Monday Morning Podcast 8-12-19

[@rogueflamingo301]

Time stamps: 0:00 - Intro 2:40 - Trump conspiracy tweets and a hard crowd 9:01 - Jeffrey Epstein suicide 20:33 - Football preseason 26:00 - Ad reads 31:26 - Movies Billy boy watched 34:03 - Having advice on your t-shirt Fan emails : 41:58 - Helping educators 47:06 - Seasons of the year problems 53:26 - Vietnam 57:10 - Insecurity 1:02:52 - Overrated or underrated Hope all you Billy fans are having a great day.

[@nelsondisalvatore9812]

You are a saint.

[@periteu]

Thank you

[@debonaire_nerd]

I hear Jeffrey's final words were "i'm sick of having to sit through an entire Bill Burr podcast just to hear the reads!" You were a week too late, my friend.

[@AndrewWright1998]

You are doing the lords work sir

[@THE.kevman237]

You da real MVP.

[@Dbdorr]

RIP to the homeless guy that looks like Jeffrey Epstein

[@TheStuport]

LOL....the fucktards who buy into the bullshit like this are absolute disgraces to the loins of their parents.

[@IzzySoDope]

Yup

[@MisterMitchMM]

That's fucking hilarious. God damn.

[@IzzySoDope]

@Robot I idk about all that. I just think if anybody can fake their death in a federal facility, a billionaire can

[@FuckGoogle2]

@@IzzySoDope If anybody can make a hit look like suicide in a federal facility it's other billionaires he might've brought down with him.

[@LVL60Beltran]

Who tf are these people going out to comedy clubs and getting offended? Did they get lost?

[@Basementjacks]

They were on their way to a cultural show. But of course being blind they walked into a comedy club.

[@patg9754]

College kids

[@FranRees]

O noo the millionaire bill burr cant write off his helicopter flights omg what kind of world are we living in! I'm sorry for your loss. Hope you can make it past this horrible tragedy.

[@joshuaalbert5679]

Poisonous Nut nope they were old republican men who believe anything their facebook fan pages “Army Joe” and “Make American Great Again Pages”

[@FranRees]

@@joshuaalbert5679 or just maybe people who went to see a comedy show to escape the crazy political climate we live in. But instead hear the same shit every rich celebrity shoves down people throats while being totally ignorant. I doubt people go to see bill burr to hear his opinions on Donald Trump.

[@AlabamaChill]

I love when Bill Burr laughs after a joke 😂😂🤣🤣

[@Post-Yap_Clarity]

Bill: F Trump for retweeting conspiracy theories Also Bill: Epstein is still alive

[@landonic81]

Or how about this....Alex Jones is a nut for suggesting for the past ten years that their is a massive pedo ring being lead by elite Billionaires and powerful celebrities. They called him a crazy conspiracy therorist for saying it was going on and blew him off the internet for it. Turns out he was right about it all.

[@icxcnika9399]

@@theforemostauthority2806 any links?

[@alihusssin4060]

@@landonic81 so true, everyone dismissed Alex at the time

[@theforemostauthority2806]

@@icxcnika9399 Yep check out Timcast he posted it recently.

[@dumbeldore9067]

He said he is glad he is dead. How stupid are you?

[@kingofthefountain3091]

I fully support Trump retweeting conspiracy theories.

[@FUNZO1975]

@RIC REMIXX God damn right.

[@CabezasDePescado]

only sheep use the term "conspiracy theory"

[@jaymcd8577]

​@@CabezasDePescado how do you mean?

[@whitley9665]

Me too

[@relimic]

@@jaymcd8577 I can answer that. Key word, 'theory.' Sheep automatically presume/assume conspiracy theories are always incorrect. Even when there is physical proof to the contrary! Ex. 9/11 -so much physical proof that it's a fact the official story is bogus: (no plane debris from the pentagon, 3rd building demolition, lava steel from fuel, etc.) Ex. Epstein committed suicide: Even though he was always smiling in his last days Even though he was taken off suicide watch Even though he had no inmate with him Even though the cameras coincidentally stopped working Even though the autopsy has been delayed Even though the guards stopped looking for 2 hours Even though the picture shows a completely different profile (not from lighting) Even though the majority of people are believing the official story = sheep

[@Pizzle745]

Comparing how you read a few months ago to the latest podcast, your reading is definitely improving. Keep it up, Billy Ballsack!!

[@natashathompson9185]

"There's nothing wrong with a midsize car". I have died lmao

[@bejs2006]

Bill, I did suicide watch on a pedophile in Afghanistan in 2010, had to to stay in the same room with him for 3 days until he was taken stateside, very creepy even though I was armed and he was not. Love your comedy. 🤣

[@TheBeautifulGamer]

Couldn't he just attack you, forcing you to defend yourself so using the weapon you were armed with and therefore render the point of you being there to begin with, pointless?

[@shyann8033]

I commend you dude, it would have taken every muscle in my body to refrain my mind from taking over and putting a yellow Jacket round in his head

[@liamgell]

These will NEVER get old 🤣

[@bobrcmwall4271]

Thanks for the commentary on public education. I'm a HS teacher and a very very amateur comic in phoenix AZ. I listen to you and Joe Rogan, and I have a ton of respect for the way you guys do comedy and think (liberals with common sense.) I love the way you point out the obvious, and get people triggered. Big fan here! Thanks for commenting and trying to bring awareness to the massive underfunding going on in public education. As much as I'd love to meet you, (and next time you are in Phoenix, I'm fuckin there!) The truth is that elementary school teachers are the ones getting shafted. Those people are underfunded and have two to three jobs that help fund their classroom. In addition, to actually teaching kids in EVERY subject, adhering to some bullshit standards and putting up with irresponsible parents. Those people are fuckin saints!!! If you truly want to help, throw a rock and you'll hit 10 elementary school teachers that need funding (in any state of the US.) Just walk into any public elementary school and pick a teacher! You will actually make a huge difference, and theyll be able to help more kids. Thanks again, Roberto Muro

[@chasesutley7277]

I just wanted to say I'm a big fan of yours Bill. The way you rant and rave is like hearing my own thoughts projected at me through a loud speaker like some weird science fiction b- movie. I've recently decided to try stand up and you are a big reason why , so thank you. Every time I think of material , I hear your voice in my head speaking the words. No , I'm not on drugs if you don't count marijuana. Also, I'm a famous baseball player.

[@HIareUmad]

think of it this way Bill, the guy with the most reason in the world to kill themself or be murdered ends up dead in a cell on suicide watch. All the guards/cops knew it, as if they wouldn't be watching him. This guy had dirt on lots of very powerful people. I miss the old Bill Burr who wouldn't dismiss this like you just did.

[@CV-ly6ct]

You've obviously never been to jail, guards barely pay attention. People fight, smoke, do drugs, fuck all while being "watched" by guards.

[@helpivebeenkidnapped6195]

@@CV-ly6ct Jeffrey Epstein is literally the most high-profile criminal case in the country. And it makes perfect sense that he got taken off of suicide watch, end all the guards responsible for watching him were called away at the same time that the cameras failed iter... And it just so happens that some of the most rich and powerful people in in the world benefited from his death

[@chasemorrison2816]

Bill Burr is my hero.

[@Hell_Inc]

seriously, who dislikes Bill Burr??

[@benshea6533]

People who take life too seriously

[@pekerhed101]

@@benshea6533 I like Bill Burr...but I can't say I was supportive when he so easily rejected the popular possibility that Epstein was wacked. Bill's got a dark enough side to recognize that possibility. He's smart....but he sounded pretty ignorant when talking about the Epstein death(assassination.) I guess that could possibly warrant a few downvotes, I dunno.

[@epyonsystem1869]

@@pekerhed101 yea bill burr sounded stupid saying its not possible especially with everything surrounding that guy

[@bryanjj1530]

RobbD and he’s making fun of trump for retweeting theories. While he’s making one.....some strong mental gymnastics

[@Hell_Inc]

Ben Shea judgind by the 2 comments below yours I think I understand what you’re saying

[@herb6434]

Went to the show last night, glad i went. Thank you for a great night Billy!!

[@BrekkaJones24]

Anyone else incredibly impressed by that howl at 28:51??

[@HoonaticsMCNiko23Crowe]

Dude nailed the 3 Act structure perfectly. 1st ten pages builds to an inciting incident and shit goes off.

[@ForgottonLoL]

The zip recruiter ad gets me every time lmao

[@deborahbwye2820]

Hi from the U.K, i`ve only just recently got on to you and love all your stuff, you make me laugh so much thank you!

[@tarzanb6092]

everytime i need to update my flash, i just don't do it till my videos dont work! love it!

[@Djuntas]

Him and teh is great :D Flash wont even exsist anymore in 2020. RIP old flash games etc.

[@Ghostwolf173]

Remember when Ole Billy red nuts openly talked up conspiracy theories? Fun times.

[@jaymcd8577]

He's played Israel, guy's bought and sold now

[@puppetsoftherealm4742]

@@jaymcd8577 what do you mean "played Israel"

[@jaymcd8577]

@@puppetsoftherealm4742 Did a gig, he even kissed their ass saying he'd definitely move there. The guy's full've shit, he said it himself at one stage, and not to listen to'em but people still do, fuckin phoney!

[@ClaversOdhiambo]

@@jaymcd8577 and what's wrong with doing a gig in Israel?

[@jaymcd8577]

@@ClaversOdhiambo Do you live under a rock? Or you being obtuse

[@whitley9665]

And Michael Jackson did not name himself "king of pop" Elizabeth Taylor did and the world agreed

[@ghostqueen2082]

21 June Midsummer solstice...highest point of the sun; it's all downhill from there...

[@huracanian3051]

I'd buy ur t-shirts... Fuck I'd buy ever one u made lol

[@michaeljohn8905]

I think it’s awesome that one of the funniest comedians ever is also a pilot ! Aviators are awesome.

[@ultranitro437]

Thanks for another great movie suggestion Bill! Rodney is the Bomb.

[@yodapacinian9043]

Hey dude, I'm a disabled veteran. Lots of time. Love your shows man. check out Dyatlov pass case. Shit was crazy for these people.

[@melindac3368]

Thank you for making me laugh Bill!

[@dst_20]

I come for the podcast.... I stay for the comment section. Its fucking amazing!

[@edspencer7121]

I'm just going to say this, what happens behind closed doors no one knows. My Grandmother on mother's side had a best friend whose husband beat her until the day he died and no one knew it until then. She came out with the fact afterwards to exude the pricks existance at his wake. God bless the woman, she stayed true to the marriage vows. Like I said, what happens behind closed doors.

[@dezanddaz6963]

That Joel Osteen joke had me weak 😂😂👌🏾

[@playinggames7856]

Can’t wait until the next Netflix special!

[@michaeljimenez868]

Finally no god damn ads Billy birkenstock

[@FrickFoster]

That's not really a good thing. It means he's not getting paid for the video. You can download the podcast elsewhere ad free

[@CTH_88]

Great show Bill! Come back soon!

[@mauriceboyle6923]

Love your laugh Bill ! ......Your insights are spot on.

[@epicICYLfacial]

Being able to argue a point with yourself is called thinking... real thinking.

[@70mjc]

Bill Burr is as real as humanly possible

[@mrdriftguy7081]

Love to hear your podcast the day before my birthday giving me some good laughs brotha love your work g💯

[@MisadventuresOfMustBeTheMeds1]

Happy birthday 🎂

[@johnarizona3820]

Hey Bill Burr, your a comedian, act like it.

[@rykson161]

Bill Burr is so right!!!

[@jeremysmith5579]

Mr Burr, you’re like a drug I can’t get enough of, you are gut clinching knee slapping HILARIOUS, one of my top five favorite comedians, if you ever come to North Carolina for a show, I will make it top priority to attend, thanks for the laughter, signed, a half black half Cherokee guy 👍🏽

[@natashathompson9185]

Omg...let the big D roll off your back....man gotta love Bill

[@mikevember]

"Inappropriate, raunchy . . . 12 year old boys" I keep hearing this advertisement and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

[@nyutrig]

bill heres a hint, dont use google to try to find conspiracy theories.

[@timharper3390]

Ask Jeeves has all the insider info, duh.

[@Wallyworld30]

@Spanish Moustache Bill needs to hit up redditt. No end of conspiracy theories there.

[@MisadventuresOfMustBeTheMeds1]

@Spanish Moustache he can just check Sam Tripoli's instagram

[@helpivebeenkidnapped6195]

@Poisonous Nut the dark web and the Deep Web aren't the same thing

[@nickbagelboy]

I might have missed it in past podcasts, but does anyone have any information on when his new standup special is going to released? Has he mentioned it yet?

[@abigailandino6251]

"Let that big duck just roll right off your back" "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, no pumping intended" I CAN'T!!!!!

[@chromeframecovers9430]

That shit was funnnnny!!!

[@mrkojak-ci1zm]

It was real convenient. Don't want the subject of the 26 Bill trips to be exposed. Sigh of relief

[@trevorpeters4358]

I bet bill would fuck anything but Hillary.

[@RestrictedAirspacePodcast]

32:52 Easy Money Joe “What do browsers look like?” Rodney “Maybe I’m half browser.” Fucking classic movie Bill. 🎥 🍿

[@adammilan7528]

Damn bill this Ep. Hit' 😂😂 Keep'em rolling off yo back! FunnyAF

[@pinochuck827]

bill lost his way how can he believe epstein just killed himself like that?

[@JasonLawrenceJones]

Lost his way because he doesn't believe the exact same things you believe?

[@jacobmalone117]

I think his words were he said he doesn't really know exactly what happened and that he's just glad the fuckers dead and moved on. How is that losing his way?

[@rykson161]

Bill burr is a BOSS

[@altonlee103]

I can respect Billy Ball Breaker. He trashes BOTH SIDES and people still lose their shit! LOL. I can picture Bill and Nia sitting at home laughing their ass off!

[@jgillan92]

Do what ya love 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@pottsspot]

Hearing bill cry because he cant write off his personal flight plans, hilarious!

[@sommerjones9281]

I dont think he’s dead either! I hate politics and people who actually have an affiliation. They’re all the same.

[@derek-iy6ch]

What happened to F is for family?

[@kingzor100]

How do you write into the podcast?

[@mikefrick1958]

zip recruiter had me crying

[@cmen6895]

i feel asleep and in the last part of my dream i was back to school shopping for school and as i was going through the shirts bill was complaining about all of them in my dream. best sleep and most confusing way to wake up.

[@theophrastusbombastus1359]

I would totally buy those t-shirts!

[@TheGuyBruv]

34:08 when he starts making fun of people with advice on their clothes, but I just started a company that sells t-shirts that say "Put In The Work" hahahaha oh Well..

[@lewis6590]

You selling a tshirt isn't a company lol

[@TheGuyBruv]

@@lewis6590 so what would make it a company?

[@ibnbrydie]

You're losing me Bill rest in peace Patrice O'Neal

[@Great-Tiger]

Bill has become an absolout beta loser with his brain washed Harriot Winslow wife in his ear. Im so sick of it, its such a shame. Hes delusional now. What a douchebag

[@sisyr5615]

@@Great-Tiger You seem mad.

[@philmaurice8946]

@Snark L E He may be trying to save America, but the president's lies make it impossible to know much of anything about his intentions. It's too bad.

[@Questforperfection23]

Patrice doesnt give a fuck about you. He cared about Bill because he was able to learn from mistakes, give change a chance and most importantly; laugh at it all. I laugh everytime I see you stupid asshole's trying to discredit his message, clearly you're ready for the looney bin.

[@ibnbrydie]

Anybody who understood Patrice O'Neal do not get emotional and we neutral on all situations and only on the side of righteousness

[@shanena5322]

"I don't f'n know".... well you said it 😂

[@thelastofthelemmings6279]

Twenty four hours of of surveillance entails ALEXA!! LOL

[@s4n714g000]

What movie was Bill in?

[@ryanerickson8472]

Dude I was at that show, i saw the helicopter taking off, i fuckin knew it was him. Awesome show. Dude is one of the all time greats, ad libbed half the show and it was fuckin hysterical.

[@conceptuallyspeaking9344]

So sad. There used to be no greater thing in the world than Bill ranting about bankers. Banking was and still is a conspiracy right? Now all of a sudden conspiracies don't exist and anyone theorising about potential conspiracies is a nutbag? Shouldn't it be the greatest thing in the world that the president is not only NOT condemning conspiracy theorists as crazy, but is actually acknowledging their legitimacy? The Bill of 7 years ago would have thought so.

[@TrustableGuy]

Hes a family man now, times change.

[@helpivebeenkidnapped6195]

Every single high-profile celebrity who talks about any conspiracy theories always ends up later on saying that conspiracy theories are crazy

[@artrabum]

Question: I’m getting confused with bills pod format. The date says it’s new but every podcast seems like there’s 4 seperate podcasts. And they seem old and not new cause he’s talking about not having kids when I thought he does?? Maybe some could fill me in

[@Dild0Fagg1ns]

The first half of the podcast is new. Then there's a music interlude. Then the last half is a throw back podcast from ages ago. Sometimes they go back to 2010.

[@artrabum]

Amanda Dean thnx! That’s helpful

[@Dild0Fagg1ns]

Happy to help. I rarely scroll down that far in the comments but I wanted to see if anybody else wanted a line of Bill Burr tee shirts.

[@SoaringShade]

18:41 when my girlfriend walks in the room, while I'm on my phone.

[@RZ-1JZ]

Billy boy, when you getting Nia on?

[@Shorty15c4007]

[Ooooooooooooooooooooo.....Jeeeeeezzuuuuuus.]

[@christianmistian6849]

Saw u in AC and u killed it. U made fun of my man and I never laughed so hard in my life.

[@cstralka]

Bill, usually a "sitter" is next to you 24-7 if you are on suicide watch.

[@8877robert]

Lol that email

[@TheAlpineShepherdBoy]

Suicide watch can mean more than one thing... "24 hour suicide watch" is also referred to as an intense suicide watch. This means there is someone within line of sight at all hours of the day. Not just on camera and usually within arms reach. If Epstein was on an intense suicide watch, which was originally reported, there is absolutely no way he killed himself. Any other type of suicide watch, which is the more normal watch, would be a periodic check. Basically exactly what you would expect. They stick you in an empty room and walk by every 15 minutes or so.

[@pekerhed101]

He had already been removed from suicide watch the moment of his death. ....but there were still supposed to be important measures implemented after his suicide watch was lifted. But those measures were coincidentally compromised simultaneously...which is plenty proof that there was something orchestrated to wack the guy. I don't think people understand just how powerful the powerful are.

[@adamrounds1670]

What movie did he just do?

[@DavidDantePhoenix]

Bill really sounds like he's operating on a high level. Great to hear. The legend continues.

[@user-bt5nmjds0a]

Mr. Burr, it's about time for you to do more standups and tv interviews so i can watch endless supply of reaction videos... i'm begging tou sir!

[@davidcowan6860]

Those were the daaaaysss

[@lawsonone6015]

I read that in the Bunkers' singing voice complete with Edith ripping it up at the end: daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyys

[@DolphLongedgreens]

Comedy is when Bill reads a Vox article because he thought something else was biased.

[@897daredevil]

A podcast on my birthday? Yes please.

[@thetranspanzer3692]

Happy Birthday!

[@georgecrisci5440]

Can someone please make those T-shirts? And quote "- Bill Burr" at the bottom. And then share the link to buy them please

[@chipthedipyaknow]

Today I learned that when Bill Burr sees a t shirt that says "Mean People Suck" he takes it as a personal affront.

[@jaredt5127]

He is just mad sensitive about his gag reflex.

[@jasonbeck9457]

Just a sad shell of his former self

[@ripp213]

When is your new special debuting

[@Twobarpsi]

Wow its actually uploaded on a Monday!

[@eileensmith4506]

The wedsite won't open, you probably already know this but iit says link error

[@toohardfortheradiopodcast]

I was on 24/7 watch in jail once. I was being an asshole though... Still they put me in a room with a glass wall. I had these weird tick plastic blankets that were designed for sucide prevention, and some kind of poncho. I don't remember everything but I very seriously doubt I would have been physically able to hang myself, but I didn't want to. I do remember that there was nothing on the roof or walls that could serve as an anchor. I was in a shitty jail in northern California, that place is supposed to be extremely secure. Idk what happened. He probably killed himself.

[@clemdane]

I used to loathe that bumper sticker a lot of people had in the Bay Area, "Live Simply That Others May Simply Live." I was trying to figure out the best parody of it and couldn't quite come up with it. "Live barely that others may barely live" (with a cartoon of a nudist) was my closest.

[@timhosler6759]

. What's your take on Andrew Yang?

[@landonic81]

He's got some decent ideas but he is starting to lose it. Dude broke down crying in stage and then went off on Trump and called him a fat slob and made fun of his physical condition. Dude isn't gonna last and will crack

[@timhosler6759]

@@landonic81 well I think him breaking down on stage was a very human response. I have kids and have personally teared up at just a thought of them being harmed. So I don't agree that's a negative. As for the insult I didn't like it. It reminded me of what trump does. It's immature imo. I hope you're not right about that. Fingers crossed he is stronger than you think.

[@landonic81]

@@timhosler6759 Nah if he's gonna offer solutions on a super complex issue such as mass shootings and 2A rights then you can't be emotional about it. When we act on pure emotion we throw logic out the window. I saw him crying as weak.

[@cullenlorenz8998]

I want the shirt that says tell that bitch to shut up

[@johnbaker9508]

bill was woke but now he has gone to bed again

[@steveshyde7564]

Come on bill you don't think he knew too much? And they both did it

[@thatvintageguyXD]

I’m doing well this morning here in Colorado

[@penicillin7502]

Because of bill burr I fell in love with jungle’s busy earnin. Can’t...stop...listening 😐

[@John-ub4dw]

Should have Rich Vos give us a guest appearance on the pod, the guys hilarious and I'm not to sure if they already know each other though but he was soo funny on Jim and Sam with Gervais the other day

[@boojum1769]

other than that... damn Bill u nailing this no holds Burred

[@hardwood1274]

Bill you will never miss the cash

[@BLEDA127]

Is he just reuploading old material? I feel like I've already heard parts of the last few podcasts.

[@MagicSkeleton]

RE: suicide watch-I don't know about the US, but in the UK, suicide watch is a person sitting on a chair in the same small room a few feet away from the person.

[@timc4693]

24 hour suicide watch is you alone in your own cell completely naked with literally nothing. The 24 hour part just means they're supposed to check on you once an hour every hour. You eventually get a blanket