my childhood trauma chooses my TBR 🫠 WEEKLY READING VLOG

TRIGGER WARNING: discussions of SA, grooming, pedophilia, and death
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Jordaline graces you with a reading vlog where her CHILDHOOD TRAUMA CHOOSES HER TBR! too personal? maybe bahahahah
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[@taylorgayhart9497]

PLEEEEEASE do “my feminine rage picks my TBR”!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

[@kristenchumley1421]

Came here to say the same thing!

[@krisprepolec5616]

💯

[@federubiowenk2859]

Yes! Or are women crazy or does the world f*cked them up?

[@VoilaAmanda]

OMG yesssssss

[@JulEnglefaris]

Jeremy's trauma of being "underpaid" and "undervalued"

[@ScoundrelChestnut]

4:45 imagine if Jeremy start being mentioned in other booktubers videos after joradline fires him, i will actually lose my mind the jordaline mythos GROWS

[@matthewbates9629]

I’m glad you were comfortable enough to talk about what you went through with us you didn’t have to do that

[@JanAgaton]

"i shouldn't have paused i'm sorry" lmaoo

[@KatieColson]

That avocado toast is ambrosia. That is what’s served for breakfast on Mount Olympus.

[@ElleBeatrice]

With each upload I’m like, “I hope Jeremy does better🤦🏾‍♀️” 🤣🤣🤣 It would be cool if you added books with main characters named “Tiffany” and “Jeremy” 🤔

[@erinenyart6813]

My period chooses my TBR. Lots of anger and chocolate! 😂

[@matthewbates9629]

Lol I don’t have the parts necessary but it’s still funny

[@taylorgayhart9497]

I’m not gonna go into detail either, but just wanted to let you know from one CSA survivor to another that I know how hard this was for you, and it is honestly nice to know we’re not alone, so thank you! Edit: i’ve been avoiding this book because of what I went through, but honestly, this video has been so cathartic that I am thinking about picking up the book! Thank you again for making this video, I haven’t been able to talk to many people who’ve been through what we have, and that can feel very isolating.

[@matthewbates9629]

And you don’t need to speaking about what it was is enough

[@marybarton9792]

My Dark Vanessa was written as a beautiful story, but once you take away all that romantizing it's horrible. I also read Under the Whispering Door and it was good. You need to continue because Wallis learns a lot about himself and I like how it ends. Give it a try, I listened to the audio book. I'm sorry you to go through all that as a child. You are such a gem and you touch a lot of people in so many ways. You mean so much to all of us. Keep being your authentic self girlfriend. Love you bunches 💜😊

[@ashleyarticulates]

The way you said Kate Alice Marshall with your whole chest at 13:23 had me checking if she was the author. 🤣 I was like wait… really? Also, thank you for sharing what you did and reading these books. 🖤 I’ve been avoiding both of them and it’s nice to hear your thoughts.

[@vanesasteves6922]

Nobody is entitled to your story, You don't need to worry or apologize for not wanting to go into detail about something so personal, the vlog was quite fun ❤️

[@vanesasteves6922]

Also, as a Vanesa, I felt like you were calling ME out! Lol

[@bby.kaylamarie]

I was also sa by my best friends father when I was younger than went home to my cracked out mother, so my grandma sent me away to Hawaii to get adopted. (She was the only one who cared about me)It is truly one of the hardest things to overcome the trauma because you don’t wanna talk or remember that it had happened. Also some people can make you feel gross or look at you differently if they found out about you😣 so sorry this happened and hope it’s what has made you into such a confident queen!!❤️so crazy how we have all had similar upbringing been reading the comments.

[@haley5803]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you are doing better and feel loved now.

[@charmedvenuss]

no one talks about this a lot but I think My Dark Vanessa is mostly auto-biographical and about a school in Maine that really existed with an actual real creep teacher and THATS why it feels so real

[@elianaroman9826]

I think feminine rage TBR would be so fun!

[@taylorgayhart9497]

GIRL, *and* your grandma was your best friend??!?! My grandma was my best friend!!!! I wanted her to be the maid of honor at my wedding and everything! Unfortunately, she didn’t make it to my wedding, and I still cry over missing her every single day. I’m sorry I’m leaving so downer comments! I guess that’s the nature of this video? Lol Edit: my therapist calls it “your person”, your person is the person who makes you feel seen/safe/loved fully. Losing your person is traumatic.

[@Sarasstorytime22]

Your sense of humor is the BEST!

[@TheWorldAccordingToLouise]

3 minutes in… looks to the right of me at my dark Vanessa staring at me. Exposure therapy type of stuff can go one of two ways. Take care of your self!! I am also a survivor of SA! I can relate to the dark humour coping mechanism. Here’s an awkward virtual hug (I hate hugs) 📚💕 I feel like I may cry at this one. I hate seeing people’s mental anguish and pain and just want to help. Part of the reason I got my MHN degree. Take care of yourself, you beautiful human.

[@jordynsagers3815]

Your conversations with Jeremy are full SENDING me! 😂

[@ChekovWessels]

Thank you for being so vulnerable. I am also a CSA survivor and My Dark Vanessa has been sitting on my shelf unread for literally 6+ months due to worry about triggers (but I still want that cathartic read). Your vid has helped me know what I will be getting into. Thank you for being the best booktuber Jordaline ❤

[@melanieripke7141]

You have your grandma's eyes. I'm sorry for your loss.

[@moonbookandmirror]

When the queen uploads, I must watch immediately! My Dark Vanessa was a horrific story. I read it a couple years ago, and still to this day I think about it. It's one of those books that haunts me because I could relate to so many experiences she had. Thank you for being authentically you. I've been bingeing your videos recently, and your content brings me so much joy and humor that I so incredibly appreciate during this period in my life.

[@TAbs_00_]

As a certified Tiffany, I can safely say I dnf'd under the whispering door too. I hated it.

[@blackveilkirby]

YES to the feminine rage tbr! You should read They Never Learn ❤

[@TheWorldAccordingToLouise]

Not losing your granny! I was my grannies favourite too. She died February 2019. Absolutely savaged me! She was my everything. The only person I could speak to that withheld judgement, because I’m quite easy to judge. But people are more often than not, wrong. She saw me though. I had a single mum so my granny was my dad essentially. Dang man, this is painful. I only had one more clinical placement to do when she passed. Took me 2 and a half years to finish that one last module of uni. I completely empathise with you though. I’ve met no one since she left me that even compares. It’s a very lonely place to be.

[@jessicajacobson2337]

Jordaline!!!!! You have such a beautiful soul! I enjoyed this video so much. The depth in which you talked about this video was incredible. I wish I could just hug you! I love you girl!❤

[@AdrianasWonderland]

we all have been through traumas and its crazy to see that you are not the only one. sometimes when you are depressed or have other things thoughts disirters or experiences, you think that you are alone, but its not true. You dont have to tell us what happened, but rememeber there are many people who will support you. i dont know you personally but watching your videos helps me a lot with my anxieties and my stupid brain. you make me laugh, you make me smile. i really appreciate you and your work as a creator, so i just wanted to say thank you Jordaline.

[@Evy-dj1ko]

You’re videos are soooo watchable. I’m so glad I found your channel !!

[@PattiReadsALot]

You do have trouble with Jeremy rolling the clips, and unfortunately....there are receipts to prove he is probably unqualified for the raise. Glad he's sticking around for our enjoyment though 🤣This vlog theme is sad, but certainly compelling. I'm sorry for everything you've been through, I'm so glad you're here on KZbin . I love being a viewer and Patron. ❤

[@pumpkinschannel777]

Thanks for sharing such a private side of yourself Jordaline. Wishing you peace and healing. ❤ Also, your editing game has been off the chain lately! I'm so impressed with how your content has grown since I first discovered your channel last May! ❤❤

[@Showtunediva]

Hello Jordaline, I am a new subscriber! Thank you for being so vulnerable in this video. I was very close to both of my grandmothers.. both of them passed in 2014 & 2021 from Alzheimer’s/Dementia. I miss them terribly. I was also bullied as a teenager. If you made a separate channel about your recipes I’d totally subscribe to that as well. The food you make looks delicious!❤

[@_ashleylh]

You're a beautiful human. ❤

[@Littlemermaidbooks]

I'm so proud of you BB 🖤

[@krisprepolec5616]

I agree that movie theatre popcorn is the best part of going to the movies. I can’t wait to see Indiana Jones. It will be my first time back since the pandemic started.

[@StellaLiveDIY]

I was molested by my grandpa when I was a child.. i will never understand. I also had cancer a few years back and whenever I just read the word cancer in a book, I'm instantly triggered. Brave of you to read something that undoubtedly is triggering a lot of emotion.

[@matthewbates9629]

Ok yuck not okay with that so sorry

[@cindywingetbooks]

I have always been curious about how hair extensions worked so i was glad to watch you put yours in 😂

[@thelitnerd]

I really enjoyed your commentary on these books! I'm so sorry you've faced these traumas 💜

[@Ms.SpookyNerd]

I get chills when even reading books with characters with general anxiety and PTSD like myself and takes me forever to read but I get through them and most have been 5 stars lol even while I'm being triggered during the process 🪁🍉💐😎🌈🍧🥤🌻🏞️

[@aliciaawayreading2911]

I love the Jeremy conversations, I look forward to them in every video now 😂

[@jordynsagers3815]

The mushroom pasta looks so dang good 😍

[@tecc]

I don’t blame you for dropping the second book. That first book would have knocked me out for a week.

[@LittleDogsHouseholdStaff]

OH also! You should do a "Tiffany and Jeremy" choose my TBR. That would be so cute. hahahaha

[@virgomaybe]

this reading vlog was simultaneously really funny and wonderful but also heartbreaking. thank you for sharing a vulnerable piece of yourself with us. i’m new to your content, but I really love how authentic and genuine you are with your audience. truly, inspiring and wonderful content.

[@amandalamb2347]

I believe that Louise would be so proud of you. Ain't it nuts how our trauma, when we deal with it, can evolve from something that isolates us into something that helps us connect with others? Another great video, Jordaline.

[@sarahfolger5232]

Thanks for the shout out! Lol. Sarah is an 80's name. I'm blaming Jeremy for the microphone.

[@sexymigraines]

i went through something almost identical to what happens in my dark vanessa and it’s one of my favorite books. this video was an immediate watch for me w the title 😭 love you girl!

[@justjanel1]

oooh Im a POPCORN BIIIIITCH toooo (literally obsessed) I’ve perfected my perfect popcorn that Im able to make at home but movie theater popcorn?! LIFE!!!!!!!!!!🍿

[@billiep1603]

I was my grandmother’s favourite too haha. I had her until I was 19 and it fucking sucks losing someone like that. Lots of love Jordaline 🩷🩷

[@hyemiyah]

now that jeremy is going to be sacked, he should choose your tbr before he rip.

[@kennedyparrish9092]

i need a gaslight, gatekeep, and girlboss tbr

[@Megankerkhoff]

I’m loving the cooking and I appreciate your vulnerability! I lost my mom last year and it was traumatic and I find such solace in books on grief!

[@sierraoftheday]

Your blush is chefs kiss! ❤🎉

[@mariewesterlind]

You are absolutely amazing for being so open and honest with us. Thank you for sharing this, and I'm so sorry you have these experiences. I truly love your channel, I hope it will keep growing and more and more people will discover the amazing work you do.

[@hyemiyah]

jokes aside. i'm so sorry for everything you went through. thank you for sharing your story with us and for being in the internet. i honestly love your videos so much and i wish i weren't poor so i could join your patreon ;____;

[@MovieTrollop]

This would throw me into such a tailspin. RESPECT lol Maybe if I had a therapist to fall back on hahaha I love these bizarro world tbr ideas though!

[@lysettewood971]

Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing yourself with us! We love you and want to know more about you. ❤

[@kaitlynlorentzen4375]

When you started talking about my dark Vanessa a song popped into my head which was "it happened Quiet" by Aurora especially when you described the sleep over part? I haven't read it so I don't know how accurate this song is but it is about SA and I think being in denial because every chorus ends with love is wild and it's anything but love. If you haven't heard it before, I recommend it and all of Auroras music.

[@bignails2]

Thank you so much for sharing!!!!!!! 🖤🖤🖤

[@megs_bookrack]

I'm so happy you did this video, BB!!! So proud of you. You were passionate about it and it paid off! 💖💖💖

[@beckyduff]

I make avocado toast with guacamole now! But I haven't tried it with feta, I totally got to do that!

[@LittleDogsHouseholdStaff]

I too had trauma that should have given me pause before reading My Dark Vanessa, and yet I went in full tilt because "that girl don't love herself" (best Scary Movie quote ever!). I was lying in my bed listening to the audiobook when it got to the scene you called out and I just sobbed. I even teared up hearing you read it. I knew the exact spot you were going to read when you said "there was one scene" because anyone who has survived SA or CSA knows that struggle. The illusion of control. Also, I laughed all the way through Eric's song because that was 5 full minutes of movie theater CRINGE. The amount of embarrassment I felt for that actor was sad and hilarious all at the same time. Poor guy. I hope he got some good coin out of that cause Yeesh! AND I WAS SO PISSED ABOUT LES POISSONS TOO!! WTF was that with the Eric song but no LP!?! Fail. Just to keep this next bit hidden due to spoilers... Additionally, (and lightheartedly) I have survived the minor trauma of forcing myself to finish Under the Whispering Door when I should have DNF'd that ish. If you love a story where the message of accepting death as a part of life is hammered over and over and over to the point of nauseam - and then (spoilers) the MC magically gets to be undead and actually doesn't have to accept death at all - pick it back up and enjoy. It was a waste of time for me. Accept death everybody... Oh not you, Wallace - you don't have to. You get a fairytale ending. Gross.

[@jessicamoffitt2550]

Hard to read because it brings up so much....but one of the best books of all time. The way you broke down the minutia was cathartic thank you

[@heatheramoroso4916]

Now I want to know what said "buffoonery" is?

[@JulEnglefaris]

I feel like a lot of trauma that happens to us when young low-key turns into a kink later in life. I know it happened with me with 2 things, and I'm hypersexual as an adult. Weird how that shit happens

[@amandagasper4863]

You are so strong!!!

[@kishwer]

“I’m kinda like an art on the wall” 😂😂😂

[@tiffanydurden]

as someone named tiffany, i need you to know that i got jumpscared multiple times thank u

[@Pheasant-wy3cg]

Sorry to hear what happened to you ☹️your strong for reading Vanessa,it’s on my tbr,I read Whispering and Wallace gets better 😃your mushrooms looked delicious 🤤 we need a Jordaline cook book and yes more Jordaline movie reviews😄Eric’s song was cringe 😂and so was his trousers 😂😂x

[@iinfinitydolans8599]

your makeup looks SO good in this vid

[@cleg78]

Great to see you back in another video, your makeup is stunning today…what have you done different?? Looks stunning.

[@deckard5558]

I feel like we were best friends in our past life haha

[@Bookishandcaffeinated]

My daughter's class got to see the little mermaid for free. She liked it. 😊

[@coachlaura749]

It might be fun to have your cats choose your tbr. I think you may have done something like this in the past, but I know Mara from BooksLikeWhoa does. She lets each cat pick a book and then it’s a “competition” to see which cat picked the better book. She even keeps score. It’s cuter than I’m making it sound 😅 Also, thank you for this video and respecting your boundaries in regards to what was shared.

[@hkjesica]

If you ever want to have a good cry and feel smashed by a book about loss (main character has dementia) may I suggest the novelette (70 pgs) by Fredrick Backman, "And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer." I bawled through the whole hour audiobook.

[@Hillary429]

The music in this vlog *slaps*

[@TheWorldAccordingToLouise]

All her vlog music slaps. I noticed that a while back too. 😊

[@wakkawakka900]

That pasta. You can't cook with me in the test kitchen anytime 😊

[@sabi2031]

This is such a great video! And also: you look alot like your grandmother 🩵

[@rubyalaine]

If My Dark Vanessa merged with Any Man, it would be Tampa. One of my fav reads this year.

[@NotSoAverageJo]

My Dark Vanessa is literally one of the most difficult books that I have ever read. Literally everyone fails Vanessa.

[@showout4013]

I applaud and appreciate you so much for this video!

[@gavinstevens5524]

Your disgust for religion chooses your TBR 🤣 ❤

[@Britt666Britt]

Ahh, I am Brittney. lol

[@250cupsofjunk]

Youre awesome and so brave for even speaking out about your traumas as much as you do in this video. I feel you and were here for you . Fuck sexual abusers

[@lexieshepard9972]

Hiiiii girl, so good to see you😜

[@fae_mj]

Liked the video even before watching because I love you❣️

[@hannahpotato3722]

I’m new here and I love it ! Thank you for making this video. . 🖤

[@angelwalker3260]

I dont know about the books but I do know I'm coming over for dinner.🤣🤗😘✌️

[@BriarRose91]

I mean I read My dark Vanessa because of me going through grooming 😅. I'm sorry to hear about your trauma.

[@sylviashanabrough6515]

It definitely sounds like this is not Jacob's first rodeo. I own My Dark Vanessa but I haven't read it. The belief by the victim that the experience was consensual is why so many of these predators are able to get away with their abuse. I think that so many times by the time these young girls realize what is going on they feel so stupid and ashamed that they don't tell anyone. Very wise of you not to share your experience. Followers on KZbin, as well intended as they may be, are not trained to give advice on this topic. They can sympathize and empathize but are not the best source for dealing with this kind of trauma.

[@Kritz_Reads]

I read a lot of horror, but this is still the most disturbing book I've ever read. Maybe I need to re-read it (I listened to it the first time), but I felt like it was NOT romanticized. Especially when she describes him (I think when she is in college), she knows he is gross and not attractive....but at this point, this is what she knows and a pattern she returns to. This book is so, so raw

[@meljstephan]

Oooh man I had a shitty childhood. I could make one hell of an ACEs reading vlog. Don't worry though y'all, I'm thriving now as an independent and self loving queen.

[@angelaholmes8888]

My dark vanessa was a hard book for me to read because of the trauma I suffered as a child I was sexually abused so at times the book left me triggered and angry

[@CrystalPistal99]

Not me waiting the whole vlog to see if you address your melting lip decoration again lolllll

[@dvphneyy]

My Dark Vanessa did not do it for me tbh. The more I think about it, the less stars I wanna give it.. I didn’t like Vanessa. I understand that healing isn’t linear but I just didn’t like her as an adult.

[@Hillary429]

OMG this title! 😳

[@mariyajaveedkhan159]

I Suppressed this trauma deep inside me.. This vlog made me wanna, finally open up to my parents but I'm shy to do so... 😢

[@rokinjaguar]

Is there anyone you feel safe with that you could open up to first? Maybe opening up successfully to someone else will give you the confidence to open up to your parents. :)

[@mariyajaveedkhan159]

@@rokinjaguar unfortunately I don't...

[@matthewbates9629]

Okay my dark Vanessa is grossing me out and infuriating me by the description

[@buuuuuuuuuu]

My Dark Vanessa is one of the only books that had me angry from start to finish, I had to stop reading it for a bit because I felt like I was going crazy with all the anger I was accumulating,,,, also I think you should fire Jeremy like having him do the clip rolling in this economy????? criminal

[@joodeetee9693]

💕💕💕

[@naomiking7518]

❤