I Am Alive

[@MoreRespawn]

My therapist told me that I need to share more with what is going on with me. I took that as it's time to share it with the internet lol I am doing this video for 2 reasons: The first is so people understand why I have been gone. Its not for sympathy, its just to answer the people who have reached out to me (Thank you by the way. Made me a little emotional with all the people who wanted to make sure some dude on the internet was doing alright). Second, I hope that I reach at least one person with this message. Help is there and to hell with the bad stigma that therapy gets especially for men. If you are struggling with something, ask someone for help. Hope you all are doing good though. If you have any questions or comments just put em down here and I will answer any that I am able to. Not sure if this video will stay up or eventually get nuked by me. In the end it is quite personal and I still struggle, even after months of therapy, sharing that type of personal emotion with anyone. Also, sorry for the rambling and the microphone adjusting noises. I had no intention of making this video, it just kind of happened last night. I stood up and recorded.

[@Raiders-wm5kb]

Happy NEW YEAR!!!!!! 2025 PGA 2K we back I hope

[@torvar1972]

i have depression , anxiety and ptsd so if you need to talk I'm here for you

[@DM_Viking]

I feel this. I'm in the military and I ALWAYS let the new recruits know that our mental health services are there for them. I'm open about using them. Your story sounds a lot like mine and I'm currently going through the same medication journey. I know about being lethargic in the morning, losing focus, all that. I just want to get back to normal if that's even possible anymore. I'm glad you sought help. Keep on keeping on!

[@dkingkingnyc]

Thx for the share brother. I had 1 attack many years ago and it was exactly as you described it. Thought I was done. Hasn't happened since, thankfully. Just try and breathe and take it slow until you feel better. You have golf fans out there who are on your side and look forward to more of your golf streams! You got this brother!

[@brianh395]

Just saw this and dude, this hits home so hard. I've had anxiety problems in the past and ended up on meds, then withdrawal, then I learned to cope with it over the last 18 years until recently and some medical issues with my neck triggered my anxiety big time over the last 4 months. I feel like I'm dealing with it better now but at the time, I couldn't go anywhere, could barely make it to work, I would have panic attacks multiple times a day. It's amazing how much our mind can make us believe things are wrong with us and then the fear of dying sets in. 100% nailed how mental health has a bad stigma with it. Mental health issues are as REAL as any physical issue and I believe mental health issues can be worse cause it's harder to fix. And for people who don''t understand what its like to have anxiety, they just can't understand why you can't just turn it off. New Years Eve of 2024, I literally had a breakdown talking to my wife about what's been going on with me and my anxiety. She was there for it the first time and is still with me but I haven't made it easy for her. I thought I was going to have to check myself in for a 3 day hold because I was totally coming unglued at everything. So in short, that's my experience with anxiety/panic disorders. I truly hope to see you back playing PGA 2k25 soon and wish you the best on your mental healing journey. It's not an easy road but we all can come out better than ever. I'll add this about medication. I was on Klonopin and Lexapro. My wife told me years after I was off of them, that I was a totally different person. I basically had no care in the world, I was just passing through my life blissfully unaware of anything or even how I was. No care in the world more or less, just there. The worst part of being on Klonopin for me was when my Dr cut me off cold turkey and I went through withdrawal hell which was 1000% worse than any panic attack I had ever had. Took me about a year to fully recover from that. With that said, I still believe that medicine if done correctly can be beneficial, although I haven't taken any since then.

[@MoreRespawn]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have also not had a great time with medication, but I have finally found something that I think is working wonders. I've told my family to keep an eye on me and tell me if I "change" at all because I don't want to lose who I am with medication. I hope you find something that helps you on your journey as well. Someone told me that all I need is a new PGA 2K game. And honestly, after making a video for 2K25 on my second channel today, they might be right. Felt like home doing that.

[@On3PmpW0nd3r]

This video took a ton of courage to make, let alone post for the world to see. I’m glad that you’re getting the help you need, therapy saved my life many years ago, and you’re right, the stigma associated with it needs to go away. This is the kind of post that should go viral, not some of the other nonsense out there. I can only speak for myself, but I’m sure your whole community would agree with me, and say that most of us are more than willing to listen and help you in any way you need. Please never hesitate to reach out. This video alone is enough to earn my respect and gratitude for what you’re trying to do in this message. But I also really enjoy all of your other content as well. Keep it up man!

[@TheApexHound]

Big props to you for uploading this video man.

[@MoreRespawn]

Thanks Apex. Golf+ soon brother

[@TheApexHound]

@@MoreRespawn Yes.

[@kennyrandall3199]

I've been there dude, been suffering with panic and anxiety for 20 years. Took God knows how much medication and been to countless therapist. The symptoms changed over the years but I am able to live a life now. It's not what I wanted before they started but I am living again instead of the agoraphobia taking over. Accept your anxiety and accept you limits. Don't push on bad days.

[@buldawg8694]

Had no idea man. Was starting to wonder until I stumbled upon this. I can't stay I know what you are going through, but I do have some experience as my daughter has anxiety. First off, glad you are ok and getting better day by day. Keep up with the positive vibes no matter what. I hope your message gets to as many people as it takes in order to help. Appreciate you and hope to you see the content soon!

[@nikbiebighauser1743]

I really appreciate you posting this. It’s the anxiety/mental health video us 30 something men need. It’s real, truthful, honest. Too many times were fed over produced, or fake feeling content about this subject that just don’t land. You make it relatable, respawn. Thank you for sharing, pulling for you man - I hope this reaches all the fat (pls catch my sarcasm) 30ish year old men who need to hear it. You’ll be back brother.

[@richnick1911]

It takes courage to tell the world our personal issues. We never know what others are going through internally. This is why we should always treat others with love and respect. It's hard, but each day waking up, I personally try and set reachable goals that make me feel good. I truly wish you the best, and thanks for reaching out with your meanaful video.

[@MrSKRobot]

Thanks for sharing your story dude. I've been battling anxiety since adolescence and didn't start trying therapy/medication due to a familial stigma about it. I'm so thankful that I finally broke out of that mindset and started getting the help I needed. I resonate with everything you said so much man, keep on taking care of you homie!

[@joshuablum2527]

Thank you for your strength and honesty✌🏻❤️Hoping for a path to wellness ❤❤❤

[@callumdriver5886]

Its very refreshing to see this video. Im sorry you live in a country where you have to decide between money and health. I live in the UK and i was fortunate enough to seek help free when my anxiety started kicking in. Mine got real bad over covid but what i noticed was that it attacks everything you love because that's whst you fear not having available, for example mine was flying (which i used to love) but i found a way to be anxious about it. Eventually, much like yourself, mine got so bad i started medication and the side effects can be awful to start with but they got better over time. I really hope whatever you're dealing with becomes manageable for you as soon as possible. Gradual exposure is the best therapy for your streams imo. Do like a half hour stream, then an hour etc. Hopefully this helps when you're in a space that you feel ready to get back into content more. Thanks for posting a video of this nature and i hope you have an awesome Christmas. Please remember that there are many people like you and every day is a new day. Its incredible just how much a day can make a difference

[@MoreRespawn]

Yeah, healthcare in America is a crap shoot. Maybe someday it will change. I started doing little Discord streams last week to get myself accustomed to just streaming again. Thanks for the kind words and hope you have great holidays as well.

[@wobekillin9991]

You were one of the few ppl I thoroughly enjoyed watching, one of the first pga steamers I really enjoyed watching and respected… hope to see you back killing it and making good content but more importantly take care of yourself man we ain’t going nowhere that’s for sure we just want to make sure ur good man pray for good vibes brother!

[@jeffreywright2861]

I’m proud of you sharing. I too have struggled with anxiety for almost all my life but it was always manageable, until about a year and a half ago. Full blown attack, hyperventilating & an ER trip. None of it made sense & I was in constant fight/ flight mode. Time tends to help, acceptance and healing too. For logical people like us, anxiety is hard because we can’t outsmart it… it’s illogical in nature. Keep fighting and remember it’s never as bad as our minds tell us it is. 💙 Either way, please reach out if you (or anyone) want to talk. I’m always available to chat with anyone who struggles with this.

[@MoreRespawn]

I've never thought of it that way. I am highly logical, so I struggle with the frustration that comes with that. Anxiety being illogical brings the most frustration. Now, same with my ADHD. It cuts into the logical portion of brain so maybe that is what I am struggling with when it comes to it. Something I'll need to explore

[@jeffreywright2861]

I’m right there with you, I’m always trying to “solve” the anxiety and it just doesn’t work that way. My therapist also likes to remind me that anxiety is a spectrum. I would go a few weeks or months not feeling much of it and then *BOOM* it all came rushing back and it felt like no progress was made at all. But, it’s a spectrum and there will be ebbs and flows, highs and lows. It’s a handy reminder that when I feel my lowest, it’s not forever. Proud of you man, keep fighting it.

[@Kilbride10]

Terribly sorry to hear about your struggles. Extremely happy to hear you seem to be on the right trajectory. It takes a ton of guts to let everyone into your personal life like this and a huge props to you for doing so. Your message will certainly resonate and undoubtedly help others. 🦾🦾🦾

[@MoreRespawn]

Thanks man. Hope you are doing well. Excited to see everyone back on the PGA streets next year with the new game.

[@Falcons8455]

Love you and your videos! I'm dealing with similar issues and seems like tons of others are as well. Social media has made everyone so isolated compared to how we used to be as a society. Therapy is great for men, but in my experience, it feels like most therapists are geared towards women. Not all, but most therapists I've had weren't very helpful. Luckily my family is therapuetic for me. Ultimately I feel most anxiety is due to insecurity that we have and we need to build up confidence. We are way better than we give ourselves credit for. I love your videos because you always have great insight and a more serious/mature approach than these other creators. You could genuinely be a good sports announcer.

[@MoreRespawn]

Thanks Falcons. I will say that the therapist you get is very important. It is important to meet with many therapists if needed. Meet with one, if you don't work together, find someone else. In the end it is a service and you are paying for it. My current therapist is great. It just took a couple to find her.

[@Jambbie147]

Best of luck with your continuing treatment, hopefully you keep making progress and kudos to you for having the balls put this out there. I'd recommend (to anyone) watching anything to do with the power of smiling, and breathing excercises for anyone suffering with anxiety. There are great techniques out there that really help . I'd also highly recommend walking or running if you're able. Best of luck again pal.

[@MoreRespawn]

Breathing exercises and grounding statements have helped me so much during a panic attack. It's amazing how the box method of breathing and a simple statement of who I am helped bring me down. Brains are weird.

[@Lennox032]

I was literally watching one of your older EA videos today, watched your streams before, really brave of you to share this! take it easy and try setting little goals you'll get there step by step!

[@bpm982]

Appreciate the vid, and the admittance…it’s all about you helping you, glad you’re taking those steps. There’s a lot of respect for the gaming ideas, play, and how-to you’ve given us over the years. Now, keep kickin’ a$$, even if it’s your own…I respect you for being you. Sending digital love to ya Respawn…keep on.

[@calebthebraveone7463]

Hey respawn, appreciate you brother! Thanks for sharing and updating us, and wish you well on your journey!

[@mrazcsideprpht]

The medication journey is so true. Was on several different ones. Therapy and being on the meds allowed my anxiety to subside enough to be taken off the meds. Everyone is different and I hope everyone listens to your message.

[@Juppies]

Thank you for sharing brother, I hope your strength continues to grow. Just like you said, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Pace yourself however you can that positively helps you, and comeback when you're ready. Fighting!

[@peterthethird]

Thank you for sharing. Everything you said I’ve been through and go through from time to time. Keep working on yourself and feel better! Best of luck to you man. 🙏🙏

[@BuzAuken]

Thank you for sharing this. Proud of you. Everyone should see a therapist whether they feel on top or like crap. I lost interest in video games years ago, and I only play PGA. I love your content.

[@scubieroo05]

Thanks for sharing. I too have delt with this in my early to mid 30s. Like you I was sure something was physically wrong with me but nope just anxiety. Pills helped with the panic attacks but now I thought I was just super lazy but maybe like you it’s the medication messing with me. I definitely feel that I have no motivation to do so many basic things now. Thanks for the share. Hope you continue to improve

[@MoreRespawn]

Definitely talk to your doctor/psychiatrist. It could absolutely be the medication you are on. Some medication works a little TOO well

[@albert7726]

Gutsy effort to share....I experienced the same issues started a few years back and you have to manage this ongoing for the rest of your life.....good luck for your journey

[@BubMan28]

so nice to see/hear from you dude. Missed your videos but glad you're doing better and trying to get better. As someone who suffers from severe anxiety i completely understand. Panic Attacks/anxiety attacks are not fun.

[@MoreRespawn]

Wouldn't wish then on anyone

[@blade7658]

Making this video and posting it shows how incredibly strong you are. You may not always see it, but is in there. Keep doing the hard work and when the time is right, I look forward to enjoying your content in the future.

[@BassistOfficial]

Much respect to come out and talk about this man. Not an easy thing to do. Wish you all the best in your journey back. We've had our issues but I'll always be rooting for your well being and success my man. Take care

[@PokerStaples]

Pretty similar experiences for us brother. Good stuff and all the best

[@MoreRespawn]

Hopefully, you are working towards a healthier you.

[@dratx3106]

Thank you and proud of you for sharing. I had a terrible panic attack years ago when I turned 30. Wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It was the most dark feeling I’ve ever experienced. Drinking was my trigger. Happy to say I’m 5 years alcohol free this year. Take all the time you need to get right!

[@MoreRespawn]

Congrats on 5 years sober! That is huge and I'm sure your body thanks you.

[@Brian_R82]

Thanks so much for posting this. It really amazed me watching, for about 95% of this video you described word for word what I have gone through this year. I started having very major anxiety attacks in May of this year. Had never had them before. The weird thing is I never felt like I was stressed or worried about anything. It just popped up and felt like a heart attack. Ended up in the hospital twice in about 10 days. Just like your case everything single thing came back normal and fine, I am also a bit overweight and even that wasnt really a factor all of my levels looked good. I also had stomach issues as a result too. Since May of this year I have probably had 50 or 60 attacks, and probably 8 of them major. Get in the car and drive a mile down the road and then it hits. My hands and chest go completely numb and it feels like im seconds from passing out. The whole time I still have no idea what it is in my brain triggering these. One major thing I finally discovered, was a lot of my anxiety attacks were happening in the morning, or when i first woke up in the morning. Some theories is its related to Cortisol levels, and the one thing I was consistently doing is drinking caffeine first thing in the morning. So for the heck of it i started waiting a few hours before i drink anything with caffeine in it, and so far I havent had any more attacks. Has been a couple of weeks so far. Even though you dont know me I hope it helps people like me know exactly what you are going through. Until someone does go through this I think its possible for someone to understand what it entails. I really hope you find something that works so you can get your life back

[@Brian_R82]

I had my doctor prescribe me ativan that is the 1 thing that is kind of an insurance, if you have a major panic attack. The ativan will shut it down in about 15 minutes. Obviously not something you want to take a lot but I wont go anywhere without it just in case

[@R2B2YT]

Miss ya Respawn but you do what you need to, to get healthy....ive struggled with many of the same things....thanks for putting yourself out there....feel well soon.

[@djweyer09]

Thanks for sharing. Glad to hear you are doing something to better yourself. I hope you're in a good head space soon!

[@MoreRespawn]

Working it get there!

[@Thegiant99]

I was having similar anxiety issues and went to talk to my DR. I am now on zoloft and I am feeling alot better.

[@SimWithDon]

Thanks for sharing. Didn't know so much of this. You can do this.

[@WdawgSmith]

Missed your content man Hope you are on a path to wellness

[@dazonyt8094]

Here's hoping doing the video and sharing it helps you on the road to your recovery. Kudos for doing this.

[@mightybigman5484]

Really happy you were able to share this, hopefully this means you're on the road to recovery. Will be here to consume whatever content you put out, whenever that is. If you can hit a triple with Jorge Posada, you can do this.

[@Wvgrizz]

May God bless you and comfort you...

[@nobodyblues]

happy to see u back, cheers from italy

[@MrKingJavo]

Take one day at a time. Try to enjoy the moment and pace yourself. Anxiety is real bro! You’re not alone. It will get better for sure. Trust me!

[@MoreRespawn]

Anxiety is very real and very disabling at times. After months it is finally getting better to me. Taking life 1 day at a time for sure. Hope you are well and hope the business is thriving for you.

[@MrKingJavo]

@ Glad to hear bro! I struggle with some of that stuff as well. You’re not alone. Streaming and the internet takes a toll on us. Do what makes you happy and try not to stress too much. Making content is a killer. Same with games. Sometimes it’s better to take a break or completely walk away. Take care bro!

[@912jrod]

You just need the new 2k golf game lol.

[@MoreRespawn]

lmaooo you aren't wrong with this. Early next year hopefully!

[@912jrod]

@@MoreRespawn 🤞

[@northernassassin6056]

Good to see.

[@atglf733]

Missed you bro

[@MoreRespawn]

Slowly making my way back.

[@UhhhGerry]

missed you

[@Vilzuplayer_1_just_do_it]

I have both generalized anxiety and a severe panic disorder. They r in control mostly now cuz im using meds. When i had my firrst panic attack it took many hours to calm down it was the worst experience of my life.

[@MoreRespawn]

I feel you there. I also have been diagnosed with both of those. I'm glad the meds have helped you, I'm waiting for my right combination. It's been a struggle, but I can see the end of the tunnel.

[@Gerald1177]

Glad to see you are doing better. Hang in there and take your time to get healthy….speaking of health I hope your lion’s defense gets healthy before that playoff run……….take care buddy.

[@MoreRespawn]

Well, it's not looking too good on the Lions front now. Sigh

[@mikeyy131reacts]

welcome back

[@bmofano]

I vote for therapy, a better diet, and vacations. Stigma for talking about this stuff is long gone, specially at our age. Being able to talk about mental health is important, good job.

[@alanblasczyk1779]

Also, Merry Christmas Brother.

[@jamellen1]

cant wait to see you back my brother

[@MoreRespawn]

Coming back with a vengeance next year

[@coreyg25]

Bro, I appreciate your honesty and telling your story. I want to give you some advice that could change your life. I honestly am not trying to shame you are criticize what you have done so far in trying to resolve this. Medical doctors will not help, they will only prescribe medications because that's what they know and how they get paid. Therapists want your money so they are going to tell you you need therapy. I am telling you from personal experience and the experience of many people I know that have done the same thing, your diet is the main contributing factor to your anxiety I believe. There are many ingredients in the foods we eat that effect it with sugar is a primarily culprit. You should try the carnivore diet for a couple of months and see how that makes you feel. I bet it will make you feel way better, reduce or eliminate the anxiety and of course the added benefits of weight loss are great. This diet has been known to cure many ailments. I personally had anxiety as well as arthritis, headaches and now I do not have those things anymore. I have been on the diet for about 8 months now. I only eat steak, eggs, bacon and butter, but there are other variants of it that work just the same. I am just saying look into it, give it a try, I thin kit will change your life. No matter what I wish you the best!

[@UghhhAP03]

Brother is it possible you can make a video on I can get the Jordan shoes or any of the shoes on pga tour I bought the Jordan pack thinking it’ll give me the shoes but i can’t even find it and for a year I’ve been trying and can’t seem to find any info about it for PS5

[@Jr-zu3bh]

Welcom back, bud nicesee you back.

[@Cavacom]

it's hard to believe that the Detroit Lions are actually good and you can't even enjoy it. Please know that you are not alone and there are people who care about you and want you to get well soon. Hope to see you in better spirits soon. Go Lions!

[@timberwolf6395]

Ur a funny dude, miss your content

[@alanblasczyk1779]

Wow, Zane, I see you all the time on Steam, under different names, I assumed everything was fine. I am behind you brother. If you need a friend, I am here to talk. Know that.

[@MoreRespawn]

I'm so bad at changing my name all the time on Steam lol Gaming is still a good way to take my mind off things. It keeps me engaged so that my brain doesn't wonder to anxiety thoughts. I use it kind of as a form of therapy.

[@DevinKeptGoing]

Sounds like the enemy wants your soul but God won't let it happen because you're Chosen to eventually be a soldier for Christ. Thanks for sharing brother

[@scotlandinvestor7779]

Demonic attacks are real my G Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6

[@condescendingluigi]

Here's your algo boost, back to twitch pls

[@syntheticsylvie]

just saying, if your friends call you a pussy for going to a doctor, they are not your friends. period.

[@MoreRespawn]

I COMPLETELY agree. However, some men are still stuck in this mindset and haven't seen the way out yet. The more people who talk about mental health the better in my eyes.

[@alanblasczyk1779]

hi there 877-Cash Now