Ms. Velma's Most Incredibly Magnificent Christmas Week - The Cinema Snob

Like if an insane asylum put on a Christmas special in the same universe as Fun in Balloon Land! aka "Ms Velma's This Is Christmas in America." *note, be sure you're not listening to this in mono.
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[@snipelfritz]

"I am the cow. Moo. Moo. Moo!" I love how that line is read like the person had absolutely no idea what the next word would be.

[@crimsun7186]

Because you can't top "I am the Raccoon!"

[@snipelfritz]

Haha. Yes, the famous nativity raccoon, known for eating the Baby Jesus' garbage. I imagine they just didn't have any other stuffed animals laying around and said "Fuck it! This will do."

[@SirChubbyBunny]

Moo...moo...

[@noahkarpinski1824]

snipelfritz We bought this thing at Walmart for $5! If we don't use it we just wasted a third of our budget!

[@gunmunz]

I'd be off if he went Meow Meow I am the cow

[@juannunez5767]

You know you're in for some shit when IMDB won't go near this thing.

[@mindlessgonzo]

+Juan Nunez (Faded Endless) It has a goddamn page for the Max Headroom broadcast intrusions from the 1980s!

[@XenRiddle]

+mindlessgonzo Just searched it up. I can't believe it exists.

[@mindlessgonzo]

***** confirms how weird this shit is.

[@MrJohndoakes]

+Juan Nunez (Faded Endless) There is a lot of stuff that didn't make the IMdB "cut", mostly due to being incredibly obscure. This is one of them. Allegedly people in Los Angeles have "warm memories" of seeing this every year around Christmas on one of the UHF stations.

[@XenRiddle]

+Juan Nunez (Faded Endless) Well, it finally has an IMDB page. One of us Snob viewers must have put it there (I didn't). It's pretty bare bones, but there's at least one review there: www.imdb.com/title/tt5225868/

[@docdave15]

To quote Krusty the Clown, "What the hell was that?!"

[@Crrrow]

@Brian Hebert I.. AM THE BULL.... BLEEEURRRRGH!

[@MrBofinn]

"KRUSTY WANTS OUT!"

[@DivideandConquerCichlidKeeping]

Featuring more of Ms Velmas magnificent staging and costumes - oh yeah don't forget the indian dance and a crazy bitch firing live ammunition on a high school stage.

[@kyleshiflet9952]

@@DivideandConquerCichlidKeeping and can't shut up about government and religion

[@devonholden6292]

Anyone else read this in krustys voice?

[@lordthenightknight]

If Bioshock Infinite had an expansion where it was Christmastime in Columbia, I bet the pageants would be something like this.

[@bluecoin3771]

And they would have the Old Man Winter Plasmid.

[@rainer5212]

"I... am the songbird.... caw.... caw...."

[@johnpatterson4816]

@@bluecoin3771 Not to mention Harold and Kumar and Cheech and Chong

[@bluecoin3771]

@@johnpatterson4816 Reminds me of when I insulted Comstock by calling him Father Cornhole, and then Cornholio, and then I imagined his voice actor saying "I need TP for my bunghole".

[@crimsondynamo615]

This is Christmas in Columbia!

[@YamishiMizuandDracus]

That's not what a raccoon would say. A raccoon would say "Most of Miss Velma's ministry is soooo stupid!"

[@DemonFoxAkira]

Oh, Wabuu, you cheeky bastard! XD

[@CandyHatsuneWolff]

What the Damn Hell? (TM)

[@crimsondynamo615]

Heh heh heh heh

[@CineMasterDamian]

MAH GAWD!

[@CandyHatsuneWolff]

...for you.

[@Ukiby3000]

It's been over 5 years since I saw this review and I'm still trying to figure out what was the racoon's role in the nativity.

[@crimsondynamo615]

Wabuu was there trying to stop it

[@cgimichaelmyers2806]

Raccoons didn't even exist in the middle east as well so why did they even include it in the satanic muppet nativity play?

[@Triceritrozer]

You know... little trash prince

[@CandyHatsuneWolff]

@@crimsondynamo615 "Most of the Nativity is sooooo stupid!"

[@kenthuang436]

Too bad there was no cat there to say “I can’t find my damn hairbrush!”

[@dragonkings01]

This is the kind of crazy shit a murderous cannibal family would have on the TV during a holiday horror slasher film.

[@dragonkings01]

Yeah this movie or whatever the fuck it is is just too painful to watch

[@thehoosierfortheUK]

Or some police drama/thriller where they're finally arresting the most wanted murderer

[@phantomzone2725]

So this is Leatherface's favorite TV special.

[@SirChubbyBunny]

It's a favorite of the Firefly family!

[@Malkmusianful]

"I pair this with a fine wine and the legs of my victims." - Capt. Spaulding

[@LabMatt]

To be fair, unlike Fun In Balloon Land, no one tried to molest anything in this movie, including children and balloons.

[@dennett316]

+Lab Matt That messed up animal song kind of molested my ears....I think that counts.

[@SergeiMosin]

+Lab Matt Pretty sure some of the barnyard animals were molesting the scenery... and the people handling the puppets were probably molesting the props... which is literally the only way I can explain how the hell they came up with those noises

[@IFZEX09]

The minibus seem to be molested

[@daniexists6]

+Princess Celestia Or me. But then again, why do you think I have 420 kids.

[@daniexists6]

***** Yes.

[@Jaytheradical]

"An evangelist from Los Angeles" is a pleasing phrase.

[@MisheardMetal]

I didn't think the mom from Carrie could get even crazier.

[@crimsondynamo615]

Misheard Metal this is actually Christmas at the White’s house

[@michaelmalfaro3746]

This is what would have happened if she was a better mother and exploited Carrie's powers for money, then Carrie went off to do her solo career.

[@jacksongibbs8998]

@@crimsondynamo615 It is? Then where’s all the meth?

[@JohnPatterson-kz8jr]

​@@jacksongibbs8998Firing off her guns indooors,is she channeling her inner Annie Oakley or Calamity Jane??😮😅

[@JohnPatterson-kz8jr]

Between Ms.Velma's Christmas and a Madea Christmas,it's enough to make even Kirk Cameron celebrate Festivus or Saturnalia over Christmas!!😮😅😊

[@maugos]

What happens when crazy people with lots of money decide to tell the rest of us how we're supposed to think.

[@EarFarce4]

+maugos Modern media in a nutshell?

[@matthewensign9683]

+maugos What happens when the general public with enough income to afford a computer attempt to solve real problems instead of arbitrarily complaining about them on the internet?

[@baz5042]

You get Kirk Cameron.

[@JulioCCruz]

You get Christmas in America. Alabama, Alaska...

[@MarquisSmith]

Seems lots of money can't buy you a full sized bus. Damn.

[@natfox5150]

She actually said "to hell with being in alphabetical order" at the beginning when she said Alaska before Alabama.

[@jonathanriley1107]

Yeah, I'm kind of mad about it, since the alphabet and football are pretty much the only places Alabama ranks first, and I hate football.

[@a.jlewissonicski5278]

I told you she’s from the USSR not in the USA this is just brainwash that’s why! It’s Red Dawn!

[@johnpatterson4816]

This is like the Ungodly Love Child of Harold and Kumar and Fox News!!!

[@Nicolletta13]

I've never celebrated Christmas with cult leaders insulting Native Americans, David Cassidy's androgynous cousin, 40-year-old youth singers, and cow puppets.....moo.....moo.... ....and I don't want to.

[@joethehero2]

Given how she keeps repeating "This is Christmas in America", was she expecting this to be sent overseas? I'd love to see a student using this as the basis for his cross-culture class report. Reiji: ...And then Americans have their obasan dress up as Santa Claus, ride around in a mini-bus and harrangue them because some guy named Jay Suss dropped out of school and can't get a job in the court system. Teacher: Reiji... just stop... Reiji: But Mariko-sensei, I haven't even gotten to the part with the shooting or the talking animals yet.

[@Malkmusianful]

what about the hand organ

[@gracekim25]

joethehero2 oh my gosh 😅

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

@Brian Hebert Look on the bright side, at least he isn't talking about the frigging Dragons anymore...

[@luckystriker842]

@Brian Hebert Wasn't expecting to see a Dragon Tales reference.

[@SBox180]

Meanwhile just outside of Xandar: Groot: I am Groot! (Then the terrains have their leader lady, Ms. Velma, come out of the mini-bus dressed up as Santa, threatening a bunch of old people with firearms and claiming they beat their wives next to small trees). Rocket: Quill! Will you please stop sneaking Groot booze? He’s starting to scare me. Groot: I AM MS. VELMA! Rocket: ... Holy shit

[@dannytheman1313]

I feel like this is the closest thing Brad has ever come to actually doing a snuff film like you know someone was killed and or sacrificed right after they turned off the camera.

[@Jaytheradical]

+dannytheman1313 This show's had a lot of that.

[@Sovietnickie]

+dannytheman1313 Actually, Cannibal Holocaust, a film the snob already showed us, contained gore back when it was first released that people though the deaths in it were real. There is a brutal scene where a girl's ribcage is broken open. But a true snuff film? Yes this is pretty close.

[@BriGuyIL1980]

+Sovietnickie What about that one martial arts movie where it looks like a kid was a split second away from being disemboweled by his "tiger friend"? That was fucked up.

[@dannytheman1313]

Sovietnickie yeah but that was a movie and though it did make some monocles pop out you can tell its special effects (not counting the animal cruelty) this really looks like someone was sacrificed like maybe that was the reason the camera cut out because she took the gun with live ammo and shot the crew with with it.

[@Never_heart]

dannytheman1313 I feel like that black out section after she was standing before her cult and before the animals started talking had a sacrifice but it was cut to make it a family picture

[@zeddtheguru2882]

The "hand organ" made me nearly fall out of my chair.

[@javierrico1996]

The Amazin' Zedd It'd be both legitimately awesome and incredibly hilarious if she launched into an actually good 80s-sounding synth-rock version of Joy to the World on a keytar.

[@ginnrollins211]

I just saw that Stylophone in a record store in Utah. They even have a pocket drum machine.

[@DanaTheInsane]

Look up David Bowie and Stylophone. He may be the only person whoever ever made that sounds like a musical instrument

[@zeddtheguru2882]

@@javierrico1996 I'd pay money to see that.

[@johnpatterson4816]

In Vino Veritas.

[@Yukinoomoni]

THIS IS CHRISTMAS IN AMERICA.

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

THE DRONE MUST DIE.

[@ginnrollins211]

(gunshot) This is Christmas in America.

[@ryansmith3448]

this... .... .... eas..... .... .... chrasmas ean .... .... .. Amaaaricaaa.

[@TheBonkleFox]

@@ryansmith3448 (BANG) THIS IS CHRISTMAS IN AMERICA.

[@iceheart862]

Bandit Keth approved!

[@MeganKoumori]

Ms. Velma seems like the type of person who is convinced all of her ideas are pure genius.

[@LauraSquirrel]

Well, that's how it goes when you are drunk as fuck.

[@bluecoin3771]

That’s what happens when one stays in an echo chamber their whole life. Bad ideas go unchallenged and then become dumbass stunts.

[@cassia3363]

Bc they are, let's br real

[@JohnPatterson-kz8jr]

That's what happens when cousins marry!!😮😊😂

[@KellogsR-ny7ug]

I’ll drink to that!🍺

[@fatbuddy719]

I can just imagine someone asking "How can we work live ammunition into this show?"

[@BooDoug187]

I ask that question every time I do anything!

[@spookyrosev6467]

Totally Kyle Why? BECAUSE ‘MURICA THATS WHY!!

[@crimsondynamo615]

Miss Velma started the trend of indoor shootings in America

[@dancepiglover]

Probably started with a show using live ammunition and asked, "How can we work Christmas into this show?"

[@garyhooper3064]

@@spookyrosev6467 if you're trying to spell "MUSIC", you're doing a great job. Smh

[@EternalBooda]

"Portraying Delta Burke as a Russian nesting doll." Ah, Snob. You and your jokes that I can't explain to normal people.

[@DrGregoryHouseIT]

Quoting a Sage, 'Why are the most innocent movies spotlighted here the most likely to give people nightmares?'

[@epsilon9703]

This is the scariest thing he's ever reviewed, because this ACTUALLY HAPPENED!

[@Deadxman616]

what the hell are raccoons doing Bethlehem?They are native to North America

[@HouseCatTV]

+Deadxman616 "THIS IS CHRISTMAS IN AMERICA"

[@Deadxman616]

+Natalie Kirk But those other rejected Muppets were animals that were at the birth of Jesus. So unless the wood keep saying "I am Groot" then there are some serious logistical issues at play

[@BionicmanJCD]

i think there are racoons in europe

[@Deadxman616]

+Enrokor they were introduced to Europe and Japan

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

Noah's Ark-there should be raccoons in Mesopotamia (and none in North America).

[@GentleHeretic]

Not gonna lie- this is the first Cinema Snob film that gave me chills. It just feels... wrong-headed and creepy somehow. Ugh.

[@valritz1489]

She is. And... she will.

[@SirChubbyBunny]

Share this video in seven days or Ms. Velma will devour your soul.

[@jonathanwarrdddedcxddeecec4787]

Wrong headed? Never heard that term before

[@jonathanbethards3689]

15:55 So is she a nazi or an indian, I'm confuzzled.

[@Shaymin00000]

It feels like the kind of movie that a cult would put out immediately before triggering a nuclear war

[@trippjohnson7393]

I just imagine miss Velma ripping a man's heart from his chest, then lowering him down to a lava pit.

[@variable2102]

And the Bull goes...........Moooouuuuuahhhghhhhaaaaa...........

[@Darkshreaders]

and the giraffe goes AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[@kenthuang436]

The cat goes Pokhghhvvcxdgjhfcxxfghvbn!

[@Irondrone4]

11:50 I have the sudden urge to sacrifice a goat to the Elder Gods. 18:20 Nevermind. Ms. Velma scared all the Elder Gods away. She is CLEARLY the superior immortal.

[@AdaWongLover5]

That was amazing. I now know what it's like to be insane.

[@jacobmatthewcrawford2120]

This is definitely one of the most bizarre things Brad Jones has ever dug up. I don't have much to say other than... Its like if David Lynch decided to make a Christmas special. But I don't think even David Lynch has ever done anything this fucked up... I showed this episode to my mom. After it was done, she asked, "Why are you angry with me?" When she saw the Indian scene, she went, "No way!" I also showed it to my Grandfather. He had no idea what to make of this special, but he was glad I showed it to him.

[@SirChubbyBunny]

Even David Lynch would step back and go "what the fuck".

[@Crrrow]

Theres surrealism and then theres just batshit insanity.

[@johnpatterson4816]

Brad,you took the words out of my mouth when you said"No Wonder Butch and Sumdace Went Out Guns Blazing!!". Except I think they woulda gone after Ms.Velma instead!!

[@ariesdemiurge]

This was filmed in the warehouse next to the one Fun in Balloon Land was filmed in. The two directors agreed to it so long as Ms./Mrs./Dr./Lady/Madame/Mr. Velma let her illegitimate son, Little Sonny, share hot coffee with the director of FiBL. His katatonia-induced angst for years to come led him to legally change his name to Moreadeur and run away to Lumastad, Germany where he was adopted by a puppet store owner named Mr. Obiscar, and was driven mad by a puppet in a black robe Mr. Obiscar would use to prank Moreadeur. Thus, the legend of The Puppet Master's Regime was born...

[@Avnirvana1]

Thought this was legit for a second there

[@ChristopherSvanefalk]

I....am....the.............COW.....................................moo.................moooooo...............MO. That's terrifying.

[@crimsondynamo615]

Christopher Svanefalk it’s like the puppeteer was slowly dying and with pained breaths was trying to say the lines

[@baneh1329]

@@crimsondynamo615 Or most likely cant read

[@BlakouttheMM]

I think the funniest part of this is that while she was able to hire people to sing and dance and puppeteer, Miss Velma turned down countless mall Santas so she could play the role of Santa Claus herself in drag.

[@taylorscott9292]

So THIS is the special Kirk Cameron watched every year. Makes so much more sense now, still batshit crazy though.

[@ColetheAero]

Ha ! What do you know ? Brad found one of those 'lost videos' you read about in Creepypastas.

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

He died a week after viewing.

[@ColetheAero]

+Distracted Globe Productions Nonsense,if Nukie didn't kill him then nothing can.

[@Crrrow]

nah there wasn't an extreme emphasis on blood in the video.

[@Villagerbr0]

And Ms. Velma didnt try popping out of the TV either. But even then I wouldnt dismiss that from happening either. This shit is fucking wild.

[@ThatEphelGuard]

"Miss Velma holds the following degrees granted by the World Church University: Doctor of Divinity, Doctor of Science and Doctor of Physiological Botany and Dendrology." I'd love to know what she thought about that science stuff.

[@scitechian]

Dendrology is just a subset of botany. Why did the University that she invented have to make it an entirely separate degree?

[@crimsondynamo615]

@@scitechian she went to Big MT where they invented stupid science titles

[@KeybladeMasterAndy]

Believe it or not, there are Christian Scientists.

[@benjaminfalbo]

Can I classify this as a WHOLE LOTTA NOPE?

[@ColetheAero]

+TheHorror/WrestlingGuy1 Really ?........... As if there was any question.

[@fhb3]

I'd classify this as "What the FUCK, Hollywood?!".

[@Tareltonlives]

I really do hope Rifftrax finds this one, too. This is hilarious

[@andrewguerra9343]

Still better than the 2019 remake of Black Christmas.

[@crimsondynamo615]

I’m just imagining Kevin screaming the whole time

[@kenthuang436]

@@crimsondynamo615 I can picture one of the guys saying how they thought it was a different holiday in some random country every single time “This is Christmas in America” is said.

[@lhaviland8602]

You've heard of Elf on the Shelf. Now get ready for: Ms. Velma the Televangelist from Los Angeles.

[@TheWingless]

Brad, I've watched a lot of your stuff, man - so believe me when I say this is in all sincerity - No seriously, what was that?

[@GendoRokabundi]

This is Christmas in America. She said so many times.

[@sassynick5598]

Just a shitty local church play.

[@JulioCCruz]

I seriously thought this was going to be a snuff film when they showed the gun in the stage.

[@AuroDHikoshi]

+Sassy Nick Local Church Play with ambitions

[@NodDisciple1]

+TheWingless Drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.

[@juannunez5767]

9:13 I'm 90% sure that "Cow" is Godzilla with a silly hat on.

[@Septicman22]

I would take Godzilla with a silly hat on than the animals in this film.

[@mmeers89]

Looks more like a blue King Caesar

[@endergeek236]

The Mighty Moozilla! cheers to anyone who got the reference

[@Rocketboy1313]

The part with the talking animals just had me thinking, "We are Legion."

[@haruki456]

I looked this church up. I cannot figure out what this church actually believes. Except in a lot of bizarre pageantry.

[@Tamhvm]

Guys, guys, I have this weird fascination about this particular movie and the whole deal with the Jaggers. Hear this, according to the State of California public registry, Robin Lee is a *relative* of both Orval Lee and Velma M. Jaggers. Robin Lee was a male, born in '58 and died in '97 (39 years old). His mother's maiden name appears as Downs. Orval and Velma married in '57. My theory: Robin Lee is most probably Jaggers' son, registered as being born from someone else to avoid public scrutiny. I need to get out the internet for a while, this is becoming an obsession.

[@SpukiTheLoveKitten75]

Looked that up. Yup; It appears that the "Keith Partridge" wannabee in this special was their son. Considering the fact that Ms. Jaggers and her husband were FIRST COUSINS, that poor kid was a bit inbred. Considering that, the extreme religiosity and general weirdness, I wouldn't be surprised in Robin's passing was related to some sort of life of young rebellion or suicide. Of course, it's possible Robin could've died from disease or accident...so I can't really judge. Poor guy has to go down in history as "Kid who tried to be the next David Cassidy after David Cassidy was no longer relevant". EDIT: Read this comments thread further and someone filled in details.... Robin was a grandson (from a daughter from Orval's first marriage) that Vel & Orval took in. Robin died from AIDS.

[@smjaiteh]

Sees title. "This is a porno, isn't it?" Watches intro. "How is the porno suggestion not extreme enough!?"

[@weckar]

I love how the animals sound like they are seeing the script for the first time

[@harley-wp6xt]

She almost sounds like the lady from Fun in Balloonland.

[@Alfador42]

+kool'thuzad that's right!

[@docdave15]

+kool'thuzad Either that or the narrator lady from that Thumbelina film in Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

[@starwarsnerd100]

+kool'thuzad "This is the donkey. I think he's so gay!"

[@blyjd91]

+kool'thuzad Oh wow, she really does!

[@JulioCCruz]

"Stop fucking the balloons!"

[@CanaleAV]

Where is Nicolas Cage and his bear skin when we need him?

[@KellogsR-ny7ug]

It wouldn’t be wise to show up while there’s live ammunition going off on stage

[@sinancemcetin4060]

Brad, that's not an electronic football game, that's a stylophone! You can hear it being used famously on David Bowie's Space Oddity.

[@jessicaw9011]

omg! So I watched this last night, right? Today was a work day; I work in fast food in drive thru. And there's this one lady who has one of those little American flags that attaches to the top of your car door. So I'm going about my day, and after I serve her and I see her drive off, little American flag whipping about in the breeze, I think: "This. . . is Christmas. . . in. . . Am-murica." One of the best smiles I have ever given a customer, to the person after her. . . and I have you to thank, Brad. Thank you. For making my head hurt. It was actually worth it.

[@mniscmoney]

You know what? Mystery Science Theater 3000 was wrong. THIS thing is what would be a great companion film to Eraserhead.

[@Campbellzilla]

Manger Babies!? You're a fan of King of the Hill? I now have a whole new level of respect for you sir.

[@bluecoin3771]

Bwaaaaaah!

[@JodenPaoloPeroy]

Wtf. This is the closest “thing” that Cinema Snob reviewed that absolutely gave me the chills.

[@Tareltonlives]

This is a better Snuff film than SNUFF

[@MissAshley42]

It's like. . .it's like a Tim and Eric sketch became sentient and traveled back in time.

[@Bismuth83X]

I... am the cow. Moo... moo... moo... I... rely... way too much on... a teleprompter... for my... lines...

[@charlesm7215]

The scene with the hand organ is hard to watch. Without laughing, that is.

[@SirChubbyBunny]

It cracks me up every time I see it

[@vaarsuviusprime]

This what the bioshock writing team watched before infinite

[@justinanderson4361]

Thank you, Snob. You just killed my wife with laughter.

[@whenthemusicsover6028]

7:12 The director gave her two choices: She could take the blue tree, wake up from this dream and go on believing whatever she wanted to believe. Or she could take the red tree, remain in Wonderland and see just how far down the rabbit hole goes. Unfortunately, she chose both. -_-

[@Lukethefox]

I don't recall a Racoon being in the Nativity Story.

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

It's the Marvel Studios version with Bradley Cooper.

[@howdoiputthecheeseintheove8437]

+Distracted Globe Productions the marvel that made spiderman made a version of the bible

[@ssbbdudes]

You don't remember the Wabbu cameo?

[@wjzav1971]

Man, even by crazy Christmas standards, this looks like a different insane universe. I wonder what the production team was thinking with this....

[@talynhastime9343]

I've watched this twice already but I only just realized on my third viewing what Velma said about the Natives paying respect to Jesus. The Natives that aren't Christian are irreligious or believe in their own spiritual things..pretty offensive, not just cuz of the headdress but it's disgusting all the same.

[@bluecoin3771]

It’s a religion, it sees people as more additions to the collective hive mind.

[@geoffreyrichards6079]

I’m just surprised the celebration wasn’t called the 'native-ity'.

[@LibraGamesUnlimited]

Damn, if she would've just spun around a little faster she might've turned into Wonder Woman. :)

[@LibraGamesUnlimited]

Wrath's Attack Yeah something like that. Now I'm wondering what that would look like, Native American Wonder Woman. :)

[@LibraGamesUnlimited]

Wrath's Attack Oh 70's. I'm just glad I was too young to have worn the horrible, horrible clothing. :)

[@ramjet94]

More than likely she'd be Granny Goodness.

[@LibraGamesUnlimited]

***** Oh damn. That explains so much. It's actually pretty scary. This video she made must be either punishment or mind control, probably both.

[@Tareltonlives]

+Chris McWilliams Looks like she's trying to be Apache Chief

[@evilcam]

That chipmunk/kazoo song would probably drive just about anyone and everyone insane should they hear it while tripping. No doubt, it had a lot to do with why every other aspect of this was just batshit insane. They wrote a different christmas special, dropped some acid listened to to the chipmunk/kazoo song, and this came out as a result. One can only assume that they went on to sacrifice a virgin or two and make afterbirth pizza toppings to close the wrap party.

[@kenthuang436]

I think that was an actual studio recording of Alvin and the Chipmunks trying to sing some Christmas songs after having one too many cups of eggnog....

[@TheLadyBandit]

I heard "I am the Dog King". Anyone else?

[@Iamafishproductions]

+TheLadyBandit Is that what he said? That explains why all I heard was him telling the Son of Sam to kill people.

[@jimmycryptids]

The Lady Bandit... I know that name...

[@blackheartzerotheundergrou3225]

I heard "Dong King" so I guess he's saying he's Donkey Kong...

[@Bismuth83X]

+Rich Auntie Skeleton I originally heard "I am the Nöel King", which makes sense.

[@dancepiglover]

But it makes donkey sounds (which Brad plays at the end).

[@dancepiglover]

It's a Southern thing to put "Miss" in front of the first name to sound more formal than just the name alone. "Mrs." would go with her last time.

[@IndyFilmProductions]

I needed to see Miss Velma's Facebook fanpage, and they actually featured this video and was very positive about it! WTF?

[@bluecoin3771]

They’re clinical narcissists. They think anything said about them, positive or negative, is just everyone saying they’re cool. They’re like every reality tv show star ever.

[@tomjackson6077]

Why do I get the feeling that Miss Velma would be a BioShock villain?

[@bluecoin3771]

I’m hoping she’d be a villain we could actually fight and not just a “cutscene” boss. BioShock sadly became reliant on that trope as the trilogy progressed.

[@colinr0380]

Running around a crumbling facility as Ms Velma's rambling audio logs play

[@clown-cult96]

This feels like something you’d watch the Joker do as part of his latest grand plan to reduce Gotham’s population in one gruesome blow.

[@theheavymetalbrony2257]

I think that if David Lynch looked at this "movie" he would afterwards quote Krusty the Clown with : _"What the hell was that?"_

[@luckystriker842]

I visited the Segrada Familia in Barcelona once. It was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever seen, and it serves as a reminder of what wondrous things artists will craft in the name of the King of Kings. And then there's shit like this.

[@KellogsR-ny7ug]

I know…it surpasses even what you found in Barcelona!

[@Bismuth83X]

MISS VELMA IS SCARY, AND HER *_SPECIAL_* IS SCARY!

[@danwilliams1989]

This Christmas special looks like a low-budget snuff film.

[@tobiaschristopher6131]

Ms. Velma playing the hand organ is probably how she got this special in the first place.

[@colinr0380]

"It's kinda my thing, you know." - Ms. Velma to investors, probably.

[@thealchemist51]

“It is our duty is patriotic Americans to on earth every single one of Miss Velma’s religious specials” And years later we have failed because we’ve never seen another review with Miss Velma in it

[@BloodfelX]

7:37 Meanwhile, in Silent Hill. 12:02 'This stage show was performed before a ritually sacrificed audience.' 17:26 Holy shit, its the Incubus - this really is Silent Hill! 18:12 I was kidding god damn it!

[@BloodfelX]

8:24 I think I've found my favourite character. "Why the hell did you sound like a Labrador?" Drunk men can apparently do great dog impressions. 21:35 I'm pretty sure she just threatened to shut-down the US Government.

[@mastermarkus5307]

+BloodfelX She looks a bit more like the Incubator than the Incubus, but I was thinking Silent Hill quite a few times watching this.

[@LegoZelda]

BloodfelX iii

[@kenthuang436]

I’m just waiting for the camera to reveal the control room and show us that a dog was responsible for everything.

[@kamekadvance]

I've heard of people watching scary movies around Christmas, but this is going a little too far.

[@edgeyberzerker]

Ms. Velma saw Fun in Balloon Land and thought "I can make something more fucked up than this" Well played Ms. Velma... well played.... I hope someone sends you more of these bat shit insane specials. XD

[@sparrow420500]

I can't stop laughing!! This has got to be the BEST Cinema Snob episode ever!! Probably the funniest thing I've ever seen!! This kind of super obscure shit is why I started watching his videos

[@joshnickerson83]

Not sure if the worst Christmas special ever... or the GREATEST Christmas special ever.

[@kenthuang436]

How about Most Insane?

[@KellogsR-ny7ug]

Yes

[@mikethegrunty5968]

Jeez , Brad, how do you find this crap? Lol

[@RoseWaltz]

+Mike White I want to know. Does he go to flea markets and just ask people, "Hey, I need a tape. Try to break me."

[@mikethegrunty5968]

+Rose Redd lol I wouldn't doubt it

[@redactedredacted6656]

I was thinking from a shady man wearing a fedora and trenchcoat in a back-alley.

[@mikethegrunty5968]

+simone robson that's a possibility. I'm thinking something around the lines of the merchant from resident evil 4

[@Deadxman616]

+simone robson What dose Harvey Finevoice have against the snob?

[@AllisonDancerChick1982]

I only ask this after seeing RiffTrax Live, but what I just saw warrants this all-important question: What the hell did I just watch?! It's like found footage wrapped up in Public Access wrapped up in one of the dance recitals I did in the 1980s. I lost it when the bus "lost" to the crawl.

[@jedimarhwini948]

Whoever did the cow's voice sounded a bit like my grandma who passed away. Congratulations Brad, one of your insane finds almost made me legitimately cry!

[@KellogsR-ny7ug]

I thought it was Miss Velma herself

[@Septicman22]

The donkey, the raccoon, the cow and the bull are more creepy than the animatronics from FNAF.

[@Septicman22]

@BK Beatty Five Nights at Freddy's.

[@KellogsR-ny7ug]

I wish they sold them I could go around with them saying “I am the bull…bbbaaaaarrrfff…”

[@812558]

Was listening to Laurie Andersons "United States Live" and she started talking about this - I was totally shocked that I actually knew what she was talking about when she started talking about "Animals in holes in the ceiling talking about the manger"

[@Malkmusianful]

oh my god why in the shit is laurie anderson talking about miss velma

[@roringusanda2837]

I thought that last word was *manager...😦😬

[@KellogsR-ny7ug]

I still kind of wish they replicated the dolls and sold them I’d totally make friends going around saying “I…am the cow…moo…moo…(?)”

[@deadcrazy4199]

Watching this review has become a weird little Christmas custom for me for the past few years.

[@DonaldRilea]

To quote John Cleese as a slightly mad Englishwoman from the "Hitler In England" sketch, "No! No!! No!!!"

[@CazTheGamerGuy]

In the eternal words of Krusty the Clown: "... What the hell was that?"

[@KellogsR-ny7ug]

In the words of Ned Flanders “Thanks for stoppin’ by…”

[@NoShaveDaveBashe]

A DVD release?? This was on a DVD?You mean you didn't just tape it off public access?

[@HouseCatTV]

What even is this? This is like an alternate universe that we cannot possibly comprehend.

[@terler1272]

My Christmas tradition to watch Ms. Velma every year.

[@SuperFanboy101]

I'm sorry. This is Christmas where at again?

[@kevinthepilgrim]

That was CHRISTMAS IN AMERICA.

[@SuperFanboy101]

Ahhh! Thanks for that.

[@andrewguerra9343]

@@SuperFanboy101 I think she said Japan. *Miss Velma aims gun at my head...with live ammunition

[@miraprime474]

Mrs. Velma sounds wasted. All her words have a few too many syllables in them.

[@jonathanwarrdddedcxddeecec4787]

Pop Culture Primer nah she’s just a super incest demon who likes costumes and plays

[@dancooperfication]

John Waters: "FUCK. I give up. I can't top this shit!" David Lynch: "I know, right?!? This is fuckin' weirder than Eraserhead!"

[@SpukiTheLoveKitten75]

This acid trip of a holiday extravaganza can't decide if it's celebrating Christmas or Independence Day!

[@Tareltonlives]

IN AMERICA

[@SpukiTheLoveKitten75]

@@Tareltonlives LOL!

[@wingsandash]

I've seen this so many times, and it never gets old. Brad, you're a gem. I can't stop laughing.

[@JamezMorrizProjectz]

Out of ALL the films you have reviewed this one is a step above. “That movie that’s always playing In the background when the cops burst into the serial killers house.” Very well put.

[@ramjet94]

I am completely convinced that Miss Velma was the inspiration for Granny Goodness.

[@MercenaryX21]

there's being faithful to your religion, and then there's this. as someone believes in God I feel insulted that is woman.

[@boxofhalf]

Brad, i just felt like saying that your videos are amazing!! I know I just commented on another one of your videos but I just had to say that you're videos have helped me through some tough times no matter how shitty a day I have is or if I get depressed, watching The Cinema Snob alway helps me get better. Thanks for everything and keep up the amazing work!!! =)

[@boxofhalf]

Your*

[@mrclinebricks4058]

+boxofhalf You could sum up all of youtube with those two comments.

[@UnclePhil73]

People have their Christmas movies they have to watch. The season isn’t complete for me unless I watch Brad lament over Miss Velma, Calvin the Elf, and Kirk Cameron.