Walking On Eggshells

Contains subject matter some viewers may find upsetting.
Coercive control is domestic abuse. Controlling or coercive behaviour was criminalised in 2015 - but it still affects hundreds of thousands of women in the UK.
Mumsnet, Women's Aid and Surrey Police have joined together to help raise awareness of the dangers of coercive control.
A new survey found 38% of Mumsnet users have suffered some form domestic abuse.
With thanks to:
Sadi Khan
Clo Winfield
Ryan and Luke Hart
Sutherland Shire Family Services
Help is available. Freephone 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline (run by Women’s Aid and Refuge) - 0808 2000 247.
If you fear for your immediate safety, or someone else's, please call 999.
Like Mumsnet on Facebook: / mumsnet
Follow Mumsnet on Twitter: @mumsnettowers
Follow Mumsnet on Instagram: @mumsnet

[@Mumsnet]

Remember - help is available. Freephone 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline (run by Women’s Aid and Refuge) - 0808 2000 247.

[@graceditchfield123]

I have called many times. They could not do anything !!!! Grants are to create jobs - just another scam. Just check the audits for those non-profits- you will see where the money goes. Put those grants to protect victims and charge the predators But this will not happen - just look how many legislators are wife beaters, cheeters and so on Thats why law is not followed They will hire lawyers and victims are screwed Police can't do anything they will say domestic hire a lawyer Psychopaths abuse without leaving trace. To get any help you have to be dead to get any validation Victims dont get belived and monsters can just outright deny anything. JUGDES see this ......but not act on it Good luck America 🇺🇸 you are headding for a destruction A country of sold out, compromised monters that just produce and sponsor psychopathy

[@vasilepuschila7571]

@@graceditchfield123 This groups are run by misandry feminists so if you see a woman ranting against them then she must have big balls. Women please. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE WHERE YOU ARE MOVE THE FUCK ON... YOU ARE NOT A TREE

[@bishopgianni9214]

a trick: watch series on Flixzone. I've been using it for watching a lot of movies during the lockdown.

[@sonnyahmad3378]

@Bishop Gianni Definitely, I have been using flixzone} for years myself =)

[@beebeewriters4622]

Lol they do nothing. They only want you to talk and talk and talk to someone.

[@buddha8910]

A secret is only dangerous as long as its kept secret. If you're in a domestic abuse relationship TELL someone, anyone, just tell someone, it just may save your life.

[@xxcharlotte2006xx]

🖤💓🖤💓🖤

[@taraarrington2285]

My family does this

[@lifewithducks6094]

This is true but sometimes not as easier as that in our situation children were used to scare my mum into not speaking up

[@b.boston8529]

It's so hard to find the words, especially if we grew up dealing with abuse and bullying. It doesn't have to be family. It can be dealing with too much control growing up, too. Yes, you blame yourself, especially if you graduated to worse and worse abuse and dealt with severe gas lighting and severe psychological; threats, especially towards children, character assassination threats and actions as I experienced, and all abuse because one sharks spots the wounded victim of another and takes a bigger bite. It helped so much to start voicing it after all the years, especially when I came up with my own terminology and descriptions and realized it mirrored or was the same as the terminology in the healing and supportive communities I then discovered.

[@TheHollandHS]

If we learn to forgive people instead of being a trashy twitter mob towards everyone, it would be easier to open up about family problems and get the right correction without all the filthy drama.

[@grace4976]

I drank myself into oblivion everyday to escape, because I didn’t know how to deal with what was happening. I’m no longer drinking and landed a full time job and working on my escape plan.

[@mothgames9466]

I was in abusive relationship and I feel so relieved that things are being taken more seriously now. Thank you to these women for sharing their stories and helping other women including me feel less alone. 🖤

[@Mumsnet]

Glad to hear things are getting better for you x

[@ianwatson5793]

How long was u in this terrible relationship hun. How bad was it. How u doing nw bless you.

[@Ski7440]

Gene ... yes I agree ... ditto xx

[@philshaw4854]

Thank god this evil behaviour has at last been recognised. So cruel!

[@RosieWilliamOlivia]

The most abusive person I have ever encountered is my mother. I married my "mother" and when I finally divorced him my parents both sided with him secretly so they looked supportive of me to others but with me let it be known I was the problem and even wrote letters on behalf of my ex (who tried to kill me before I filled for divorce) to the judge. My lawyer fought this and she won. For me growing up with sadistic abuse from my mother (enabled by my father) left me drawn to abusive people. I would like to see more on abusive mothers, in my experience they are given a free ride and cause far more harm than they are credited for.

[@1966wilky]

Me too. Our standard of acceptable behavior towards us by others are set by the example of our upbringing. When the very person who’s supposed to nurture you and show unconditional love and support is abusive we go on to set the bar so low for ourselves. We can go through our lives for decades upon decades without realizing that the way we were treated by our husbands, wives, partners etc was abusive too. You’re trained from childhood to obey and people please. That YOU don’t really matter as long as you are being a good person to others, right? When you eventually wake up and realise how you’ve lived your life for other people, in fear, being controlled, manipulated and abused without realizing it, and often still surrounded by abusive people that spot this vulnerability in us, it’s overwhelming.

[@b.boston8529]

It is not only mothers, it is also fathers. Your lawyer was a gem. My sisters did this to me. My parents were good, my dad's father could be sadistic, it went right past my dad. His sister he was so good to was a character assassinating, greedy, lying, utterly selfish narcissist, in my life since the start, sweet and sad appearing, she was on my mind all the time when I met my second sociopath partner, my lovebombing husband who love bombed my whole family and triangulates everyone against me. I had no one like that in court, but my kids had someone half decent, she had integrity in the end and my son's therapist and mine had it and understood, too. The narcs won materially because courts are tilted in favour of predators and their predator attorneys and against survivors.

[@Vixinaful]

EXACTLY this. Its always "Ih it was your father wasnt it?" No. Our own mothers hated us.

[@laetitialogan2017]

I agree...

[@christinejames5631]

That's my life as a whole, which you've just explained so well.

[@thierrytjsripumderm1095]

I am male and this is exactly what happened to me. In the end I left with our son.

[@thierrytjsripumderm1095]

@Gemma Dann nah in Thailand they know how these chicks are. I took her to court to settle it all off but she never turned up because losing face is more of an issue to her than losing her kids. She already did the same with a Thai guy and the result was the same.

[@thierrytjsripumderm1095]

@Gemma Dann yup and Unloved here since I was 20 years old. That is 26 years in a rice village and she was still able to do me over. Completely different value system.

[@thierrytjsripumderm1095]

AND LIVED * I mean

[@deliajones9541]

As a Mother of 4 grown Sons, I understand that the abuser can just as easy be the female abusing the male, they use alot of emotional issues to push control .

[@georgia8592]

Good for you and your son❤

[@queenofthebutterflies5212]

I'm stuck. An invalid, I can't escape right now. Every romantic relationship has been like this. Now I'm back w/ my abusive parents with my child. Sometimes I dream about just getting in a van and driving off but I'm on so much medication for all the illnesses that have been caused by the C-PTSD, I have SO MANY specialists, I don't think I can get out of this at the moment. It's at the point where my cat's are only allowed in my bedroom, no where else! I tried to escape last yr but the police believed the mask my mother wore and that I was crazy so I didn't get any help + I'm SO sick (almost bedbound) I dont even think I could take care of myself, my lil one and the animals :'( .....but.... This video was incredible. THANKYOU. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart. It makes sense of a lot of the behaviour. W/ the power and control imbalance.

[@scheelesgreen4788]

I know the solution. First of all leave him, Second of all the reason every relationship has become like this is NOT FATE its your subconsciuous mind that does that (Codependency- self love deficit disorder) thats why you always attract abusers. Its like ants going towards the sugar. In order to resolve this you need to go see a psychologist and start a recovery.

[@Pyrrhic537]

​@@scheelesgreen4788Not him but her abusive parent's. Especially her mother.

[@char546]

This is a very serious matter. So if anyone is in this position, talk to someone, they will help you out. You have a voice, so use it to tell someone. No one should be going through this.

[@bonniemoerdyk9809]

Starry Night, ... Are you SURE they will help them out?

[@punkybrewstar83]

Yeah- sorry- many people won't help you at all. In fact the police are actually likely to only make it worse most of the time. You have to go to police eventually, but you are already a DV victim... you deserve support to not be revictimised by police. So no- don't tell someone- tell someone qualified who actually cares- like a DV agency, chairity, therapist.

[@ambers3265]

Law enforcement needs training. They are often more likely to side with the abuser than the victim. They are just as easily coerced by the coercer. Abusers almost always say something along the lines of: He/she is crazy! They didn't take their medication! They've been drinking! They have anger issues and just got mad. Notice they project the focus of the situation back onto the victim.

[@Ski7440]

At 8.45 mins in so sorry these guys lost their sister and mother to their father who killed them . These narcissistic, psychopaths,controlling bastards, always appear so nice out in public, but monsters once the door is shut and at home . Suffered in a similar relationship myself and it eats away at ur confidence till u hate yourself and hate living.

[@dixiewaller1379]

Yes!!💯💯💯

[@dixiewaller1379]

Absolutely!!

[@jacquelynpowell7964]

ZYou're right, he was a scout leader, had a pretty good job and pretended he knew every thing. He told people I was crazy, even my kids. I was always waiting for the other shoe to fall.Told me I was ugly,, stupid, not normal (because I didn't like football).I started believing all of it. Eventually I divorced him and h we told me I'd never be able to make it on my own...... I did tho. I went to school, took care of my mother, raised my 3 kids, worked part time. My teacher told me I was smart and I didn't believe her.Years of abuse made me think I was a inferior and not worth anyything.

[@freespirit5234]

Yes, they are scum!! The lowest of vermin!!

[@helencollins7067]

i'm glad the police are doing something about domestic abuse. 30 years ago my sister was the victim of domestic violence. She went to the police numerous times to ask for help and they basically told her they'd take action when he killed her.

[@punkybrewstar83]

Yeah not really- I got arrested with a concussion from a sledgehammer to the face, forced to swallow and choke on my vomit, and refused medical assistance for over three hours. Months later when I got the disclosure, I found that the two white male officers had covered for my perpetrator, and wrote that I had hit my head on a car door apparently. My "independent police complaint" was investigated by officers who were already working with those two officers at that office. To this day, my ex partner follows and harrases me and there is nothing that I can do. I was assaulted on the 28th of December 2019. I live in Auckland NZ. Nothing has changed here.

[@Ihaveadog230]

@@punkybrewstar83 I’m sorry. Tell someone. Doesn’t matter who. Just, tell someone.

[@juliette2439]

I had the same with the police

[@gelbsucht947]

@@juliette2439 i'm sorry you had to go through that. It made us feel very helpless as a family.

[@gelbsucht947]

@@punkybrewstar83 That is absolutely shocking. I am appalled to hear it.

[@wonderwoman5528]

Brave brave women for speaking out, I commend you all. Sorry you had to experience that hell and the two brothers are doing life-saving work 👏

[@Mumsnet]

We're in awe of their bravery for speaking out

[@kathywilliams9672]

interesting. I wonder how many people are living with this. giving in to this. without realising its happening while at the same time being very unhappy with their lives?

[@janehernandez4520]

i was born into this hell with my evil mentally ill father... these ppl are scum of the earth

[@katushaSpb]

My husband isn’t not jealous and he lets me meet friends and go out. He doesn’t control my looks. BUT, he breaks things, insults me, he doesn’t let me sleep after 9 am, he doesn’t let me sleep in the daytime, he controls what I eat, and what I give to the baby, he blames me, criticizes me. Blames me for spending my own money on some delicious food. Even though he buys expensive things for himself. I’m not allowed to watch TV. We must go to sleep at 22 pm everyday. He disconnected me from the internet in the evening one day. He always sets the heating temperature at home. It’s cold at night. Is it coercive behavior?

[@venicesmith7324]

Definitely 😢

[@osajohnson1957]

Yes. Talk to someone.

[@NataleeJT1985]

Yes tell a friend.x

[@Flowerhead247]

Yes!!!

[@Steven-lz7on]

No obey the male i say

[@lisacollins4589]

I'm still going though it now flashbacks are awful!!!!

[@shinebrightlikeadiamond6411]

Oh bless you Lisa, the main thing is you got out alive.

[@BVking509]

My friend has just been involved in a 19 month relationship where she was brutally beaten many many times, forced out of her job, financially abused to £30k, forced onto drugs. The violence became normal, he used his kids from his previous relationship to emotionally blackmail her, he drowned her dog in the canal behind her house. Even after she finally got rid and had nothing he kept returning and one night climbed in a window and beat her for hours. She lives in fear of him, afraid to press charges. She did not tell the police everything because she was so controlled, she would be locked in rooms, he took her away her friends, her family, her car, her job, her confidence and her sense of identity. She struggles to day to day tasks and now bailiffs and creditors are after her. She doesn’t even have a toilet seat as one night he ripped it off to hit her with as she was resisting when he was holding her head down the toilet. There is no practical help out there, woman’s aid are very nice but there is no real help out there. She will soon be homeless as she cannot pay the mortgage, the creditors and eat whilst having had her finance job taken away from her. Often he comes drags her into a car and takes her away. It’s totally dehumanising, West Midlands Police do what they can and we are seeking an anti molestation order but the victim has given up on life, her eyes used to be magical now there is nothing. She has been completely controlled now we worry for her life everyday

[@b.boston8529]

It's horrible to think that predators get more support, freedom, and justice than victims. I am thankful to know there are people like you supporting her but she needs a new identity, a new life in a new place, and therapy. They need to educate victims and give them even new countries and new identities and protection until they document and lock up someone like that for good. This needs to be everyone's responsibility, not only yours and your family's.

[@maggier836]

Take her away help her

[@b.boston8529]

Get her a gun and a hidden camera with sound and one on her person, and when he comes for her, her be sitting on a new toilet lid with the gun aimed in his direction. If he is coming for her and it's obvious, the self-defense should be too. She needs to be confident enough in her aim and ability to pull the trigger because otherwise the gun will end in his hands and she will truly be dead.

[@muhithussain3847]

This has reminded me of the hell ive been put through, its a shame theres no mention of male victims an female perpetrators.

[@janewagner1601]

That's because it is very hidden....must speak out whatever gender you are. Survivor of 18 years dv and cc

[@muhithussain3847]

@@janewagner1601 thank you, I appreciate your kind words of support.

[@muhithussain3847]

@Gemma Dann It happens a lot more than we know unfortunately

[@janewagner1601]

@Gemma Dann shame that is awful.

[@graceditchfield123]

Not in America It is ignored and familly court is blind

[@christylewis5701]

America is such a backward country in so many ways and it's not surprising that this isn't recognised as very dangerous abuse and a criminal offence. I'm sorry you live there... It's hard enough to be brave in such circumstances and to have no legal system to back you up only makes it so much harder.

[@graceditchfield123]

@@christylewis5701 absolutely agree ! Its sick !

[@bronziegoldmodel7990]

@Gemma Dann I had my fact finding hearing yesterday and even though I had evidence on a recording I made of him admitting everything I had alleged and even stated he had plans to marry me after the court hearing was over, the judge still dismissed it because I did not let the perpetrator know that I was recording him and the other party had not been sent the audio recordings I had. I made it clear from day one that I had these recordings and my legal team (legal aid) only advised me to transcribe it they never advised me to provide the audio to be submitted to the other party. It just seems the victim (I am trying not to view myself as a victim as that’s me admitting defeat) can never win.

[@nicolettemoore7711]

Yeah, here in America the mother will lose her children to the abuser, because she stayed too long and when she finally tries to leave and protect her children the system decides she is unstable due to PTSD, lack of financial security and support system due to the abuse. It is backwards

[@amandajohnson-williams7718]

This is such a powerful video!! Thank god social media can deliver this message for so many of us suffering domestic abuse in silence. We are not alone, getting support is vital. Hearing others stories is our first step to getting out. Make that first step, know you are worth so much more. You are worthy of value and dont need to put up with this. Start loving yourself again. The abuser stole your self love for a time, break free and remember who you are. You dont deserve this 💜💜💜🥰🥰🥰🙏🙏🙏

[@heroinheroine6929]

If you are watching this, please read "why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft!

[@lpereira7866]

Thank you all for speaking out. I finally found the courage 4 & 1/2 months ago, and it’s so weird… awesome, but weird.

[@ambertorres7662]

This has been my life for over the past 9 years. it hurts

[@toxicKween83]

Yes it does, I'm on year number 15.

[@Anastar317]

Year 19 here

[@purplepeopleeater6880]

He took pleasure in humiliating me. He didn't want me anymore but he wanted me to do the hard work of leaving. He never threatened to kill me but he was determined to make me look worthless and detrimental to our two sons. I don't know if he was coercive but it was a living hell and to this day he hates me. More than thirteen years later and he still hates me. But he is the father of my sons and I know they love him. I wouldn't wish him harm because that would harm our children ❤

[@trishjaye6204]

When I was younger ... I was in a relationship with a very abusive controlling and disrespectful guy... I was 21 when I met him.. he was 24... I was with him for 2 yrs.... I though I could I change him.... his mom was a domestic abuse coordinator manager.... she knew what was going on between him and I but she always took his side.... she was scared if him..... at 2 yrs I ended up pregnant.... and I thought maybe he would change for me and our son.... but the abuse continued through out my pregnancy... it hurt so much because my parents .. family and friends... lived 4 hours away........ he ruined my car so I had no vehicle.... and he kept breaking my phones.... I started working at a casino in his hometown and he wouldn't let me keep my pay.... he would take it from me and gamble it away .. when he lost all the money... it was my fault.... he started doing Cocaine with his friends and we would be at a party every night. . If I didn't want to go I would be forced to go.... one night one of his friends defended me and he got into a fight with his friend and then he started calling me a slut and accusing me so many things.... he ruined every holiday for me because he would always end up drunk and hurting me... when I was about 3 months pregnant... he almost killed me... he put a pillow over my face and sat on it.... I thought I was going to lose my baby .. until I stopped struggling he got off of me.... when he passed out I tried to leave and he woke up and the abuse began again.... his parents knew everything I told them everything but they always took his side.... when I was 7 and a half months pregnant. He committed suicide..... for a very long time I hurt over him and missed him... but I think where would I be right now if I never got away from him?? I wish I reached out to more ppl.... I wish I left him sooner. I wonder if I left him would he have still been alive?? It seems like bad relationships follow me.... he committed suicide because he found out his mom had cancer and the drs said she had 6 months to live.... on top of that... his ex girlfriend found out I was pregnant with his first son... and she told him he was never going to see his 2 girls again.... the next morning he got drunk and shot himself.... in front of me.... I wish no one would ever go through stuff like this... but sadly... its out there. . And because of embarrassment ppl will hide it.... 😔

[@sophie800]

I am so incredibly sorry for what you have been through are are continuing to go through. May God bless you and your child. Praying for you. 🙏

[@punkybrewstar83]

Well Trish, It isn't your fault that you were abused or that your abuser ended his life. It doesn't always make it easy- but he did do you a favor and there was nothing you could have done. You are a treasure- treasure yourself, your life, your time, and your future happiness xo

[@n.i.g.h.t.i.n_g.a.l.e]

My God!

[@autumnhomer9786]

🎀None if this is your fault. The blessing I’m sorry to say is that he is dead and can’t hurt you anymore. You are free. *Psychichug*🎀

[@Katie.Morris]

I went through a very abusive and controlling relationship. He threatened many times to kill himself, wrap his car around trees, hang himself etc. and 3 months ago he actually did it after I asked him to leave me alone. It’s very traumatising and I know how you’re feeling. In a way you have been saved, I am glad he didn’t take you and your baby with him.

[@kimberlyjasmine8007]

This is why I will never be in a relationship again not worth my sanity 💔

[@bridgettebianca2318]

Amen!

[@nickybaker1338]

Sadly, when I went to the police station, I was interviewed by a cold, impatient woman officer. She made me feel like a weak idiot

[@galaxiyamoon]

She's a twat, you deserve so much better than that BS.

[@EMVelez]

Make a complaint about that unprofessional woman. No one should have to experience that.

[@christinejames5631]

It really is pot luck whom you get to speak to, which is wrong. Some are absolute enablers, of your lucky and drip on the right officer, then you have a chance but it is very unpredictable.

[@hannarice3007]

My friend has been married for 3/yrs and he won’t let her see her friends because he says he loves her so much he wants to be with her.If she’s late home from work he rings up and says your tea is on the table or he says I’ve already ran you a bath.She can’t see it yet.

[@Katie.Morris]

This is sad. Sad because we know this girl thinks he’s just totally in love with her and doesn’t realise it’s the beginning of a very controlling and abusive partner.

[@davidhill8565]

“Eggshell state” is a country or society where you may get severely punished for trivial or accidental things and being a good citizen won’t protect you from punishment. In an eggshell state, even a fabricated complaint can get you arrested. One such country is North Korea. Another is Thailand, specifically for tourists.

[@sophie800]

My ex partner and father to my two young children was coercively controlling and he has full care of our children as ordered by the court... How is that justice?

[@sophie800]

@@emmarogers3694 God bless you. I am so sorry for your situation and I pray that you will get your children back in the near future 🙏 How often do you get to see your children? 💔

[@sophie800]

@@emmarogers3694 How incredibly traumatic for you! I feel so sorry for you Emma. Have you not got a solicitor? God bless you. 🙏💔

[@sophie800]

@@emmarogers3694 I am so sorry for your incredibly painful situation. How you must be missing your children! The "man" is absolutely vile - stopping you Emma, the mother, whom gave birth to his children, to see your children all of this time! Surely Women's Aid could provide you will legal aid? 🙏💔

[@sophie800]

@@emmarogers3694 I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. I hope and pray that you will get the help you need. 🙏 Is there a court order in place that has set days for you to see your children? Sorry for prying; you don't have to answer. Have the Family Rights Group been of no help? 💔

[@sophie800]

@@emmarogers3694 Would you like to email me?

[@juliejongkryg6296]

Thanks for sharing.

[@anneyoung2310]

Thank you for this. It takes a village (a city and her leaders, a cult, a .org, etc. ).In my case, there is a community of covert coercive abusers acting together, as is often the case when legal abuse, stalking by proxy, surveillance, massive technological abuse (off the charts and traceable), car tracking, car and driving abuse (interference, harassment on the roads-trying to make me late to work, setting me up for road traps and molestation/cryptographics) and millions of dollars is being spent to isolate, financially devastate, parentally alienate, and keep me from the career I grew, the man of my dreams, etc. It's wild how far covert abuse can go when toxic community members, coworkers, roommates, and all flying monkeys are doing the narcissists' murderous biddings under the radar. They are as accountable as the narcissist in some cases, for pushing his ruinous, devastating, debilitating agenda, which often leads to murder, as you have well articulated. When people do not speak out about abuse, they will also be held accountable by God.

[@andyk55]

thank you!

[@caucasianqueen7985]

I SUFFERED THIS ABUSE BY MY EX HUSBAND PAUL JAMES SIMPSON...7TH FEBRUARY CANT REMEMBER YEAR

[@janewagner1601]

God love you. I'm a survivor of this shitty treatment for 18 yrs. Should have thrown away the key the police were scared of him. My ex

[@diannegoode9010]

I recognise some of these behaviours I how my son was to me. He would find fault with how l kept the house what he had to eat, he criticised how l looked. He belittled me. At the time l was suffering depression and anxiety so l was easy to manipulate. He was verbally abusive and sarcastic. I did not consider it abuse but if l had l don't know were l would have got help. I did tell the people at the hospital l attended to be told to stand up to him because l was his mother. From when he was 14 (1989) till 24 (1999) l was subject to his abuse. He now live in another country. I have no contact with him.

[@ENFPerspectives]

This happens by women over men also.... and it happens in the work force; when you stand up to these kind of people, they lie behind your back and work to get vengeance. You have to set hard boundaries and never let in, or people will run over you. They may run over you anyway but just know that there is no way to be nice and earn any respect. You just have to stand up for yourself always!

[@Deldelo-]

Yes but 96% of the violent incidents/ beatings/ rapes/ murders/are committed on women by men. This is a world wide statistic. So go to hell with your “waddaboutmen” 🙄

[@holographicc6974]

The greatest cancer of this planet! Excellent video 🙏

[@shinebrightlikeadiamond6411]

I actually wanted to say this same thing on another post, but thought maybe I would come off stupid to say domestic violence is like cancer. Because even if you get out alive, they might still come for you a year down the line to kill you or you live with it for most of your life,it a nightmare.

[@indiracamotim2858]

I wouldn’t agree only because of child sexual abuse which I would say comes first. But that this is a cancer ...I agree wholeheartedly. You get to the point that even if you want to turn into a rebel, the mind is so conditioned that you cannot do it. You begin “talking” to yourself about that action. It’s PTSD at its worst.

[@lisacollins4589]

This video is helping thanks for sharing

[@beaulieuonnp593]

It affects both men and women, and also in the workplace

[@meloneymoore8856]

I have been under extreme Coercive Control Abuse for many years. I feel very alone in it, isolated and am often left without even the bare necessities for basic human survival at the hands of CEO Gail Boudreaux and Michelle Moriarty at Elevance Health formerly Anthem Inc. My abusers have followed me from an apartment complex to homeless shelters I have been forced to be at because I have no means of support emotionally and financially.

[@caucasianqueen7985]

I BELIEVE I HAVE PTSD NOT BIPOLAR...SUFFERED AND SURVIVED A LOT OF ABUSE FROM MUM, DAD, STEPDAD ETC ETC

[@Barbie31156]

Can any one tell me if there’s a time limit on reporting to police. I managed to get out but still suffering. He has remarried and is doing it again

[@sfirth4277]

No. Tell someone

[@tkm69u]

Australia N.S.W. enacted coercive control laws 1st of February 2024 which now gives victims far more protection than before.

[@vasilepuschila7571]

Experts indicated that parental alienation is coercive control on a child.

[@nicolettemoore7711]

Yes but a victim trying to protect their children also get hit with parental alienation

[@vasilepuschila7571]

@@nicolettemoore7711 protecting your child by bad mouthing and demonising the other parent because one could not handle a separation? implanting false negative memories about the other parent to the child? This parents should loose their child to the targeted parent and only then will the child abuse stop!!

[@absoluteentertainment3140]

Some men are just sickening! they think that just because their seem tougher they can take advantage of the vulnerable.

[@tracyworth6799]

It's not just men who do this

[@holographicc6974]

Yes! And men are even more dangerous bc of perceived threat of bodily harm

[@solitudeguard5688]

Honey G so are some women

[@FinleySouthall]

That is so sexist. You can’t blame everything on men when it’s women as well just because they are naturally stronger doesn’t mean they’re never controlled.

[@Ski7440]

Absolute Entertainment ... they do and they’re cowards cos they wouldn’t treat a huge man bigger than themselves in the way they treat their gf or partner ... cos they know what the consequences wld be !

[@ninjagirlnomeansno9403]

Thank you so much for making people aware of this, I've done alot of studying on this topic, To all women and men out there, Get help be brave and don't let it take away your smile, Peace, love, joy and happiness to everyone, Thank you universe 💞😍🐉✨️👁🦄🧿🌈🧝‍♀️🌌👽🥰💞😊

[@Lingatsu]

Helpful video.

[@mrs.t3733]

"Its me and you against the world"😢

[@mikesmith6594]

My narc father uses this very tactic on me then he blatantly mocks me I feel so isolated and he often makes me not wanna live anymore 😢. Feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells.

[@bluecat798]

When my partner loses his temper (which is often) his eyes bulge out of his head. I once saw the same expression in his mother's eyes in a photo. She has a temper too. Freud knew what he was talking g about. Men are hugely shaped by their mothers when their father is absent as his was. His dad is meek as a lamb!

[@iramhussain9654]

Hurts me a lot

[@donnablackman3954]

Keep safe ❤️ be strong ♥️

[@nin9249]

I had a thick metal collar padlocked to my neck for a year . I fled last year with my dog.

[@dlola9484]

The look...omg. Light bulb moment.

[@shinebrightlikeadiamond6411]

Yes, if look could kill I had that happen to me, trying to fine a way out. This kind abuse most people laugh at you because they don't see it as abuse.

[@brendafaithful8267]

Most the time they treat their victim different than the public. However, others can be more extreme that they get into fights at work, walk out on their job. Rage in public, etc.... Calling the police doesn't always mean they have your best interest. Going to a church... They don't always know how to help so alot of times they ignore it. Sadly. God would not want this.... He IS Love. ❤️

[@emmajane646]

Amen! God is love Brenda! Never give up the good fight of faith! Jesus saved me from an abusive family, absusive relationships AND spiritual abuse! God is very good!

[@mademarsi5494]

I was in this situation.. So Happy when I got out😢😢

[@keylzuk]

I am scared of his reaction if I tell the Police he has breached his order. He will lose his job and then has nothing to lose.

[@MandyGood]

You have to leave without him knowing and then cut contact. You have to.

[@purrfection2208]

That was his choice to act a fool. Preserve your life please. Leave and never have any contact.

[@GTGinley7]

YOU MUSTTTT LOVE YOURSELF AND CHOOSE YOUR SELF RESPECT OVER HIM

[@Summer-ju4pj]

Don't worry about his job. Your safety is more important

[@ritadoran5039]

Very sad story sorry to hear this question if a person is being abused and get out are they likely to turn into the controller themself as opposed to becoming a victim again say be the abuser or be abused?????

[@fancyfillis5246]

I would like to know why can’t men and women get justice if they have been in a coercive abuse by a partner before 2016. But if you have been raped by a stranger before DNA was discovered … you can still get justice if there was DNA evidence you can get justice I need justice, can anyone help me with this and change the justice system

[@Steven-lz7on]

fancy fillis whatever

[@GreenBlue143]

It's a matter of what is legal and illegal. If coercive control was legal then that is that. DNA evidence only shows who (by characteristics) committed an illegal act.

[@granmabern5283]

God is Eternally Just. Vengeance is mine, says the Lord. Leaving the past and building a better present is necessary for your health. God will revenge you.

[@soniczforever5470]

I know someone that hits laughs at my the fact I'm sensitive about my weight. I'm a heavy woman now but get upset about how big I am and he's cruel about it. Told him to stay out of my flat.

[@lumpycustard3433]

Its not just men in straight relationships either! Crazy making bullies.

[@juliebrickley2562]

Is it coercive control when someone doesn't like you buy certain things (e.g. Shoes, hats,) & doesn't allow you to go to certain places like London nightclubs at certain time at night. It's difficult to tell

[@wendyschmidt1454]

Control of any kind is abuse and is used by incredibly insecure people.

[@shgnamaste7730]

The eggs were dropped, it's "your" fault, and you "might as well" step on them. They truly are highly toxic people.

[@CourtneyK87]

The woman that is hiding her identity, that's my story. It was pills not heroin but that's my story... Flipping the phone and showing him where I am. Done that many times and he still says I'm a liar and he doesn't believe me. Wish the US had these same laws as the UK. No help here

[@MHLivestreams]

My ex wife got pretty bad with it, but seems like women don't often get arrested for it.

[@ingacrosby2013]

I wish this was illegal, here in America. Until. People are taught to parent more effeçtively, instead of looking for ways of making life easier for themselves, & teach boys, that they are not better than girls, society will be better. If men don't re spect women, then they should stay away from them. If they need sex get an adult prostitute. If paying for sex hurts the ego, then do without.

[@CmdrTobs]

Vat?

[@meenaksi1082]

Who else is experiencing a lot of distress and dissonance watching this because these behaviors are normal in your culture?

[@toxicKween83]

Lady: this is my life Me: ...😶 is this my life...

[@Chunkylover1582]

My question is are these things always done intentionally? Or are some completely unaware they are doing these things and they are unintended?

[@EMVelez]

No human is that unable to discern their own actions. They do it deliberately and usually without remorse.

[@Chunkylover1582]

@user-bn5ep7yy3p I was asking because I have been accused repeatedly from my wife and people she talks to and I don't do it. I don't think I do it at all.

[@granmabern5283]

@@Chunkylover1582If you ARE DOING these things, now you KNOW that it is wrong. Ask God for the help to stop, one day at a time, and go for counselling to learn better relationship skills.❤

[@grungepants]

It'd also be nice if videos like this, were made for men who are coersive controlled by women. That happens too.

[@kulaniwarner7262]

There should be much more info out there for men too but men are even less likely to come forward unfortunately.

[@christineterpens3136]

Yes this is a serious issue for many men in our society unfortunately. I have seen this cohesive behaviour in too many relationships.

[@lauramagann536]

My mom and I need a lawyer. We are being controlled and manipulated by our POA, and our neighbors and their lawyer. We are being treated very cruelly. So much has been done to us. They've tried to separate us and I had a heart attack. I'm still having heart problems and pain. We need $4100 for a lawyer and I'm desperately trying to find it.

[@sarahhuckerby5988]

hi, there I am currently going through the motions of funded research with the University of Derby and would love to hear from anyone who can help me on an academic platform. thank you

[@Steven-lz7on]

Sarah Huckerby regarding what? Abuse?

[@nataliefox916]

Not sure how much help i'd be but i'm here

[@Steven-lz7on]

Natalie Fox were you abused? I was by my last girlfriend

[@nataliefox916]

@@Steven-lz7on Unfortunately, yes, very confusing because he's acting like nothing happened and everyone loves him. Hope you're dong okay.

[@Steven-lz7on]

Natalie Fox that’s no good, so others don’t believe you? I left her a while ago now She went totally crazy when found out I was going to leave as well.She managed to lock me in the spare room with nothing to eat or drink for nearly 3 days.

[@juliabrown1495]

Be strong the lord god is not deaf to are cries

[@paulawambura7531]

😪

[@user-ud9wn2cs5q]

My family members, are playing mind games for real on me. My devorce family members, have also for real, backstabbed me Guardino, emotionally and financially. I have been sued for no reason by my family member, and the other family member, is still just like the once again family member I am a 100% embezzliemrnt victim, in every way for real,.

[@user-lr5xe4sw2i]

in most cases victims resort to drugs or acohol or ponograhy or just any thing that can take away the pain

[@kimmaddison8686]

He's allowed Freinds they all come in laugh be happy when I talk told to shut my mouth 👄 not talk it's cruel evil

[@user-lr5xe4sw2i]

true most friends dissapear

[@christinejames5631]

Very true, they simply believe the abusers lies

[@gwillis01]

Please listen to the best YT video I have seen in months: YOU ARE A TOASTER

[@karenkiebooms1373]

punishing people for their behaviour is coercive control too and that's the mistake justice makes ... they use their power with a legal umbrella and it doesn't help women that were victims of narcissistic and/or coercive control. We have to be cautious of the riple effect, there is always a long period of being uncertain about the situation and during that period, you are extremely vulnerable because you CAN be the cause instead of the victim. Only after 11 years of being abused by the SYSTEM (and not only by the individual), I'm sure that I did the right thing, making the situation public (but that made the coercive control even worse and it killed me from inside out). The only thing that can make a difference is showing that it works like a boomerang - abusing people leads to loss and there's no point of return. Maybe it gave you a moment of power, but alike heroin, it has a horrible price. The price I had to pay for refusing to go with the flow is isolation, but I'd rather be alone than in the wrong relationship and I'd rather be dead than in the wrong life. Beware of the hidden rewards and pleas, women, don't act like the lesser man, be the best version of yourself and help unconditionally whenever you can. My sister mailed me: *I don't want to help you and you know why* and that quote will be used when we analyze the chain reaction after I told Peter that I wanted to divorce him. The best examples are the cases and mine is a school example of how sick things can become without any reason. If the public opinion would have supported me, it never would have become so bad that I no longer want to invest in a life that was so promising, there is nothing left of the old Karen and I don't mind.

[@nataliewallace]

I think David Chadwick killed my sister.

[@louisebarker2322]

Privacy

[@karenkiebooms1373]

It's even worse than this, it's part of our social behaviour ... That account just spamms nonsense. So I make fun of it - was a reaction I read, even not addressed to me personally, but to someone else, ignoring me completely ... the problem is that I have to use the comment box of KZbin videos to make announces that are important for the collective, but people make fun of it and are rewarded with likes ... the only positive is the fact that it's no longer taboo to speak about the feeling of being controlled and misunderstood. I reacted to that post, but that reaction was removed and that's how they even (ab)use the people who try to start a normal dialogue - you have to be dead before they value your efforts and I don't have much time left. I'd wish that my name was strong enough to make those people feel ashamed - you don't get what you want, but what you need to go on - but I'm afraid that this only is the start of a change that will take more than a couple of years ... sometimes things have to be experienced on a collective level before we even start to see how destructive they are ... *this is the silent war* (but that doesn't have to stop us)!

[@janetlieb2507]

I was being abused in the backyard of where we lived. He had physically and emotionally abused me for years. I was so scared and desperate. The police arrived. The female policewoman threatened to arrest Me. The male policeman actuslly laughed at me. I wanted to die😢

[@kikaorozco1135]

I’m confused, idk if this happening to me or I’m just exaggerating like I always do

[@Anna133199]

If you feel confused about this, I bet it's probably happening to you. I hope you can call a helpline or something.

[@n.i.g.h.t.i.n_g.a.l.e]

Sounds like you've been made to believe you are always overreacting. But the honest truth is, if you're confused, you're most definitely going through it. Reach out for help asap.

[@okatzl369]

Hope you are doing ok. If you are still in this situation there are some check lists online and also books about it. A Tasmanian organisation called Engender has an amazing video describing different patterns of coercive control. Or if you are in the UK call womens Aid and you can ask to speak with someone. It is really important to trust yourself. The point of coercive control is to destroy our trust in ourselves and keep the victim confused - a type of perspectivecide. Good luck to anyone going through this. May you find relationships with respect and genuine love.

[@fuanasantuary1277]

7:15

[@martinrooney2806]

A lot of it is going out with other. Women man at home she comes to me then when we found out told lies about me

[@pierrebornholm5599]

This is confusing because I watched 50 Shades and it told me to be MORE controlling, not less, and that all women secretly have fantasies of being raped. Now I don’t know what to do.

[@MandyGood]

Women don’t want 50 shades of gray guy. They don’t and it’s a lie

[@purrfection2208]

You can't take lessons from a movie. Only for entertainment, scripted and actors are paid a lot to endure injuries.

[@seekingtruth1623]

Movies are g o v t mind control programs, the agenda - transform Christian creative love culture into the opposite culture. 🤔➡️God is love, evil is bondage slavery. UNITED NATIONS CONSTITUTION all people are PROPERTY OWNED BY STATE ➡️ US CONSTITUTION ALL PEOPLE ARE BORN FREE UNDER GOD 💖. Everything is spiritual. ATHEISM vs Christianity.

[@okatzl369]

Look up enthusiastic consent! BdSM is good if there are boundaries and real (not coerced) consent and respect from both parties. 50 shades is fantasy and fiction written on a blackberry by a lady bored on her commute to work... nuff said.

[@Melly16yr10]

50 Shades is just a fantasy not a Reality don't get them mixed up. No women don't want that guy at all.

[@user-lr5xe4sw2i]

dont we have africans here. i' m a man above 30 but have been having all these symptoms for over 3years.

[@kyliestorm_music]

Exactly. Yr lying. Yr crazy. It's your fault. Stalking Constant harrasement and intimidation. Prisoners.

[@denisewhite5145]

YOUNG LADIES PLEASE DO BACKGROUND CHECKS TO MAKE SURE YOU NOT DEALING WITH A LUNATIC ! 🚩

[@martinrooney2806]

I had a releation cheating yes me on my own then lies lies she done my head in no truth women go out with women not all go teasing and awallways get male attention but no man get no attentention still trust iu haven't that your kicked

[@onionpotato3396]

This law is misandry. It deliberately ignores male victims of female coercive control. Just last week I was in a meeting with two middle aged male colleagues and one said that he wanted to go out on the weekend but that he would have to "get permission." The other man sad, rather sadly, "me too". I was stunned. These are grown men who are being held hostage by their wives. These two men are being controlled and abused. This is not uncommon.

[@mowthpeece1]

You're confusing hen pecked with abused. But they're free to leave are they not? Why don't they?

[@jacquelynroe9036]

Is this the same thing though? My husband probably wouldn’t say he needed “permission” to go out on the weekend, but I hope he’d check with me to make sure there wasn’t anything else going on or that I was cool watching the kids solo. Hard to tell from just one interaction if it’s abuse or not.

[@debbyseguin7131]

The wording of this law does not include gender differentiation. It describes the perp and the impact on the victim.

[@TheHollandHS]

Making male rape a stigma unlike female stigma, like branding someome to eternity for over 50 years long a creep because he touched someones arm being happily partying, but someone didnt like it, is what I call a society making men walk on eggshells who don't want to become a "rapist for life". Isn't that emotional abuse either from the state and society? Rape is wrong and should be punished but stop cancel and stigmatizing people around the topic in lifetime. That is why people can be very anxious about it and we are not allowed to express it for society, because of their toxic attitude to masculinity .

[@nseri897]

Is No Jab No Job coercive abuse

[@caucasianqueen7985]

MY POLICE OFFICER LISA WILL SORT THIS OUT...CROYDON POLICE XXX LOCKDOWN 2021 XXX

[@caucasianqueen7985]

MY EX HUSBAND HAS BEEN ARRESTED, CHARGED AND CONVICTED OF MANY OFFENCES BY THE POLICE AND BEEN IN PRISON UPTEEM TIME...HE TARGETED ME WITH HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO MAKE ME DO THINGS I DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO

[@caucasianqueen7985]

WHY HAVE THE SOCIAL SERVICES, POLICE AND STAFFORDSHIRE CAFCASS TREATED ME LIKE THE OFFENDER

[@caucasianqueen7985]

I DEMAND MY KIDS BACK....MARIANNE SIMPSON 26/04/76

[@colinmoore747]

Why are all the videos on men controlling women?

[@CmdrTobs]

Curious, just surveying my experience the world seems to be full of women who control almost every aspect of their family. From contraception dodging to picking where they go and what they do on holidays etc...

[@purrfection2208]

More common. Not many men report abuse because of possible shame from their peers and the police.

[@GTGinley7]

@@purrfection2208 Hey, I see you're on a few comments. Happened to me and I had no one to call to help me cuz she pushed away everyone of my friends and even my twin brother so I would be 100 percent dependant on her and I had no idea I was dependant on her the whole time... The trauma I had to go through and the cups of water I cried yet I still slept with her every night. It's wild... Now I'm trying to get back to my normal self and what mkes me me and what I actually love and my hobbies and I barely can.

[@jacquelynroe9036]

I think it’s more common that men control women. It’s also more common that women will be killed by their abusive partners. But you’re right, there needs to be attention on how this happens to men as well.

[@margueriteeisel1424]

The handsomely loaf laparoscopically handle because block critically doubt excluding a endurable kitty. funny, ludicrous daniel