Monty Python - Army Protection Racket (w/ english subs)

[@MegaKnight2012]

"Watkins, are you a pacifist?' "No, sir, I'm not a pacifist, sir, I'm a coward"

[@robertclive491]

The most predictable line in the sketch which is why it's made fun of immediately after.

[@gallantcavalier3306]

“That’s a very silly line, sit down.”

[@gallantcavalier3306]

@@rex-up9ln “No, the whole premise is silly, not to mention it is very badly written.”

[@robertclive491]

@@rex-up9ln Any hack comedian in England could've written that, that's not why Monty Python were great.

[@Altinget]

​@@gallantcavalier3306 That's true. But it's still funny. 😂

[@robertmayfield8746]

'I'm a senior officer and I haven't had a funny line yet' 🤣🤣😂😂

[@lauriecook2399]

*it's only 'cause you couldn't think of a punch line*

[@derycktrahair8108]

Lower ranks do Comedy. Officers do Tragedy. Sir.

[@robertmayfield8746]

@@derycktrahair8108 Yes, what kind of senior officer he is, if he doesn't know that.

[@derycktrahair8108]

@@robertmayfield8746 EXACTLY. well done that man.

[@cv507]

you wouldnt vvänt sämsüng tv häppen tv yör... happkäppce döyöö -:-

[@bobdobalina838]

I don't know how many times I have seen this but I still have to watch it again and laugh. Thank you so much guys your humor is top shelf and timeless. Rest in peace Terry Jones.

[@Richardsalazar32]

😂😂11111 is ?a 😂is 11😂😂11

[@enkisdaughter4795]

And Graham Chapman

[@AdminAntitask]

same, Monty Python are my heroes and the have enriched my life in many ways, and I thank them for that.

[@GilbertdeClare0704]

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear ! Fings BREAK don't vey !🤣🤣🤣🤣Dino and Luigi make my sides hurt no matter HOW many times I watch this. Same with Dinsdale Pirhana, the psychotic East End Gangster🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.....DINSDALE ! ! !

[@davidekstrand8544]

“That’s it! This is getting too silly.”

[@u.v.s.5583]

- ARE YOU THREATENING ME, master Jedi? - Oh, no, no, no! - Whatever made you think that, chancellor? - The chancellor does not think we're nice people, master Windu. - We are your buddies, chancellor. We want to look after you. - It's treason then. The Jedis are taking over. - We can guarantee you that not a single star destroyer will get done over... for 15 bob a week.

[@Kris.G]

A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one.

[@veramae4098]

President F.D.R. paid off the Mafia to leave the harbors alone during WW II.

[@Elmasdrakosinfenixov]

This whole skit from beginning to end is a masterpiece. Loved every moment of it

[@harryselwind]

Most comic writers would think how funny it would be if the army operated a protection racket. Python have a couple of London-Italian spivs trying put the frightners on the British Army: soldiers, tanks, artillery, paratroops and all. Genius.

[@laurenceseale]

They'd probably get away with nowadays if they threatened to misgender a few squadies!

[@jimjam51075]

I think it's somewhat borrowing from the aesthetic of the Kray brothers.

[@anothertime1282]

@@jimjam51075 Who, of course, broowed from a long line of criminality. Except that they were not funny.

[@antediluvianatheist5262]

The imperial military IS a protection racket.

[@barneyclifton6402]

7000 infantry alone 😂

[@raypenny9013]

This is my all time favorite Monty python skit. Thanks for uploading this.

[@randymillhouse791]

Be a shame if somethin' were to happen to it.

[@raypenny9013]

@@randymillhouse791 I just hope that none of the divisions get done over.

[@randymillhouse791]

@@raypenny9013 "oops! somethin' got broken."

[@randymillhouse791]

@@raypenny9013 "Things catch fire Colonel..."

[@johnb1150]

We want to look after the sketch colonel

[@fabioernestotagetti5822]

Such a funny, brilliant, splendid idea to mix the English army with the Italian mafia 'Fires happen...things burn...'

[@arturocamillacci]

Too bad the Yanks got there first, striking a deal with "Lucky" Luciano and getting him out of jail in exchange with the Mafia cooperation with the allied landing in Sicily.

[@KneelB4Bacon]

_"I can guarantee you that not a single armored division will get done over for 15 bob a week."_ lol

[@u.v.s.5583]

"Aides? Give me Dino and Luigi Vercotti immediately!" (V.V. Putin. 2022/23)

[@melchiorvonsternberg844]

@@u.v.s.5583 Uhm... One of them is dead and the other one is 80 and retired...

[@u.v.s.5583]

@@melchiorvonsternberg844 They will still perform better than Russia's military, which isn't living or young either.

[@melchiorvonsternberg844]

@@u.v.s.5583 No sympathy for the Russians. Greeds from Germany...

[@kozmon0t]

how much is 15 bob? I never heard of a British King Bob, whose picture is on it?

[@briwire138]

A mate of mine was accepted into the RAF aged 17. On his first day, the officer asked all the newbies if anyone had decided not to continue. My mate put his hand up and came home. From then on we used to call him the Squadron Leader.

[@mike196212]

You never mess with The Colonel. He ALWAYS has the last word. lol.

[@ourladyofguadalupebotanica6732]

My favorite character through the series. "Stop the sketch - it's too silly."

[@JamaicanCastle]

"It's only because you couldn't think of a punchline." "Not true!"

[@tloco28]

One of the top 5 indeed.

[@u.v.s.5583]

Would be a shame if something happened to it.

[@gabespiro8902]

“Are you threatening me?” “Of course not, we’re extorting you, there’s a difference”

[@thexalon]

"The 'X' makes it sound cool" - Bender B Rodriguez

[@gewglesux]

0:14 that marching!! "15 bob a week , 12 and 6 8 and 6"

[@jhdgdyhi8]

You've...you got a nice army base here colonel...

[@johnb1150]

I never ever ever get sick of this stuff, when python was on form it was superb, the parody of British patriotism with cleeses narrator who then just undermines it all by diverting from what would normally be an intro to some top secret mission story to instead going to a sketch taking the piss out of army advertisements we still see today which promote how you can do all sorts of stuff if you join the forces but make no mention of the murder aspect and how terrible it really is and then that quickly followed by a parody of the Mafia who are offering protection to an institution that doesn't need protection with it nicely capped off by the colonel who became their way out of the sketch. All in the space of less than five minutes. Nobody today can write like that.

[@BRIANJACKSON-b9s]

Monty python is the funniest comedy show of all time love this sketch😂😂

[@tranquilthoughts7233]

"No, sir, i'm not a pacifist, sir, i'm a coward" Golden words

[@gasmmusic]

Our general public's not going to understand this, are they?

[@stravinsky1300]

One little nitpick: the Colonel claims they are extremely careful - so why on earth is he giving information on troop strength to a couple civilians? Must be because he couldn't think of a punchline!

[@randymillhouse791]

Army base strength is a general known. No, not the famous General Known from WWII.

[@ethzero]

General Known's general whereabouts was a closely guarded secret during the war from all but General Whereabouts, said Caption Dunno.

[@johnb1150]

Doesn't that just make the comedy more apt that a general is giving away troop strength to a couple of Mafioso?

[@AURON2401]

Because it's False Information. He's trying to make the army base look more operational than it really is to get more cred. Colonel must've been in the underground for quite a while to know that trick.

[@markh.6687]

@@randymillhouse791 My name is General Alert, and I'll be taking command as of this instant.

[@dackmont]

"Fings braik, dunnae?"

[@johnguthrie7141]

I think most sketches in that episode were stopped by Graham Chapman's colonel insisting that they were silly, including a back to nature sketch with everyone dressed in animal skins.

[@ourladyofguadalupebotanica6732]

Monty Python admitted that when they started they had trouble with closing off skits and transitions. Therefore props like the colonel and cartoons were tried. They turned out to have created the best transitions between skits in the history of sketch comedy.

[@matejpintar446]

​@@ourladyofguadalupebotanica6732ok0❤1

[@ash5834]

This is my favorite. Thanks

[@wx7fm]

I thought they were going to turn out to be insurance salesmen

[@user-oo8xp2rf1k]

That's actually the reality of the Russian army.

[@u.v.s.5583]

This British Colonel has much more tanks and paratroopers than the Russians though.

[@sugandesenuds6663]

Historically true, after the soviet union fell bases got visits from the mafia

[@rickrandom6734]

Not really. In Russia, mafia people are in charge of the army where they are stealing.

[@daanvos194]

Cold war

[@TheFightingSheep]

​@@sugandesenuds6663Yes, the CIA mafia.

[@Benderdonethat]

3:01 “It’d be a shame if someone set fire to them” 😂

[@drtobiasfunke11]

The best sketch ever

[@thomaskauser8978]

Krays!

[@smautomat]

Exactly!

[@ピカリFritzyBeat]

Don't let this distract you from the fact that he wouldn't appear in a frontal nude scene unless it was valid.

[@derkylos]

Well, of course there would be an exception for validity.

[@weeblelehmann466]

Michael Palin is genius for this! Actually, as I think about it....for alot of reasons.

[@mordechai-]

Classic, classic.

[@LaerrusUK]

For those who don't get it, it's probably better to watch the whole episode.

[@leondarcy7367]

500 tanks on ONE base ? The British army has maybe 200 in total nowadays

[@DeltaJazzUK]

Not true. Actually we've about 50.

[@goodshipkaraboudjan]

@@DeltaJazzUK Be a shame if something were to happen to them...

[@stalhandske9649]

@@goodshipkaraboudjansomething obviously has already. Someone didn't want to pay Luigi and Dino their very reasonable 15 bob a week and look what happened.

[@awittyusernamepleaselaugh7481]

@@DeltaJazzUK The UK has 213 Challenger 2s and 3,207 "Key Land Platforms". (Ie AFVs)

[@poopsmith6853]

​@@awittyusernamepleaselaugh7481afvs are not tanks. They're analogous to the role of armored cars in the past

[@kennethgarland4712]

Re the start of the sketch and the young recruit's reason why he wanted to join the army... Just recently (late 2024/early 2025}, the British Army's latest recruiting videos feature as the real reason for joining up: (1) lots of lovely sport; (2) learning a useful trade (electrician).

[@tede299]

"Nice Army Base you got here... Be a shame if something bad happened...😅😂

[@davidquirk8097]

It's good to be reminded that not everything Python was funny. There were a lot of quality pieces but this wasn't one of them.

[@Yngvarfo]

Looking at this, I wonder if this was two separate sketches, one written by Idle and the other by Palin and Jones, that they then decided to put together.

[@JMB86]

I can see how WKUK took a page from Monty Python's book.

[@davidrobertson5700]

Officers walked ? They get a chauffeur driven car for more than 10 meters

[@AmyWinehouse.914]

Did they come for the 5min argument or the full half hour?

[@josephinebennington7247]

It ended suddenly because the Python writers got in too deep and couldn’t think of a way out.

[@pops1507]

Supreme comedy.

[@MichaelDembinski]

Luigi Vercotti - looks and sounds like the prototype of Danny the Dealer from Withnail and I... "Very, very foolish words man. I'll have to give you a dose of medicine and if I spike you you'll know you've been spoken to. If I medicined you you'd think a brain tumour was a birthday present...."

[@alishademmery3581]

Brilliant

[@johannesbergcrantz]

Bwahaha, this was a new one for me 😂

[@ksrmk]

fings break, Colonel,

[@grokeffer6226]

This was very silly.

[@johnwayne8494]

Honestly it's not that far off in third world armies....

[@zacharyboni1118]

Semprini.

[@Lattamonsteri]

Right, what's all this then?!

[@zacharyboni1118]

@@Lattamonsteri Nothing, officer! I swear!

[@Zzyzzyzzs]

OUT!

[@painkillerjones6232]

Semprini?????

[@MrDannMann]

My hovercraft is full of eels!

[@davidrobertson5700]

Go tell the Para's they might catch fire. I double dare you

[@gettyz]

15 bob is maybe 3/4 of 1 pound. Haha.

[@gewglesux]

whats that "8 and 6" is the some kind of new math?

[@malcolmdale9607]

@@gewglesux eight shillings and six pence in old money - about 43 pence today

[@gewglesux]

@@malcolmdale9607 Thanks!! I was curious!!

[@tolfan4438]

I wanted to see the cartoon

[@fredflintstoner596]

Mrs Richards: "I paid for a room with a view !" Basil: (pointing to the lovely view) "That is Torquay, Madam ." Mrs Richards: "It's not good enough!" Basil: "May I ask what you were expecting to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window ? Sydney Opera House, perhaps? the Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically past?..." Mrs Richards: "Don't be silly! I expect to be able to see the sea!" Basil: "You can see the sea, it's over there between the land and the sky." Mrs Richards: "I'm not satisfied. But I shall stay. But I expect a reduction." Basil: "Why?! Because Krakatoa's not erupting at the moment ?"

[@johnb1150]

I think you want the Fawlty towers videos, this is Monty python so totally irrelevant...

[@fredflintstoner596]

@@johnb1150 NO I DON'T SO JUST PROVES HOW STUPID YOU ARE SHERLOCK !

[@Jon77Levy]

@@johnb1150 It's not "totally irrelevant"... it's just "something completely different"! Ba-dum tshhhhh...

[@johnb1150]

@@Jon77Levy well done on the laboured reference, I duno why people plaster great slabs of dialogue on these pages, he doesn't make any comment about the vid and then quotes another show of which we know the dialogue too, pointless.

[@emillyyelen5169]

@@johnb1150 dont be so anal ffs...

[@markallen1782]

When you needed 10 seconds to get the film projector up to speed..

[@mikemesser4326]

Huh, the Colonel missed out on a great opportunity. For a mere 15 bob a week, the mafia would have been bound to protect the Army from any attack. It IS protection after all. Right? Even the coward would have liked the idea. The protection racket would be sent to fight instead of him.

[@caseytaylor8093]

E-4s getting brave

[@lookhear49]

Fings break, donnay?

[@JimTimber]

Ha ha ! ..superb !!

[@AmyWinehouse9and14.]

Too silly.

[@damocles8417]

The Kray twins?

[@CailenCambeul]

I was intending to make a comment on this video, but KZbin has banned me from making comments. Sorry about that, chaps.

[@J-Loe]

1:31

[@garthb5139]

I like to think this was inspired by Heller's Catch-22. Milo Mindbender in particular.

[@o00nemesis00o]

Was that, "you have to be insane to want to be a soldier, therefore seeking to be relieved on grounds of being insane is proof of sanity"?

[@glen1555]

He arranged for the air force to bomb their own airfield, then sent the Germans an invoice for cost plus 15%, no one on either side got hurt

[@Lupinthe3rd.]

hi

[@scumbagmournblademumford2649]

Army exercise always Papillon like 1975 The Godfather

[@censorduck]

it's funny that this pretty much actually happens in russia.

[@artificialanimeuniverse5063]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@dottieobrien2606]

God. Ch

[@Zaradeptus]

This is literally the Russian Army

[@user-oo8xp2rf1k]

That's exactly what I was thinking .

[@thichinhphan4010]

Is it? I've seen videos of youtubers showing foreign men being surprised and complaining that fighting for Ukraine is far more different from playing CoD. They even said it would be lucky to return home safely instead of dying in Ukraine. 🤔

[@JohnyG29]

Why provide subtitles in the same language they're speaking? Utterly pointless.

[@malcolmdale9607]

in case you are deaf?

[@JohnyG29]

​@@malcolmdale9607What?

[@deanronson6331]

I'm a Python fan, but I always thought breaking the dramatic reality device had been overused and looked like a cop-out.

[@michaellavery4899]

No it hasn't.

[@deanronson6331]

@@michaellavery4899 Your eloquence is stupe(d)fying. Let me guess your answer: "No, it isn't."

[@michaellavery4899]

@@deanronson6331 It could be.

[@lastburning]

Agreed. Breaking the fourth wall is easy. Meta is easy.

[@wehosrmthink7510]

In 1970, 4th wall was very rare and therefore NOT overused at all. Maybe in 2023. Context.

[@seanmccabe5121]

The way the mafia guy looks at John Cleese!

[@Applecompuser]

Chapman reminds me of what a British WW2 might have been like.

[@Cj-ou8jq]

0:20 that was the WORST to the rear ever!!!

[@cster9261]

500 tanks? A British tank regiment is usually about 56 tanks

[@taunteratwill1787]

The colonel was right, this was very bad written. 😎

[@hellomoto2084]

"unoccupied britain " well since when was britain occupied anyway in ww2 ?

[@melchiorvonsternberg844]

The channel islands...

[@lastburning]

A lazy way to end a sketch. Meta is easy. It's easy to break the 4th wall. The other way, is hard.

[@zlatanibrahimovic8329]

its only because they couldnt think of a punchline

[@shannonkohl68]

@@zlatanibrahimovic8329 Which is a big part of why this sketch is terrific. Even the great Monty Python could not think of a punchline every time, and they weren't afraid to admit it on TV.

[@mikhailiagacesa3406]

Are you sure this sketch is about the British Army or the Soviet Red Army?

[@chuffmunky]

Set it in Russia and it's a documentary not a comedy sketch

[@ulfpe]

Its like Prigozyn and Putin

[@yermanoffthetelly]

This is pretty much what the Wagner group did in Russia 😂

[@antispindr8613]

They were going to attack Moscow - but ran away when things did not go there way

[@tbrasc0]

This is like life in the Russian army before the invasion of Ukraine.

[@artey6671]

I don't get it. What's supposed to be funny about this?

[@effingsix3825]

Ukrainian colonel is visited by the west and then the Russians…..

[@Rapture_Ready_Rabbit]

## TIME HAS RUN OUT !! John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. Don't ignore this message... REPENT NOW !! TRUST that God raised Him from the dead !! By FAITH accept JESUS's blood alone as payment for your sins unto Salvation, to escape what's about to happen !!

[@malcolmdale9607]

Believe whatever nonsense makes you happy, but don't try to ram it down my throat please.

[@Rapture_Ready_Rabbit]

@@malcolmdale9607 Firstly Malcolm, it's NOT nonsense and how dare you disrespect proper traditional Chrtistian beliefs in a country built on the right to freedom of religion. Secondly, pretty soon you will find out just how REAL it all is. But for you it will be too late. Thirdly, nobody is ramming anything down your throat - you can skip reading comments whenever you like. What's amazing is that you felt compelled to have YOUR say in response to an 11 month old comment. Seems like something struck a nerve there Malcom. Anyway, hey have a nice day.

[@bert-qu3iq]

​@@Rapture_Ready_RabbitI'd like to but the bit about eating his body and drinking his blood is kind of a squeamish thing for me. You see I'm vegan and I'm wondering if you have a version in say, tofu and Gatorade maybe? And Judea's kinda hot and dusty. And nails thru the hands and feet? Really? If you moved it to Cancun, with happy- hour margaritas and nachos, I'd be interested.

[@Rapture_Ready_Rabbit]

@@bert-qu3iq Be careful.... The Holy Bible says in Galatians 6:7 "Be not deceived; God is not mocked"

[@bert-qu3iq]

@@Rapture_Ready_Rabbit I dunno, God seems like a cool dude. Kinda guy you'd share a spliff with and a six pack of Stella. Y'know what pisses him off though are pompous, holier-than-thou, bible thumpin' hypocrites who think they speak in his name and are so weak willed they can't even enjoy the life he's gifted them but think they deserve an afterlife paradise. I'm not mocking him, dimwit, it's you who makes my skin crawl.

[@danielfournier735]

Not ! Comical not ! Entertaining. Lame ! Nonsense ! With fake laugh tracks or people laughing that don't know any better.

[@Hereford1642]

Yehhhhs. Nohhnseeense. Naughty naughty nonsense. Come along Eccles, let's get out of here.

[@u.v.s.5583]

It is extremely poorly written, but the playing is even worse. This sketch is too silly and should have been cancelled. Also, it does not have a punchline.

[@mikevanroy9356]

E-4 Mafia be like this.

[@markh.6687]

I've used some of the brother's lines in other video comments. You, ah, might want to find those and read them. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you....

[@markdavis7397]

When I read the title, I thought it was the army engaging in a protection racket. That seems like fodder for a skit, because it is kind of true (you give army funding, they are supposed to protect you).

[@doodemog]

Why is there subtitles in English, there speaking the damm language

[@pavelsarneki354]

I like it. For over 40 years I thought the I tides name was Fercotti!😮🇬🇧🤓😎✌🏻🇺🇲😂

[@pavelsarneki354]

Besides the general public wouldn't understand it!

[@Millbrook1974powderedwater]

It's for the blind.

[@christophermcdougall8811]

@@Millbrook1974powderedwater Lol I think you mean the deaf haha

[@Millbrook1974powderedwater]

@@christophermcdougall8811 This is Python....