables and other furnishings. One day some of your children decide to stop calling you father and decide to start calling the chairs and tables you made father and further more begin enslaving your other children and forcing them to call things you made their father. You see all this and are upset but do not intervene for say 40 years, you try to talk with them but they ignore you. But after a long time you decide that you must break the things you had made so they stop calling those things father. One by on you break the tables and the chairs and each time you say to them stop abusing my children and realize I am your father, not these things. You do this 10 times but each time they only of lip service and continue what they were doing. Finally you have no choice but to mount a rescue mission get as many out as possibly and completely cut off the unrepentant ones that refuse to let go and stop calling the thing father. As a father you could understand this. God is both a Father and a creator, but furthermore he is the most righteous, most holy, most just, most beautiful and all though he is Love and is patient he will not share his glory with things infinitely lesser than himself such as the earth, sun and universe or even the holy angels nor will he allow his children made in his image to be continuously destroyed forever. You should find a good in depth study of the book of Exodus, you will find that what God did was right and just and that he gave the Egyptians 400 years of doing what they did and gave them more than 10 chances to listen, they could have just let the Hebrew slaves go the first time Mosses asked and there would not have been any plagues at all. They brought wrath on themselves by their own actions. They did not have to wonder if the plagues were from God or not it was made explicitly clear but they hardened their hearts.

[@ianflanagan209]

@@monikag1323 I mean I learned that at my church. I would not say all churches leave out 90% of information but I would say there is a crisis of a lack of in depth analysis of the scriptures for the most part. Depending on the denomination and the style of church service certain aspects will be emphasized more than others. If you go to a seeker sensitive church such as a non denominational church they are more likely to focus on the Love of God, blessings and practical applications of Christian virtues. If you go to a pentacostal church they will emphasize the Holy spirit, the gifts and the fruits of the spirit. If you go to a baptist church they will emphasize a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, adult baptism and abstaining from sin. If you go to a presbetarian church they may emphasize the sovereignty of God, the kingdom of God and Gods will. Lutherans emphasize sola scriptura, sola fide and baptismal regeneration. Roman Catholics may emphasize the passion of Christ, the importance of good works and the role of the virgin mary and the other saints. Orthodox may emphasize holy tradition, the holy mysteries and process of theosis. Adventist may emphasize the seventh day sabbath, the appearance of Christ in the totality of scripture both old and new testament and Christs second coming. Methodists may emphasize living a holy life, free will and evangelism. Of course each has more than these things, but just some the differences. If you took the best that each branch offered you would have the most complete understanding of the faith but the most important thing is that they all adhere to the nicean creed any church that denies those beliefs is not Christian. You wont get 100% of the Bible by just going to church once a week, if you truly want to know what it says and why it says what it says then you need to read it yourself, go to bible studies and watch lectures on the various books of the Bible and the various ideas there in. Unfortunately consumerism and tribalism have led to a watered down shallow christianity that would not be recognizable by most christians just a hundred years ago. It is extremely deep and interesting and endless searchable. The fact there such great access to the Bible and theological and historical resources in abundance and yet so little discernment is a symptomatic of spiritual and intellectual apathy foretold Luke 18:8

[@floccinaucinihilipilifications]

Unfortunately it still doesn’t work to communicate when it counts…

[@tashuntka]

Oh, thank you Juan's uncle... I have faith.. I love burrito 🌯 😋 😍

[@rocketreindeer]

I like how the Lord sounds similar to Richard Nixon.

[@margieb.4346]

Loved it. I wish his show was still on t.v.

[@coleengoodell7523]

Friken hilarious. I to find funny things in the Bible. Have laughed more than once when Job was complaining that his wife wouldn't sleep with him anymore because she said he had bad breath. I think she was trying to be nice because at that time he was covered in seeping boils, but the bad breath, yeah, that's the reason.

[@physics77guy]

if you rationalize any religion, you will be surprised with all the funny stuff which is there.....lol

[@UnkleBen]

the fact that millions of people TODAY believe stories written 1800+ years ago for the completely uneducated is whats funny to me.

[@tabathasheffroth7981]

Redd Foxx once said that Job invented the most elastic substance on Earth..."Tied his ass to a tree and walked forty miles into town."

[@enriqueloyola898]

The story of Juan Diego is true. She is called the Virgin of Guadalupe. Tens of Thousands of mexicans make pilgrimage every year to the church to see the Image of the Virgin of Guadalupe on Juan Diegos cape a true miracle. So cool that Jim knows about it

[@DoctorCurran]

98.6, miraculous!

[@TNT-km2eg]

You can sell anything to dummies

[@motheryuba57]

I love this guy.

[@WilliamFoster-g3g]

I love jim gaffigan was a god's humor

[@psychrockvinyl]

Freaking love it dude!

[@dusandestanovic5884]

Wow, phenomenal! 😂

[@QYRANG]

We love this guy in Canada 🇨🇦

[@Furrygirl06050]

Canada still allows humor?

[@palmyrapalmyra1681]

His wife writes his (brilliant) material. His delivery is genius. Team made in heaven.🤣😂

[@JustReed]

Now God finally makes sense.

[@ItsRANDOMroblox-sg5pd]

HI Jim I am literally your biggest fan I love ur content so much I watch it on Netflix and on KZbin I went to see you once your literally my hero I would love to meet u some day I have watched Mr universe like 100000000 times I know like y’all the lines I love your videos so much ur literally amazing ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@ThePoindexter-nu4lp]

“An image of Kanye West” had me wheezing

[@TheTarrMan]

Very deep thoughts at the end.

[@frankmacleod2565]

Jim rules

[@docthemetalfreak]

he would make a fun preacher

[@royalewren]

Your cousin taught our class how to code and some girl in my class was like "are you related to Jim Gaffigan?" and she's like "yep" and I'm like "SHUT THE HELL UP YOU ARE NOT." anyway.

[@SmalltownRc18184]

I went to the dark pale show and it was awesome.

[@janelbullock9141]

Lmao!!! This was really good!

[@andrewwhite8762]

Priceless!

[@danashane]

his version of religious myths makes more sense than any from organized religions

[@gracieofgod8899]

Um…his routine is pretty accurate to what the Catholic Church teaches, just with better voices and more snark.

[@Earthad23]

Everything is a myth, reality is rationality embedded in a myth.

[@EvanWilliams2000]

You are amazing

[@rodqueen2910]

this is so good.

[@artortega7230]

So hilarious! 😂😂😂

[@daniellehaythorne7949]

Fantastic set

[@H_H_____]

I laughed too hard at this whole segment. 😅😂

[@pianoreigns]

EXACTLY

[@jeanaston1532]

It seems irreverent yet not somehow!😅 I really do enjoy Jim’s humour…no swearing or naughty words. Yes I’m 🇨🇦 Canadian! The spelling always gives me away!😂

[@shirleyclemmer3299]

Don’t forget nice, eh?

[@harrisonthorburn7415]

I imagine God would be played by Brian Dennehy in Jim’s scenario.

[@GlobalDeeW]

Thank you JG. I think I might be catholic now.

[@joea1433]

The flowers were not n season at the elevation where they were presented but were in season at the elevation where he picked them in the mountains. This is readily apparent while driving through the mountains in Mexico, at the low elevations it is desert, then as you drive to higher elevations you encounter tropical forests, then when you get to the top you go through pine forests. So in a days drive you pass through 3 different climates and biological zones.

[@WOK-YT-handle]

Soooo Good

[@shooby9496]

"Plagues are God's sad face emoji" 😂

[@sjinzaar]

Kanye West got me howling....❤

[@StanleypeterDickinson]

Shofar So Heap Good Medicine Man!