MY DEPRESSION

[@artvjon]

Proud of you and all the growth/changes you've made in just the past year! I love you!

[@purplenebula6999]

What Jon says is the truth

[@InfinityOnHannah]

thank you for being here

[@CitizenDevi]

Damn I need what you two have.

[@googoogaga7175]

ARTV awwww you guys deserve each other

[@purplenebula6999]

They already do!

[@reaganscates7009]

we love you hannah

[@secondavenger9775]

Statistically, the average teenager in the 2010s suffers from the same amount of anxiety as a mental patient in the 1950s. Imagine what those people will be like when they grow up and face even more problems in life. Depression is an extremely serious problem that affects more people than most will ever know. Not only is it destroying individual lives, but it's destroying society, it's destroying the word, simply because nobody cares about it enough to take action and help. Thank you for making this video Hannah and i hope you realize that even with such a small channel, you've still made a difference. Much love to you.

[@tss3393]

I really feel you when it comes to friends disappearing. People come and go so fast in my own life and it's exhausting having to start over opening up so much. If I've learned anything from it, it's cherish the people who do stick around. I don't know you or Jon and I won't pretend to, but I see the support you guys constantly give each other in your videos and in comments. It seems like you have a really good thing going, despite the distance, so keep doing what you're doing and keep each other close. Wishing you both well in each of your life's trials!

[@Kkatss]

"I felt guilty being happy sometimes" uhhh I know what you mean. I still struggle with this from time to time

[@softhejaegerist6759]

I love you Hannah. not just as a youtuber, but you're a good person. i understand what you're going through, and you're so strong. thank you for having the courage to share this, not just with your subscribers, but everyone who struggles with depression. I'm looking forward to seeing your anxiety video, because i'm not sure if i have anxiety or not. i love you Hannah. Always Keep Fighting.

[@L4UR4RU4L]

i relate SO MUCH to this. feeling stigmatizated so much by society.

[@rydagoat9324]

Depression is so hard to escape, but luckily there is music to go with the feeling. I'm glad Hannah made this video. It is different then the usual music videos and it needed to be addressed with everybody that has been through the struggle. Like Neck Deep said, "Pain is never permanent." Thanks Hannah!

[@cianiacovou6905]

Oh my god Hannah. You are so brave for sharing this with us. Sadly I could relate too much to your video. But you (and a few others) took me out of this dark place in my life and I thank you so much. You helped me a lot and I'm so happy that you put up a video about this. You're truly an inspiration to me. You're the best!

[@uhhh9992]

this is a scary example of how easily people hide it. I would have never guessed. but I understand every bit of this. since the 6th grade, bullying has put the same impact on me. only thing that keeps me up anymore is music. it's forever & always going to be just music. I really to look up to you & your channel because you have the same taste as I do, & I'm so glad you found somebody to pull you up & keep you going.

[@noeltomlinson1212]

I'm so glad you made this video. I've been struggling with my depression for a long time and for an even longer time wondering if anyone else felt like I did. I feel less alone about it now that you've made this video going through it and I'm glad I'm not alone. ♥︎

[@markhepperlen3648]

I can swear on my life that I'm dead serious when I say that you and john are my favorite youtubers and if you stopped doing KZbin I would be really upset

[@purplenebula6999]

thank you so much for uploading this video. we love you so much, hannah. we're always here for you. we love you.

[@lindseyprice6164]

this is beautiful. i struggle with depression myself and just hearing someone verbalize the thoughts that go on in my head is amazing. i've been watching you for a while now and i never expected you felt the way you do because you always seem so happy, but looks can be deceiving. keep it up hannah, this video makes me so proud of you i'm glad to say i'm a fan❤️

[@jacob_massengale]

*at the end* we've made it this far...kid

[@willcalton4026]

I've been struggling with anxiety, and to a lesser extent, depression, and I don't think that there was much that led me to this point. I don't have any really close friends, but pretty much everybody at my school is kind to me. My parents are great as well. But I'm still constantly putting myself down, telling myself I'm not good enough, worrying about every tiny social interaction I have, asking myself why I don't have any friends, stressing about school despite having all As and Bs, and just simply being sad all the time. I'm glad you made this video, Hannah. It helps to know that I'm not the only one who is going through things like this, and even though I've seen videos like this on KZbin, I've never related to someone as much as you with those videos.

[@Silencex84]

Serious question, what are your thoughts of the show 13 Reasons Why and how it portrays suicide or depression? And for the love of god: dont hate what you see in the mirror, you are beautiful and you have a guy who loves and cares for you.

[@TECfan1]

Silentwolfx84 I know her boyfriend loved it not sure about her though.

[@Silencex84]

I personally have a lot of mixed feelings for the show. On one hand I respect how the show is trying to bring to light such a dark and touchy subject to the public that needs to be addressed. However, I feel the show does a piss poor job as a PSA for suicide prevention. Also as much as I sympathize and feel sorry for all of the serious shit Hannah Baker had to go through, I find her to be either selfish or recklessly stupid throughout the show. I actually think that the tapes she released honestly did more harm than good by the end of the show. But hey if people like it, that is fine, its a nice popcorn flick. But not a good PSA. I was curious on her thoughts whether she liked it or not.

[@TECfan1]

I think you are seriously lost from reality if you are calling a dark show about child suicide a popcorn flick. Teenagers are finding themselves still, and it's pretty well known they do stupid things and make bad choices. That doesn't make the bad things that happen to them any less serious or wrong. She didn't ask for any of that stuff.

[@Silencex84]

TEC1​ Despite its underlying messages, at the end of the day its main purpose is to enterain the viewer. It has flaws as PSA, but as a regular mystery show it has some entertainment value here and there.

[@TECfan1]

Watch "Beyond the Reasons". It's most definitely not meant to simply entertain. That's just an ignorant opinion.

[@kirbypopstar5807]

I can relate A LOT. In second third and fourth grade (ik it shouldn't affect me at all but it does) the first friends I ever had would ignore me every day. Three whole years of new being treated like dirt. Idk why but I couldn't make any other friends, and I was young so I thought having mean friends was better than none. Now I can't take any type of drama. When my friend gets moody (she has mood swings) she will say one mean thing and I will start crying. Anyone who gets mad at me I will cut out of my life. I have very bad anxiety and depression. My friends make it worse and it's not even their fault. My friends are humans with normal emotions and I have been ignoring them because I want them to be happy and nice. I expect perfection and I feel very bad about it. Thank you. Your perspective on this stuff is very realistic. Thanks, we love you ❤️

[@dazzleneal]

It's so alarming how common this condition is. I was just talking to a guy last night because he tried reaching out publicly, and it's really hard to talk to him because of his negative aura (not meant in a bad way). But I had to keep and go through it because he needs to talk. He said I was the first person to talk to him about this. I felt so bad, because I know it feels. To feel like nobody understands, like no one cares, and then suddenly someone pops up and asks "how are you?" and you know what *he truly meant*. It's just disappointing that we had to go through this at some point. And for a moment, another person told me to just let the depressed guy be, it will dissipate. And I was like 'No, it's not like that. He needs human contact, even for a little bit. He feels alone and if we leave him alone, we don't know what he might do to himself.' Good thing the guy wasn't suicidal, he's just so, so, so, insecure about himself. We talked for like an hour on facebook. Gave him things to do if ever he feels too sad or too anxious. I haven't heard anything from him yet, but I can say that he's a little bit more sure of himself after our talk. I hope he gets better.

[@ellent33]

I'm very happy you made this video! I struggle with depression, anxiety and an eating disorder, although I've been doing so much better, Jesus saved me, praise the Lord!, I still have my bad days and moments I feel like I'm worthless, i've also struggled with selfharm for about three, luckily I stopped for the most part, I hope you'll get a lot better and happier and I am happy you found your boyfriend♡ May the Lord bless you!

[@thatoneweirdoren0924]

I feel your pain Hannah. When you talked about the sad tumblr posts and how addictive they can be, that was me last year with every social media I have. And you weren't the only one who was at their lowest point in time last year. Last year, was the year where my anxiety and depression got the best of me. It was at the point where nothing made me happy anymore. Not even music sadly. It was also at the point where I wanted to end my life because I felt completely useless and unwanted. My mom talked to me because she was extremely worried and I finally got the help that I need. I mean, I still feel like that at times. Like you said, it fluctuates depending on what happened today and other stuff. I hope you're alright now, because I don't want you to stop doing videos. I love watching your videos, especially your rants and thoughts on bands/albums. Keep doing your wonderful videos. You're so kind and pretty fucking cool might I add. I wish we could be friends because it would be cool to hang out with you. Have a nice day.

[@jasonwalter8516]

Thank you so much for making this video, it means a lot to me that you made this video. I greatly enjoy your videos and I'm glad that someone I look up to in a sense understands this and is opening up to help others. Again thank you so much.

[@Iaburnie]

It always annoys the shit out of me when people call me and my friends "school shooters" because we are awkward white kids who listen to Green Day. I mean, really?

[@lauraqp1995]

The Co-Op Clan People are so ignorant. The kindest people I know listen to punk-rock. Hell, I want to be a counselor and I listen to Green Day. Stay strong.

[@niacin33]

The Co-Op Clan I get called that because I wear hiking boots

[@bruhmadisan9321]

That's honestly so dumb of them, the music you listen to can't define you as a person and there's no way it can. I'm generally a pretty happy person yet I listen to "emo" music and I've still been called emo despite my entire personality. That's honestly really stupid of them, I'm sorry

[@TECfan1]

The Co-Op Clan Yea that used to happen to me. People would always say "Oh he's the quiet one... he's gonna shoot up the school. It's always the quiet ones." So stupid.

[@SuperMiley1994]

Wtf

[@sheerfaint7723]

I came into this video expecting myself to be dry faced. I'm at the end of the video and I'm sobbing like a baby. I'm so proud of you and I'm glad I can relate to someone as much as you. Depression sucks.

[@brysonsheldon]

Watching this video made me think about the topic of depression. Watching your channel gave me the illusion that you didn't have any form of depression whatsoever...but now that I have learned more about the topic itself as a whole, I have realized that there are, like you said, more than one form. Im going to keep this short but sweet. Everybody has a purpose in this life, you just have to be the one to find it. I enjoy watching you and Jon's videos and I want to let you know that we, as fans, are here and we understand. I have been through bad depression, sometimes I feel like it still lingers on, but the point is that I realized the family and friends that loved me and cared for me and I can tell you have that. That may not be the full solution, but it is definitely a stepping stone. My advice for you would be to keep being the person that you are, don't let the past change your future, allow for the present to do that. Also, trust those close to you. Thank you for being an amazing person and making people happy! I wish you and Jon the very best!

[@RajaReign78]

Depression comes and goes in waves. I've been bullied and picked on since kindergarten. I had two best friends growing up who ignored me at school, but wanted to hangout after school. The other friend told our youth group she just used me for my car. My 3rd best friend dumped me for a controlling guy. I have sensory issues and anxiety too. Losing my gramma nearly killed me. I've never cared for my looks either, I hated being flat as a board growing up, I never had straight teeth and my eyesight sucks. Meeting my hubby saved me and moving out so now I actually get along with my mom. I'm glad your boyfriend helps you feel better.

[@pinjaannika2532]

I feel like you are the first person that knows how I really feel and it makes me feel better cause now I know that I'm not alone and there is someone out there who knows and understands I love u so much❤❤❤

[@blacktide888]

I loved this video, I struggle with depression all the time, so I can really relate, but to anybody going through depression, you can get through it, thanks for this Hannah

[@googoogaga7175]

thank you so much for making this. I used to do the same thing with Tumblr and be like addicted to sadness and like now I dont do those cringy quote things, but Im still like "addicted to sadness" like I just dont feel human when im happy for long periods of time. another thing that bothers me is that I'm not creative. i cant make anything beautiful or turn my emotions into something artistic. idk, this isnt about me anyways. But I used to do tge same with scratching cause I didn't want to leave permanant marks that I'd have to hide. just I'm glad you're doing better, Jon is definitley a keeper. You're loved and don't let any fucking idiots take you alive xx If this is cringy I'm sorry. just ily

[@stumbleg0dmd]

In this environment online that teaches people to look the other way in terms of peoples' misfortunes it''s always great to see someone brave enough and strong enough to share their story. You're very inspirational.

[@andreadalziell6281]

I really love this video. It's great to see you be so real. I've had mild depression for years and a lot of the things you said really hit home for me. I am actually studying to become a therapist myself because I've seen through a couple of friends how severe depression can actually be. And I've been in therapy before, but my therapist moved away unfortunately. It's not as scary as it seems. You just have to find the right one :) wishing you well. Looking forward to more videos like this!

[@bensonbrandon8]

Hang in there we believe in you and the best is yet to come for you.

[@annettereynoso1924]

Omg Hannah we're all here for you we do care we would be extremely sad if you left and you are so inspiring it takes a huge person to talk to you and we appreciate this those ppl who were horrible to you didn't deserve such an amazing person. We love you hannah

[@marinorth1063]

I've enjoyed your content since the first video of yours I watched, and I just wanted to say that we support you❤ You're a wonderful human being, and I hope you're able to keep getting stronger as you already have been

[@sagal5172]

Hannah, im so proud of you. Depression is never easy but your still fighting. I also have a similar story about the friends part. but it was never compared to the cafeteria part. which im sorry you had to go through that and with that kind of friends. Im really glad that John is here for you and I hope he will always. Part of me wished I was there for you on your rough times, like anyone here from your fans, they would too. Posting this video means that your on the next level of winning this fight. and maybe sure, take some breaks from KZbin if you want. We'll understand and care for you. We love you, HANNAH

[@petrag8]

Omg Hannah, we care! You are one of my favorite youtubers, and I would really miss your videos! (But if you really would like to quit I would respect your decision) And I feel like we could be really good friends, that's why I really like your videos. I can relate to many things you say not just in this vid, I don't really find friends too and I felt sooo bad when you said you went alone to a concert, cause that's my case sometimes, I don't have anybody to go with and I would have gone with you so gladly. Btw this isn't your first video I've ever cried to, it was when you talk about losing your dog, and that was the time when I lost mine and you helped me then so now I really want to help you, but I know it's not that simple. I would just like to say that you matter a lot to a lot of people and you are beautiful, especially your smile! I hope you will see this! xx

[@elluw1]

the things you said about depression in the beginning of the video are so true but i feel like not many people understand that. i feel like none of my friends take it seriously when i tell them i'm depressed because i'm also sometimes having fun with them and laughing with them. as if only you are depressed when you're sitting home crying all day. another thing people including all my friends seem to think is that you can't be depressed if you have everything good in life, caring family, friends, a home etc. but depression has nothing to do with loved ones and i do know i'm extremely lucky. it's my mind that is depressed and my own thoughts that make me depressed.. But thank you for this video, remember we all matter. and sorry for this rant :D

[@annatucker3447]

We love you so much Hannah. despite what you say, you seem pretty fucking strong to me. Thank you for making this video, and I hope everything works out💓

[@xEvolutionx-ui5bn]

Hannah I’m the main lyricist and lead vocalist to my band “Road.Dawgs.Legacy” And I was inspired by the speech you gave at the beginning thus making me write a song called “Not So Emo” we dedicate this song to you💯keep being awesome

[@DanielleP0314]

I agree, I don't think happiness is a choice, I think it's a privilege. Happiness is a privilege, because through the environment we grew up in or choose to be in, the people we surround ourselves in, and how we feel about ourselves, that's a privilege. There are some people who have been through worse ish in their lives and still have the privilege to be happy and lift themselves back up. I haven't had depression, but I also went through a bad time in high school, especially my senior year, that had made me feel sad and upset and worried all the time, and lonely. I still feel that way sometimes, even though I'm almost done with college. I don't even know you that well; I really know you through Jon and ARTV, but your story touched me in a lot of ways. I hope you're feeling better and know you're definitely not alone in how you feel.

[@victoriagrace5134]

The part of this video where you talk about not having a lot of friends hits me at the core. I do not have many friends I can talk to on a regular basis. I'm a very extroverted person, I need to be around people. But most of my days I spend alone at home only around my family. And that drains me. I know I've tied my happiness to people speaking to me, or texting me too much, but that's one of the only things that truly makes me happy. That and making music. But when you're so desperate for someone to talk to all the time, something as simple as being left on "read" in a text message destroys my mood. It makes me feel like I'm being ignored, or I'm unwanted. Although deep down, I know that's not the case. You talking about how Jon brought you out of so much pain makes me so happy for you. I don't have a person like that, in fact, one of the things that made depression worse for me was being rejected by someone. Of all things that made me feel the most alone. I'm absolutely terrified I'll be alone forever. I've never been in a relationship, I've never even had someone show the slightest bit of interest in me. That fucks with you. Having to open up to new people is hard for me. I don't want to overwhelm them. Making new friends that I can talk to is hard. I'm entering my senior year of high school this fall. It's only been over the past year that I've made a lot of new friends (many of them live far away though, and I can't contact them over the summer). I'm now being faced very realistically with the threat of moving hundreds of miles away right before senior year. Never in my life have I ever been this sad and lonely feeling. The thought of moving away from people who made me feel more welcome and wanted when I'm with them is terrifying. I know if I move away I'll never see them again, and will probably spend that final year of high school alone. I dunno if it's even appropriate to share this here, but it felt like a safe place. It made me feel less alone.

[@niecyluna4449]

Oh, I feel this so much. I go to concerts by myself all the time and it's really hard to see all these friend groups. I act like it doesn't bother me but it makes me sad that I can't share my love of music with anyone. I discovered your channel a few months ago and I love it. I would love to make a music channel but being so public scares me. You're awesome! Thanks for your vids.

[@GrayWoIf]

You should do a meet up some time in the future because as I see it you've got 23,000 friends right here!

[@ChristianDoyleReviews]

This was really brave to make! I've never been through depression, and I'm really sorry it's hit you! Really glad to see you getting better.

[@InfinityOnHannah]

+Christian Doyle thank you dude :)

[@basslightyeah]

I struggled with this myself and my respect goes to everyone who doesn't give up and keeps fighting it. Sometimes, being someone who got out of it I tend to hate to see how others are not even willing to do something against it. But maybe I forgot how difficult it is and this reminded me. Thank you for making me rethink. I wish you the best.

[@GrantVanderKlipp]

I love watching you talk. You explained it very well, and we all love you hannah❤️

[@BeintheEpicArmy]

I've been suffering with depression for about 4 and a half years (that's as long as I've known the term anyway. I've had symptoms of it before that as well) and I've never been able to tell anyone irl because of my home and school situation. But though I'm having a really stressful year, I've learnt to get better over time. Though it's extremely difficult sometimes and I rarely have moments of happiness, for me it's a case of accepting that you're feeling bad at the moment, and you might feel bad for a while. Not to think about why you're depressed and how to get better at that point in time, but just know that that's how you're thinking. Exercise and sport also helps wonders. It's sort of something that you have to work out by yourself, because your brain is unique. A doctor told me to ignore it, which was the worst advice I was ever given, but I took it on a spin and decided not to ignore it, but to not think as much about it. Intelligent people are more prone to becoming depressed because they think more about things, so it can help in personal experience just to accept it and continue with life. (This sounds kind of off and I'm terrible with social interaction so I don't know how to word this comment. It's not easy for us, but it is possible to manage it to a certain extent)

[@leahmarie9194]

i love you hannah! stay strong and stay alive |-/

[@jaredkok4378]

I've actually been in similar situations as you. I've had a stutter for large chunk of my life. It gets better and better, but to this day it makes it stressful trying to talk to new people sometimes, because of fear that I'll fuck up my words. It's cool hearing different testimonies. Thanks you're great, keep it up!

[@viir.lfc94]

Thank you for this video. These things need to be addressed and I'm kind of shocked that it's like you described exactly what I'm going through. Thank you again, I will always support you!

[@OxOemobunnyOxO]

This video definitely serves a purpose, even if you didn't see it right away. It makes people who experience similar things to you or those who have been diagnosed with depression/anxiety feel less alone. I almost wanted to cry when you were talking about self-harm and not having any friends and your bf bc I could relate so well. I used to self-harm back in high school with razor blades and scissors and sometimes just the arm scratching like you mentioned, just bc I was at such a low place then and wanted to punish myself without doing too much harm. I am a hell of a lot better now and have stopped with that, but I still feel upset every now and then and tend to overthink specific things until I'm no longer as happy about them. With the friends thing, I feel like I don't have any friends aside from a few online people since I have graduated from both high school and college already and despite my efforts to keep up with some of the people that I knew in real life, they all just fall away bc we aren't required to see one another in class everyday anymore. Honestly, my best friend is my boyfriend and like Jon has been able to do for you, my Kyle has made me a lot happier and came just when I needed him the most. I haven't been to actual therapy throughout any of this (I only saw a school counselor when I was struggling really bad with anxiety over school, despite being a 4.0 Psychology student, but that was proven to be useless) either out of fear and due to costs, but hopefully I can get better without it and I hope that things get better for you as well. You are wonderful and strong and beautiful and so much more! ❤️❤️❤️

[@Nessiileinx3]

Hey Hannah, I'm actually getting pretty emotional right now because I can relate to so so much you're saying. I had lots of friends when I went to a new school in fifth grade but most of them just fucked me over at some point and at the end of tenth grade I had like two friends left who weren't even there for me. I was lonely and I also started using tumblr at that time, reblogging mostly just depressing stuff, but as you said, it was kind of therapeutic and in the end it was all for the better. I started blogging about bands, finding tons of new ones that I still love til this day (Brand New, Pierce The Veil, La Dispute etc.), met my first boyfriend (i had an ldr just like you for three years which helped me a lot overall, he literally saved me) and this year when things started to get worse again I started blogging about my favourite youtubers and actually found a whole lot of friends which I love very much and that all give me a purpose. Idk what I'm struggling with (don't wanna self diagnose) but tumblr and youtube always made me happy in bad times. I just recently found yours and Jons channels and I just love seeing people that are just as passionate about music as I am, it makes me feel less alone. Sorry for the long comment I just had to get this off my chest, I hope you're having a great day

[@luismcelaney868]

I had a decent amount of friends in high school and even to this day I do, but I relate to what you say so much. I always felt that I was alone in a crowded room. Its hard to be positive but is worth it to push through and look at what life really is and the gift it is! Keep up the good work/content !

[@lauraqp1995]

It's so brave of you to share your struggles with us. I bet It wasn't easy. I've being debating since the begining of the video whether to lecture about how to treat depression and the importance of getting help if you need It. But I'm going to do that. You are right, happines is not a choice. Telling people to just calm down and be happy doesn't work. But questioning the voices inside your head and the ones that sorround you is a choice. It's not an easy one but still a choice. But you're not alone on this. There are people in your life that care. I don't even know you and I already care about you. Love from Spain.

[@SilverSpireZ]

Thank you so much for sharing this. I've been depressed before, especially once I moved to college. I've improved so much, but I still feel like this occasionally. I just really feel alone sometimes since I moved schools so many times that I never really made any friends until recently. I still want to someday find a relationship. It just makes me happy to know that I'm not the only one who's gone through this.

[@theskootlesmusicband2618]

Thanks for sharing. I can relate to your story very much from my younger days. Just based on your video ratings, for every 900 good people, there are always 17 that sometimes make our lives miserable. We can't let the tiny minority defeat us. We also shouldn't fall into their trap and respond to them in the same mindset that they throw at us. The best thing to do is to wish or pray that the learn and understand someday.

[@unknwnindividual]

I can totally relate to all of this and I had to listen until the end to hear you out. I feel the same way about medications and therapists as you do. I've been struggling on and off with depression for years now and know I should talk to someone but I had a bad experience with a therapist years ago. Some of their comments to me made me feel like I was being judged, so I totally understand the anxiety about spilling all of your personal baggage to a stranger. I feel you on the loneliness stuff too. I'm glad you and Jon found each other!

[@clare5075]

I want to say that I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm currently a junior in high school and literally have no friends. I talk to about 3 people in school, but don't even text them outside of school or hangout. I go to school, and come home. That's my life everyday. I'm so proud of you for sticking with your videos. I LOVE your content and hope you never stop talking about small bands/bands you actually love due to not getting views, likes, hate, etc. I hope you realize there are SO many people who love and care about you, just by watching your youtube videos.

[@jayvee4020]

I totally get you about the risk taking. I'm constantly afraid of taking next steps and cause of that I miss a lot of opportunities...I try to remind myself that in the long run it would make me happier

[@TheSecondsMoveOn]

thank you for making this video. I've felt this way on and off the last couple of years and its nice to hear from someone that understands. much love

[@robyntm]

Hannah, I have so much respect for you. I support you, I always will. I've loved this channel for over a year and I think you're just an amazing person, and to me you're very strong. Putting up this video, I know how hard that must've been. I have horrible anxiety and I have an on and off depression. This year has been like crawling through the depths of hell, I was so lost and I was having such a hard time. So, I understand and relate to everything you said in this video, and know that we all love you

[@brigidmccarthy4392]

i love you, hannah. you brighten my day, and i'm really really sorry that i can't brighten yours. The one thing I tell myself when I'm super sad (or super happy and in denial of it) is that it's okay to feel. I'm feeling this way, and it's all right. I know it can't control me forever. please keep making videos. xo

[@xribcage]

I just sat through this whole 17 minute video and I can say this is the first video I've ever cried to on your channel. I love you Hannah! (Jon don't kill me I love her as a sister/friend😂👌)

[@LK-dh4om]

you are amazing. i never thought that there are people out there who struggle with the same things like me. Also when i "joined" the clique i felt like becoming a big part of a family where everyone has his own demons but is still kind to everyone and helps each other. i love the clique

[@francescopresotto4796]

All my respect. Being a musician in a band and tour with depression i know what you mean..if you need someone i'm here.

[@if3530]

Hannah i'm really glad you've posted this video, and i think you're really brave , because it must have been hard. it really makes me feel a bit better about myself , knowing i'm not the only one who struggles with these things, because i don't know anyone else who does. I've had a lot of similar experiences . I truly wish you the best and hope it will get better for you because you 100% deserve it❤

[@rafaelac.1643]

I can relate to you so much!! but it's good to know we're not alone. it might seem crazy, but it helps to know you're not the only one going through this

[@sharedemsmiles4209]

I realize this was probably a hard video to make but I'm so glad you did! Thank you for sharing your story. There are so many people out there who can relate, myself included. I actually made my own channel to try to work through some of my anxiety and depression. I may not know you personally but I'm in your corner. Keep up with all your wonderful videos and thank you again for being real and allowing us to see this part of you!

[@KoaAbyss]

Amazing video, It's interesting hearing other people's stories with depression as I and other people have know struggle with it. Can't wait to see the next video

[@IceMetalPunk]

I also struggle with anxiety and depression. I was only diagnosed about 4 years ago, in my junior year at university, and when the psychiatrist told me, it suddenly made so much sense. And I firmly believe middle school is a breeding ground for future mental illness. Since you shared your middle-school torment story, I hope it's okay if I share mine. I was bullied a lot in middle school. Like, to the point where bullies were starting rumors about me just to get bigger, stronger bullies angry at me. Bully outsourcing. So one day in the lunch line, this bully was insulting me and mocking me and whatever else he always did. I decided I wasn't going to react anymore. That if he wanted a reaction, I wouldn't give him one, and maybe he'd stop. So I ignored him. Well, he didn't stop. If anything, my ignoring him only made him try harder. He recruited other people to come and mock me with him. Eventually, he had our entire class sitting at the table laughing at me, including my crush at the time. I felt like breaking down, but I kept ignoring him. Until the last straw: I felt something hit the side of my face, and realized someone had bent back their fork and slingshotted spaghetti at my head. Yeah. I snapped. It was my first full breakdown (or "full anxiety attack", I guess?), and I just turned and started punching him over and over, crying, yelling, I didn't even know what I was doing I was just swinging my fists. And then about 10 seconds later, I had my head in my arms at the table, and I was just bawling my eyes out uncontrollably. I didn't know what I felt -- angry? Sad? Hurt? Embarrassed? All of them? -- I just knew that I couldn't stop crying. Eventually, I calmed down enough to look up and see that everyone had moved to a different table and were eyeing me like I was crazy, and I couldn't blame them. I don't think that "caused" my mental illnesses -- if I think about it, I was probably always anxious from birth -- but it absolutely contributed to their severity. But you're right that people who don't have any mental illnesses often don't truly understand them. As a fellow twenty one pilots fan, I wonder if you appreciate the idea of Blurryface as much as I do? The concept of personifying your anxiety/depression as a separate entity is highly therapeutic for me, especially as it often feels like there are two different people in my head (which maybe you can relate to?). (For those reading and wondering, I don't mean literally; I just mean that anxious/depressed thoughts often feel like they're coming from someone else and burying themselves inside your brain, rather than being something you decided to think.) Anyway, I'd say "I'm here for you," but you don't know me at all and I don't know you, so that would be at best just creepy. Just know I do hope you manage well, and hold onto what you have with your boyfriend. Someone who can be there for you in your worst times is definitely worth keeping around, if for no other reason than your own health. Good luck with everything!

[@JonDials]

I can totally relate to being set off and being in a bad mood after being happy shortly before, that happens to me all the time. Kudos for tackling subjects like depression and anxiety with such personal detail.

[@blaketearable3600]

You are a very brave person.

[@timwollman8090]

I feel so alone right now like no one understands and i know thats cliche and everything but i really don’t have anyone right now that talks to me like my feelings are valid. this video is fantastic.

[@CJCunnane]

Awesome video, I liked that you pointed out how happiness and depression can coexist within someone. I've struggled with depression but I find that writing music is a good outlet

[@blccdcrange]

hannah you are so beautiful and strong and creative. this just breaks my heart :( i guess it goes to show you cant assume what goes on when the cameras not rolling.

[@mrcasualgamer1787]

I know what it's like to feel depressed and anxious. It's only started recently, but underneath the happy face I haven't felt happy at all. One big contributing factor is the fact that I'm single and when I see other people in relationships jealousy starts to boil up inside and I hate myself for it even though I can't control how I feel.

[@ediesolomon6428]

im so proud of how far you've come. i honestly relate to your experience very much, and im so glad you made this video and got your feelings out. I love you, stay strong♡

[@anotherperson6146]

I agree, I’ve struggled with this so much.

[@adam7767]

we love you Hannah! You got this. and to anyone else who is still fighting

[@baileyym5251]

i love this video so much. very proud of how far you come and happy you're in a better place now

[@dinah1999dv]

thank you for making this video. I really feel like I've been going through almost exactly the same! This video has made me feel like maybe I am worthy of getting help even though I don't think I am. I always find joy in watching your videos Hannah and I love you for that 💗

[@jordansteele9157]

I respect you so much for making this video. Coming from someone who suffers from depression and anxiety, I know it can be hard to talk about it with anyone. But you're not alone. Thank you Hannah and keep this channel going, I love it.

[@RWJTMB]

I was so depressed this time last year but a lot has changed. My favourite bands are what helped me the most through this past year. especially boston manor and trophy eyes

[@deadbird101]

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Hannah. Depression is and does affect so many people. Thank you for being so brace and awesome. You are one of my favorite people and youtubers. I am your friend, and I'm here for you.

[@hunter8986]

I was diagnosed with depression, I tried to hang myself, 3 times my happiness was a rare thing with me. I kept having these horrid dreams of me torchering myself, I always cried. I was bullied all the time, people would push me down the stairs in school they would punch me all because I looked ugly, but then a girl and her friends got me out of my depression strangely. The world is cruel but at the same time it's never alone, your video made me tear up a bit, I support your channel. this is all true

[@juliejealousy]

Thank you so much for sharing this! I'm really glad you're in a better place with your depression. I know it's hard to talk about. I have my fair share of mental health issues too, but I had a question. Was there anything that could have changed your mind about therapy? What if you had a counselor that was kinda like a friend with boundaries? I'm finishing up my bachelors and then plan to go on for my master's. I'm the same age as your bf and I eventually want to be a cool therapist that likes emo and pop punk bands but also can help to treat mental health issues. I know a lot of people hesitate to go to therapy because talking to a stranger is uncomfortable but what if there was someone who shared common interests with you? Anyway I wish you and artv well... I'm happy to see you happy :)

[@zyndraz3651]

I'm proud of you speaking up about depression and being brave enought to talk about your personal struggles with it, it takes alot of courage and I admire that very much!

[@alaa-bc9nd]

Love you so much hannah! Thank you for sharing this with us we all support you. Please don't leave youtube though your vids are my favorite

[@samanthastewart6446]

So proud of the progress you've made! You're a strong young woman, and all your subscribers support you!

[@vanessavictoria3504]

Hey Hannah I just wanted to say you inspire me and you matter a lot. I have been there too. I've faced a very similiar situation and it is comforting to know I'm not alone. I love your videos !! You made me discover a lot of new artists and music. We love you, I'm sending you good vibes all the way from Brazil :)

[@ImTheKat1]

Love you Hannah. These videos are needed just as much as music themed videos

[@shaebyrnes5860]

Wow. I can't tell you how proud of you I am. It may sound weird because I've never met you, but I'm being really honest. There are so many things that you mentioned in this video that I relate too. I kind of felt like you were describing me. I found your channel about five months ago at a time where I was a feeling very lost and depressed and you've helped me a lot. You've also made me discover awesome music such as Fall out boy and Panic! At the disco. I honestly can not tell you how much you've helped me. This video in particular. This did make cry and I needed that so thank you. Thanks for being there, metaphorically.

[@kasperthefriendlygay2878]

I know what you mean, Hannah. I've had severe anxiety and depression since 6th/7th grade (I'm in 10th now) when my best friend moved away. It took me YEARS to say yes to getting a therapist. I started taking antidepressants last October and they have been helping. I know what you're going through. You're not alone.

[@allisond1119]

Last year I had really bad anxiety over lunch since all my friends would sit at a lunch table and sometimes there wouldn't be enough spots so when I got there the table was full so everyday I would dread going to lunch. It sucked.

[@InfinityOnHannah]

+Rocky Productions I can totally relate to that

[@matthew40]

I hope everyone watching this is seeing this confessional, I mean that in the best possible way mind you, a singular experience with this disease. I have my own experience in my family, and I hope anyone who suffers from this horrible disease get the help they need. Whether that is therapy, medication or close connection with loved ones. Knowing what good medication and therapy can do for a person, is as wonderful a thing as anything. Hannah, I just think you are brave, and none of what you said could have been easy.

[@goldstepsXIII]

You're amazing. Thank you for making this, I can truly relate.

[@StealthheartDraws]

12:02 13:36 Don't take this the wrong way, but these comments actually made me feel better. I've self-harmed in the past and I've always felt that it wasn't anything too dramatic. It reminds me that not everyone goes through something as big as carving words into your skin (as I've heard from others), but it's still serious and doesn't mean your feelings don't matter... Geez, I'm moving next year...everything in this video is helping me feel less alone in a weird way so thanks I guess XD

[@CitizenDevi]

Same pretty much. My friends almost all went down a very different road, one is in prison. Yeah, life is hard I don't have any real friends. But it'll get better, some people just don't really fit in and I'm one of them for sure.

[@alexchipka6126]

I've never been diagnosed or anything so I'm not gonna say I have depression for sure but I relate to alot of the things you said. I do feel lonely alot too. I was always sort of ashamed of how pathetic it was so it really means alot that you addressed this and I know I'm not alone. Love you

[@josiefischer9359]

I really admire you for making this video because I have guilt in feeling happy as well and I've always thought I was the only one