Monologue: Shutdown Showdown | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

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Bill recaps the top stories of the week, including the ongoing government shutdown, President Trump's shady lawyers and his latest spat with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
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[@mlpfanboy1701]

Thank you God and thank you Bill. You and the other talk show comedians are what keep myself and many other people at least somewhat sane in this insanity.

[@evolvedape2161]

Mlpfanboy That fact is upsetting in and of itself.

[@GmoneyStylez]

A standing ovation to an everyday hero.

[@jashanestone]

Best thing about "KZbin"? I get to tell Bill Maher and the Real Time crew... Welcome back!! We have a HELL OF A LOT to cover.. 😄😄

[@paulramos4037]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY (on Sunday, Jan. 20), UNCLE BILL!!!!

[@ryanmaher4331]

That's my uncle!!! Lol

[@Illmatic662]

@@ryanmaher4331 ...Is he really your Uncle?

[@MorrigansRaven3944]

I know I'm weird, but I don't care...lol Bill always looks so hot when he wears his black suits! 😉 I love it! ❤

[@NewMessage]

Rudy always looks surprised because he can't believe he hasn't been disbarred yet either.

[@robert9ish]

New Message. I see you in so many of the forums I visit. Not that I'm complaining. You always bring a smile or a chuckle. Cheers!

[@Wolfboss7]

New Message Either that or he looks like he's just woken up from a nap. Really, why can't we just put Rudy in a home? It's obvious his mind is no longer there.

[@katiekane5247]

He can't believe he hasn't been FIRED yet, I wonder if he's getting paid? I see you at all my favorite channels, we have similar tastes & ideas.

[@markreierstad2418]

Or had a stake driven through his heart once and for all...

[@whocares2087.1]

We may find he has been disbarred years ago. The Trumposphere is full of liars.

[@PsoriasisChannel]

Love you Mr. Maher, your message is so smart and could not praise your organization more.

[@TarquinMelnyk]

“You can’t believe my lawyer, he’s in prison.” 🤘🏼🔥😂

[@kn9ioutom]

Trump is Putin's USEFUL IDIOT !

[@elduende367]

Of course it is an obvious given ...

[@lagaman11]

Good to have you back Bill, it was an awesome show!

[@sm4sh3d]

Welcome back Bill, we missed you

[@ebthedoc4992]

Thanks, Bill, to both you and your team of writers. Perhaps the tightest collection of “famous stand-up lines” I’ve ever had the pleasure to laugh my butt off, about. Still savoring it!

[@BrokenToyGoddess]

Oh how I’ve missed you!!! Please make us sane again.

[@ОксанаТеліпська-б3ь]

Bill is back!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@kimjonglongdong3481]

No TRUMP 2020 no bill his career has tanked

[@karmalama8642]

Welcome back Mr. Maher. Always glad to watch your show. Keep'em coming.

[@AlexisShahriarAssadi]

I'm glad to have Bill back! One of the best comedians AND political commentators ever.

[@TheAngryRepublican]

Alexis Assadi doing comedy The Right way 🇺🇸👍

[@jackh.4544]

I'm so pissed off Dish Network will not allow HBO to be aired thank God for KZbin although I can't watch it live

[@SteVoPhoto]

Jack, I. Am in the same boat with Dish Network. Fuck them......

[@proassassin8473]

And when Game of Thrones is coming back on. DISH Network is garbage.

[@bushijim]

Dish doesn't have HBO now? Damn, glad I cancelled them last year.

[@fragdude4450]

you can always get their streaming service HBOgo or switch to directv.

[@TheDobstopper]

There is no reason to spend 100 dollars on such a dated, worthless service like television which still shows you commercials when you can just plug a computer into a tv and pay for whatever services you want for 1/10th of the cost. Hulu, Netflix, and HBOgo combined is still less than almost every television package on the market.

[@joeanncrazyforbling4736]

Lets face it, we need Bill back and a good laugh. Thanks Bill!

[@wizkhalifasmoke]

Thank god you're back

[@alexandras.3782]

We missed you, Bill! Welcome back! 😁

[@governorvilla9052]

That last joke was fire 😂🔥🔥🔥

[@kimjonglongdong3481]

Joe yo mama is 🔥

[@hellfrost333]

Sad how dumb his audience is; he asks one guy to sand-up and they almost all get out of their chairs. (What else should you expect from Liberals) *Trump's been more opposed to Russia than several of our previous presidents- implementing harsh & strict sanctions, but I doubt this crowd even knows or cares. (Bunch of Mindless Sheep) *Would be Hysterical, but sometimes these people give malicious actors power and that's bad for all of us.

[@DvLnDsGyZ]

@@hellfrost333 Do you know what a standing ovation is you fucking moron??

[@hellfrost333]

@ Well I know that 'Actions' speak-louder than 'Words' ~ I know that VIPS (Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity) who were first to condemn Bush on the lack of evidence of WMD(s) in Iraq have heavily criticized the lack of actual evidence regarding Russia Meddling/Collusion and that our intelligent agencies like the FBI, CIA, and NSA have a history of blatantly lying to the American Public to push their own agendas, so I have my doubts too the extent Russia had any involvement in our election and too whatever extent they did, it's minuscule to EVERY Main-stream outlet backing crooked Hillary who had the FBI doing back-flips to protect her elite status. I just look at the facts; what I can know for sure and that is- Trump has been harder on Russia with his sanctions than our last five presidents in terms of police and procedure.... So no, I'm not trolling, you're just cretin.

[@markrieck1048]

@@hellfrost333 Trump is pushing for sanctions to be lifted from Deripaska RIGHT NOW. Who's the moron? BTW, how is Alex these days?

[@martelc.j.6122]

Yess, standing ovation of solidarity!! Come on America!!!! WE GOT THIS!!!!!!

[@DireBreaks]

I missed Bill.

[@daisyelmir1289]

@Oswald Mosley Rotflmao, 😅 You're obviously as dumb as the lifelong pathological liar you follow.🌼

[@CloudsGirl7]

@@daisyelmir1289 Ignore them - they're just another Russian bot.

[@fairdinkum977]

@Oswald Mosley I'm sorry about what they did to you in jail.... Also there's no need to stay conservative (angry) , about it forever!

[@daisyelmir1289]

@@CloudsGirl7 Thanks CloudsGirl7. The only reason I respond is because I don't want the rest of the world to think that we're as dumb and gullible as the FAKE 45 fans. 🌼

[@ellamone9998]

I think you're all bitten by Trump the *snake*. That explains all your anger and nasty comments. This is a comedy show, go find Fox you got the wrong number Oswald!

[@sandrabenedict9177]

One of the best comedian. So darn funny! Love his show.

[@MsMoses-hs5cz]

And clicked Add to cart🤣🤣🤣🤣 the ending was perfect

[@Kitanael]

This one really hurt!

[@DSAK55]

Putin did the same thing

[@hciappina]

AHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAH

[@Nathan-gd7xq]

It's funny cause it's true.

[@koleyw932]

Didn't need the hooker joke at the end.

[@Eklipse758]

Oh, Bill we've missed you so much!

[@bam2xl14]

As long as he is in office you can't take a break... I can't survive without you.

[@trocb]

you need a kitten and a warm glass of unicorn milk then

[@jamesb6857]

Fix yourself, bam2x

[@austininc457]

Welcome back Bill, we missed you and needed your sense of humor.

[@onixtv4034]

You are an American hero Bill thank you

[@kimjonglongdong3481]

TRUMP 2020 is a hero Obama loving 🌳 huggers are 0

[@hellfrost333]

If advocating theft makes you a hero.

[@kimjonglongdong3481]

@@hellfrost333 bills a hack a shaq

[@judgecaligula5867]

He's a cunt

[@tagg]

@OnixTV Not surprising coming from someone whose icon is Peter Griffin...You say hero, I say ZERO.

[@DancinDane]

Welcome back, Bill! 👍

[@jVorensky]

One cannot help but to love Maher, and love Maher, and Love him lots!

[@talariswatts-el9832]

It's so good to have Bill Maher back! 👍

[@zomaarwat9]

Standing ovation redefined. Some audiences stand for anything.

[@devonbroughton6924]

Bout time 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@liltree8382]

You gay for clapping for another man

[@magnubeido832]

@@liltree8382 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@devonbroughton6924]

magnuB Endo he lame asf bro

[@cachi-7878]

Yay! You’re back, Bill! I was having separation anxiety...Happy Birthday, BTW!

[@IamSimoid7]

So glad you're back.

[@anjie8570]

Add to cart 🛒 Hilarious 😂 Missed you Bill. Glad to see you back.

[@jasperharris447]

BILL MAHER 2020 MAKE AMERICA LAUGH AGAIN

[@kimjonglongdong3481]

Steven Crowder make me laugh TRUMP 2020 WAKANDA

[@rcrbrewster7840]

*TRUMP IS going to win a second term* *Better get used to the idea now*

[@rcrbrewster7840]

@calistorich It Absolutely makes me happy. He's been making me happy that we never had to deal with Hillary ever sense he took office... And he *WILL* finish this term and get 4 more years... You limp dicks are outnumbered. . . You guys KNOW IT...

[@aurtisanminer2827]

Dont use that stupid slogan.

[@mickeyamf]

Vermin Supreme.

[@hawaiiusa6147]

Great to have you back, Bill!

[@phobosmoon4643]

Excellent!

[@stormwatcher59]

Fucken awesome monologue!!

[@kimjonglongdong3481]

TRUMP 2020 is awesome

[@Nathan-gd7xq]

@@kimjonglongdong3481 Thanks bot.

[@beckyguelette5114]

Forget collusion, I want to know if there's penetration! It doesn't get much funnier.

[@JoeyFiveandDimes]

The 'Tower of Bumble' and the 'Wall of Chiclets' . Just what a 'stable genius' would propose . I heard Uncle Fester Ghouliani now wants an 'Eerie Canal' !

[@hardway4475]

I didn’t hear what led up to it, so when the teachers union guy stood up, I ONE HUNDRED PERCENT thought it was Jared from Subway, and I’m like WHY ARE PEOPLE CLAPPING FOR HIM?!!

[@TurtleTimeVoiceOvers]

Melania came recommended by Amazon after purchasing his other foreign wives. “You might also like…”

[@pamelacass9642]

DJT has had only one other foreign wife (Ivana). Marla Maples was bred and born in the US.

[@TurtleTimeVoiceOvers]

Pamela Cass Thank you. The joke wasn’t about accuracy. The joke was a joke. I know this. I’m on my third book about Donald Trump. But again, thank you…

[@johnzaccardi526]

Jeff Bezos, owner of Amazon, sent images off his johnson to his girlfriend. What a dope.

[@dannyaikin1395]

@@pamelacass9642 notice you put 'bred' before 'born'...probably a typo; but also typical of right wing thinking.

[@dannyaikin1395]

@Shaken not stirred - Get the # for the Russian golden shower girls from your buddy, Trump!...if Putin answers tell him your buddy said, "hi!"

[@ElisabethArana]

Bill you are the one! It has been hard without you! So pleased you're back!

[@bru513]

Add to Cart, damn!

[@xadam2dudex]

He also saved the box she came in for when he trades her in for a newer model

[@katiekane5247]

@@xadam2dudex too bad he's too stupid to understand the operation manual

[@kateandgeraldsmith2711]

So glad you are back Bill!!!❤️

[@chaddeez8446]

Giuliani is the principal from Beavis and Butthead.

[@ffeffashgrove]

Bill, you were missed! Thank goodness you're back... we NEED you!

[@mooboo6603]

CLICKED ADD TO CART OOOOOOH BOOOOOM HAHAHAHHAA

[@tomzitting7452]

Very happy you're back

[@michaelladarkangelsparkle9908]

We've missed you Bill! -signed, the rebellion

[@evolvedape2161]

DARKANGEL SPARKLE “The rebellion” lol Larping child.

[@katiekane5247]

I'm rebelling against a government providing welfare to huge corporations & the 1%. They are fleecing us, taking our tax dollars & giving us crumbs!

[@evolvedape2161]

Katie Kane And how exactly are you rebelling? By supporting a corporate democrat corporate comedian on a corporate run and operated video publishing site? Your rebellion inspires us all, truly.

[@evolvedape2161]

Katie Kane Lol you’re going to vote? Or march? How about petition? Do you know what happens to real rebels? Why don’t you ask the confederates you seem so eager to emulate?

[@koolaidog3596]

Bill is not the rebellion. AOC is

[@InvestingForTomorrow24]

Simply fabulous. The only news show that gives it to Pres. Falsehood right in the chops. May Bill Maher be granted Sainthood, given the Medal of Freedom, and the Nobel Prize for Satire

[@AndiDuck]

I asked Alexa to list Trump's lies She hasn't shut the hell up in three days ! - Yard Sign

[@jashanestone]

Ha!! Good shit!! 😂😂

[@robert9ish]

That was gold. I literally laughed out loud. For a long time. Never had an Alexa, and it's sure not for me. Heard creepy stories from friends. We manage fine without that shit... Lol...

[@kimjonglongdong3481]

Alexa is sjw oh ish TRUMP 2020 WAKANDA

[@obligatecarnivore6774]

You will have to wait like 6 months after a chicken mcnugget clogs his aorta for her to shut up

[@lajudiajodona1212]

LOL😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

[@skynetprime82]

The truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth Mr Maher 👍

[@EvaFleming]

It's really irritating that KZbin gets videos of tonight's show uploaded before HBONow does. Half the reason we pay for HBO at all is Real Time, the other is Last Week Tonight.

[@Restrictted]

Because more people use KZbin. No one is really watching premium channels anymore. You can that k streaming services like KZbin, Netflix and Hulu. Besides premium networks make money off this platform as well.

[@EvaFleming]

@@Restrictted HBONow is not on cable or satellite. I haven't had cable or satellite for over fifteen years. HBONow is a streaming service just like Netflix and Hulu.

[@KeithCooper-Albuquerque]

It's great to have you back, Bill! Great monologue!

[@JARomero88]

"This is the family that needs to be separated and put in cages" 😂😂😂😂 preach bill!

[@anderswl916x2]

5:10 hell yea! Support teachers!

[@evolvedape2161]

Anderswl916 X Fuck teacher unions.

[@dailydanks6685]

Agree💯Bill, good to see you back✌️😂👍

[@NewMessage]

There's no way Donnie's anything but the bottom when he meets up for 'secret time' with Vladdy.

[@TheKaiTetley]

New Message. Trump is a bottom feeder

[@mimimarcus]

New Message, leave us gays out of this. It takes a strong man to be a bottom. tRump, on the other hand, is an insult to shit when he is compared to it

[@Sweeptheleg83]

Yup. Hes the hole and puty is the battering ram.

[@TheDawnling]

@@mimimarcus exactly, thank you!

[@firesign4297]

👏👏👏👍👍

[@soniajusino5357]

I'm so glad he's back. Don't get HBO but thank you, KZbin

[@kimjonglongdong3481]

HBO will be gonna soon

[@kravenbludd]

Nobody puts Man-baby in the corner! Awesome!

[@slugstucker]

Wow, in 6 minutes, 16 nose taps, from 1:20 into the dialogue to the end! That was some seriously good stuff you had back in the green room before starting the show, Bill.

[@Newylife]

WELCOME BACK!!! 😁😁

[@elsahelgason]

I’m so sorry to put you through today’s. Love from my bottom of my heart. Xoxoxo

[@EthanAnthony907]

add to cart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah wooooooow so true

[@sanigene]

Standing ovation. Just giving them away.

[@victorybeginsinthegarden]

there is a whole big prison in Guantanamo that we can use some new tenants

[@timothyehook4883]

@Masters Of Moore I thought that was a good, although brief, synopsis of who should be in the orange jump suits...do you think maybe if you had included the %90 of congress and the controlled media in there the tards would want to look into the facts a lil better?

[@victorybeginsinthegarden]

@Masters Of Moore Trump is the biggest crook in all the land what did Obama do there is enough room for the whole trump family except for Tiffany it pays to be the least favorite

[@kennyb9058]

"Add to cart" has to be one of the best lines of all time!!

[@thomasfoolery6786]

President Coulthier and vice president Limbaugh need to end the shutdown

[@hellfrost333]

What??!??!? Keep-it Shutdown; we don't tax theft and wasteful spending. (These people need to get real jobs and stop sealing from the American Public) Limiting Government to the essentials is exactly what this country needs- You're just upset, because Trump's like the Responsible Father Figure taking away your Teenage Credit Card.

[@EVIL-C]

@@hellfrost333 Wow... You're as disgusting and ignorant as chump. Essential Federal workers aren't real jobs? You'll be feeling the shutdown soon, kid.

[@hellfrost333]

@@EVIL-C Explain to me why the TSA can't be privatized? (Why do I need to pay a middle man that increases cost and infringes on our constitutional rights?)

[@hellfrost333]

​@@EVIL-C And more to the point- Why are you defending bandits & thieves? *Personally that's more disgusting than advocating for limited government; Taxation is Theft!

[@markrieck1048]

@@hellfrost333 If you're arguing from a Libertarian perspective, do you realize that there's no UNITED in the US under Libertarianism?

[@valpaz7837]

I missed you so much Bill 😍😍😍 So glad you’re back and you’re ON FIRE 🔥🔥🔥👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼

[@niallquinn9128]

Bill Maher speaks for the Establishment.

[@p.jessoncollins7296]

Welcome back Bill....

[@jeffperteet2327]

Trump calls "Running a business" haha!

[@ninaalfa797]

Bill Maaaaaaher I missed youuuu!!

[@gixellia8455]

'Forget about collusion, I want to know whether there is penetration' ... LoLoLoL ......

[@anatasiabeaverhausen7942]

Thank Goodness you are back, Bill. Everything is right with the world again!!...

[@synchronistory]

We're all fed up with this government shutdown. How 'bout a contribution campaign to help the federal workers and their families financially? #fedup

[@charleslbarnesjr]

Thanks Bill,I needed that!

[@julianbluefeather8491]

He should have Tulsi Gabbard on the show.

[@Astarath]

Love how you post the episodes up on KZbin for free. Now I don't need to subscribe to HBO Go anymore! Thanks!

[@BTCBlizzy]

FINALLY

[@kimberlys8422]

So happy Bill is back

[@dougcoombes8497]

Bill takes a break and the world goes to shit.... sorry Mr. Maher, but for the survival of our species you need to be on the air constantly....

[@4everspace]

Welcome back Bill! We missed ya!!

[@crookim]

If BuzzFeed is your source for news, you should just stop caring about politics.... And go watch some Kardashian crap!

[@heatherremlin8607]

HIP HIP HOORAY!!! SO HAPPY YOUR BACK BILL ♡♡♡♡♡

[@EllyValentini]

I still can’t believe Trump is President of the United States. Remember when the meant respectable individual? Gosh

[@ricardo950535]

I'm from NYC. WE can't believe it. We've read about Trump in the papers since the 80's. He's always been a crook. He rubbed elbows with the Italian mob. He has a gold toilet. He bankrupted dozens of small family contractors from here to the Jersey shore. In my opinion, greatest hustler of all time.

[@johnmckeown6573]

maybe present day america deserves him there is so much bile going around

[@mattblanco178]

+cuki-Face the funniest is his over sized suit and ties and his image to try to 'appear presidential'. the hair too. shit cracks me up.

[@kaylamannlein1923]

If I thought I couldn't appreciate Bill Maher's outspokenness to discuss what needs to be said bluntly, I have been proven wrong. I come from a family of educators from Idaho where education is undervalued to say the least. I am so glad that Bill Maher discusses the importance of taking care of our teachers in our nation. We don't need a wall, we need an investment in education.

[@CarolynsRVLife]

I never did like mushrooms...

[@s2mctaylor]

Missed you Bill... Welcome back... SLING BRING BACK HBO

[@brainflash1]

5:10 I think the whole world could use a few hits of whatever fumes Maher pumps into his studio every Friday.

[@nicocrestmere9688]

Watch him wipe his nose constantly, it's not fumes or smoke being pumped into the studio. It's always snowing at Maher-a-logo

[@hellfrost333]

Lol his audience is so dumb-

[@nicocrestmere9688]

@@fandomguy8025 ??? WTF does that even mean?

[@fandomguy8025]

@@nicocrestmere9688 Okay, let me ask you a question. Are you, a Trump fan?

[@nicocrestmere9688]

@@fandomguy8025 no but I am a fan of cocaine

[@therealomonike6964]

Yassssssss missed you Bill ❤️

[@kayrosis5523]

So how long before Melania and Baron are the only Trumps not in prison...

[@Beginstheman]

"Nobody puts MAN-BABY in a corner! He's like 'I'm not going to let some woman push ME around'... is Ann Coulter OK with that?" 😂😂😂

[@kathykelly5930]

thats lord emperor man baby to you

[@paulramos4037]

POTUS--PENETRAITOR OF THE United States

[@lachlanwelsh5880]

Penetraitor-EE 》 As-in he is the one that is Penetrat-ed... Trump ain't the 'boy' with Vladimir... (btw I dont care what you do... unless you protest too much)

[@evolvedape2161]

Paul Ramos Only when you don’t like him.

[@dasalekhya]

*the best collusion is penetration* ;--P

[@acb5908]

Vice-versa!

[@skynetprime82]

Dickbag trump: the DOTUS (dictator of the United States)

[@jacquelinebouldin8191]

Yay! Bills back!

[@troywalkertheprogressivean8433]

bill, youre way too soft and forgiving with any republican. wth🤨

[@hellfrost333]

+Trot Walker ~ You like-it when Democrats rob you of your income?

[@phoenix5054]

Republicans need not be forgiven. They never apologized for anything.

[@troywalkertheprogressivean8433]

@@4_everanime440 everything is political. i dont make it so. and you not making it political doesnt de-politicize it. yes, every repub and dem is to blame.

[@evolvedape2161]

Troy Walker You realize that to govern you actually have to work with those people, right?

[@evolvedape2161]

Troy Walker Then you, unsurprisingly, will not ever govern.

[@JazzyJeffRealTalk]

Glad to see you back Bill! 👍🏽

[@bluelion1995]

A lot of nose touching going on...a flu or a „flu“?

[@wynstansmom829]

a flu...gesundheit.

[@mattsutherland1240]

I was thinking coke problem....

[@Roy-G-Biv]

bluelion1995 and clapping

[@fandomguy8025]

@@Marriedandhappy4life Firstly, it's not going to. Second, the other side of America, the Democrats, disagree with a wall. Also it's funny to see you Trump nuts projecting. Ever notice Trump's sniffing?

[@Koftannaw]

Welcome back, Bill... Oh how we had missed thee :)!!!

[@wenderz2636]

Putin is definitely the top !

[@kittykat2396]

yeah right on top

[@helenaramirez-watson9885]

Thanks for supporting UTLA Bill!!!