My Best Friend's Wedding & Reframing Romance

[@trinaq]

I always liked how this romcom had Julia Roberts subverting her usual role. Instead of the plucky Heroine who gets the guy, she's the Villain Protagonist, who tries to sabotage things. I think that it's extremely refreshing that she doesn't end up with anyone, but realises the error of her ways. 💕

[@reginaldfairfield]

600th like. I totally agree.

[@giovannamautone]

@@reginaldfairfield and in "made of honour" Patrick Dempsey character does the EXACT same thing, even if in a less hurtful way, and yet he is the good guy trying to save his best friend from a bad marriage and getting her to love him, her true soulmate or whatever.

[@reginaldfairfield]

@@giovannamautone Yep! Exactly. And he really didn't deserve her. But we, the audience, also knew that she was pining for her, so he had to get her. In MBFW, Michael loved her, but he never pined. He was in love with Kimmy.

[@kmaldo16]

Yes her casting was clearly intentional I believe

[@BiologicalClock]

A few years back a VERY close male friend got engaged, one who I actually hadn't dated but HAD confessed my feelings for, and got the response a few years earlier that "I do like you a lot, but I'm honestly not ready to date anybody right now." I still had a lot of unresolved feelings for him, and for a while considered letting him know that I still loved him, but reminded myself that what I want isn't necessarily what he needs, and so I kept my mouth shut and attended their wedding without saying a word. They're very happy together and I know she's a much better partner for him than I would have been, so I'm glad I never said anything; I have no doubt that the only way things would have turned out differently is that I would have damaged or destroyed my friendship. I love this movie because I can relate to the feelings of "I loved him first, we're close, he should be with me", but the reality of the situation is that the best way you can show love to your friend is by supporting them and being there when they need you. It's a great cautionary tale.

[@lalalovinlifelala]

damn, thats a super mature of you

[@maggiemcfly5267]

Brava!!

[@ctso74]

You're awesome.

[@Fimbleshanks]

Wow, we've been in remarkably similar situations. Except I couldn't let go of how I felt, but I also couldn't hurt them with my feelings (which I notoriously wear on my sleeve), and so I let our friendship die out. I very much respect how you handled it. May your heart heal and your friendship stand strong.

[@sleepyghostgirl]

wowwww the way i relate to this--you put my exact feelings into words. the friend i used to love didn't get engaged but i was in a similar situation where we had both confessed our feelings for each other, but he wasn't ready for a relationship yet, so i said i'd wait for him. i waited and waited, and one day he was ready. but it wasn't for me. when he told me he was in a relationship with someone else i felt super cheated, like he had led me on. i pretended to be happy for him at first, but over time i just started lashing out more and more and making him AND the person he was with feel super uncomfortable. it ended up ruining our friendship, as well as my friendships with some of our mutual friends. i definitely really regret the way i'd acted and i wish i'd been as mature and graceful as you! it's funny actually because i remember watching this movie around the time i was pining over this boy and actually sympathizing with julianne--it's only recently that i've realized how messed up her actions were. it's funny how jealousy can blind you

[@bloodycoffee9293]

The idea that a main character has to be a good person or even likable is messed. Bad people as main characters make some of the best stories. It doesn't automatically mean the story is excusing the characters actions.

[@TheSongwritingCat]

Yes. Also, there are so many "unlikable" male protagonists who do terrible things. But most of the criticism is poured onto female protagonists for daring to be imperfect and make mistakes... you know, have a character arc.

[@lala-4458]

@@TheSongwritingCat sounds like sexism with the female characters sadly :(

[@caseyw.6550]

Right. Just depends on the framing.

[@HeatherMareeDesignStudio]

@@TheSongwritingCat Yes! The worst person in this movie *is* Michael. He's so fckn selfish and how he treats both women is plain disrespectful. He's supposed to be Jules best friend yet he doesn't tell her he's getting married until *HER* birthday. There's the super inappropriate interaction when Jules was undressed... Despite being engaged to another woman, he has placed his ex on a pedestal and doesn't keep that hidden from his future wife (if some dude was always talking about some other woman he dated, I would've noped the hell out of there lol) He's completely content with his fiancé giving up her entire life for him. Then after Jules kisses Michael and Kimmy sees, instead of doing the right thing and distancing himself from Jules (which is what would be best for Kimmy and Jules), Jules still goes to the wedding. It's not like her feelings just *poof* disappear when she apologizes. Seriously, Michael is the real villain and in hindsight, he definitely pitted these women against one another. Change *is* scary and with Michael getting married, Jules world was kind of being turned upside down and Michael's flirtatious and inappropriate behavior (since he's engaged to another woman) towards her did not help. Kimmy is an overly agreeable woman who puts aside her own wellbeing in order to seem like a good woman and *keep* her man/keep him happy. Michael takes full advantage of both these woman and he wins at the end. His character gives me Tom from Girl on a Train vibes. The perfect ending would've been Kimmy and Jules seeing Michael for what he is, Kimmy dumping him, and both ladies taking off on a trip together as genuine friends.

[@fruitygarlic3601]

But it's completely valid to criticise how their actions are framed. The excuse doesn't apply until the story acknowledges the main character is doing bad things.

[@yumemilee]

Side bar - it's incredible to me that fashion has come all the way back round - her confession look is on point for 2021.

[@beepboop4937]

ik like i need that crop top immediately 😳😳

[@OseiTheWarriors]

Time really is a flat circle lol

[@micalaking1904]

I was just thinking about that. The cropped sweater. Ugh

[@marinapedrinha7946]

Yesss something i can be glad for these days! I remember watching this as a kid in the early 2000's and thinking that outfit was so refreshing! It's been one of my favourite movie looks ever since, especially with the long curly hair

[@tomoeda555]

What about Rupert Everett's middle parted hairstyle? :P it's EVERYWHERE nowadays

[@Swayla]

I loved this movie as a kid! Idk why but something about Julia Roberts being so smart and beautiful and perfect on paper and even the main character still not getting the guy was so validating. Like sometimes, you just don't get what you want and it's okay.

[@reikun86]

Definitely subverted my expectations as a kid, because I was like "She's Julia Roberts, America's Sweetheart. Why shouldn't she get the guy?" I actually thought it was good that she didn't get the guy in the end, because her actions would have made it a shallower film.

[@elleliteracy]

people have such a bone to pick with this film because the main character is 'unlikable'... but who cares if she is? nobody bats an eye when there's an unlikable male character / anti-hero, but it becomes such a point of contention when it comes to unlikable female characters

[@run4508]

Misogyny

[@elleliteracy]

@@run4508 correct

[@mariedit9935]

I've noticed this

[@donsolo7860]

Tom from 500 days of summer. No one thinks he’s the the good guy.

[@ImbriumDream]

@@donsolo7860 true that he’s totally portrayed that way, but there is actually a huge swathe of “nice guys” who think Summer was the problem in that film.

[@zedworlds]

Hmmm... seems like the biggest difference between My Best Friend’s Wedding and the other movies mentioned is that in MBFW it’s a woman acting inappropriately, which is portrayed as bad, but in the rest of the movies it’s a man, so that’s romantic and admirable. Very inch resting... though I think if they made a movie about a man stalking a woman where it’s portrayed as bad, it would no longer be a romantic comedy...

[@madelinekilburn9510]

They did actually make a movie with a similar but gender-swapped premise 10 years later, Made of Honor. Except since it was a man pulling the stunts he ended up getting together with the best friend at the end.

[@TheFortunekid11]

That would just be a horror movie.

[@jonjay2909]

That would be the show You lol

[@stitchedwithcolor]

That's been my observation in general as well--that when the character persisting in chasing the object of their affections is a woman, the story will almost invariably frame her as stalkerish, creepy, just doesn't understand the word no. When (as is FAR more frequent) the pursuer is a man*, the story will give us some reason why it's ok because he just loves her (almost always a her) so gee darn much and also the guy she's dating is boorish, unfaithful, disrespectful, dull...The only exception to this i can think of is something borrowed, and even there it's sidestepped because the heroine doesn't so much aggressively pursue her target as admit that she loves him and then allow him to pursue *her*. I suspect the underlying reason behind this is that we're socialized to expect men to be the aggressor/initiator in heteronormative relationships, while women are supposed to take a more passive role. So a man pursuing a woman who's taken is just earning her love through persistence and protecting her from the unworthy, while a woman doing the same thing is being too aggressive and failing to wait for a man to pursue her like she's supposed to. You see a related pattern in a lot of asian rom com media. There, if the romantic leads have rivals pursuing them, the rival boyfriend is usually a kind soul who accepts defeat gracefully and becomes the heroine's lancer, while a rival girlfriend is almost always somewhere between evil and delusional, shamelessly manipulates everyone, and almost requires a restraining order to drive off. *I'd like to be able to talk about what happens when the pursuer is nonbinary, or when the romantic entanglement isn't heterosexual, but to the best of my knowledge, it's never happened in film or tv.

[@khanyangabase691]

It would be the Netflix original series, You.

[@shikonaori]

The fact that John Corbett was cut out of a film for being too idealistic of an ending just fucking slays me for some reason, like we're sorry John, you were too good for her

[@Ihatedayslikethis1]

Holy shit, SAME!

[@reikun86]

Haha I guess he was too good for Carrie Bradshaw in Sex in the City too. I really liked him as Aidan.

[@historylover9999]

@@reikun86 😂I was just thinking this same thing

[@AveryTalksAboutStuff]

"Your Honor, this is some bull***t here!" 😂😂😂😂

[@neivilde.1242]

hey you're here! iconic

[@AveryTalksAboutStuff]

@@neivilde.1242 hello! Good to see you! 😊

[@reikun86]

It's up there with Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny "Everything that guy just said was bullshit. Thank you."

[@waywardwillard]

This movie becomes even more amazing when you think of how its ripoff, Made of Honor, has the best friends get together and it just feels...wrong.

[@maggiemcfly5267]

Oh wow, I just made the connection between those two lmao

[@trinaq]

I agree, both movies have the EXACT same premise, the only difference is the ending, and the characters are gender swapped.

[@aiswaryabersan7983]

Boy chasing girl is romantic but girl chasing boy is creepy.

[@pdzombie1906]

Yeah, too bad she didn't mention it because 'Made of Honor' IS what people mistakenly criticize about 'My Best friend's weeding'...

[@pdzombie1906]

@@aiswaryabersan7983 No, best friend chasing engaged best friend is creepy no matter what gender is...

[@aneirys]

This movie reminds me a little bit of the series My Crazy Ex Girlfriend, especially the song ‘I’m the villain in my own story’.

[@OpqHMg]

YES

[@sanogoadamagyram8166]

And when I needed her the most, she returned!!!

[@trinaq]

I concur, everything is a thousand times better once Yhara uploads! 😻

[@djyua9157]

On God

[@grooviestmaster]

I concur

[@s.bakyhnh1756]

B E H O L D the cheese stick hath returned

[@jonrite4]

Also the way michael is looking at kimmy while she's singing, he's literally glowing it's the cutest shit in the entire world

[@ThexDynastxQueen]

Cool another episode of _"Video essays on stuff I've never watched yet like to hear Yhara's take on"_ .

[@JG-kk1mr]

you should def watch this one though, it's a gem of a movie!

[@rachelmarlett2771]

When I was a child I said my best friend’s wedding was a bad movie because they don’t end up together. My whole family was like ?? You’re missing the whole thing. And it’s like... yeah I was, but my little brain was trained for the formula, and didn’t care that Julianna was 100% wrong

[@dinodino5602]

I had the same reaktion when Fiona in Shrek didnt become a beautiful human again

[@justthetruth3950]

Yup, it happend to me too but with 500 days of Summer, I remember that when I was a kid I didn't like it because she didn't end up with him. Because in every rom-com that was what it was supposed to happen. I remember my mom laughing a little, because I was angry at the movie and her saying: "it's real life, sweety". Now at 23 I really really like it a lot, it's just how it should to be.

[@melancholica999]

Honestly I still don't really care. She, and her character with all her flaws is way more interesting and beautiful than bland ole Kimmie.

[@kahkah1986]

@@melancholica999 Yup, it is 'real life' but real life is often disappointingly predictable rather than fair or interesting, man chooses sweet blonde young woman rather than more complex, older woman, sigh, tale as old as time, but not exactly inspiring. Yeah, she is thinner and more fertile, his life will be calmer - but you can't help feeling he just lacks the courage to go with the more interesting person in some way, that he isn't enough to deal with the Julia Roberts character. She is embarrassing, but she's honest; he's just not able to rise to the challenge, imo.

[@jennyrodriguez811]

@@kahkah1986 She only got obsessed with getting him back after he told her he was getting married, and he had feelings for her before but she didn't reciprocate, so that premise is wrong. I suggest you rewatch the movie.

[@obliviouslyobvious]

the funniest thing to me rewatching this as a much older adult was realizing they're 28! they're super successful and very cemented in their careers AND well-adjusted enough (in their minds) to get married at 28?! that just seems absolutely crazy to me now

[@lovinani7]

I liked this movie as a kid for some reason but it wasn't until recently upon a rewatch that I ended up loving it! It's such a smart movie and I love that it doesn't resort to the tropes that we expect from romcoms, but instead turns them around and makes you realize that, yeah, love isn't always ours nor is it ours to claim when it belongs to someone else

[@TheSongwritingCat]

I appreciate that unlike other "subversions" it's realistic but it's not cynical. It doesn't try to tell you that romantic love isn't important or that Michael wasn't worth her time or that Michael and Kimmy will end up being miserable together. And it affirms platonic friendships too.

[@lovinani7]

@@TheSongwritingCat YES. I agree with all of this! This movie is truly a gem

[@UrbanDecayLova247]

@@TheSongwritingCat agreed! I loved that even though she didn’t get what she wanted in the end, they still validated the importance of platonic relationships with her gay best friend showing up.

[@Lavender09-r9i]

Tropes?

[@orangegreen3769]

"You're feeling that she's chasing after something that's already gone" I love this line you said because it's so real and so sad. She wants something that she had but it's not there anymore and there's no way for her to really ever have it back. He's moved on. And she knows she should too but she doesn't want to. That's what's so heartbreaking about it all. And god the toast scene always always brings me to tears bc it's like she's sending him off to his new life without her and she's finally understanding that it's over and she's letting go. But I love that it has a hopeful ending. I absolutely LOVED your analysis and agree with you 100%

[@LaneMaxfield]

I feel the same about some criticisms I've seen of Groundhog Day. I've heard people say, "oh my gosh, he is so toxic the way he tries to stalk his love interest, it's PROBLEMATIC," and I'm like... yeah, that's the point. And you know it's the point because he keeps getting caught out when he tries to win her over that way. And when she slaps him and storms off the framing is all about making you sympathetic towards her. And it's not until he lets go of chasing her and focuses on self-improvement that he ends up winning her... Have you watched the film? Framing is everything.

[@reikun86]

Such a good movie.

[@justice9818]

Media literacy is dying I swear cause how do people not understand ANYTHING

[@kamalaschmidt312]

I'm a huge romcom fan but I found there's something about mary unwatchable, gelt like a romcom geared more to men than to women. Obsessed with the fact that Cameron Diaz's character was cited as a big inspiration for Gillian Flynn while writing Gone Girl tho lol, the classic "Cool Girl"

[@greeneyesgirl467]

... Makes so much sense tho 😂

[@Lavender09-r9i]

Yeah it's gross, the whole movie, and along came Pauly is another horrible horrible one.

[@EJD339]

@@Lavender09-r9iI mean a lot of comedies pre 2005 didn’t age well. There are of course outliers but some movies I thought were hilarious make me cringe now knowing what we know now.

[@romanticulous4892]

I've always loved this movie exactly because of how Jules is clearly the villain AND DOESN'T GET THE GUY IN THE END. It was such a refreshing and honestly more realistic take on the genre. And while the movie has its problems (Kimmy's age, Jules' wardrobe) i love to revisit it to watch just how unabashedly messy and "evil" the main protagonist makes herself out to be, and how the writers actually dared to have her FAIL in the end, (but also own her awfulness and ultimately grow from it.) George's "Who's chasing you? Nobody!essence

[@BroeyDeschanel]

oh my god I haven't stopped thinking about this movie since I watched it in December! I'm so excited

[@Imyourcherryybomb]

Broeyyyyy ♡♡♡♡

[@JG-kk1mr]

queens supporting queens, we love to see it

[@reikun86]

He wasn't in it for too long, but I really appreciated Paul Giamatti as the hotel staff worker who sees a sad Julia Roberts. He sits down next to her, shares a cigarette, and says "This too shall pass." Whether she deserved it or not, it was a moment of kindness towards someone who was in pain.

[@elleliteracy]

i loved this video. rom-com's don't need to be realistic!! and that's why we love them. i probably thing about mindy kaling's quote about rom-coms on a daily basis - “I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world.”

[@florencia2033]

I have to say it "Who's chasing you?" is one of my favorites lines ever lol. I *love* this video, thank you for making it! My Bestfriend's Wedding it's a film that I appreciate for what it is since I was younger. I never knew how to explain why, but you did exactly that with this video.

[@theoriginalsuzycat]

It always made me sad, that line.

[@littleseaturtle]

yhara giving us a video essay on my best friends wedding???? god tier

[@MoonShadow333]

When I saw this movie years ago, I interpreted the ending as Julianne getting what she didn't know she needed. I saw that realization of loving Michael as fear of losing her best friend above all. Yeah there was some unresolved romantic feelings there, but it was more about losing their relationship as it was. Once she "lost him" she found herself with a new best friend thanks to George. IDK, that's what I understood

[@JC-yy8iv]

My best friend and I love this movie, we first saw it with my parents at the drive-in when we were 12, it didn’t really mean anything to us then. But later rewatches gave us even more reasons to love it, as we grew to understand it’s real message- that Julianne only convinced herself she suddenly wanted Michael because she was terrified of being left behind, and of losing her best friend to marriage. That deep, long-lasting friendships are undervalued in our culture at large, often eclipsed by dramatic, intense romantic stuff, and that those deep long-lasting friendships will be the ones that sustain you when romance lets you down.

[@danyramos8139]

I wish you made a second part taking this in mind and the movie Made of Honor with Patrick Dempsey. It's the exact same premise but he's a man and he gets the girl. He's never portrayed as "in the wrong" but his actions are framed as heroic. Even the man his romantic interest wants to marry is rich and "not what she would like".

[@IsabellaLembo]

George is the BEST character, I loveeeed him in the movie My Best Friend's Wedding

[@ashko808]

The older I get, the more I appreciate this movie, the more I realize that I am turning into my mother. (The "I Say a Little Prayer" scene is 100% iconic and thank you for making this video. 😂❤️❤️)

[@brittany6315]

.... the moment I wake up

[@thetrashcollector853]

But also it made me think: yes i love that the movie has the take that persistence is bad but why did it have to be told in literally the only romcom where this behaviour comes from a woman?

[@stephaniewozny3852]

I know. This behavior is bad in both sexes, but when coming from a woman, it seems less....threatening? The perception that a woman is less physically intimidating makes it more palatable. Yet, there are many, M A N Y real life examples of men where this behavior often turns violent, yet no one wants to tell a story where the man is the bad guy and is called out by another character (or characters) that this shit isn't cute or romantic and, dude, STOP IT AND LEAVE THIS POOR WOMAN ALONE. Other people have already brought up _Made of Honor_,and how that guy got the girl, when it should have ended more like _My Best Friend's Wedding_.

[@thetrashcollector853]

@@stephaniewozny3852 literally! And when they try do it in something like You it’s STILL romanticised and not taken as seriously as it should be and is in the real world! Like in The Notebook when he literally threatens TO KILL HIMSELF but the scene in the rain is the iconic scene?

[@sleepyghostgirl]

yesss i feel like in movies persistent men are often seen as charming but when a woman is persistent then suddenly she's desperate or "crazy"

[@alexandraclavijo8149]

What triggers me more is the mindset of "women are angels who can't do bad deeds". Have this people ever looked at some women killers who were SO obsessed with their partner/crushes that they ended up killing them because the other person tried to scape from those psychos? Both, men and women can be very threatening. Julia was an awful almost really scary character. Yes, she wasn't as crazy as an mentally ill person, because it was at the end of the day, a romcom, but she was awful nonetheless. I wish we could have more films where the stereotypical stalker (women or men) shows the audience that is not romantic and innocent that behaviour. And it doesn't even need to be a horror movie perse! I think it can be other genre without having to minimise the message! Anyway, I don't think those movies were the MC is an "stalker" who ended up winning need to be ban. I still like them, but I think we just need the other perspective to remind us that is not an ideal and healthy way to start and have a romantic relationship.

[@emmagsfa]

the movie when we first met follows a similar premise with a guy! so it’s good to see we’re moving in the right direction. also shows like you have specifically been created to critique the “nice guy stalker” trope

[@thetrashcollector853]

I wish ppl watched it instead for the message at the end; friends are everything! Cherish your gay friends cos we’re great!

[@reikun86]

Let's be real: we all watched it for Rupert Everett. That guy was fantastic in this movie.

[@ckind2098]

I'm so glad other people like this movie, it's one of the ones I periodically go back to and rewatch. I've always loved that she doesn't ultimately get the guy and the garbage she does isn't rewarded, and at the same time, she's allowed to be a flawed person and feel what she feels. It's funny, ridiculous, and bittersweet in a way that feels genuine

[@mmelanoma]

Yes to all this. I like how Julianne is kind of an antihero that actually learns her lesson at the end, and you see her learn it. I wish we had more

[@reikun86]

I'm curious about your interpretation of Tom from 500 Days of Summer. I think he grows a little bit, but then he meets Autumn at the end. It's hard to say if he carries these lessons into the new relationship, or if he continues the cycle.

[@emilyrln]

"I… I could be jello." "No. Crème brûlée cannot be jello. *You* can't be jello." *"But I have to be jello!"* Also, that helium trio is based.

[@reginaldfairfield]

*you light up my seeeeenses!*

[@WhoSpeaksShe21]

This.

[@lo5338]

An excellently written female protagonist - human. We're all flawed, that's part of what makes us interesting to each other.

[@doperagu8471]

This kind of reminds me of that How I met your Mother episode with the "Dobler or Dahmer" hypothesis... like the same "grand romantic gesture" can be viewed as either romantic or serial killer creepy depending on the recipient's perspective of the actions. Dobler, as in the guy who holds the boom box over his head in Say Anything. and Dahmer, as in the serial killer who lobotomized and killed young men, among many other depraved things. So, if you're into it, that romantic gesture is adorable and romantic like Dobler. But if you're not into it then that same action immediately becomes stalker-y and creepy, hence a Dahmer. Unfortunately, too many think of themselves as the Dobler in their own "love story," when they may be actually looking like a straight up Dahmer to their love interest. Anyways, that concept has always stuck with me.

[@channiballecter]

So true. HIMYM is so iconic!

[@reikun86]

Ooh. Good point. A villain never thinks they're the villain in their own story.

[@estadoagridulce]

this movie is my favorite romcom, every time i catch this film on tv i watched it. There's something about dancing with your gay best friend at the wedding of your friend, who you also love, with the sound of Aretha Franklin and just knowing that you'll be alright that SENDS ME. This film is a rare film where our protagonist doesn't get what she wants, but we know it's okay.

[@magnisky]

I had a guy best friend who I thought we’re perfect for each other. We never confessed; way too chicken shit to say anything. And I am pretty sure it wasn’t one-sided but we chose our friendship first always. He got engaged and quickly got married during covid 2020. This movie makes me look introspectively and tells me to chill. I wish him and his wife the best, truly.

[@ChrisBrooks34]

Consent is SEXY!!!

[@nonalolagirl]

I was thinking about this recently (the first few minutes and the impact of romantic films on my love life) because my expectations of how men should behave have all come from shows and movies. And I don't have high expectations or anything, I just expect someone to show that they care. I expected that if men truly cared, they wouldn't let "love" slip through their hands. Then I was watching Emily in Paris and the characters were talking about how the French don't have happy endings in their movies like Americans do. And my mind shot back to this very depressing French film from the 50s that I watched when I was mid 20s about this married couple that have just a trash relationship and it ended. It left me feeling hurt and broken because I had never seen such an ending to what looked like a romantic film. I kept waiting for things to get better and it didn't. After that line in Emily in Paris, I realized I hadn't seen enough of those endings and I finally realized why the ending wasn't "happy," but actually more realistic. Not seeing enough examples in my life on how to cope when things don't go the way we expect it, led to me to feel some trauma through my life from being rejected/ghosted/spurned/mistreated. Seeing so many examples of people in toxic situations and ending it with "at least we love each other and we keep coming back to each other, we're so happy" and thinking you weren't in love unless you had daily arguments... I was more critical about those situations but I still allowed some less obvious toxic treatment in my love life. And overall, I couldn't accept what was happening to me. I kept thinking a positive mindset and truly believing in love would fix it. I waited for the pain to go away from one experience and then went out into the dating world and experience with the same expectations of finding "true love." Only to find that most single men weren't looking for that. I got this ride or die image of love from a young age, that if your feelings were real, love was always worth fighting for. And that if you really loved someone you'd risk your life for them. I'm sure it made many men feel that behaving in toxic manners was what women wanted as well, such as stalking and ignoring it when we reject them> Or that played out "bad boy" trope. In reality, I had zero experience with men until I was in college. And none of those college guys were like the ones in the movies and shows. They we're NOT going out of their way to impress or stalk me. They literally left me alone. Always lmao. Especially when they liked me. Now that I am older I realize that I had to work on my acceptance issues that I never learned as a child. That people are the way they are, rejection is what it is, heart break is pain and I had to accept that. I had to learn how to better cope with rejection. I had to learn that remunating past events was not a good thing. I had to learn to stay present and not live in the past. Not being stuck in the good times and only the good times like all of these movies and shows taught me. Oh how I had wished that I had a balanced look at "romance" when I was a kid and I would have known that sooner. It's not exactly something your parents can teach you unless they intentionally train you to keep expectations low. Just the addition of more French endings to movies and shows would have made a world of difference. It's sad that us youth are so dependent on gleaning life experience from these stories, but sometimes it's nice to fantasize. As long as we know it's not reality.

[@bobbio100]

I watched this movie for the first time as an adult after seeing the VHS laying around my house for years; my parents not feeling it was appropriate for me to watch (very conservative). I loved this analysis because I had a very cynical takeaway from the film - I didn't really feel the main relationships had a lot of on screen chemistry so I had trouble sympathizing with Julianne. But this vid made me re-evaluate and appreciate the subversion in her story. I absolutely loved Rupert Everett's character and his relationship with Roberts. He carries the movie, imo. Anyway, another perfect vid from an underrated channel

[@aathenaiz6151]

lol what? i think i’ve been watching this film since i was born, very different families

your voice is so soothing

[@flovonnejohnson707]

I'm a girl who grew up very uncomfortable with romance movies and I couldn't figure out why until I got older. Scenes from movies like the notebook, love actually,he just not that into you and ....... Twilight 🙄😒 all frame what these guys did as romantic but let's face it,it only seems romantic if the girl likes him back, if she doesn't then everything these guys do is creepy,stalker-ish and low key abusive. Rewatching the notebook as an adult was horrible for me...... He literally got her to go on a date with her buy threatening to kill himself...... 😱 Who does that?!?! They also perpetuate the idea that being treated terrible by a badboy is ok because he loves you & him being controlling/aggressive and jealous is just his way of showing his love. And that a terrible guy will change once he has the love of a good woman. And teenagers and young women eat it up...... Young boys too (there are alot of young people taking their romantic ques from these movies) it's dangerous and half of these characters give off warning signs of abusive relationships 🤦🏽‍

[@reikun86]

I actually got really pissed off when a platonic friendship turned into romance. I think platonic relationships are wonderful, but shipping and the "oh you guys are so cute together" always tries to turn into something romantic.

[@NicholeGreenNicholeGreen]

Phew 😅 I was worried you were going to tell me I had to stop loving my favorite movie

[@brittany6315]

Right!?!

[@lala-4458]

I have a history test in like 15 mins, but I think I'd rather just watch this instead of study

[@illchangemyusernamewhenith9130]

How did you do

[@lala-4458]

@@illchangemyusernamewhenith9130 my teacher hasnt graded it yet!

[@lala-4458]

@IntrepidFinch i got a 9, 101 out of 105

[@isabellewillhaveapicnic4091]

@@lala-4458 congrats ^_^

[@lala-4458]

@@isabellewillhaveapicnic4091 thank you

[@mus7c]

i remember watching this movie and actually paying attention to it sometime in my midteens because my dad has always had a crush on julia robets so he made me watch but this was the first time I actually sat down and listened. i remember being so frustrated with juliane because i wanted her to get the hit so bad! i wanted her to realize what she was doing was wrong and harmful for everyone, even herself. she was making up her own love story out of something that was dead and gone. and i just wanted her to get the hint that i was over and move on, find someone else to pour all that passion over and who would pour it right back. but regardless she kept committing more and more horrible deeds "in the name of love" and i just wanted to pull my hair out. i think i screamed at my screen at some point when my dad left the room lol. she was so frustrating but in sense, i could still relate to the feeling of wanting something you can't have. all the crushes i had on people around me were a) on friends who eventually got a partner and part of now find them enticing, or b) someone who just suddenly showed up in my dreams for some unknown reason. my crushes never lasted more than a month because it was never anything more than infatuation, and a part of me always felt that that was what juliane was going through too. did she love her friend? yes, but i also think a part of her always knew she was just chasing him because he couldn't have him anymore. that's my silly take on this movie!

[@user-xb5bz4fu9o]

Wilbur Soot also wrote comedy songs about this in his E Girl Trilogy, Karen Come Back I Miss the Kids, and the Nice Guy Ballad. It's all satire on guys who think they're being romantic and the hero by never giving up, but the girl clearly isn't interested and he's also hurting himself by not letting himself move on. Also, Your New Boyfriend just slaps in general, would recommend!

[@HelloMyNameIsDreamer]

omg, i just went into your chanel to see if i'd missed an update and... "23 seconds ago", so psyched!

[@olivioli_]

Omg I just watched this movie for the first time this weekend it was a game changer for me. I couldn’t believe how fresh it felt so many years later so this video came at just the right time!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

[@brittany6315]

Such a good movie.

[@neivilde.1242]

"...and finding my perfect half or whatever"

[@zenfromthemovies9432]

Every time u pause in exasperation>> I love the moment when u watch a movie or show about a “bad person” and u realize that’s the entire point. It’s ok to hate them and it’s fun to see how their minds work; but there has to be an awareness. Luv this vid c:

[@nix2747]

I hated this movie so much for all of its life (right up until I watched this analysis) because J. Roberts' character was just so unlikeable. And I really hated that Michael was constantly flirting with her. Like in the most obvious ways he was giving her mixed signals which only encouraged her crappy behaviour. But you reframed it in my mind so thank you for that!.

[@monroycarolina6907]

The way my mom is in love with this movie and we constantly repeat that "and who's chasing you", well my mom knows the whole movie by heart. Honestly I will defend this movie to death. I can accept certain criticism for it, but never when it is made to be seen as a toxic movie that hasn't aged well.

[@reikun86]

I can't call it a toxic movie because her behavior was toxic and the movie called her out on it, then she tries to do the right thing at the end. If anything, this movie aged like fine wine.

[@adoresessy101]

B1A4's Lonely at the end lmaooo.

[@yolklor]

ikr! i was hoping somebody else noticed lol

[@dedelaw2]

THANK YOU. It was so familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it.

[@alexis-marie_9920]

B1A4 is underrated as well as Infinite and MBLAQ and I will never shut up about it

[@toaster19_32]

It was so random i questioned my perception of reality xD

[@licanraymartinez5865]

I was searching for this comment 🤣

[@pinkpuffunicorn]

This was great! Next do a video about 500 Days of Summer so I can just show people that instead of going on a 30min rant whenever someone uses Summer as an example of a manic pixie dream girl!!!

[@BonnieFontana]

Thank you for making this video. My Best Friend's Wedding is third on my absolute most favorite movies of all time (of course I have that list) and Julianne's manipulation taught me from a very young age how NOT to approach relationships. This movie left a mark in me when I was 5 years old and it still moves me to this day. Whenever I bring it up when talking to my mom she always complains that she doesn't like it because Julianne doesn't get Michael in the end, and I always tell her she missed the entire point of the movie: you don't get love through manipulation, and that's a GOOD THING. It's so sad to see people missing the point entirely or just simply reducing this movie to a silly-little romantic movie with your 'typical toxic bs'. This movie deserves so much more recogition for subverting rom-com's cliches whilst also appealling to a rom-com audience who just wants to have a good time. For some reason I always find myself watching it when I'm sad, I think it's because it reminds me that you can't always get what you want and that's okay; also because when I feel like a shitty person, Julianne and George remind me that that doesn't mean I don't deserve friendship and companionship. It feels like a hug. A bittersweet hug. When I found your video on my home page I literally felt my heart skip a beat because there isn't enough content on youtube about the absolute brilliance of this movie, so once again I thank you. I hit the subscribe button immediately after the video ended. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[@ambersummer2685]

I find it interesting that her other guy friend was gay and bc of that it helped learned her lesson or didn’t just replace her feelings with someone else to fill in a void of “losing” her true love. If he wasn’t gay, she’s just go to him for comfort.

[@cherrybepsi]

omg a romcom video essay 🥺🙏🏽💖

[@RamenzillaX]

The “I say a little prayer” scene is the dictionary definition of iconic. Also, what sold me on this movie was the scene where (after all the shit she’s done) she begs him to “pick me” (shout out to the OG pick me girl) and in most movies this would result in her getting the guy, but this movie ends with her having to move on not being picked. Good stuff.

[@famco_inc737]

The corridor scene where the guy tells her this thought shall past always got to me. Especially during theses hard times! Great video!

[@StephanieKrespach]

The algorithm brought me here, I'm SO GLAD it did. Subscribed and yes...I've been binging your content

[@millierock9177]

also the iconic scene with the boys singing with helium in the background

[@mysticangel192]

I was mad that she was chasing after a guy WHO WAS A BUTTHOLE! He was dragging her along for the WHOLE. ENTIRE. MOVIE. he was like the king of mixed signals and then he turned around and blamed her for going crazy from all of his manipulative mind games. In conclusion, I don't think that she was right but he was also extremely wrong. There are just some things you don't do with someone who you have no feelings for (i.e. slow dancing in a sensual way with them, saying things like "I have seen you in less before" and giving a sly smirk (the part where she was in a bra and underwear after changing), and staring into someone's eyes like you long for them). He literally said, verbatim, that he had feelings for her when they were in the cab and then he was like confused and disgusted when she finally said that she had feelings for him before the wedding. That man annoyed me to no end I swear.

[@otterzrkuhl]

The ending of this movie was such a big deal to me. The idea that it’s ok to not end with your dream romance because friendship can be enough. Just dancing can be enough. That means a lot to me and it’s not often the message.

[@auroraseyets8516]

I love this movie too, for all the same reasons. And the soundtrack is so great. 🥺

[@debkunkel5840]

Still my favorite rom-com precisely because she doesn't end up with the guy, Michael doesn't suddenly realize "it's been Julianne all along' and yes, the last scene of her with George. Having her meet someone at the reception to potential have her "happy ever after" would have ruined all this movie set up- so glad they changed it.

[@tankajahari]

This movie and brittany murphy’s little black book have taught the 13 year old me that you don’t have to get the guy to have your happy ending, even if you don’t get the guy it’s not the end of the world

[@michaelconcepcion4165]

ugh truly such a well done take on this genre! this is also one of my all time favorite movies. it is so genius, funny, and human

[@natwixterthan18]

"Who's chasing you?" Damn.

[@LimeIsTheName]

there's a semi-similar French movie called "he loves me... he loves me not" where this woman becomes obsessed with this man and believes that she's dating this man. its really good, I suggest you watch it if you haven't :)

[@JG-kk1mr]

THANK YOU! So many "woke" "think pieces" completely ignore how Julia Roberts is framed in MBFW. The movie knows she's in the wrong, it shows us, it tells us. How some people compare her to other toxic, won't-take-no-for-an-answer "romantic leads" is beyond me when she is a clear and clever subversion of the trope. Such a great movie, now I wanna rewatch it lol

[@berivanozkocak2446]

My Best Friend's Wedding is one of my favorite romcoms, I still remember watching it in theatre with my best friend and leaving the salon singing the songs from the movie in the streets of Ankara. I love the character Julia Roberts is portraying because she has flaws, big ones that you cannot ignore. But you can also see that she is not a bad person, she is not a psychopath. I can emphatize with her even if I cannot imagine myself doing the things she did but none of us is blameless considering the things being done in the name of love even if they are not that extreme. In reality just persistence does not accomplish anything and we all learn that in some way. And this movie is honest about it. So this video made me want to watch the movie again, thanks for the fresh perspective.

[@rebecastoesser7529]

In that moment right before she’s about to dance with him she has a moment to get him back. When he said you need to tell someone you love them before the moment passes you bye he waits for it when she doesn’t say he makes a sad face.I noticed that last night when I watched it

[@i.aint.1.of.ur.little.friends]

I noticed that. It makes it seem like he was always waiting for her to come back to him, as if all this time he'd been hoping she would come back and make the move this time. He fell in love with someone else instead. I just don't like the idea of her wanting Michael only when she saw someone else has him. You had all that time to realize this. It's messed up.

[@charmaineespeut4627]

Micheal low key lead her on during the boat ride. Kimmy deserved better, he really was going to leave her a day before their wedding if Julianne confessed her love at that moment. Micheal was trash.

[@tyresmith9833]

I feel the real reason is that Julianne wasn’t in love with Michael romantically. She was scared because she felt she was being replaced by Kimmy because she was used to it being just her and Michael. When friends enter relationships, we often feel that we are being replaced by that person and the dynamic between friends will often change. She didn’t want her to take her place in his life.

[@gentlemanscarecrow5987]

Your videos make me care about genres that I was previously ambivalent to. I really want to watch movies like Heathers, The Craft, and Welcome to the Dollhouse now, among others you've talked about, I just have to wait until I forget all the plot details.

[@taylor96]

this movie is a masterpiece, end of story. my favorite rom com of all time

[@kristavaillancourt6313]

I've always hated the notebook.

[@mk.mn.8684]

oh my god she’s back we’re blessed

[@nano15j]

The best thing about this movie is that it was in the end about friendship!

[@judeeltahir8734]

yess your back!! i love my best friends wedding

[@straitJacketFashion]

Had this on a vhs double bill as a child. Watch this a lot, never watch the other film (I think it was Steel Magnolias - maybe I should).

[@marteena81195]

This movie is kinda my guilty pleasure and I could watch it over and over. The reasons are exactly everything you stated in your essay + Julia's magnificent hair in combination with those fab sunglasses.

[@MattSaysHello]

Great video. Really great video. I love this film but now have a deeper appreciation for it. Thanks you.

[@tattletale9998]

Great video! Love the use of B1A4's Lonely instrumentals at the end of the video, such an underrated song.

[@itzelmartinez5519]

Right!! I knew the song sounded familiar but couldn’t quite figure it out lol

[@garrettp7003]

Thank you so much for pointing out how framing and context is so crucial in good story telling. I liked this movie as a kid because of that reason and the office and it's always sunny are two of my favorite comedies and it's because of the fact that though these people do outlandish things, they aren't let off the hook just because they're the main characters. What an excellent video.

[@meiday154]

This is War was an absolute mess but the chemistry between Tom Hardy and Chris Pine should definitely be utilized again

[@pdzombie1906]

Many videos on how people misunderstand 500 days of summer, but this is the first I watch about 'My Best friend's wedding'. Great analysis! Thanx!!!!

[@julias_pie]

I think many hate the movie for Julianne's character (very immature and hard to watch as an adult, understandable) but it's actually a good, subversive romcom, at least I enjoyed it for that reason. The guy who plays Roberts' friend was an important addition to the movie imo. You have a character basically representing the audience and calling out Julianne. So when you watch it, it reassures you that the writers are certainly aware of her bad behavior and that she won't get rewarded for it. Btw, Diaz's character was endearing and the karaoke scene was so wholesome, one of my favorites. Having a character get applause for mustering up the courage to sing even if they suck at it, I just love to see it. Wish we had more of that in the media.

[@macey463]

I’ve been looking for videos that describe romance because I want to do essays on them from a perspective of an aromantic - thanks for the perspective

[@camdenhunt7565]

Ahhh omg thank you so much for making a vid about this movie! I saw this for the first time with my mom when I was like seven and it became our favorite movie, I have watched it over and over again through out my life and I always saw Julianne as the "quirky fun girl" and Kimmy as the "perfect girl", but this movie is so much more complex and the female characters are so much more multi-faceted than that. I watched it again recently as a 28 year old and phew, it hits so differently when you are the age of the characters lol There is so much pressure once you reach a certain age to settle down, have kids etc. and there is no doubt in my mind that Julianne's character felt that pressure too and was willing to do whatever she thought she had to do in order to have that life. I love that we are moving towards a time where romantic love and friendships and love in general are different and can be framed differently. And I enjoy the ending with her and her friend, I would like to think that was her finding maybe not the love that she wanted but the love that she needed at the time. Sometimes we find that love that we need (platonic friendships) and not the love that we want (romantic love). Which at the time (1997) for a rom com was revolutionary, the main character rarely ends up alone. Also I could be wrong but I think it was one of the first films that had an openly gay character being played by an openly gay actor so props for them on that too!

[@raq619]

I understand that no media exists in a vacuum, and that stories and their framing can, and will, inevitably affect viewers' mindsets when repeated enough. All of that is completely correct. But I feel in recent years there's been this attitude towards stories involving romance and sex that says they can't just be entertainment or comedies or tragedies or power fantasies like any other story gets to be; they also have to guidelines for 100% non problematic healthy relationships, sometimes before anything else. And I just feel like that's not a super healthy way to interact with stories.

[@TheSongwritingCat]

YUP. I also find that (usually male) critics are very harsh on elements of romantic stories that are just tropes of the genre. Yeah, instalove is silly. But we need to get the plot going. There are valid critiques to be made but a lot of it feels like a CinemaSins POV.

[@jessharkness5534]

exactly....i don't want to watch a movie about a completely realistic relationship. most of the time i watch movies to be distracted from real life and fantasize

[@CDLatin]

That si the point of talking about framing. As much as I have problems with Killing Eve the shows murderous character is never played as a good person. It is only because the show frames her in some ways as "the bad guy" that we the audience can feel comfortable watching her kill people every episode. Sure, part of that comfort-ability is because it isn't real but another part is that the show isn't demanding we agree with her to watch her. The show isn't framing her as the good guy. Something like The Notebook frames deeply abusive actions as something you should root for and that can alienate the audience.

[@Aster_Risk]

That's not true. Otherwise we wouldn't have rom coms and tv shows with these tropes still coming out and doing well. If you want to remain in a bubble and never discuss anything past a surface level, you don't have to, but you're on a KZbin channel that does media analysis.

[@raq619]

@@Aster_Risk I'm sorry but I think you and @pink_calculators have misunderstood me. I'm not demanding anyone stop thinking critically about or critiquing the media they consume. What I mean is that romance is held to a very different standard than other genres (especially when it's centered around a female character.) For the most part people don't expect others to become axe murders after watching a slasher flick and not to become a vigilante after watching a superhero movie, but that separation between fiction and reality goes out the window wherever romance and sex are concerned, and it doesn't make any sense. You're correct that actual critical thinking doesn't have to come at the cost of entertainment, but unfortunately when a lot of people say "think critically about the media you consume", what they really mean is "hate exactly what I hate in the same exact way I hate it." EDIT: I also wasn't complaining about Yhara Zayd? I'm subscribed to her and agreed with this video, lol

[@kaskus7147]

This is one of my mom's favorite movies. She even had "say a little prayer" as her wedding song when she married my step-dad.

[@alexis1217]

B1A4 lonely boy is so good to such great video!!

[@skylar8685]

This is the best romantic comedy to exist and I won’t hear any other retaliations

[@skylar8685]

It was SO AHEAD OF ITS TIME (Not a fan of the casual racism and outdated 90s political incorrectness BUT SRSLY so refreshing)

[@Nono-hk3is]

Thank you Yhara!

[@starxmon]

your videos are always top tier no matter what you talk about

[@elizabethgranger21]

My Best Friends Wedding is one of my favourite romantic comedies of all time! Thank you for taking the time to defend it - it's what it deserves. Also yes, the Say a Little Prayer for You scene is BRILLIANT. The same director made another movie called Muriel's Wedding which is similar in tone and really amazing, too!

[@isabellastruckman7371]

i'm so in love with every single essay you come out with it's getting ridiculous