DM Anxiety || D&D with Dael Kingsmill

This time on MonarchsFactory I want to talk about the stress new dungeon masters seem to be facing that none of us are really addressing all that much...
This video was edited by my friend and nemesis, Omar Najam, you can follow him on twitter: / omarnajam
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If you'd like to support my work and become part of the Patron Pantheon, you can check out my Patreon page here: / daelkingsmill
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Music is from www.bensound.com and also a bit from Omar

[@michaelr3472]

I've been a DM for 42 years through all the editions with small groups, large groups, veterans and those fresh to the table. I've DMed on Twitch Streams, online and face to face, I still have nights where I feel I shouldn't be behind the screen, that I'm just dumping garbage out onto the table. nights where I don't want to DM at all, etc... Through all of it the 'rule' I cling to in those moments, 'Everybody is here to have fun, so have fun'

[@budahbaba7856]

*@Michael R* that is the best advice any one can give another -or themselves. I will try to remember it too! :)

[@DelphineTheWorstBladeEver]

Thank you for this

[@joaosol7234]

"The players are there to play, not to judge you" is such a freeing statement, thank you!

[@OmnipotentSeal]

I would add "Players are also DMs." Just let them have some agency (as long as it doesn't result in rpghorrorstories) and let them go...

[@Glaswalker1001]

Well... This statement is very comforting, but ignores the base line of what humans do. We judge and compare experiences. It's kind of our thing.

[@Nr4747]

What if they're multi-tasking ?

[@CathrineMacNiel]

what if they are playing judges?

[@CreevyMorrigan]

0:17 "I'm making this too complicated, I'm gonna stop myself right there." How to solve DM anxiety, in a nutshell!

[@falsenames]

Rewatching this video. Scrolling through the comments. I go to like this comment, and see that I already did when the video first came out.

[@Adurnis]

My therapist puts it this way: “Just because it FEELS true doesn’t mean it IS true.”

[@StephireGG]

o7 Well said, CMDR

[@thepurpleshade486]

good therapist

[@Lectical]

classic CBT

[@rea4385]

mine says the same!

[@Sunshine11229]

Just because the room FEELS empty, doesn't mean it IS empty! DM LET ME INVESTIGATE AGAIN!!!!

[@scienceguy8888]

The only advice I'll give is this: don't aim for perfect (be it the perfect game, running the rules perfectly, ect), just aim to run a fun game; as long as everyone has fun no one will complain.

[@MonarchsFactory]

The Samuel Roberts wisdom strikes again!

[@newagecosmonaut8563]

Exactly, fun trumps everything. We've had far more fun with a more "rules lite" fluid narrative experience than the crunchy mechanical extreme.

[@CleverPsuedonym1]

MonarchsFactory this post has the familiar ozone smell of the bolts of Keranos, eh?

[@StenBjorn]

I was going to say, outside specifics(If you decide someone should have a note in their pocket, but don't have it ready... it's in code! They'll have to find the cypher or an expert or do some research themselves before they make their roll to decode it... whatever you can do to kick the ball forward to the next session and give yourself some time), the biggest thing you can do is ask your players if they're having fun! If they're having fun... you're doing fine. I've been DMing for 20+ years and still have sessions where I felt like crap after, like I mismanaged it... but my players had a great time and leave excited for the next week.

[@CleverPsuedonym1]

Pete Webster ooh I love this code idea.

[@newagecosmonaut8563]

DM me then: "Oh, no! My players killed the NPC. I'm screwed!" DM me now: "Haha, NPC go brrr. They're screwed"

[@dicorockhimself]

Yeah that skill is the best skill

[@heidihurlock06]

ha go brr

[@timothyperrigoue3997]

If Players Kill an previously Vital NPC allow the dying NPC to gasp out with their last breath ...a minor curse which affects the Party negatively for...however long. OR a snippet of what the NPC might have known that WOULD have helped the PCs.

[@newagecosmonaut8563]

@@JackMcCarthyWriter Exactly, just by innocuously planting a few hooks keeps things flowing. Party breezes through your Cultist lair by just burning the whole place down? Spectacular! ... Uh oh; looks like that ominous witchskin hat they acquired two sessions ago, now exposed to the newly dispersed dark energy, has begun pulsating...

[@Sonics1DiscordKitten]

This is me after they killed 4, sacrificed 2, and almost killed another

[@ivarkrabol]

Something that helped me a lot was doing a quick, casual debrief at the end of each session, where we talked about what worked and what didn't. It helped me realize that I was being too harsh on myself -- Most of the time, the players had had a much better time than I had realized (being too involved with everything going on in my DM brain), and whenever I mentioned the parts that had gone poorly from my perspective, my players usually hadn't even noticed.

[@MrApocryphon]

I do this as well it really helps gain perspective on your players, which is all that is really important are they having fun. I would be cautious about giving too much away from the DM perspective. This can make the players feel like they screwed up by not doing something right, or missing key information. I try to focus on what they are saying and share what I loved about the game. Anything that I realized I missed or forgotten I save for the next session and try to figure a way to sneak it in rather than retconning.

[@spinafire]

Having a retrospective per session is great if your PCs have time for it. Definitely helped guide most of my quest writing.

[@Miscast]

This speaks to me. The two things that have helped me recently are taking more 5min breaks during a session like to breathe, work out where things are going, fix what isn't working and read the room. It fills me with way more confidence if I have little breaks to ask myself "whats working? what isn't?" rather than that end of session dread of "I wish I hadn't done ___, because that sucked and I have to live with being a rubbish DM until NEXT WEEK!!". The other thing that's really helped with the start of sessions to get out the jitters out is to do a 5minute world-building sesh with the players where I ask them questions about the world we're in and we mark things on a map together. It makes me feel way more comfortable when the group starts on an equal creative level because it takes to pressure off.

[@Madhattersinjeans]

yep, long 5 hour sessions will fatigue anyone doing any activity it's important to take breaks. I suspect players also appreciate moments when they can just breathe for a bit and have time to really process what's going on. I feel like dnd is a bit like watching a film. While you're watching the film it's hard to really appreciate what is good and bad. it's only when the film has ended can you really come to terms with all the things going on. Giving players more room to breathe will help reduce the amount of time players start going off-topic and just talking about unrelated events. And allowing them time to process what's going on can help them identify things they are doing that could be better as well.

[@tsambkos]

Last session we had a break and I went to make myself a cup of tea and when I came back three of my players were roleplaying with eachother and it made me so happy and helped me so much.

[@octo5042]

Haha, now that I recall, my players would do that every break!

[@MackDnD]

An old boss of mine always talked about being "Unconsciously incompetent and transferring to "Consciously incompetent." I think that's what holds a lot of DMs back. It is a learning process. But transitioning from not knowing what you can improve, to knowing what you can improve is a huge step. The next step up is becoming "Unconsciously competent, when you do not realize that you are actually doing so well! It's important to realize that there will always be room for improvement, but be satisfied in knowing that you CAN run the game as a DM, and your players are having fun.

[@ScyLancer]

Dael went Eeeee and my 4 yearold went Eeeeee.

[@MonarchsFactory]

Eeeeeee to your 4 year old ( we're having a great discussion)

[@mistersolace265]

I’ve been DMing for 18 years now and I really enjoyed this video. Every group and DM is different, it’s important to find ‘your’ style and not copy what you see other DMs do. You won’t DM like them and they won’t DM like you. Find your strength and lean in hard. You can work on your weaknesses as you go. It’s a marathon, not a sprint!

[@denisnadeau865]

I'v been dming for 36 years and I totaly agree with you !

[@leorblumenthal5239]

As one of the"old guard" who's been running games for thirty years, I still have DM anxiety. Due to the pandemic my group migrated to a Virtual Tabletop. In my last session the VTT experienced tremendous lag on my end due to problems with my computer. In this session one of the players was relatively new to our group, and I was picking up the campaign after months of not playing it. Due to those three reasons, I felt a great deal of anxiety during and after the session. This video went a long way to making me feel much better. So thank you for making it!

[@apocalypticmoth6040]

Hey! I recognize that comment! This video was so great to see. Your comment response helped me out so much. I’m glad that now other people can get some comfort from this video! I know that I’m going to reference this again. Keep up the great work!

[@MonarchsFactory]

Thanks for leaving the comment that started it! If it weren't for that, I don't think I would have realised that these changes I've been making are actually kinda working

[@JetMasta173]

Pro tip, seating plans. My players have social problems sitting next to certain other players. So I tend to put quiet bastards up front close to me and put the loud bastards out back, far from me. I also look at character dynamics and try to put them close to other characters they can bounce off. Bonus round, if you have a role play heavy session, sit the role-players close together, if its a combat heavy session, sit the combat players closer together. It helps everyone have a voice and promote maximum playing. :)

[@RPanda3S]

"My players have social problems sitting next to certain other players." Between this and choosing where the players will sit I hope your players are literally children, this sounds like a nightmare.

[@justinmiller190]

For the "answering questions on the fly" part, this is actually a big part of being comfortable learning a new language. You can't plan for every question, but you CAN plan natural ways to stall. As a DM, you can try to think of ways to kill time without resorting to silence. For example if they are searching a body, describe the body itself or the clothes or whatever detail you can throw out there without actually thinking much to buy yourself some time. "You search the body, rifling through various pockets (pause) you're trying to focus all of your attention to the tips of your fingers (pause) you notice that the clothing is torn and burned by your attacks (pause) as bits of cloth flake off in your fingers you brush against something a little more solid (pause) you find (describe the object)"

[@felixbornholdt9371]

I am DMing since forever and I can relate too. There is one thing, I would offer two very similar experiments of mine. Ingame, in character, it could become easily tense on the table, and it becomes more difficult to see or show appreciation for one another, not only for the DM, but for the players too. So I created a little mechanic, to force us to talk about our game and what we liked about the others. After each session I gave out the XP, but I gave every player an amount, that they had to give to some other player in addition, they had to tell why. That was awkward at first, but they really started to think about the others and tell and show appreciation and over time players started to focus and engage in play particular designed to be appreciated by the others. And as a byproduct they also told me what they liked about my DMing. This boosted everyone's confidence including mine allot. In one other game I got a little further. When it was time for raising stats (that wasn't DnD with levels), I said "you are legends, and a legend is not what you think you are, but what others believe you are" so I let every player pitch a set of raisings to everyone else, and they had to chose from those pitchings. So the players also were more invested in one another and also the players really wanted to show, who their characters wanted to be, to get those pitches they hoped for. Now I play DnD without both mechanics (without XP too) and I really miss those parts of each session where everyone tells the others how great they were.

[@gelbadayah.sneach579]

I love this! This makes me want to have the players award inspiration points to each other at the end of each session. (I've been considering revising them to be more fun than mere advantage.) It would be like a post-game little awards ceremony.

[@Raphir]

Here's one advice that I think can be useful and haven't seen in the comments yet: TRY DIFFERENT SYSTEMS! Specially ones that differ substantially from D&D! D&D is absolutely great and all, but it definitely puts a lot of emphasis on a particular style of play that can be very overwhelming. Other systems will make totally different demands from you and your players, and experimenting with those can put a lot of new tools in your belt. Even if you eventually go back to D&D, you'll likely go back with a new appreciation for new possibilities on your game.

[@MonarchsFactory]

Truuuuue

[@gelbadayah.sneach579]

Amen! My first group took a break from D&D to play Cyberpunk 2020, and then another to play World of Darkness. Both totally changed how we play the game.

[@ZombieInvader]

Any tips on how to get your group on board with trying a new system?

[@MonarchsFactory]

@@ZombieInvader (My not always popular suggestion is to use your birthday and a little dose of guilt: "For my birthday can we please try this new game I really want to play?" Then hook em once they're having fun. That's exactly how I got my friends to play DnD)

[@Raphir]

@@ZombieInvader First, yes to what Dael said! But also some other ideas: If the system you've picked has cool artwork, that is generally a very big draw for people, so showing some of that off might work! Finding systems that work on very different genre or setting might also be good for scratching a different itch of the group, assuming it's not too niche. Finally, if you're feeling burnt out on the system you're currently running (assuming you're the GM), being honest about that and saying you want to run a short campaign to get your creative juices flowing again is always fair, in every sense of the word! By the way, saying you want just a one-shot or short campaign is a good tactic overall, it tends to make people feel like it won't be a big investment that will compete with the "main" game... Good news is, the more you try other stuff, the more likely it is your group will want to do it again! Good luck!

[@hershmergersh6733]

I've learned never to plan for PC actions. My life has been made so much easier by just writing down what the world is doing in reaction to what they did last and what the villains are doing as a result. So long as I know what's going on in the world I can make it react to the player actions, rather than hoping the players react to the world in the way I want.

[@jakeand9020]

If you plan for the players to do something, they will do something *completely different.* It's kind of a Murphy's law thing.

[@alexandramaclachlan7597]

Rule of threes works for me! 1. Diplomacy (they talk to the NPC), 2. Combat (they attack the NPC), and 3. Wildcard (any other possible creative response, b/c a throwaway flavour line got read into and now I'm dealing with a Mission Impossible Montage, b/c they're convinced this is the BBEG and are trying to infiltrate their home).

[@RWvdBlaak]

I don't know if this is reassuring or not, but I've been DMing for 15 years and I still have some of these anxieties! Especially when running for new people or starting a new campaign. And about half of the regular sessions I run, I feel like I screwed up something important. One of the most helpful things to remember is that it's okay to make mistakes or take your time, we're only human. Similar to what Dael said about saying "I don't know" it's okay to say "Mind if we end the session a little earlier this week? The next section isn't quite done yet." I did that this week and everyone was fine with it. Improv can be scary, but remember it's okay to retcon or correct yourself later or in the moment. Slip ups happen, no shame in correcting them after the fact (and sometimes the spur of the moment things end up being your favorite choices). I mentioned one session that breakfast was served with fish, but realized between sessions didn't fit with that culture, so the session after I just mentioned to the players to forget I mentioned the fish. There was never any fish. The fish was a lie! When starting out with voices, being afraid you'll sound silly is normal. I can't take that fear away, but I can tell you what to do in the unlikely event that you do sound silly: Keep going! That's the character's voice now, so what? Plenty of people in real life have strange sounding voices and that doesn't make them any less human. You'll get to where you want to be with a voice with practice. (And secret tip: If your players chuckle at the voice of a friendly NPC, let them respond sadly with "Yeah, I get that a lot." I guarentee you, you'll get an "Aww!" from the players and they will now protect them with their lives. And finally a trick you might be able to use, Dael: I've had accents slip away from me too, especially when reading long stretches of dialogue when I stream. What helps me is having a line of dialogue for that character that exemplifies them. Then I just have to mumble that to myself and my brain instantly locks into that voice from there. I'm not sure if this is specific to my brain only, but maybe it helps. (My favorite is the one for Sean Connery's voice "Miss Moneypenny, could you get me a bucket of yoghurt please? Strawberry Vanilla flavored." Don't ask.

[@MonarchsFactory]

First of all, great advice. Second, incredible line of dialogue. Third, I totally do something like that with accents in every day life, but most often I say a sentence starting with the word "alright"

[@garkr]

I have a line for each major NPC. On top of that, I take a physical stance. The way you sit affects the timbre of your voice. Placing your chin on your chest deepens it; raising your chin to the sky increases the pitch. Pursed lips helps with a posh, British accent. Square jaws monotone and deepness as well, etc. Find stances for your major NPCs, put that on the note card, and you won't go wrong.

[@medude420024]

I've only been running games for like 2 years and I kept thinking "oh, I'll stop being anxious eventually" *Reads a comment for a 15 year DM who still has these anxieties* Me: "Oh... Oh good..."

[@RWvdBlaak]

@@MonarchsFactory Can't take credit for that line, it's from an old web series called Apocalypse Lane. When I heard that said in a Connery accent, it all suddenly clicked for me. Have been able to do the accent ever since.

[@RWvdBlaak]

@@medude420024 You get better at dealing with them as you gain experience. I know these days that even if I feel anxious about something I've done a hundred times, I can just tell myself that and push past it pretty well. And what I worry about has also changed. I don't worry as much about coming up with voices, but more about cohesive character arcs or interesting combat encounters (I swear, I'll crack that problem for me at some point!)

[@celobpm]

Me and my friends have migrated from presential to remote play since Covid, and I felt the lack of seeing my players faces and their reactions in person made this anxiety 1000 times worse for me, specially since I feel I'm much less free to improv combats in the remote platforms. I do feel that aiming for a fun game, and focusing on preparing a few key fun moments helps me a lot in this regard, and being willing to improvise the rest. Great video Dael, huge fan of the channel!

[@DMRaptorJesus]

The best practice for a GM to adopt is the way of the lazy GM. Basically when a player asks you a question, ask them a question in turn. "What's the innkeepers name" just ask "well phil, what is his name." This is two fold, it gets some heat off you as a GM and it gives the players agency in designing the world.

[@newagecosmonaut8563]

Loved this advice, Matt Colville mentioned it once. I often let the player "recognize" someone and "recall" how they know each other. Enchances the collaborative storytelling, further builds PC backgrounds, and increases player agency/engagement all in one blow.

[@pedroscoponi4905]

Yes, yes, yes! Letting players have a hand in worldbuilding bits, specially the parts of it they like best, is a great idea for everyone involved!

[@DMRaptorJesus]

​@Tyler Durden NPC names are usually my number one issue lol!

[@Apollo9898LP]

"You gotta find what works for you, rather than just doing what you think you should be doing." That's honestly good advice for just life in general really

[@ericksemones9681]

I empathize with this so much. I've been running games for 3 or 4 years, and I still feel lo like I haven't settled into a style that I'm happy with. I have found that I feel better with my games when I have a solid overall direction to the campaign helps me focus on the Iindividual sessoons.

[@darienb1127]

That's pretty interesting. I've only been DMing recently (a couple of months, but a lot of player experience) and i love just going by the seat of my pants. I only write down what i know i absolutely have to. besides that, i love seeing how far my improv can go

[@tristanmagnus1964]

Best tip I heard “You aren’t Matt Mercer.”

[@dyslegein]

This tip doesn't help matt mercer

[@darienb1127]

@@dyslegein doesn't need to

[@cryofpaine]

@@darienb1127 Actually he's talked about how he struggles with imposter syndrome (which is basically what this is).

[@darienb1127]

@@cryofpaine huh. I didn't know that! Thanks for telling me. I do feel that Imposter Syndrome is a different issue that needs a more in depth treatment though. It makes sense that he would have it. A lot of famous people do.

[@tristanmagnus1964]

Darien B Part of it is that Matt is the first DM people experienced. They watch CritRoll and expect every game to be that way. It’s not an unreasonable expectation-if you have a taste of peanut butter you expect all peanut butter to taste reasonably the same. But Matt IS above and beyond what most DMs can and have time to do so expectation is heaped on them while Matt is lifted higher and higher on a pedestal he didn’t ask or expect to be placed on. It’s nasty business all around where no one is a criminal while a crime is being committed LOL

[@matthewconstantine5015]

I started GMing in the late 80s and after a decade break, I've been getting back into it over the last year or so. This type of anxiety has hit me harder these days than it ever did when I was starting out. This video hits close to home. Thanks for some good advice.

[@pedroscoponi4905]

This entire video, yes, absolutely! Especially the point about giving yourself time, and patience. Also: if you have difficulty with improv in first person - I know I do -, take conversations to the 3rd person! _Describe_ what the character says and the tone they say it in. It's not the perfect way to roleplay, but I'm not the perfect DM yet, I need my training wheels goddamit!

[@Madhattersinjeans]

Describing events from 3rd person can also help the players learn more about the universe in general. 1st person can be very restrictive in terms of just telling the players "yo you missed something". But it's great for giving more in-depth character to certain npcs and events. Then if the players are interacting with a character enough times that they start to picture a certain personality you can then dive into 1st person with that character and develop them a bit more. No point voicing every tom and harry the group come across. It can also help pinpoint key NPC's the players should pay attention to and offer a bit of variety in how the story is told. I think a lot of lessons in writing regular stories and novels can transition to certain aspects of storytelling in DnD. 1st person is hard yo, even for pros it can be very limiting if you're not very experienced.

[@itaykerensm1629]

I get that "they just want to hang out, they don't realy care about playing" feeling all the time!

[@angusmuir6180]

It feels so incredibly validating to hear this articulated. "If you have these anxieties it's not a secret sign that you're a bad DM." Say it louder so my subconscious can hear, you wonderful Australian you!

[@greenhawk3796]

"I'm bad at life, but good in a vacuum" - i forget who said it. I think its lyrics from a Matt Good song. DMing in D&D is my vaccuum. For me the quote means that in a closed & controlled environment, I do well. Running homebrew being the environment. It's modules that i am terrible at. I think most people just need to try things until they find what works, & consider "no news is good news" since if people dont like something, they wont keep showing up to it. Generally.

[@BobWorldBuilder]

I love the theme songs idea! I do this in one of my games because a few players just them to me, and they’ve worked very well for indicating who is the focus of a particular scene. Great for helping me make sure everyone has their time in the spotlight!

[@matthewfall207]

I recently took a course on presentation skills, and one of the lessons was about what to do with difficult questions, and the advice was exactly the same as yours! Do not be afraid to admit that you do not know, but then let them know you'll get back to them later.

[@ed-chivers]

I've been DMing / GMing on and off for years, but I can relate to so much of this. Sometimes I feel like the clumsiest DM ever, I forget stuff, or don't know how to react when players do something crazy (because they _will_)... The one piece of advice I can give, that helps me is - know your world. Know who your NPCs are and what makes them tick. What motivates them, what do they believe, what will they tolerate and where will they draw the line. Know the cultures in your world. You don't need crazy amounts of detail, just enough to be able to paint a good picture for your players and to be able to figure out how people in your world will react when your game goes in an unexpected direction. A set of bullet points feels like about the right level of detail. One thing I have to watch out for is to not use the same old tropes over and over. Often I'll find myself coming back to the same old plots and sub-plots, and it's because they're comfy. But it's good to shake things up once in a while :)

[@MrIrrationalSmith]

I've been wanting to DM for a while now, and now that one of my campaigns fizzled out, I have little reason not to. Except for this sort of anxiety and the pressure to be perfect, research paralysis, etc. Perfectly timed video for me.

[@conniebarnett5089]

"you can write out notes in long form instead of point form notes when you need to" was the DM advice I needed to hear the most ngl. I have watched so many DM advice videos and they always say "don't overprep". Despite not having the best improv skills I assumed only bad DMs write out long notes and good DMs improv off of point form notes. Thank you so much for this video, it has really helped me.

[@fotipitrakkos1193]

Great and important vid, Dael. You didn't just offer some great ideas, but also showing us your process for improving these things is an invaluable thing to see. Honestly, I don't think that sh%tty feeling ever really disappears if you care about your craft. It's a proper curse. I've been DM'ing for bout 18 years on and off, and I'm still shaking my head at things I've done in a session. Not a second later than finishing one, I'm thinking something like, "damn, I handled that tracking sequence through the forest like a bloody tax return! That was horrible!" DM'ing is a very difficult thing to do; but it is so rewarding, and worth the effort. And that feeling is a sign that you not only care about your craft, but that you care about the players at your table, and that they have fun. It is a noble pursuit, and one should be proud simply for giving it a go, let alone sticking to it. So remember, You ARE going to mess up time and time again, no matter how much you try not to. So learn to enjoy the journey of DM'ing, even as you run headlong into gelatinous cube after gelatinous cube. Cos we Dm's have ta has fun at the table too, and fun is infectious.

[@samaysoni4015]

"Guess who forgot about the post-it notes." I have never related to something so hard omg.

[@ethanbest9110]

My most recent burst of anxiety started when I graduated from college and rejoined a secondary group I was in on Roll20. Let me tell you it's not fun to try to adapt to a completely new environment and a mostly new group at the same time. This time has been really bad about perceived player disengagement. My tip for this is run horror or comedy. Don't run for the sake of narrative for a while, focus on session to session stuff, maybe just run interconnected one-shots. Make your game about the experience of play. What I look for is the "Oh God" moment in my horror games, it happens almost every time at least once and I know I hit my mark when one of my players says it. Comedy is just looking to make people laugh, of course. It's a great exercise for learning to hit beats and look for reactions, and it really builds up your trust in the group.

[@StWhitcomb]

Great resource video ill be revisiting from time to time... and that's coming from a 25 year veteran DM/GM. The games/rules, DM styles, play styles and what I put in and want out of the game have all changed wildly over the years. Feeling/knowing when change with the flow or push back, or go outside the box makes a fun game for everyone.

[@jprakath5889]

So good to hear about other folks' DM anxities. Mostly my anxiety came from combat encounters dragging on for too long and becoming boring. Sometimes it still happens, but I'm getting better at it. The second anxiety is accidentally designing a TPK. A homebrewn tough enemy that turns out to be too much in a situation with no escape routes? Yikes. That forgetting important details happened to me aaaalll the time when I started the campaign . Even major important plot elements! Even if I had notes prepared. Even if those notes had big arrows pointing to REMEMBER SHOE TREES. I constantly forgot important things. But after I got more comfortable with DMing, I relaxed and got better at remembering stuff. I think that happened when the strangers I found online turned into friends. I could dedicate all of my brain power into running the game, and not stressing the f--- out about having to talk to people. Nowadays I lean heavily into improvising. If the players only knew what kind of major events in the campaign were actually improvised because I forgot to prep for it... I feel like I'm pretty good at it most of the time. And it's fun for me, putting every synaps of my brain into work designing something major before the players are done talking. It's like jumping out of an airplane and putting on the parachute while plummeting to the earth. Those are the times when every stress in my real life fade away, for those glorious minutes.

[@DragonsinGenesisPodcast]

I started playing the old red box Basic D&D set in 1988. Switched to AD&D first edition a couple years later and then 2E shortly thereafter. Probably ran my first game around 1992 or so. Been a DM ever since (rarely played the game as a PC). I still get DM anxiety. Just remember that your players are showing up at your table to play the game you’re running. They appreciate your games.

[@whoismyult]

Love your videos...this was your best video. 7+ years of DMing. I am a script-person, wanting/needing notes and such, not only to be thorough/consistent with the narrative, but also feel prepared. Those notes cater to the style of play of the players (knowing the kinds of question they might ask, what details are important to them, what provides agency, what the RP might be like, etc.). I would like to take some improv. I know it won't be the panacea, but rather it'll make myself a bit more balanced in how I can react/adjust to the players. "Being cool with not knowing" was also a great nugget. Thanks!

[@loadnlock357]

Been our all time Dm now for 10 years. My biggest tip is not to take criticism too seriously. Work on what you can improve and roll with it. You will never be the next Matt Mercer but you can always use his skills as a way to improve your own. One thing that I believe made me a better Dm was learning to read your players. If you can physically see that they aren't having fun then make a change. D&D is a game after all and it should be fun. Your job as a DM is to make sure your players AND you are having fun. If that's not happening a change needs to be made. If you need to change a rule to make things more fun then do it!

[@Coldshrike]

The closest I can think to explain it is when you're cooking your 's favourite recipe, and even if everybody likes it you've got such a firm idea of how this was supposed to go and it always felt so fundamental that you feel like you're screwing it up. Since we moved to online, I've taken to running combat in Roll20 even if they're not in it so I can keep track of everything, and writing a whole bunch of important info IN BIG LETTERS on the whiteboard next time me. There's still stuff I forget but it's better than it just being in my notes.

[@_tarrvis758]

This video just gets to the core of me. I just thought I was always underprepared, that there would be some bit of a information that I wouldn't know and I would flounder. I've literally said "I'm so bad at this; I'm wasting everyone's time" in my head. Wonderful video. Thank you. Gives me a lot of perspective.

[@tubebobwil]

OMG the idea of keeping the map behind the screen and only occasionally sharing it is brilliant

[@psibernight2177]

As an "old guard" DM the best advice you gave is constant revisions and asking players what they liked and didn't. Bad sessions still happen and that process of "how can I make this better?" is eternal. But I like that about this hobby. Remember your players WANT to have fun!

[@bombestbomb149]

I love that "theme song" for the players idea at the start of a session. Even with online play it could be handy because we usually do the whole "How are you guys doing? how was your week" type of chatter for a bit. That would put a time limit on it.

[@FlyingAxblade_D20]

nice thing about battle map behind the dm screen is when you catch a player trying to take a peek, you know that one prefers that style, and perhaps might even make a good team captain for battle situations, maybe not so much for team captain for intelligent business nor even team captain for charisma social etc. adore the theme song !!! my characters playlist: all hammered dulcimer covers of classic metal, fumbling youth covers of classical orchestra, metal grind covers of OLD Disney songs, like Bear Necessities, Night on Bald Moiuntain, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Tom & Jerry...

[@AngiBlehi]

Solidly great video! I always look forward to your videos. "Settling into your style" - what a great way to look at it! You covered all the bases for me - prep, improv, answers I don't know, everything - just brilliant. Thank you so much.

[@LucifersBeard332]

I ran my first session on Sunless Citadel a couple of months ago and I remember walking the characters out of Oakhurst and when they approached the ravine, I immediately thought 'this isn't going to go well and I don't know how to approach this'. I took a breath, had some water and remembered I was playing with my friends and family. As soon as I took the lead and started describing locations and had the first combat encounter (which I let them absolutely crush the enemy) everyone was smiles and I was having the greatest time.

[@Promatim]

I've been DMing since 2009, and I still feel this way so often. Thank you for making this.

[@archaeopteryxish]

I've been DMing for about 6 years and during the pandemic started doing so professionally. I can totally relate to a lot of these feelings and found that a lot of my anxiety was relieved when I have myself permission to pause the game and figure something out. My clients are all groups of friends and no one has ever complained when I've been like, "this was very unexpected! Gimme five mins." The players have a chance to chat about random shit, or even better, discuss their plans and where they think things are going. Another thing I've found super helpful in not ending up with the feeling of "ugh was I just boring tonight" is to remind myself all the time that the game is about singular moments of drama and intrigue. I'm a big planner and love my set pieces. That said, finding little micro moments to describe something mysterious and evoke a feeling of what's happening in the moment pretty much constantly helps me make memorable moments that mean less of that "was today any good?" feeling.

[@archaeopteryxish]

Also Dael, you're the best. Thank you so much for this content.

[@mathsalot8099]

"You gotta find what works for you rather than just doing what you think you should be doing." A million times, yes!

[@Boundsey_m8]

You have no idea how much I needed this video today. I ran a session where I had that same feeling you were describing. I felt my players were disengaged at some points and I wasnt thinking on the fly as quickly as i wouldve liked. It took a close friend of mine (and my first ever DM) who was sitting in to just watch the session to tell me he thought i didn't great job. But i still get that dysmorphic feeling of not being good enough.

[@Dave-ct1jk]

One big thing i would like to pass along to help manage this feeling: talk to your players post game. "What did you like/dislike. What would you like more of?" And a big one is secretly ask where they think they're going in game. It will help show if they are engaged or not, and also help you plan for what interests them. If your players are engaged and happy it is a MASSIVE help to getting rid of the "I'm a bad DM feeling". Cheers guys

[@abelsampaio389]

I like to make little box texts for the very beginning of the session, and for speeches or descriptions that I consider important. Also the bit about just being honest when you don't have something prepared is great. It is important because you can validate your player's question, as oposed to just saying no or "whatever".

[@Hollowbarista]

As a fellow theater kid. We are not immune to Anxiety. I feel you.

[@josephgarcia9076]

OMG you totally lift my mood every time I listen to you I can literally listen to you talk for hours and hours. Thank you!!

[@chancy667]

I've started running my friends through Curse of strahd, I'm a very new DM (ran mines of phandelver for my sisters) And I get incredibly anxious beforehand. Luckily my best friend has been dming for an adventures league for years and he's been so supportive and such a massive help. And he knows every rulebook back to front so whenever I have a question he has every answer. I found talking to him and checking in with my players after each session has really helped me make sure everyone is having fun!

[@hannasophia18]

I've been dm'ing for about 2 years and actually ran a desire today where beforehand I was so stressed and felt like it would stuck and everyone would hate it. It was actually a lot of fun and my players liked it. I've noticed that prepping on paper and writing stuff out by hand and being able to organize the loose pages as we move from one thing to another really helps me to be more flexible.

[@gelbadayah.sneach579]

This is some fabulous advice! I took a few notes on this video and will definitely be implementing some of these tips! (Especially the one about having some brief descriptive notes to read when the well of narration runs a little dry.) You're probably right about having food on a side table. The instinct to chat over a meal seems like a pretty universal human instinct. I've been playing since 1e and DM'ing since 2e, which clocks me in at about 3 decades of DM experience. (Ouch!) Even with theatre classes, writing classes, extensive study of history, extensive consumption of fiction, and a [somewhat embarrassing] love of math I still often find myself getting anxiety. No big deal, though; anxiety just means you're human. As long as your players are having fun it doesn't matter if you're not perfect. After all these years playing, I still have fun when playing with newbie DMs. It brings back that nostalgia of my early games, before I got way too serious about this hobby! One of my biggest awkward moments is when I'm rolling during combat and there's just silence while everyone waits for me to finish crunching the numbers. I proposed a new player-sided combat system (similar to the Unearthed Arcana: Players Make All Rolls variant rule) and my group seems pretty excited to try it. I've heard a lot of people say this makes them feel like they have more agency in the battle and feel more engaged in the game.

[@Neoxalfa]

I really reaaaaally needed to hear that... For me it doesn't happen as much during but after the session. I start feeling like crap and thinking that they haven't enjoyed themselves and that sorts of things... what I found that more or less helps is asking them about a couple of specific things they like and one that they didn't, because then: 1) I know exactly what they like and what they don't so I can consider it for following sessions 2) I don't feel like they're just being nice to me even though they haven't enjoyed themselves

[@mathsalot8099]

Thank you for this video. Sometimes the best thing to do is not to fix the problem, but to say, "You are not alone." I needed that today.

[@Connor-kh8sh]

The Sense of Dread. The DM? Dungeon Master? No. Dread Master… Damn just named my big bad evil guy

[@samchafin4623]

Thank you so much for bringing this up, and talking about what you do, and what works for you, and what is still hard. I've been playing RPGs for 30 years now, and every time I run a game, I still feel like some combination of improve troupe actor and school teacher.

[@mikeatarms]

This video was so on point for me. I'm a DM of 4-ish years, and between having kids (read: less time to prep) and COVID making everything harder, this negative post-game feeling was the final nail in the coffin that made me put my game on hold for awhile. I'm glad this isn't just me, and this was a very validating video to watch! Should rename this to "GM therapy"...now feeling emboldened to get my game back up and running!

[@simonmorley4816]

The feeling doesn't go away, for me its attached to if you and your players gel Its been 11 years for me One of the things I find really amplifies the anxiety is running something written by someone else, or something over-prepared - basically something outside of your comfort zone

[@RichardKurbis]

As a GameMaster since 1979 (My first RPG was GammaWorld, but learnt how to play by being intro'd to D&D at the time) 1> don't go into the game with "expectations" 2> roll with the players. The players will determine how much roleplay/combat they want. 3> kill exposition. Players will find out history and your theme naturally. (leave it open for player interpretations... you can use this) 4>For new GM's use a simpler system, this way you won't need to go back to the books (delaying the game) and the players won't be going back to the books looking up stuff (delaying the game). 5> Start with theme and one dungeon... start the players in a situation (in the dungeon in this case) with a mission in progress... let the players mesh together in a dungeon-room... proceed from there... once you KNOW your players after this initial session, you can build the further adventures on what your players seem to cling to. Some cool insight, being that you are still new to RPG's "D", keep on posting vids, I enjoy them.

[@Lyzan00]

I have been playing for around 20 years and DMing pretty much since the beginning. I still get these moments. DM Anxiety is for everyone. Its something you get when you care about the outcome. For what its worth, my two cents with a couple of things that I have tried and they worked: 1- delegate some activities to your players. They will feel engaged and empowered and you have less stuff to worry about. You can then use your brain in the things that you actually need to focus on. - Have someone calling out initiatives in combat. - Have someone track the HP of the monsters. (you can keep your own calculations hidden such as resistances) - If you have a big group, delegate someone to be answering rules questions. You have a game to run, you cannot be looking at the books every 2 minutes. 2- If you can, rotate DMs every now and then. Even if its just as a filler sidequest, it might help give you a break and get that energy back, but more importantly, It will put you on the players side at least that time, and you will be able to see things from their side. Furthermore, it helps break that mental asociation between you and all the bad guys. Hope this helps, cheers.

[@MonarchsFactory]

"It's something you get when you care about the outcome." That is some WISDOM

[@1.21gigawatts2]

The last game I DMed before I reluctantly quit.... ended abruptly because two of my players died inside a volcano as they were hunting down a sorcerer who was holding the island they were occupying hostage. I spent several sessions prior emphasizing how DANGEROUS this mission was and how they should consider preparation for scaling the mountain, entering the volcano and ultimately fighting the deadly sorcerer. When two of the players were killed they blew up at me, yelled at me and complained about how bullshit it was that they died. I spent roughly 5-10 hours a week prepping for their enjoyment and hearing those complaints destroyed me internally and has made me swear off DMing completely. I'll be sticking to being a player from now on. Respect to Dael and all other DMs. I never realized how stressful being a Dungeon Master was.

[@FreelancerLA]

Sounds more like a problem with your players than with your DM skills.

[@1.21gigawatts2]

@@FreelancerLA I hate to blame Matt Mercer for this but his name was mentioned. I believe a few of them started DnD because of what they saw on Critical Role and when they saw my lackluster ass they freaked the f**k out.

[@kay8010]

I don't get players like that. I got into DnD because of CR but I never expected (or wanted) my game to be a carbon copy of it. Maybe it's because I also watched some less popular streams afterwards? Also, one word. Goldfish.

[@charlessmith5465]

This sorcerer's been holed up inside a volcano for about 500 years, there's probably a few different portals to other dimensions in there, an anthology of lore about all the parties of adventurers who arrogantly trespaLEEEEEROY JENNNNNKINS, LET'S DIVE IN... -_- roll for perception.

[@jacobdavidlet]

One way to really help find your DMing style is to play a lot of different games that are not D&D, and even different versions of D&D. A while back my style had a dramatic shift after playing OSR style games, and that was after a decade of DMing.

[@glennrollins7684]

Thank you for this! Just checked in with my players yesterday and they didn't know what I was talking about. DMs: We are our own worst critics!

[@fardareismai4495]

Always a good day when you upload, thank you😃

[@Patrick-ic6np]

Thanks Dael, I’ve been DMing off and on since 1982 and this advice is helping me through my own crisis. I’m realizing that the game I try to DM is not necessarily the game my players are looking for. That’s a hard lesson for a DM.

[@heavymetaljess_]

Theater of the Mind has always worked so much better for me. The players stay more in "story mode" and don't go into "board game mode." They'll ask me things like, "Is there anything nearby I can break?" or "Can I assume I can take cover behind a tree since we're in a forest?" It gives me an opportunity to let them drive the story instead of a map limited by the illustration. They're more creative and I can more easily allow great ideas to work. Like, if an idea is fantastic, but they're exactly 1 square short of being able to do it, that draws out combat needlessly. I'd rather fudge it to speed things up and say, "Yep, you feel like you're in range to use that idea!"

[@MonarchsFactory]

Exactly! That's exactly it! I think it also serves as a great improv training ground because it's all "yes and," "yes but," and "no but" back and forths

[@theducksarewatching1664]

Something that I've come to terms with recently, which may be helpful for others to hear as well: "Just because you can think of a better way to have run something with hindsight, doesn't mean the way you ran it was bad."

[@MonarchsFactory]

👏👏👏

[@BLynn]

Excellent video Miss Dael. Thank you for all the work you put into this KZbin channel.

[@icywinterof88]

I totally also highlight just the important bits in notes. I highlight with different colors. Orange is an important but, blue is treasure, beige is an npc description, etc etc. It personally helps me.

[@AdamBlackArts]

I've been a Forever DM since summer of 1983, and the DM Anxiety never seems to go away entirely. However, I've had some luck shooing it away by treating every game session as if I'm reading my favorite novel and the PCs are my favorite characters ever. I'm always rooting for them, but at the same time I'm always interested in watching them overcome impossible odds and terrible evils. I go into every session excited as hell to see how my favorite characters will either triumph or pick themselves up from the depths of despair this week. Also: this video was full of great advice! Subscribed.

[@DaBezzzz]

Every GM needs to watch this video. Dael, I vibed with every individual point you make in this video. It really takes away a lot of insecurities, like I'm a theater kid too, and I've been doing improv almost my entire life, so it's almost existentially dreadful to not feel good at that - "but I'm the theatre guy?? I should be good at this???" Same with voices. But truth is, this is a completely different way of improvising, in a completely different context. Of course I'm not that good at it yet, I'm still getting familiar with this particular type of improv. ALSO DESCRIPTIONS. Coincidentally, I'm also doing exactly what you're doing with descriptions, but I'm not sure if it's right for me, since it maybe feels kinda forced to read descriptions aloud, especially if I'm really excited about it and thus thinking "ohmygodohmygod I hope they like it" instead of "I need to build up emphasis to this word". So it's good to know there are other options, too.

[@Nichoalsziv]

Man this video could not be more timely. Last week I ran my 3rd session and just felt like total crap after, killed my productivity for the next 4 days. Kept second guessing myself and doubting everything. And pretty much everything you describe feels relevant, glad to see that I'm not alone and there are solutions.

[@alexg3973]

One session I ran happened when the DM couldn't make it and I offered to run an incomplete mission I had plan and the players went off in a way I hadn't even thought of, I threw up my arms said, "we're going fast and lose" and we had the most fun in a game I had run up to that point lol. They knew I wasn't prepared and I was ok with it as I came up with things on the fly. I've done my best to incorporate a more organic DM style that is very reactive to the players and I have been having a blast since.

[@Baso-sama]

we always use theater of the mind. i think it gives more opportunities for both the dm and the players to describe the events in words, to actually roleplay and not get too restricted by rigid rules. so what we do is usually, after we establish the order via initiative checks, every "turn" all of the players announce what they are about to do and then the dm describes what's actually happening according to the dice rolls. i as a dm usually dont even tell the players what is the dc, they just roll and i tell them a more or less detailed description of how their intended actions turned out. that being said, nobody gives a tantrum if players draw a little battle map for themselves if that helps them keep stuff in mind. but yeah, i think actually describing things with words rather than boxing everything into rigidity on the paper is more faithful to the spirit of roleplaying, less gamey. edit: to reflect to the video on a whole: all of these tips you are giving are rock solid. it just gives off the vibe it is coming from a grizzled veteran. every dm, new and old can take inspiration from this.

[@kitwells8972]

This video could not have come out at a better time

[@julianlastname5730]

I had so much anxiety for running my first dnd session, and that was for my family, some of the most accepting people I know. It took me a while to just chill out and have fun with it. To any new dms: just relax. Your players will have fun with whatever you present them with, and sometimes they help with building the world as you go.

[@jantona]

Something you might like looking into is Fictive Hack's concept of arenas. Basically chunk up large combat areas semi-arbitrarily by terrain type, so each room, hall, maybe big areas are multiple arenas. In that system each arena has a terrain quality light tight, open, hazardous, that give attack modifiers to different weapon types, and characters in each arena can interact more or less freely.

[@blugobln85]

One of my earliest and biggest lessons is I describe a game like a clock. The DM is working with the gears under the surface of the clock face, manipulating everything, and when the gears grind and the whole thing is falling apart the DM sees ALL of that. Its terrifying. But the players only see the surface of the clock face, and guess what? If those second, minute, and hour hands are still moving, even if they're not moving at the perfectly correct pace, the players will think its all fine and they'll probably even have fun. Nobody is timing your clock hands, they're just enjoying them! You can have the Worst. Session. Ever. But if your players don't ever get a look under the surface of things, they might have had a *GREAT* session, in spite of your struggle! Trust your players when they tell you they had fun, and work on getting things on your end more relaxed for yourself as you go.

[@samprastherabbit]

I'm fairly new to DMing too (less than 2 years I'd say?) and this was such a wonderful and reassuring video. Thanks for making it!

[@plumfun6750]

DM'ing is like sex: The more you do it, the better you get at it. :) I've been a DM for almost 40 years now, and after the first decade I started to really feel comfortable with "winging it" when needed, and "sticking to it" when needed. This combination is what defines a DM's "style". I think the best advice I can give to a semi-newb DM (re: less than a decade of experience behind the DM Screen) is this: "Go with your gut". You will make bad choices, and these will help to define your "inner DM muse". You will also make good choices, witch will do the same. As your DM'ing style matures, you will start to get a...hmmm.... "Inner-DM-Compass" that will guide your decisions. Oh, and here's a tip: When you're DM'ing a game... it is NOT YOUR STORY! It's the PLAYERS. Let them drive the story...your job is to just direct traffic to their decisions.

[@TuberTugger]

A few months ago I started DMing a campaign over my twitch stream. I'd DMed before and I'd streamed before. But for some reason, doing both gave me a ton of nerves for no reason. You can definitely tell in the first episode. I hit my groove eventually and I no longer feel nerves.

[@MrBlaisehebert]

Over 20 years of facilitating games, and that feeling hasn't go away.

[@jkamil72]

I have been DMing for almost 12 years and to this day I am nervous before every session. However, by the time I've recapped the previous session and answered any questions butterflies are gone. I look at it as a positive as, it just means I am dedicated to my players and their enjoyment of the game.

[@joshthenesnerd]

i am glad this video exists. i feel generalized anxiety around running like you're talking about and also a very very specific experience-related anxiety. my first campaign was a bad experience for everyone at the table. it was an absolute nightmare. didn't even go 2 and a half months. and i was legit scared to run for a while after. couldn't even watch youtube videos about running the game or touch the DMG i was that scared. and now i'm with a new group and running my second campaign and somehow that's been going on for 2 years as of this month. i'm pretty anxious about running still. granted, the DM anxiety you are talking about is very general and mine is very experience specific, but i'm still glad this video exists. the advice here will definitely help the generalized anxiety i feel towards running. only time can help the other thing.

[@VaSoapman]

This should not be a problem. Not for me. Yet here I stand. A miracle to behold! I really like that quote. With a bit of tweaks, might be a fun thing for the villain to say about the players.

[@SarahWisner]

Knowing I'm not the only one who experiences this is a HUGE help in itself! Great info - Thank you!

[@riandickson3541]

Thank you for all your advice, this video hits home with me. I’ve never been great at public speaking and my anxiety stems from not feeling eloquent enough. I’ve had games where I’ve lost the word mid-sentence, and time stands still. My friends are top notch and are so patient. But it is not easy going on afterwards. I will not leave the house without my security blanket again!

[@SuperTed588]

Awesome video! I feel so old... I'm in the "decades" category now (it never used to be this way). Judging how the games went is really hard. The game I thought was the worst - where I was completely unprepared and like a madman was plugging the plot holes on the fly and it felt like patching a sinking row boat - the players said was one of the best games. The games where I had everything super prepared and that I had thought was awesome - the players found confusing and were not as engaged. Anxiety still happens to me if I've got absolutely nothing prepared - but as you get more experienced, you become the king/queen of stalling tactics. Throw in a randomly generated NPC, throw in a random encounter, encourage a bit of role playing - and that week you were underprepared goes by, giving you time to get it all together again for the next one. Overpreparation I think can also be a problem, not giving your players the flexibility to change the world if it's already written in stone. It's hard to get quality advice out in a youtube comment... I'll stop here. The one thing that I still struggle with is consistency with my NPC voices - even within the same game. Do you have any tips for how to remember which sound you used for that particular NPC - so it can be easily picked up again? Unrelated question - I can never predict which NPC the players will adopt and which they'll dismiss. Is this just me? Thanks again!

[@SharpTern]

A somewhat terrifying, but also enlightening and empowering exercise, is to do a game sometime with absolutely zero prep. Just be sitting there and suddenly say, "Let's play D&D! The three of you are in an inn. There's a guy behind the bar, two women at a table, a really thin dog lying by the front door...." And just wing it. I do this out of necessity from time to time when there's a last-minute cancellation and I don't want to have the regular campaign, but there are a few people sitting in front of me who want to play D&D. The beauty of it is that you aren't expected in any way to be on top of your game. Names and descriptions and plotlines you come up with may be hilariously bad, but everyone at the table knows you're making it up literally at that very instant and they're just going to have fun with the inconsistencies and unimaginative names. What will fascinate you, even as a relatively inexperienced DM, is how much really cool stuff you CAN come up with instantly when you aren't putting pressure on yourself to make tonight the BEST GAME EVER! Doing that every once in a while will make the next time the players insist on giving an entire session's investigation to the dock district of a town (which was supposed to just be there for flavor) far less daunting.

[@Kaihlik]

I really relate to the descriptions side of things. The number of times I have forgotten details or skipped over important things at the start of a fight is ridiculous, hell I did it last session and now I might have to try and dig myself out of a hole. This video dropped just as I started trying to get myself into a better place for the next few sessions so perfect timing.