my bad

i keep to myself so much that i don't realize how little people actually know about me, even my family sometimes. so whenever i don't feel like hiding how i'm feeling on the outside and i'm caught looking all mopey and shit i just say i'm tired or even apologize at times. not the healthiest behavior, but i keep it away from them cause i know i'll be fine. nobody knows how anyone else's brain works when it comes to handling depression or stress. i know that everything will be okay in the long run but right now it's rough. but no one else knows how i work, and i don't expect them to, so i leave it unsaid so they don't worry. also, sometimes whenever i do let someone in on how i'm feeling, depending on how they react it can make me feel like things are worse than they seem to me, and it can stress me out more. so it feels like a lose lose situation a lot of the time. idk.
fun fact: this song was mainly written to a very heavily "men i trust" inspired instrumental i made. but i like it more when it's played acoustically.
hope you enjoy :)
insta & tiktok: @ryanthegardner
lyrics:
you say
i look tired on the outside
but if you knew all the little lies
i hammer in your head each day
so you think i'm a-okay
i think you would feel betrayed
after all, you love me too
but when i'm sad my honesty
sneaks out the door when you walk in my room
i feel like a burden
so, i lie to you when i'm hurtin
don't take offense it's for the best
i'm up when the sun is risin
you see me comin down to the kitchen
you ask if i slept i say not yet
you say
i'm quiet when we're out with
all of your friends there's nothin to say
i hope i don't come off as rude
but i only came for you
i don't like when they make jokes
about my outfits or my shoes
so when we're out my honesty
catches the breeze and blows out of the room
i feel like a burden
so, i lie to you when i'm hurtin
don't take offense it's for the best
i hope you don't find me cryin
cause, you'll probably wonder why
and i won't tell you the truth
i'll have an excuse
my bad
i got angry when you told me
i should cheer up cause there's nothing wrong
i guess the lies caught up to me
i'm sorry i left you
in the dark i know you care
but i don't want you thinkin bout me
just know i'm fine
at least i think
i'll be alright give me another week

[@tatsplgs3282]

This made my mind peaceful for 4min59

[@ryanthegardner]

glad i could help 😊

[@zekethechic]

i just found this song, and man. i relate to the description you wrote out, and hopefully music can be a good outlet for you. maybe the process of writing down how you feel and getting to express that this way can help alleviate the intensity of those feelings. i don't know you personally, but human to human, soul to soul, i hope things get better for you. not only in how they affect you, but also how you can process them. anyway, i hope you are well and i really enjoyed the song. stay strong ❤

[@mattalden10]

I've done this to my wife since I met her. Not anymore. People really do care to help and talking will only make it feel better. For me since I was a kid childhood PTSD controlled me until recently and I'm 22 years old. So that fear you feel when wanting to talk to someone. That crap is irrational. Do it in text, do it over the phone, do whatever it takes to tell someone how you feel because i can definitely tell you that negative instinct feeling like a burden is trauma. As far as my experience goes understanding it. Good luck to anyone who understands what im talking about or who ever truly understands this song. Much love to you beautiful person. Everyone has a child in them somewhere and sometimes they're in pain

[@enderquintero455]

I love this one 😩😩❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@billrussell6308]

More please 🙏

[@notyourjeffanymore]

Nice song man. I love this type of genre. Keep up the neat work man!

[@Vanessa-zxk]

please upload it on spotify, this song is beautiful

[@Snowi1]

hidden gem right here youre gonna be big one day

[@traveler6784]

Bro the "I only came for you" bit is actually so true to me. I feel like when there isn't that one person,I couldn't care less about what happens around me.

[@kendrasluss8517]

i love the picture :]

[@Ayeirs]

Your song resonates that feeling when someone is genuine, It reminds me a lot about my own innocence and stupidity when it comes to love. I appreciate you, making this a comforting feeling. You're an amazing artist.

[@Peanutzinyowalls]

I hope this songs gets popular one day its really great 🙏

[@laylonlee229]

Bro, just came from another song. This shit is fire, please keep singing and playing! You have an amazing talent and this kind of music helps me so much. I have so many mental disorders, CPTSD, Agoraphobia, Severe Panic Disorder, Depression, etc. all at the age of 20... Yay! Lmao. Thank you so much for sharing your gift because these songs are so great and help calm my mind. I am definitely subscribing!

[@ryanthegardner]

i’m glad i’m able to help :) one of the biggest reasons i started making music was that i hoped to be able to provide some sort of break from the chaos for people. so to know that the songs are actually doing that is insane lol

[@calamitywayblight4752]

KZbin algorithm has blessed me with this absolute masterpiece of a tune 💯💟

[@TOKYOGANG417]

Nice

[@nikolmp3]

I was very overwhelmed and this came in my recommended it calmed me down so fast and I almost fell asleep thank you for this 🖤 you're amazing

[@ryanthegardner]

glad i could help :) ❤️

[@kioumim]

The description is just sooo relatable and i love the song!!

[@No_ii_a___]

This is so painfully relatable. As I first listen to you , and then read the description I can only acknowledge how much of courage this might take to wears your feels on your sleeves. i’m glad you’re showing up and trust me your people will find you. Keep doing you as you do . Btw I truly enjoy this song acoustically I think it adds sm authenticity into it. Ps: sorry for my terrible English as it isn’t my first language

[@notyourjeffanymore]

I really love this song man :) thankyou for making this masterpiece. Don't give up!!! The words are relateable and understandable.

[@Sunrise_Moonfall]

Hello Ryan. I was listening to this song which is one I absolutely love that you wrote, it’s probably my favorite. Well one afternoon as I was listening to it I was thinking, “Hmm, what if there a part with her point of view.” So I wrote a verse that I think would sound really cool and I wanted to share it with you

[@ryanthegardner]

awesome! i’d love to hear it

[@jasieknowicki360]

love this

[@grongotheape6106]

i love your music

[@ryanthegardner]

thank you :)

[@calamitywayblight4752]

It's like if a beabadoobee song fused with a Billie eilish song and it's perfect 💯❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@colcosia]

Art as fuck.

[@jamierto]

beautiful

[@srlaenr]

damn

[@dodgeporter9978]

Is there anyway we can help get these songs on Spotify I love them?

[@ryanthegardner]

all that i am is going on spotify next week, i’m not sure about the other ones yet.

[@itzyoung]

@@ryanthegardner ryan i think this should also be on spotify too, but maybe i'm biased because i really really (REALLY) like it

[@amamart2074]

🤍🕊️

[@notyourjeffanymore]

Can you please tell me the chords?😅

[@ryanthegardner]

i gotta re learn it a bit but i will reply again soon with them :)

[@notyourjeffanymore]

@@ryanthegardner Okay sure man!! I really love this song. It's so relateable. Take your time man!!

[@ryanthegardner]

​@@notyourjeffanymore i can't remember what fret the capo was on, also the guitar was tuned down i think. but just move the capo around until the low e string is d sharp. or you can just play these shapes wherever you wanna put the capo lol. intro: C/G, F, C/G, G verses: C/G, F, C/G, F, FM chorus: C/G, E7, Am, Ammaj7, Am7, D7, G bridge: C/G, F, C/G, G that Am to D7 walkdown was hard to figure out lol. idk the names of the chords other than the Am off hand, i just know the shapes so i had to find a "what chord is this" site to figure it out lol. hope this helps, lmk if you need anything else :)

[@notyourjeffanymore]

​@@ryanthegardnerthankyouuu this is perfect enough dww.