My Boyfriend Is Angry At The Way I Drink Coffee "Under His Roof" r/Relationships

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

"My house, my rules" I'm too petty, I would've been like: "So when are you getting your own house for these rules to live in?" 😂😂😂

[@LeoInAMillion]

Ikr 😂

[@paulagoeringer9466]

Or just "who's house?" While sipping coffee ☕😂

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

This made me laugh!

[@franceskitching5701]

​@@paulagoeringer9466 hope thats not a cold one! 😂

[@Trijem]

Coffee Control. Excuse me? Ok, but isn't this your parents estate? Which has NOTHING TO DO WITH COFFEE. 😮 I like coffee this way and that way, depending on my mood, the weather, the traffic conditions. 😮. Next! (No, I'm not a redhead, but I think like one. Get over it.) Next 🤨. (Luv U Hannah K.H. 20yrs later I still wish you and yours the best) - Kimo - 😊 🐾🐺🐾

[@shellchenonceau6987]

I gave a child (my fiancé's kid) a princess costume & took her to a halloween party. She was SO happy, because her mother ALWAYS made her wear an ugly witch costume, while her golden child sister always got to be a princess...sick mum for sure. She was only a 7 year old kid at the time.

[@peachesnsht]

The issue with what mom did is not the costume itself but that she wanted to make Op something she's not. My mom made me plenty of costumes. My favorite one was one of an elephant when I was 5. Funny thing about that is that the parents were supposed to dress up for "the kid's day" (celebration of the childhood, April 30th, Mexico). And she ended up borrowing my ears and tail to "perform" with the other parents (btw, my mom was pregnant xD she wasn't aware at the moment). Costumes are a bonding experience with the kids, they will tell you who they are with their choices, all parents need to do is listen. It could be the crappiest costume but they will ALWAYS remember it as the best and most perfect thing ever if parents just let them be themselves.

[@MCBRUCE76]

This compassion, love, care, and sympathy for others is what I call moral values, which every human should have. I am sure you are and will be a great mom, you showed what is important to the little girl, now that girl will cherish your relationship for the rest of her life. Wish there were more mothers like you out there. God bless you dear.

[@LadyLeomon]

This legitimately made me angry to hear … please what happened with your STB-stepdaughter since then?

[@runawayfromtoads674]

OP's mom who hated Snow White didn't 'need' that reality. She wanted to control the narrative and be the quirky mom - instead of the one who hurt her kid. Glad OP didn't 'let it go' and spoke her truth. (Sorry, that comment really peeved me off hhh)

[@messinalyle4030]

OP's role model was Snow White, not Elsa. She was under no obligation to "let it go."

[@andresibarra3473]

it feels like the mom treated or wanted to treat op like a doll And that one comment did felt pretty judgy like "i let it go so im cool becuase it doesn't afected me"(pun intended),one could also take that sentence as them being a doormat

[@brookelynnwu8016]

@@andresibarra3473 I think the mom is jealous of her own daughter and wanted to humiliate her for that. Ironically, similar to the original snow white’s mother.

[@brookelynnwu8016]

Mom is a total narcissišt. Bullïes her very young daughter for being helpful in a way she knows she will be made fun of. But then tries to retell the story years later and paint herself as the hero. OP should go NC.

[@Nortarachanges]

I don’t think the mom was right at all. But I do feel for her as someone who is very nerdy trying to help a very cool kid through life. I have enough side eye to include the other girls and teachers who made fun of her just because she was a hot dog. Truly only OP and maybe the boyfriend were innocents in that story

[@sandrag3854]

Story 1: his "apology" sounds like it he used ChatGPT.

[@Tammohawk1]

2. What a messed up situation. Cheating with a woman is the same as cheating with a man. Having sex with someone other than your partner is still cheating. Don't know if I could deal with that.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

Yeah. So weird for them to not say “wife continued to have an affair through September after we went exclusive”.

[@AppleStrawberryLove]

Story 3: That mom was awful. My mom wasn't a huge fan of princesses and such. But I was. Guess who had a Queen of Hearts, a Cinderella, a Princess Bride, a Swan Princess, and basically every other princess costume I wanted? Me. Because my mom understood that it wasn't about what she wanted. I had to be happy in my costume because it's about the kid having fun, not you.

[@liabowden8526]

Dude, even Princess Bride?! 🤘🤘💚

[@AppleStrawberryLove]

@@liabowden8526 yup. It is one of my favorite movies even as a kid. (There was one period where I watched it daily for two weeks straight.) Sadly no one got it because I am not blonde or blue eyed.

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Story 3: lol Mom is the evil queen. What she did was abusive and the fact that she chose to retell the story shows that she’s delusional enough to believe her own BS Edit: also the update shows that mom was kinda a “not like other girls” to the point of being neglectful and not teaching her child basic life skills like cleaning.

[@marshawargo7238]

She wanted to be the cool mom, a best friend to OP, not a parental role! She wanted other kids to tell OP "I wish my mom was like yours"! But OP wanted to blend in & be like everyone else! I bet mom wished that her mom was "the cool mom"! I don't think she dressed OP as a hotdog to embarrass her but thinking the other kids would wish they'd had a cool, different than everyone else's costume! I'd be willing to bet that mom would have gone to school with OP as a hamburger, if she could! Probably spent the afternoon imagining the other kids saying how cool OP & her mom looked, if she had been able to go!

[@MizMorgue1]

Yeah, Mommy had/has some deep ugly issues. I'm glad OP has spine and put mom in her place.

[@foureyedelf6151]

Oh no no no, the mom ABSOLUTELY did it to embarrass her daughter, to punish her. Not for making a mess in the kitchen, but for not being her little mini-me.

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@marshawargo7238it wasn’t that OP wanted to blend in and be like everybody else, she wanted to be herself which alines more closely to the other children around her

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@foureyedelf6151 she only instilled negative connotations to cooking on her daughter, a basic skill everyone needs to survive literally

[@BambixLynn]

“..and then I had a cup of coffee” That made me smile

[@AndyyWithAY]

Ma'am what TF is going on?? You cheated on this man and got PREGNANT and you kept the photos from this summer of love?? And you're upset he saw the photos you stupidly kept. And you're still in contact with these people. I just can't

[@foureyedelf6151]

Yep. She "forgot about it". After FOUR house moves. Four. Idk about you but when I move, I find things I forgot about, and if it's trash, I get rid of it. Course it's creepy enough that she had it in the first place. It only shows she wanted her little frick pack to last forever, and furthermore , had no respect for the child that died. I wouldn't want anything hanging around after four moves reminding me of my miscarriage, UNLESS it was something hopeful or positive related to the child, much less proof of cheating. Good lord. She absolutely harbored feelings for her "friends", throughout all four moves and beyond. And she is very very stupid to do something like that in the first place. Threesome, getting high in public, filming herself, keeping a relationship going when she had a boyfriend, keeping the evidence, getting angry and defensive when her husband found it. All of it, every single step is a worse move. Her IQ must be in the negatives.

[@TsukiKageTora]

I can’t with the fact she said he looked through her things when she forgot about the flash drive and that it was in a junk drawer type of box with _batteries_

[@jake8748]

​@@TsukiKageTorait's deflection of blame. It's what most cheaters do. It's not their fault because you did something bad to find out. That was a clear sign she wasn't sorry for the act, just sorry she now got caught.

[@atex6175]

​@@foureyedelf6151You forgot to add she didn't even know if the kid belonged to op or her "friend". I would be believe a word out of her mouth if I was op and we'd definitely be getting a divorce

[@Trijem]

@@atex6175 I wouldn't believe a word out of her mouth.. ??

[@SkyEcho751]

Story 3: Nah, she does not get to rewrite her abusing you as a kid as a 'funny memory'. And yes I am counting this as abuse, she intentionally swapped out the costume to punish OP, instead of the literally dozen other ways she could punish her child for making a mess. In fact I think she was always trying to find an excuse to not get OP the snow white dress. Honestly what does she bring to OP's life?

[@prtfdc2]

Hot dogs

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

Omg the first story is a classic. A lot of people believed op's ex basically doxxed himself to guilt op and I strongly think that too. It's too convenient for it to happen after she showed the post and it became a fuel point for him.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

Yeah, he got mad when she wouldn't play his little game of explain it to me again and again and again. So he came up with another way to make her the bad guy and feel guilty. Good on op for seeing through his manipulations and dumping the trash.

[@4mobius280]

And celebrated with a nice cup of coffee. Well no, coffee is a foul substance not fit for human consumption, but still.😈

[@yarnovah]

@@4mobius280 Coffee is life!

[@lux0rd01]

I literally see nothing in the story that could identify someone unless this is OPs personal account linked to social media or something so im onboard with the he "doxxed" himself

[@jake8748]

Yeah this doesn't sound like the lengths someone would go to to scour OPs past history to find a picture to reverse search it up to find social media and then find her BF from. That's quite abit of effort and time when it's relatively (currently) minor things and did sound like it was probably ending. I'd imagine that level for serious safety worries. Also he said someone else sent it to him. So the other option is someone who knows them both connected it and then called him out for being a controlling A Hole. Much more possible. Long distance relationship, guy lives with parents and hates coffee. Somewhat identifiable to someone who knows them and easy to connect simply by finding OPs photo then too as probably had seen it before if also friends on FB etc.

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Story 2 update: the fact that some people see cheating with a woman as somehow different from cheating with a man is weird to me. OP should get a paternity test done on all the kids just in case. Also the fact that his wife had a miscarriage early on in their relationship and never told him just shows the lengths she’s willing to go to deceive him. He was denied so much, including the chance to mourn (possibly) his own child because of them.

[@autumn557]

It’s all about the dick. Men get real weird about woman being penetrated too much but don’t care about anything else really. It is weird.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

It was so gross of her to constantly have them around. Op has to feel absolutely sick about it, thinking that these people were his friends and now thinking that they were laughing at him behind his back and questioning every time they were alone when he wasn't there. That's a deep hurt and sickness. I hope he's able to heal. Especially if he finds out his kids aren't his. That's an even lower blow.

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

Story 2 is most likely fake. Relationship advice rarely takes things down. It's usually reddit filters removing accounts made by suspended users. That's a dead giveaway that its someone who caught a sitewide ban for posting fake stories to popular communities.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

Yeah, that would be kind of some "key information" missing for OP to make a decision. I would have a hard time trusting the wife and would definitely want to cut off the friends. As a side note, I have yet to understand the logic of filming yourself bumping uglies and then keeping it around for years. Even worse if the kids found it.

[@loganjoh1]

yeah this entire situation makes the wife a walking red flag her basically using her bisexuality as an excuse for her cheating (despite the fact there was also a man involved so that really is weird logic on her part), her saying she stopped sleeping with them in late August but then confirmed she continued to sleep with Chole for another month at least shows that she sees no problem lying to him about the situation even now and the fact that she kept her affair partners in her and OP's life this entire time this entire marriage is built on a foundation of lies I don't know how OP could ever trust her again

[@gngrblls2thwall]

S2: I can't relate to that question OP is asking because I wouldn't be "uncomfortable around Bryan and Chloe", I'd be uncomfortable around the wife and we'd be getting a divorce. That's a dealbreaker.

[@TheBlueDsc]

S3: It really is infuriating to hear a parent joyfully reminisce about something that was extremely painful for you. Recently my dad was "joking" with me about something that happened when I was a kid. He was laughing about it like it was a grand old time, and all that went through my mind was the memory of him making me cry.

[@SenseiRaisen]

I remember the same but with a step-uncle before i dead seriously told him: "It wasn't funny". He shut up inmidieatly after that. And if i was more adult i would have retor him with a: "You fat f*ck" at the end.

[@huinismith]

Story 1 update 2: no, that didn't happen, that SOB doxxed himself to have leverage. Change my mind.

[@ImaNerdANDaGeek]

S1: A partner trying to dictate control over a petty thing that does not negatively impact them in anyway? Well that is not a good sign.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yeah. OP needs to dump him yesterday! After Updates: Nevermind. She dumped him. Thank God for that. And Good riddance to him. 😊

[@lynnw7155]

Never drink another cup of coffee in his house. Or go to his house. Or see him. Or talk to him. RUN!

[@MmMm-yd4rn]

Alarms started in my head as I read the title and thought "Is this an other mustard story?"

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

@@MmMm-yd4rn Same here. I can see why some people don't bother looking for a partner these days. 😅

[@KarmikCykle]

And the signs just get worse and worse as the story goes.

[@achocolatebiscuit5087]

It was never about the coffee. When partners go apeshit for silly things like this, just remember that they actually want control.

[@Draggonny]

Yeah. I actually do feel nauseous from the smell of coffee. My husband does leave his coffee to go cold before he drinks it and he works from home so the smell is in the house. Cold coffee doesn't smell as much. It's the steam that's the worst. So his concession is that he won't have a coffee pot on the go all day. He makes coffee as and when he wants a cup. If he has family over and they're all having coffee the smell is too much for me so we run the air filter to reduce the smell.

[@christinesinclair6938]

S1: NTA. Time to jump on the DUMP HIM train. S2: Wow. She hid her cheating, depriving him of a chance of making an informed choice as to whether or not to stay with her. This is just like that other story where the woman cheated and hid it.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

And kept bringing the people she cheated with around for YEARS. 🤮

[@loganjoh1]

Also she lied about when she “ended the affair at least with Chloe saying it ended the end of August to she stopped sleeping with Chloe at the end of September seems trickle truthy also say “she was embarrassed that she was BI in college” using her sexuality as an excuse she needs to be an ex

[@Woug]

Mark's little "okay then" at 1:52 😂😂 I feel like I need to have that saved on my phone

[@MimosaRose]

S3- Not everyone can be a Mulan or Merida, the world needs Cinderellas, Snow Whites and Aurora. Kindness can be courageous.

[@crash92la98]

That's a wonderful sentiment. Kindness can be courageous. Lovely.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

True. If we take the best lessons from those old shows they can be full of good role models for girls. Cinderella - breaking free from abuse and living for yourself. Snow White - doing what you love and giving back to your community when they do something nice for you. Aurora - okay tbh I don’t have one here she does nothing the whole movie lol but I’m sure there’s something someone could come up with 😂

[@KeitieKalopsia]

@@shadamyandsonamylover Lmao at the Aurora one 😂 Sometimes kids really do like princesses just because they’re pretty. I’m sure there’s a lesson somewhere in that movie. I remember as a kid my favorite princess was Ariel. I dressed up as her for Halloween. I still feel a deep kinship with her unyielding curiosity and need to understand things she can’t yet explain. Also her hoarding problem. I hate that people these days think she’s a bad role model because “she gave up everything for a man.” Just tell me you didn’t watch the movie. Eric was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Not even him, because she was content with keeping a statue of him; it was her dad destroying the grotto she held dear that pushed her away and into Ursula’s arms. Anyway, thanks for hearing out my rant. No one will slander Ariel if I can help it.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

@@KeitieKalopsia haha yes, maybe Aurora can just be a pretty princess =P we do need something simple every now and then! Also I’m laughing in agreement with your Ariel rant. Ironically my parents refused to let me watch the little mermaid because Ariel disobeyed her dad (and probably because mermaids were inappropriate). People who think the Disney princes are the bad side of princess movies need to look further than skin deep. Despite my parents not letting me watch Aladdin either, my favorite princess was/is Jasmine! She’s very independent knows how to handle herself! It’s too bad we don’t get movies like this anymore. Like new princess movies. Wish was supposed to be a good movie but I genuinely would say that Asha is a bad role model.

[@SassyGirl822006]

​@@shadamyandsonamylover maybe the lesson is that it's OK to need and accept help? Because I'm pretty sure many people need that lesson in life.

[@Yinsashi7981]

Story 3: when I was a newborn, I was dressed up as a dalmation for my first Halloween. My mom bought the costume but kept thinking I was a cow xD even have a VHS of her telling month old me “C’mon, say moooooo!” It’s one thing if it is cute and innocent. It’s another when you dress and blackmail your child and embarrass them just because you don’t like Snow White. The mom sounds like a narcissist tbh

[@sixwingedbee81]

s3: I SWEAR there was a picture going around on tumblr in 2016 with a little girl in a hot dog costume surrounded by princesses and the story was 'this kid wanted to be DIFFERENT'. I can't help but if the mom had a tumblr blog. OP would be around the same age if I'm remembering it right.

[@Yeshuah6]

Sounds about right for someone who wanted to be quirky and different

[@juukyuchan]

I asked Op and its not them

[@donbeedrill]

Op's mom was a "not like the other girls" personified

[@DestinationsChronicles]

I love my coffee after it's cooled off. My husband shudders and then just moves on. This is how we adult.

[@madgevanness4011]

I like my coffee warm, but I will drink it room temp if I don’t want to move and go to the microwave. My son, now, he likes it iced.

[@JW-vd4il]

😂 I've also had people literally shudder when they realize I'm drinking room temp coffee. I'm also laughing to find out how many of us there are. The "worst" thing anybody's ever said to me is, "Are you SURE you don't want me to heat that back up for you?"

[@scarlettg.5772]

I can't judge, I love iced coffee. I don't really like room temperature coffee, BUT I have drank it that way many times because I didn't feel like bothering to warm it again 😅

[@thecrowuknow]

last story - the things OP said about her mom reminded me so much of what my mom was like when I was a kid. I'm glad OP got to finally speak her truth regardless of how it made her mom feel. Now that the truth is out her mom can't use that memory to hurt her anymore because OP has her own voice now.

[@SkyEcho751]

Story 1: When I heard that second 'apology' I could tell he's probably trained in Doublespeak, where you say one thing, but actually mean another thing. He says "What I said was a small criticism..." when what he said was literally "If I tell you you don't do something, you obey me", he's first re-contextualizing the situation, then apologizing for the fabricated issue, and not the real issue. And then in the update he went with DARVO, as he claims she is somehow the offender, and probably definitely lied about the 'cyber-bullying' he received.

[@Starmix-off-the-floor]

Being a feminist is letting women have the ability to CHOOSE anything they want to be, like or portray and being non judgmental in the face of those choices. Not pushing your weird 'not like other girlzzzzz' crap on your daughter. ALSO imo Snow White isn't that bad of a role model. She was 14 and got away from a abusive parent who was trying to kill her, she found help and shelter with nice people and then decided to earn her keep and help out by utilizing the skills she had. The movie isn't perfect but what movie is? Should you eat food strangers give you? no, but look me in the eye and tell me you didn't do dumb shit at 14....exactly. it still preaches the importance of kindness and friendship and bravery in its own way. Should the prince be kissing dead chicks and dating a 14 year old? no. As I said its not perfect but that isn't a criticism of Snow White herself. I feel you can explain to children what parts of a movie are wrong lessons and what good things you can glean from it at the same time. People who look up to Mulan are great! but it doesn't make girls who look up to Cinderella/Snow White and Aurora bad either. we should lift up other women and support them, not tear them down and rally some kind of weird 'us vs them' mentality against them, this helps no one.

[@ACCER]

I wonder if people are aware that in the time period that Snow White was made as well as further back in history it was common to kiss the dead as a goodbye? Plus, and let's be 100% honest here: If you are dead and someone kissing you revives you, are you NOT okay with that? CPR anyone? That could be seen as "wrong" if taken out of context. How old was the prince? Back when SW was written, 14 was perfectly acceptable to marry. It's only been in the past 30 years that we have had issues with people under 18 getting married. I actually have friends that have been married for 50 years this year.....they are 64 and 65. From the US Midwest. Their oldest child, in case anyone wonders, is only 39.......

[@Trijem]

Joan of Arc? or Queen Hatshepsut (who assumed the role of pharaoh in Egypt’s 18th Dynasty, ruled during 22 years of great prosperity, peace and an explosion of artistic creativity that would forever influence Egyptian culture)The longest-reigning female ruler in Egypt, Hatshetsup fueled a booming economy, re-established lost trade networks and built hundreds of construction projects in Upper and Lower Egypt. She performed holy rituals usually reserved for male kings in many temples, securing her religious base and legitimacy on the throne. or Cleopatra or Marie (Madam) Curie? Catherine the Great (1729 -1726). Maria Theresa of Austria (1717-1780) Empress Dowager Cixi (1835-1908) Queen Victoria (1819-1901) Theodora (500-548) Indira Gandhi (1917 - 1984) Queen Elizabeth II (1926-2022)

[@MysticMae21]

​@Trijem she wasnt queen. She was Pharoah.

[@damien678]

My mum has always been cool in that she's never cared to do makeup, and she's proud AF of her wrinkles. She also let me, when I was a little girl, be snow white for halloween one year. It was my best halloween as a kid. OP's mum could've been encouraging of her daughter and still gone against the grain. But she didn't do that, even though it's very possible to do so.

[@aphelion4616]

I mean, to be fair, with the time period 'Snow White' is set in, her being 14 and being married off wasn't wholly uncommon sadly. Is it todays standards? No. However, based on time period, it is. Now the prince kissing a supposed corpse is a whole other matter unless kissing random women to find your true love was common xD

[@hilaryc3203]

#3 brought back memories for me. My granddaughter wanted to be a princess for halloween when she was in kindergarten; a Vampire Princess. She looked amazing! The gothic princess dress was gorgeous, pale skin, vampire make up, fangs and dripping blood. Cute as a button............with fangs.

[@vmarieeee]

Story 3: Op saying “I wanted her to be like other moms because they were nicer” says sooo much about how her mother treated her/made her feel.

[@madeonpluto]

I don't know...Maybe it is an american thing but parents screwed up, people screwed up. She's not a child anymore, it's not a big deal. Look a round,grow up and stop whinning...For the love of...smh

[@vmarieeee]

@@madeonpluto with an attitude like that (and your comment history) i don’t even want to image the way you’ve treated others and just expected them to “grow up and get over it” 🙄

[@BeefMeisterSupreme]

​@@vmarieeee yeah that one comment of theirs screams "when everyone you meet is an asshole, you're the asshole"

[@madeonpluto]

@@vmarieeee my point exactly...thank you for that! I always treat people with respect, specially those who rarely are respected. I don't lack empathy rather you lack perspective

[@wmdkitty]

@@madeonpluto Two comments in and you're coming off as an a-hole. Might wanna reel in that attitude.

[@MmMm-yd4rn]

S3: oh,so she didn't wanted to be like the other women? She certainly accomplished that since they were good mothers in reality and not just in their heads

[@buildtherobots]

Story 3: my mom unabashedly hated every Disney movie that came out during my childhood because "all of the princesses looked identical" while never taking time to actually listen to what they said. It's like she felt threatened by Jasmine, Mulan, and Pocahontas

[@alanalirkani]

Last story. I do not agree with that "just let her believe what she needs to believe and move on" comment. Because what mom did was abuse, and she needs to face that fact, not try to recreate it as a beautiful memory. Heck, if OP knew that's what her mom thought but mom wasn’t telling it to others, I might actually agree that letting her believe whatever she needs to is ok. But every time mom retells that story to her friends, family, and SO, she's re-opening the wounds that tell OP she wasn't loved for who she was. Shr was hated for who she was. Mom wanted her daughter to be like her and could not accept the daughter she had. That's just sad. Edit to add: OP, forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. Moving on and leaving the anger behind is OK, but letting someone believe they didn't hurt you often leads to more hurt. You can forgive your mom for what she did if you want. That doesn't mean you have to let her hurt you again

[@Yeshuah6]

Ive heard so many stories of parents denying they did something. I think its because they dont want to admit they did something to hurt their child, so its either "that didnt happen", or they make up some story where everyone is happy and having fun. Otherwise that have to live with the truth.

[@foureyedelf6151]

I hate "forgive and forget" for this reason. You can forgive a dog for biting you but that doesn't mean you give it another taste. You avoid situations that are likely to cause you harm, period.

[@alanalirkani]

@@foureyedelf6151 For me, personally, I see forgiveness as a personal thing. It's a choice to let go of the anger and hatred and move on with your life, because holding onto anger and hatred can destroy you as easily as keeping someone toxic in your life. From there, it's a matter of do you keep the person you're forgiving in your life or saying goodbye. Which depends on you and them as people. You might be able to keep someone in your life who said something they clearly regret because they don't normally. Or you might need to cut them out. It depends on the people involved. But I agree. I hate forgive and forget. You never truly forget stuff that happens to you, especially when it involves those close to you and no one should feel obligated to keep toxic people who continue to hurt them in their lives

[@Kinsfire]

Last story is a narcissistic mother who really wanted to be able to call her daughter "mini-me".

[@paulagoeringer9466]

I can see why the mom hated Snow White and Princess Aurora. Those movies both had evil witches in them jealous of the girls and both came to a bad end. She doesn't like being reminded that hags like her end up that way and the sweet girls get a happily ever after. That has to stick in her craw. 😂

[@CanonSkyrissian]

tbh maleficent wasn't even jealous of aurora. she was pissed off she was the only one excluded from aurora's christening (which in medieval times would've been a huge slight), though taking it out on a baby was an overkill

[@LiminallyYours]

Evil queens were definitely the old-timey way of calling out narcissistic a-hole mothers.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

​@@CanonSkyrissian yes and I also saw it as her being jealous of the baby having everyone love her and having everything she ever wanted. I think the animators made her literally green with envy as an extra moral of the story sort of thing.

[@autumn557]

It’s crazy that the ex said “you are trying to control what I do” after controlling what she eats.

[@wmdkitty]

It's a standard DARVO flip. "I'm not controlling you, you're trying to control me!"

[@shaetoons3602]

Story 1: Op dodged a bullet. Story 2: The wife lied by omission, and that's shitty but props to them for communicating and working to get past this. Story 3: The mom did that to deliberately embarrass Op. Not only that, she forced Op to do what she wanted as a power play.

[@jakeand9020]

Story 2: She also lied directly about when it ended.

[@maurer3d]

Story 3: NTA, "You remember that time i ab^sec you, and forced you to go to your ballet event as a hotdog instead of the princess you were supposed to be"... Wow with a parent like her you don't really need enemies.

[@kiwifreund]

I had a boyfriend who tried to dictate everything down to my facial expressions. This behavior didn't come out until we moved in together; we were friends prior to dating. But he became so controlling after our relationship progressed that he would write letters to me all over our tile counter tops with dry erase markers in the kitchen so I would wake up, walk into the kitchen, and be surrounded by all surfaces covered in hate letters about how I was ruining his life. No matter what I did. Control. Narcissism. So exhausting and disturbing.

[@rhylla_864]

"my house my rules" Yup. Ok. Bye bye. Enjoy your coffee-less house dude

[@paulagoeringer9466]

Coffee less mommy's house. 😂

[@foureyedelf6151]

​@@paulagoeringer9466 Just out of sheer curiosity I'd take it up with mommy and find out just WHY this grown ass man can't stand the smell of cold coffee. Childhood trauma perhaps? Mysterious uncle that was always hanging around the house? Or maybe he's a wildly specific germaphobe who only cares about lukewarm liquids. 😂 Just kidding the dude is totally making it up as a shoe in the door to start abusing her. Still, a chat with good ol mum and dad would be enlightening in helping her avoid this kind of walking red flag in the future. Gaslighters tend to be narcissists, and narcissism runs in families. Not that that's likely to happen. Stick to your coffee, girl, this one ain't it.

[@unicorn12345]

I think he was testing the waters to see how much controlling behavior she would put up with.

[@lina9535]

Story 2: And this is why you should have it verbally that you're "official/exclusive"

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

Well even her own social media post calling OP her boyfriend didn't stop her, nor did the pregnancy scare. So yeah, doubt that would've done anything here.

[@diannamacdonald3716]

I don’t remember ever being allowed to pick out my own costume for Halloween. I always wore what my parents chose. I do remember one year my sister was a princess and I was Red Riding Hood. Later my mother was looking at pictures and commented how pretty my sister was. I asked if I was pretty too. She told me no, I was cute. Even thinking about it at 66 years old brings a tear to my eye. I knew pretty was better than cute. But I guess Red Riding Hood is better than a hot dog. 🤦‍♀️

[@catandrobbyflores]

At least red riding hood survives being eaten unlike a hotdog.

[@18Hongo]

​@@catandrobbyflores She also manages to make it through a goddam forest without stopping for a musical number.

[@catandrobbyflores]

@@18Hongo unless it's Into the Woods, yeah

[@videofan1010]

OP#1 is in a dangerous abusive relationship...

[@nyotauhura7412]

She broke up with him via voice message in the update.

[@YoYo-gt5iq]

S1: he wants her to examine why it's controlling it after she does to the point of exhaustion, he concludes, "you say it's controlling but can't even explain why," meaning he didn't agree.

[@brandchan]

The 3rd story, I feel like trying to cook and making a mess isn't that unusual for kids that age. I know when I was young I tried to "bake a cake" by dumping all the ingredients on the floor. And since OP's story was trying to cook hotdogs the hotdog costume had to be a punishment for it. Or the mom thought it was "fuuny" with no idea how emotionally scaring that crap can be. Either way the mom sucks.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Good thing they are long distance. She can easily sever ties. Do NOT stay. IDK if this is mirroring, but that apology is obviously meant to trick her. Damn!! Then he immediately lost his damn mind. He doesn't agree with the comments and thinks SHE is controlling. And why is he so aggressive?!! If I'm dating someone and they're pulling my house my rules, I'm out. But, he doesn't even have a house!! Run!!!

[@foureyedelf6151]

You're controlling me by not allowing me to control you.

[@dennisahlarson1584]

Classic DARVO. Deny, Attack, Reverse the roles of Victim and Oppressor. Narcissistic tool of manipulation, designed to make you doubt yourself for your normal reaction to their abnormal behavior or words.

[@stellamccoy5259]

The only time the coffee smell really carries through the house is when it is hot. Vapors, you know.

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 1: Arcam's razor (the simplest solution is likely the correct one) would put that the person who found the (now ex)-bf's social media was him or one of his friends/family members, the alternative is that there was someone with FBI level investigation skills with nothing better to do then dox someone on reddit, which, okay, might have happened but it's more likely that it was him or someone who knew him, if it wasn't just him.

[@blackwidor]

I'd speculate he was in her electronics

[@Yeshuah6]

Sorry to be that guy but it's Occam's razor

[@Luvias0415]

​@@Yeshuah6 At least it isn't Arkhams Razor, then it would be a terrible thing.

[@TheMimiSard]

Story 3 - One has to understand the eras the elder Disney Princess movies were made in. Snow White was modest, hopeful, but hard-working and tolerant of everything she has to do. She is an icon of values that were important in the 1930s. In a similar way, Cinderella and Aurora are also icons of the virtues of the times their movies came out in, so if those three seem so very old fashioned, it is because they _are_ . The more rebellious and active princess who came with and after the Disney Renaissance (everything from The Little Mermaid onwards) are reflections of 90s and onwards values.

[@fcold9402]

Summer of love NTA. Whatever else happened, she still cheated and then lied, on purpose, by omission.. It's up to OP on whether he can live with that.

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

I wouldn't even say it's just by omission. She was publicly calling OP her boyfriend while still sleeping with someone else. She lied about her miscarriage, as well as potential paternity.

[@vininderbains4029]

The hotdog story. I’ve come to learn parents remember these stories quite differently than kids do.

[@Sydney_With_A_Why]

It's not his house. It's his parents house.

[@reyjones6472]

My mom was abusive and lies about it to make herself sound wonderful too. It's really disorienting. At least she's being nice to me now, so I'm kind of taking each encounter as it comes, and not really trusting her or expecting her to have changed deep down. Arms length friends.

[@davidlionheart2438]

Story 1 - "I don't want it's odor to spread around the house"..............This dude's gonna lose his shit when he hears about coffee scented air freshener.

[@sandracox4341]

Coffee scented candles. I'd have to be petty and hide a coffee scented air freshener under his bed😂

[@rosefriday4287]

The way the third story mom was acting makes me wonder if she was one of the writers for the new Snow White movie

[@DaWhiteWolffie]

OP dodged a frikkin cannonball.

[@kausha7135]

Story 3: I was just talking to one of my girlfriends about this. We both were quirky tomboys. She has a daughter now who, at the age of 5, is hyperfeminine and loves all things girly. She told me she's having to unlearn her internalized misogyny toward girly things so she can be a good mama. She is a good mama 💕

[@goatkiller666]

S2 - this series of events makes sense to me. Non-monogamous folks do have “3e were together” moments… everybody is on a sliding scale. So shifting someone from “cohabitate, make out when they come home” to “She lives two states away, won’t see her that often, but we’re still close.” is just a Tuesday. It doesn’t absolve her of any guilt that she was committed monogamous to you, and her other, less active, partnerships had not been fully ended. I’m convinced this is why poly folks don’t have the 2am stalking phone call breakups so common among monogamous folks. Which is fine when all of her other partners are poly as well. But they both knew you were mono, and set it up that as long as you never asked, they were fine… nah. That kind of “riding on a technicality” bullshit is exactly why most of us even consider polyamory in the first place. She 100% knew you were mono to each other for nearly two months before she finally severed things with Chloe. She’d already stopped stuff with this Bryan guy, but he kept the secret. I am ashamed on behalf of polyamory, because of these assholes. OP had only ever lived mono. He wasn’t emotionally prepared to ask the questions needed to understand the poly way of approaching things. The wife is the biggest AH, because her whole scheme relied on him never knowing enough to ask. Chloe is second place. She didn’t directly do the bad stuff, but proper polyamorous etiquette is to see drama coming, and talk about it ASAP. Everyone thinks we’re just nightly orgies, but most poly people just talk about relationships. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone in Bryan’s position would break up with Chloe for not immediately walking away. Indefensible. Nobody is owed a list of past lovers, or which things you did with each. But they do owe “are you still doing it” for them.

[@Davtwan]

S2: it may be “years in the past” for her, but, to OP, it feels like it was just today. No amount of however long ago is going to make OP’s feeling go away.

[@videofan1010]

Controlling nut job... Don't negotiate with terrorists.

[@videofan1010]

Wow... The mom from the third story is a terrible person.

[@boogitywoogity248]

Only a cheating wife lmao, “why’d you go through my things! You violated my trust! We weren’t even dating yet!” Actual story: “okay I let my friends bf rail me all summer, only stopped when he decided to stop once I miscarried a kid that could’ve been his, but still cheated on you with a woman for another month or two, but it’s all cuz of my trauma!” Divorce law needs to change, because you can’t tell me OP would choose to stay this easily, if his awful wife didn’t get a huge pay out from Divorce. She deserves 0$ and 0 cents for a relationship she knowingly built on a lie, and then lied again, and again, and again, when confronted.

[@brookelynnwu8016]

Last story: I disagree that’s “her perspective.” Unless she is truly so narcissisticallÿ delusionâl that she’s told herself so many times over the years that you wanted to wear that costume and she’s the good guy when she was there and knows deep down you did not want you to. I also do no believe she did this with no malïce. She knew her daughter asked to be Snow White and the other girls would make fûn of her for not being dressed as a princess but in rags. Either she’s trying to lïe now that she was the hero then, or she’s actually so far gone she believes all the lïes she’s told herself.

[@cthulhuspawn6290]

S1: controlling jackass who probably doxxed himself so that he could be the victim. S2: so their relationship started off with her cheating on him with multiple people and getting pregnant? That doesn't sound like a good foundation for a lifelong relationship

[@alyzu4755]

Story 1: OP dodged a HAIL of bullets!

[@katarinatibai8396]

She dodged a nuke.

[@pickle_pup8187]

1st story - it is the boiling frog analogy. Frog gets put in cool water and it slowing gets warmer and the frog doesn’t notice until… ☠️. The BF starts this way and picks picks picks at OP until she looses herself. Get out OP and RUN!!

[@ghoullovinbutch]

Story 1: Dentists recommend you drink your tea or coffee quickly and rinse with water afterwards to prevent damage. But OP is still NTA.

[@maurer3d]

Story 2: Well if she was being intimate with them at the same time as you, then she cheated on you and is just mad you found out. If it ended before you started dating then it is none of your business, unless you asked her about past partners and she excluded them. Sadly from her actions it sounds like it was cheating. Pushing them out of your lives will not fix the situation.

[@GiordanDiodato]

So make the kids traumatized

[@thish6201]

Even if it ended before they started dating it absolutely is his business.

[@jakeand9020]

It absolutely was "his business" as soon as she brought them together as "friends" REGARDLESS of when it happened. Also, why does everyone seem to be ignoring the fact she LIED about when it ended?

[@justadragonwithaphone8878]

Story 3: this is what happens when a pick-me girl becomes a mom.

[@ALLPANICNODISCO1999]

Guys, excuse doesn't even make sense. Hot coffee has a stronger scent than cold coffee. Guys just a control freak.

[@TheIronwil]

Summer of Love: I wouldn’t necessarily be angry that my wife had threesomes before we got together. But I’d be furious to find out friends that we regularly hung out with had sex with my wife for months and no one told me. I’d never forgive something like that, and wouldn’t trust they hadn’t continued.

[@GellaHumbug59]

Story 1: “My parents’ house… MY rules!” 🙄Also…. If the smell of coffee is what’s upsetting him… uh… wouldn’t hot coffee be worse than cold? 🤔 So he is controlling AND stupid!! Girl, runnnnn!!!

[@EnDB]

She should get her mother back. Make her think she's getting something she has always wanted for Christmas and record her opening her gift - a pack of warm cheap hotdogs.

[@Duke8322]

Story 3 if OP has kids the mom should not get to be grandma

[@PinkMarshmallows]

S2: She a 304. If she kept her cheating and miscarriage a secret for, however long they were together, what else could she have kept a secret? I don't trust her one bit. If they have kids, they need to be tested to see if they're OP's.

[@crichtonbruce4329]

Story 3... My mom was not nearly as bad as OP's, but mom and I had VASTLY different memories of events from my childhood to the point I avoided discussions of my childhood memories with her.

[@dagnytheartist]

Story 1: I think after the updates, the boyfriend made a sock puppet account and cyber-bullied himself so that he could point it out to OP and make her feel bad for posting on Reddit, so that she would stop asking other people for help online 😨😨 Edit: Yeah, it sounds like that's exactly what happened.

[@Lauria2875]

Oh, man. I just started having constant free floating anxiety and panic attacks a couple of months ago. Working on getting meds adjusted and its doing weird things to my head. After reading the title I now have an image of this lady lounging in the attic crawl space "under the roof" sipping her cold coffee, scrolling through reddit, and occasionally dunking a a danish butter cookie in it. For some odd reason, she's wearing bright yellow minion pjs! My brain might need adult supervision for a while lol.

[@Mapache095]

Ugh, last story the mom is trying so hard to be "different" at even the expense of OP

[@spockezri]

gotta love a good ol "i'm SORRY you were OFFENDED by my actions." bro i hate coffee and i cannot smell it any more when it's cold than when it's hot. grow up

[@msf2399]

Story 1: Ha, weird food taste people unite! I personally like mine both extremely bland & not “moist.” People are often horrified when I do things like take “perfect” chicken and put my portion in the microwave for a few minutes to dry it out. Sometimes I feel bad when I don’t like something someone made for me, I’ve been repeatedly reassured that my friends & family that it’s just who I am and they’re used to me. My mom actually said she takes it as a compliment when I take her chicken to the microwave, because it means that for everyone else it’s basically perfect. If your partner isn’t willing to support your weird food preferences, they’re not worth your time. And if they’re trying to be judge or controlling about it, kick them to the curb.

[@DragonflyandTheWolf]

"he says I'm the one being controlling." Omg, just break up with him already.

[@AndyyWithAY]

The last mom is definitely as yucky and gross as hot dog water 😒 I've never seen Snow White and have zero interest in seeing it, but I'm not one of those anti-princess people. I think it's a great thing for a little girl to dream of being a princess. My favorite is Ariel. The mom is firmly in her not like other girls era and has been bullying her child. Trash

[@nadirimyers6643]

Story 3 is what happens when a pick me has a kid cusssss wtf did mark just read? Not only nta I would have said waaaaaay meaner “where do you go in your crazy ass little head that you think any of that happened?” Ik in that picture op was half in tears and she sees that and is like oooh yea my kid had a great time…. I drink your tears ma’am. Seek help

[@mogulmade]

Story 2: She is a liar, a deep liar. She kept that miscarriage of what may have been your kid until you heard it from another man. Op is daft AF. Cheating is anything my partner hides that they know I would want to know.

[@DragonTatooToo]

My mother used to call me at home, hours after I left her house to ask me if it was okay to throw out my coffee. She drank her coffee hot, but respected that I lingered over mine for hours.

[@redonyx5428]

s1: this is an abusive, immature (emotional or otherwise) man. like what everyone has said, it's not about the coffee. he was starting out small to see what he could get away with and then boil frog OP. this loser, who lives in his parents house, really thought he could pull the "my house my rules" nonsense when that's not even his house! also lol @ him saying he'd give her another chance and that his love is stronger than hers. this fool confuses possession with love. im glad op dumped him and didnt move for him.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

You ask, how do you move on from this? I believe the answer is: By acknowledging that people are flawed and don't always make the best decisions, by accepting apologies if they are genuine and sincere, and (if you're the person who lied or otherwise broke trust) by committing to be a better person going forward. If OP had never found out about his wife's relationship with Choe and Bryan, as long as they never got involved sexually again, it would have had ZERO impact on his life. However, if this is too much for him, and he can't let it go, he should be honest (since he values honesty) enough to end the marriage as cleanly as possible.

[@MCBRUCE76]

S1: Reading the title of the video, I kinda thought that, OP is one of those who doesn't have proper table manners, who chews food with open mouth with chewing sounds and slurps while drinking tea or coffee. But this story was not even close to that. Some people like very hot coffee/tea, and take small sips to enjoy the flavor, but some love it cold or lukewarm taking large portions of sips, to enjoy the flavor in their own way. If somebody wants to control how you live, eat, sleep, and dress, then it's time for you to run for the hills. OP is not even a 1% of ahole in this story. These narcissists like her BF are sweet, caring, and very pretentious in their relationship. Actually, girls who have been long enough around him wouldn't even consider dating him, because they know the truth. That Narcissists prayer is 100% true. Notice how he doubled down on OP, tried to manipulate her for sympathy by making his own comment on his social media page, and in the end was willing to give a second chance to OP. LMAO. Good for OP, leaving this jerk behind in the dust and moving on to a better life.

[@SpookyTiney]

Thank you. Seems to be working around my schedule perfectly 😊

[@Psibound]

story 3: yeah my parents had me sleep 6 year in the same room as my abuser because I never say that he abused me. I was 8 or 9 at the time and just wanted to be liked by him at the time. Nor did i know better at the time. Only that the only friends around me moved away(because he abused them as well).

[@maurer3d]

Story 1 (before updates): NTA...Well as long as you dump this giant red flag, otherwise you are an AH to yourself. Story 1 (OP's comments): "My house, My rules".... What, he lives at home with his parents, it isn't even his house... Yet another red flag. Just glad to hear you don't live with this guy so you can just leave and go home (a long way away from him). So he gave that apology after reading the comment, that is hilarious, because it sounds exactly like the apology that you were warned he would give (AKA the narcissist's apology). Story 1 (update): "How dare you insult my boyfriend, what if I were in an ab^sive relationship"... Oh honey,... You were in an ab^sive relationship.

[@rebeccataylor2049]

Has anybody ever heard of a Frappuccino? 10:28

[@louisejohnson6057]

Story #2) So she wasn't embarrassed about cheating, but she was embarrassed about being bisexual? Both of those responses are 🚩🚩🚩 to me. She's a cheater who finds her own sexual orientation embarrassing, she needs individual therapy as well as the couples therapy, because she's messed up.

[@christineheminger7762]

The odor will spread less as it goes cold-Run!!

[@samoanjoseph1457]

Story2: you’re not comfortable with the couple??? They aren’t the ones who got defensive and tried to make it your fault. The wife is the one I’d have the most trouble being around.

[@insanecowstar3008]

Story 1: Hold up, his house? Didn't OP state she's visiting him and staying with him in His Parent's House. Marinara all around here

[@SwirlyPinwheel]

Story 1: OP asked for cream and sugar, not DARVO.

[@tazhienunurbusinezz1703]

How dare she let OP befriend her exes without telling him they were her exes. That's mad disrespectful. Whenever I ran into an ex or still was acquainted with an ex that still hung out in or on the periphery of my friend group, I always introduced my ex as my ex to my late husband so then my late husband could decide how much of a relationship with him that he wanted to have on his own terms. If everything is on the up & up, you don't need to leave things out. This is super sus.

[@TexasBoy484]

The art with Mark and Poppy is the cutest.