Midweek with Dr. C- Twisted Feelings Due To Being With A Narcissist

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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[@pamschlaner6773]

I was married to a narcissist for 32 years . I strived and fought that whole time for harmony , unity , open communication , a happy home etc… It was never accomplished. Every year life became more and more unbearable until I couldn’t take it anymore and left . Each day for me now is a gift and a breath of fresh air . Thank you for helping me identify what my ex is . Every single podcast I’ve listened to is so spot on what my life was like daily .

[@sturobertson6791]

Good for you. May you have many years of healthy freedom🙏👍☀️

[@sw6454]

@pam Schlaner Thank you for your comment. I’ve been married for 30 years and did exactly like you did and I’m at the start of all the split etc so it gives me hope that you are feeling better. ❤️ All the best for a brighter, better future.

[@pamschlaner6773]

@@sw6454 Thank you for sharing a bit of your personal life with me . I’ve listened to this podcast and felt very strongly about sharing my experience. I wish you strength, resilience, peace and happiness as you take the next steps on your journey . I’m cheering you on !

[@rosieE121]

I did the same for 30 years. Hadn't heard of narcissists and then one day I heard a quiet voice like God talking to me, telling me "you have been hurt long enough. Get off your white horse, you are not equipped to save this guy". Freedom is good. So amen. Amen.

[@everymomentisagift]

Good for you Pam. So happy for you that you are away from such abuse. It is truly a breath of fresh air indeed!

[@flightydancer]

Of all the narcissist recovery channels I watched, Dr. C's is my most favourite because not only because of his genuine mission of helping others heal, he presents this difficult topic in a calm, safe, digestible, professional and gentle manner. He is expert in this topic and when I hear what he has to say, everything make sense. Never biased, judgemental and extreme. I am thankful to all that you are doing for us, Dr. C. You make this world a better place.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for this encouraging feedback!!

[@mohamedelyaouti2051]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I enjoy your videos as well. Thanks for taking the time to do them

[@gillianbrookwell1678]

Narcissists hold grudges, sometimes reminding you of what you supposedly did 10 years ago, blame you, have no accountability for anything they have done. My ex husband, the narcissist would smirk when he'd upset me. My mother noticed this, yet she could never figure him out. I put up with this charade of a marriage for over 40 years until I had to get out for my own sanity.

[@ladybird491]

Reminding someone of what they did years ago is not a narc trait cause sometime the person didn't make right nor did not change and dismissed it for years.

[@donttreadonme2]

40 years! Omg... thank God you're out. I'm in 28 years and am trying to exit before I lose myself completely. I'm sorry for what you've been through ... your post and brave exit gives me strength. Peace n happiness

[@sara-dx3ix]

​@donttreadonme2 you can do it. Working on my exit plan to. Take care x

[@susanstardust4706]

Take the pronoun out of "they hate me." "They hate." Spot on Dr C! As always. Tremendous respect to you and Gus. Love and peace from England x

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased to be with you there in England.

[@Jay-xx5pg]

AW

[@Bianca-sw5id]

I love 🥰 it when I see messages that people mention Gus 🥰🙂

[@elaineanderson2989]

Yes don't take their hate personally. They don't discriminate they treat everybody like crud eventually it may not seem like it around others when they are love bombing everyone BUT you but that doesn't last. Thank-u Dr Carter I agree bull-corn they know. 🌎 😇

[@still_awake]

@@SurvivingNarcissism, some people say that narcissists are NPC’s or that they are organic portals with no souls…here to cause conflict and human suffering. That they can mimic human emotions to blend in. I don’t necessarily believe that they are soulless only because I know of one that has birthed children. One of those children, however, is showing similar behavior. Can narcissism be passed down? What’s your take on this, doctor?

[@amandaliverpool3374]

When I told my now ex hubby that I'd had enough, he looked so hurt. We'd seen a counsellor and he had been reading books from the library. He said 'Aren't we going to TRY' I'd been trying for years. He said "Ah but now I'm trying as well. So If we both 'TRY' together, we'll be fine" 😱 I had nothing left to TRY with!

[@menotyou6254]

Yes the dance takes both people he can either choose to dance with you or by himself but you my dear keep dancing to the rhythm of the beautiful music of life. And if he doesn’t choose to dance with you bye-bye life is beautiful there are many that will dance with you as long as the music is playing dance love laugh don’t waste another precious minute of your life on some flash bag human sock wearing sack of I may try I might not try

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@menotyou6254 I'm OK thanks. It's been a long time and my lads are grown. I share one of my stories to perhaps help others. He remarried about 18mnths ago. 25 yrs after our wedding. She's NOT having a nice time. He didn't learn! Take care 🙂

[@marieldavison5121]

Funny what they'll say or do to try and pull you back in when you've had it. They always rally at the end when all is truly lost and the victim feels apathetic towards them. No seeing the light that's for sure! Cheers to you Amanda wish I could have made the live chat ~ out of town. Take good care.🙂

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@marieldavison5121 Never mind there's always the replay and there'll be more. TTFN 🙂

[@aaronkwolfe]

Guys don’t realize that counseling is usually a last ditch effort for their spouse. It is NOT a starting point.

[@margaretmlydon6910]

I found that when you forgive a narcissist, they seem to be able to twist things and the forgiveness, as a weakness in you, and then turn the blame over to you. You are right calling this a pretzel causing situation.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My dad, the narcissist is patronizing, condescending when he "forgives" me for something he perceived was wrong, like he is better than me; I wanted to retch!

[@conndapierce5869]

Watching from Reedsport Oregon. Was married to a narcissist for 45 years. Boy was my brain messed up. I prayed to God for a clean heart and right Spirit which is a verse in the Bible. Asking him basically to help me think correctly. And that's when I started finding out about narcissist through you and other people who study narcissist. It's a long haul trying to get to be the person that I was meant to be. And get through the fog of War basically. Thank you doctor C.

[@menotyou6254]

YEAH FOR YOU! 🥳 enjoy yourself now is your time phone love with yourself there will be a day where you don’t even think about him it will come and then you remember you didn’t think about him so he thought about him I hope you’re laughing now. Dr. C is really helpful. Keep looking there’s more out there get out in your community Reedsport organize a beautiful place I used to live in Oregon I live in Hawaii now go on a trip if you can afford it. Even if it’s just to a different part of Oregon Oregon is the most diverse and fabulous state. Loads of fantastic people. Your one aloha

[@JennieNMoya]

I've been married to a covert narcissist for 39 years. I want to thank you for your comment and reminding me about God's word. Praying for a clean heart and the right spirit. I know how very hard it is to deal with evil like this on a daily basis. Last night I was thinking I needed to ask God for help but didn't know where to start and you said you asked for him to help you think correctly. That's exactly what I'm going to ask for myself. God be with you and remember one day at a time. God bless you. Jennie

[@enoughisenough4166]

I'm right there with you, known him for 46 years, married for 43 years. Hoping for an exit. As he's gotten older, it's become beyond words. Can't spend the rest of my life this way anymore.

[@sturobertson6791]

I really like your phrases... "the person I was meant to be" and "the fog of war". Well said 🙏 I wish you all the best for a healthier and happier future. 👍☀️

[@goesfarfliesnear1447]

@@enoughisenough4166 It won't change and you know the answer to what you need to do-your last sentence sums it up nicely. I care for an elderly parent who is the same way and as they get older, the varnish comes off. I'm currently making an exit strategy for myself. The sum total of your life is not the years you've spent with that person. Living in an unhealthy situation is like a pebble in your shoe-pretty soon it will become unbearable. Your gut will never let you down. I believe you are a sensitive, caring person who is seeking answers, or you wouldn't be here. You're at the trail head of the rest of your life but what a beautiful life it will be. You really do got this. I'll keep you in my thoughts. 🦋

[@perfectpeace123]

I don’t understand why narcissists are so scared of quiet people that don’t bother anyone. Narcissists want you to be beneath them . They don’t want to see anyone as an equal.

[@Georgia.O]

You may have answered your own question 😊 They perceive quietness as weakness so they will pounce. Their paranoia fills in the silence with their fears so they keep at it. Funny if you think about it, they are shadow boxing with themselves..

[@parisizzles3897]

Overcome evil with good! The light always overcomes the darkness!! Darkness has no power over the light!! 😃💐

[@lindabell2940]

5 more checks, for this comment

[@julienatoli8561]

FREE WILL!! Yes the scriptures are 1000% true AND reliable .. Rom.12:21 ... however!! Free Will always comes into play! You cannot MAKE someone be honest!! Narcs twist the truth. Period. It's always about dominance and control. THEY are shame based, incredibly insecure and have zero INTEREST in changing!! People don't change people, only God changes people!! And nobody has ever made permanent changes to come up higher and better, taking full responsibility for their actions unless they WANT to. Narcs attitude is, ... Hey it's workin' for me what's the problem?!! As God loving & fearing individuals we have to remember, there IS evil in the world and it's intent IS to steal, kill and destroy ... What does the narc steal? Your peace of mind, and remember they KNOW what they are doing!!! So to apply more scriptures like, Forgive them, they no not what they are doing!!! Yes they DO know what they are doing & they live to manipulate and control. Period. Quite simply they do not change all because they are perfectly content with their deception, that twisting the TRUTH is a good & decent way to live. Narcissism is definitely on a spectrum and so is EVIL. I believe what is so key to remember, is that Forgiveness is NOT trust!! Trust absolutely needs to be earned. I say love the narc from a distance!! Team HEALTHY is the only way to live .. take care of YOU! 🙏🕊️✝️

[@marieldavison5121]

@@lindabell2940 Nuts or not I'm glad you have joined us all on Team Healthy! Cheers!👋

[@kat-75]

When you live under the same roof and your getting your head kicked in do you really think the light will just stop a vile violent idiot? If God has to consistently interview divinely then a person should just leave.

[@bethtaylor9773]

Forgiveness is simply letting go of the hurt and anger because God forgave me. It doesn't mean getting back in the line of fire or forgetting. For me, it means freeing myself of resentment but setting strong boundaries for me that protect me.

[@Gemmarose9012]

Forgiving means to pardon. What you described is letting go.

[@bethtaylor9773]

@@Gemmarose9012 , when I pardon someone who doesn't ask for that or apologize, I let go of the hurt and anger...and then deal with the trust issue. Two separate things.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My dad takes forgiveness as an excuse to hurt me again. "Letting him off the hook" is his synonym for "forgiveness". He needs to apologize to me for all the pain he caused me.

[@bethtaylor9773]

He needs to, but don't hold your breath waiting for that. God is our real and present dad who loves us every moment; talk to Jesus instead. Yes, narcissistic people in my experience think that forgiveness is like pushing a reset button that gives them the right to just do it again. That's not what forgiveness is - it's letting go of the hurt to the Lord, our real dad...but it doesn't mean trusting that person again unless he/she proves over time to be worthy of that trust. It doesn't mean that I need to interact as if I trust again. I can trust Jesus. @@jackilynpyzocha662

[@MrTarot87]

My narcissist ex husband came back after 7 years... my fiance had just passed away... He said he was going to help me 'get better' from the trauma of a sudden death in my life. Instead, he locked in, claimed residency, and refused to leave my home after I'd realized he was never going to help me with anything. He emptied my bank account, totaled my vehicle and put me in the psych ward for being overly demanding that he leave. Never again!

[@marieldavison5121]

They bait and hook you when you are vulnerable or at sentimental times like holidays and special occasions. Throwing around empty words and bread crumb morsels of attention. They are so dependent that you just know they will bleed you dry of both tangible assets and non tangible assets! Leeches and blood suckers really. Parasitic. Sorry you like many have had to find out the hard way. It sounds like your well rid of him and his false shadow self. All my best to you ~ nice to see you here with the gang on Team Healthy.🙂

[@StephaniRoberts]

Oh my gosh, you’re so strong to have endured this scenario. I’m sorry you went through it and I hope you’re rid of him, and all of them, for good and on a path to healing. Take good care of yourself! Wishing you a beautiful year ahead with lots of positive things unfolding in your life. 💛💛💛

[@kimberlymayland3342]

I certainly hope that what u texted here, stops at least one person from going thru this. They r alien's as far as I'm concerned

[@carolinekamya2339]

wow - they say NEVER GO BACK - I get it -

[@miss_whipps]

My narc called squatter's rights and i literally could not get him out of my home, even by calling police. I've gotten to psych ward level rages over his refusal to GTFO OF MY HOUSE. How pathetic, these grown men behaving like emotional terrorists... Smh😮‍💨

[@joachimcoonan6255]

" Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore, be wise as serpents, and harmless as doves..." Mathew 10:16

[@cherylomeara1944]

Watching from victoria Australia . Married to a narcissist for 35 years until he became abusive and violent. Could not cope any longer. Separated for 18 mths. Living now with the aftermath.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad to be with you there in Victoria!

[@colleengarcia7752]

The toxic fallout. It must especially bad if you have to rely on financial support out of need until you can get on your feet.

[@hannahs_house]

My "spiritual narcissistic" mother almost destroyed my life. Your therapy sessions help me to recognize the narcissism in my mother so that I can identify these traits in myself and lose all traces of her influence. My brothers and I have been no-contact with her for several years. No one wins in a situation like ours, but at least the never-ending drama and spiritual manipulation is gone. 🙌

[@glai5752]

It’s a big loss when you don’t have the family you dream off, with parents and brothers and sisters. But your mother was never there for you Hannah. Now that you’re strong enough to cut her toxicity out of your life, you gained your healthy self back. Hope your brothers are giving you the support you need. There are people out there that are not blood related to you like your mother but who are kind, wise and loving, they can be your family too. You and your time are too precious to be wasted on people are not worthy. That sounds like a win to me. Stay strong and healthy.❤

[@hannahs_house]

@@glai5752 Thank you for taking the time to leave such a kind comment! I knew my mother was toxic and that our household was always at odds, but as I once told my brothers, mom was always the common denominator in any family trouble. It was either me and her fighting or her and one of my brothers, etc. It was never ME against DAD, or the two boys fighting. It was always MOM and someone else. It wasn't until I stumbled upon Dr. C that I learned about narcissism and it explained everything! My brothers are my best friends and although we don't see one another often due to distance, we are very close and have no problems getting along (even though mom often tried pitting us against one another). My husband's father is also a narcissist who in many ways destroyed my husband's life, so he and I often go to lunch and discuss our screwed up families. He's my psychiatrist. 😄

[@glai5752]

@@hannahs_house Sounds like you have lots of wonderful people around you. I’m very happy for you. Have a good life and stay blessed.

[@hannahs_house]

@@glai5752 I am very grateful for the blessings in my life. It was a pleasure hearing from you. I hope you have a wonderful day and thank you again for your kind words!

[@glai5752]

@@hannahs_house Thanks Hannah! You do the same. And you’re very welcome. Wish we were near. We can be lunch buddies sometimes. 😃🙏🏻. Take care.

[@swallowtailcam]

Watching from WY, but from NC. Caring for my elderly dad. Married to a covert narcissist for 35 yrs. He walked out on me on the same day he told me "there is someone else" in his life. Suddenly, he went from telling me he loved me to acting as if I was a complete stranger. He moved in with the new woman same day. 3 years later, I still have trouble understanding after 35 yrs of walking on eggshells to keep him happy.

[@maryl8753]

That is devastating for you. I am so sorry. I hope you find peace and happiness.

[@tmo.48]

Mine would NEVER say the words I love you. Neither would he say please or thank you, not even "could you ".

[@Anonymous-wy5tk]

It’s almost inconceivable what you have had to endure. It’s confusing and so painful. I’m sorry you’re hurting. If you’ll allow me to share what I see as the bright side; you don’t have to deal with the “drama” that your leaving him would have ignited! Now when his new girlfriend kicks him out 🙄, do not let him in. Call the cops. HE WILL NOT CHANGE.

[@Hatbox948]

That woman is probably wanting to send him packing by now.

[@levinitabarlow9569]

​@@Anonymous-wy5tk💯

[@christinadennis1223]

I have had and still have narcissist people in my life. I find radical acceptance and grey rocking has really helped. Thank you Dr C and Gus 🐕 and all the people who message on here.❤️ Much love from the UK 🇬🇧😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Christina!

[@indiesindie1984]

Indeed👍

[@aaronkwolfe]

"Twisted feelings" after gaslighting. How does one know who they really are? I'm 7+ years clean & sober from narc abuse. For me, it took trusting again, with people who proved trustworthy. Agreed, it took baby steps, as my "spidey sense" was a bit overactive toward possible narcissism. It took reflection and learning what is and isn't healthy. There were people I could trust, and that's where I began. That, and journaling. But it took vulnerability. I needed to bare my thoughts and soul, if only to make sure my head was screwed on straight. Fortunately, the people I trusted were indeed trustworthy. They showed me my own dark places and where I needed to grow. I took them at their word, and actively sought to improve in those places. They showed me where I was jaded, and where my attitudes were ugly. I knew their trustworthiness was for my own good. It made all the difference.

[@aaronkwolfe]

An evidence of jaded? Ok. I had adopted a negative term that I used in place of my (estranged, narcissistic) wife's name. I used that "name" for a year, and a friend heard it and asked if that was who I wanted to be: a jaded, name-calling, bitter man. I listened. I agreed. I changed. It brought me to a point of distant forgiveness, where I was no longer her judge, jury, nor executioner. Then I began to pray for her. One I used to love deeply. I began to want what was truly best for her, knowing that it wasn't me. That, friends, is forgiveness. As best as I can do, at least.

[@sturobertson6791]

@@aaronkwolfe Beautifully and powerfully said Aaron. Yes it's forgiveness, and I think it also shows respect (for all, including yourself), and your learned ability to let go of anger, or not look back in anger. Yours (IMHO) is a comment that demonstrates that growth isn't just a fancy therapy word, it's something that others (who can) notice. Cheers Aaron, I found that helpful🙏👍☀️

[@aaronkwolfe]

1:18 “… and Pennsylvania, where Aaron lives.” I did grin at that.

[@miss_whipps]

Love love love this! Just starting the process of reassembling myself and I can't imagine ever trusting a man again, ever. Your words give me hope! Thank you!

[@willaberryman3600]

Iam afraid to write anything it will be seen

[@TheLamba444]

I can say thank you a million times and he will tell me in a rage that I have never said thank you for all he has done for me.

[@miss_whipps]

💯 Me tooooo! 🤬😡🤬

[@caseyhooker9218]

maybe he is not thankful for what you have done for him?

[@TheLamba444]

@@caseyhooker9218, He will say how appreciates everything I have done for him, but if I happen to forget one time to say thank you for whatever it may be, he will point it out or have a meltdown. I have been with him for over sixteen years, the old saying in sickness and health: I have seen him go through the suffering and almost dying from gastric cancer, down to ninety-nine pounds, chemotherapy, and been there to encourage him through those dark hours when he was giving up hope of surviving. Praying through Christ and getting a miracle in his remission. But I feel sometimes like I have been the verbal punching bag for his anger in his weakness.

[@HD-mg9ru]

There needs to be a point in your life where you have to put yourself 1st. You really need to implement self awareness self care and self love. You can't let your well run dry and drain every little bit of you that you have left. My theory is I don't forgive, I accept the situation for what it is. I let go and let God. And all you could do is love these people from a distance. Because we are worthy and we deserve to be included and we do deserve Love- Respect-Dignity and Civility. 🙏❤

[@tessellatiaartilery8197]

Please add Japan to the fan base list. Thank you very much Dr Carter for bringing us together in positivity and clarity. Best wishes to everyone on Team Healthy.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased to be with you there in Japan.

[@canduscanty8583]

Forgiveness isn't enough for my narcissistic family they want to continue to force their way into my life,force me to be with them etc. And it's like NO I don't want to all y'all do is try to destroy me. They don't want peace they're all about strife and anger and negativity. I keep letting my guard down and getting sucked back in I'm 42years old and just want to be free from this 😩💔😞

[@TwinklingofaneyeLoveStoryofGod]

A narcissistic family member was irresponsible and crossed a boundary, now they want to “not fight, and just go back to normal” 😂😮 I can laugh now, and grateful for my growth❤. As before I would get upset at that type of response. Now I have understanding, and know what to do about holding steady with my boundaries. Thanks Dr C. Lots of love to you for all the help you provide. Shalom ❤

[@grammamellow1219]

A year ago A Family member committed to visit and help trim and clear dead and leaning limbs and trees. I text Bout another fm health. He responded with "you just text me a bunch of nonsense and we had a big storm blow through here and we are cleaning up fallen limbs and storm blown trees" um, I had that in mid winter. I hired a stranger in spring . "But, people try to help me I just don't let them"...was another text response from the same fm. It's Bizzare. And ironic. When you consider that again. 🤔

[@grammamellow1219]

He committed to showing up. But didn't follow through and then...and it's Baffeling..eventually I get to the point where I just delete the history of the communication and tell them to tell the story however they wanna tell it. I did not eat the couch. I did not bite the cat. I did not steal your belt. I am responsible for my being, not what others desire to put in the effort to translate and the direction they choose to go. Part of the programming and de construction of same. Ability or Dis Ability is a matter of perspective. There are other abilities. What are the possibilities?

[@moxiepooties6363]

How about a narcissist who justifies all their demands and their disdain with "that's the way I feel". They think whatever they feel entitles them to their own way, to have things be how THEY want them to be. BUT your feelings are completely illegitimate!

[@tanyajohnson6066]

Hiding true feelings and purposely lying to cover shit up are two different things

[@sharongedack4198]

I complimented my N son, and his response was that it was something I would say to a 14 year old instead of a man 52 years old!! I never know how anything I say is going to be taken,, but when I’m quiet, I’m accused of being passive aggressive!! I’m constantly confused!

[@kristenmarie9248]

Mother, and adult sons can be such a challenging relationship!😱🤦‍♀️

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I have 2 young adult sons. It's definitely a challenge 😱

[@sharongedack4198]

Thanks for your encouragement.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@sharongedack4198 You're very welcome. Take care 🙂

[@cindyallen4831]

Haha! My ex narc husband also said he “didn’t know it was wrong” to chat/text/talk to women behind my back. Yep, I called bullsh@t, too. 😂

[@windysmith7367]

Hi Cindy, my ex narc boyfriend was secretly talking to an ex girlfriend ( 10 years prior) and upon discovery said SHE had called him and he was helping her because he is just a really helpful guy. Tried normalizing this saying all people are friends with their exes, blah blah. The difference is that healthy mature partners don’t hide it and hide on going conversations (months) or what they are doing with this person. It was the end of our 2 year relationship because it was the tipping point for me. I knew he was lying and deflecting but claiming he wanted a relationship with me. This, along with his silent treatment, gaslighting, mood swings, and anger made me wake up. He went into a very scary rage upon me leaving just proving to me more that he is a very disordered person. No contact 3.5 months.

[@Hatbox948]

Mine did the same, but went even further. He became emotionally involved with a buddy's daughter who was a phone sex girl. She bilked him out of thousands of dollars. He'd drive hours to visit her and spend days there. He even gave her his little sports car (Mazda Miata convertible) when her car was repossessed. All the while he's telling her how evil I was, and it became them against me. Her father, my narc's buddy, was on their side. He saw nothing wrong with their "friendship".

[@preparedsurvivalist2245]

My forgiveness comes backed by a reinforcement and fortification of ALL my boundaries. And typically, if you did nothing to deserve my forgiveness, it means I only did it for my own mental well being. My forgiveness of the narcissist will not allow them any further tactics. It will simply help me heal and move on while rendering them a powerless force in my life.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Another great video Dr. Carter. You are helping me open my eyes and it is not pretty. It is terrible to get this old still not understanding what is going on with all the self-doubt and negativity. Maybe you could do a video for the 60+ crowd that feel it might just be too late to overcome this lifelong struggle. Thanks for your work.

[@jeankipper6954]

72, daughter of 2 narcissists, married another, still digging my way out.

[@kristenmarie9248]

❤💕❤💕❤

[@Denise11Schultz]

67, not too old, just really need the ‘how to’. 👍💙🕊

[@kristenmarie9248]

@@Denise11Schultz 58, and learning every day to heal.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm 68, so consider that as I speak!!

[@bar8419]

This was so good. Love the discussion about character disorder vs mood disorder. Such an important distinction!

[@kashashaw79]

Breaking the bond with both personalities of the narcicist is a real work. I've rarely felt twisted or unclear. But I sometimes still struggle with the negative intensity.

[@tmo.48]

Both personalities!!!--- just reading your comment is electrifying. You first sentence made me realize something HUGE. Gives me such clarity ♡

[@Alice-fr1ef]

Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and Team Healthy from California. The whole world watch you because you are a blessing to all of us and we appreciate it so much Dr. Carter. They do all of these terrible things and expect us to then act as though they did nothing. Thank you Dr. Carter.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Alice!

[@akai.christo]

Thank you Dr. C ♥️🙏🔥 Wish you and all here a beautiful day!! Cheers from Peru😉👍🎶

[@sturobertson6791]

Same to you Papu. Cheers from England 🙏☀️👍

[@akai.christo]

@@sturobertson6791 😉🙏

[@Cat-oj4oz]

This is hard... I've come to the conclusion that in order to go "no contact" with my n-mom, I'm going to have to give up on family living there with her (two brothers whom I adore); they are "trapped" there, and I feel badly for them, but I can no longer sacrifice my own sanity. What an awful mess this is...

[@marilynminer677]

On the other hand, your example might prove very helpful to them in the longer run. Just a thought. Best to you

[@Cat-oj4oz]

@@marilynminer677 Thank you for this positive twist... this gives me hope...

[@marilynminer677]

@@Cat-oj4oz 💛

[@tbunnyshy1]

Thank you Dr. C.! ❤️ This was excellent as always! At the 2:28 mark, oh my word is that a lot in a nutshell. 💯👏 They want confusion not clarity. 👏💯👏

[@kristenmarie9248]

💯🎯

[@tatjanak15]

Hi! Greetings from Croatia and thank you so much for very clear advice, encouragement and insight. My clarity and openess was met with quite the opposite. I used to be soooo confused, I apologized for trying to sort out the blur he sucked me in. At the beginning I was sure this person was finally, finally my best match. After less than a year of distance relationship, I started to feel like being next to dr Jeckyll and/or mr Hide. Suprisingly I managed to break ties 5 years later by myself, on my own intuition. I literally told him, I can see now this mess is YOUR problem, not mine, and this seems to deter him somehow. Also, I was apologizing so often without any clue why, not to forget the word salad I'd get after my feelings were denied and masacred. Trying to recover I stumbled upon your channel and a few similar. I cant thank you enough

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm so encouraged for you, and I'm pleased to be on your journey with you!!

[@windywalcha]

You can never apologise enough to a narc's satisfaction. They hurt themselves, it's your fault, you have to pay. They will meet your needs if it makes them feel important. When they're tired, or niggly, the smallest thing casts a pall over the home. And you can work your guts out, and always have to walk the thin invisible, always changing line... I'm walking the line...

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yep! It's scary.

[@LindaLouise625]

OMG .. I missed the Live > again Gotten pretty attached to the "team"

[@sturobertson6791]

Well said Alindartist. I find re listening 3 or 4 times, or at times when I'm in a different mindset, I hear (and hopefully learn) different things. All the best 🙏☀️

[@LindaLouise625]

@@sturobertson6791 Thanks Stu .. I'm gonna have another listen shortly .. Hope your day is good

[@aaronkwolfe]

Hope your birthday was a hoot. And filled with everything you enjoy most.

[@dylannaenzo9737]

Be nice to yourself. Leave yourself notes as to what time you need to logon to hear Dr. C and Team Healthy and set an alarm. There is prolly an alarm on your phone. Self love is the most important, because you cannot help others, if you need help. Take care of yourself, so you can be helpful to those you love, and can appreciate your love. You can feel the difference.

[@mariannethames962]

Outstanding video Dr. Carter. I'm still learning, but gosh darn it I still get caught with getting duped. My personality is so automatic to comply and be a peacekeeper and try to think of best of people, but then with the subject person its whoa I am being led into the same scenario. So hard to stop being me in the presence of the narcissist. A constant effort.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're going to get there!

[@vernasantos6923]

Hello Dr. C. I am from the Philippines. I am so grateful to have found your channel. You don;t know how much you're helping me get over my grief because my husband, who I suspect to be a narcissist (based on your descriptions of this type of personality disorder), has recently discarded me. Your talks help me to cope and understand my situation.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased to hear from you, Verna!!

[@elisabeth4342]

General question: What makes people think they can gaslight one's own personal experiences that had already happened??? It ALREADY happened! Do gaslighters think they go back in time and actually rewrite someone's objective factual personal EXPERIENCES? They assume the "target" will have a poor and defective long-term memory, be delusional or have no social skills?

[@vickyaldridge6778]

Love the question about thanking narcissists. I made it a point each day for 6 months to pay a sincere compliment or comment of appreciation. It was met every time with "I know". Never once did I get a compliment back. It stopped being mildly entertaining after a while, and plainly was never going to work.

[@Sillysongswithgigi]

I did the same thing. I noticed he never would compliment me back. I stopped caring and stopped complimenting him.

[@colleengarcia7752]

Or constantly looking for affirmation and bringing it up and talking in detail at me about it. We don’t ever have conversations. He talks, he talks over me talking, he only talks and thinks about himself. He is unaware of others and pushes in to reach things while I am cooking or something else. I have always been in his way, inconvenient when I need help, a burden when I am sick or had surgery… I want to cry over how terrible and worthless I have been made to feel in my life.

[@vickyaldridge6778]

@@colleengarcia7752 It won't get better. Trust me. 40 years of hoping and nothing changed. Get out and be safe.

[@Candyliz2003]

Hey, Doc! I really USE the tools I've learned from you and Dr. Ramani. I would like to hear more crossover with Adult Children of Alcoholics and dysfunctional families. There is SO MUCH that children deal with that recovery usually means learning how to handle the narcissist in their life who may be an addict, codependent, and/or an enabler.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Good suggestion. BTW, at the end of this session I mentioned that I have several interviews coming up...and Dr. Ramani is one of them, in about 4 weeks!

[@kathiejl1]

@@SurvivingNarcissism that will be fun! You are both saving so many of us from extended pain when either In It or Getting Out. I wish I could give you a list of all the things my soon to be ex husband has said and done for your study. One of the things that has been happening during this divorce process is every time I watch a video of yours He Literally does that Very Behavior the next day like a Textbook Narc!! Thanks for all you do! ❤

[@Byugytctrc]

Candy, if I may provide a friendly suggestion, consider checking out Jerry Wise Relationship Systems channel here on KZbin. He frequently discusses the topics of Adult Children of Alcoholics, Adult Children of Narcissists, and toxic/dysfunctional systems and the people and dynamics within them. I, too, learned a lot from Dr. Carter and Dr. Ramani, both excellent sources. What I like about the Jerry Wise channel is that he covers topics holistically, top-bottom and bottom-up, and advice and techniques to help you differentiate, protect, and heal yourself, as well as manage these situations and people as healthily as possible. Best of luck to you in your healing journey. 🙏🏼

[@teresacotton7923]

@@SurvivingNarcissism that is something to look forward to. You and she saved my sanity. ❤️ thanks Dr. Carter.

[@NeonCicada]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Could you also explain the relationship between cluster B personalities + addictions + attachment disorders/styles?

[@michellehill718]

"Forgiveness does not preclude boundaries!!!" Nope, it absolutely does not!

[@kellymackie4836]

I laughed at "bull 🌽 corn" haha! We said that growing up. Also "tape" definitely shows your era - and mine! Blessings!! Good questions! And answers!

[@adimeter]

Like 'being a hero is going to get you in trouble almost every single time'...learned this the hard way many times. Thank you Dr. Carter.

[@kupuva4kata]

Every time these videos post, they are so relevant. Especially, when you are in the honeymoon phase when he is nice again, takes care of you, and again you think, things are not that bad, and maybe if I were a bit better, I would never make him mad or annoy him.

[@snowbear1877]

My narcissistic sister has done nothing to get me back. Like my mother, she is happy to see the back of me. Everything has to be on their terms, or nothing. They see me as the wrongdoer and can't see that they themselves ever did anything wrong.

[@anniebrowning7354]

Hi Snowbear, it seams that part of yr family can't appreciate you for the good things you do. Hope you don't wear yrself out by trying to make them see. If they don't see, all you can do is leave them be and socialize with people who can appreciate you. I still hope we can be friends here? 💜

[@snowbear1877]

@@anniebrowning7354 Of course, Annie. Always lovely to hear from you.

[@anniebrowning7354]

@@snowbear1877 No. I don't have the feeling you care. You talk down at me. You're actually belittling me.

[@snowbear1877]

@@anniebrowning7354 I am sorry to hear that. I wish you well. God bless.

[@anniebrowning7354]

@@snowbear1877 Have I wished you anything else but well. Have I not been kind all the time. You was the one who said: "No, pls don't go! Stay! We can chat". So I stayed. It was when a couple of people here did wrong to me.

[@rochellehunt695]

Thank You So Much! This was very helpful!

[@vickioliver1098]

I think that was the first time I've heard Gus bark. Good watch dog🐕woof. Went and saw a video David Zahl and Low Anthropology. This is going be a fantastic show coming up, can't wait. Thanks for introducing us to more and more people who can help us in these situations, and in life in general.

[@msigg2656]

Omg! Saying thank you and how you never live it down... in trying to "mend" my never established relationship with my mother by showing gratitude I thanked her for sending us to catholic school. I then got the list of tuition, uniform costs, donating of time for communityservice, etc... and also found out accidentally that it was dad who wanted it... this was 8 years ago and to this day she brings it up to make sure I know what it cost her, a stay at home mom, to send us there.

[@loratraykova8343]

I have been listening to these videos for at least 6 months now and I have found them very helpful. Thank you, Dr. Carter! You have audience in Bulgaria as well!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad to be with you there in Bulgaria!

[@maxahissou7574]

That's very cool Lora👍 Dr. Carter introduced me to Narcissism as well. He's amazing!

[@loratraykova8343]

@@maxahissou7574 It's been an eye-opening experience. The more I learn , the better prepared I feel I am to face another narcissist that inevitably will come to my life. And also, it is helping me process my past and my ongoing experiences with such people.

[@heartroccs]

I love team healthy! You are a huge blessing to my life and those precious family and friends who benefit from my growth. I wholeheartedly thank you for being you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're so kind. Thank you.

[@julienatoli8561]

Hi Dr Carter .. and Gus 😘 thank you for another fantastic video. Yes Sir I think in a nutshell that if the narc can get you to feel bad ABOUT yourself, you're a whole lot easier to control!! I love when you remind us of Dignity, Respect and Civility 🙏🕊️✝️ ... & I will gladly add the word Value. Because only God assigns our value and only He defines us!! And THAT'S what we struggle with, our core values & how we actually define ourselves. Thank you so much for all your insight, love and support. God bless you Dr Carter 😍 .. & Gus!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much, Julie!

[@amber40494]

Thanks Dr. C. So good to see what was actually going on my marriage. I've been free from him for 18 years now. Lately I've had more realizations about certain horrible things he did and how I just denied his evil behavior at the time. I tell myself it was in the past and I can't fix it now or go find him and yell at him!

[@sunrise9283]

Watching from Northern California. Hi I am new here, both of my parents are Narcissists. My mom is a covert N. I finally have answers and finally know I'm not crazy. As I begin my healing I am feeling hope again. As I learn a new way to relate I'm watching both of them intensify their behaviors. I pray to leave this insanity, one step at a time. Thank you for all you do Dr. Carter.

[@colleengarcia7752]

I bawled like a baby the first time DR. Put a name to the things I experience. I realized it wasn’t me and I was not crazy and broken. It relieved me so much and Doc gave tools to resist and communicate better. I am still in the relationship and it has improved because I am not as reactive or destroyed easily any more. I said no for the first time and it floored him. I use that word frequently now. It has been interesting and I am seeing how I will probably have to leave eventually. I am working on that.

[@maisiepierce2350]

Thankyou again Doctor C listening to your sessions is the best pick me up we can,t change these type of people but understanding that they have a personality disorder and do not do life right we need to feel sad for them but little or no contact is the best for your mental health i chose no contact .

[@katherinelim5310]

Thank you Dr Carter for your videos and I have educated myself and understand the dynamics of a npd.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome

[@rwdchannel2901]

It's not about forgiveness with a narcissist. It's about self defense. If someone tries to punch you in the face you jump out of the way if you're smart. If a narcissist tries to abuse you then you get out of the way if you're smart.

[@kurtise.parson3201]

Dr C, I am currently no contact with a family member. For as long as I can remember she has had a strong need for control, very passive aggressive, respects no boundaries, has little to no empathy, reacts defensively to any questions or concerns, very entitled, very critical of others, uses silent treatment as her favorite form of gaslighting, uses “I am family” as her favorite form of emotional manipulation when she doesn’t get her demands met, and expects everyone to adhere to her over the top preferences. In the last few months my eyes have been opened to the reality she is a covert narcissist. When I have tried to talk with her she won’t even look at me while and only speaks when she goes on the attack, makes a snide comment, and engages DARVO. Here is the kicker, she is a behavioral therapist. How can this happen? And what options do I have? Are there not assessments in place to prevent someone who causes so much damage and chaos from being in this position? This is causing so much grief in our family and I just don’t see a positive way out, without me being the bad guy no matter what I do.

[@ZeeJayEssJay]

Kurtis, This is exactly what my situation is! Except I am in No Contact with my entire ex-family. Both parents have always been violent child abusers & DV between them regularly. I tolerated them b/c they were “family” (who planned & carried out an ambush weapon attack on me & my husband as retaliation for setting boundaries on them & keeping firm w/them!). My siblings grew into covert abusers and actual allies of abuser parents as well as codependents themselves. All one big abusive violent clan. I pressed charges after the attack & I finally got free. But my ex-sister is the MAIN covert abuser w/smear campaign of lies told to EVERYONE we know. To “explain” why I have nothing to do w/any of them. They’ve worn masks & duped people ALL THEIR LIVES. The craziest part? My ex-sister is a social worker who works with battered people & abuse victims! How is this possible??? Doesn’t the college do personality tests on their students before they accept them in a program like that? To protect victims? And doesn’t the state do testing of personality & checks with people who know the person up for a license in a field that works w/vulnerable victims to protect them from sociopaths/psychopaths like my ex-sister? What damage they must do to victims who think they are going to a “normal” therapist for HELP! When the therapist is a lifelong abuse enabler & an abuser themselves. Sick!!

[@kathiejl1]

That’s awful that she is employed in that field. 😢

[@NeonCicada]

Could it be emotional immaturity? (It's easy to mistake patterns of emotional immaturity for NPD) The confusion comes from the fact that while most emotionally immature people aren't narcissists...all narcissists are emotionally immature.

[@delicatedamsel8734]

Excellent as always Dr Carter. Thank you so much from SATX.

[@lindabell2940]

Im in Texas, outskirts of Houston city, linda bell, proudly here to listen, my Doctor is the best truthful person, and no lie, im big time nuts, im so sorry about some of this stuff, im a one person nut, and now all i know is how to he more nuts, its alive its linda bell, im making fun of the narcissist, my narcissist, i have drove my self crazy, for trying to be a truthful human

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@lindabell2940 The Narcissist is the real Nuts one. Hey the 'Nutty Narcissist' 👍🙂

[@marylourodriguez9227]

Just cannot understand why a person that knew he was dying was so cruel til the end, til 1 month before he died including calling my husband of 31 years! Why get into all this friendship to just then feel shame and not want their image touched since he was a business owner! Initiate and then go silent 8 months just to shift blame as I said even when they're dying! All we are are Empathetic, honest, and all good things. They are so fake!!!!!

[@proudmoon3]

I think a lot of people will apologize when they don't see what they did wrong because they were forced into insincere apologies by their parents or other authority figures growing up. They learned that an apology is a quick-fix way to get people off their backs, when it actually should be a way to create harmony based in truth through humility.

[@bonniehonchell9963]

😂😂😂😂 Country of California. Well said. Been through all the scenarios of apologizing, forgiveness. Have been a nice & giving person all my life. Never did I allow anyone to interfere in my work, or tell me how to dress, act, or talk. Not if they want to continue to be around me. Coming from "The hard knock school". I do have GAD. I believe it's genetic. Mine was so bad, I would pass out from my anxiety just coming in. YUP, sharing this with a Narcissist, I would be called mentally insane! Walk away. Walk away. I will forgive for myself, not the Narcissist! I don't do what others tell me to think, etc,etc. I go NO contact, period. Once I'm done, I'm done. There's so many people in the world, I will find someone who is decent. Someone I don't have to be afraid of. The Neurologist at my job noticed something in me & asked me to come to his office. He gave me a medication to try for my anxiety. I could never have imagined what a difference my life would become for the better! I'm not one who wants, or believes that talking to someone for the rest of my life is a good thing. I believe in good medicine when needed. A Narcissistic is someone who just takes & never gives! Stay away from these people. Children or not, you can make it. I did. Thank You DR. C & Gus.💯🙏🐘

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Just joshing!

[@bonniehonchell9963]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Don't worry, I feel the same way! 😂😂😂

[@bonniehonchell9963]

@@youtube.silenced.m B/C California is a country of it's own!😂

[@bonniehonchell9963]

@@youtube.silenced.m 🤗

[@alenamalecka4290]

Thank you for the help and clarity. All the best from Slovakia🙏funny how these narcissist are cross border,race,culture the same they should get their own country 🤔and leave us in peace...

[@kristenmarie9248]

They could call it Narcississippi!😂🤣😂

[@sturobertson6791]

When I started listening to these vids I was shocked that there were so many others like my (now ex) partner. I had thought for years that my ex was just "uniquely difficult". I heard Doc C and others saying exact phrases that my ex would say.. That was probably a key step in me realising it wasn't ME that was the crazy one. I felt relieved and grateful that this kind of support is available, but still shocked that they are indeed similar the world over. 🙏☀️

[@susanstardust4706]

@@kristenmarie9248 😂😂😂 brilliant!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad to be with you there in Slovakia!

[@marieldavison5121]

@@kristenmarie9248 🙂

[@izawaniek2568]

We are gonna get through this together!❤ Thank you for your extreme help and invaluable support dr Carter. God bless you ❤

[@denawatnes5490]

I have been married to my possible narcissistic husband for 35 years. We have spent much time apart from each other due to his military career. For the last 10 years we have been together almost every day and I am starting to see his true personality come out. He is a very stressful person to be around. Whenever anything doesn’t go the way he wants he complains of having anxiety and then lashes out at me. Criticism ,ridicule and meanness all come to the surface usually all at once. I think the only person who truly suffers from anxiety is me. I have begun to have panic attacks and believe that I am dying. Are these panic attacks or anxiety associated with his treatment of me when he feels “overwhelmed “ as he calls it or am I the one who has truly become overwhelmed ?

[@susansheldon2707]

Sounds like you're strongly empathic and, as a result, are taking into yourself a lot of the anxiety he's complaining about. Look into learning how to establish healthy boundaries so you'll develop the strength and ability to stand back emotionally, then tell him HE needs to figure out how to deal with his stress because you won't accept him dumping it on you any longer. It takes work - a LOT of work - but is absolutely necessary for your own emotional health to no longer accept what he's doing to you.

[@denawatnes5490]

Thank you for your kind and compassionate words as well as advice. Sounds like you’ve had similar experiences yourself.

[@susansheldon2707]

@@denawatnes5490 I have, indeed, sad to say. Forty-four years of marriage is a tough training ground for learning the ins and outs of narcissists' ways. But I have established boundaries from having learned to more quickly distinguish between what is and what isn't my responsibility to deal with. I refuse to allow my husband - whose uber religious parents were both narcissists, too, and modeled sick marital relationship practices to him and his siblings - to use me as his emotional nanny. Since he's an adult who makes sure to enjoy all the benefits of adulthood, I expect and REQUIRE him to shoulder the responsibilities of adult living as well. I refuse to let him treat me as his personal house servant. You've suffered long enough from what your husband dumps on you, so switch away from that to dealing with his narc tantrums as you withdraw your empathy for his self-pitying ways. Start telling him to act like an adult and deal with his stresses himself since there is nothing YOU can do to remedy HIS problems. Just don't be harsh in your own manner of communication. If you switch to responding to him that way, and stick to it, it will take him a good bit of time to adjust to your refusal to be his emotional doormat. However, in the end you will have taken back control of your own emotional health.

[@denawatnes5490]

Thank you Susan once again for your kind words of encouragement. I have spent a lot of this morning listening to Dr. C’s videos on empaths and narcissists. It’s starting to make sense now. Thank you for caring enough to share your own experiences with me and steering me in the right direction. Blessings to you and yours and hope your journey brings you many more.

[@susansheldon2707]

@@denawatnes5490 My pleasure! To be able to share what I've learned the hard way (haven't we all?...) gives me a sense of purpose - maybe it's the silver lining in having struggled through so much life as it was being sucked away in dealing with my husband. Keep going with Dr. Carter. The more you watch and hear and take in, the more you'll really get it that you're the sane one and worth so much more than you've been given by the man to whom you've already given so much. Blessings to you, too.

[@jamiegraham5841]

Dr. C👋 I just wanted to let you know that your expertise, wisdom and respect gave helped me so much. I have an in person therapist to guide me and along with your videos and your books (so far I've read "Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me) I see real changes happening in my life in regard to how I handle myself. Recognizing my anger and where it is coming from and how to process it has been HUGE for me and my children. I truly feel like I am breaking a cycle for my family thay will positively change the course of things for hopefully generations to come. Thank you so very much. 🙏 God bless you and all your loved ones.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much for these encouraging words, Jamie. BTW, my favorite book is The Anger Trap. You might find that useful as well. Just know...you are why I write and produce the videos!!

[@issacfishalot]

Just about everybody I know personally. Have What I call hypocritical narcissistic syndrome. It's hard to distance yourself from everybody in your life or you know? People's mental state is in sad situation

[@GoodGuy-wq4md]

The narc, one of several, that lives with me in our sober living community, told me one morning that my car alarm was going off. I paused, naturally wanting to say "thank you" but after a pause, said, "ok" and promptly checked out my car.

[@annettebaggett]

Oh my, the part where a tab was kept of dollar amounts. My husband felt I should do all the work at home, Inside and out. Hold a job, (which I did it all) , annnnnd, pay half the bills.

[@biljana1710]

Dr C, thank you 🧑‍🦼🧑‍🦽🏃‍♀️💃!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome!

[@michellehill718]

Indeed, Dr. C! I also believe that it is often better for many of us, healing from contact with the narcissist (s) past, present, and/or future, to forgive and remember, instead of forgive and forget. Especially in those relatively unique and extreme cases where the issues and collateral damage (so to speak) is ongoing, unthinkable, and beyond egregious! I absolutely appreciate and identify with the way you offer the analogy of the forgiving of a debt, for example, that we absolutely know the "debtor" could never ever repay, doesn't have the capacity, resources, or basic willingness to do so now or at any time in the near or far future! Nope, not possible! Lol 🙃Nevertheless, thank you very much Dr. C for another excellent video teaching today! 😊🤠🥳💯

[@beverlystover3987]

You just described most of my interactions with the person I was married to for twenty years. I was so confused as we tried to sort out our relationship dynamics. Like you said, once one has seen this, one cannot un-see it. I am so grateful I know about narcissistic abuse now, but I wish I did not have to know about this. People like you Darren have changed my life for the better. Thank you for your work !

[@charmee4045]

how common is it for people who have had a relationship with a narcissist to never get into another relationship again, this is certainly my case, its been 3 years and I have no desire to ever be with anyone again. I am 70. You are helping so many people. My sister just coming out of 18 years with a narcissist cannot even watch a video on the subject.

[@joannemorace224]

I was married to my narc for 34 years. It’s been 7 years since our divorce, he left for the Philippines to meet his new wife, I was left holding the bag of all our debt . I’m having a hard time letting down my walls to be “me” with my new husband. We dated a couple years before marrying…I though I was ready… but I can still feel me not trusting him fully. Will I ever let myself be me again?? Joanne in NC.. thank you!

[@menotyou6254]

No & yes 🙈🙊🙉🐒

[@alysiahite7086]

Hello Dr. Carter from Keokuk, Iowa. I use to live in Xenia, Ohio 7 months ago. I moved here in Iowa to be close to my grown daughter and grandkids. Not an ideal situation with her but at least I get to see my grandkids. Now 6 & 9 years old. My senior apt building is wonderful 😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad to be with you there in the metropolis of Keokuk!

[@michaelclark6763]

Today I asked God to heal me and he did. I talked to him and he listened. Yet I would not have gotten there without Dr Carter's advice. Listen to them for they are the healers.❤🎉

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased, Michael.

[@kirstinebjerregaard2969]

You are so fantastic and I learn so much every day I listen, Kirstine from Denmark

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for your kind words, Kirstine.

[@susan3037]

The problem for me regarding forgiveness is how it’s definition has been ingrained in my psyche for the whole of my life via family, religion, and common beliefs. Based on these things, it has been my choice not to forgive the narcissist who damaged me. Instead, I have chose to refrain from contact with this individual and cease allowing their actions to limit my life or cause me trauma. I am not able to forget what they did, but neither will there be space in my life or in my mind for them to ever hurt me again. I prefer to remain indifferent rather than forgiving. The term forgiveness is too fraught with acquiescence for me.

[@trinasandress]

I have been married to a narcissist for 23 years. As a result of his violent nature my son my recently diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder .He is now in a mental hospital. I told my therapist yesterday about how my mother in law and my husband were saying horrible things about me. I told my therapist that I was going call some divorce lawyers. My therapist suggest that I talk to him first. But I too afraid to talk to him. Should I talk to him about my concerns? I feel like I am done with marriage I just want to be healthy for my son. Thank for all that you do Dr. C Brightest Blessings Trina

[@marieldavison5121]

I can understand your hesitation to speak to someone with a "...violent nature" about plans to leave them ~ be ever so careful. This can get dangerous ~ do what's best for you and your son. I hope the two of you can move on and find peace without the abuser wreaking havoc. take care.

[@mathildevhargon9760]

My son was also diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder as an adult. His father was a horrible emotionally and somewhat physically abusive man. After I divorced him, I could not intervene when he abused my son in his home. These family patterns and your child also watching their mother being abused as well, is very devastating on them. I don't have anything to respond to your current question and situation, but I do really understand how you must be suffering as well as your son. It is a horrible thing to feel such concern and pain yet not know how to make it better. I do hope that some of your mental health professionals are able to be compassionate and wise as they work with you and your son. I am so sorry you are going through this. You do not deserve it and neither does your son.

[@trinasandress]

@@mathildevhargon9760 I truly appreciate your kind words. And it is good to meet others that been in a similar situation. Just your sharing about you and your son was very comforting. That is horrible what your husband is doing. Do truly believe what goes around comes around. Brightest Blessings to you and your son .

[@trinasandress]

@@marieldavison5121 thank you. I am quietly finding exit out of this horrific marriage. I appreciate your words and I am glad I found this community of very kind people

[@joysimmons446]

I pray you guys are safe and ok bless you and your son ❤️🙏

[@eugenemurray2940]

'I didn't have a clue what I was apologizing about'...😪

[@ivatennant4363]

Thank you so much Dr. Les. You are so very insightful and have such understanding. Thanks for all of your valuable approaches to the various questions. Interesting regarding the forgiveness. After I broke off the relationship of 2 years with the narcissist, i forgave him for all he had done but told him that forgiveness did not mean reconciiation. He had done a horrific smear campaign on facebook as well as contacting many of my friends and relatives and sent venemous anonymous hate mail. I just found out what he did at his sister's class reunion (curious that his siblings all go to each other's highschool reunions and there is a 16 year span of ages). Anyway, at the picnic, he stands up next to their table and in a very loud voice announces that the reason Iva Jean travels a lot is because she is running away from her past. Then he goes on to tell them all about the abuse I suffered as a child---etc etc etc. I had NEVER shared this with anyone except for him (I thought we were going to get married, etc) and my best friend. One of the attendees knows me very well and of course she did not know about the abuse, but told him that I was not running away but running towards something and that she was moving onto another group as she was not going to listen to him bash me. I am still in shock that he would do this to me and am having a hard time not feeling so violated and so so angry and I just want to tell him off.. I know anger will only hurt me in the long run and I have gone no contact and I will not break the no contact. I guess one consolation I have is that I discovered this side of him before we were married or joined together in any way financially or legally. This has been a very unsettling week. Thanks for your encouragement. I never would has suspected him to be so mean, cruel and evil.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's awful. I so hope you are about to move beyond this betrayal. I want you to know peace. Dr. C

[@ivatennant4363]

@@SurvivingNarcissism thanks! I’m working on moving forward in a healthy manner- difficult but necessary. Thanks again for all you do for all of us

[@jackthisout9480]

My narc dead is so good at ignoring my feelings, just dismissing them because he doesn't feel them himself. He doesn't allow me to have any feelings, because he said we have agreed to forgive each other. Not that he ever considered talking about the issue; he just decided the issues never happened.

[@fred.k9875]

This is the first time hearing Gus barking, I guess he is missing you Doc!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I think it was a squirrel.

[@marieldavison5121]

@@SurvivingNarcissism 🐕Gussy's thought bubble : Dam squirrels🐿 always crossing my boundaries!

[@fred.k9875]

@@marieldavison5121 that’s funny!

[@marieldavison5121]

@@fred.k9875 🙂

[@encee387]

I am incredibly grateful for you Dr. Carter. Grateful for, your channel, podcasts and all the time and detail you have spent educating us on narcissism. 13 months ago, i became aware after a disturbing eye opening experience with my covert narc husbandand his malignant narc mother. I listened to and watched anything i could get my hands on regarding narcissism. I am now preparing to venture upon the unknown after 16 years with Mr. Wrong. Wish me luck. 🏃🏾‍♀️‍➡️ i have to get out of this as i cant take it anymore. Peace to all ❤

[@lilylane4246]

Thank You for Your positive attitude. There are some KZbin creators that are painful to listen too. It's almost like they are narcissists somehow, themselves. If we are fortunate enough to have access to freedom, we must move on.

[@andreadonegan4780]

Hi from Ireland 🇮🇪

[@soniaprovard8259]

Thank you so much, Dr. Carter!! Your kindness & knowledge has been such a blessing to me in the last 5 years!! God Bless you!

[@steph49391]

I’ve married into a narcissistic family and because non of the other family members (aunts uncles, cousins) know me very well, my in-laws have gone and told them all these terrible lies and stories that aren’t true to try and control me and my husband. It’s not working because we cut off all contact, we had no other choice. It hurts, it’s lonely, and I’m tired of having my good name be smeared, all because I was accused of something I didn’t do. Of course they would go after me because they know and understand that no one really knows me. This has been going on for 5 years now.

[@roberthaden6009]

I approached my narcissist twin brother’s GP’s surgery, out of concern for his health & this evening I’ve received a phone call, directly from his GP, basically telling me off, to make no further contact. He didn’t need to ring me, because he had already sent a e mail, which I hadn’t seen. ( My twin had his phone taken out, many years ago, because of his obsession with saving money - but then gave my contact details to his GP surgery, without telling me. ) His GP made me feel like I’m the one in the wrong, when all I have done out of love & care, is to try & help him, because he is endangering himself. I’m going to give up now. I know narcissists can’t change, but his GP has made me feel like my twin is the victim.

[@rozdoyle8872]

Galway, Ireland. Thank you .

[@JJones-nr2pl]

My "mother" and her crime "family" caused me all sorts of problems including the loss of personal property, psychological, emotional and physical abuses, false arrest and imprisonment at the hand of a phony psychiatric system that works in conjunction with the "family" court. This is happening right NOW here in the USA! 👿👿👿👿👿

[@sw6454]

I’m from Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 love listening to your videos and I love Gus 😍

[@lillmariwang6568]

I so much looove this channel and listening to you!! 🎉 You are helping me so much ❤ Thank you! Thank you! 🤗🌹

[@WaterBug46]

I like the ledger and dollar forgiveness of debt analogy. The debt is forgiven but the dollar loss is still there in the books. Perfect for a soul injury that takes time to heal

[@I.M.SofaKingdom]

I'm so over all the crap he's done to me, and still does if I let my guard down. His anger, blaming me for doing the same thing he does. I'm 63 and I'm mentally exhausted. I want to talk about his latest jerk move that he pulled on me, him and his stupid flying monkey were double teaming me. He gets mad at me for bringing up the topic, why do I want to cause problems? I'm accused of bitching again. It's a roller coaster, nothing is ever resolved, here we go again. He refuses to leave, I want to call the cops but he says he has pictures of me smoking something. I said so what, I have pictures of him smoking something. Later, he acts hurt and says he can't believe I took pictures of him doing that. Hello! Didn't you do that to me? You made the threat. I knew what he would do, I only took his pic to protect myself. Glad I did, but it's exhausting to think like him, to be super vigilant against all things hurtful. I bought this house when I was single, I threw his buddy out and he lets him back in. I ask him to leave, get out, my narc refuses to leave. I'm about to leave my own home and just let him have the damn thing, and pay rent on something I can't afford, just to get him out of my life so I can have some peace and respect myself again.

[@lindabell2940]

I miss spelled he, its be instead, im still nuts, my go team healthy is the best folks, and yes the doctor helps a peaceful heart. Thats why i listen, and you folks need peace always, im already, it comes and goes, but this team is very very good thoughts for me

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Got it!!

[@lynne-du9ql]

It's Saturday evening in Paris... thank you for everything. Still growing, learning and I want to stay on team healthy. Lynne

[@georgew.5639]

Southeastern Pennsylvania.

[@joangick6803]

Hello Dr. C from Centreville, Virginia!

[@janetswain2354]

Narcs truly believe they are God's gift to women/men and always have to flirt with anyone even tho that person is non receptive. Maddening

[@amandaliverpool3374]

My ex stepfather used to dress up ie best shirt and aftershave, when the cancer nurses were coming in to see mum 🙄