My Attempted Suicide - Sharing my Story for Suicide Prevention Month

[@alexpavlides2047]

The judgement that suicide is selfish is a cruel misunderstanding of the disease by people who have never experienced it. I hope you continue to get better!

[@babbaruff1045]

Depression is an absolutely horrific experience, i wouldn't wish it on anyone. I loved listening to yoyr story. It helps to know im not alone 🤗

[@BEACHDUDE71]

I understand why people end it, I am on the edge

[@joseph7368]

I remember someone saying not to die before you make all the music that is within you. I pray you will be OK and I pray you make all the music you are meant to in this life, whatever that music may be. 🙏

[@Septeemberpain]

@@joseph7368thanks for sharing

[@Septeemberpain]

I do too. Life can be a bi***

[@BEACHDUDE71]

@@joseph7368 I will find out next summer

[@brendas6461]

I hope you will reach out to help holine. Your life has value.

[@queenjulianalovesherfatban2064]

Having suicidal thoughts/depression/anxiety/any mental health condition is like being behind a glass door and everyone else is on the other side. It's shit and I really feel for everyone who's struggling with their mental health. Actually for me the thing that upsets me the most isn't having a mental health condition it's the isolation, guilt(shame) and just generally(for me in my experience) feeling like I shouldn't reach out or that I'm not allowed to call a helpline(despite recieving therapy/mental health support) because I need to be strong and deal with my mental health on my own no matter how low I feel. I feel incredibly isolated and I don't know what to do

[@emmanicolecounselling]

Thank you for watching and for your comment. As someone who works with agencies that provide support, trust me when I say that we *want* to hear from you! It’s such a massive challenge to help people to realise they aren’t a burden at all, and that absolutely the strongest and bravest thing you can EVER say is ‘help’. I’ve listed some agencies in the description box, but even just giving Samaritans a call to have someone to listen can be so beneficial. Trust me when I say that they would love to hear from you, and to help you in whatever way they can. I’m sorry I can’t give you personal advice (it wouldn’t be ethical for me to do so) but I really appreciate you reaching out, and you aren’t alone. Just check the comments sections of my videos - there are lots of people here alone on my tiny KZbin channel with mental ill health too. Thank you again x

[@mariahmacklin1304]

I identify with almost that exact same kind of self hatred a lot rn in my life. Struggling with suicidal thoughts and came across this video and it made me feel seen. Thank you for sharing this.

[@emmanicolecounselling]

Thank you for watching :) please know that there are always organisations out there that you can speak to and seek support if you need to

[@Veedub09]

I wish wish wish my daughter had seen this video before she took her own life. Alas she didn’t, but I did and it’s made me cry and make me really listen, her death caused mine… I feel like I’m dying. I’m not wanting to take my own life, but I hate I couldn’t help her and stop her.. I literally feel like I’m only still going for others. My daughter was strong and brave and she’s gone.

[@MolootyNest-md6ti]

Thus video found in good time. Because it is exactly how you mentioned it...your vision is soo clouded and sometimes i am so fixated on some narrative that, if someone tells me otherwise I would just ruthlessly ignore it or deny it or just say they are mocking me. Even my own positive thoughts are shut down myself when I am in that sort of mindset. Thanq for opening up❤

[@MaliaArrayah777]

I was there yesterday. I took all the pills I could find and was holding a bottle of more sleeping pills when my friend Dane asked to call me because I wrote goodbye on all my socials. I was ready to be gone because of so many things and it all overwhelmed me yesterday. I felt like a terrible human and that the world would be better off without me. And the people I loved would be better off without me because they all hated me. That’s what I told myself. I’ve been treated so poorly by people through my life. I blamed myself. Im lucky Dane took the time to talk me out of it.

[@LuvableAF]

It is good you had a friend or boyfriend who loved you enough to call and hear your voice . Glad your ok 💙

[@JulieKelly-mq3nm]

You must have not wanted to die or you would have not told anyone goodbye

[@Jason-fx6pb]

Thank you so, so much for making this video and sharing your experiences. The way you talked about your mindset at the time is so incredibly true and real. I went through a similar fight when I was 14. I didn't actually attempt suicide, but I was so close. Nearly everything you said when describing how you felt, I felt that, too. I don't think I've ever heard a more vulnerable story. Thank you so much for making this.

[@donglasgow11111]

I'm 64 and the self hatred started when I was 14 and will never go away. I know that and have learned to accept it. I cycle between normal and depressed, sometimes severely, every 10 days or so. Anti-depression medication is useless, I would love to feel normal all the time, but medication has never done that for me. My parents created this self-hatred by physically and emotionally abusing me (I'm a very gentle soul but had to live with that as a child). They were young when they had me. "Children raising children." I've forgiven them but I can't ever forget. The depression has made me super empathic. That's not a good thing. I am easily triggered by extreme violence that I read or hear about. Unfortunately the world is filled with evil people. I feel normal right now, but I'll be glad when I am dead. I have no fear of dying or being dead. At least it's not this.

[@hollydaugherty2620]

I'm sorry your parents were not parents to you. I hope you can still enjoy your life and know that a stranger would like to give you a hug and let you know they're glad you exist.

[@mitch5222]

I am sorry and i am disabled and traumas like i cant even talk to. You are not alone.

[@khalesi9469]

We talk about it but often people don't care. I have reached out for help but no one is there for me. I'm all alone, l don't see the point in staying alive

[@Yourwifesbf458]

I care about you dude, do you want to talk?

[@hilary2457]

That’s why I almost did it. Time after time people show they clearly don’t care about me. Or maybe I care too much. Either way it’s painful and I wish I could just stop caring about every little thing

[@Mulejaw]

@@hilary2457 but we do care as faceless as we may be, because we recognize ourselves in you. because we truly understand all of it. Much love because you are loved, because you deserve to be loved because we deserve to be loved.

[@scottishcarenthusiastsandtrain]

Wow, this video was so powerful. I have been struggling with Mental Health since 2012 and I had thoughts of taking my life in January this year after my wife and kids walked out on me and a organisation who will remain nameless got involved and told me I could not see my wife or kids, basically trying to tell me that they were running the show. I had planned how I was going to do it, on a busy Saturday afternoon. Thankfully friends from work had heard me talking about it and managed to get me help but the organisation helping me wife called me selfish and attention seeking, my wife knew I was being serious and myself and her walked into a mental health clinic where I started to get help, I was not attention seeking, I had at the time lost the most important things in my life and I just wanted to end life as the most important things in my life had gone. Having come through this situation I write my own blog, share encouragements and want to break the stigma of mental health and get people talking about it. Thank you for sharing this video.

[@emmanicolecounselling]

Thank you for your comment, and for sharing your story. I am so glad that your friends from work heard you talking, and that your wife stood by you in that way and you got the support you needed. There is still so much stigma in organisations - more so than in individuals I think. And sometimes we can also be on the high alert for judgement from places where there is none. I myself was incredibly concerned for a long time that I would lose access to my children because of my mental health, and it’s taken a lot to feel secure knowing I won’t. It’s great to hear that you now share your story to help others! Thank you so much for sharing this on here and for watching :) x

[@Manifesting_Secret_Sketchbook]

Wife and children? - did they change Religeon? We're they led by a cult? Where r they? - I'm curious. Appologies for questions

[@andy.h5988]

Hi Emma. The very fact that you can come on here and talk about this ... even though I can see and hear you struggling so much with the emotions and memories this is bringing back into your life...shows you have an inner strength and spirit to go onward and upward. It took real courage to come on here and tell your story. You are truly baring your soul warts and all for the world to see. In your own words 'you are loved more than you know'. I wish you every future happiness Emma. Hugs and love.

[@kalynnoah2572]

Can’t thank you enough for sharing your experience. It is unbelievably helpful to know that someone else has felt this way… your honesty is so evident. It just brings a dose of reality to the experience so many people struggle with and can’t talk about.

[@terenfrench5258]

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad you are still here ❤️

[@emmanicolecounselling]

Thank you, and thank you for watching :)

[@Xeik38]

This is super vulnerable. Thank you for sharing. ❤

[@Sarah-ts1jh]

I wish you nothing but peace, love and happiness, you are not alone in this ❤❤❤

[@Mulejaw]

Thank you for talking about the idea of suicide being a selfish act.

[@aliceporter2704]

Wow Emma. You're such an inspiration, truly. As someone who is struggling at the moment with stress, I completely get your comment around how you present to others is not what your reality is at that time. Although I moaned about my situation, I did it in a jokey way and I think I undermined how I was feeling, to the extent where the low really hit hard and took other people by surprise. I feel I'm on my way back up but wow what a journey. As someone on the outside of your life, I would have said you 'had it all' too. Isn't it funny how we perceive the lives of those around us? It takes a lot to speak to someone privately about these things let alone speak publicly and I'm in awe of you right now. Thank you for sharing your experience and helping to normalise mental ill health ❣️

[@emmanicolecounselling]

Thank you for your comment Alice, I really appreciate it and thank you for opening up about your own experiences too! We all 'front' to some extent - in itself it's a very good coping mechanism! Separate ourselves (even through humour) of reality and it isn't actually happening to us. It's a means of dissociation. But talking is so brave. Even retrospectively. Even just finding one person you can be yourself around - can make such a difference. Thank you for sharing x

[@braydenk.8348]

Appreciated hearing your perspective, thanks for speaking.

[@emmanicolecounselling]

And thank you for watching and commenting :)

[@mr.-.-]

I e been told recently that I’m just being annoying. I don’t know how to cope with that on top of everything else. I’m going through some of the worst depression I’ve ever experienced. I feel like I’m a burden. I really just want to get away.

[@Mulejaw]

It's a problem talking about depression with people who don't experience it. People are scared of it and offer simple solutions. But realize there are many of us and you can talk to us. You are not alone. We are here and we are listening. Sincerely, much love because I get it, we get it.

[@brendas6461]

I hope you will reach out to a help hotline . Your life has value.

[@erikvictorreed]

Your soul is lovely. Thank you for sharing of yourself and your journey. You truly are lovely.

[@kathryndrew5618]

Wow. I love your video., It just feels so real and raw and honest and full of care and love and integrity and courage. Thank you xxxx

[@JackMonroe]

Thank you for posting this

[@chrisdawson6156]

I'm glad you are still here with us how did you get help

[@palapalak.8907]

Thank you for sharing your story. Appreciate it.

[@Acord718]

For me it is feeling ugly , poor , no college degree, girlfriend cheated on me and was raped, my grandma died in October. I tried my best to take care of my girlfriend and I feel like it was all for nothing. As if she didn't appreciate the time I had to put in. Waking up at 6:30 am to go to work, get out at 6:30 and then head to the hospital which is 40 mins away. For just a 30 minute visit and then go home which is about her 40 mins.

[@rayman1099]

Thank you for sharing your story. It means a lot to me understanding. I lost my wife oktober 2023 after years of being depressed. She committed suicide. It's still hard for me to understand why. But your explaining helps. God bless you ❤

[@user-lf2lf6wy4z]

I am so very sorry you've had to walk through this.

[@rayman1099]

@@user-lf2lf6wy4z it's terribly hard without her in my life. she was my sweetheart for 36 years. but I will never blame her and still believe in her. I wish you and your family all the strength in the world. 💫💞

[@justmadeit2]

Its absolute torment to feel in such a dark place. You can feel shaky inside as you feel taken over by despair and feel there’s no way back

[@karmichost]

I reached this after yet again researching "how to". I have been feeling the way you felt. I wanted to end the message in a hopeful way, but it's not how I feel. I just wanted to thank you for posting it.

[@yvettecolley9133]

I can relate 100% I'm shit n worthless, and focusing on how to end it.

[@ronnie5329]

Bless you, its hard to talk about

[@huaho9213]

Hello Emma! Just found your video...hope you are doing well and your life is good!

[@derekthompson9317]

i come very close i took vallum and bottle of wine trying to over dose and remember calling my mum and her saying i made no séance. and she come over took me to hospital. but mine all started from break and up and having anxiety and thought i had no one to talk . doing better today still have anxiety but i have friends and family therapist i can talk to . Clad hear you doing well and thanks for sharing your storie

[@unknownuser6757]

When I die, I want to ask God if He forgives the sin of suicide

[@TheDreamingdaily]

People seem to think I’ve become lazy, and I just mysteriously became an introvert, and not absolutely hating who I am at the moment.

[@sandrawilliams1955]

I'm feeling the exact way, but I get told on a daily basis how stupid I am, how everything is my fault. I'm called every name in the book, I get accused of looking at other men , My 6yr calls me a b*tch and also tells me how stupid I am, they both want to kick me out of the house, I'm 30,000 in debt, working a minimum wage job because nobody would pay me more. There is no reason to live. Good story but it's the truth

[@jenniferfree4144]

Thank you!

[@AquaMan-ss1dk]

You are awsome !!

[@shannonkringen]

Thanks this helps me

[@ziprowoxer3607]

i m extremly sorry, i will make this world a better place for sure!!! for all , especially for all women.

[@davejarvis7522]

Totally understand --

[@davidedwards6807]

I love you stay strong sweetheart 😍

[@florencefortyseven]

Thank you so much x.. I hope it's not weird that I have watched this video multiple times. For some reason you remind me of my channel's namesake: Florence Welch! Do you take content requests?

[@emmanicolecounselling]

Suggestions are always welcome! Thank you so much for watching :)

[@florencefortyseven]

@@emmanicolecounselling . I really appreciate it. I was just wondering if you can talk about the different reasons why people don't want to get better, and how to address those kinds of thoughts. Is that common in practice? (Optional reading below.) ... I am in the (I think) unusual position of having no support. I don't have friends, or a girlfriend, and I am not emotionally open with my family so they don't know I have Depression. To some extent I know what to do to get better, but I kind of don't want to.. although this sounds awful, I want people to love me for me, not just the confident/happy/attractive me. For example, I had a huge heartbreak two years ago, and I haven't met anyone since. Absolutely, I can attract someone if I improve myself, but you're not supposed to look back on the worst time of your life and think "it didn't change until I changed." I don't know if I can take pride in that.. That kind of gets me into a deadlock. Of course, after you start medication and therapy, you'll probably start getting your head around those issues very quickly. And it sounds kind of self-serving: the more you put off getting help, the worse it'll get. ... Sorry about the length, but I hope it was helpful.

[@emmanicolecounselling]

@@florencefortyseven dont apologise for the length! I can absolutely cover this in a future video. Would you be okay for me to screenshot your suggestion and share it in the video, so I can then respond to it? Or would you prefer it if I didn’t share your details? It will be a more generalised response rather than specific to you, if that makes sense. But could provide some insight! :)

[@florencefortyseven]

@@emmanicolecounselling . I have no problem with that :).

[@emmanicolecounselling]

@@florencefortyseven check out my most recent upload :)

[@edusam666]

10x thumbs up

[@JuneTurner-dt4fb]

Sad that such a beautiful, intelligent woman could feel so bad about herself.

[@badforgiven1]

Feel like that every day

[@thestar8404]

💚

[@richardmaroon-joseph8538]

Thanks

[@segunojo2362]

Hope you are okay now

[@Alexlinnk]

🥰

[@jantaljaard835]

She is pretty.

[@JulieKelly-mq3nm]

Emma you have sad eyes❤❤❤❤

[@yvettecolley9133]

I have no one at all to support me. My own family ignore i even have mental health issues. I have had 2 attempts n my 3rd will be successful

[@wardygrub]

Are you still here?

[@brendas6461]

I hope you will reach out to a help holine, your life has value.

[@Sam-fp8zm]

believe in jesus for forgiveness of sins

[@shellejano2432]

Thank you

[@SailingMariner]

Islam does not allow suicide,you will see mostly no one in islam thinks about suicide

[@palapalak.8907]

Really?

[@nutmegriot209]

does she say how she attempted it or go into details of how it failed? Sorry if I missed it, I’m in a rushed place and skimming through as many videos as possible. I do like her message, and hope it helps alot of people .. I also think it’s ok for some people to die. I let someone down who was very innocent & pure and now they’re dead so I know I don’t deserve to live. And that’s ok. That person matters way more than me & maybe I’ll get to see his ghost if I die. I also think it’s ok if someone is terminally Ill and doesn’t want to go through all that w/drs taking care of them until they die, or have family remember them in that state. That can be a suffering process & not very graceful. I do hope most people seek help though.. not all cases are the same

[@dariusthurman8835]

I think I may kill myself soon. I feel like a complete failure at life. Lonliness and Regret feel Like the only real things in my life.

[@emmanicolecounselling]

Hi Darius, I really appreciate you taking the time to comment on my video. In the description I’ve linked some resources that, if you think may help, I can guarantee would want to hear from you. When you’re feeling as low as it sounds you are, you can feel like the only person in the world - whilst I can’t personally provide help to you - I can promise you that there is support available. Please check the links, Shout is also a great organisation that you can text at any time :)

[@marleeshore1387]

Are you still with us Darius?

[@brendas6461]

I think it's fairly cold hearted that you post a video like this but then don't respond to people in your comments who are suicidal. Jesus christ give them a link, a word or something.

[@WaryofExtremes]

She might have gotten an avalanche of comments over the years since she put this video up. She might be burnt out. Vent to me if you like. There are kind considerate people in the world. I thought I was okay, came off my ssri meds that I was on for years, had a friend say my partner and I are probably too old for kids, and that plus my sibling not planning on kids makes me very sad, beyond sad, that I probably won't have kids or nieces or nephews. I work by myself at an industrial place. Fumes, hard work, lack of communication with other operators, some not caring to do much... I've got the tiredness that comes with depression. I take naps inthe office. My partner wants property far away, that would have me in debt, traveling often etc... their parents are very old and far in one direction, and mine are old and in the other direction. I'm kinda ducked.. I have to force myself to do much other than shower and sleep, the things I like

[@user-yi5er5wq4s]

Consult with your Doctor and go for a "Yellow" Vitamin IV drip.

[@Swedishviking2]

Wow the way you explained how you felt about yourself in this video is exactly how I feel right now. I’ve always struggled with self hatred and low self esteem but I’ve hit an all time low since dealing with a chronic condition that affects my appearance. I no longer feel beautiful at all and worthy of love. I often have suicidal thoughts and just feel trapped. Thank you for your video and showing how things can get better ❤️‍🩹

[@LYYD.]

Thank you for sharing your story. You're such a brave soul to show such vulnerability. I'm currently in a really dark place and I'm documenting my journey with depression on my channel. Sending warmth your way. Stay hopeful as I strive to do the same. 🩷

[@angelsavita524]

I just want peace and happiness.